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Wed Jan 16, 2019, 05:00 PM

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #6-2: House Of Carbs Edition

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #6-2: House Of Carbs Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots!! 15 minutes with us can save you $500 or more on your car insurance. We are back! What’s up Seattle? You guys doing good? Yeah so you know computer glitches and technological difficulties kept us from being here the last time which was back in September, but we are here now! This is a great city, I always have fun when I’m here although I will say visiting in January? Probably not the greatest idea we’ve had lately. But we’re going to hunker down and power through it and move on to the next week because that’s what we do here. At least we’ll get some Beechers Mac & Cheese out of it. Because that’s why we do this – it’s for the mac n’ cheese. I’m just kidding, we do this for you guys. Do we have time for the thing? Yes? OK good. So we have to talk about this old clip that recently surfaced. And for those of you who follow what’s going on you can see where I’m going with this. There was an old western series from the 1950s called Trackdown. And this was a wild west series starring Robert Culp that aired for two seasons on CBS. And one episode in particular is called “The End Of The World”, which was the 30th episode of the series. So the antagonist in the show is named “Walter Trump”. Again, you can see where I’m going with this. Well, Mr. Trump warns the townspeople that impending disaster is coming and that the only way to save their impending doom is guess what? That’s right – a wall. And you know what? Fuck it, we’re going to forgo our usual talk show clip and show this in its’ entirety because it’s utterly spectacular. He even acts like Trump! This is a crazy example of life imitating art. Let’s show that!

So where do we begin for this week? For the number one slot this week is of course the guy who we currently call president, Donald J. Trump (1) and on Monday, he had the NCAA football champion Clemson Tigers over for the traditional White House visit. But the food he served, well, let’s say it needs improvement. In the second slot this week is also Donald J. Trump (2) and oh my god, the hits just keep on coming and whew, he might have had his worst week ever! For the third slot this week is Steve King (3) and if you have to ask whether or not it’s OK to be racist, you’re a racist. Taking the 4th slot this week is the Alt Right (4) which includes Laura Loomer accidentally proving why walls don’t work and Alex Jones getting his ass handed to him in court, among other things. In the fifth slot this week is our weekly investigative piece Top 10 Investigates (5) and this week is of course the annual CES in Las Vegas and we’re going to talk about all the strange and weird tech coming out of the conference. In the sixth slot this week is of course our weekly visit to the Holy Church Of The Top 10 in “Holy Shit”, and this week our resident pastor is going to ask the question that’s on everybody’s minds – “would Jesus build the wall?”. The answer might surprise you! For the seventh slot this week we have a brand new edition of “Beating A Dead Horse” and in light of Kevin Hart getting snubbed for the Oscars hosting job, how old is too old for a tweet to still be relevant? We will get to the bottom of this mystery! For the 8th slot this week, Youtube star Logan Paul (8) is back in the news for of course all the wrong reasons, and we’re going to ask “Logan Paul’s Youtube Channel: How Is This Still A Thing?”. For the number 9 (NEIN!!!!) we have a new People Are Dumb, because well, stupid doesn’t take a holiday, and neither do we! Except of course for all the holidays we actually do take. And our next installment of our ongoing series that explains how government works to conspiracy theorists, Deep State Diaries, is going into deep space and hanging out with NASA! Plus we have some live music for you from Rufus Du Sol! Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

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[font size="8"]Donald J. Trump & The Terrible, Horrible, No Good Very Bad Week
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Congratulations to the Clemson Tigers for winning this year’s College National Championship. What a game that was! I mean Alabama got their asses handed to them didn’t they? Well the Tigers will get to visit the White House. And remember what an honor that used to be? Well thanks to a certain guy who is currently called president, they might want to reconsider. Especially considering that he’s channeling his inner Richmond Valentine from the movie “Kingsman: The Secret Service”. Or maybe Kevin Spacey from House Of Cards. OK, bad example. Well, Clemson, here’s what you got waiting for you!

The Clemson football team’s visit to the White House on Monday night is going to be a greasy one.

The Tigers were invited by President Donald Trump to celebrate their national championship victory over Alabama and, according to Trump, the menu is going to be all fast food.

“I think we’re going to serve McDonald’s, Wendy’s and Burger King’s [sic], with some pizza,” Trump said. “I really mean it. It’ll be interesting. I think that would be their favorite food, so we’ll see what happens.”

It sounds like Clemson will be getting the authentic White House experience, enjoying some of the president’s favorite foods. In a book about the 2016 campaign, two top Trump aides wrote that the “four major food groups” on Trump’s plane were “McDonald’s, Kentucky Fried Chicken, pizza and Diet Coke.”

The menu probably isn’t a hit with Clemson Director of Football Nutrition Paul Harrington, though. We’ve emailed Harrington for his thoughts and will update this post if he gets back to us.

That’s right! No shut down means no White House staff which means no White House kitchen staff to cook for the Clemson team! So you could say that this is a House Of Carbs! And by the way this is what happens when the country is run by the less sophisticated – they actually enjoyed it! Either their standards are incredibly low or they haven’t had a decent meal in months! What is Clemson feeding them?

President Donald Trump paid tribute to college football champion Clemson for winning the College Football Playoff National Championship at a White House ceremony Monday evening.

Trump said he paid for their meal of "American fast food'' because of the partial government shutdown. He did not disclose the tab.

"We went off and we ordered American fast food, paid for by me. Lots of hamburgers, lots of pizza,'' Trump said after returning to the White House from a trip to New Orleans. "I think they'd like it better than anything we could give."

Some players "whooped" when they saw the spread, according a pool report.

"We have some very large people that like eating, so I think we're going to have a little fun," said the president, a fast-food lover himself.

Spokeswoman Sarah Huckabee Sanders said much of the staff that works in the White House residence has been furloughed due to the shutdown, "so the president is personally paying for the event to be catered with some of everyone's favorite fast foods."

Wow, how our standards have fallen as a society. Really he’s the kind of guy who would replace the White House kitchen with a McDonalds and Burger King just because he could. And he’s also fat and has no taste. And by the way let’s show that picture of Trump with the spread.

First off why is Trump like so proud of this? He’s feeding a championship football team garbage fast food that you can buy at the Flying J off the interstate. And second, why is he doing jazz hands? Ah, never mind, I have the answer! Just look at what Abe Lincoln is doing in the background!

By the way you’re wondering how much this spread costs, well…

Trump said, “So I had a choice. Do we have no food for you? Because we have a shutdown,” Business Insider reported. “Or do we give you some little, quick salads that the First Lady will make?”

White House press secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders in a statement blamed Democrats for the shutdown and said that Trump was personally paying for the food.

The White House didn’t release the cost of the meal, but some news outlets tried to estimate the expense. The Post worked it out to be $2,911.44—or maybe $2,437.11, depending on whether the food came from the 2-for-$5 menu.

USA Today estimated the expense to be $861.72. Maybe the difference came down to what was included. USA Today didn’t include french fries or pizza, which Trump said would be part of the order, because none appeared in the pictures they used for their estimate.

Yeah so he spent $860 on fucking fast food. Really there were no other restaurants around? I mean you don’t own one that’s literally 5 miles from where you live? That wouldn’t work? Oh fuck it. I give up sometimes. And by the way here’s how much of a flaming narcissist Trump is. Not only did he pay for the food, he also said it was all food he likes, and he didn’t even get the quantities right!

