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Wed Oct 24, 2018, 05:00 PM

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #5-17: Lock, Stock & Two Smirking Grins Edition

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #5-17: Lock, Stock & Two Smirking Grins Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! What’s up Philadelphia???? So how about the Eagles? I mean that’s what I would have said last year but this year… eh. Yeah I think most Eagles fans can agree with me on that one, right? But. I got to say it’s good to be back! You know I love a good cheese steak but man did I miss the crab fries! Lord, those are good. Do they put crack in those things? Because I literally could eat an entire order and maybe another one and maybe another one. Do we have time for the thing? Hey advertisers stop attaching your name to things! Nobody is going to call it “Anaheim House Of Blues Presented By Cricket Wireless”. No! They just call it the “House Of Blues”. And I mean have you seen Cricket Wireless stores? They're in shopping centers with bars on the windows! The kind of places where the buses don't run and you feel like you could be stabbed at any minute. And I can't believe any sane person out there actually *WANTS* a Galaxy J7. No! People want the iPhone XR with the 6 inch screen and 512GB of storage. The Galaxy J7 is the phone you get after you're rejected for about 15 other different phones before it including Samsung's Galaxy S9 which I have. The people who are buying Cricket Wireless phones there are not the kind of people who go to concerts at the House Of Blues. But I will tell you what advertisers are not attaching their name to – Halloween costumes! Yes, I saw this on Twitter and could not stop laughing. So there’s a thing where people are posting just the jankiest Halloween costumes you can find. Because you know, licensing rights are expensive! In fact can we show a few of these? Like instead of Harley Quinn, you can dress as Misfit Sidekick! Instead of Neo from the Matrix, you can go as Cyber Man! Yes, it’s the new adventures of Cyber Man! Instead of dressing as Alicia Silverstone from Clueless, you can go as Notionless. Or instead of Mario – there’s Video Game guy! Or the even jankier Mushroom Bros! Instead of Prince, there’s 80s Purple Musician! Instead of Waldo, there’s Where’s The Stripey Dude? Why go as Beatlejuice when you can go as Juice Demon? Or my personal favorite – you can go as the top student from Chogwarts! OK that’s enough of the intro, we got a lot of idiocy to get to. But first Stephen Colbert breaks down Trump’s 180 on Lyin’ Ted Cruz:

Remember last week when I said that we wouldn’t be covering the Khashoggi killing? Well we’re still not doing that but we will cover Mike Pompeo’s (1) trip to Saudi Arabia and it might be the single worst diplomatic mission in US history. In the second slot this week is of course the guy who we still call president, Donald Trump (2) – which has been up to some stunning evil this week including advocating for violence against journalists and possibly erasing the term “transgender” from existence. This is some Hitler-esque shit here. Taking the 3rd slot this week is also Donald Trump (3) – and there’s been some new developments in that infamous Trump Tower meeting before the election and we will tell you all about it. For number 4 this week, is Sheriff Joe (4). Remember him and how he got his ass handed to him in Arizona’s primaries? Well he’s suing the NYT for an ungodly amount of money over an unflattering piece published last week. At number 5, we’ve got a brand new installment of our investigative series Top 10 Investigates (5) and this week we’re going to talk some football – was the move for the Chargers to Los Angeles worth it? The answer, not surprisingly, is no. For the 6th seed this week we have of course our weekly visit to the Holy Church Of The Top 10 in “Holy Shit” and this week our resident pastor is going to do a deep dive into Portland’s premier fundamentalist Christian fight club for angry white men everywhere – Patriot Prayer! At number 7 this week we have a new installment of one of our favorite series, “This Fucking Guy” and this week we’re going to profile Proud Boys founder and the guy who literally thinks violence is the answer to everything, Gavin McInnes (7). In the number 8 slot we’ve got a new installment of our ongoing segment “What’s Up With India?” because you know India is crazy and we’re going to tell you all about it. Nice knowing everybody! To quote the late, great James Brown – people, it’s bad! At number 9 (NEIN!!!!) this week we’ve got an all new installment of People Are Dumb, because of course people are dumb! Finally this week we’ve got our ongoing series Deep State Diaries and this time we’re going to Arlington, Virginia to visit the FBI! Yes, do your best Ed Wood impression here. Plus we’ve got some awesome music from a great jazz-funk band from the South – St. Paul & The Broken Bones are stopping by! Really buy their new album “Young Sick Camelia” or you’re no friend of the show. And as always don’t forget the key!

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[font size="8"]Mike Pompeo
[br] [/font]

Unless you’ve been living under a rock by now you’ve probably heard of the gruesome disappearance and murder of Jamal Khashoggi, a journalist for the Washington Post who was killed at the hands of the Saudi Consulate in Istanbul. But what happened? What went down? All Trump seems to think about is that $110 billion weapons deal and really – does Saudi Arabia need more weapons at this point? You know they would use them for no good. Especially after this happened.

U.S. Secretary of State Mike Pompeo met on Tuesday with Saudi Arabia’s King Salman over the disappearance and alleged slaying of Saudi writer Jamal Khashoggi, who vanished two weeks ago during a visit to the Saudi Consulate in Istanbul.

Pompeo’s arrival came hours after a Turkish forensics team finished a search inside the consulate. Police planned a second search, this one of the Saudi consul’s home in Istanbul, a Turkish Foreign Ministry official said.

Turkish officials say they fear Khashoggi was killed and dismembered inside the Istanbul consulate. Saudi officials previously have called the allegations “baseless,” but reports in U.S. media on Tuesday suggested the kingdom may acknowledge the writer was killed there.

Pompeo landed in Riyadh on Tuesday morning and was welcomed by Saudi Foreign Minister Adel al-Jubeir on landing. He didn’t make any remarks to the media.

You know what? Screw the meme! Let’s just show that photo for a second.

For the record, let's call this piece "Lock, Stock, and Two Smirking Grins". You can't get much more evil than this folks! Thank you audience! You know last week we avoided talking about Khashoggi but we got to talk about the evil that’s happened since then since that’s really all we can do. And guess what? They denied it!

US Secretary of State Mike Pompeo said Saudi Arabia's top leaders on Tuesday "strongly denied" any knowledge of what happened to missing journalist Jamal Khashoggi inside the Saudi consulate in Istanbul.

Pompeo said he met with King Salman, the King's son, Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman, and Foreign Minister Adel al-Jubeir. In each of those meetings, "the Saudi leadership strongly denied any knowledge of what took place in their consulate in Istanbul," Pompeo said.

"We had direct and candid conversations. I emphasized the importance of conducting a thorough, transparent, and timely investigation, and the Saudi leadership pledged to deliver precisely on that."

"My assessment from these meetings is that there is serious commitment to determine all the facts and ensure accountability, including accountability for Saudi Arabia's senior leaders or senior officials," Pompeo said.

Yes, hold it, wait a minute. What the fuck happened? And why did Saudi Arabia pay the US $100 million on the day of Pompeo’s visit? This one makes absolutely no fucking sense!

The US received a payment of $100 million from Saudi Arabia on the same day that Secretary of State Mike Pompeo visited Riyadh to meet with Saudi leaders to discuss the investigation into Jamal Khashoggi's disappearance.

"The timing of this is no coincidence," an American official involved in Syria policy told The New York Times. He confirmed the money arrived on Tuesday.

