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Wed May 8, 2019, 05:00 PM

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #6-17: The C Word Minus The C Edition

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #6-17: The C Word Minus The C Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! What’s up Montana? How you doing? You guys doing fucking good??? So for those of you watching at home, you might be wondering why the hell are we doing a show in Montana? Well I answer your question with another question – why not? I mean I am fully aware that this the state that elected and reelected Greg Gianforte, because, fuck you. But there are good liberals here, and that’s who we pander to! So I reached out to the good folks at Big Sky Brewery, and they obliged! So let’s raise a glass of whatever beer you’re drinking! Cheers! Do we have time for the thing? So while half of us have already seen Avengers: Endgame, the other half of us are busy watching Game Of Thrones. Now as someone who knows next to nothing about Game Of Thrones, and those of us who don’t, I do know something about people who commit mistakes and egregious errors, because we’ve done that from time to time. But whoever the stage hand or key grip responsible for this complete good might want to take a page from Southwest’s ad campaign and maybe get away for a while. You know what? Can we show that?

I cant imagine that cup of latte has the name “Daenerys Stormborn of the House Targaryen, the First of Her Name, the Unburnt, Queen of Meereen, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, Breaker of Chains and Mother of Dragons”. But really yeah you might want to get away for a while until this gaff blows totally over. OK that’s enough of the intro, we have a lot of idiocy to get to, but first I have to play the clip of Saturday Night Live last week where Adam Sandler’s Opera Man character was brought back:


Wow, where do we begin this week? Well in the first slot is White Supremacists (1). So they won’t stop hounding Facebook over this bizarre “shadow banning” theory, so guess what? They went ahead and actually banned white supremacists! But were they in their right to do so? We will discuss. In the second slot this week it’s the return of the Trumper Games!! Yes our host is back and he will explain how Tribute Rosenstein (2) from the 2nd District, has resigned one step away from the president himself straight up firing him! Taking the third slot this week, is Bill Barr (3). Whew. His testimony last week on Capitol Hill was the stuff of pure insanity and we will do our best to sort through the madness. In the fourth slot this week is the guy who we still call president, Donald J. Trump (4) and he picks the weirdest battles – like the Kentucky Derby, who after the latest snafu in bad sports officiating, overturned a victory in the biggest sports race of the year. Of course Trump wouldn’t know anything about following the rules, would he? In slot #5, is our weekly investigative piece, Top 10 Investigates (5), and this week there’s been a study done about an absolutely alarming rise in sexual assaults in the military, and we will find out what’s up. Also, trust us, we will keep this piece tasteful. In the sixth slot this week is our weekly visit to the Holy Church Of The Top 10 in “Holy Shit” (6), and our president and vice president recently made the claim that people are talking about God and Jesus more than they ever have, but was it ever OK not to? Our resident pastor will examine this claim. In the seventh slot this week, we’re all gonna die (7). I couldn’t love this story more. The Scientology Sea Org vessel was set to sail off the coast of St. Lucia, but can’t leave port because they are being quarantined for – wait for it – a measles outbreak. We’re all gonna die!!!! In the 8th slot this week, we have a new “Beating A Dead Horse” (8). Is it OK for giant mega corporations like Burger King to tell us what to think and how to feel through products? Yeah we thought so too. And in the number 9 (NEIN!!!!) slot this week, is “I Need A Drink” (9). We’re at a brewery, so we are going to drink some beers and tell you about how Woodstock 50 is an even bigger fail than the Fyre Festival was! And our quest to find the Stupidest State 2019 continues with the final round of week 2! This week it’s a battle of the beltway to see who can go for broke as Michigan takes on Wisconsin to win the Fiscal Irresponsibility Conference! The winner takes the last slot in the Final Four. It’s getting exciting! Plus we have some live music for you from the great X Ambassadors! Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

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[font size="8"]Facebook
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Conservatives have been ultra paranoid about getting their accounts banned from Facebook and other social media sites. In fact they’ve been in a circular firing squad with social media since Alex Jones last year created the “shadow banning” theory. Well guess what? There’s no such thing as shadow banning, you dumbasses. It’s called “following the rules” and every time you post those poorly photoshopped images of Hillary pooping her pants or that Michelle Obama is a man in drag? Guess what? You violate those rules! So how does one get banned from Facebook? Well if you’re Alex Jones or Milo Yiannopolous for instance, relatively easy!

Facebook banned several prominent accounts promoting white nationalism on the platform on Thursday.

Accounts barred from Facebook, as well as its subsidiary Instagram, as part of the new enforcement include the conspiracy theorist Alex Jones, the far-right troll Milo Yiannopoulos and the anti-Muslim figurehead Laura Loomer. Jones was previously banned from Facebook but still had an account on Instagram, which was no longer live as of Thursday.

“We’ve always banned individuals or organizations that promote or engage in violence and hate, regardless of ideology,” a Facebook spokesperson said. “The process for evaluating potential violators is extensive and it is what led us to our decision to remove these accounts today.”

Facebook banned several prominent accounts promoting white nationalism on the platform on Thursday.

Accounts barred from Facebook, as well as its subsidiary Instagram, as part of the new enforcement include the conspiracy theorist Alex Jones, the far-right troll Milo Yiannopoulos and the anti-Muslim figurehead Laura Loomer. Jones was previously banned from Facebook but still had an account on Instagram, which was no longer live as of Thursday.

“We’ve always banned individuals or organizations that promote or engage in violence and hate, regardless of ideology,” a Facebook spokesperson said. “The process for evaluating potential violators is extensive and it is what led us to our decision to remove these accounts today.”

So is this a good thing or a bad thing that Facebook is banning white supremacists and other, shall we say non kosher points of view? Well let’s play Devil’s Advocate and look at both sides of the situation for a minute. On one hand when you start censoring, you get in to a slippery slope that is a very tricky one to navigate. But on the other hand, fuck Nazis and white supremacists. And guess which side Trump is on? Well…

President Donald Trump on Saturday retweeted messages from conspiracy theorists and far-right figures after Facebook banned several right-wing personalities for promoting violence and hate.

Trump has lashed out against Facebook following the bans, tweeting on Friday that he is “continuing to monitor the censorship of AMERICAN CITIZENS on social media platforms.” On Saturday morning, he retweeted a number of Twitter users who defended the far-right personalities, including one of the banned users.

Later in the day, Trump questioned why The New York Times, Washington Post, CNN and MSNBC were allowed on Facebook and Twitter, saying much of their work is “FAKE NEWS.”

Trump resumed his attacks on tech giants on Saturday afternoon, asking how it is possible for a “strong but responsible Conservative Voice” like actor James Woods to be banned from Twitter. Woods got locked out of Twitter for posting the hashtag #HangThemAll in an apparent reference to special counsel Robert Mueller’s office, according to a screen capture shared by Woods’ girlfriend Sara Miller.

I can only imagine that’s what Trump is like when he tweets. Good good!!! But here’s the thing – James Woods and Alex Jones both, um, I don’t know, threatened to murder people! You don’t get to do that and have social media be like “this is fine!!”. Leave it to Trump to throw a tank of kerosene onto a burning building.

U.S. President Donald Trump criticized social media companies after Facebook banned a number of extremist figures, declaring that he was “monitoring and watching, closely!!”

Trump, who tweeted and re-tweeted complaints Friday and Saturday, said he would “monitor the censorship of AMERICAN CITIZENS on social media platforms.” He has previously asserted that social media companies exhibit bias against conservatives, something the companies have rejected as untrue.

The president’s comments came after Facebook this week banned Louis Farrakhan, Alex Jones and other extremists, saying they violated its ban on “dangerous individuals.” The company also removed right-wing personalities Paul Nehlen, Milo Yiannopoulos, Paul Joseph Watson and Laura Loomer, along with Jones’ site, Infowars, which often posts conspiracy theories. The latest bans apply both to Facebook’s main service and to Instagram and extend to fan pages and other related accounts.

On Saturday, Trump retweeted a message from Watson urging his followers to “keep up the pressure,” and a second wondering why his opinions should be deemed “dangerous.” Watson previously served as editor-at-large of Alex Jones' website InfoWars.com, promoting conspiracy theories online - including the theory the 9/11 terror attack in the U.S. were perpetrated by the U.S. government.

