HomeLatest ThreadsGreatest ThreadsForums & GroupsMy SubscriptionsMy Posts
DU Home » Latest Threads » Forums & Groups » Main » General Discussion (Forum) » Top 10 Conservative Idiot...

Wed Nov 21, 2018, 07:14 PM

Top 10 Conservative Idiots Best Of #6: Thanksgiving Edition

Last edited Mon Feb 4, 2019, 08:09 PM - Edit history (2)

Top 10 Conservative Idiots Best Of #6: Thanksgiving Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! As you know by now this week is Thanksgiving, so naturally we’re off and going to be running another Best Of Edition. So while you’re enjoying Turkey Day and drinking large quantities of conservative tears in your cheaply imported coffee mugs, enjoy this best of the Top 10. For all the great stuff that we’ve been up to here and there’s things that slipped through the cracks. So for those of you who regularly follow the Top 10 through the year you know we’ve been touring a lot this year going to cities and meeting awesome liberals in all of these cities. As far as the tour goes, we’ve only got a few weeks left in the crazy year that is 2018 and we’ve still got to hit Arizona, Denver, and do a couple of home shows before going to our big London show on December 12th at the 99 Club in Leicester Square. That said, we recently announced a wave of 2019 tour dates and here’s where we are tentatively headed but things can be subject to change at any minute. So here is the schedule so far:

1/3/19 – Dark (Best Of) – New Year’s
1/9/19 – Portland, OR – McMenamin’s Bagdad Theater (Season Premiere)
1/16/19 – Seattle, WA - Comedy Underground (rescheduled from 9/5)
1/24/19 – Las Vegas, NV – Jokester’s Fremont St.
1/30/19 – Salt Lake City, UT – Wiseguys
2/6/19 – Anaheim, CA – Podfest LA @ Anaheim Convention Center
2/13/19 – Oxnard, CA – Levity Live (Valentine’s Day Special!)
2/20/19 - Ontario, CA - Ontario Improv
2/27/19 – Hollywood, CA – UCB Theater Franklin St
3/6/19 – Hollywood, CA – UCB Theater Franklin St(Stupidest State Contest – Selection Sunday)
3/13/19 - Hollywood, CA – UCB Theater Franklin St. (Stupidest State Round 1 Match 1)
3/20/19 – Atlanta, GA – Punchline Comedy Club (Stupidest State Round 1 Match 2)
3/27/19 – Tampa, FL – Tampa Improv (Stupidest State Round 1 Match 3)
4/3/19 – Washington, DC – DC Improv (Stupidest State Round 1 Match 4)
4/10/19 – New York City, NY – Grammercy Theater (Stupidest State Round 2 Match 1)
4/17/19 – Dark (Best Of - Spring Break / Easter)
4/24/19 – Denver, CO – Colorado Podcast Festival (Stupidest State Round 2 Match 2)
5/1/19 – San Diego, CA – American Comedy Co. (Stupidest State Round 2 Match 3)
5/8/19 – Missoula, MT – Big Sky Brewery (Stupidest State Round 2 Match 4)
5/15/19 – Long Beach, CA – Laugh Factory (Stupidest State Final Four)
5/22/19 – Hollywood, CA – UCB Theater Franklin St (Stupidest State Finals / Season Finale)

OK that’s enough of the intro, we have a lot of idiocy to get to. But first we have to play the Bill Maher new rule where he compares Trump to the Old Testament god:

So where do we begin for this best of edition? In the first slot, from Idiots #5-8, we take a look at the conspiracy theory known as Q-Anon since it has become a mainstream fixture at Trump rallies across the country, even though we all know it’s grade A bullshit. In the second slot, from Idiots #5-6, Dennis Rodman gets a rare +1 for his next visit to North Korea and he wants to bring none other than Trump’s BFF Kanye West, and we explore the possibilities of a Harold And Kumar style adventure. In the 3rd slot, from Idiots #5-19, we delve into the epically failed plot to take down Mueller by a fake intelligence agency spearheaded by Trump superfans Jacob Wohl and Jack Berman, and it has all the makings of a good Wes Anderson flick or a terrible Coen Bros one. In the fourth slot, from Idiots #5-12, Stormy Daniels has officially ruined the collective childhood of 90s kids everywhere. Yeah, take that what you will! At number 5, from Idiots #5-11, our weekly investigative piece Top 10 Investigates takes a look at a growing feud between Tesla founder Elon Musk and the heroic deep sea divers who rescued those kids from that cave in Thailand. And at number 6, in our weekly visit to the Holy Church Of The Top 10 in “Holy Shit”, from Idiots #5-14, our resident pastor is going to take a look at an insane new documentary from Liberty University called “The Trump Prophecy” starring crackpot Mark Taylor. Taking the 7th slot, from Idiots #5-13, it’s almost October, which prompts Explaining Jokes To Idiots takes a look at sexy Halloween costumes! Do we really need the sexy whatever? Find out! Taking the 8th slot, from Idiots #5-9, “This Fucking Guy” takes a look at dueling Christian conspiracy theorists Lance Wallnau and Rick Wiles. At number 9 (NEIN!!!) from Idiots #5-16 is “I Need A Drink” and we need a few drinks to tell you about Kanye West’s epic cyber security fail and how we’re not at all surprised that his passcode is 00000. Finally this week, from Idiots #5-10, Deep State Diaries is going to take a look at the government institution that everyone loves to hate, the Department Of Motor Vehicles, and we encourage you to do your best impression of Patty & Selma here. And we’re going to close with that time we had AWOLNATION on from Idiots #5-6. Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]Qanon
[br] [/font]

From Idiots #5-8

Hey everybody! It’s time for the WHEEL OF CORRUPTION! YAY!!!!!

Of course you know the rules by now – I spin the wheel and we have to talk about whatever it lands on. Of course if it lands on the guacamole option, you know that it costs $1.50 extra. So here’s what is on the wheel this week:

- Guns
- Abortion
- Crime
- Poverty
- Sex
- Chance
- 5,000
- Infowars
- Nazis
- Go Directly To Jail
- Buy A Vowel
- The Trumper Games
- Lawsuits
- Whammy
- Donald Trump
- People Are Dumb
- ‘Merica!
- How Is This Still A Thing?
- A Random Tweet
- 10,000
- Community Chest
- Talk Shows
- Clip Without Context
- Something Random In The News
- Fox News
- Top 10 Investigates
- Polls
- Chance
- Nukes
- Civility
- Intermission
- Deep State Diaries
- 15,000
- Bankrupt
- Morally Bankrupt
- Golf
- The GOP
- Butter Beer
- Community Chest
- Florida (Obviously)
- This Fucking Guy
- Beating A Dead Horse
- Holy Shit
- Guacamole ($1.50 Extra)
- Harry Potter
- T-Shirt Cannon
- ? (Mystery Item)
- I Need A Drink
- Lightning Round
- Bonus Spin

Let’s get this going! Spin that shit! Come on no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy stop! Clip without context!

Sure, go after the underground pedophiles, but what about the above ground ones, Mark? Like you know – those in your own party! If you’re going to get serious about this, get fucking serious! Spin it again! And it lands on… sex! So we got to talk about it, it’s the 800 pound gorilla in the room. It’s of course the conspiracy theory known as Qanon. We’ve brought up Q before but this week it finally came out of the conspiracy theory closet and hit the mainstream media big time.

QAnon is the latest high-profile and spectacularly dumb right-wing conspiracy theory. Here's everything you didn't want to have to know about it.

If you're lucky, before last week you had only ever heard of QAnon from some of Roseanne Barr's less racist tweets. Because it was possible to live your life completely unaware of the new, dumb conspiracy theory taking off online until it finally spilled over into the real world thanks to Donald Trump. Recently, people who buy into QAnon have been visibly showing up at Trump rallies and campaign events, wearing T-shirts and signs to show that they're in the know and they support a president who is supposed to be secretly fighting an international ring of billionaire pedophiles.

But if you're one of those lucky people who doesn't spend lurking on or reading about the seedier parts of the Internet, QAnon is likely a big mystery for you. None of us want to have to know about this thing. But since it's spilling into the real world now, here are some of the basics about this convoluted and elaborate conspiracy.

What exactly does "QAnon" mean?

The whole thing started on 4chan. An anonymous user going by "Q," a reference to the highest level of security clearance, began posting in October of last year. According to Q, who claims to be one or more people high in the Trump administration, all past presidents have been involved in shadowy criminal dealings centered mostly on an international pedophile ring and a global sex trade of child slaves. Featuring prominently in this are the usual boogeyman: Barack Obama, the Clintons, George Soros, the whole gang.

Is that not Pizzagate?