The payment, first reported by The Times, was pledged in August as part of American efforts to stabilize parts of Syria, but at the time, it was not immediately clear if or when the money would show up.

The sudden cash windfall raised some eyebrows on Wednesday, given the ongoing investigation into Khashoggi's disappearance, but US officials denied that the swift transfer of cash between Saudi Arabia and the US had anything to do with Pompeo's visit to Riyadh.

Yes, quid pro quo! And are we really surprised that the Trump administration is lying their asses off about this whole thing? This whole thing is like an onion – the more you peel back the layers, the more it stinks, and the more you are likely to cry as a result. I mean this is about as fucked up as it gets.

A pro-government Turkish newspaper on Wednesday published a gruesome recounting of the alleged slaying of Saudi writer Jamal Khashoggi at the Saudi Consulate in Istanbul, just as America's top diplomat arrived in the country for talks over the Washington Post columnist's disappearance. The report by Yeni Safak adds to the ever-increasing pressure on Saudi Arabia to explain what happened to Khashoggi, who vanished Oct. 2 while visiting the consulate to pick up paperwork he needed to get married.

U.S. Secretary of State Mike Pompeo told journalists before leaving Riyadh on Wednesday that Saudi leaders, including King Salman and his son, the 33-year-old Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman, "made no exceptions on who they would hold accountable."

"They made a commitment to hold anyone connected to any wrongdoing that may be found accountable for that, whether they are a senior officer or official," Pompeo said. But he admitted that he had learned very little about the actual case of the missing journalist from his meetings in Riyadh.

"I don't want to talk about any of the facts," Pompeo told journalists. "They didn't want to either, and they want to have the opportunity to complete this investigation in a thorough way." The top U.S. diplomat said he felt it was "a reasonable thing to do to give them that opportunity and then we'll all get to judge. We'll all get to evaluate that work that they do."

Holy shit! And that’s from a pro-government Turkish newspaper at that! Hey Infowars fans – this is what an actual conspiracy looks like! Yes, real conspiracies and not your made up ones. Because we all know that Erdogan is a Putin stooge and this is about as crazy as it gets.

It was, to be sure, a discomfiting scene: there was Secretary of State Mike Pompeo amiably clutching the hand of Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman in an ornate meeting room in Riyadh a mere fortnight after Washington Post columnist and Saudi dissident Jamal Khashoggi had gone missing. The steady drumbeat of revelations had been perplexing and damning and almost inconceivable: the video evidence of Khashoggi entering the Saudi consulate in Istanbul; the reports of a 15-person Saudi “kill” team landing in the city, including a so-called bone-saw expert; and Donald Trump’s myriad equivocations. Yet as evidence increasingly suggested a connection between M.B.S. and the presumed murder, Pompeo’s visit seemed like the latest assault to diplomacy. Despite what should have been a somber, mordant affair, he looked like Ed McMahon about to present an oversize check before the camera. (On Friday night, the Saudis conceded what everyone had long known: Khashoggi was dead.)

Back in Washington, members of the diplomatic and intelligence community that I spoke with were gobsmacked. While Axios has reported that Pompeo uttered harsh words beneath his avuncular civility, many found the optics insurmountable. “The grip and grin sort of stunned people who saw it,” a congressional aide told me. “There is a lack of confidence that he is doing everything in his power to actually get the truth in this case.” Among diplomatic veterans, Pompeo’s affable demeanor was a real misstep. “Pompeo did not handle this well,” a former high-ranking State Department official sighed. “I don’t think it would have been difficult to be more somber in meetings and more nuanced in comments afterward.” As one State department official lamented to me, “Certainly from where I sit, it is discouraging to see the administration seemingly subordinate our values to other interests in such an egregious case.”

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[font size="8"]Donald Trump
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It’s pretty much no secret that the Christian right has been dictating Trump’s policies since he stormed his way into the oval office. Now, what might be one of his most truly evil and stunning policies, one that people would dare call “Nazi-esque” would rear its’ ugly head. Yes, it is time to go there, I mean come on he referred to himself as a “nationalist” at a rally this week. You know who else calls themselves nationalists? Hitler. Stalin. Mussolini. Pol Pot. Pinochet. Putin. Milosevic. Gaddafi. You know – Trump’s people. Now you can add him to the list!

The Trump administration is considering narrowly defining gender as a biological, immutable condition determined by genitalia at birth, the most drastic move yet in a governmentwide effort to roll back recognition and protections of transgender people under federal civil rights law.

A series of decisions by the Obama administration loosened the legal concept of gender in federal programs, including in education and health care, recognizing gender largely as an individual’s choice and not determined by the sex assigned at birth. The policy prompted fights over bathrooms, dormitories, single-sex programs and other arenas where gender was once seen as a simple concept. Conservatives, especially evangelical Christians, were incensed.

Now the Department of Health and Human Services is spearheading an effort to establish a legal definition of sex under Title IX, the federal civil rights law that bans gender discrimination in education programs that receive government financial assistance, according to a memo obtained by The New York Times.

Seriously I think even Hitler is somewhere going “Damn that’s pretty fuckin’ evil!”. But guess what folks – you know what his official stance on this is? He’s doing this for our “protection”. Protection from what? People expressing themselves in their true form?

U.S. President Donald Trump said on Monday that transgender issues were in flux and he aims to protect the country after a report that his administration was considering defining gender as male or female based on genitalia at birth drew widespread condemnation.

“We have a lot of different concepts right now. They have a lot of different things happening with respect to transgender right now,” Trump said amid a protest outside the White House and outpouring of criticism on social media about the proposal.

Asked about a campaign promise to protect the LGBTQ community, Trump said: “I’m protecting everybody. I want to protect our country.”
Protests as Trump administration considers re-defining gender
Oct. 22, 201801:22

Under a proposal first reported by the New York Times on Sunday, the Trump administration would narrow the definition of gender to male or female at birth and it would be unchangeable later in life.

He’s seriously out of control and the Christian right has gone mad with power. I mean come on, you ever try going mad without power? It’s boring! No one listens to you! But guess what? You can’t erase people with a memo. This isn’t Infinity War and Trump and the Christian right are not Thanos.

Should the government be able to tell you what underwear to buy? Or what to name your children? Or how many times a day you can go to the bathroom? No. That would be invasive and wrong.

But under a new policy reportedly being considered by the Trump administration, the federal government would attempt to tell millions of transgender people like me not what we can do, but who we can be. It would attempt to tell us that, legally, we don’t exist — that in the eyes of the state, we are not ourselves.

It’s the ultimate form of government intrusion.

Trump's Department of Health and Human Services is said to have drafted a memo to federal agencies that would “erase” the legal status of millions of transgender people by using Title IX to impose an archaic definition of gender as “immutable biological traits identifiable by or before birth.”

The policy, according to reporting by the New York Times, is part of a larger attempt to roll back existing protections for transgender people fought for by human rights advocates, particularly in education and health care policy. Codifying the exclusion of transgender identity under Title IX would apply to the departments of Labor, Justice, Education and Health and Human services, allowing everything from workplace discrimination against trans people to reduced access to school facilities for trans children to disparate access to health care for members of the community.

Well let’s hope it doesn’t come to that! I mean here’s the fucking irony – aren’t these people supposed to be for smaller government? This is about as big government as it gets. Hell, it’s gigantic government at its’ finest. And really what would happen if it were redefined?

