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Wed Mar 13, 2019, 05:47 PM

Just Go Ahead And Tell Yourself Bribery Is The Only Reason You Didn't Get Into Columbia

YOUR LITTLE HEAD—Confirming that oh, sure, probably no one gets into the prestigious university without their wealthy parents pulling some strings, a report released Wednesday in the wake of a major college admissions scandal stated that if it makes you feel better, you can believe bribery is the only reason you didn’t get into Columbia. “Okay, buddy—just go ahead and tell yourself an admissions officer was holding two applications in his hands, yours and one from a person whose mom or dad handed him a big sack of cash,” read the report, going on to add that a large-scale bribery scandal was a far more likely explanation for your rejection from a highly selective Ivy League school than the fact that you partied more than you studied in high school and got middling scores on the SAT. “Uh-huh, even though you had no extracurriculars and a 3.2 GPA, you were probably only turned down because your parents weren’t rich CEOs or celebrities willing to pay hundreds of thousands of dollars to help you cheat on a standardized test or falsify an application. Just hold on to that for the rest of your life, champ.” The report concluded with a recommendation that you should go ahead and buy yourself a Columbia sweatshirt, because any day now they are likely to see the error of their ways and offer you an honorary degree.

https://www.theonion.com/report-just-go-ahead-and-tell-yourself-bribery-is-the-1833263308

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Reply Just Go Ahead And Tell Yourself Bribery Is The Only Reason You Didn't Get Into Columbia (Original post)
Yo_Mama_Been_Loggin Mar 13 OP
MiniMe Mar 13 #1
irisblue Mar 13 #2
AncientGeezer Mar 13 #3
irisblue Mar 13 #5
trixie2 Mar 13 #4

Response to Yo_Mama_Been_Loggin (Original post)

Wed Mar 13, 2019, 05:51 PM

1. Well, I didn't apply. That could be reason too

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Response to Yo_Mama_Been_Loggin (Original post)

Wed Mar 13, 2019, 05:56 PM

2. So...

How did Meghan McCain get into Columbia?

🤔

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Response to irisblue (Reply #2)

Wed Mar 13, 2019, 06:09 PM

3. She's not a dumb woman...but it's a Legacy deal.

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Response to AncientGeezer (Reply #3)

Wed Mar 13, 2019, 06:18 PM

5. Ok, I'm confused

Not seeing Columbia University in either Cindy or Johns wiki pages.
Her mother has a tonne of $ and her father was a sitting US Senator. She sure didn't financial aid to cover costs.
I'm not seeing post bachelors degree scholarship in art history from Meghan, so help me out, no snark, how is this legacy? Her grandparents?

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Response to Yo_Mama_Been_Loggin (Original post)

Wed Mar 13, 2019, 06:14 PM

4. OMG I have a brilliant idea for t-shirts

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