Yeah what are you monitoring exactly, Trump? I mean the second the government steps into censorship, they effectively end the first amendment – which was designed against that sort of thing, and they step in a big steaming pile of shit. Oh by the way if you think the alarming rise of white supremacy and anti-semitism is an American problem, well I got news for ya. It’s a global problem and it’s affecting the entire world!

Facebook has said it will block "praise, support and representation of white nationalism and separatism" on Facebook and Instagram from next week.

The social media giant also pledged to improve its ability to identify and block material from terrorist groups.

Facebook users searching for offending terms will be directed to a charity which combats far-right extremism.

The social network has come under pressure after a man livestreamed an attack on two mosques in New Zealand.

Facebook had previously allowed some white nationalist content it did not view as racist - including permission for users to call for the creation of white ethno-states.

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[font size="8"]The Trumper Games
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Hey everyone I’m baaaaaaaaaaaaack!!!! Oh yes my pretties, it has been a while. All has been quiet on the presidential front! Until last week when Tribute Rosenstein from the 2nd District resigned! And that is significant because the president was just going to straight up fire his ass anyways! But as long as supporters of the president are still supporting him, we will keep doing this. And where is my champagne? What? You mean Charlie left? Damn it! So who is my new assistant? Oh hello, this is my new assistant Nathaniel. Say hello to the people! Now bring me some champagne! I don’t care if it’s the cheap stuff. So why did Tribute Rosenstein resign? Well there’s plenty of reasons.

Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein, who appointed special counsel Robert Mueller to investigate Russian interference in the 2016 presidential election, submitted his resignation letter to the White House Monday.

It is effective May 11.

"We enforce the law without fear or favor because credible evidence is not partisan, and truth is not determined by opinion polls," Rosenstein wrote. "We ignore fleeting distractions and focus our attention on the things that matter, because a republic that endures is not governed by the news cycle."

Rosenstein often found himself the target President Donald Trump, especially after hiring Mueller in 2017. Shortly after being confirmed as deputy attorney general, Rosenstein wrote a memo criticizing former FBI Director James Comey amid Comey's investigation into Russia's 2016 actions, which Trump used as part of his reasoning in firing Comey.

After Comey was fired, Rosenstein brought Mueller in as special counsel to continue the investigation, and Mueller also looked at the question of obstruction of justice.

Oh I am sorry I didn’t hear you over the sound of “you’re being fired”. It’s resigned? Damn it Charlie!! I think I am starting to see why Charlie left. I must be nicer to my new assistant. Nathaniel may you bring me a glass of libations please? Graci! Now that Tribute Rosenstein has been released from the Games, what’s next for the Mueller Report? Well the GOP currently is in “nothing to see here, please disperse” mode.

On Wednesday, Attorney General William Barr testified before the Senate Judiciary Committee about his handling of Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s report. The hearing was the first opportunity for the public to understand Barr’s legal reasoning for exonerating Donald Trump of obstruction of justice, after Mueller explicitly stated that the special counsel could reach no such conclusion. Barr had previously explained his reasoning in a four-page summary letter released weeks before the full report, in which he suggested that no obstruction could have been committed because the probe did not uncover enough evidence to establish an underlying criminal conspiracy to cooperate with the Russians in their election interference. This argument is a clearly incorrect interpretation of the obstruction statute; it’s possible to obstruct justice even if no underlying crime is discovered, and there were many other underlying crimes uncovered by the probe that reached into the president’s inner circle. The line of thinking was also supplemented by Barr’s remarkable press conference prior to the Mueller report’s release, in which he further argued that the president’s actions were all fine because they were motivated by legitimate frustrations with the probe.

During his testimony on Wednesday, Barr repeated that “legitimate frustration” defense of the president. He also spoke extemporaneously and precisely about his reasons for clearing the president in one of the most damning incidents of likely obstruction of justice described in the report: Trump’s efforts to get former White House counsel Don McGahn to have Mueller fired, and subsequent efforts to cover up that attempt. In doing so, Barr made clear that he has ignored Mueller’s own legal analysis and mischaracterized Mueller’s evidence. Here’s how Barr’s comments contradict Mueller’s own version of several of the allegations of obstruction of justice.

Yes, Tribute Barr – the replacement for Tribute Sessions – has been quietly working to bury the report that could indict the President ! I mean what’s next? You know think of this like the school bully who hires the nerdy kid to write the book report that gets him an “A”. That’s exactly what Trump is paying Barr to do! So what happened with Russian hacking? It’s only the tip of the ice berg!

Special counsel Robert Mueller's report raises fresh questions about Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein's dual roles as both witness in and supervisor of the special counsel investigation into possible obstruction of justice by President Donald Trump.

The report, a redacted version of which the Justice Department released Thursday, disclosed a previously unknown episode in which Rosenstein, resisted Trump's efforts to get him to take the blame for the firing of FBI Director James Comey.

That event was examined as a key piece of Mueller's investigation of Trump's possible obstruction of justice, meaning Rosenstein was an important witness in a criminal probe he oversaw beginning in early 2017.

On the night of May 9, 2017, hours after Trump fired Comey, officials in the White House press office called the Justice Department to say the White House "wanted to put out a statement saying that it was Rosenstein's idea to fire Comey," according to the report.

Rosenstein told Justice Department officials that he wouldn't participate in putting out a "false story," he told the special counsel's office.

Yes, yes it does! Especially here, am I right audience??? But Rosenstein claims that he’s trying to “land the plane”. Don’t try to land the plane when the passengers are steering it right into the mountain! Horrible analogy I know! But that doesn’t matter when every good mob boss, like our president, for instance, has a cleaner. Yes, they are trying to change the ship and doing a very bad job of it. But for now, consider Tribute Rosenstein… ELIMINATED!!!

Rod Rosenstein, again, was in danger of losing his job. The New York Times had just reported that - in the heated days after James Comey was fired as FBI director - the deputy attorney general had suggested wearing a wire to surreptitiously record President Donald Trump. Now Trump, traveling in New York, was on the phone, eager for an explanation.

Rosenstein - who, by one account, had gotten teary-eyed just before the call in a meeting with Trump's chief of staff - sought to defuse the volatile situation and assure the president he was on his team, according to people familiar with matter. He criticized the Times report, published in late September, and blamed it on former deputy FBI director Andrew McCabe, whose recollections formed its basis. Then he talked about Special Counsel Robert Mueller's investigation of Russia's interference in the 2016 election and told the president he would make sure Trump was treated fairly, people familiar with the conversation said.

"I give the investigation credibility," Rosenstein said, in the words of one administration official offering their own characterization of the call. "I can land the plane."

The episode illustrates the political tightrope Rosenstein has had to walk in his two years as the Justice Department's second-in-command. To keep his job, the deputy attorney general has worked to mollify an often angry Trump, while at the same time protecting the special counsel's investigation of the president and his campaign. Rosenstein's actions have come under renewed scrutiny, as he has played a key role in releasing Mueller's findings in a way even some of his supporters say has been overly favorable to Trump.

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[font size="8"]Bill Barr
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You know think of the Barr Report the way you think of the way the dumb kid tries to write an actual school book report. You know Trump didn’t read the whole report. I mean come on, it’s 400 pages, ain’t nobody got time for that! And you know that he didn’t read past the words “no collusion”. So he had Barr write the summary of the report that gets him an A. Like you do. I’m sure that everyone saw that insane footage of the testimony where he ate a day old bucket of KFC that was left for him as, what’s meant to be an insult. Come on, this is the Trump administration here. They’re insulted by nothing! So what is the latest on Barr?

Attorney General William Barr defended his handling of special counsel Robert Mueller’s report at a tense Senate hearing on Wednesday that highlighted the stark partisan divisions between Republicans and Democrats over the special counsel’s conclusions.

Barr started off his testimony on the defensive, after a letter Mueller wrote to Barr on March 27 was made public Tuesday evening. In that note, Mueller explicitly criticized the letter Barr sent to Congress and released to the public outlining the “principal conclusions” of the investigation.

Mueller said Barr’s summary “did not fully capture the context, nature, and substance of this Office’s work and conclusions,” and urged Barr to release executive summaries he and his team had prepared to clear up public confusions about the investigation.