The Trump Administration is considering a policy that could effectively end federal recognition of more than a million adults who identify as a gender other than the one listed on their original birth certificate.

According to a Department of Health and Human Services memo obtained by the New York Times, the Administration is considering adopting a narrow definition of gender as an immutable characteristic determined by one’s genitalia at birth. If the proposal is approved, the departments of Education, Justice and Labor would be expected to follow suit.

Though it’s still unclear how the policy would work, experts say it could affect the kind of medical treatment transgender people could receive under Medicaid, which prisons transgender inmates might be assigned to or what school bathrooms they could use.

The proposal, which is still a draft, appears to be in stark contrast to decisions the Obama Administration made to relax the legal concept of gender, such as Section 1557 of the Affordable Care Act, a non-discrimination provision that indicated any health program or activity in receipt of funding from the Department of Health and Human Services could not discriminate on the basis of sex, among other things. Obama-era federal guidance sought to clarify that gender identity discrimination was a type of sex discrimination.

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[font size="8"]Donald Trump
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So what exactly happened in that infamous Trump Tower meeting that took place in June of 2016 when Trump and his cohorts conspired to steal the election from Hillary Clinton? We may never know what exactly went down since Trump will decry any sort of actual facts as “fake news” or a “Soros conspiracy” because you know, Soros is responsible for all the GOP conspiracy theorists’ woes. But really, there’s been some crazy new developments happening. But here’s the weird thing – did you know that Russia set up a shadow corporation? This is the stuff of conspiracy theories, folks!

A Russian billionaire who orchestrated the June 2016 Trump Tower meeting formed a new American shell company a month beforehand with an accountant who has had clients accused of money laundering and embezzlement.

The billionaire, Aras Agalarov, created the US company anonymously while preparing to move almost $20m into the country during the time of the presidential election campaign, according to interviews and corporate filings.

The company was set up for him in May 2016 by his Russian-born accountant, who has also managed the US finances of compatriots accused of mishandling millions of dollars. One of those clients has its own connection to the Trump Tower meeting.

In June 2016, Agalarov allegedly offered Trump’s team damaging information from the Kremlin about Hillary Clinton, their Democratic opponent. The offer led Trump’s eldest son to hold a meeting at their Manhattan offices that is now a focus of the inquiry into Moscow’s election interference by Robert Mueller, the special counsel.

Now here’s the really fucked up thing – you know Voldemort, er, Vladimir Putin, has a way of making his enemies and detractors disappear, you know the way a good dictator would. Here’s something crazy that happened this week:

A Russian deputy attorney general, who is thought to have directed Russian attorney Natalia Veselnitskaya in her efforts abroad on behalf of Russia's government, reportedly died Wednesday night in a helicopter crash.

The Daily Beast reported that Saak Albertovich Karapetyan was aboard an unauthorized helicopter flight, which crashed near the village of Vonyshevo, outside of Moscow.

Karapetyan was reportedly behind Veselnitskaya's global efforts to lobby lawmakers to overturn anti-corruption acts such as the U.S. Magnitsky Act, which passed in 2012. The U.S. legislation is similar to others around the world which commemorate Sergei Magnitsky, a lawyer who died while trying to expose a $230 million fraud scheme in Russia. The acts have reportedly incensed Russian President Vladimir Putin.

The Daily Beast reported that Karapetyan signed a letter sent on behalf of Russia's government to a U.S. court in 2014 refusing assistance into an investigation concerning Magnitsky's death. The letter was drafted reportedly with aid from Veselnitskaya.

No collusion! No collusion! No collusion! How can they say there’s no collusion when you look around and it’s literally happening everywhere? It’s even happening with the people who were involved with the meeting! Seriously!

Rob Goldstone couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

The music publicist had set up a Trump Tower meeting with three senior members of Donald Trump’s presidential campaign and a small group of Russians.

He’d helped them get through the door with an attention-grabbing email to Donald Trump Jr., promising the future president’s son that “the Crown Prosecutor of Russia” had information to share that would incriminate Democratic presidential candidateHillary Clinton “and her dealings with Russia.”

But after what Goldstone thought was a mind-numbingly dull presentation and a few vague remarks about Russian fund-raising for Democrats, the Russianattorney, Natalia Veselnitskaya, switched gears. She stopped talking presidential politics and started talking about U.S.-Russian adoption policies.

You know Vlad is doing that somewhere. Wouldn’t it be great if this were like a video game and Vlad is the final boss but then like a Final Fantasy villain he reveals himself to have far greater powers than you could ever imagine? But he can be defeated!

Before Rob Goldstone sent Donald Trump Jr. the email that would become the focus of perhaps the most pivotal political investigation in history, he recalls saying: “No good could come of this.”

The person Goldstone made the comment to was a client, pop singer Emin, who asked him to reach out and request a meeting with Trump.

Although the Azerbaijan-born pop star was working to parlay his fame into U.S. stardom, he wasn’t asking for himself, but for his father, mogul Aras Agalorov. The mogul, who had strong Russian business ties, was seeking to give Trump information that certain Russians were giving illegal donations to the Democrats.

Or that’s the story Goldstone says he got from Emin, and what he wrote to Donald Trump Jr. in the email, which he readily admits he “puffed up” to make it seem more important.

“I would have written ‘Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs’ if that would have gotten his attention,” Goldstone says.

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[font size="8"]Sheriff Joe
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You know conservatives are like bad weeds. You use a weed killer and new ones will sprout up just a few minutes later. Just look at Roy Moore who’s failed as a judge but thought he could make it as a senator – and he got spit out the bottom of the conservative barrel. Which brings me to Joe Arpaio – the guy known as Sheriff Joe. Yeah he’s the textbook definition of the movie version of the “villain won’t die” cliché. So he failed as a sheriff and got his ass handed to him in Arizona’s primaries. So what’s a down trodden guy like Sheriff Joe supposed to do?

Former Arizona Sheriff Joe Arpaio, who lost his U.S. Senate bid in August, filed a lawsuit against The New York Times and one of its opinion writers over an opinion piece that he says contains ''several false, defamatory factual assertions" that he claims damage his chances of running for office again.

Arpaio, 86, is seeking $147.5 million in damages, as well as attorney fees.

The suit, filed with the U.S. District Court for the District of Columbia, alleges that New York Times writer Michelle Cottle purposely made malicious statements that would negatively affect a bid for the late Sen. John McCain's Senate seat in 2020. Arpaio ran for Sen. Jeff Flake's seat this cycle and lost in the primary.

The lawsuit, first reported by Politico, claims the opinion was defamatory and interfered with Arpaio's "prospective business relationship with the National Republican Committee" and other donors and it painted him in a "false light." Cottle's op-ed was headlined, "Well, at Least Sheriff Joe Isn't Going to Congress: Arpaio's loss in Arizona's Senate Republican primary is a fitting end to the public life of a truly sadistic man".

A spokesperson for the New York Times told Politico that the newspaper "intend(s) to vigorously defend against the lawsuit."

You know it’s not in the Top 10 policy to kick a man when he’s down but considering Sheriff Joe actually tortured people, exceptions have to be made, damn it! What about the people who filed lawsuits against him? You know he may be paying all those people out!