It sounds a lot like it, doesn't it? Think Pizzagate but bigger, more complicated, and dumber. In fact, this is a pretty boiled down explanation considering how complex and grandiose the whole conspiracy is.

And yes if you do believe in the Qanon conspiracy theory, I have a bag of magic beans to sell you for $9.99, what do they do? They’re magic! So here’s a good question – how did the republicans get to be the party of batshit crazy, off the wall conspiracy theories?

When people started showing up at recent Trump rallies waving signs with giant “Q”s on them and making references to QAnon, a conspiracy theory to end all conspiracy theories, members of the press, and no doubt many people at home, were puzzled. Aren’t things crazy enough already without this fresh new lunacy? The trouble is that this is neither the first nor the last absolutely bonkers conspiracy theory to infiltrate today’s GOP, getting both literally and figuratively within a few feet of the president of the United States. In fact, it would have been more surprising if the Republican Party wasn’t overrun with conspiracy theorists.

It’s hard to do justice to the intricate madness of what QAnon is about in a concise manner, but I’ll let Molly Roberts give it a shot:

The simplest description of the plot line goes something like this: President Trump isn’t under investigation; he is only pretending to be, as part of a countercoup to restore power to the people after more than a century of governmental control by a globalist cabal. Also, there are pedophiles.

A figure named “Q,” who supposedly possesses Q-level security clearance, disperses “crumbs” that “bakers” bring together to create a “dough” of synthesized information. (This is not how baking works, but that seems the least of our worries.) Because Q is the 17th letter in the alphabet and 17 is also a number Trump has said a few times, among other clearly-not-coincidences, he is the real deal, not an Internet troll engaged in an elaborate example of live-action role-play.

And you should always listen to Dave Grohl too, for he is wise in the ways of the world! But this might be my favorite story related to Qanon, and who better to explain a batshit crazy conspiracy theory than batshit crazy conspiracy theorists? I mean if you thought the previous people were too stupid to insult, I give you Liz Crokin:

Last weekend, right-wing “journalist” and fringe conspiracy theorist Liz Crokin did an interview with online psychic and YouTube host Jenny Moonstone in which she laid out her theory that John F. Kennedy Jr. faked his own death in 1999 and is now behind the QAnon account.

QAnon is an anonymous figure at the center of a right-wing conspiracy theory known as “The Storm” that alleges that high-ranking members of the Trump administration have been using the 8Chan forum board to drop hints revealing that Robert Muller’s special counsel investigation into Russian interference in the 2016 election is really cover for a secret operation to take down a global network of satanic pedophile cannibals. Proponents of this conspiracy theory have increasingly been making their presence known at Trump rallies.

In a video posted by Moonstone on Sunday, Crokin explained her theory that JFK Jr. has been running the QAnon account all along, insisting that any mockery she receives, or attacks she endures, for promoting her absurd ideas is proof that she is right.

Crokin asserted that when she first heard the theory of JFK Jr. being behind the QAnon account, “it immediately resonated with me, I got goosebumps everywhere. I’m a very intuitive person and usually when that happens, that’s confirmation that there is truth to it.”

“Q at one point said, ‘You’re not going to believe who you are talking to here,'” Crokin said. “When Q wrote that, I thought it’s going to be someone that’s so crazy that even people that are woke and know what’s going on are going to be like, ‘Oh my lord, this is insane’ … John F. Kennedy Jr., that would be shocking because we all think he’s dead.”

That is a good point sir! I mean really you can’t get much more stupid than that! And not only is it underground pedophiles, it’s also satanic pedophiles too. I mean not unlike Kevin Spacey. Hey o!!!!!!!!!!!!! And by the way, you might be asking yourself “Who Is Q?”. Well now we have a face – the pedo patrol has got right on the case! I give you… *drum roll* this guy!

With the appearance of numerous sign-waving supporters at a Trump rally last week, the world at large was introduced to a far-right conspiracy theory known as QAnon. Until recently, QAnon stuff remained in the dark corners of 4chan, 8chan, and Reddit, but as it continues to spill into mainstream news coverage, we’re forced to hear about all the dumb shit these people are actually doing. According to a new report from The Daily Beast, that dumb shit now includes lionizing some minor player from Vanderpump Rules as a “Hollywood whistleblower.”

For those who have managed to remain blissfully unaware, QAnon is a far-reaching, multi-faceted conspiracy that claims—among other things—that President Trump and Robert Mueller are actually working together to take down a massive pedophile ring run by Hollywood celebrities and major Democratic Party players. “Deep state” secrets are leaked to supporters courtesy of an anonymous message board user named “Q.” Relying on cryptic information from an anonymous source has primed QAnon followers to believe pretty much anything from anyone, including Vanderpump Rules actor Isaac Kappy, who appeared on Infowars recently to accuse Tom Hanks and Seth Green of being secret Illuminati pedophiles.

[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]Dennis Rodman
[br] [/font]
From Idiots #5-6

OK so you’re Dennis Rodman and you and everyone’s favorite, loveable mass murdering dictator Kim Jong Un are like this, and he finally gives you that +1 invite that you’ve been clamoring for, for many years now, who do you bring along? Well, Mr. Rodman has one person in particular that he’d like to bring along on his next diplomatic mission.

Earlier this month, Kanye West tweeted an image of a Chicago Bulls jersey signed by Dennis Rodman with the caption, “One of my biggest inspirations… always breaking barriers with independent thought.”

Now, in a new interview, Rodman thanked the rapper and said that he planned to invite West to North Korea, where the former NBA star has struck up an unlikely friendship with the hermit state’s dictator, Kim Jong-un. “Kanye, he’s doing amazing work around the world so I respect him too,” Rodman told Us Weekly. “So hopefully one day we’ll get together and collaborate on certain things. Guess what, I’ll take Kanye West to North Korea with me.”

Rodman continued, suggesting the rapper might be inspired to record an album by the experience. “Matter of fact, I’m going to invite him next time I go to North Korea. If the door’s open in September, I will invite Kanye West with me to go to North Korea with me… If he wants to make an album about that, he’ll be there for like six to seven days, and he’ll see what’s going on. Now, go make a song about this. So here you go.”

I'm not sure if I should be thrilled that Dennis and Kanye are having a bromance, or if I can't wait for the movie Dennis & Kanye Go To Pyongyang Palace? Thank you Kansas City! But there’s more to this three-way bromance and it doesn’t involve Kim Jong Un.

Kanye West and Dennis Rodman bonded over Chicago (the city – not West’s youngest daughter) and the ex-NBA star sent the rapper a pretty sweet gift afterward.

Rodman tells The Blast that he met Kanye at the March for Our Lives rally in DC a few months ago. The two stars took a pic together, and after the rally, The Worm said he wanted to send Yeezy a personalized and signed jersey, being that he was a big fan.

Rodman, of course, famously played for the Bulls during their heyday and, West was raised in Chi-town.

Rodman tells The Blast that he met Kanye at the March for Our Lives rally in DC a few months ago. The two stars took a pic together, and after the rally, The Worm said he wanted to send Yeezy a personalized and signed jersey, being that he was a big fan.

Rodman, of course, famously played for the Bulls during their heyday and, West was raised in Chi-town.
Dennis Rodman Kanye West

A source tells us that Rodman always respected West for being a “free spirit,” like himself, and remembered when the rapper dyed his hair blonde a few years back like Rodman did back in the mid 90’s.

Wait, whoa whoa whoa. Back up! Beep beep! Didn’t Kanye recently come out as a hardcore Trump supporter (see Top 10 #4-16 )a few months ago? What was he doing at the March For Our Lives? This is something that Trump supporters wouldn’t touch with a 10 foot pole. Come on, Kanye, if you’re going to be overtly political, at least be consistent with your beliefs! So Mr. Rodman’s politics haven’t exactly won him a lot of fans lately.

A number of jokes during the evening from the roasters involved Donald Trump, Harvey Weinstein and Kevin Spacey.

The ex-basketball star and reality TV personality struggled through most of his time on Saturday during the taping of the roast in Hollywood.

It got particularly tense when Rodman made a joke about the North Korean leader and his pal, Kim Jong-un.

Trying to give Willis a hard time about some of his movie choices, Rodman said, "You keep making these bomb movies like Kim, but at least he is smart enough not to release his."

That did not go over well and elicited boos.

Rodman struggled in general and apologized a number of times to the audience and guests onstage as he flubbed his lines.

No I’m pretty sure they’re booing you. But here’s the other weird thing – so Rodman wants to bring everyone’s favorite fun loving dictator to the US – to watch a Knicks game of all things!

Next up for Dennis Rodman — bringing Kim Jong Un and James Dolan together.