Barr did not do so, and he defended that decision when pressed by Democratic senators, who also pressed him on how he concluded President Donald Trump did not obstruct justice.

I can imagine that’s what happens to the members of this administration whenever any one of them speaks on a daily basis. But of course he’s lying and fuming. I mean he’s paid by Donald Trump to be a professional liar. Ethics? What are those? They keep saying that word but they don’t know what it means. Barr doesn’t look like an ethical man. He looks like he’s impersonating Walter Sobchak from the Big Lebowski!

(CNN)Attorney General William Barr expressed no regrets Wednesday over his handling of special counsel Robert Mueller's report, defending his decision-making in the face of a new letter from Mueller that objected to Barr's characterization of the special counsel investigation.

At a public Senate Judiciary Committee hearing, Barr downplayed the significance of Mueller's letter raising concerns about the attorney general's four-page letter summarizing Mueller's conclusions, saying Mueller told him he was worried about media coverage and did not think Barr's letter was inaccurate.
Democrats scoffed at Barr's explanations, repeatedly clashing with the attorney general over his handling of the Mueller investigation and his decision not to prosecute for obstruction of justice. They accused Barr of lying to Congress and the public about Mueller's concerns, and calls for Barr's resignation came from both sides of the Capitol.

"You lied. And now we know," said Sen. Mazie Hirono, a Hawaii Democrat. "Being attorney general of the United States is a sacred trust. You have betrayed that trust. America deserves better. You should resign."

That is a good question sir! Why are you always lying? And why are they lying literally all the time every single time? Once they hit 10,000 lies they can’t stop. I mean when they hit 20,000 lies do they get a free dessert with purchase? Well, they could always lie about that. But seriously you know what they say about what to do when you’re already in a hole? Stop digging!!!

On Wednesday, Democrats on the Senate Judiciary Committee, with an assist from an anonymous leaker, successfully proved that Donald Trump's recently appointed attorney general-cum-cover-up artist, William Barr, is a liar.

Twice, in testimony earlier this month to Congress, Barr played dumb regarding special counsel Robert Mueller's opinions about how Barr handled Mueller's report into Trump's connections to Russian efforts to undermine democracy. First, Barr told Sen. Chris Van Hollen, D-Md., that he was unaware of Mueller's opinion of Barr's declaration that Trump had not obstructed justice. The second came when Barr told Rep. Charlie Crist, D-Fla., that he had no knowledge of the Mueller team's frustrations with his efforts to spin the contents of the report before it was released.

A letter leaked to the press Tuesday night exposed these comments as lies. It turns out that Barr had received two letters and one phone call from Mueller complaining about Barr's spinning. Most observers assume that a particular stress point was Barr's denial that any obstruction had occurred when the Mueller report lays out 10 separate incidents that any fool could see constitute obstruction of justice.

This has all understandably led to calls for Barr's resignation. But soon, the p-word — perjury — started getting tossed around, leading to the hope among many liberals that Barr could face stiffer consequences than being forced out of office and publicly outed as a lying scumbag. Perjury could mean disbarment. Perjury could mean jail.

Except that they don’t. They don’t know they are losing because they think that they are the ones who are winning all the time. Kind of like any team who thinks they can play Boston in a title game – they think they can win, but you know they won’t. And that’s when they pick the guy with the worst statistics to try and hit that game winner. Which is where Bill Barr comes in, and uh yeah he’s the guy who can do it!

In testimony before members of the Senate on Tuesday, FBI Director Chris Wray appeared to split with Attorney General Bill Barr, telling lawmakers he would not use the term "spying" to describe his bureau's investigative practices.

"That's not a term I would use," Wray said in an appearance before the Senate Appropriations Committee.

Barr told lawmakers during an appearance before Congress last month that he believed "spying did occur" on the Trump campaign during the 2016 election, sparking criticism from some former members of the intelligence community and law enforcement.

Barr defended his use of the term before the Senate just last week, saying he didn't intend to use the word as "pejorative" as his department continues its investigation into whether any surveillance on members of the Trump campaign was proper.

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[font size="8"]Donald Trump
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Before we get into the latest stupid fight that Trump chooses to pick, let’s take a moment to acknowledge the epic officiating scandal that happened at the Kentucky Derby. So the horse named “Maximum Security” plowed his way to the top of the course and then got disqualified. Which of course resulted in a huge officiating SNAFU. And then of course, Trump was watching and managed to rear his ugly tweets at the Derby. Can’t he just shut up for once? Because not only was Trump not truthful (read lying), everything he touches turns to shit!

Two days after his horse finished first in the Kentucky Derby but was disqualified after an interference objection, Maximum Security owner Gary West said his horse will not run in the Preakness Stakes and that he plans to file an appeal with the state racing commission over the results of Saturday's race.

The appeal will be filed Monday, West said on NBC's "Today" show, though Kentucky Horse Racing Commission regulations do not allow appeals.

West did not say whether he would file a lawsuit if the appeal is not accepted by the commission but hinted that it could be a possibility.

"If the state racing commission refuses to hear about it, I think this is something that's big enough that the entire racing world is looking at this," West said. "And I think they deserve an opportunity to really know what was going on."

Wow, that got dark fast! So how did Trump ruin one of our nation’s oldest and most institutionalized sporting events? Well, can we throw that tweet up there?

That’s the actual, unedited tweet. Now let’s put it this way – Trump is an Unt. Yeah he’s the C word minus the C. Which actually makes the impact of that word a lot more palatable. So just how much did the Trump tweet fuck up the Kentuky Derby? Yeah that typo is intentional! Just like most of everything Trump does.

It's easy to dismiss any one of Donald Trump's tweets as ephemera because, well, there are just so many of them. That goes double for a Trump tweet about a sporting event given the fact that he, uh, isn't an expert in that arena.

And yet, there's just something about the President's tweet on Sunday about the result of the Kentucky Derby that makes it impossible to simply ignore. Because it's about more than the tweet. It's about the man behind the tweet. A man who also happens to be the leader of the free world.


But, it's the way Trump chose to take issue with the result that is truly, truly baffling. "Only in these days of political correctness could such an overturn occur," he wrote.
Let me offer this bit of pithy analysis into that perspective: WHAT THE HELL IS HE EVEN TALKING ABOUT?

Yes, Trump's war on political correctness sits at the heart of his appeal for a lot of voters. He ran in 2016 on the idea that liberals were ruining America by worshiping at the shrine of political correctness. Trump's candidacy -- in word and deed -- was a rejection of that idea. He said what he thought when he thought it -- consequences be damned. And people loved it.

Thank you Walter! And you know if Trump is this dishonest about even the most simple things like watching a horse race, what else is he dishonest on? Well I would hate to attend the watch party at Mar-A-Shithole, because imagine how that must be going? I would think we would get to see Trump’s charitable contributions at work. He said, sarcastically. Oh wait.

Staff at President Trump's Mar-a-Lago resort in Palm Beach, Fla., reportedly billed the White House about $1,000 after aides helped themselves to drinks at one of the resort's bars while Secret Service asked the bartender to leave.

A ProPublica investigation published Wednesday found that a group including at least two former White House aides, then-chief strategist Stephen Bannon and then-deputy chief of staff Joe Hagin, on an April 2017 trip met at a private bar on the resort's premises before Secret Service agents ushered the bartender away for them to drink in private.

After the group left, staff at the Trump Organization property tallied up the alcoholic drinks consumed, which totaled just over $800, according to ProPublica. A 20 percent service charge pushed the final bill to $1,076.

The two men have since left the Trump administration. When contacted by ProPublica, Hagin reportedly did not respond to requests for comment and Bannon denied drinking at Mar-a-Lago and said he did not recall the episode. An email obtained by ProPublica from Brooke Watson, Mar-a-Lago's catering director, confirmed the aides by name as being in attendance.


That doesn't surprise me in the least. Trump seems like the kind of guy who would go to a funeral and send the family of the deceased a bill for his travel expenses. But then again that's why he doesn't get invited anywhere! This is another example of Trump shooting his mouth off where it doesn’t belong and it will always get him in trouble.

President Donald Trump weighed in Sunday morning on Saturday’s stunning Kentucky Derby controversy, coming down firmly in favor of the disqualified horse, Maximum Security.