A judge who ordered taxpayer-funded compensation for Latinos who were illegally detained when then-Sheriff Joe Arpaio defied a 2011 court order in a racial profiling case is being asked to give the victims six more months to apply for the money.

The one-year period for filing claims is scheduled to end on Dec. 3, but immigrant rights advocates said in a court filing last week that more time is needed to locate those who were illegally detained when Arpaio disobeyed the order to stop his traffic patrols targeting immigrants.

Arpaio, who was accused of prolonging the patrols to boost his successful 2012 re-election campaign, was later convicted of criminal contempt of court for his acknowledged disobedience. A pardon by President Donald Trump spared Arpaio, who lost the 2016 sheriff's race, a possible jail sentence.

While the pardon led to the dismissal of Arpaio's criminal case, taxpayers in metro Phoenix remain on the hook for compensation for the illegal detentions in the patrols between late December 2011 and May 2013.

At least Sheriff Joe isn’t *THAT* clueless with a gun, though we secretly suspect that he is. So you might be asking, what does the New York Times think of the New York Times lawsuit? Well that is a good question and I answer you with:

Joe Arpaio, the former Arizona sheriff pardoned last year of his criminal contempt of court conviction by Pres. Donald Trump, is now suing the New York Times and its writer over an opinion piece about his Senate primary loss this summer.

The Aug. 29 opinion piece by editorial board member Michelle Cottle was headlined, “Well, at least Sheriff Joe isn’t going to Congress.” It had the subheadline of “Arpaio’s loss in Arizona’s Senate Republican primary is a fitting end to the public life of a truly sadistic man.”

Arpaio’s lawsuit argues the opinion article “contains several false, defamatory factual assertions” about him, and claims it is to “prevent him from successfully” running for public office in the future.

iMediaEthics wrote to Arpaio’s lawyer, the chairman and general counsel of Freedom Watch, Larry Klayman. Klayman pointed iMediaEthics to his press release which called Arpaio “an American hero,” the Times‘ writer “hate-filled,” and the Times itself a “venomous leftist publication.” His press release added, “By demanding and getting a jury verdict for large compensatory and punitive damages, we hope to bring this ‘failing newspaper’ to its knees and to end its mission to destroy all who it disagrees with, most notably conservatives, including the current president of the United States, Donald J. Trump.”

Yeah you know he’s giving thumbs up for this. But since conservatives have a habit of taking things out of context, let’s take a look at the actual New York Times piece, shall we?

Let us pause for a moment to mark the loss of a fierce and tireless public servant: Joe Arpaio, the former sheriff of Maricopa County, Ariz., who so robustly devoted himself to terrorizing immigrants that he was eventually convicted of contempt of court and would have lived out his twilight years with a well-deserved criminal record if President Trump, a staunch admirer of Mr. Arpaio’s bare-knuckle approach to law enforcement, had not granted him a pardon.

To clarify, Mr. Arpaio the man has not passed. As of Tuesday, he was still very much alive and kicking, the proto-Trumpian embodiment of fearmongering ethnonationalism. Mr. Arpaio’s dream of returning to elective office, however, has been dealt what is most likely a fatal blow by his loss in Arizona’s Republican primary for the Senate. Cast aside and left to wallow in the knowledge that his moment has passed, he has a fitting end to the public life of a true American villain.

This defeat came as a surprise to no one. In the closing weeks of the race, his campaign had begun melting down. His staff was in chaos, and polls showed him trailing both Representative Martha McSally, Tuesday’s victor, and Kelli Ward, an anti-immigration firebrand also courting the right wing of the party.

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[font size="8"]Top 10 Investigates
[br] [/font]

Philadelphia it’s time to investigate beyond the headlines. This is Top 10 Investigates!

Not even two years ago, the city of Los Angeles was without the NFL. While the rest of the country enjoyed NFL franchises, Los Angeles did not have one. Until last year when the LA Rams finally decided to move from St Louis to LA. But then things got shook up when the San Diego Chargers jumped ship and moved to Los Angeles. The recent death of Chargers owner Alex Spanos sought to answer many questions about the Chargers’ ill-advised move, such as could the city support two NFL franchises? The answer is a not at all shocking no.

The Los Angeles Chargers moved from San Diego to Los Angeles after the team couldn’t come to a deal with the city of San Diego on a new stadium. The Chargers moved a year after the Rams returned to Los Angeles, which was the Rams’ home before they temporarily — it was a 20-year vacation — spent time in St. Louis. Local media personalities — maybe unfairly — wrote and spoke about how Los Angeles only wanted the Rams and not the Chargers. That started the poisoning of the well. Since then, it’s been an uphill battle for the team — fan acquisition and business wise — since it moved up the 5 and 405 freeway. It took a while, but NFL owners are finally noticing the Chargers’ issues.

The Chargers haven’t been able to grab a foothold in Los Angeles. The crowd in StubHub Center — which is located off the busy 405 freeway in Carson — is usually heavily populated with opposing teams’ fans. The Rams had to deal with a similar issue in their first year, but the Rams were bad in their first year. The Chargers are good. They aren’t current Rams good, but they are still very good.

The Rams are the problem for the Chargers. They have a younger team with bigger names. They have a first-round California quarterback who checks every box as if he came from central casting. They have the best running back — and maybe the best offensive player — in the NFL who happens to be reigning offensive player of the year. They have the reigning defensive player of the year. They have the reigning coach of the year who is the boy-genius of the NFL.

So the biggest problem for the fledgling Chargers? Their cross-town rivals, the LA Rams. The Rams have a bigger fanbase, a bigger budget and they’re getting the new stadium before the Chargers could ever get one in San Diego.

The “Fight For L.A.” is fairly lopsided at this point, leaving plenty of people wondering how long to let it go on.

According to Seth Wickersham of ESPN.com, the depth of the team’s struggles has been a topic among owners at this week’s league meeting, though not yet an official item of business on the league’s agenda.

The Chargers are playing in the 30,000-seat StubHub Center at the moment, which cuts into their ticket revenue. But it’s their viability as a tenant at the under-construction Inglewood stadium that’s the bigger concern.

Sources told Wickersham the Chargers plan to revise their revenue goals from $400 million to $150 million, a reflection of the difficulty of selling PSLs for two teams to a market that did without football for two decades.

Yes, the owners of the Chargers should probably get one of those. But guess what? Despite all the attendance claims and the negative press, the Chargers aren’t leaving. But what happened when the Chargers played San Francisco’s 49ers this week?

t's a running joke amongst NFL fans that the Los Angeles Chargers play 16 road games, and for good reason - there's a lot of truth to the claim.

Week 1 saw Kansas City Chiefs fans turn StubHub Center red, and Sunday's game against the 49ers was more of the same. It looked like the Niners fans had nearly the entire stadium for Week 4's matchup.

Seriously, this is absurd.

There were loud chants of "De-fense" when the Chargers had the ball. Again, this was supposed to be a Chargers home game.

Yeah they probably are and you know it’s a bad thing when most of the fans at your stadium are there to cheer for the other team. But apparently like a relative visiting on a holiday they’re staying put for the duration and then some.

The Chargers might be struggling to make fans in Los Angeles, but there's a reason that the NFL isn't panicking yet, and that's mainly because the team is apparently going to have a lot of time to develop a fan base in their new city.