The NBA Hall of Famer tells the Daily News that if Kim visits the United States, he hopes to bring the North Korean dictator to see the Knicks and meet their leader.

“The first thing he wants to do is go to a Knicks game — he wants to go to Madison Square Garden,” according to Rodman.

Now the lead adviser of Business Development for anytickets.com, The Worm is in charge of coordinating VIP outings for the lifestyle brand. He’s confident he can make it happen.

“If you want to go to a Knicks game and meet Dolan, you can go meet him,” Rodman said of his plan to broker a summit.

[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]Surefire Intelligence
[br] [/font]
[br] ‘

From: [link: | Idiots #5-19]

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you know that there was a plot by two rabid Trump fans – Jacob Wohl and Jack Berkman – to take down Robert Mueller. And it involved using the “#MeToo” movement as a weapon. Well, it turned out to be quite the colossal fail. Which is a huge step up from the epic fail – and the more you dig into this story the weirder it gets. And I mean that’s an understatement. This story was MADE for the Top 10. Let’s dig into it.

Jacob Wohl’s introduction to Washington politics and reporting in the real world—as opposed to the Twitter universe—went sideways on Thursday during a press conference that Wohl attended with conspiracy theorist and lobbyist Jack Burkman.

The pair held their show in a Holiday Inn just across the Potomac River from Washington, D.C. The premise of this press conference was to “present a credible witness” who would accuse Robert Mueller of sexual assault. But any credibility Burkman and Wohl had hoped for was gone before they ever walked into the Rosslyn-area hotel in Arlington, Virginia.

They were scooped on their own story by the Atlantic when the outlet reported that Burkman was behind a scheme to pay women to falsify allegations against Mueller. We even knew the dollar amount that Burkman was offering— $20,000.

Wohl was implicated when it was revealed that he was behind the company, Surefire Intelligence, that had published the official-looking documents outlining the allegations. Surefire’s LinkedIn pages also featured photos of stock models. The profile for an employee in Tel Aviv used a photo of actor Christoph Waltz. The phone numbers listed on Surefire’s website were registered to Wohl’s mother’s name.

To which I’m sure that even Hans Landa right now is going WTF! So let’s break it down. It’s almost like a Wes Anderson movie. Yeah can we get some music? And I need a guy who kind of sounds like Alec Baldwin. So they’ve got quirky characters, a two tone color scheme, and a plot that went horribly, horribly wrong. 20 year old stock broker wunderkind Jacob Wohl – who got banned from the practice due to shady business dealings, ran an equally shady “intelligence firm” out of his mom’s basement and ran offices he didn’t have using employees he didn’t hire. Sounds legit. In the grand scheme of Trump fans I'm not sure who the bigger buffoon is - Jacob Wohl and Surefire Intelligence or Alex Jones?

No, it's definitely Alex Jones. At least it's a step up from yelling at a pile of poop! But really not that big of a step. But Wohl definitely stepped in some shit. What else could go wrong?

In the conference room of a Holiday Inn just outside Washington, D.C., Jacob Wohl and Jack Burkman, GOP operatives of a sort, gathered reporters for their unveiling of a spectacular and unsubstantiated claim: that Robert Mueller, the special prosecutor appointed to investigate possible links between the Trump administration and figures tied to the Russian Federation’s interference in the 2016 election, was a sexual predator (a claim that not even Trump lawyer Rudy Giuliani believes).

The claims, while flimsy at best, were used to allege a double-standard between their client and Christine Blasey Ford, who accused Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh of sexually assaulting her at a party when they were in high school, in order to prove that mainstream press is “doing the bidding” of Mueller.

Wohl is a 20-year-old disgraced former hedge fund manager who earned a lifetime ban on futures trading and has since turned himself into a Trump-supporting conspiracy theorist online. Wohl emerged from pro-Trump conspiracy circles online to join Burkman, a longtime conservative con-man with a show on Newsmax TV, to put forward claims to the press that Mueller “brutally raped” a woman in New York City in 2010. The claims were published by The Gateway Pundit, a right-wing clickbait website with a large online presence, where Wohl was cited as a contributor as recently as six days ago.

Mueller has referred the apparent smear scheme to the Federal Bureau of Investigation. When Wohl and Burkman were asked by someone who did not identify themselves at the back of the room whether they were ready to go to prison, the pair responded, “No.”

They gave a press conference with their fly down! Holy fucking god, even the best comedy writers in the world couldn’t make this stuff up! So for the movie I’m thinking that Taron Egerton would be great for Wohl, and maybe Jonah Hill for Berkman. Call me, casting directors! So how did they get caught? Well, it turns out that they used a picture of actor Christoph Waltz for one of their employees. It gets better and better!

One of the weirdest stories to come down the pike in some time involves right-wing conspiracy theorist and radio host Jack Burkman and 20-year-old hedge fund owner and Donald Trump supporter Jacob Wohl banding together to discredit special counsel Robert Mueller with allegations of sexual assault. Linking Burkman and Wohl to one another didn’t take too long — and, Surefire Intelligence, a “private intel agency that designs and executes bespoke solutions for businesses and individuals who face complex challenges,” had everything to do with that.

The whispers that allegations would enter the mainstream turned into shouts, as Burkman posted a video teasing a Thursday press conference where he would “reveal the first of Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s sex assault victims.” That press conference did take place today, but no accuser came forward.

So, what part does Surefire Intelligence play in all of this? On Oct. 30, the same day the rumors started swirling, Wohl said that “several media sources” told him the story would break.

Also on the same day, the accusations were published on the right-wing fringe site Gateway Pundit and it was revealed that this private investigation firm, Surefire Intelligence, was investigating claims of sexual assault. The Surefire Intelligence Twitter account, which was created in April 2018, also had something to say on social media in response to a “flurry of press inquiries.”

But in the weeks leading up to that, Surefire Intelligence was already on the radars of various media members, it’s been reported. It didn’t take long for media members to dig deeper and out Surefire Intelligence as Wohl’s operation, despite his initial denial of involvement.

“I don’t have any involvement in any investigations of any kind. I’m not quite that cool,” he said — even thought Burkman had already admitted Wohl’s involvement elsewhere.

Not only was it discovered that an email address with Wohl’s name on it (jacob.wohl@nexmanagement.com )was linked to the domain registration of Surefire Intelligence, profiles for purported employees of the firm were transparently fictitious. Managing partner “Matthew Cohen‘s” profile featured a picture that was quickly found to be a photo of Wohl.

Most comically, reverse image searches revealed that other profiles contained photos that were just edited images of famous people, Israeli supermodel Bar Refaeli and Hollywood star Christoph Waltz included.

Aric Toler wrote the most comprehensive story on how Surefire Intelligence was traced to Wohl.

You tell ‘em, Master Yoda! Really, if you’re setting up a sting operation, maybe don’t use your real name or e-mail address? I’m just speculating! But really this is just a colossal fail on every level. And in case you’re wondering just how shady Surefire Intelligence is, just take a look at what they did to this woman who was looking for her stolen truck.

Julienne Adams began to suspect something was awry with Surefire Intelligence when all of its phone numbers suddenly disconnected.

Adams, a 35-year-old Washington state native, had hired the private investigations firm to recover damages for a truck she says was stolen. She had found Surefire through postings on Craigslist, where it billed its impressive roster of former Israeli intelligence agents and other experts in financial and criminal investigations. Its website appeared to be legitimate, and Adams even found a pair of glowing writeups about the company on the publishing platform Medium. She eventually ponied up $1,200 for Surefire’s services.

Adams had spoken with the firm’s ostensible managing partner, Matthew Cohen, last Friday, and he was optimistic about recovering tens of thousands of dollars from the man whom Adams accused of stealing her Hummer. They were scheduled for an in-person meeting in Portland, Oregon, near her home in southern Washington, on Tuesday.

Then the whole thing blew up. Cohen, it turns out, doesn’t actually exist. His real name is Jacob Wohl, and he’s a pro-Trump twitter troll and former teenage hedge fund manager with the dubious distinction of being the youngest person ever to earn a lifetime trading ban from the National Futures Association.


[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]Donald Trump
[br] [/font]

From: Idiots #5-12

So yeah if you woke up yesterday and turned on your phone and saw Twitter, you might have seen Mario Kart trending. You remember the game if you’re a 90s kid like I am. It’s the game where your goal was to drive as fast as possible to lap your opponent and if you didn’t, just even screwing around on the game was fun. In fact here’s a scene of the game being played.

Now here’s where it gets disturbing. It of course involves Stormy Daniels and Trump, because, why wouldn’t it? And Stormy makes a particularly disturbing revelation that makes us never want to play Mario Kart ever again.