Imagine being invited to the White House for dinner. You pack your best suit or dress and fly up to Washington, D.C. The day of the dinner, the president announces to reporters that he will be serving you fast food. He seems really excited about it. “I think we’re going to serve McDonald’s, Wendy’s and Burger King with some pizza,” he says. “I really meant it. It’ll be interesting. I would think that’s their favorite food. So we’ll see what happens.”

He has to be kidding, right? He really means it? It’ll be interesting? We’ll see what happens? A few hours later you head to the White House, go through security and enter the State Dining Room. This is what you see:

Yes, President Trump served selections from McDonald’s, Wendy’s and Burger King to the Clemson Tigers football team, who were in Washington on Monday to celebrate their national championship. The scene was surreal, with boxes of Quarter Pounders piled high on the White House’s silver serving ware. Sterling gravy boats were stuffed with dipping sauce containers. Fries had been removed from their original packaging and put into paper cups emblazoned with the presidential seal.

Trump was beaming. “I like it all,” the president said as aides lit an ornate candelabra. “It’s all good stuff. Great American food. It will be very interesting to see at the end of this evening how many are left.” He added that “the Republicans are really, really sticking together” and that “we need border security.”

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[font size="8"]Donald Trump
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Pop quiz hot shot! You’re Donald J. Trump, and we all know that Trump is the best at everything, he knows the most about everything, and you’re faced with a government shutdown that you yourself caused, which is now considered the longest in American history. What do you do? Sulk? Tweet angrily on the toilet about it? Or do you just make shit up? Well if you’re Trump, you can probably guess that he just made shit up. I mean Fox News clouds his brain so much that he literally can’t decipher right from wrong, and you can imagine how well that went.

The Trump administration now estimates that the cost of the government shutdown will be twice as steep as originally forecast.

The original estimate that the partial shutdown would subtract 0.1 percentage point from growth every two weeks has now been doubled to a 0.1 percentage point subtraction every week, according to an official who asked not to be named.

The administration had initially counted just the impact from the 800,000 federal workers not receiving their paychecks. But they now believe the impact doubles, due to greater losses from private contractors also out of work and other government spending and functions that won’t occur.

If the shutdown lasts the rest of this month, it could subtract a sizable half a percentage point from gross domestic product, the official said.

The subtraction from growth would add to the troubles of an economy already thought to be slowing from the waning effects of tax stimulus, trade tensions and gathering global weakness.

And what’s the over – under on how long the shutdown is going to go? Well considering what a man child that Trump is, it could go on indefinitely. He’s actually pretty proud of it. I mean he engineered this and is blaming the dems to get away with it, because reasons. Also, liberal derangement syndrome. So how deep does his LDS go? Well pretty deep.

President Trump on Monday shared an op-ed from a writer claiming to be an anonymous senior member of his administration who harshly criticizes federal workers as disloyal to the White House and worthy of losing their jobs.

The writer of the op-ed, published by conservative news site The Daily Caller, argues the partial government shutdown is an opportunity for Trump to greatly reduce the size of government.

“On an average day, roughly 15 percent of the employees around me are exceptional patriots serving their country. I wish I could give competitive salaries to them and no one else,” the op-ed reads. “But 80 percent feel no pressure to produce results. If they don’t feel like doing what they are told, they don’t.”

Later in the op-ed, the author states that the first goal of the shutdown should be to win better security particularly at the southern border. Uniformed border officials should be paid, but nonessential employees should be let go, the author writes.

So you only want to give salaries to people who you think are “patriots”? And why should that other 80%? You know why they’re not compelled to produce results? Because they’re not getting paid to do so! Yeah money is a big motivator! If I didn’t know any better, I would say this is DJT & The Terrible, Horrible, No Good Very Bad Week. I mean what happens when you painted yourself into a corner when you’re in a round office? Only Trump could do that.

New polling indicates that President Donald Trump does not have a winning option to get out of this partial government shutdown, and his position is deteriorating.

Let's start with the most important fact when it comes to gaming out the shutdown: the President is becoming more unpopular. His net approval rating (approval rating -- disapproval rating) in an average of polls before the shutdown was -10 points. It's now down to -14 points. That may not seem like a big drop but remember this is a president who has had among the most stable approval ratings on record.
Now, one move the President could decide to take to help his own standing is to push harder on the shutdown. Yet, the longer the shutdown goes, and the harder Trump has pushed his position, the more Americans are blaming him for it.

In a Quinnipiac University poll taken before the shutdown, 51% of voters said they'd blame the Republicans for the shutdown to 37% who said they'd blame the Democrats. A Quinnipiac poll conducted over the last week now puts Republican blame at 56% and Democratic blame at 36%. Put another way, voters are 5 points more likely to blame Republicans and 1 point less likely to blame Democrats for the shutdown than they were before the shutdown began.

By the way, no, you fucking idiots, this is not a vacation. There’s people still working and not getting paid any money to do their jobs. This talking point really needs to die the horrible death it very much deserves. I mean you can’t possibly get any lower than thinking people who are basically fired are just taking a vacation.

White House economic adviser Kevin Hassett said furloughed federal workers who are not getting paid during the partial government shutdown are "better off" because they didn't have to use vacation days.
"Huge share of government workers were going to take vacation days, say between Christmas and New Year's. And then we have a shutdown and so they can't go to work, and so then they have the vacation but they don't have to use their vacation days," Hassett told PBS during an appearance on "NewsHour."
On Saturday, the ongoing partial government shutdown broke the record to become the longest government shutdown in US history -- with no end in sight. The shutdown has impacted roughly a quarter of the federal government and hundreds of thousands of federal workers. An estimated 800,000 federal workers have been affected by the lapse in funding -- either by having to work without pay while it lasts or by being furloughed.
"And then they come back and then they get their back pay, then they're, in some sense they're better off," Hassett said.

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[font size="8"]Steve King
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Hey it’s time to play a game!

Hey I’m your host for this game! So… audience… IS IT RACIST??? Yeah probably. I’m of course talking about the fact that Iowa representative Steve King (R-Obviously) screwed the pooch by asking about the validity of white supremacism and why it’s a bad thing in society. Hey Mr. King, if you have to ask, you’re a racist! So why is white supremacy such a bad thing in society? Well for one thing it is against American ideals where everyone is free and equal. And two, I don’t know, we fought a whole fucking world war over it! So what happened?

In a Thursday interview with The New York Times, Rep. Steve King (R-IA) decried the demonization of the term “white supremacist,” and wondered why it had become deemed to be offensive in the first place. King first claimed that he supported immigrants who came to America legally and assimilated into the culture—because, he said, maintaining a white European “culture of America” is more important than maintaining racial homogeneity. “White nationalist, white supremacist, Western civilization—how did that language become offensive?” King added. “Why did I sit in classes teaching me about the merits of our history and our civilization?”

King’s extremist ideology has ostracized him from some in the Republican Party, but has been embraced by President Trump and is reflected in his agenda. Early on in Trump’s term, the president invited King to the Oval Office, where he boasted of having raised more money for the congressman’s campaigns than anyone else, King recalled in an interview with the Times. “Yes, Mr. President,” King replied. “But I market-tested your immigration policy for 14 years, and that ought to be worth something.”

That is a good question! So Steve King is apparently too extreme for this party, and this is in an era where white supremacism has been made fashionable again! When you’re too extreme for this bunch, that’s pretty fucking extreme. Just how toxic is Steve King?

House Republican leaders removed Representative Steve King of Iowa from the Judiciary and Agriculture Committees on Monday night as party officials scrambled to appear tough on racism and contain damage from comments Mr. King made to The New York Times questioning why white supremacy is considered offensive.