According to Pro Football Talk, when the Chargers moved to L.A., the team signed a "firm" 20-year lease to serve as a tenant at the new stadium being built by Rams owner Stan Kroenke. The lease means that even if the the Chargers wanted to leave L.A., they wouldn't be able to do it until after the 2039 season.

The Rams have been selling sponsorships and advertising for the stadium with the understanding that two teams would be playing there, which is why it would likely be nearly impossible for the Chargers to get out of the lease.

Of course, the Chargers could leave after 20 years since that's when they'll finally have the option to move again. According to PFT, the Chargers' lease includes two 10-year options. Basically, if the Chargers actually build a fan base and want to stay in L.A., then they could exercise the first 10-year option, which would run from 2040 to 2049. If things are still going well, the Chargers could exercise their second 10-year option, which would presumably run from 2050 to 2059.

So the Chargers may be staying put, but one thing is clear in the fight between the Chargers and the Rams for the title of LA’s team – no matter what happens, the Oakland Raiders are the most popular team in LA.

In the week before a road game, NFL teams blare crowd noise over the speakers on their practice fields. For home games, dealing with crowd noise is usually not an issue.

But it’s an issue this week for the Chargers.

The Chargers, who have consistently struggled to attract fans to their tiny temporary home stadium in Carson, California, are piping in crowd noise to prepare for Sunday’s home game against the Raiders, Sam Fortier of The Athletic reports.

While the Chargers’ fan base in Southern California is small, the Raiders still have plenty of fans in Southern California even though they left Los Angeles to return to Oakland in 1995. The photo published here, showing a lonely Chargers fan in a sea of Silver and Black, was taken at the Raiders-Chargers game in Carson last year. So it’s likely that Carson will resemble the Black Hole on Sunday, and Raiders fans will drown out Chargers fans — and possibly drown out the Chargers’ offensive signals.

That’s it for Top 10 Investigates. Good day.

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[font size="8"]Holy Shit
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Gather around, my fair brothers and sisters of Philadelphia, it’s time to take a seat in the pew and pass the collection plate! For the Holy Church of the Top 10 has convened and it’s our weekly duty to remind you why the holiest among us are also the most full of:

My fair congregation!!! You know that Saturday Night’s All Right For Fighting! I heard someone say something like that once. No it wasn’t Sir Elton, although that would make sense. Thank you sir! And while there’s a non secular fight club on the east coast called the “Proud Boys”, this group has been trying to take over Portland like nobody’s business. And just like that secular group, this group called “Patriot Prayer” is certainly going to take over downtown Portland. Or are they?

About two dozen supporters of the far-right Patriot Prayer group gathered Monday on a closed Clark College campus to protest a Washington ballot initiative.

Leader Joey Gibson told the ralliers that Monday's rally was a warm-up for Wednesday when he said they will return to the campus to try to talk to students about the importance of gun ownership.

Clark College President Bob Knight in a letter last week shut down campus Monday after the rally was announced. He encouraged students, staff and faculty to avoid the campus for the day if possible.

Only three or so students showed up. They followed Gibson and his supporters on a 15-minute walk from campus to the Interstate 5 overpass, where they waved U.S. flags and signs that urged people to vote no on Initiative 1639, which would raise the minimum age of semi-automatic rifle purchasers to 21 from 18. It would also impose a 10-day waiting period for semi-automatic purchases and require buyers to take firearms training.

Annabelle Forteo said she attends Clark College two days a week and was annoyed that one of those days was interrupted by the closure.

You know even the good LAWRD JAYSUS thinks this is ridiculous! I mean really I have read and memorized the Good Book from cover to cover and I don’t remember anywhere where it said that JAYSUS shot first and asked questions later! Thank you! I mean did he pray six times or only five? I don’t remember that passage! Yes, that was from the book of Harry, sir! But once again there were more counter protesters than actual protesters. But of course if you’re going to show up to a Patriot Prayer rally, you’re going to get into a fight! Because that’s how they roll.

A demonstration billed as a march for "law and order" in the streets of Portland descended into chaos as rival political factions broke into bloody brawls downtown Saturday night.

Members of the right-wing group Patriot Prayer and their black-clad adversaries, known as antifa, used bear spray, bare fists and batons to thrash each other outside Kelly's Olympian, a popular bar on Southwest Washington Street.

The melee, which lasted more than a minute, ended when riot cops rushed in and fired pepper balls at the street fighters.

The Portland Police Bureau reported seeing protest and counter-protest participants outfitted with hard knuckle gloves, knives and firearms earlier in the evening. Police said they made no arrests Saturday night, but will continue to investigate.

The wild scene unfolded amid mounting tensions among both groups, fueled in part by a pair of national news stories.

Sounds about right. Oh and nobody hates more than Patriot Prayer, they’re the original player haters, and like all horrible things, the group started shortly after the Dark One – whose name shall not be mentioned in my church - assumed power. But unlike that other group, the Patriot Prayer warriors are armed and dangerous, and they’re not afraid to use them!

Portland Mayor Ted Wheeler intended to look decisive Monday afternoon by announcing an emergency ordinance that would give police broad authority to control warring protest groups.

But as he justified his action, the mayor opened a can of worms. He described an alarming discovery—a nest of guns on a downtown roof—that raised more questions than it answered.

In the early morning of Aug. 4, hours before a massive waterfront protest, Portland police officers discovered a group of Patriot Prayer supporters on the roof of a parking garage in downtown. According to a description provided in the mayor's proposed ordinance, the men had a "cache of firearms," which a mayoral staffer would later describe as "long guns."

"Prior to the start of the scheduled demonstrations, police discovered individuals who had positioned themselves on a rooftop parking structure in downtown Portland with a cache of firearms," the ordinance says.

Yes, even SAYTAN himself condemns this group of prayer warriors to the fiery pits of the darkest regions of HELL! Because that’s where these sinners are going! But guess what? Just like Deadpool they’re taking their fight international! Coming soon to a city near you – this shit!

Fresh off another violent street brawl in Portland, Patriot Prayer is planning a pair of college campus visits to talk about guns -- but now is turning its attention to its home turf of Clark County.

Members of the right-wing group plan to be at Clark College on Oct. 22 and Washington State University Vancouver the next day to protest a state ballot initiative that would raise the minimum age of semi-automatic rifle purchasers to 21 from 18.

Joey Gibson, a Vancouver resident and Patriot Prayer's leader, said about three dozen supporters will hand out fliers encouraging students to oppose Initiative 1639, which would also impose a 10-day waiting period for semi-automatic purchases and require buyers to take firearms training.

Several campus groups at WSU Vancouver this week published an open letter to urge students and faculty not to attend class during Patriot Prayer's visit, citing the group's propensity for physical confrontations and its history of drawing white nationalists and other controversial participants to its events, The Columbian reported.

Clark College spokeswoman Hannah Erickson told the paper the school also had concerns about the group coming to its campus, which Gibson dismissed.

"They're not going to stop us talking to students. It's not going to happen," he told The Columbian, adding that Initiative 1639 was "fascist."

Well, Joey, you can talk all you want! Doesn’t mean that anyone is going to listen, and you’re probably going to get into a fight or two! By the way, how great is our gospel choir? Give it up for them! Can I get an amen??? But really the take away here is that these guys are dangerous and insane and you can’t get away from them!