Millions of Nintendo fans on Twitter were horrified earlier today when they learned precisely why Mario Kart was trending on the popular social media platform, and that it had nothing to do with a new edition of the popular racing video game series.

It all began with an appearance by adult film actress Stormy Daniels on The View to promote her upcoming tell-all book Full Disclosure. Daniels became a national name following a federal investigation into claims that she had an affair with President Donald Trump, and that his lawyer, Michael Cohen, had violated campaign finance laws by paying Daniels $130,000 in hush money in order to keep the story quiet leading up the 2016 election. Trump initially denied advance knowledge of Cohen's payment to Daniels - although a conversation recorded without his consent by Cohen would later prove otherwise - and says the affair didn't happen. Daniels contends that the affair did happen, and is currently suing Trump for defamation of character after he called her a liar.

Huffington Post reported on Daniels' interview, and the resulting turmoil online after she compared a portion of President Trump's anatomy to “the mushroom character in Mario Kart.” The site also re-posted the colorful responses of many other Twitter users, and their horrified reactions after they discovered why Toad and Mario Kart were trending topics. Making this all the more darkly comedic was the amusing response from Nintendo Life's Twitter account, which can be viewed below.

Yes, no indeed! But come on, Nintendo’s lovable mascot doesn’t deserve this! I mean what did Toad do to deserve that comparison? All he does is travel the Mushroom Kingdom and give you things. Come on, Stormy. Seriously, don’t mess with the Toad Brigade!

However, if you already have an inkling of why Toad is suddenly trending and you need a little more context, well, we’re sorry, but we’re here for you.

This story begins with the Guardian publishing excerpts from porn actress and director Stormy Daniels’s forthcoming tell-all book, Full Disclosure, about her alleged past affair with Donald Trump. The book apparently contains a graphic description of a sexual encounter with Trump, including a detailed description of the president’s penis.

I’m about to quote it. You’ve been warned.

“It has a huge mushroom head. Like a toadstool,” Daniels writes. “I lay there, annoyed that I was getting fucked by a guy with Yeti pubes and a dick like the mushroom character in Mario Kart.”

Though the book also contains mentions of Daniels’s impression that Trump never wanted to be president, and of her $130,000 hush agreement, it’s the description of Trump’s genitalia that has dominated the discussion around the excerpts.

For those of you who have never touched a Nintendo console in your life, Toad is indeed a little mushroom man, whose mushroom cap (ugh) was confirmed to be part of his head and not just a hat by Super Mario Odyssey producer Yoshiaki Koizumi earlier this year.

And while he’s a bit gormless, Toad doesn’t deserve to be a part of this discourse: He is a perfectly fine playable character in Mario Kart, he runs Mario Party, and he generally tries to help out in every other Mario franchise game, going all the way back to 1985’s Super Mario Bros.

Thanks Stormy, while we’re all rooting for you to take down this horrible regime currently occupying the White House, you forever ruined one of our favorite video games. I can’t even think about Mario now without picturing Toad looking like a penis. And I was playing Mario Odyssey last night. So if you’re playing Mario Kart, who should you pick now that Toad has been ruined forever?

Tuesday began like any other in the Mushroom Kingdom: With Princess Peach presiding over her loyal subjects, and a collection of troublemakers wreaking havoc. But for once, it's not Bowser drawing up the negative headlines that usually accompany his hijinks in the Mario universe, because the formerly innocent Toad was compared to the the President of the United States' dick by Stormy Daniels.

This stunning revelation has been devastating for Toad fans, including our very own Kevin Nguyen:

Toad has long been an ideal selection in Mario Kart, since he's both adorable and speedy as hell. Do not despair, though. We've compiled a brief collection of suitable replacement characters to choose from if the phallic imagery Toad now inspires has you questioning your Mario Kart-playing experience/entire childhood. (To be clear, this isn't a boycott of Toad. It's an exercise in self care.)

Princess Peach

She's one of the few characters who's appeared in every iteration of Mario Kart, and many of the other mainstays either don't have similar driver characteristics to Toad, or have disqualifying mustaches. Her Mario Kart Wiki page notes that her "performance is notably on par with Toad." That's more than enough empirical evidence from a trusted source to make the switch. Another worthy reason: In Super Smash Bros, Peach has long been using Toad as a shield/attack counter, so clearly she realized a while ago that he's expendable. That foresight deserves to be rewarded.

Yeah next time you play Mario Kart, choose Princess Peach before someone else does! After all, she floats in the air! Assuming that giant hoop skirt doesn’t get in the way! But really this is one of those things that’s better left where we don’t want to know why it’s trending. Excuse me, I need to go take a cold shower after reading this.

In a tell-all memoir, the pornographic actor Stormy Daniels details salacious descriptions of her time with Donald Trump, wonders if he is fit to be president and claims that he offered to cheat for her in his reality TV show.

A copy of the book, Full Disclosure, was obtained by the Guardian. In it, Daniels describes her mounting disbelief as Trump began to win primary contests in 2016 for the Republican presidential nomination. Former castmates whom she had not heard from in years, but who had heard her story about sleeping with Trump in 2006, would call her up to marvel at the news.

“It will never happen, I would say,” Daniels writes. “He doesn’t even want to be president.”

But as Trump kept winning, she writes, she began to think she might be in danger. The story she had to tell about Trump seemed more sensitive the more he won. And she had already been threatened once, years earlier, and warned never to tell the story about Trump, she has claimed.

[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]Top 10 Investigates: Elon Musk Vs Cave Rescuers
[br] [/font]

From: Idiots #5-11

San Jose it’s time to investigate beyond the headlines. This is Top 10 Investigates!

In 2018 we have had a lot of crazy incidents but none was more horrifying than when a group of children and adults were trapped in a cave in Thailand. While the group was rescued without incident, it drew people from all over the world who offered to help. Everyone from the US Marine Corps to the Tesla Motor Corporation offered to help rescue the trapped. Unfortunately it’s the latter that is still causing problems over why his solution wasn’t the chosen one, even though it could have spelled a potential disaster:

The British caver who masterminded the rescue of 12 boys trapped in Thailand is to take legal action over Elon Musk’s latest slur that he is a “child rapist”.

Vernon Unsworth told The Times the billionaire’s allegations he had a child bride and had moved to an area notorious for child sex trafficking were “100 per cent” untrue and “very hurtful”.

The financial broker from St Albans, Hertfordshire, is preparing to start legal action imminently against the tycoon.

He is considering using the courts in Thailand, which could lead to Mr Musk receiving a jail sentence. Libel can be a criminal offence in the country and can result in a lengthy prison term.

Mr Unsworth is also considering defamation proceedings in London and the United…

Yes this is 2018 here, Elon, this is when things like Pizzagate and Qanon have hit the spotlight and got child rape and pedophilia in the news. By calling this man a pedophile, you are downplaying the horrible nature of these crimes. But he won’t shut up about this and in fact is doubling down:

Elon Musk has escalated his baseless attacks against a British diver, claiming without evidence that the man who helped rescue children from a cave in Thailand was a “child rapist” in an email to a reporter.

The embattled Tesla CEO faced widespread backlash in July when he first called the diver Vernon Unsworth a “pedo” in a tweet – an unfounded claim against a man who was part of the international team that freed 12 young footballers and their coach from the Tham Luang cave complex. Musk, who had unsuccessfully attempted to assist the rescue mission, eventually apologized to Unsworth.

On Tuesday, however, BuzzFeed published two new emails from Musk, in which he called a journalist who has written about the dispute a “fucking asshole” and he launched new extraordinary claims against Unsworth, without providing documentation to support the allegations.

Musk called Unsworth a “single white guy from England who’s been traveling to or living in Thailand for 30 to 40 years”, alleging that he had moved to Chiang Rai “for a child bride who was about 12 years old at the time”. He asserted that the city was “renowned for child sex-trafficking”.

Yes, this whole story is a giant pile of suck. Does Elon *WANT* to get sued? And in case you are wondering what Elon Musk is smoking, well, he must be either smoking some really good shit, or some really horrible shit.

Tesla shares fell more than 6 percent on Friday, after top executives resigned and CEO Elon Musk appeared to smoke pot in a video.

It wouldn't be the first time that investors were rattled by Musk's unconventional ways, sending stocks haywire.

Musk, 47, appeared on The Joe Rogan Experience on Thursday night. Over 2 1/2 hours, Musk discussed technology, unsheathed a sword and accepted what Rogan, a stand-up comedian, described as marijuana inside of tobacco.

"You probably can't because of stockholders, right?" Rogan said.

"I mean it's legal, right?" Musk said before smoking the joint. They were sitting inside a studio in California, where medical and recreational marijuana use is indeed legal.