The punishment came on a day when Mr. King was denounced by an array of Republican leaders, though not President Trump. The Senate majority leader, Mitch McConnell, suggested Mr. King find “another line of work” and Senator Mitt Romney said he should quit. And the House Republicans, in an attempt to be proactive, stripped him of the committee seats in the face of multiple Democratic resolutions to censure Mr. King that are being introduced this week.

Those measures would force Republicans to take a stand on the House Democratic majority’s attempt to publicly reprimand one of their own.

Mr. King, who has been an ally of President Trump on the border wall and other issues, has a long history of making racist remarks and insults about immigrants, but has not drawn rebukes from Republican leaders until recently. In November, top Iowa Republicans like Senator Charles E. Grassley endorsed Mr. King for re-election even after one House Republican official came out and denounced him as a white supremacist.

That’s right! Steve King got shitcanned from all of his committee assignments. And that is a pretty big deal to get that to happen. The bottom line if you have to ask whether or not racism is acceptable again, you’re a fucking racist. He’s even so extreme that the republican party has called for him to resign over this remark.

Rep. Liz Cheney (R-Wy.), the third-ranking House Republican, on Tuesday said Rep. Steve King (R-Iowa) should step down after he questioned why the term “white supremacist” was considered offensive.

“I think he should find another line of work,” Cheney told reporters. “His language questioning whether or not the notion of white supremacy is offensive is absolutely abhorrent, it’s racist, we do not support it or agree with it.”

She said she agrees with Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell (R-Ky.), who on Sunday called King’s remarks to The New York Times “unwelcome and unworthy of his elected position.”

House Republicans stripped King of congressional committee assignments on Monday in response to the veteran lawmaker’s remarks. King had served on the House committees on agriculture, the judiciary and small business.

You tell ‘em Bruce! And here’s the thing – this is the party that made racism and white supremacism fashionable again. It’s all about projection. You know – that thing that Trump tries to do when he can’t think of an actual solution to a problem. And by the way you wonder what they’re saying on Fox? They are literally doing everything they can to avoid the 800 pound gorilla in the room.

With sunrise Tuesday, a new day dawned for Rep. Steve King (R-Iowa). Less than 24 hours prior, the eight-term congressman had been stripped of his committee positions by the new Republican leadership in the 116th Congress, a result of his being unusually careless in espousing his views on white nationalism in an interview with the New York Times last week.

The story had attracted national media attention, with many of his colleagues criticizing the rhetorical question he posed to the Times' Trip Gabriel: “White nationalist, white supremacist, Western civilization — how did that language become offensive?”

President Trump, at least, reserved judgment.

“I haven’t been following it,” Trump said at the White House on Monday. “I really haven’t been following it.”

In one sense, it’s surprising — unbelievable, really — that a president would be unfamiliar with his party’s House caucus punishing a sitting member. Particularly when that president has faced similar criticism about the nature of his rhetoric. But in another sense, it does seem fitting. After all, much of Trump’s awareness of what’s going on in the world is driven by what he sees on Fox News.

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[font size="8"]The Alt Right
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So just like Trump is having his worst week ever, the Alt Right is having their worst week ever. Can we all just hope that this alt right fad dies the horrible death it deserves? Can we banish them to the realm of Members Only, MC Hammer, and the Macarena? Well this might be my favorite story of the week. So Alt Right Barbie Laura Loomer (now with 50% more libtard owning catchphrases!), fresh off her recent stint chaining herself to Twitter headquarters (see: Idiots #5-22 ), decided to prove once and for all why having a wall is a bad idea.

Right-wing activist Laura Loomer reportedly jumped the fence around House Speaker Nancy Pelosi's California house on Monday and set up a tent to protest, according to a Daily Beast reporter.

The reporter, Will Sommer, tweeted at around 3 p.m. EST: "Laura Loomer has walked off the stream, on her way to Pelosi's house. One of her crew is claiming that it's legal to jump the fence because there were no 'no-trespassing' signs. I don't know about that!"

"One of Loomer's pals is urging viewers to come and ask for 'sanctuary' at Pelosi's house. He claims they'll be allowed to stay and won't get in legal trouble because 'we're not antifa.' Hmm!" he continued.

"Now Laura Loomer is back and saying she tried to open the doors to Pelosi's house, but they were locked. This seems like an unwise thing to be admitting!"

If you’re keeping score at home, Laura Loomer chained herself to a tent in Nancy Pelosi’s backyard to protest illegal immigration, because, reasons, and in the process single handedly proved why walls don’t work. And by the way speaking of the Alt Right, we have to point out how pathetic Proud Boys founder Gavin McInnes is. We might need the Sad Hulk Music for this one!

For months, Proud Boys founder Gavin McInnes and his wife, Emily, have been fighting to win back their neighbors in the upscale village of Larchmont, just north of New York City.

Though some townspeople have posted “Hate has no home here” signs for months ― some of them in reaction to domestic acts of terrorism, like the shooting at a synagogue in Pittsburgh last October ― others, having realized that their neighbor Gavin was the leader of an assault-prone street gang, added signs to their front yards, too.

In response, the McInneses lashed out. Gavin sent letters to those neighbors who displayed anti-hate signs in their front yards, lamenting that they represented an act of aggression against his family. Out of the other side of his mouth, he mocked them and called them “retards” on his podcast. Emily, meanwhile, publicly defended her husband and claimed that the neighbors’ messaging had put their children in danger, while privately she intimidated and threatened legal action against them.

The McInneses’ appeal to the community was plainly disingenuous, neighbors told HuffPost.

Oh womp womp, Gavin. People are tired of your toxic racism and sexism. And speaking of someone who is violently toxic, Alex Jones in what may be the best news of the week – he got his ass handed to him in court and well, the parents of the Sandy Hook victims are about to get their hands on some very valuable info that could potentially destroy Infowars as we know it.

The families of victims in the 2012 shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School must receive access to internal documents at Infowars, the internet and radio show whose host, Alex Jones, has spread the false claim that the shooting was an elaborate hoax, a judge ruled on Friday.

The ruling was a legal victory for the families, which filed a defamation lawsuit against Mr. Jones, who traffics in conspiracy theories, and Infowars last year. The suit argued that peddling bogus stories was essential to the business model of Infowars, which sells products including survivalist gear, gun paraphernalia and dietary supplements.

A gunman killed 20 children and six adults in the Sandy Hook shooting in Newtown, Conn., just over six years ago, and Mr. Jones helped to spread the idea that grieving relatives of those victims were paid “crisis actors.”

The plaintiffs in the lawsuit are relatives of five children and three adults who were killed, and one F.B.I. agent who responded to the shooting. Their complaint said the families have faced “physical confrontation and harassment, death threats, and a sustained barrage of harassment and verbal assault on social media.”

I really don’t care. Do U? You know it’s not in my nature to kick a man when he’s down, but considering Alex Jones does exactly that, I think we can make an exception for this one! Fuck you Alex, and eat a steaming bag of shit! And by the way do we really need Roku picking up Infowars? I mean come on, Roku, do you really want to be associated with that or be forever known as the official streaming service of Pepe The Frog?

Roku says it will continue to host Alex Jones’ conspiracy-theory channel Infowars despite public outcry, stating that the company doesn’t “curate or censor based on viewpoint.”

In a statement, first reported by TechCrunch, Roku says that it is not “promoting or being paid to distribute InfoWars” and that it does “not have a commercial relationship with the InfoWars.”

