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Sun Feb 10, 2019, 09:21 PM

why most rape victims never acknowledge what happened

http://www.bbc.com/future/story/20181102-why-dont-rape-and-sexual-assault-victims-come-forward

A meta-analysis of 28 studies of women and girls aged 14 and older who had had non-consensual sex obtained through force, threat or incapacitation found that 60% of these victims didn’t acknowledge that they had been raped.

Labelling of unwanted sexual experiences is generally a gradual process, and one of the hallmarks of PTSD is emotional or behavioural avoidance of reminders of the trauma. In fact, 75% of the people who contact centres run by the organisation Rape Crisis England and Wales are seeking support for an assault that took place at least a year earlier.

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Reply why most rape victims never acknowledge what happened (Original post)
Fresh_Start Feb 10 OP
guillaumeb Feb 10 #1
spooky3 Feb 10 #2
Guy Whitey Corngood Feb 10 #3
happybird Feb 10 #4
TexasBushwhacker Monday #5
Fresh_Start Monday #6
58Sunliner Monday #7
Johnny2X2X Monday #8
Fresh_Start Monday #9
Johnny2X2X Monday #10
Fresh_Start Monday #11
Johnny2X2X Monday #12
niyad Monday #13
theboss Monday #14

Response to Fresh_Start (Original post)

Sun Feb 10, 2019, 09:29 PM

1. Recommended for visibility.

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Response to Fresh_Start (Original post)

Sun Feb 10, 2019, 11:38 PM

2. knr

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Response to Fresh_Start (Original post)

Sun Feb 10, 2019, 11:39 PM

3. K&Fuckin'R

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Response to Fresh_Start (Original post)

Sun Feb 10, 2019, 11:47 PM

4. Thank you

for this and your other posts tonight.
This article, in particular, hit me hard (in a good way). I knew there must be women (and men) out there who had reactions similar to my own, but had no idea the % was so high.

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Response to Fresh_Start (Original post)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 12:15 AM

5. This struck me

"For instance, it’s common that victims of rape don’t physically resist because they’re unconscious, terrified or physically frozen. In a 2017 study of women visiting an emergency rape clinic in Stockholm, 70% reported significant tonic immobility: a temporary and involuntary paralysis stemming from intense fear. These women hadn’t passively consented. Their bodies had responded in a biologically normal way to a threat.

Dissociation, which Korbel first experienced as a teenager, is another unsurprising automatic response to threat. As Zoe Peterson, a clinical psychologist who leads Indiana University’s Kinsey Institute Sexual Assault Research Initiative, says, “it’s frequent – when people are in a traumatic experience that they have no physical way of escaping – that they sort of psychologically escape”."

I've seen so many comments like "Why didn't she resist?", "Why didn't she kick him in the balls?" "Why didn't she just bite his dick?". Why? Be cause one VERY NORMAL response to a threat is to FREEZE and it's involuntary. Now, add to that the assailant may think if she doesn't resist, she must be consenting. So there you have the he said, she said situation.



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Response to TexasBushwhacker (Reply #5)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 01:02 AM

6. another article I linked to said female response is freeze, appease, befriend

male hormones drive fight or flight
female hormones drive automatic responses

another reason why he said/she said would be different

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Response to Fresh_Start (Original post)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 01:42 AM

7. Good post. It's a physical state of shock stemming from an existential threat.

Reminds me of what an animal who freezes in fear must feel like. So tired trying to educate prejudiced people who have conditions that must be met before one can be a bona fide rape victim. Thanks for the link.

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Response to Fresh_Start (Original post)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 10:44 AM

8. Self examination

New views on sexual assault have led me, and probably most men, to examine their pasts. I've asked myself some tough questions. I have a clear conscience, but there was a lot of post bar drunk sex in my past. There were times I barely remembered what happened the next day, could a woman I was with maybe have remembered what happened differently than I? Yes, they could have because one such incident did happen in my life.

I had seen this woman a few times, never had sex with her, but had been physically intimate with her more than once. We traveled in intersecting circles of friends and frequented the same bars. One night we left the bar together and went to my apartment, hung out with my dog for a bit, kissed a little and fell asleep in my bed together. I woke up in the morning with her on top of me with her hands down my underwear. I reciprocated and we had sex with her on top, it was really nice for me. We went to breakfast and I took her home and we made plans to see each other a few days later. So I was really shocked a couple days later when I heard she was telling people that she was really drunk and that she doesn't remember everything, but I took advantage of her. Apparently, she had a boyfriend who found out she left the bar with me and she was telling him that I did something wrong to her. I was shocked, angry, and hurt all at the same time. Of course I called her up immediately and asked her why she would say what she said. She said she barely remembered it because she was too drunk (even though neither of us had a drink for at least 8 hours before sex). I told her not to ever speak to me again. To this day I am not sure why she said what she said. I can assume she was making up a lie to cover her cheating, but I don't really know what went through her head, did she really have a totally different recollection? Was my recollection all wrong?

Nothing ever came of this incident, but it just goes to show you how 2 people can potentially remember the same encounter 2 different ways. It really makes me wonder if other casual encounters were different for my partner than for me. Whatever the case is, I'm so happy to be married and not have to navigate the dating scene anymore.

I've never felt like I've ever forced a woman to do anything with me, I hope every one I've ever been with feels the same way.

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Response to Johnny2X2X (Reply #8)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 11:03 AM

9. I think the evolving understanding on consent

is drunk or high cannot be consent.
Which I fully understand was not always a shared view.

I appreciate your self-examination.

I don't deny that women and men are capable of lying...and we know that fidelity in relationships is uncommon. So lying about cheating would not be uncommon either.

So I wouldn't suggest to you that her story to her boyfriends is an accusation about sexual assault against you.

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Response to Fresh_Start (Reply #9)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 12:47 PM

10. If drunk means no consent then this country is full of victims and rapists

I've had sex drunk too many times to count, sometimes the next day I felt regret for having sex. Does that mean I'm a victim of rape now? Like it or not, people are having drunk sex by the millions each and every week in this country.

It's such a delicate subject, I've been an advocate for victims of sexual assault. A date rape situation completely broke up my college friend group because some of us chose to believe and support the victim. I don't regret 1 thing about that although it was not easy to do. That was a blurry line to a lot of people back then (Mid 90s), not to me, but I could understand why some people didn't want to get involved considering the victim and her assaulter were girlfriend and boyfriend and had been dating for several months at the time of the assault. Now the line seems even more blurry.

I'm just happy I no longer have to navigate single life. But even married, my wife and I used to like to drink, we've had sex drunk off our asses and barely remembered it the next day. Some people would now classify this as wrong I guess.

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Response to Johnny2X2X (Reply #10)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 12:52 PM

11. I'd have to think that drunk with regular sex partner

is entirely different than drunk with a stranger or drunk with someone you don't have an intimate relationship with

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Response to Fresh_Start (Reply #11)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 01:01 PM

12. I agree

But I'd bet not everyone agrees.

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Response to Fresh_Start (Original post)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 01:23 PM

13. k and r

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Response to Fresh_Start (Original post)

Mon Feb 11, 2019, 01:30 PM

14. I like True Crime books and podcasts.

About five years, I stumbled down the East Area Rapist/Golden State Killer rabbit hole.

He's one of the most prolific serial rapist and then serial killers in history. And what I've always wondered is how many unreported rapes were on his resume.

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