Apparently, he did want to get high, and he got high on the Joe Rogan show. Which means he must have been smoking something when he launched those attacks against Mr. Unsworth. By the way he must have been violating his own company’s code of ethics, right?

Elon Musk may have violated his company’s code of business conduct and ethics after he was captured smoking marijuana with podcast extraordinary Joe Rogan on Thursday, a report stated.

CNBC reported the Tesla CEO's public puffing could hurt his professional career.

"Tesla also asks that you do your part by following safety and health rules and practices and reporting (either openly or confidentially) accidents or any unsafe equipment, behavior (such as use of illegal drugs) or conditions to your manager, supervisor, Human Resources or the Legal Department," the company's code of business conduct and ethics states. "Violence and threatening behavior are not permitted, and under no circumstances should you bring a weapon to work. Employees should report to work without being under the influence of illegal drugs or alcohol. The use of illegal drugs in the workplace will not be tolerated."

In California, where the podcast was filmed, recreational marijuana use is legal. However, recreational use across the U.S. is illegal. CNBC pointed out people could argue Musk was "under the influence" while at work because he was representing the company in the interview.

So Elon might want to calm down after this latest string of incidents because not only is he costing Tesla money, he could forever jeopardize the future of Space X, and eventually any further space exploration:

News of Elon Musk’s infamous drag from a joint containing tobacco and marijuana has made it all the way to the Air Force.

The incident, which occurred during a live broadcast of a podcast recording with the comedian Joe Rogan, has already caused Tesla stocks to plummet in the latest in a spate of recent events that have raised questions about Musk’s health and his ability to lead his multiple companies. But Musk’s latest escapade could have effects beyond the bottom line.

SpaceX, another Musk project, has access to privileged information—such as where U.S. government satellites are—in its capacity as a federal contractor, and the Air Force is now faced with the question of what to do about Musk’s public smoking of marijuana, which is legal in California but not federally—and particularly not for people in the military or who have security clearance. Initial reports indicated the Air Force had opened an investigation into Musk, but an Air Force official later told The Verge that the military still wasn’t sure how to handle the situation.

There you have it, it’s almost as if Mr. Musk wants to get sued for his insane antics. This has been it for Top 10 Investigates. Good day.

[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]Holy Shit
[br] [/font]

From: Idiots #5-14

Gather around, my fair brothers and sisters, it’s time to take a seat in the pew and pass the collection plate! For the Holy Church of the Top 10 has convened and it’s our weekly duty to remind you why the holiest among us are also the most full of:

My friends, my fair congregation! Remember in that movie “The Dark Knight” when Batman only had one rule and that he would never break it for anybody? Well tonight I am actually going to break my one rule. And that rule is that I never mention the unholy, ungodly Dark One by name in my church! But when there’s a movie being made about unforeseen prophecies surrounding the Dark One, as told by a crackpot, I feel that I must break character!

Early one morning in 2011, retired Florida firefighter Mark Taylor was wrestling with another bout of insomnia. After years working at Orlando’s busy Station 2, Taylor struggled with depression, suicidal thoughts and symptoms of PTSD.

Taylor says he also was being visited by demons, angels, even God. And on that sleepless morning, God gave him a surprising prophecy: “The Spirit of God says I’ve chosen this man Donald Trump for such a time as this.”

“The Trump Prophecy,” a movie showing here and in 1,200 theaters nationwide Tuesday and Thursday, claims God’s intervention decided the 2016 election, not Hillary hatred, white anger, Russian interference or low voter turnout.

Producer Rick Eldridge says his movie has a clear purpose: “Our end goal is to get people in theaters and see a film that will reignite patriotism and call people to pray for our country and leadership.”

No, Rick, your end goal is to preach to the choir of supporters of the unholy dark one that their batshit crazy theories are justified! And that Dark One’s name? Donald J. Trump. There, I said it! And you know this movie is a direct violation of IRS tax exempt rules. And also apparently it violates Facebook advertising policies!

Fireman Mark Taylor correctly predicted the presidency of Donald Trump, but “The Trump Prophecy” filmmakers didn’t foresee having their advertisements pulled from Facebook.

The film, scheduled for a fall theatrical release, is about Taylor’s life and 2011 prediction that Trump would ascend to the White House. A joint effort of the Liberty University School of Cinematic Arts and filmmaker Rick Eldridge, The Trump Prophecy was shot in the Lynchburg area with much of the cast and crew comprised of LU students. It now is in post-production.

The Trump Prophecy, previously known by its working title “Commander,” is scheduled for release on Oct. 2 and 4. Nearly 60 LU cinematic arts students were involved in the production.

In all, he claimed Facebook disapproved “approximately 40 different ads” for the film.

The issue dates back to at least June 14 when it was first noted by the film’s Facebook page.

“It seems that Facebook has now began censoring our page. For a movie??? Because the word TRUMP, Facebook has decided to disapprove any ads that we are placing and capping our exposure. Do they feel threatened in some way?” reads the post on The Trump Prophecy page, which Eldridge and the Reelworks Studios advertising team manage.

Because nothing is worse than a bunch of falsehood nonsense told by a crackpot is there? And you guys are mad when you violated Facebook’s rules are you? Well, you have nobody to blame but yourself, for the good LAWRD sayeth “man must not blame others for his own musings.” Yes it says so in my good book here. So was this election GAWD’s plan? Or was it not???

Mark Taylor is sure he knows why Donald Trump became president.

Forget Hillary hatred, white anger, Russian interference or voter turnout. Trump’s victory was God’s will, said Taylor. Taylor said he knows this because God told him so.

In 2011, while watching an interview with Trump on TV, Taylor says he heard a voice saying, “The Spirit of God says I’ve chosen this man, Donald Trump, for such a time as this.”

And the Almighty is just getting started, said Taylor, a former firefighter who has published 23 “prophetic words,” many about Trump’s presidency.

The presidential prediction is detailed in “The Trump Prophecy,” a new film produced with the help of faculty and students at Liberty University — some of whom later rejected its message — that will be shown in some 1,200 theaters on Oct. 2 and 4.

Now I do love that one! So is GAWD just getting started? Or do we need to remind you of the kind of crackpot that Mark Taylor is? And yes, he is a crackpot ladies and gentlemen of my fair congregation, because this is the kind of nonsense you can expect from Mr. Taylor!

Mark Taylor, the so-called “firefighter prophet” and radical conspiracy theorist who is the subject of a new movie premiering this week, appeared on Chris McDonald’s “The Mc Files” program on Friday, where he again asserted that opposition to Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh is all about trying to prevent President Trump from establishing military tribunals in order to prosecute and execute Democratic leaders like Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton.

“This has everything to do with military tribunals, them being charged with treason, and them going to prison for the rest of their lives and some being executed,” he said.

Taylor claimed that God recently delivered a huge “prophetic sign” of this plan when a horse named after Obama had to be euthanized at the World Equestrian Games in North Carolina last month.

“God’s been speaking a lot to me through racehorses,” he said. “The racehorse named Barack Obama was euthanized. That is probably the biggest prophetic sign that you could have of God saying this man is going to go down. Period. That’s the bottom line. You can get mad at me all you want to, but God’s the messenger here, he is the one sending the message. People don’t think that this stuff is real or it’s going to happen. It’s going to happen.”

“This is real,” Taylor insisted. “Justice is not coming, it’s here, period, and it is taking place on the earth. This whole thing with Kavanaugh is trying to stop the military tribunals … This is all about rounding these people up, charging them with treason, and they know that, basically, their head is going to be in a noose, literally.”

Really? This bullshit is still a thing? That’s why you are going to get your asses handed to you in November, and yes, I realized I just violated the IRS rules there! But then again, so did Liberty University, and they should pay dearly for this! But then again, Mark also claims that GAWD confirmed his SCOTUS prophecy with a train horn. Can you spell “crackpot”?

Mark Taylor, the so-called “firefighter prophet” and radical conspiracy theorist about whom Liberty University is making a movie, appeared on SkyWatch TV yesterday, where he explained how God used a train whistle to confirm that He was going to use President Trump to reshape the Supreme Court.

After Taylor recounted his claims that God told him that Trump will get to replace a total of five Supreme Court justices after one dies, one retires, and three are removed from the Court due to scandal, he explained how God confirmed this prophecy to him during the funeral service for the late Antonin Scalia.

“If you go back to Antonin Scalia’s funeral, when they were carrying his body up the steps” Taylor said, “there were two signs that were given by God that [the confirmation of Merrick Garland] was not going to happen. We had about an eight month window there where they could have put another justice in and the entire country was in a full-blown panic at that point and that’s when I came out with the prophecy that the Lord said, ‘No, it will not happen, this is being reserved for Donald Trump.'”