Misspelling “Kentucky,” the president tweeted: “The Kentuky Derby decision was not a good one. It was a rough and tumble race on a wet and sloppy track, actually, a beautiful thing to watch. Only in these days of political correctness could such an overturn occur. The best horse did NOT win the Kentucky Derby - not even close!“

Later in the morning, Trump fixed his spelling.

Maximum Security finished first in the 145th running of the annual Kentucky Derby only to be disqualified for bumping into another horse and thereby obstructing others on the muddy track. The disqualification for interference left Country House, a 65-1 long shot, as the unlikely Derby champion — and cost those who had bet on the favorite millions of dollars.

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[font size="8"]Top 10 Investigates: Assaults In The Military
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It’s time to investigate beyond the headlines! This is Top 10 Investigates!

In the last 5 years there has been an alarming rise in sexual assaults in the military. It’s nothing to joke about either and we will try to keep this piece tasteful. But what’s fueling the rise in assaults? Like everything else it starts at the top. Especially when we elect a president who has a sorted history of sexual assault. But is it because it’s easier than ever to report? Or is it something else that could cause such a rise in such a horrible statistic?

The US military is reporting a disturbing spike in the number of active-duty service members who said they’d experienced sexual assault last year, raising questions once again about the military’s handling of misconduct.

The Pentagon estimates that about 20,500 service members across the military branches — about 13,000 women and 7,500 men — were sexually assaulted in the 2018 fiscal year, based on data from an anonymous survey that’s compiled by the Department of Defense every two years.

That’s a four-year high — and an alarming jump from 2016, in which 14,900 service members said they had been sexually assaulted.

The increase mostly came from female active duty members. The report found that women ages 17 to 24 were the most likely to say they’d been assaulted. (The number of sexual assaults reported by men rose just slightly.)

Yup sounds about right. But 20,500 service members is a shockingly high number across all five branches of the military! Just one should be alarming. However, 20,000??? Right now, the United States currently has no Secretary Of Defense, thanks to the Trump administration. So the head boss who would normally be overseeing such insight is nowhere to be found.

Sexual assault in the American military surged in the last two years, driven almost entirely by a 50 percent increase in assaults on women in uniform, according to a survey released on Thursday by the Defense Department.

The department’s annual Report on Sexual Assault in the Military estimated that there were 20,500 instances of “unwanted sexual contact” in the 2018 fiscal year, based on a survey of men and women across the Army, Navy, Air Force and Marines. That was an increase of 38 percent from the previous survey in 2016.

The grim data provide considerable ammunition for critics in Congress and veterans’ groups who have pressed repeatedly to change the way the military prosecutes sexual assault crimes. They want authority over such cases shifted away from military commanders and into the hands of an independent prosecutor’s office.

“These aren’t just numbers, these are people’s lives,” said Representative Jackie Speier, Democrat of California, who has pushed to remove the authority from commanders.

And that is a good point. But when there’s no head of the department to give orders, what exactly happens then? Well, the Pentagon is attempting to crack down on such extremely horrible behavior, but it appears that the beatings will continue until morale improves.

The U.S. Defense Department said on Thursday the estimated number of sexual assaults in the military climbed nearly 38 percent in 2018 compared with a survey two years earlier, data that critics say laid bare broken Pentagon promises of a crackdown.

The Pentagon said there were 6,053 reports of sexual assaults last year, according to an anonymous, bi-annual survey. It is the highest since the U.S. military began collecting this kind of survey data in 2004.

Taking into consideration unreported cases as well, the military survey estimated 20,500 male and female service members experienced some kind of sexual assault last year. The estimated number in 2016 was 14,900.

The campaign against sexual assault in the military again gained momentum in March when Republican Senator Martha McSally, the first female combat pilot in the U.S. Air Force, said she had been raped by a superior officer. She said she did not report it because she blamed herself and did not trust the system.

Well, we probably should start thinking about tomorrow. Because if the military is in that kind of shambles over this sort of thing, what message does it send to future generations? Is there a way to eradicate it? Is there a cure for it? This is something that whoever runs against President Trump needs to address in 2020. And there’s already solutions but nothing has been implemented yet.

Acting Defense Secretary Patrick M. Shanahan has proposed sweeping changes to the way the military handles sexual assault and harassment cases. This comes after the Pentagon revealed a stunning increase in the number of sexual misconduct cases, which rose by 38% in 2018, according to a report released Thursday.

The analysis, which surveyed both men and women from the Army, Navy, Air Force and Marines, shows about 25,000 instances of "unwanted sexual contact," a category that ranges from groping to rape. The number, obtained from the results of a biennial survey, marked a significant increase from about 14,900 when the military last conducted a similar survey in 2016.

"To put it bluntly, we are not performing to the standards and expectations we have for ourselves or each other," Shanahan said in a statement Thursday after he reviewed the latest data. "This is unacceptable. We cannot shrink from facing the challenge head on. We must, and will, do better."

That’s it this week for Top 10 Investigates. Good day.

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[font size="8"]Holy Shit
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Gather around, my fair brothers and sisters of Montana, it’s time to take a seat in the pew and pass the collection plate! For the Holy Church of the Top 10 has convened and it’s our weekly duty to remind you why the holiest among us are also the most full of:

My fair congregation!!! You know last week we had a holy day. That day was the National Day Of Prayer for GAWD’s watchful eye over this great nation! But some – particularly the unholy, ungodly Dark One and his minion servants take it to extremes. Now should we allow someone who does the Devil’s Work to preach to us about what is godly or ungodly? I say no!!! But then again I am reminded that one of our most popular bands right now sings songs about Satan and performs in front of a cathedral backdrop, so it goes without saying. But, however, that is utter hypocrisy, and I think that the good LAWRD JAYSUS hated the hypocrites! Why is the Dark One suddenly talking about the LAWRD?

Donald Trump is finding religion. Or at least, religion is finding its way into his remarks and his campaign’s rhetoric to an unprecedented extent.

On Thursday, the president celebrated the National Day of Prayer at the White House, and he said the Almighty had helped him persevere through the ordeal of Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s investigation.

“People say, ‘How do you get through that whole stuff? How do you get through those witch hunts and everything else?’” Trump said, turning to Vice President Pence. “And you know what we do, Mike? We just do it, right? And we think about God.”

In a variation on his claims about a “war on Christmas,” Trump also claimed that Americans are referring to the Divine more frequently.

“One of the things that Mike and I were discussing just a little while ago—people are so proud to be using that beautiful word, God, and they’re using the word God again, and they’re not hiding from it,” he said. “They’re not being told to take it down, and they’re not saying we can’t honor God. In God we trust. So important.”

You know that brings up a good point – GAWD hears all and sees all, but when the ungodly talk to him about things he doesn’t want to hear, like the fake War On Christmas that nobody wanted or even still cares about, that is considered heresy of the highest order!!!! But is the Dark One a poser or is he the real thing? No, he’s a poser. Just look at what he said about the Poway shooting.

'As a Jew, you are a soldier of G‑d,' Chabad Rabbi of Poway tells audience, before calling Trump a 'mensch'

US President Donald Trump urged Americans to fight anti-Semitism during an ecumenical meeting in the White House's Rose Garden on Wednesday.

"We will fight with all our strength and everything that we have in our bodies to defeat anti-Semitism, to end the attacks on the Jewish people and to conquer all forms of persecution, intolerance and hate," the president said.

The National Day of Prayer is an annual commemoration held on the first Thursday of May, during which people of all faiths are asked "to turn to God in prayer and meditation."

The president ceded his place to the Chabad rabbi who was injured during last week's attack on a synagogue in Poway, CA.

Yes because the good LAWRD, while he not judgeth less ye be judged… oh who am I kidding? Uhb… Rabbi Goldstein? Sir? You’re standing literally right next to the guy who is responsible for the rise in anti-Semitism that is plaguing this fair land of ours!!! Can I get an amen??? But which GAWD is the Dark One referring to? Is he referring to the wise, caring and just GAWD that we worship here? Or is he referring to the dark GAWD from the Old Testament? Yeah I think it’s the latter.

In his remarks for the service and worship at the White House for the National Day of Prayer on Thursday, President Donald Trump stressed that Americans place "our hope in the hands of our Creator" and pray that that "these United States" will be blessed by the goodness, grace, and "eternal glory of God."