Roku has been receiving angry tweets from users over the past few days after many noticed that Infowars continues to be available on the TV streaming device, as first reported by DigiDay. Infowars, known for its hateful content, was effectively de-platformed last year after being booted from Apple’s App Store, YouTube, Facebook, and Twitter, dramatically limiting its ability to reach viewers.

But Roku says that Infowars hasn’t broken any of its rules. The company says it prohibits publication of content that is “unlawful, incites illegal activities, or violates third-party rights,” but that “to our knowledge, InfoWars is not currently in violation of these content policies.”

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[font size="8"]Top 10 Investigates: New Tech at CES
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[br] B

It’s time to investigate beyond the headlines! This is Top 10 Investigates!

The Smart Home industry has become a hundred billion dollar industry over the last few years. Led by Apple, Amazon, and Google, such devices have become common household place. But now this year at the Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas, things have taken a drastic turn. Smart home devices have become even smarter. There’s some really cool and interesting tech, and there’s also some weird tech, and there’s even some adult oriented tech, and that’s mainly in the upstairs CES. So what new technology do consumers have to look forward to?

For all the cool gadgets that get shown off at CES, there’s also a bunch of things that make even the most jaded tech bloggers squint in a mix of confusion and amused befuddlement. Some of it you’ll find on the main show floor, others you’ll find in the nooks and corners at the Sands Expo and Eureka Park.

Like, who needs an RGB space toilet or a booth where a smart bidet just blasts a constant stream of water at a plexiglass wall? Why are there eye massagers built from hot-plates that burn your eyelashes off? Why are we not questioning why some booths are straight up selling vibrators as face massagers? Does anyone really want a smartphone app that can read and track your sperm count? Should helicopter parents really be buying camera probes to take pictures of their babies’ inner ears? And in 2019, is it really necessary to have a Lamborghini massage chair surrounded by scantily clad booth babes gyrating to heavy metal? What about a personal watercraft shaped like a swordfish?

The answer to all of these questions is a resounding “no.” But still, the weird, bizarre, and oddly inexplicable gadgets are part of what gives CES its charm. It just wouldn’t be the same show without them. Most of these products won’t ever make it beyond the show floor, so that’s why we’ve decided to showcase them here for posterity.

Yes of course it is necessary to have all those things. And in fact our bathrooms are getting smarter as judging by the ridiculous amount of smart bathroom products that are becoming readily available for consumers as early as the next few months. Do really need a smart toilet? No.

We’ve all had those moments in the bathroom where we’ve had a pressing question come to mind and been uh, too occupied at the time to get an answer. Well, here’s one way to solve that problem. American manufacturing company Kohler is showing off an all-new toilet at CES 2019 that has support for voice assistants built right into it.

The Kohler Numi 2.0 Intelligent Toilet exists in a space somewhere between luxury and excess. According to the company, the toilet has practical features like water efficiency checks that make sure you’re never using more water than necessary. It has convenient features like smart lighting that makes it easy to see your way around the bathroom even in the dead of night — and those lights are interactive, multicolored, and dynamic so they can adjust to the setting.

It even has personalized cleansing functions that make sure the toilet is set to your specifications, including a heated seat and drying functionality.

Then there’s a feature that you probably never thought you’d see in a toilet: Voice control. The Numi 2.0 Intelligent Toilet has high-quality speakers built right into it, and those speakers come equipped with Amazon’s voice assistant Alexa. If you have a question while you’re sitting on the toilet, just ask Alexa. You can also run your home automation processes while in the bathroom. You can even have Alexa queue up your favorite playlist and watch the toilet’s lights sync up to the beat. Your bathroom can double as your own personal dance club if you so desire.

Alexa, please add “colon cleanser” to my shopping list. Thank you Alexa. And yes of course people still talk about the possibility of flying cars. Of course this has been prevalent in society ever since the movie Back To The Future Part II showed us what flying cars are capable of. It’s 2019 and we still don’t have a skyway that can take us from LA to London, damn it!

Everyone talks about how CES has become the main auto show of the year, pushing the Detroit Auto Show from its long-running time in January to June starting in 2020. But it's not just cars or what goes in them on display at the tech show in Las Vegas.

Hold on tight for some of the funkier, over-the-top concepts, prototypes, and even real production vehicles that vie for the spotlight at the massive tech trade show. Here's a collection of electric flying vehicles, electric motorcycles, three-wheeled scooters, and much more. And, as always, we can't forget the e-scooters.

The LiveWire — Harley-Davidson's first all-electric motorcycle — was on display after the motorcycle-riding community learned this week that pre-orders are now open. The bike is expected to arrive in August and will cost about $30,000.

This is not a concept vehicle — it's actually coming, and soon.
Personal flying vehicle

The ElectraFly from Deseret UAS is a hybrid-electric one-person flying vehicle. But getting someone to willingly strap into the device might be a hard sell. It's still a prototype, but the company envisions this as a tool for military or emergency services. Eventually the flying machine wants to become an air taxi. That'll be quite the ride to hail.

We really want to live in *THAT* 2015 by the way. And by the way if you’re looking for weird technology, the CES is full of it. Everything from smart diapers to the electronic equivalent of a pet rock to electronic refrigerators that remind you when to buy more beer.

The future is going to be weird. At least, that’s the impression we get from what we've seen at CES 2019 in Las Vegas. The annual consumer tech show is notorious for wacky inventions, strange gadgets, and providing tech solutions for problems you didn’t even know you had (a toilet that plays music, anyone?)

From robots that live to love you, to machines that fold your laundry for you, this year’s show has been no exception – even the humble television has had a total reconfiguration thanks to LG’s rollable OLED model that wowed us with its unique mechanical design.

Prepare to be amazed, amused, and bewildered, as we bring you our pick of the weirdest gadgets we’ve seen at CES 2019:

That’s it for Top 10 Investigates. Good day.

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[font size="8"]Holy Shit
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Gather around my fair brothers and sisters of Seattle! It’s time to take a seat in the pew and pass the collection plate, for the Holy Church Of The Top 10 has convened and it’s time to remind you that the holiest among us are the most full of:

My fair congregation! We live in troubled times right now. The world is going straight to the place where the sun don’t shine. And in our good book, does it not say that the good LAWRD JAYSUS would welcome strangers with open arms? Well those who stand by the Dark One, whose name shall not be named in my church, support his almost certainly evil plan to close our borders and ward off those who are seeking help in desperate times! They do not support the good LAWRD JAYSUS, instead they support the most immoral, inhumane Dark One who would ever dare to call himself a leader!

Never mind all that stuff in the Bible about welcoming the stranger, or “I was hungry and you gave me to food eat…” What Jesus really would like to see is a wall across the southern border of the United States; so say leaders of the Religious Right as President Donald Trump prepares to make his case in a prime-time address this evening.

While most focus on their demand that Democrats in Congress approve $5.7 billion in funding for the wall that Trump promised his groupies he’d build, a few are even egging him on to declare a national emergency and invoke those powers to re-open the government and grab money from the Pentagon in order to pay for the wall.

The current partial government shutdown is the result of Trump’s demand that Congress include those billions for the wall in the appropriations legislation required to keep the government operating. Democrats, who now control the House of Representatives, have declined to accede to that demand.

Now what might supporters of the Dark One say that would justify such an atrocity? I ask *YOU* my fair congregation! Well, the man who is literally destroying the notion of “separation of church and state”, Pastor Jeffress, said that there will be walls around Heaven! Really, now! Has he died and gone to Heaven? How would he know?