The Oregonian/OregonLive has been able to identify the woman, but not the man. He's wearing a black hoodie emblazoned with the logo for AK Press, a book publisher that specializes in anarchist and radical literature.

The woman didn't respond to multiple phone calls and Facebook messages Thursday seeking comment. New York police and others associated with 9/11 can't confirm she was married to a 9/11 victim.

The episode occurred at the end of a Patriot Prayer march for "law and order" in downtown Portland that spiraled into a violent brawl between the right-wing group and its antifascist, or antifa, adversaries.

Later that evening, a man erupted at a woman standing near the corner of Southwest Morrison Street and Broadway.

"Why are you trying to block me?" says the man, adding an expletive.

There you have it folks! The devil has spoken and it is through Patriot Prayer! Mass has ended, may you go in peace! That’s it this week for:

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[font size="8"]This Fucking Guy
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It’s time for a new edition of:

This week’s “This Fucking Guy” goes to the extremely racist and ultra violent founder of the Alt Right gang known as the Proud Boys, Gavin McInnes. Like all horrible things, the Proud Boys started after Trump won the 2016 election. But if you were to look up the word “psychopath” in the dictionary you’d see pictures of Mr. McInnes. He’s the kind of guy who you wouldn’t take home to mother, and he’s certainly the type of violent psycho who would take candy from a baby and then spit in their faces because hey, there’s no free handouts. But here’s the bizarre thing about the Proud Boys – everywhere they go, Antifa is sure to follow. It’s almost like watching a really fucked up episode of Spy Vs Spy, and you can’t help but wonder if they have synced up drinking schedules or something. So what did the Proud Boys to do “own the libs” this week?

Gavin McInnes, leader of the pro-men Proud Boys group, said that the eight members wanted by New York City police will surrender for their part in a brawl outside of a Republican club in Manhattan on Oct. 12.

The planned surrender came after one Proud Boys member was arrested on Oct. 18.

The brawl, which police said started after a member of the extremist Antifa group chucked a bottle at the Proud Boys, took place outside the Metropolitan GOP Club on the Upper East Side.

A total of six Antifa members and nine Proud Boys were wanted or already arrested for allegedly participating in the brief brawl, which was broken up by police officers.

McInnes told the New York Times that he was helping arrange the surrender of the members. By Friday night, a second Proud Boys members had been arrested and a lawyer representing at least four of the suspects had called a precinct to work out details of their surrender.

Come on, how do the Proud Boys always attract Antifa whenever they go out drinking? It’s like moths to a bug zapper! How do these guys always meet in the same place at the same time? Seriously it’s almost as if someone is pulling both of their strings. Maybe it’s Mr. McInnes? But attend a Proud Boys rally and no matter which side you’re on, you’re bound to get arrested!

The New York Police Department announced over the weekend that it has opened a criminal probe into the Proud Boys, a far-right fraternal organization.

Deputy Commissioner John Miller told the New York Times that the group was “the subject of a regular criminal investigation” following their involvement in a violent brawl outside a local Manhattan GOP club earlier this month.

Miller told the Times he was aware of the legal constraints on law enforcement probes of political groups but that “violence is violence.”

The probe marks the latest fallout from the Oct. 12 event at the Metropolitan Republican Club, where Proud Boys founder Gavin McInnes made a speech mocking the 1960 assassination of a Japanese socialist leader. After the speech ended, McInnes’ followers clashed with anti-racist activists waiting outside. Three protesters were arrested at the scene.

But that wasn’t the only evil thing that the Proud Boys have been up to this week. So by now you may have seen the video going around of Cuban protestors heckling Nancy Pelosi at the Florida DNC offices this week. Well guess who was behind it?

House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif.) was confronted by protesters in Florida on Friday organized by a local Republican chapter and a local group of the "Proud Boys," who shouted pro-Trump slogans and blasted the Democratic House leader as a "communist."

Video of the confrontation recorded by a member of the "Proud Boys" shows protesters holding signs and cursing at Pelosi as she entered a campaign event for Donna Shalala, the Democratic nominee in Florida's 27th District.

"Look at this piece of sh-t Pelosi," the cameraman is heard yelling in the video.

“You don’t belong here you f--king communist f--k,” a voice is also heard saying on the video. “You and your f---ing Democrats.”

Pelosi's office told The Hill in a statement that it was ironic to hear President Trump accuse Democrats of being part of an angry "mob" after events such as the protest in Florida. The Proud Boys are considered a hate group by the Southern Poverty Law Center over anti-immigrant and racist views espoused by members.

Yup! There he is, the king of Trump douchedom, Gavin McInnes! Right there behind yet another angry tirade directed at liberals, because, reasons. Oh and by the way you know how fucked up and angry the Proud Boys are? They’re so fucking angry that they will show up to rallies that never existed! To paraphrase Bugs Bunny – “What a bunch of maroons!”

Several dozen people showed up to a North Carolina outdoors store on Saturday to mount a counter-protest against an Antifa rally that didn’t exist.

A recent Facebook page called Gaston County Antifa, which is a portmanteau for “antifascist,” had posted earlier in the week that group members “from at least 10 states” were planning to gather in front of the Gander Outdoors store in the Franklin Square shopping center in Gastonia. Other than the Facebook page, there’s no evidence of any such group actually existing in Gaston County, but that didn’t stop those spreading the rumors. Even local website CharlotteStories ran a widely shared article about the fake rally.

The dozens of counter-protesters stood in front of the Gander store waving flags, including U.S., Confederate and Trump flags. Some, like Terry Pennington, came from outside the county to be at the outdoors store.

A massive American flag flies from the parking lot in front of the store, and Pennington said he’d heard that Antifa members were going to light it on fire.

“They ain’t here because they’re still in their momma’s basement,” Pennington said.


Which begs the question – if a bunch of right wing trolls get trolled, who are the real trolls? That’s Gavin McInnes and the Proud Boys – this week’s :

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[font size="8"]What’s Up With India?
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It’s time to ask:

Yes it’s the segment where we delve into all the batshit crazy news coming out of the former subcontinent which has a population that’s almost 10 times more than the next 15 countries combined and when that happens you’re bound to get some batshit insanity happening. So if you live in a major city like Philadelphia or Los Angeles, you’ve probably seen these assholes lying in giant piles on city streets. Lewis Black even did a bit on it on the Daily Show a couple of weeks ago. Yup – the Bird scooters are coming to Indian streets near you!

Singapore’s sidewalks are about to get a lot more crowded. Beam, co-founded by the former Asian chief for Chinese bike-sharing giant Ofo Inc., has raised $6.4 million from investors including Sequoia India to deploy its electric scooters around the island nation.

Beam just closed a seed funding round led by Sequoia India, Founders Fund, ZhenFund and Class 5 Global, Beam said in a statement. Its other backers include Arbor, Insignia, 500 Startups, Gobi and K2 Global. The financing will help bankroll a fleet of e-scooters manufactured by Segway Ninebot, backed by smartphone maker Xiaomi Corp.

The announcement comes the same day Stockholm-based Northzone Ventures -- an early investor in Spotify and iZettle -- announced it had led an investment of 25 million euros ($28.7 million) into Berlin’s Tier Mobility, which already has scooters on the streets of Vienna.