The National Day of Prayer was started by President Harry Truman and Congress in 1952. The purpose is for the federal government to officially recognize God and the necessity of prayer and "set aside each year" a specific day "for the American people to turn to God in prayer and meditation," said Vice President Mike Pence in his remarks at the Rose Garden.

"Ever since then, every president has issued a proclamation in honor of this great tradition," said Pence. "And President Donald Trump continues that tradition today."

In addition to his remarks at the Rose Garden, President Trump tweeted, "On this day of prayer, we once again place our hopes in the hands of our Creator."

"We give thanks for this wondrous land of liberty, & we pray that THIS nation – OUR home – these United States – will forever be strengthened by the Goodness and the Grace & the eternal GLORY OF GOD!" said Trump.

And you know that verse is in our good book! Because really why do they keep brining up GAwD when it is apparent that they really know nothing about how the good LAWRD works? He seeks to unify us, not divide us! And that is why if they bring up GAWD in the public square, they need not be shunned. But while the rest of us pray for our forgiveness, he prays for himself. So do we really want him telling us that it’s OK to say GAWD again?

First lady Melania Trump received praise for tweeting that the National Day of Prayer on Thursday was an occasion to "cherish the freedom of religion," while her husband President Donald Trump politicized the day by taking a jab at the recently concluded special counsel investigation and saying that prayer helped him survive "witch hunts."

"@POTUS and I welcomed many influencers of faith in observance and celebration of the #NationalDayofPrayer to the @WhiteHouse today," Melania Trump tweeted Thursday afternoon, following an event at the White House rose garden. "God Bless this great nation where we cherish the freedom of religion."

The first lady's post included photos of her leading a ceremony honoring the day, and a picture of her praying as her husband spoke at the podium.

After Melania Trump's ceremony lead off, the president thanked her "for the great job" she had done as first lady.

"People love you no matter where I go," the president said. "They love you.”

And that is true! I know since the Dark One has assumed power, I have been using his name a lot more, and in ways I shant repeat in my church! Mass has ended, may you go in peace! That’s it this week for:

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[font size="8"]We’re All Gonna Die
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Hey everyone guess what? We’re all gonna die! Woooooooooooooooooo!!!!! Woooooooo!!!! Wooo. Woo. So how are we gonna die this week? There’s plenty of reasons from fiery plane crashes to alarming rises in overall global temperatures killing life as we know it to deadly diseases coming back strong after being eradicated 50 years ago. We’re going to talk about the latter this week and I couldn’t love this more, because it’s really a coming together of two bullshit causes – Scientology and anti-vaccination crusaders. It’s created a melting pot, you know, like when the T1000 melts together and becomes one giant super robot. So how did this happen? And where is it going from here? Well we’re all gonna die.

Talk about being a ship out of luck. Rather than continue on its journey, a cruise ship has remained docked in the Caribbean port of St. Lucia with its nearly 300 passengers and crew quarantined since Monday morning. What's up with the dock? A female crew member on the boat turned up with, guess what, the measles.

Yes, that virus that we thought was basically eliminated from the U.S. in 2000 has made it on to a boat, specifically, according to NBC News, the "Freewinds" ship, owned by the Church of Scientology. The Church of Scientology web site describes the "Freewinds" as a "440-foot ship based in the Caribbean" and "the home of the Flag Ship Service Organization (FSSO), a religious retreat ministering the most advanced level of spiritual counseling in the Scientology religion." The website goes on to say that "The Freewinds is a very special place. It is the one place a Scientologist may go and be certain he will be able to devote himself entirely to his religious practice and in the company of people who share his religious commitment and outlook on life in general."

Right now the Freewinds is also a very quarantined place. Being quarantined means that you are kept from interacting with others because you may have been exposed to an infectious disease. You stay in quarantine until you either start showing signs of the disease or are past the time that you could develop and spread the disease. If you do develop the disease, being kept separate is then called isolation rather than quarantine.

That is a good point there! Bullshit is everywhere and this is the coming together of two very different types of bullshit. And it wasn’t just their Sea Org cruise vessel, they’re still there. Yes there’s enough cases of the measles to keep that boat parked there for a long time. Yeah, really, fuck you anti vaccination crusaders. And by the way, Sea Org isn’t just a cruise line, it’s also a slave labor camp!

According to the church, the Freewinds is less a vacation and more of a floating religious retreat center. Some former Scientologists have described it in harsher terms, but more on that later.

Once upon a time, Scientology had a fleet of ships, the church says, which were manned by its Sea Organization. The ships and crew helped Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard with “research” and supervised church functions around the world, according to the church.

Scientologists compare the “Sea Org” to members of a religious order, like monks and nuns, who devote their lives to the faith, often working long hours for no pay and living communally. The Freewinds is entirely staffed by the Sea Org, the church says, who dress in spiffy naval uniforms.

But there was another reason for Scientologists’ seafaring ways, say scholars who have studied the church. In the late 1960s several countries, including the United States, started scrutinizing Hubbard’s new movement. He had been kicked out of England in 1968, according to Hugh Urban, author of “The Church of Scientology: A History of a New Religion.”

I got news for you, Christianity! While you are busy *PLANNING* the apocalypse, Scientology might be one step ahead of you! And it’s not going to be a nuclear Armageddon that’s going to kill us all, a second plague consisting of a measles outbreak brought about by idiots is far more likely! So how do we rid ourselves of this nuisance that we originally rid ourselves of? Well, let’s look to Germany for starters.

German parents who fail to vaccinate their children against measles could face fines of up to €2,500 ($2,800), as part of draft legislation from the country's health minister.

"I want to eradicate measles," Health Minister Jens Spahn told German newspaper Bild am Sonntag on Sunday, according to a transcript of the interview published by the Health Ministry.

"Anyone going to a kindergarten or school should be vaccinated against measles," he said, adding that parents would need to show proof of vaccination or could face fines and exclusion from daycare.

The proposal comes as Germany reported one of the highest numbers of measles cases in Europe between March 2018 and February this year, at 651, according to the European Centre for Disease Prevention and Control (ECDC). Topping the list was Italy, with 2,498 reported cases.

Hey Germany, if you think throwing money at a problem is going to make it go away, you have obviously never met Americans. We pay our $100,000 health care tabs and proudly go for broke trying, because fuck socialism! But you really want to know the scary thing? That luxury boat / slave ship isn’t going anywhere, it could be parked and quarantined for weeks. So yeah, we, and by “we”, I mean “they” might actually all die.

The ship has been quarantined for nearly a week after health authorities on St. Lucia confirmed a female crew member from Europe was infected with measles. While in St. Lucia, the ship’s doctor requested 100 doses of the vaccine. If taken within 72 hours of exposure, the vaccine can prevent the disease even if the infected person had not been previously vaccinated, Schaffner said.

Only one case has been confirmed so far, but if more people are infected, the quarantine would extend even longer, Schaffner added.

Illuminating detail: The ship has been identified as Freewinds, a Scientology-owned vessel most famous for hosting Tom Cruise’s 42nd birthday. According to the Church of Scientology’s website, Freewinds is operated by the Sea Org, a religious order within Scientology in which members live communally and work long hours for the church.

Scientology whistleblowers have alleged the Sea Org is an abusive cult whose members work in inhumane conditions for little or no pay against their will.

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[font size="8"]Beating A Dead Horse: Drive Thru Therapy
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There’s lots of things you can count on. Death. Taxes. Southern white guys like Jeff Sessions getting “the vapors”, Donald Trump misspelling something completely stupid. And there’s also corporations telling you how to think and feel through their products. This is about that very thing, because if there’s one thing I want, it’s corporations telling me how I should think and feel. So Burger King is taking things to extremes and playing a drive thru therapist. Think of it like that movie Inside Out. Are you happy? Are you sad? Are you extremely pissed off to where only Lewis Black can properly express how you really feel?

The realm of quick service restaurants (QSRs) is and actually always has been a pretty innovative space. The drive-thru window, for example, first met the market in 1947 when it was introduced to the world by Sheldon “Red” Chaney, operator of Red’s Giant Hamburg in Springfield, Missouri. If you’ve never heard of Red, before, it’s because he’s not the guy who became famous for the idea. That honor fell to Ray Kroc — who made the idea famous when he opened the first McDonald’s franchise in Chicago eight years later.