First Baptist Dallas pastor Robert Jeffress is voicing his support for President Donald Trump's demand for a wall between the U.S. and Mexico, saying Democrats are "morally liable" for what he called a humanitarian crisis at the southern border.

Jeffress, an outspoken supporter of the president, appeared on the Lou Dobbs Tonight show on Fox Business last week amid the government shutdown over Trump's dispute with Congress for border-wall funding.

During the appearance Friday, Jeffress likened the border wall to a fence around a swimming pool. If someone has a pool without a fence around it, they could be liable if a child wanders into the water and drowns, he said.

"By opposing this president and his desire to build a wall around our border, I believe the Democrats are morally liable for the death of children, the assault of women, of the humanitarian crisis we’re seeing at the border right now," he said.

Jeffress, a regular Fox News contributor, praised Trump's Oval Office address in which the president pitched his $5.7 billion funding request for the wall and repeatedly referred to a "crisis" of violence and drug-smuggling.

What’s even more insane is that Pastor Jeffress doubled down and went after critics who don’t like the Dark One’s plan! And really, who can argue with his justification? I mean if building a wall is immoral that must mean that GAWD is immoral too? You betcha!

Megachurch evangelical pastor and vociferous supporter of U.S. President Donald J. Trump, Robert Jeffress, defended the security plan of the GOP leader by saying that even Heaven will have a wall. During his interview with FOX & Friends, he made these statements as a kind of reply to House Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s description of the US-Mexico border wall as “immoral.” Pelosi is an elected Democrat from California. Jeffress is the senior pastor of the Dallas First Baptist Church.

In Trump’s defense, Jeffress said “The Bible says even Heaven itself is gonna have a wall around it. Not everybody is going to be allowed in. So if walls are immoral, then God is immoral.”

The right-wing pastor then targeted Democrats and termed them immoral for opposing President Trump’s grand plan to keep Americans safe. He also shed doubts concerning the morality of liberals who support the activities of “sanctuary cities.” These cities provide a safe haven to illegal immigrants. The pastor was effusive in praising Trump in the interview, saying that Americans should thank God for a president like him. According to the pastor, Trump takes his oath of office quite seriously and does not shirk from anything to keep the country safe. Jeffress, to boost his pro-Trump speech, took excerpts from the Old Testament to make his case. He especially quoted the Book of Nehemiah. As per scriptures, Nehemiah, a Jewish leader, was instructed by God to erect a wall encircling Jerusalem to keep its inhabitants safe. It is believed that Nehemiah was a local chief living in 5th century B.C. The president latched on to the flow of the interview pretty quick. During his Oval Office address, Trump said politicians do not construct walls around their residences as they hate people living outside. The walls are built as they love those who live inside.

Now Pastor Jeffress, I ask this with all of my deepest sincerity as a pastor myself – do the walls keep the unwanted out, or do they keep you in? I think it would do more the former than the latter! Thank you audience! Can I get an amen???? And by the way how great is our gospel choir? But if you really want to know where the support for the Dark One lies, look no further than your local church!

In setting out the Trump administration’s Middle East policy, one of the first things Mike Pompeo made clear to his audience in Cairo is that he had come to the region as “as an evangelical Christian”.

In his speech at the American University in Cairo, Pompeo said that in his state department office: “I keep a Bible open on my desk to remind me of God and his word, and the truth.”

The secretary of state’s primary message in Cairo was that the US was ready once more to embrace conservative Middle Eastern regimes, no matter how repressive, if they made common cause against Iran.

His second message was religious. In his visit to Egypt, he came across as much as a preacher as a diplomat. He talked about “America’s innate goodness” and marveled at a newly built cathedral as “a stunning testament to the Lord’s hand”.

The desire to erase Barack Obama’s legacy, Donald Trump’s instinctive embrace of autocrats, and the private interests of the Trump Organisation have all been analysed as driving forces behind the administration’s foreign policy.

And that passage is in our book, by the way! So there you have it, the people who claim to be the believers of good support the most immoral, inhumane man to ever be leader of the free world! Mass has ended, may you go in peace! That’s it this week for:

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[font size="8"]Beating A Dead Horse: Old Tweets
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There’s been a lot of controversy in the news lately about old tweets. Yeah, you might have sent that extremely poor taste transphobic joke 10 years ago but does that mean that its’ relevant to the kind of person you are now? Hell no! Most likely it was a scenario like our president Donald J. Trump who spends most of his morning hours angrily tweeting on the toilet. And you can always tell how angry Trump is by the quality of his tweets based on what time of day they are and whether or not he’s using his unsecured iPhone. It’s 3:30AM and he’s angry tweeting about Pocahontas again? He must have really had to take a colossal shit! But that aside, we’re going to talk about two scenarios - Kevin Hart who lost his Oscars hosting job after some old tweets surfaced. The other is Guardians Of The Galaxy director James Gunn – who lost the job of directing GOTG 3 after some old tweets surfaced. So let’s talk about Kevin Hart first.

Well into the new year an old controversy from 2018 continues to dominate the headlines. After being announced as the host for this year’s Academy Awards, The Upside star Kevin Hart publicly stepped down from the gig after a series of his old homophobic tweets resurfaced. Over the past week Hart has tried several times to address the issue in a series of statements, appearances and posts, several of which have only fanned the flames further.

Initially, fans and LGBTQ activists asked that Hart to apologize for the tweets, but the star refused, saying that he had “addressed” the controversial statements already. The situation seemed to come to an end on Tuesday (Jan. 8) when Hart went on Good Morning America to say that he was “done” talking about his past behavior, while definitively saying that he would not host this year's Academy Awards even if producers asked him back.

So what exactly happened? How did this situation start? When were the star's "past apologies" made? How did the whole thing go viral, and what brought Hart to where he is now? Here's a complete timeline of the Hart Oscars controversy:

Yeah so he said that what… 10 years ago? Why does he have to apologize for it now? Well let’s compare that to Guardians Of The Galaxy director James Gunn and what he had to go through for a very similar situation. This is a case of “same shit, different day”!.

Disney Studios cut ties with "Guardians of the Galaxy" director James Gunn on Friday, shortly after Gunn took responsibility for old, offensive tweets that joked about topics including rape and pedophilia.

"The offensive attitudes and statements discovered on James’ Twitter feed are indefensible and inconsistent with our studio’s values, and we have severed our business relationship with him," said Disney chairman Alan Horn in a statement obtained by USA TODAY.


The firing occurred one day after groups including conservative website The Daily Caller dug up old tweets from the filmmaker's feed. Gunn is openly liberal and a known critic of President Trump.

According to Fox News, one of the now-deleted tweets said, “I like when little boys touch me in my silly place.”

You know this begs the question – do alt right websites like the Daily Caller have Google alert listings setup for “pedophile news”? I can guarantee I don’t! They are obsessed aren’t they? Well there’s two scenarios there – both not that dissimilar from each other. Now here’s where it gets beaten to death, because why wouldn’t it?

It only takes a few seconds to search for something on someone's Twitter account. With the right terms and a little bit of intuition, one may even find something that threatens to take down an entire career.

It's happened time and time again. Most recently, to Nick Vallelonga, a producer for "The Green Book," a feel-good story about interracial friends during the era of American segregation. He had to answer for an Islamophobic tweet from 2015 in which he supported President Donald Trump's false claim that Muslims in New York City cheered during the 9/11 attacks.