Beam, whose co-founder also headed up Indonesia for Uber Technologies Inc., is trying to replicate the success of Bird Rides Inc. and Lime in Asia. While those American startups have scaled quickly after raising massive amounts of money, they have yet to arrive in the region.

Well hey we’ve at least pinpointed the origin of these things, maybe if we shut down the factory we can turn them all off, like in Independence Day! Now if that’s not crazy enough, when there’s a movie that is as popular and original as “Crazy Rich Asians”, wait until you see what happens when the movie premiered in India.

In the blockbuster rom-com Crazy Rich Asians, which finally arrived in India over the weekend, Constance Wu’s character Rachel Chu encounters a nasty surprise in the midst of a luxurious island getaway.

It’s a pivotal scene: Bored at a bachelorette party for Singapore’s richest of rich, Rachel returns to her private villa to find that the women, jealous of her relationship with the country’s most eligible man, have dumped a dead fish on her bed. On the window, written in fish blood, are the words “Catch this you gold-digging bitch.”

But Indian viewers didn’t get to see this. In fact, for those who haven’t already read Kevin Kwan’s book that inspired the film, it can take a while to figure out what exactly Rachel found on her bed because the country’s Central Board of Film Certification (CBFC) decided to blur it out (as well as the word “bitch”).

On Sept. 24, Crazy Rich Asians received a UA (Unrestricted Public Exhibition-But With Parental Guidance) rating from the CBFC, after weeks of confusion over whether it would release in India at all. But on its website, the CBFC lists all the changes it requested, including blurring the sight of the “killed fish kept on bed” and muting words such as “suck(s),” “slutty,” “skanks,” and the phrase “shave your coo-coo chara” (referring to genitalia).

People give the FCC a lot of shit here, but at least we’re allowed to say words like “suck” and “skank”, ah isn’t freedom great? But there is one thing that India is not free from and that is Donald Trump. Damn it, just can one place in the entire world be free from hearing about him? Well, guess what happened to India’s stock market when Trump started attacking it? Well…

Markets across the world have crashed over the past few days. BSE Sensex today lost over 1,000 points at one point. The fall in share markets world over has its origin in certain fiscal predictions and financial state of Europe. But US President Donald Trump created panic with his, what is being held as unprecedented, attack on the Federal Reserve, the central bank of the country.

Federal Reserve has raised interest rates three times this year. The last upward revision in the interest rate was done in September. Every hike in interest rate by Federal Reserve was followed by crash of the Sensex in India. Investors would withdraw money from the Indian markets as the US ones would offer better rate of return.

Another hike in interest rate by Federal Reserve is expected soon. And, this has left Donald Trump unhappy. The US markets were shedding loads on Wednesday and Wall Street witnessed a decline of over 800 points or 3.15 per cent. This was the biggest fall in the US markets in over eight months.

Trump said that the fall in stock market was a correct that I have been waiting for long but he launched a frontal attack on Federal Reserve calling it crazy. He said, "I think the Fed is making a mistake. They are so tight. I think Fed has gone crazy."

And by the way speaking of Trump, you know he’s trying to do away with California’s laws on smog protection. So if that happens, expect what’s happening in India to happen in California and maybe even all around the country as Trump looks to make pollution great again! So if pollution reaches these scary levels, California might want to enforce a fireworks ban:

he Indian Supreme Court banned the sale of most firecrackers Tuesday, amid concerns their use during annual Diwali celebrations next month will again send pollution levels spiking across the country.

In its judgment, the court said the ban would apply to traditional firecrackers, but not so-called "green" fireworks, which it defined as being "low emission sound and light emitting functional crackers" that produce less polluting particulate matter.

The move comes as cities across India are experiencing heavy smog, as crop clearances and falling temperatures bring an annual plunge in air quality.

Critics were skeptical about how effective the ban would be and questioned how it would be enforced.

Gopal Sankaranarayanan, a lawyer who represented one of the petitioners to the court, said the exemption for "green" firecrackers meant little because, "as of now, none exist."

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[font size="8"]People Are Dumb
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Hey Philadelphia it’s time for People Are Dumb!

So of course by now you know that people are people and people are dumb. And it’s been two weeks since we last did one of these so there’s a lot of stupid people piling up! So I want to start with this story out of India. People, when you’re on a flight, it’s probably best if you leave the exit doors on the plane alone, especially, if, I don’t know, it’s in flight!

An Indian passenger sparked panic in mid-air when he tried to open a plane door, apparently mistaking it for the toilet, the airline and reports said.

The man was travelling on a GoAir flight from New Delhi to Patna when he attempted to open the aircraft's rear exit, the carrier said."A co-passenger raised the alarm and he was intercepted by the crew," GoAir said in a statement e-mailed to AFP on Tuesday.Indian media reports said he was a first-time flier in his late 20s.

"Pandemonium prevailed amid all this and he was restrained and finally handed over to us.""He said that the confusion happened because he had boarded a flight for the first time in his life," Mohammad Sanowar Khan told the newspaper.

GoAir said the passenger was handed over to the authorities for further investigation after the plane arrived safely at its destination.A spokesman for the airline added that the man wouldn't have succeeded in opening the door anyway due to air pressure in the cabin.


Yeah it was kind of like that. Next up – we go to Iowa for this story. You know it’s one thing to get a friend or relative an intervention. But intervention doesn’t mean “by excessive force”. At least there weren’t soda cans full of wine involved!

Three people face felony charges for allegedly forcing a Dubuque man out of his home and assaulting him over a drug intervention.

Hunter J. Gruel, 21, and Sarah E. Gruel, 24, both of East Dubuque, Ill., and Mitchell J. Eveland-Taylor, 23, of Hazel Green, Wis., are charged in Iowa District Court for Dubuque County with first-degree burglary. They were scheduled to make court appearances Friday morning.

According to court documents, Dubuque police were called to 2186 Foye St. at about 7:30 p.m. Tuesday in response to a disturbance. Gabriel M. Locher, 18, told police that Hunter Gruel, Sarah Gruel and Eveland-Taylor were among a group that came to the residence to confront him and his roommate, Brittany O. Shaw, 18.

Locher said Shaw unsuccessfully tried to do a drug intervention for the sister of Hunter and Sarah Gruel, documents said. Locher said Hunter Gruel and Eveland-Taylor entered his home, assaulted him and pulled him out into the yard, where Locher was assaulted further.

Next up – we go to Springfield, Missouri for this one (WOOOOOOOOO!!! Springfield!). So, people… people if you’re under arrest for something, and specifically if you’re under house arrest, maybe don’t post a video on Youtube about how to remove your ankle monitor!

Giacomo Bologna, Springfield News-Leader Published 10:30 p.m. CT Oct. 7, 2018

A Springfield man is in jail after authorities say he filmed himself using a butter knife and a screwdriver to remove an ankle monitor — then posted the video to Facebook.

The July video referenced by investigators is still posted on what appears to be the Facebook page of Dustin W. Burns, 33.

Court records show Burns pleaded guilty to violating a restraining order earlier this year and was placed on probation.

"This is how you take an ankle bracelet off," says a voice in the video, "without breaking the circuit."

The man advises viewers to remove the ankle monitor without damaging it, thus avoiding thousands of dollars in fines.

Well hey it’s all well and good until someone tries to remove an ankle monitor! Next up – sigh… do I really need to point how absurdly stupid the idea of the emotional support animal is getting? And by the way, if I board a plane and I see someone who has an “emotional support squirrel”, I am not sitting next to that person!