McDonald’s did, however, more or less invent the concept of a Happy Meal to attract kids, launching it back in 1979. The concept was invented by a Guatemalan McDonald’s franchise operator, Yolanda Fernández de Cofińo, in the mid-70s.

In the modern digital era of QSR, it is almost impossible not to mention Starbucks and its myriad contributions to innovation — including the first really successful launch of a mobile wallet product in the U.S. and leading the field when it came to introducing mobile order-ahead to the market. Starbucks first rolled out nationwide mobile order-ahead about four and a half years ago, in late 2015. As of late spring 2019, mobile represents roughly 60 percent of all digital restaurant orders today, according to the PYMNTS Mobile-Order Ahead Tracker.

And of course hardly a week passes here at PYMNTS when we are not announcing some new innovation application in the QSR space. Advances in ordering ahead, rewards offers, delivery options — take your pick, you can probably find an announcement about one of these things or another out of a major chain within the last 14 days.

That is the ultimate PR fuck you by the way. It’s one thing to say “We understand that not everybody is happy all the time”. It’s another thing to say “Burger King understands that not everybody is happy all the time”. It’s inserting advertising crap where there doesn’t need to be any. I would just get the pissed off meal all the time not only just to fuck with them, but I’m also fucking pissed we have that guy in the White House! It’s a good reason why they’re doing this – raising awareness for mental health. But then again when you add the advertising angle it really loses all meaning. So is this a good thing?

To be fair — if we really need to be “fair” to massive corporations and the advertising agencies they employ (in this case, the Boston-based MullenLowe) — Burger King is not the first brand to use depression, millennial anxiety, or general malaise to sell food. Tons of brands speak in the first person on the internet now, often to express enthusiasm or disappointment or generalized awe that Beyoncé still exists and is releasing work. Denny’s Diner has been using this strategy on Twitter for several years, and literally tweeted “we’re not just a diner, we’re also your buddy,” earlier this year.

In September 2018, the frozen steak brand Steak Umms made waves with a tweet storm that started, “why are so many young people flocking to brands on social media for love, guidance, and attention? I’ll tell you why. they’re isolated from real communities, working service jobs they hate while barely making ends meat, and are living w/ unchecked personal/mental health problems.”

(Note: “meat.”)

“For years, brands have packaged a seething pessimism that is felt by today’s young adults and sold it to us to drive business,” Eater’s Chris Fuhrmeister wrote, reflecting on the year in food advertising in December. “They’ve played their part in ramping up the waves of depression and disillusionment that come as a result of prolonged exposure to bad vibes and bad news.” The Steak Umms tweets were an obvious culmination of the trend, he argued. And “if channeling the dark inner thoughts that plague millennials continues to garner engagement and sales, it won’t be long until all the other brands join in the melancholy.”

Whoa, that guy is pissed off! But sorry Burger King and Dennys, you may serve us lunch and corporations may be people since the George Bush administration, but you aren’t our friends! Although cheers to all the angry loners out there who might think corporations want to be your friends, and corporations are people in this day and age. But guess what? They’re not your friends. They’re out to make a buck and that’s about it. Here’s the thing – depression is a serious mental illness that should be taken very seriously. When you add advertising garbage to it, it fucks it up.

This new tweet represents an evolution of one of 2018’s most groan-worthy social media trends: brands selling you depression. But unlike, say, the Steak-Umm’s mental health rant from last year, Sunny D created a message — “I can’t do this anymore” — that is vague and seemingly designed to mean different things to different Twitter users. Some people read it as a whimsical comment about post-Super Bowl inertia, but clearly, others read it as a cry for help.

The Sunny D tweet arrived shortly after a few high-profile performers shared troubling messages about mental health on social media, leading their friends and the authorities to respond in real life. Back in December, SNL comedian Pete Davidson Instagrammed the message, “I really don’t want to be on this earth anymore,” prompting a police officer to go to his house to check on the star. (Davidson would later acknowledge the incident during a “Weekend Update” sketch on SNL.) And last month, rapper CupcakKe tweeted a message about planning to commit suicide, leading friends to get in touch with local police, who then took her to the hospital. She later tweeted, “I’ve been fighting with depression for the longest ..sorry that I did it public last night but I’m okay,” noting that “im [sic] finally getting the help that I need to get through.”

Especially right now, Twitter users are attuned to spot any tweet that could be considered a cry for help — which is why this new Sunny D message is all the more egregious. Outside of its original context, its vagueness elicited lots of real emotions and concerns: If the social media manager of this account needs help, the powers that be at Sunny D should not only step in and let the employee take a mental health break, some thought. If this was a more calculated stunt — if there was no one actually suffering on the other end of the Twitter account — then this is just an act of pure exploitation, others argued; an attempt to leverage the conversations about millennial burnout and Gen Z’s anxiety into brand engagement.

And sadly, based on the trail of retweets and replies that Sunny D has been serving up, it appears that it’s encouraging the “life is hard” interpretation of the tweet:

Hey hey don’t cry! It’s kind of what we do here – tear apart bullshit whether it’s in marketing or politics, and this is exactly that – grade A bullshit. Here’s the thing – raising awareness of the collective mental health of this country? A great cause. Using it to hawk your bullshit garbage? Not! Maybe it’s just time to turn off social media for a while. Your device has an “off switch” you know!

Each of 143 participants completed a survey to determine mood and well-being at the study's start, plus shared shots of their iPhone battery screens to offer a week's worth of baseline social-media data. Participants were then randomly assigned to a control group, which had users maintain their typical social-media behavior, or an experimental group that limited time on Facebook, Snapchat, and Instagram to 10 minutes per platform per day.

For the next three weeks, participants shared iPhone battery screenshots to give the researchers weekly tallies for each individual. With those data in hand, Hunt then looked at seven outcome measures including fear of missing out, anxiety, depression, and loneliness.

"Here's the bottom line," she says. "Using less social media than you normally would leads to significant decreases in both depression and loneliness. These effects are particularly pronounced for folks who were more depressed when they came into the study."

Hunt stresses that the findings do not suggest that 18- to 22-year-olds should stop using social media altogether. In fact, she built the study as she did to stay away from what she considers an unrealistic goal. The work does, however, speak to the idea that limiting screen time on these apps couldn't hurt.

"It is a little ironic that reducing your use of social media actually makes you feel less lonely," she says. But when she digs a little deeper, the findings make sense. "Some of the existing literature on social media suggests there's an enormous amount of social comparison that happens. When you look at other people's lives, particularly on Instagram, it's easy to conclude that everyone else's life is cooler or better than yours."

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[font size="8"]I Need A Drink
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Hey Montana we’re at a brewery and I really need a drink!

So you know the idea behind this segment is that too much talking about politics and everything else that goes on in the world causes us to drink. But we have a rule here at the Top 10 – while we are drinking, we talk about literally anything in the world as long as it doesn’t relate to politics, because mixing drinking and politics never ends well. Tell me bartender – what goes well with a music festival fail? Really? You don’t have any suggestions for that? Why don’t you bring over a couple of pitchers of IPAs? Oh yeah that’s the stuff! Two years ago, we went through the epic fail that was the Fyre Festival, and it was a colossal fail. Now this year the 50th anniversary of Woodstock also crashed and burned. So how did it happen?

The troubled Woodstock 50 festival has run into more difficulties, as multiple sources told Variety late Friday that the April 22 on-sale date for the event has been postponed.

Agents for artists scheduled to perform at the festival — which include Jay-Z, Dead & Company, Chance the Rapper, Miley Cyrus, Imagine Dragons and Halsey — received a notice from festival talent buyer Danny Wimmer Presents that reads, according to Hits Daily Double, “There is currently a hold on the Woodstock 50 on-sale date. We are waiting on an official press statement from Woodstock 50 regarding updated announce, ticket pricing, and overall festival information. We will get this information to you as soon as we receive it.”

Tim O’Hearn, administrator for Schuyler County, where the event is scheduled to be held, told the Poughkeepsie Journal that the state Department of Health is reviewing Woodstock 50’s permit application, which he said was submitted April 15. The state must issue a temporary permit for events before ticket sales can begin, he said. Ticket prices have not been revealed in the month since the festival’s lineup was announced.