It happens to stars on the rise and stars at their peak. Late last year, actor Kevin Hart stepped down from hosting the Academy Awards, a gig he once described as a "dream," after tweets from 2009 to 2011 surfaced that contained homophobic language. In the world of sports, athletes at a critical juncture in their career -- an important game, a draft decision -- have been repeatedly waylaid by their own words that could have been dug up by anyone with a Twitter account and a vague inclination.

The question is, how does it keep happening at all? We live in an age of tweeting grandmas and child YouTube stars, of hyper-curated Instagram universes and infinitely expanding digital literacy. A reasonable level of social media awareness is not too much to expect -- for stars or the people that manage them. Why do famous people, whose images are central to their relevancy and livelihoods, keep letting themselves get played for their old bad internet behavior?

But is it? Let’s examine a bit further why celebrities have a tendency to tweet out offensive shit and the answer is actually pretty obvious!

"Every single one of us has bad thoughts," says Brian Harrington, a personal branding consultant in Los Angeles. He helps people build digital footprints that communicate an authentic image, and that can mean contending with controversy.

"As cool as someone like Kevin Hart is, there are going to be parts of him or anyone else that someone isn't going to like."

Yup that’s it exactly! No matter how famous or cool anybody is, someone is going to have a problem with it. Just ask anyone who’s appeared in a Star Wars movie in the last 5 years not named Mark Hamill or Carrie Fisher. Oh really, sir, that’s the joke you choose to leave on? You’re just proving my point exactly! And to further expand on this, let’s ask Idiocracy and Brooklyn 99 star Terry Crews what he thinks about the subject!

Actor Terry Crews has weighed in on Kevin Hart’s response to the controversy surrounding the comedian’s failed opportunity to host the 2019 Academy Awards.

Hart had been tapped late last year to host the ceremony, but resurfaced homophobic tweets –and his inability to appropriately apologize– cost him the gig. A late attempt by comedian Ellen DeGeneres to get Hart the hosting gig again also failed.

And now Crews, who is friends with Hart, has been able to perfectly explain why Hart was unable to properly overcome the scandal in time to reclaim the hosting role.

“He feels like he’s being attacked,” Crews told BuzzFeed’s Twitter show “AM to DM”. “But the truth is, he’s not.”

“The truth is, Kevin, you’re not being attacked,” he continued. “The truth is you have to just acknowledge what went on and acknowledge the pain of other people. That’s all anybody’s asking for. That’s it.”

That’s all well and good Terry, but that almost never happens! But this could explain why no one wants to host the Oscars anymore. Maybe people don’t want to be subjected to that kind of scrutiny? Hey it’s almost like running for president! Almost.

It’s been 30 years since the Academy Awards did not have a host. Do you remember it? That was the year Rain Man won Best Picture in a walk, leading all nominations with eight and wins with four. There were innovations and wrinkles at the 61st Oscars: Presenters began to say “And the Oscar goes to …” rather than the standard “And the winner is …” Comic writer Bruce Vilanch, a longtime Oscars staple, was hired to pen bits for the ceremony for the first time by show producer Allan Carr. Lucille Ball made her final public appearance. Throughout the night, real-life Hollywood couples like Bruce Willis and Demi Moore, Farrah Fawcett and Ryan O’Neal, Geena Davis and Jeff Goldblum, and Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell presented awards. Beau, Jeff, and Lloyd Bridges appeared together, as did Vertigo stars Kim Novak and Jimmy Stewart. Composer and three-time Oscar winner Marvin Hamlisch served as musical arranger for the show. It was the year of Big, Working Girl, Who Framed Roger Rabbit, Dangerous Liaisons, The Last Temptation of Christ, Bull Durham, A Fish Called Wanda, Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown, and Married to the Mob, all of which were nominated in some form.

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[font size="8"]How Is This Still A Thing?
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It’s time once again to ask:

This week: Logan Paul’s Youtube Channel. How is this still a thing? If you don’t know who Youtube star Logan Paul is, you’re probably better off not knowing. Logan Paul first gained traction on the video streaming service Vine and then moved to Youtube. His videos are known for generating a ton of controversy. Last year, he earned internet notoriety for visiting Japan’s infamous “Suicide Forest” and mocking the victims who took their lives there. And in case you thought he couldn’t sink any lower than that, it gets worse.

One year ago today, YouTube star Logan Paul was facing a heavy storm of criticism for a video he posted on his popular channel. In it, he and his friends were seen walking into Japan's Aokigahara forest -- an area well-known for being a place many go to end their lives -- and coming across a body. Paul showed the body in the video, only blurring the deceased's face, and he and his friends proceeded to laugh and make jokes about the situation in the recording.

The backlash began almost immediately, with many, including fellow YouTubers, speaking out against the video, how Paul behaved in it and the intent behind it. While Paul claimed he and his friends were there to document the "haunted aspect of the forest," critics pointed out that with the forest's reputation, it seemed highly unlikely that Paul and his entourage weren't aware of what they might find. It also seemed quite plausible that they went there in search of it to begin with.

As criticism mounted, Paul released an apology, first in a tweet and then in a video. And he claimed he didn't post the video for the views. "I did it because I thought I could make a positive ripple on the internet, not cause a monsoon of negativity," he said. YouTube faced calls for change as well, with YouTuber Laci Green calling it "a sociopathic garbage fire" and others saying the company had a responsibility to prevent videos like that from ever being published.

In response, both YouTube and Paul pledged to do better. But did they?

After taking a brief hiatus, Paul returned to YouTube with a video centered on suicide prevention, which included interviews with John Draper, the director of the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, and activist Kevin Hines, among others. In the video, Paul shared ways to help those who might be considering suicide, pledged to donate $1 million and claimed the video was "just the beginning" of his self-education journey.

You mocked suicide victims, and forced Youtube to change some of its’ policies and apologize for your stupidity, what did you expect? Well in case you thought that he couldn’t possibly get any more insensitive, he goes and does this.

A year after the YouTube personality faced a wave of criticism for posting a video — which showed the body of an apparent suicide victim in Japan’s Aokigahara forest — Paul made a controversial remark about his 2019 New Year’s resolutions, sparking an immediate backlash from fans.

During an episode of his “Impaulsive” podcast on Wednesday, the 23-year-old and his co-host, Mike Majlak, explained that they were going to try a new resolution every month starting with “Sober-Vegan January” and “Fatal February.”

“We’re going to go the opposite,” Majlak said of February, noting the two will be eating steaks, drinking “big bottles” of vodka and “just wilin’ out.” For March though, the co-hosts said it was “Male-Only March.”

“We’re going to attempt to go gay for just one month,” Paul stated. “For one month, and then swing, and then go back,” Majlak added.

No… just no. You don’t “go gay” for a month. And if you have to apologize to the internet for something that they found completely insensitive and out of touch with reality, you done fucked up good sir! And if you’re wondering just how low a comment as stupid and insensitive as this was, well, be prepared for the backlash that follows!

Logan Paul, an internet personality with nearly 19 million followers on YouTube, has caused an uproar for saying that he wants to “go gay” for a month.

Paul, who made headlines last January after sharing a giggly video of a suicide victim in a Japanese forest, is best known for his goofy and laid back online persona. However, many people said that he went too far on his podcast, “Impaulsive,” last Wednesday.

Logan, talking about his resolutions for each month of the new year, said that he plans to have a “sober, vegan” January and a “male-only March.”

“It’s male-only March. We’re going to attempt to go gay for just one month,” Paul explained.