Frontier Airlines said a woman had to be escorted off a flight bound for Cleveland Tuesday night due to a squirrel.

Frontier said a passenger boarded Flight 1612 in Orlando, saying the squirrel was an emotional support animal.

The airline said the passenger noted in her reservation that she was bringing an emotional support animal, but it was not indicated the animal was a squirrel.

Frontier said "rodents, including squirrels are not allowed" on its flights.

The passenger was advised of the policy and asked to get off the plane.

The airline said when she refused, Orlando police were called and requested everyone be deplaned so they could deal with the passenger.

Oh come on, you’re on Frontier Airlines! This is the airline that has animal tales on all their planes. I think this story would be more ironic if this woman were on the plane that had a squirrel on the tale. And finally for people are dumb, and speaking of airplanes, we have to bring you to bring you this story. You know maybe in this case, imitation really *isn’t* the most sincere form of flattery. And this might be the worst excuse ever, but the guy honestly is not wrong here:

A man cited President Donald Trump after he allegedly groped a woman during a Southwest flight from Houston to New Mexico on Sunday, according to court documents.

Bruce Alexander, 49, was arrested on an abusive sexual contact charge after Southwest Flight 5421 landed in Albuquerque.

According to an affidavit, when Alexander was placed in handcuffs, he told officers that "the president of the United States says it’s OK to grab women by their private parts."

Alexander is accused of touching a woman's breast while he was sitting behind her on the Southwest flight.

The woman said she felt Alexander's hand move from behind her and grab her right breast. She said she fell asleep about 20 minutes into the flight and not long after, she felt him touch her but assumed it was an accident, according to court documents.

That’s it this week for:

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[font size="8"]Deep State Diaries Episode 17: The FBI
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It’s time for episode 2 of Deep State Diaries. Yes we’re touring the 24 branches and services that make up the United States government. Everything from the FBI to the IRS to the Pentagon to the CIA to the DPW to the DVA to parks and recreation and all branches and services in between. Of course if you’re here you probably already know more about our government and how it works than your average Fox News loving Trump supporter does. So that’s what this segment is going to address. We are going to do a deep dive into all that makes the United States the United States. Because we here at the Top 10 love to educate as well as entertain. Because we care.

[font size="6"]The FBI[/font]

We need some music for this one:

Yes, the truth is out there, folks! So this week we’re heading out to Langley, Virignia to visit the organization known as the Federal Bureau of Investigations. THE FBI!!!!! Whew, that was very well timed, sound effects guy! But the FBI does more than just investigate extra terrestrial activity as their X-Files unit clearly shows. So what makes the FBI the FBI? Why are conservatives so afraid of the FBI and why do they constantly attack it?

The FBI says it was unable to find any records to support President Trump's claim that there are "100 pictures" of former FBI Director James Comey and special counsel Robert Mueller "kissing and hugging each other."

Jason Leopold, an investigative reporter for BuzzFeed News, sent a Freedom of Information Act request to the FBI last month after Trump made the comment in an interview with the Daily Caller.

"We were unable to locate records responsive to your request," the FBI said in a letter to Leopold on Oct. 17, which the reporter shared on Twitter. "Therefore, your request is being administratively closed."

The letter notes "three discrete categories" of law enforcement and national security records that Congress excluded from such a FOIA request.

Upon seeing the letter, Comey tweeted, "My wife is so relieved," along with a "tears of joy" emoji.

Of course they weren’t. Because they don’t exist! Damn Trump and his conspiracy theorist lunatic fanbase – you guys are intentionally wasting the FBI’s time. You want to know what an actual FBI investigation looks like? Here’s one.

A second Sedgwick County Commissioner is on record with KSN, saying there is an FBI investigation into several of the commissioners.

"I can tell you it's not me. I'm not part of the investigation other than answering questions," said Commissioner Jim Howell.

Howell does confirm he has answered questions of FBI investigators.

"Yes, I have," said Howell. "I don't want to harm what's being investigated so I guess it would be wise not to comment on that right now. But their timeline and how exactly they move forward is really up to them. I don't want to cause any problems. It's been going on probably most of the month of October."

The FBI is conducting an investigation involving the Sedgwick County Commission, multiple sources tell KSN.

Richard Ranzau went on record with KSN Monday confirming the investigation.

Yeah probably. Getting involved with the FBI is no joke. And people make jokes and take pot shots at the FBI all the time. But one thing the FBI is investigating? The Catholic Church. Yes we’ve talked for quite a bit about the Catholic Church’s egregious mishandling of abuse cases, but the FBI may be getting involved in one town.

Agents from the Federal Bureau of Investigation visited St. Mary's Church in Swormville, a source tells Two On Your Side's Steve Brown.

St. Mary's is the same church where a priest retired after an allegation of misconduct. Father Robert Yetter resigned after being placed on administrative leave a few months ago, according to a report in the Buffalo News.

There are multiple buildings on church property and Two On Your Side is told the agents were spotted in several of them.

In addition to the FBI's visit of St. Mary's, Two On Your Side was told agents have interviewed people with connections to the Buffalo Diocese.

This development comes one week after news broke that the Buffalo Diocese turned over documents after they were served with a federal subpoena.

Yeah there’s no making fun of that so we won’t try. Although there was that awesome episode of South Park a couple of weeks ago where the town gathered at the church every Sunday just so they could make fun of priests abusing kids. But getting back on topic, do you think you have what it takes to join the FBI? There’s an app for that!

If you think you have what it takes to join the FBI and become a special agent, there’s an app to test you physical fitness level against FBI standards.

The FBI’s Physical Fitness Test app is free to download in the Apple App Store, or on Google Play. It allows you to take the same fitness test required of anybody entering the FBI academy. It’s also the same kind of fitness test FBI agents must pass every year to stay in the bureau.

Taking the test yourself allows you to score yourself against FBI standards.

“I’ve always viewed the fit test as kind of a check on yourself personally every year,” said FBI Indianapolis Special Agent in Charge Grant Mendenhall. “Where you are from a fitness standpoint.”

I got a taste of the fitness test Tuesday morning at Butler’s Davey Track and Field complex. Special Agent Andrew Evans put me and a few others through a deceptively difficult regimen of fitness events.

[font size="6"]Score Card [/font]

Overall importance: A
How Things Are Going: B
Likely hood To Survive: A+

Overall: A-

[font size="6"]Next Week [/font]

It’s time to visit the organization that handles our mail and precious cargo, the United States Post Office, and do your best Newman impression here!

[font size="8"]And Now This:[/font]
[font size="8”]St. Paul & The Broken Bones[/font]

Ladies and gentlemen my next guest is an awesome jazz funk band from Birmingham, Alabama. You can see them on tour everywhere in February and March of 2019, playing their song “Apollo” from their album Young Sick Camelia give it up for St Paul & The Broken Bones!

Philadelphia, we love you! We’ll be back soon, we promise! We’re off to Nashville next for our big Halloween bash! See you next week!


Host: Initech
Top 10 Conservative Idiots Recorded In Front Of Live Audience At: Punchline Philly, Philadelphia, PA
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Holy Shit Gospel Choir: LaSalle Choir Club, Philadelphia, PA
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