A spokesperson for the festival seemed to dispute reports of trouble in a statement to Variety that reads: “Woodstock is a phenomenon that for fifty years has drawn attention to its principles and also the rumors that can be attached to that attention. Just more rumors.”

Of course it’s executive drunk! It’s like regular drunk except there’s no bar required. And it’s apparently still slightly OK to drive. But we don’t encourage that here. Getting off topic. So of course we’ve all been burned by bad ticket sales – just ask anyone who attempted to get tickets for the Rolling Stones’ Honk tour, or Metallica’s S&M show in San Francisco. Now what are other ways this could possibly go wrong? Well several!

A dispute among Woodstock 50 organizers over whether the upcoming anniversary concert is canceled or not marks the latest issue to plague concerts linked to the famous festival held in August 1969.

In fact, the original concert — the Woodstock Music and Art Fair — lost its site in July 1969, about a month before it was scheduled to be held. Woodstock co-producer and co-founder Michael Lang quickly found farmland owned by Sullivan County farmer Max Yasgur and announced within days that Woodstock would be held in Bethel.

The rest, as they say, is history.

Uncertainty, however, now hangs over plans for a 50th anniversary Woodstock concert scheduled for Aug. 16-18 in Watkins Glen, Schuyler County.

So is Woodstock 50th anniversary concert an even bigger fail than the Fyre Festival? Well time will certainly tell on that one and you can always judge a fail by the quality of the people behind the fail, but this is my favorite part of the story. What are the odds on the festival’s cancellation? Anyone? Well of course for those compulsive gamblers, Vegas has you covered!

It’s not just amateurs who look at the ongoing imbroglio over the Woodstock 50 festival and think: What are the odds that it ends up being a go? Don’t worry — the pros in Las Vegas have set their minds to it, too.

Jay Kornegay, the head of the Race & Sports Book Operations at Westgate Resorts in Las Vegas, has done his research. “You have so many different views here, with a lot of contradictory information,” he says. “I don’t have a dog in this fight, but based on what I’ve gathered, it’s close to a ‘pick-em,’ a 50-50 bet.”

Woodstock founder Michael Lang is used to bucking odds. After all, no one thought the beatific hippie could pull off the original Woodstock back in 1969, but after all the location disputes, gridlocked traffic, mud and free admission, he and his partners ended up with a money-making documentary and a brand that has seemingly withstood the test of time.

The promoter continues to insist Woodstock 50 will take place August 16-18 at Watkins Glen Speedway in upstate New York, and the acts remain on hold, having been paid. But the well-publicized travesty of the Fyre Festival has people increasingly gun-shy about how to overcome such tough logistics. The loss of Japanese financiers Dentsu and now Lang’s production company, Superfly, compounded by a missed on-sale ticket date of April 22, have left the fate of the festival very much in doubt.

Yeah so if you’re gambling don’t bother with statistics and odds, just go with the flow here, and have another drink. I mean if the odds are that Woodstock 50 is a go, why wouldn’t it be? Oh wait, the show has effectively been cancelled. Well at least the Woodstock 50 people and the Fyre Festival people can maybe trade some notes because they are both are total clusterfucks.

The festival is scheduled to begin Aug. 16 at Watkins Glen International raceway in Schuyler County.

Lang declined to say when, if the list of needs is not met in the next two weeks as hopes, he would pull the plug on the festival. But, he said, “If it’s going to happen it’s going to come together very quick.”

Underscoring this all is a pattern in which Lang says one thing and others say something else, or nothing at all. And, though Lang has the experience of promoting three previous versions of Woodstock, the brand’s legacy as a cultural touchstone cannot be separated from its legacy of problems.

Even the original, held in Sullivan County on Aug. 15-18, 1969, is known for its traffic, rain and attendees who found a way around buying tickets.

What impact those issues have had on the music industry’s confidence in Lang’s ability to smoothly create a festival of this scope is unclear. But, there are those who have faith in his ability to rally.

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[font size="8"]Stupidest State Contest: Selection Sunday
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16 states will enter and only one state will be crowned the new Top 10 Conservative Idiots Stupidest State!

Welcome back! If you’ve been following along at home, we are in the home stretch here in the 2019 Stupidest State contest! We’re just a mere three rounds away from calling our champion! Last week we had a major bracket buster as Georgia stunned Kentucky and came back with a last second 3 pointer to win the Batshit Conference championship! This week, it’s a duel to the death of your bank account as two juggernauts in the Beltway go for broke as Michigan takes on Wisconsin for the Fiscal Irresponsibility Conference championship! We’re live at the home of the San Diego State Aztecs, the Viejas Arena in San Diego for all the action action action! Let’s get out those brackets so we can follow along!


[font size="4"]Wisconsin Vs Michigan[/font]

[font size="4"]Wisconsin[/font]

When we last saw Wisconsin, they were still trying to court Foxconn to build a gigantic LED factory in the state and Foxconn was holding it in front of their noses the same way that a jockey dangles a carrot in front of a horse. Yes, Foxconn, the Chinese mega conglomerate that manufactures everything we use that has an on / off switch and gave us the iPhone and worker suicide nets. And yes, the state is still going after it!

MADISON, Wis. (AP) — Foxconn Technology Group leader Terry Gou met privately with Wisconsin Gov. Tony Evers for the first time on Thursday, a day after Gou recommitted to a massive project in the state following a White House meeting with President Donald Trump.

Questions about Foxconn's commitment to the Wisconsin project have swirled for months, but Gou and the project's backers tried to put those to rest. Evers, who ran for office as a critic of Foxconn, said he hoped the project would be successful, even if it's smaller than originally envisioned.

Foxconn, the world's largest electronics company whose customers include Apple, Amazon and Google, plans to build a display screen factory in southeast Wisconsin. Foxconn reached the deal with former Republican Gov. Scott Walker and Evers was critical of the taxpayer credits promised to the company during his successful campaign against Walker last year.

Evers told reporters Thursday that he planned to tell Gou he looked forward to making sure the Wisconsin project was successful. But Evers said there was no question the project was going to be smaller than originally planned, given that Foxconn has said publicly it's building a factory that makes smaller display screens than the existing contract envisioned.

Read more: https://www.mankatofreepress.com/region/foxconn-ceo-meets-with-trump-wisconsin-governor/article_89c12429-b960-5a0b-82a7-fb916ca4cba6.html

We’ve been following this situation very closely, and it’s what one would call, I don’t know, a “clusterfuck of epic proportions”. Foxconn says one thing, the Wisconsin GOP says another thing, Trump says another thing… just… AHHH!!!! And let’s move on to other topics, like something Wisconsin shares a border with: lakes! And Republicans there are out to make Madison the next Flint!

Pitting the city of Milwaukee against the state of Wisconsin is nothing new in Badger State politics. But that type of toxic rhetoric reached a new low this spring when Republican legislative leadership indicated they would not support a proposal from the new Democratic governor to replace lead pipes across the state because too much of the money would be going to Milwaukee. With these comments, this much has been made clear: Wisconsin Republicans are playing politics with something that quite literally is poisoning children in the state’s largest city.

The infrastructure bringing water into people’s homes is a public safety threat, one that puts children and pregnant mothers at particular risk. Gov. Tony Evers is proposing to add a $40 million budget item to begin the process of replacing the 200,000 lead lateral service lines in Wisconsin, 77,000 of which are in Milwaukee.

Rep. John Nygren (R-Marinette), a powerful member of the Legislature’s Joint Finance Committee, speaking alongside Assembly Speaker Robin Vos (R-Burlington), said on Wednesday, April 10, “My understanding is that the proposal, a vast majority of it, is going to Milwaukee. We had targeted our response to the lead issue as a local opportunity for communities to get involved and provide assistance at the local level, rather than people from Marinette funding lead replacements in Milwaukee. I’m not sure that that’s necessarily fair from a taxpayer standpoint.”

And that’s probably a simulation of what the actual color of the water is going to look like once Wisconsin republicans get to it! And in case you’re wondering whether or not we live in the Matrix, well, the Wisconsin GOP just won a crazy order to get all of Scott Walker’s appointees back on the bench. Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! This is after the Wisconsin GOP staged a coup against the new Democratic senate. Yes, we live in the Matrix, and the Koch Bros are Agent Smith.