Many people wrote on social media that Paul implied that being gay is a choice, and clearly does not take the threat of homophobia seriously.

“That’s not how it works, @LoganPaul,” LGBTQ rights nonprofit GLAAD wrote on Friday.

Yeah that’s pretty low and blatantly false advertising there, Logan. By the way in case you’re wondering how his ill-fated boxing match with featherweight boxer Ryan Garcia went, well, let’s just say it did not go as expected, and Garcia got a TKO against Paul in a matter of minutes:

Ryan Garcia knocked Logan Paul to the floor with a flurry of hellacious punches following an appearance on his podcast.

The American, 20-year-old, super-featherweight boxing prospect was a guest on his fellow countryman’s show ‘Impaulsive’ this week and let the host sample a portion of his power punching after filming.

Paul, 23, is a YouTuber/Vlogger with over 18million subscribers who partook in a boxing event against rival British YouTuber Olajide ‘KSI’ Olatunji in August.

The pair are due to rematch this year, but Logan Paul has first endured a beating at the hands of Ryan Garcia, who pummelled him to the floor in an Instagram clip.

Garcia has amassed an impressive following during his development as a professional, gaining big exposure across various social media platforms despite being just 17-0.

So Logan Paul makes insensitive comments about the LGBT community, suicide victims, and got his ass kicked hard. Both literally and figuratively. That’s enough to make you ask – Logan Paul’s Youtube channel:

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[font size="8"]People Are Dumb
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Hit it!

Of course you know by now that people are people and people are dumb. Stupid never takes a holiday and even though we did a People Are Dumb last week, there’s plenty of stories this week. So I want to start with this story out of Witchita Falls, Texas. Yeah you’ve probably all seen it. And this is a perfect example of life imitating art. Remember that episode of It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia where Danny DeVito’s Frank Reynolds goes so far off the deep end that the gang has no choice but to give him an intervention and hopefully get him into rehab? And then it backfires spectacularly. Well, this woman took his concept of wine in a soda can a bit too far and well, we’ll let the story do the talking.

Wichita Falls police received a rather unique call Friday morning involving a woman drinking wine in a Walmart parking lot.

Employees requested officers to ban a woman from the local Walmart store after she reportedly had been drinking wine from a Pringles can for several hours while riding on an electric cart.

Hughes said the reporting party said the suspect had been riding around in the store's parking lot since 6:30 a.m. while drinking the alcoholic beverage.

So was it Barbecue Merlot or Pizza Pinot? Just don't mix the Smoked Cheddar with a Malbock, that's just bad for your pallet! Next up, we have this story out of Salt Lake City. Look, look. I’ve seen the hit Netflix movie “Bird Box”, and even I know that you should never attempt to drive your car with all the windows covered and painted. Because this happens:

SALT LAKE CITY (AP) — Police say a Utah teenager crashed into another car when she covered her eyes as part of the so-called “Bird Box Challenge.”

Layton police Lt. Travis Lyman said Friday that the 17-year-old drifted into oncoming traffic and hit another car after she pulled a hat over her eyes to emulate “Bird Box,” a Sandra Bullock movie on Netflix where characters must be constantly blindfolded to avoid visions that urge them to die.

Videos of people trying to do things while blindfolded have attracted widespread attention online, and Netflix tweeted a warning about the challenge last week.

No one was hurt in the Monday crash north of Salt Lake City.

Lyman says it should serve as a warning he never thought he’d have to give: Don’t drive while blindfolded.

Obviously, don’t drive blindfolded, that’s the take away that you get from this story. Next up, we have this story out of Houston, Texas. And even if you’re the owner of a super fast car like the Dodge Viper, don’t drive it as fast as this guy did, especially through a toll booth with the Houston Chief Of Police going through it.

If you ever find yourself in front of daunting red and blue lights, be thankful they don't belong to Houston's top cop – like one Houston driver experienced Friday.

Houston Police Chief Art Acevedo was driving on the Hardy Toll Road when the driver of a Dodge Viper allegedly blew past him at 140 mph, the chief told Chron.com.

"It almost took my doors off," Acevedo said describing the moment.

He radioed the driver into police dispatch and gave chase in his police Chevrolet Tahoe, topping out around 120 mph, he said.

Next up, what’s our good friend Florida Man been up to? Well if you’re in a situation where you’re being threatened with a machete, I would definitely question the sanity of anyone who then brings up a different kind of threat.

SANTA ROSA COUNTY, Fla. (WTXL) - A Florida man is behind bars after he reportedly said he was going to kill his neighbors with a machete that had the word "kindness" written on the side.

Bryan Duane Stewart, 30, has been arrested for aggravated assault with a deadly weapon and aggravated battery with a deadly weapon.

WEAR obtained an arrest report that detailed how Stewart was arrested.

Deputies responded to a home in Milton for reports of banging and yelling. According to their report, a witness saw Stewart say, "he was going to 'kill'em with kindness.'"

The neighbors then went over to the home because a woman and child were inside. WEAR reports Stewart then grabbed a small machete knife with the word "kindness" written on the side and tried to stab one of the neighbors.

Stewart also ended up cutting another neighbor who tried to help. When authorities arrived, the report says Stewart had a strong odor of alcohol coming from him and was belligerent.

Finally this week, we have this story out of Odessa, Florida. And seriously, I know that you might be a fan of a particular kind of sandwich – like the Philly Cheesesteak for instance. And if it doesn’t come a certain way, it’s easy to dismiss it. But this guy went full blown psychopath on a vendor at a flea market for this.

ODESSA, Fla. - A Florida man was arrested on a disorderly conduct charge after he got into an argument with a cashier about a cheesesteak sandwich, according to authorities.

Joseph Lagana, 27, of Port Richey, was at the Gunn Highway Flea Market in Odessa on Sunday when he got into an argument with a cashier about receiving a sesame seed bun on a Philly cheesesteak, according to a Pasco County Sheriff's Office affidavit.

A deputy called to diffuse the situation said Lagana was "being loud and argumentative" to patrons at the flea market and "appeared heavily intoxicated."

Lagana was booked into jail on the misdemeanor charge.

He was released after posting a $100 bond.

And that’s why you don’t order a cheesesteak at a flea market. That’s it this week for:

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[font size="8"]Deep State Diaries Episode 26: NASA
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It’s time for episode 26 of Deep State Diaries. Yes we’re touring the 32 branches and services that make up the United States government. Everything from the FBI to the IRS to the Pentagon to the CIA to the DPW to the DVA to parks and recreation and all branches and services in between. Of course if you’re here you probably already know more about our government and how it works than your average Fox News loving Trump supporter does. So that’s what this segment is going to address. We are going to do a deep dive into all that makes the United States the United States. Because we here at the Top 10 love to educate as well as entertain. Because we care.

[font size="6"]NASA[/font]

We need some music for this one!

Can we also get Neil DeGrasse Tyson to host this one for us? Oh. My producer is telling me that he’s currently unavailable. So we’re going into deep space this week by hanging out with the National Aeronautical and Space Administration, better known as NASA. America has had a love affair with space since the 1960s and you can see NASA in a ton of movies whether it’s real life based Apollo 13, fictional The Martian, or comedy fare like Space Cowboys and Men In Black. So what does NASA actually do? For one thing they monitor all space traffic – think of them as your local traffic reporter but with much more sophisticated technology! In fact one of their missions is to monitor when a meteor could possibly wipe out all of humanity. Can you give us a little more advanced warning than Armageddon and Deep Impact had please?

