General Discussion
Related: Editorials & Other Articles, Issue Forums, Alliance Forums, Region ForumsHow to wash a cat--
seriously--no one would do this --and cat lovers will LOL
more facebook funniez
HubertHeaver
(2,522 posts)The next time you even think "bathroom" with the cat in your arms, the cat will cut you to ribbons.
Ezlivin
(8,153 posts)Just kidding, of course.
silverweb
(16,402 posts)[font color="green" face="Verdana"]Haven't seen it in a long while and LOL'd all over again. Thanks!
On edit: Remember this one? How to give a cat a pill.
fleur-de-lisa
(14,624 posts)How to Give a Cat a Pill:
1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cats mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for and count to ten.
5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse in from the garden.
6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail. Get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans and drink one beer to take taste away. Apply band-aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with rubber band.
11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
12. Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from the top of the tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat.
13. Take last pill from foil wrap. Using heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed, tie the little fuckers front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour two pints of water down throat to wash pill down.
14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room. Sit quietly while doctor injects antibiotics, stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.
15. Arrange for SPCA to collect shithead, mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any dogs.
How To Give A Dog A Pill:
1. Wrap it in bacon.
2. Toss it in the air.
maxsolomon
(33,268 posts)yardwork
(61,588 posts)I'm sure that you posted this with good intentions not realizing how horrific some people can be in committing incredibly sadistic acts of cruelty on animals. In light of what people actually do to the animals, this joke isn't funny. Please self-delete.
treestar
(82,383 posts)[IMG][/IMG]
fleur-de-lisa
(14,624 posts)genxlib
(5,524 posts)That is the funniest thing I have seen in a long time.
RagAss
(13,832 posts)nc4bo
(17,651 posts)Not sure why I thought it was 4.
cr8tvlde
(1,185 posts)Almost couldn't finish reading because of the tears of hilarity dripping on my glasses...thank you, thank you.
cr8tvlde
(1,185 posts)lonestarnot
(77,097 posts)roof of their cars for a blow dry. argh.
cr8tvlde
(1,185 posts)SoCalDem
(103,856 posts)AtomicKitten
(46,585 posts)I need to give my Ren a bath, his first. I have been procrastinating for weeks.
I am of this kitty --
hifiguy
(33,688 posts)Take cat to groomer.
Let groomer deal with bathing and brushing feline Tasmanian Devil.
Pick up clean, groomed cat a few hours later.
Pay the $60 and tip groomer generously.
Take cat home.
That's my strategy.
Zorra
(27,670 posts)HopeHoops
(47,675 posts)She looks like a wet rat and no bigger than a hamster when she does that. Peter just trips over his big feet and falls in the water dish. They'll both be easy to bathe.
HooptieWagon
(17,064 posts)But I used to have a Manx. Biggest problem was keeping her out of the water. Had to shut bathroom door to keep her from joining me in shower or bath. Loved to go outside after rainstorm and lay in the puddles.
pinboy3niner
(53,339 posts)How did they know? I never even wrote it down, so now I'm kinda !
I KNEW I shoulda patented it!1!!
Damn!