Wisconsin’s Supreme Court has handed another win to Republicans in the ongoing dispute over legislation and appointments passed during last year’s lame-duck session.

The state’s high court voted 4-3 on Tuesday to restore all 82 appointees then-Gov. Scott Walker (R) made before Democratic Gov. Tony Evers was sworn in on Jan. 7, The Associated Press reported.

“The 82 appointees shall immediately be allowed to perform the duties of their respective positions in the same manner as they were performing those duties,” the court said, according to AP.

The ruling will allow 15 of Walker’s appointees who Evers did not reappoint to return to their posts. This includes positions on the Public Service Commission and the University of Wisconsin Board of Regents.

[font size="4"]Michigan[/font]

Ah, Michigan. You might be thinking why is Michigan always a contender? They’re generally a democratic state. They have one of the most progressive governors in the country. They have a balanced education system and some of the most popular universities in the entire United States of America. Well, just like a rusty 1969 Chevy Impala, look under the hood because you will see something very frightening lurking underneath! I mean after all this is the state that gave us Education Secretary Betsy DeVos, Blackwater, and governor Rick Snyder. So how is the Wolverine State doing?

Michigan's attorney general pledged Monday to move to shut down an oil pipeline in the Great Lakes if the governor doesn't find a "swift and straightforward" resolution to the contentious issue.

Gov. Gretchen Whitmer last month halted state agencies' work to facilitate construction of a tunnel beneath the lakebed to house a new segment of Line 5 in the channel where Lakes Huron and Michigan meet, pointing to a legal opinion from Attorney General Dana Nessel while citing concerns that her Republican predecessor's plan would keep the existing 66-year-old pipeline in the water too long. But the Democrat said this month she was open to still building the tunnel . Her administration is in talks with pipeline owner and operator Enbridge.

"I respect the Governor's effort to find a swift and straightforward resolution to this issue, but if unsuccessful I will use every resource available to our office to shut down Line 5 to protect our Great Lakes," Nessel, a Democrat who promised during her campaign to close the pipeline, said in a short statement.

A spokeswoman later said while Nessel was reluctant to impose a specific deadline on Whitmer's efforts with Enbridge, she was hopeful that the governor by June 1 would have a plan for decommissioning Line 5.

Read more: https://www.macombdaily.com/news/michigan-ag-i-ll-move-to-shut-oil-pipeline-if/article_e14623e2-6b3f-11e9-a1b0-870997e7847b.html

Just ask Washington how well their oil pipeline is going, and I would like to tell both states where they can stick their pipelines. I’ll give you a hint – it’s where the sun don’t shine. And by the way remember when I said that Michigan was the home of Betsy DeVos? Well guess what? Her brother Erik Prince, the founder of Blackwater, could be in some very big trouble!

The chairman of the House Intelligence Committee says Michigan's Erik Prince — Betsy DeVos' brother — needs to be investigated to determine whether he lied to Congress over a meeting with a Russian financier.

Speaking at a Washington Post Live event on Tuesday, Chairman Adam Schiff, D-Calif., said the committee will make a criminal referral to the Justice Department about the possibility that Prince gave the panel false testimony.

Prince, a former Navy SEAL who grew up in west Michigan and went on to found the security company Blackwater, was mentioned prominently in the report by Special Counsel Robert Mueller in regards to a meeting he had with a prominent Russian financier with close ties to Vladimir Putin just before President Donald Trump took office.

Prince, who was close to the Trump campaign and adviser Steve Bannon, told congressional investigators that the meeting in the Seychelles with Kirill Dmitriev was a random meeting and not arranged at the request of Trump's transition team.

Read more: https://www.freep.com/story/news/local/michigan/2019/04/30/erik-prince-betsy-devos-mueller-report/3625518002/

And by the way if you think Agent Smith had his iron grip on Wisconsin, there’s a gerrymandering case going before the Michigan Supreme Court that could mean that we’re all royally fucked. Yes, the GOP could have an iron reign on the Beltway for generations to come. Which means more Foxconn and slave labor factories! I for one welcome our new corporate overlords!

As promised, Michigan Republicans filed a notice of an appeal to the U.S. Supreme Court of a bombshell ruling that the state’s political districts were illegally gerrymandered and must be redrawn in time for 2020 elections.

The short filing Tuesday includes no legal arguments, which will be filed separately. Republicans are also expected to ask that the lower court’s ruling be stayed, or delayed, until the high court decides similar cases involving redistricting disputes in Maryland and North Carolina.

Amber McCann, a spokeswoman for Senate Majority Leader Mike Shirkey, R-Clarklake, said arguments in support of a stay will be included when the request is filed in court.

Signing on to the appeals were the Republican-controlled Michigan Senate and GOP Sens. Jim Stamas of Midland, Ken Horn of Frankenmuth, and Lana Theis of Brighton; and House Speaker Lee Chatfield, R-Levering, state Rep. Aaron Miller, R-Sturgis, and Michigan’s Republican congressional delegation, according to federal court records.

Read more: https://www.bridgemi.com/public-sector/michigan-republicans-appeal-gerrymandering-ruling-what-you-need-know

[font size="4"]And The Winner Is…[/font]

Wow this is a close one! Neither team is going down without a fight! We are into the first overtime with less than a minute to go. Score is 80 – 80 tied. Wisconsin for the 3… IT’S GOOD!!!! Wisconsin wins with a final score of 83 – 80! They are celebrating on the court, they are going to Los Angeles for the Final Four at USC! Michigan walks off the court defeated. Oh my god what a victory!

[font size="4"]Next Week:[/font]

Here we are folks, it’s time for the Stupidest State Final Four!!! We’re live at the home of the USC Trojans, the fabulous Galen Center in downtown Los Angeles for all the action! In the Flyover League championship, we have two heavyweights – Florida vs Alabama duking it out. While in the Layover League championship, we will have Georgia taking on Wisconsin for the crown! We will have the games and the net cutting ceremonies to look forward to!

[font size="8"]And Now This:[/font]
[font size="8”]X Ambassadors[/font]

Ladies and gentlemen, my next guest is an awesome band from Long Island, New York. You can see them at various festivals across the country including the KROQ Weenie Roast on June 8th. Playing their song called “Boom” from their album ORION out June 14th, give it up for X Ambassadors!

Thank you Montana and the good folks at Big Sky Brewery! This was fun! We’ll be back soon. We’re back home in Hollywood for the remainder of the season. See you next week!


Host: Initech
Top 10 Conservative Idiots Recorded In Front Of Live Audience At: Big Sky Brewery, Missoula, MT
Special Thanks To: Big Sky Brewery
Holy Shit Gospel Choir: University Of Montana Choir Club, Missoula, MT
Images: All images copyright belongs to respective copyright holders.
Videos: All videos copyright belongs to respective copyright holders
Articles: All article content copyright belongs to respective copyright holders
Writing: Top 10 Writing Department
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Research: Top 10 Research Department
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Legal: Top 10 Legal Department
Advertising: Top 10 Advertising Department
HR: Top 10 Human Resources Department
Initech’s Wardrobe Provided By: JAB Inc.
Wheel Of Corruption By: Studio 1 Stage Props, Burbank, CA
X Ambassadors Appear Courtesy Of: Interscope Records
Management: Initech Productions, CCC Management
Follow The Top 10 On Twitter at: @10Idiots
Questions? Comments? Complaints? Hate mail? E-mail The Top 10 at: Top10ConIdiots@gmail.com

Initech Productions: Yes, We Got The Memo

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Reply Top 10 Conservative Idiots #6-17: The C Word Minus The C Edition (Original post)
Top 10 Idiots May 2019 OP
malaise May 2019 #1
NurseJackie May 2019 #2
Top 10 Idiots May 2019 #3

Response to Top 10 Idiots (Original post)

Wed May 8, 2019, 05:31 PM

1. Kick and Recommend

Bookmarked as well

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Response to Top 10 Idiots (Original post)

Wed May 8, 2019, 06:27 PM

2. Nicely done, but the special formatting codes don't work any more.

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Response to NurseJackie (Reply #2)

Thu May 9, 2019, 12:29 AM

3. Yeah I should probably get rid of those.

They worked fine before the second hack but now they don't. I'll probably start phasing them out in the next season.

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