“The two signs that were given,” he continued, “there was a reverence there, it was very quiet and there was a siren in the background at the bottom of the steps. Well, when they got to the top of the steps, the siren fades away and all of a sudden you hear this enormous train horn and what the Lord was saying was, ‘Don’t fear America, help is on the way—the siren—this is being reserved for my anointed, Trump—from the Trump train.”

Yes, Mark, even JAYSUS thinks you’re doing it wrong!! For your crackpot theories about the Dark One are just that – crackpot theories! There you go, mass has ended, may you go in peace! That’s it this week for:

[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]Explaining Jokes To Idiots: Sexy Handmaid’s Tale
[br] [/font]

From: Idiots #5-13

Let’s spin it to win it shall we? And It lands on… wait for it… Clip without context!

Damn that freedom! Damn your so called constitution with their laws and checks and balances. Damn it to hell, I say! Spin it again! And it’s time for Explaining Jokes To Idiots!

Yes it’s the segment where we in the comedy profession have to explain jokes to idiots that they missed, because they’re idiots. Case in point: Halloween is a time for humor and practical jokes. And of course for hot women to make any Halloween costume look hot. Yes it’s the time of year when we take a look at Halloween costumes, mainly women’s, and we ask ourselves “is it really necessary to have the sexy (insert costume here)?”. The answer always is yes, but this year one costume in particular seems to be drawing the ire of the PC police.

It turns out maybe oppression isn’t sexy after all.

Online retailer Yandy listed a "Brave Red Maiden" Halloween costume for nearly $65, referencing the garb women forced into surrogacy wear in Hulu's series "The Handmaid's Tale." The provocative rendition includes a red cape, mini dress and white bonnet.

"An upsetting dystopian future has emerged where women no longer have a say," the description reads. "However, we say be bold and speak your mind in this exclusive Brave Red Maiden costume."

The Halloween costume instantly sparked outraged across social media.

One Twitter user shared a screenshot of the costume and asked "why," sarcastically adding "nothing like a sexy rape victim for Halloween fun."

So here’s the thing – does this encapsulate the Handmaids’ Tale or does it miss the point of the series entirely? Everyone knows that the key to comedy is timing, and this was extremely well timed with everyone making references to the novel and series during the SCOTUS debates. But this is proof that you can make anything sexy! Like the New York Times anonymous op ed!

Lingerie company Yandy is selling a "Sexy Op-Ed Anonymous Costume," referencing the explosive New York Times column written by an unknown Trump administration staffer.

The $49.95 costume features disguise glasses with an attached nose and mustache, and a bodycon mini-dress with newspaper designs and a big red question mark.

The costume was discovered after Yandy removed a "Sexy Handmaid's Tale" look from the site.

The lingerie company that was criticized for selling a "Sexy Handmaid's Tale" costume is now offering a "Sexy Op-Ed Anonymous Costume," referring to the explosive New York Times column written by an unknown Trump administration staffer.

The costume, which Yandy is selling for $49.95, features disguise glasses with an attached nose and mustache, and a bodycon mini-dress with newspaper patterns and a big red question mark.

OK maybe you can’t make that sexy. But come on it’s not like we’re living in Saudi Arabia, where the sexiest thing they can show is bare toenails, and I’m sure there’s a fetish website for that. Hey, I know what time I live in! Let sexy costumes be sexy costumes! I would like to think we’re all adults here but then again I’m reminded of who our president is. Thank you audience! And this is also not the first extremely poor taste Halloween costume that Yandy has put out.

The costume company recently called out for its “sexy” Handmaid’s Tale costume is under fire once again.

Lingerie brand Yandy, which also sells Halloween costumes, has 43 outfits categorized on its website under “sexy Native American” and “sexy Indian” costumes. People on Twitter urged the brand this week to stop selling the costumes, calling them “disgusting,” “racist,” and “highly offensive.”

These calls came less than a week after Yandy announced that it was pulling the “sexy” Handmaid’s Tale costume — complete with the infamous red cape and white bonnet — from its site following similar backlash online. The company said in a statement that its “corporate ideology is rooted in female empowerment, and gender empowerment overall.”

Twitter users were quick to point out that Yandy removed a costume depicting fictional characters while continuing to sell “cultural” costumes that have been repeatedly criticized. Yandy has not publicly responded to the #CancelYandy hashtag, and the lingerie brand did not immediately respond to Yahoo’s request for comment. As of Monday morning, the costumes were still for sale online.

Sure you do Herbert. See, Yandy isn’t out to care about whatever cause you have, even though their executives have admitted that yes, some of their costumes are in extremely poor taste. They’re just like any corporation out to make the most profit they can doing what they do best. But that’s the whole point of Halloween! And the more horrible taste you have, the more likely you are to win that $500 costume contest! Which is why I’m inviting Yandy to sponsor my big Halloween costume bash in Nashville on October 31st at Zanies’. Tickets still available and dress up is encouraged! So come on, Yandy! My contact information is at the very end of this thing! You know that you want to! Thank you audience, I’ll take that! And besides if you really want to scare someone this year, I’ve got the perfect costume for you!

Breaking up can be messy. In the age of technology, some people choose to deal with it by "ghosting," the act of suddenly stopping communication and disappearing into a silent, unresponsive netherworld. That questionable behavior has now been immortalized in a Halloween costume.

The Womens Ghosted Costume is available through retailer Party City in the US. It's a white hooded polyester dress with a jagged hemline meant to evoke the look of a retro bed-sheet ghost outfit. The front is emblazoned with message bubbles of unanswered texts, including "???" and "R U OK!?"

"Eager texters will know not to bother you in this Ghosted Costume," the description reads.

There are at least a couple of weird things about this costume, even when you look past the debatable "sexy" Halloween trend. For starters, it's only geared toward women, which leaves us to wonder why men are being left out. Ghosting can go both ways.

[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]This Fucking Guy: Lance Wallnau & Rick Wiles
[br] [/font]

From: Idiots #5-9

It’s time for:

So ultra far right insane propaganda and conspiracy theories have been creeping up and popping up in literally every aspect of our lives now. That’s just the culture we live in. But there’s not one but two guys who are smoking the bad Covfefe 24 hours a day. I’ll start with this fucking guy – Lance Wallnau. And this fucking guy is certifiably batshit crazy, he cooks up more insane right wing theories than Alex Jones ever would or could! Like here’s a perfect example:
Right-wing preacher Lance Wallnau streamed a video on Periscope last night in which he asserted that millions of Americans are too afraid to admit that they support President Trump, which he likened directly to the Jews in the Bible who “all knew” that Jesus Christ was the Messiah and were too afraid to admit it.

“I’m just fed up with the fact that believers have to operate like the Jewish people did,” he said. “They all knew Jesus was the Messiah but nobody actually identified with him for fear of being put out of the synagogue. I mean, Donald Trump is that for me; you’ve got 50 million people that voted for him and you wouldn’t know where they are.”

Wallnau lamented that too many people are afraid of upsetting the “moronic elites who are progressively antagonistic to Donald Trump” to admit that they support the president, but predicted that millions of these voters will turn out in the midterms to support Republicans, resulting in “the first election where the 30 or so seats that are supposed to be lost don’t get lost.”

“In Hollywood and in the entertainment circles, conservatives and Christians cannot openly acknowledge their values and beliefs for fear of being put out of the synagogue,” Wallnau said. “How is this not like Israel at the time when Jesus was here? It’s exactly like that.”

There you have it – he literally just compared Trump supporters to Jews in the holocaust. And hey when racist shitbags start getting executed in the streets, then you can have a reason to complain. Until then, shut the fuck up! Thank you Detroit! Lance is so off the wall batshit crazy that he actually thought that Unite The Right II – the neo Nazi rally in DC last week – was a false flag!

Right-wing preacher Lance Wallnau posted a video on his Facebook page on Saturday, warning that the planned Unite The Right 2 rally in Washington, D.C., was really a left-wing front operation designed to demonize conservatives because “you can’t find white supremacists” in America today.

“These are paid actors,” Wallnau said. “The gift that the left wants is white supremacists and to link it with conservatives because there are no conservative white supremacists. That’s all a fiction.”

“If you really want to take down Donald Trump, to destroy what God’s doing in America, keep dividing people with hate, divide them with race, try to get Trump painted as a racist when he’s not,” Wallnau added, “they’re gonna come back at him with racism.”

Wallnau insisted that Jason Kessler, the organizer of the Unite The Right rallies, is really “a socialist/Marxist tool of the Obama administration to organize opposition” to Trump.