There were some alarming headlines floating around over the weekend about how NASA has revealed a sure sign that would indicate the apocalypse is coming. This heart-pounding warning traces back to a video released on Jan. 10 from educational YouTube channel Big Think.

The video poses the question "Would scientists tell us about a looming apocalypse?" to NASA astronomer Michelle Thaller.

NASA has a history of being forthright about its work. You can browse its online database of near-Earth objects and scout for close approaches.

NASA is also busy studying potentially hazardous asteroid Bennu through the Osiris-Rex mission. What we learn about Bennu will be helpful as scientists develop plans for protecting our planet from an asteroid impact.

There are plenty of real things to fret about in this world, but NASA hiding evidence of an incoming Earth-shattering asteroid isn't one of them.

Thankfully space travel has come a long way since the days of Wiley Coyote! And while we can breathe a sigh of relief currently, there’s some asteroids currently hovering toward earth which will prompt NASA to be able to test out its’ system for detecting asteroids that are hurdling toward our planet.

The asteroid, dubbed by NASA Asteroid 2019 AG3, made a so-called “Earth Close Approach” today. NASA’s scientists at the California-based Jet Propulsion Laboratory (JPL) have tracked the asteroid down to a 2.18am GMT (UTC) flyby. The startling revelation comes just one month after the rogue asteroid was first spotted by radars on December 12, 2018. NASA did not expect the space rock to hit the Earth anytime soon but the asteroid’s imposing size was a good enough reason to track it.

The JPL estimates Asteroid AG3 measures somewhere in the range of 210ft to 459.3ft (64m to 140m) in diameter.

An asteroid this big is about twice the wingspan of a Boeing 747 aeroplane.

Asteroids measuring 460ft (140m) across are considered “Potentially Hazardous Asteroids” (PHAs) if they approach the Earth close enough.

The largest known PHA is the gargantuan Apollo asteroid which is believed to measure roughly 4.3 miles in diameter (7km).

Thankfully our rockets are not made by Acme Corporation! NASA is also the home of a branch located in Pasadena, California – known as the Jet Propulsion Laboratory. And if you’ve seen the Matt Damon flick the Martian you know that JPL played a crucial role in developing emergency technology to help aid in his rescue. That and also the shit potatoes. But did you know they can also do cool shit like 3-D print space parts? Yeah kind of like in Avengers: Age Of Ultron!

Engineers at the NASA Jet Propulsion Laboratory (JPL) are set to contribute to the development of a hybrid 3D printing technology from the Advanced Manufacturing Research Centre (AMRC) in Sheffield, UK.

Known as THREAD, this method is capable of adding fibrous electrical, optical and structural elements, or “threads,” to the inside of plastic/polymer components.

It has been developed at the AMRC in collaboration with multinational aeronautical corporation Boeing and, according to creators, it is a “a potential game-changer” for 3D printing and the wider manufacturing industry.

The first details of Boeing and AMRC’s THREAD process surfaced in 2017 following a patent-filing by the method’s inventor Mark Cocking. At the time of this release, 3D Printing Industry interviewed Cocking who revealed that the technique is “not tied to a single AM process platform,” though initial patents relate to its addition to an SLA technique.

Of course now the harsh reality about how things are going. If the guy who we currently call president, Donald J. Trump, were in charge when the Martian takes place, Matt Damon’s Mark Whatney character would probably be left to die out in the harsh wilderness of Mars, because we currently have no government, and thus, no NASA. But at least we’ll have Space X and China to help privatize space exploration!

The local chapter of the American Federation of Government Employees, which is affiliated with the AFL-CIO, plans a rally calling for an end to the government shutdown.

The rally will happen on Tuesday at noon in front of the sign at NASA’s Johnson Space Center at 2101 NASA Parkway in southeast Houston.

Bautista is a NASA employee and the first vice president of AFGE Local 2284. He is one of about 2,800 NASA workers who have not been at work for more than three weeks.

He told KPRC 2, "I'm a young person with a lot of student debt. I left school with about $100,000 worth of student debt. So, for me, I'm able to cover a few paychecks. But beyond that, the bills will start stacking up."

Approximately 300 workers continue working, without a paycheck, in order to continue critical work, such as supporting the International Space Station. As a U.S. government employee, not even the American astronaut nearly 250 miles from Earth, living on board the space station, will receive a paycheck.

[font size="6"]Score Card [/font]

Overall importance: A
How Things Are Going: C-
Likely hood To Survive: C+

Overall: B-

[font size="6"]Next Week [/font]

Next week we’re going to be taking another look at a crucial cabinet position when we check out the department that handles our money, the Fed!

[font size="8"]And Now This:[/font]
[font size="8"]Rüfüs Dü Söl[/font]

Ladies and gentlemen, my next guest is a great band from Australia by way of Santa Monica. Their latest album is called “Solace” and you can see them at the Greek Theater in San Francisco on July 20th. Playing their song “No Place”, give it up for Rufus Du Sol!

Thank you Seattle! We had a blast! We are off to Vegas next live from Fremont St! See you next week!


Host: Initech
Top 10 Conservative Idiots Recorded In Front Of Live Audience At: Comedy Underground, Seattle, WA
Special Thanks To: Comedy Underground Management
Holy Shit Gospel Choir: Cavalry Chapel Choir, Redmond, WA
Images: All images copyright belongs to respective copyright holders.
Videos: All videos copyright belongs to respective copyright holders
Articles: All article content copyright belongs to respective copyright holders
Writing: Top 10 Writing Department
Graphics: Top 10 Graphics Department
Research: Top 10 Research Department
Lighting & Stage Props: Top 10 Lighting Department
Legal: Top 10 Legal Department
Advertising: Top 10 Advertising Department
HR: Top 10 Human Resources Department
Initech’s Wardrobe Provided By: JAB Inc.
Wheel Of Corruption By: Studio 1 Stage Props, Burbank, CA
Rufus Du Sol Appear Courtesy Of: Reprise Records
Management: Initech Productions, CCC Management
Follow The Top 10 On Twitter at: @10Idiots
Questions? Comments? Complaints? Hate mail? E-mail The Top 10 at: Top10ConIdiots@gmail.com

Initech Productions: Yes, We Got The Memo

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Reply Top 10 Conservative Idiots #6-2: House Of Carbs Edition (Original post)
Top 10 Idiots Jan 16 OP
shenmue Jan 16 #1
Top 10 Idiots Jan 16 #2
shenmue Jan 16 #3
malaise Jan 16 #4
Top 10 Idiots Jan 16 #5
malaise Jan 16 #6

Response to Top 10 Idiots (Original post)

Wed Jan 16, 2019, 05:10 PM

1. That picture of Trump and the food: are there actually salads in the frame?


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Response to shenmue (Reply #1)

Wed Jan 16, 2019, 05:26 PM

2. Hey it's a fast food salad, it's almost a salad!

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Response to Top 10 Idiots (Reply #2)

Wed Jan 16, 2019, 05:31 PM

3. Lol thanks

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Response to Top 10 Idiots (Original post)

Wed Jan 16, 2019, 05:34 PM

4. K & R

Good stuff

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Response to malaise (Reply #4)

Wed Jan 16, 2019, 05:46 PM

5. That fast food buffet was comedy gold!

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Response to Top 10 Idiots (Reply #5)

Wed Jan 16, 2019, 05:55 PM

6. I've never seen anything like it

My paternal granny would say now that was vulgar.

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