Really? The Nazis were paid actors? So who’s paying them? Oh wait, don’t tell me! It was that dirty George Soros! I hear he has deep pockets. And his insurance benefits are pretty good too. As if fucking with people like Lance Wallnau wasn’t enough, there’s this fucking guy, Rick Wiles. Maybe Lance and Rick can cohost a show together – Batshit Crazy and Batshit Crazier! Oh wait, he doesn’t like conspiracy theorists. Except when he is one.

Rick Wiles is an End Times broadcaster and a truly unhinged right-wing conspiracy theorist who believes, among other things, that the Las Vegas massacre was carried out a top secret death squad that answers to the secret “a gay/lesbian Nazi regime” that controls America.

One would think that someone holding such views would be a fan of another equally unhinged right-wing conspiracy theorist Alex Jones, but apparently that is not the case, as Wiles used his “TruNews” television program on Tuesday to insist that “every Christian should disavow Alex Jones” because he is “mentally unstable” and/or demon-possessed.

Wiles was alarmed by a video of Jones going off on a snarling rant against CNN’s Brian Stelter earlier this year and warned that Jones is either demon-possessed or else a deep state “plant” designed to give the government justification to strip conservatives of their First and Second Amendment rights by making them all look insane.

“You need to be shocked by what this guy is saying and doing,” Wiles said. “Every Christian should disavow Alex Jones. You should disavow him until he repents and, quite frankly, until he is delivered.”

Yeah probably. So Rick Wiles is a conspiracy theorist who doesn’t like conspiracy theorists. Is that the 2018 version of Dadaism? Just crazy against crazy? But apparently it’s all a big lie according to Rick. It’s all the deeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep state folks!

To say that End Times broadcaster Rick Wiles is a right-wing conspiracy theorist would be a massive understatement, considering that he believes, among other things, that:

Rachel Maddow recently delivered a secret signal to leftist activists to storm the White House and decapitate President Trump and his family;
Liberal activists will begin killing Republicans before the midterm elections in preparation for civil war;
The government is creating soulless super soldiers and flesh-eating robots;
The Las Vegas massacre was carried out by a gay/lesbian Nazi regime;
A secret government goon squad is beating up politicians, murdered the late Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia, and is carrying out mass shootings in order to justify implementing gun control.

Wiles also repeatedly asserted that Barack Obama was literally a demon (and likely the Antichrist) who intended to seize the homes of conservatives and give them to immigrants, intentionally unleash the Ebola virus on the nation in order to round up conservatives, and would permanently seize power in 2016.

There you have it, that’s Lance Wallnau and Rick Wiles. This week’s:

[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]I Need A Drink
[br] [/font]

From: Idiots #5-16

Hey Boston, I’m in one of the biggest drinking cities in America, I really need a drink!

So of course you know the idea behind this segment is that we have a few drinks and talk about anything in the news as long as it doesn’t relate to politics. But this week we’re actually going to break our rule and talk about something in politics. While I generally don’t mix booze and politics I do mix booze and fails. So tell me bartender, what goes well with a story about Kanye? Really? There’s a beer called “Stable Genius”? Why didn’t I think of that? Ah I’ll just have my usual Jack Daniels mixed with Jack Daniels. So I’m sure by now you heard that Kanye West was meeting with Trump last week and somebody may have discovered that his passcode is 000000. Even Saturday Night Live made fun of it:

Excuse me a minute… Yeah that happened. So there’s of course more to this story than you might think:

Kanye West may need a new iPhone password. The outspoken musician accidentally revealed his password when unlocking his iPhone X on video during a meeting with President Trump, shown to be the incredibly weak combination of 000000.

West revealed the password as part of a stream of consciousness speech to the president, which saw him break off on a tangent to show off a GIF of what West referred to as “the iPlane 1,” a hydrogen-powered concept aircraft that he felt “our President should be flying in.” (Trump: “Can we get rid of Air Force One? No?”)

Despite using an iPhone X or XS — which both support Face ID, therefore negating the need for a typed-in password — West chose to unlock his phone manually. (Whether Face ID failed, was disabled, or is simply not fast enough for West is unclear.) Apple doesn’t recommend that users set such a simple password on its iOS devices. If you attempt to change your password to something like 000000 or 123456, a notification will pop up, suggesting that the combination can be easily guessed and recommending that you choose something else.

Despite using an iPhone X or XS — which both support Face ID, therefore negating the need for a typed-in password — West chose to unlock his phone manually. (Whether Face ID failed, was disabled, or is simply not fast enough for West is unclear.) Apple doesn’t recommend that users set such a simple password on its iOS devices. If you attempt to change your password to something like 000000 or 123456, a notification will pop up, suggesting that the combination can be easily guessed and recommending that you choose something else.

Come on, Kanye! You’ve got an iPhone X! You can unlock the phone with your face, and the fact that Kanye doesn’t do that already to me is beyond baffling. You know that Kim somewhere has her phone setup to unlock by selfie. Of course it’s a bad idea to use 000000. You might as well have a sign on your back that says “hack me”!

It’s still not exactly clear why Kanye West is so enamored with the science denying, race-baiting commander-in-chief. But fortunately, it’s only a matter of time before the truth gets out thanks to some noble iPhone hacker: My dude’s lock-screen password is literally 000000.

We know this because the Chicago rapper visited the Oval Office on Thursday to discuss topics ranging from prison reform to job opportunities for ex-cons. At one point in the meeting, Kanye wanted to show the president something on his phone, and proceeded to unlock it on live television. In short order, the whole world had an opportunity to grasp just how much Ye’s commitment to cybersecurity leaves to be desired.

All of this could have been easily avoided if he had used FaceID to unlock his phone. But, it seems that he either didn’t activate the facial recognition feature introduced with the iPhone X — or it simply didn’t work.

The musician’s ensuing rant left the President speechless as well as many onlookers, making Kanye’s dumb-ass password the photo-op’s main takeaway. One viral tweet amassed more than 39,000 likes, 12,000 retweets, and almost 800 replies at the time of this writing.

Come on Kanye, you’re one of the most famous people in the world. Like I said you might as well invite people to hack you. I’m sure Trump somewhere is going “Come on, my iPhone passcode is 123456, no one can hack me!”. Of course you can. In fact it’s probably illegal.

The day has come: Kanye West met with Donald Trump for the second time since the 2016 election. There were hugs. MAGA hats. West praised Trump's relations with North Korea, and gave a monologue that touched on everything from the 13th and 2nd amendments to Superman. The whole event was confusing, uncomfortable, and deeply depressing. But there was one small spark of joy.

West, a man who has referred to himself on a number of occasions as "Steve Jobs," a man who expresses unreserved admiration for Jobs and Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak, uses 000000 as the passcode for his iPhone. He is one of the biggest celebrities in the world. The contents of his phone are probably more valuable than Elon Musk's current net worth. How could he have such bad security?!

He'll probably change it now, but it was still hilarious. Do you think the passcode is performance art? Has Kanye heard of two-factor authentication? Will that cousin who stole his laptop come back for the iPhone?

Jobs is turning in his grave.

Does anyone get the irony of this? The guy who travels with a 50 person entourage for security purposes obviously doesn’t give a shit about cyber security! So go on, if someone is dumb enough to give their passcode is 000000, don’t be surprised when you get hacked! And I guess Kim isn’t too concerned either!

It's been an interesting couple of weeks for Kanye West, whose Trump-supporting antics peaked this past week when he met with Donald Trump in the White House. The meeting was a bizarre spectacle to say the least, with Kanye pitching Air Force 1 ideas, dropping quotes like 'Time is a myth,' and accidentally revealing his uninspired iPhone passcode.

Despite the backlash, CNN says that Kim Kardashian West is "not embarrassed" by Kanye's behavior, contrary to previous reports. "Kim is incredibly supportive," a source said, adding that West's mind "moves at lightning speed" and suggested the forum for the White House meeting wasn't the best representation of West's "genius."

Leading up to Kanye's White House appearance, Kardashian told Extra that she excited for it. "I always say he isn't the best communicator, but he has the best heart," Kardashian said. "I know what he wants to accomplish... and I can't wait to see that happen."

Shortly after Kanye's surprise post-show rant on SNL, the rapper deactivated his social media accounts. But he made his return to Twitter yesterday for a lengthy discussion on mind control.

[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]Deep State Diaries Episode 10: The DMV
[br] [/font]

From: Idiots #5-10

It’s time for episode 10 of Deep State Diaries. Yes we’re touring the 24 branches and services that make up the United States government. Everything from the FBI to the IRS to the Pentagon to the CIA to the DPW to the DVA to parks and recreation and all branches and services in between. Of course if you’re here you probably already know more about our government and how it works than your average Fox News loving Trump supporter does. So that’s what this segment is going to address. We are going to do a deep dive into all that makes the United States the United States. Because we here at the Top 10 love to educate as well as entertain. Because we care.

[font size="6"]The Department Of Motor Vehicles[/font]

Our next foray into the Deep State centers around the one branch of the government everyone loves to hate because it’s such a bureaucracy. That’s the Department of Motor Vehicles. The DMV’s overall attention to bureaucratic tendencies has become a running joke on TV shows including the Simpsons and Futurama – which took the DMV’s concept to new heights with the Central Bureaucracy. So why does this organization get such a bad rap? Why do people hate it so much? Well there’s plenty of reasons for that, and none of them are really good. Especially if you’re trying to get a new license, and there happens to be some janky computer software installed.

Idaho’s county sheriffs agree: The Idaho Transportation Department’s new driver’s license software is a wreck.

On Monday, ITD announced yet another breakdown of the system had shut down driver’s license services across the state. The problem, the agency said, was on the software vendor’s side and also affected other states that vendor serves.

At 7:25 a.m. Tuesday, the state agency said on Twitter that the system was back up. But by noon, ITD reversed course and told all sheriff-run DMV offices to “close their doors while troubleshooting continues,” according to a news release.

The Ada County Sheriff’s Office had already sent its DMV staff home by 11 a.m. due to continued problems.

So that’s just one state! Maybe it’s a department glitch? Maybe it’s a network glitch? Maybe it’s something with the system? Well no, try all of the above! The DMV is one of the jankier operations in our government and it definitely needs some improvement.

Some state employees have been able to skip the long lines at N.C. Division of Motor Vehicles offices this summer by going to a driver’s license office that’s open only to them.

The office, on the third floor of DMV headquarters on New Bern Avenue in Raleigh, has been used for years to test new equipment and procedures and to train workers. But starting in January, DMV invited employees at several state agencies to visit the office to get a REAL ID, a new type of driver’s license that satisfies federal identification standards that will take effect in 2020.

The existence of the state license office was first reported by WBTV in Charlotte, which referred to it as a “secret driver’s license office” used by “select state employees.” DMV Commissioner Torre Jessup bristled at that characterization, saying emails inviting people to use the office were sent to all employees of nine state departments, including Transportation, Public Safety, Agriculture and Consumer Services and Natural and Cultural Resources.

“It’s not secret. We sent out an email with the invitation,” Jessup said in an interview Tuesday. “This is just one part of the entire outreach for us to get people in to get their REAL IDs.”

Now here’s the real reason that people hate the DMV – the lines. Which is absolutely fucking ironic when you think about it since we live in an era where people will wait *DAYS* in line for expensive shit like phones and shoes, but they can’t be bothered to wait 2 hours in line to get their fucking drivers’ license renewed! Thank you Minneapolis!

Wait times at Southern California Department of Motor Vehicles offices have some drivers traveling hundreds of miles to avoid long lines.

The DMV in the high desert town of Needles has some of the shortest lines in the state, KABC reported. When a news crew arrived at 10:30 a.m. Monday, there were only two people waiting in line.

"It's really nice. Not like back at home in L.A. County," one customer said to KABC.

Although the DMV's long lines are infamous, the situation worsened when the DMV started processing information for California’s REAL ID. The modified license will be required for travel in some states and access to secure federal facilities after October 1, 2020.

A spokesperson for the DMV said the agency is monitoring wait times at all 172 field offices across the state.

Well at least they gave Otto a shot. But really this just dumbfounds me. People will travel so they don’t have to wait in line, but will gladly give up days to get a new iPhone! The hypocrisy is completely mind boggling! In fact there’s literally people who will wait in line for you! Just…. Ahhh!!!!!

Every Californian is forced to interact with the DMV occasionally, but we all try to limit in-person visits whenever possible because wait times have become so intolerable. The DMV has always been notorious for poor customer service; however, this year wait times have reached record levels and so have the complaints.

Part of the problem is due to a new type of driver’s license that started being offered in January. Back in 2005, Congress passed the REAL ID Act, which established federal security standards for government-issued identification. People who want to board airline flights, visit military bases or enter federal buildings using a driver’s license after Oct. 1, 2020 must have REAL ID-compliant identification. Due to these increased security standards, REAL ID must be obtained in person at the local DMV office. The influx of people applying for a REAL ID-compliant license is making already-long wait times even worse.

At the Department’s request, last year the Legislature appropriated it an extra $70 million to minimize wait times for its customers in anticipation of the additional workload caused by REAL ID. This money was specifically allocated to open 60 DMV field offices on Saturdays starting in January. However, I was shocked to recently discover that it wasn’t until Aug. 4th that all 60 field offices were finally open on Saturdays.

But there’s currently no plans to implement a fast lane at the DMV yet. So don’t go thinking that your time waiting in line is going to be cut short. That’s wishful thinking. There won’t be a VIP or early entry line at least any time soon.

Lines at the DMV are moving more quickly — at least according to the department’s director.

Director Jean Shiomoto says recent changes have shaved time off the average wait.

KCAL9’s Laurie Perez spoke with the director in Granada Hills Saturday while she toured the local DMV office.

Liz and Levi Deras knew spending Saturday morning at the DMV wasn’t going to be fun.

“I came here like around 8:30 and it’s 9:54, so an hour and a half,” said Liz.

Many drivers said they’ve noticed longer wait times.

“I’m beyond frustrated right now,” says Alicia Moran.

[font size="6"]Score Card [/font]

Overall importance: A
How Things Are Going: D-
Likely hood To Survive: B+

Overall: C-

[font size="6"]Next Week [/font]

Get out your paint brushes, polish your musical instruments, and get your scripts ready as we are going to check out the National Endowment For The Arts!

[font size="8"]And Now This:[/font]
[font size="8”]AWOLNATIONl[/font]

Ladies and gentlemen, my next guest is an awesome band from Los Angeles. They have a great new album out called “Here Come The Runts” and you can see them at the Red Sun Festival in Redding, CA September29th and the Voodoo Music & Arts Festival in New Orleans on October 26th – 29th. Playing their song called “Passion”, give it up for AWOLNATION!

Happy Thanksgiving! The Top 10 will return next week with a brand new edition live from Tempe! See you next week!


Host: Initech
Top 10 Conservative Idiots Recorded In Front Of Live Audience At: Alamo Drafthouse, Kansas City, KS
Special Thanks To: Alamo Drafthouse Management
Top 10 Gospel Choir: Our Church Of The Nazarene Choir, Shawnee, KS
Images: All images copyright belongs to respective copyright holders.
Videos: All videos copyright belongs to respective copyright holders
Articles: All article content copyright belongs to respective copyright holders
Writing: Top 10 Writing Department
Graphics: Top 10 Graphics Department
Research: Top 10 Research Department
Lighting & Stage Props: Top 10 Lighting Department
Legal: Top 10 Legal Department
Advertising: Top 10 Advertising Department
HR: Top 10 Human Resources Department
Initech’s Wardrobe Provided By: JAB Inc.
Wheel Of Corruption By: Studio 1 Stage Props, Burbank, CA
AWOLNTION appear courtesy of: Red Bull Records
Management: Initech Productions, CCC Management
Follow The Top 10 On Twitter at: @10Idiots
Questions? Comments? Complaints? Hate mail? E-mail The Top 10 at: Top10ConIdiots@gmail.com

Initech Productions: Yes, We Got The Memo

5 replies, 1444 views

Reply to this thread

Back to top Alert abuse

Always highlight: 10 newest replies | Replies posted after I mark a forum
Replies to this discussion thread
Arrow 5 replies Author Time Post
Reply Top 10 Conservative Idiots Best Of #6: Thanksgiving Edition (Original post)
Top 10 Idiots Nov 2018 OP
JohnnyRingo Nov 2018 #1
Top 10 Idiots Nov 2018 #4
flying rabbit Nov 2018 #2
dembotoz Nov 2018 #3
Scurrilous Nov 2018 #5

Response to Top 10 Idiots (Original post)

Wed Nov 21, 2018, 07:32 PM

1. Excellent!

With so many conservative idiots, it's hard to boil it down to just ten.

Thanx for posting.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink

Response to JohnnyRingo (Reply #1)

Thu Nov 22, 2018, 12:13 AM

4. And this is a best of!

That's why these are so long every week - it's impossible to boil it down to just 10 and keep it short!

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink

Response to Top 10 Idiots (Original post)

Wed Nov 21, 2018, 08:44 PM

2. K&R nt

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink

Response to Top 10 Idiots (Original post)

Wed Nov 21, 2018, 10:12 PM

3. Kick

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink

Response to Top 10 Idiots (Original post)

Thu Nov 22, 2018, 01:24 AM

5. K&R

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink

Reply to this thread