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Wed Oct 10, 2018, 10:19 PM

Why not? I will share...

My personal story goes like this:

It was at my grandma's house. She lived with my two aunts and I would visit them quite frequently. One time, when I was 9, I was there when grandma's sister came to visit with her husband, whom I will call Carl, and her grandson. This kid was about 11 or 12, and I was always happy to see him because we would play while adults talked about boring things with each other.

That one time, this kid, who I will call Joey, decided that we should play outside, as he wanted to play cops and robbers. Cool, I though. He took me to the backyard, out of family's sight, and he told me I needed to play the cop, and he would be the robber. In fact, I was gonna shoot himand capture him. Odd game, I thought, but I went along. I "shot" him as he requested, and he "fell" next to a wall. He started whispering "Come here, I am wounded, can't you see it?"

I sat next to him and he asked me to touch the "wound" and help him heal. I touched his belly, thinking it would be there, but he asked me to "go lower". He kept asking me to do this, and my hand were already under his pants and very close to his genitals... when one of my aunts asked us what we were doing. She looked at me stunned... and although I found the game to be odd, I sensed something very wrong had just happened by the look on her face. After Joey and his family left, grandma and my aunts asked me about what had happened. After I told them, they talked to my mom, and told me to stay away from him if he ever visted again, and that they would make their best to keep me away from him. I felt angry at Joey, and scared, although I didn't know why.

I saw him a couple of months later, as my grandma's sister came to visit my mom, along with Carl and Joey. When I saw them coming, I hid in my room. I guessed it was what I needed to do to stay away from Joey. Curiously enough, after 30 minutes, I hear a knock my door, and it was Joey and my mom. She said to me, "he just wants to say hi to you". She stayed behind him, as he said hi to me as if nothing had happened. Neither of us said much, though, and after a minute or so, they all left, and I have not seen him since.

For many years, I ignored the event. However, I recently started asking questions. Primarily, what did my family do about the situation? Mom recently told me that the day Joey came to my house, he immedately asked to see me. She told him she would let him greet me, but that she would be close, and that if he attempted to do anything to me, she would cut of his genitals with a butcher knife. She said this in front of her aunt and her husband Carl, and they both remained silent. In fact, my mom saw a nervous smile in Carl's face.Nothing else was said that day about what had happened.

I asked my aunts not too long about their take on the incident, and one of them said she always found Carl's relationship with Joey to be odd. She said Carl always hung out with that kid, spending more time with him than normal. It seemed like he always made excuses to go out alone with Joey, and that "Carl is an oddball, so only God knows..."

To finish, I have become more and more sorry for Joey as years go by, because it is now obvious to me he was abused himself and needed help... and none of the adults in my family saw him as a child in need. Someone has taught him this behavior...

Luckily, the incident was cut short by my aunt, and I moved on with my life, but what about him? How much more abuse did he endure, and how much more abuse has he committed since? I guess I will never know.

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Response to IluvPitties (Original post)

Wed Oct 10, 2018, 10:26 PM

1. Very sad story. Would many adults today be able to deal sny better with Joey?

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Response to IluvPitties (Original post)

Wed Oct 10, 2018, 10:28 PM

2. I had Joey pegged as a survivor when he asked you to touch his wound.

That's more adult-driven grooming that an 11-year old would have learned from someone older.

In our house, it was a cousin who was abused by an older male in her life, who then mimicked the abuse with our daughter during a month or so she lived with us.

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Response to IluvPitties (Original post)

Wed Oct 10, 2018, 10:29 PM

3. Thank you for the courage to share with us!

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Response to Armymedic88 (Reply #3)

Wed Oct 10, 2018, 10:39 PM

4. You are most welcome.

It felt good to write about it... although I can't still not understand why my family reacted the way they did.

I guess it was different back then...

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Response to IluvPitties (Original post)

Wed Oct 10, 2018, 11:16 PM

5. I'm not saying it's 'okay', but that's really not that odd for an 11 or 12 year old boy ...

He absolutely did not HAVE to have 'been abused' nor to have 'learned it from some dirty old relative man' like Carl.

By the time I was 8, I knew the birds and bees, and I'd seen a Playboy.

By the time I was 9, I'd looked at all the pics in the Joy Of Sex, and played 'spin the bottle' with girls old enough to be in ... the beginnings of puberty.

By the time I was 10, I'd read the juicy parts from the Happy Hooker, including the lesbian stuff.

By the time I was 11, I'd seen both Penthouse and Hustler.

I was in no way abused by any adults, esp. not my parents or relatives, and none of the ones in my life ever 'taught me' anything, other than the 'basics' you're supposed to be taught. Everything 'else', I discovered on my own, out of curiosity.

Let's just say, in the 1970's (at least in California), people didn't do a great job of making sure there were no Penthouse's in the bathroom when little boys came to visit, or copies of Joy Of Sex on their bookshelf.

So yeah, at 11, I was intensely interested in girls, and seeing their 'secret parts', or getting them to 'touch me down there'. At 11 y.o., I'd probably have seen a 9 y.o. girl as 'old enough to play with', though I don't recall it ever 'happening'.

Yet, I grew up, and I promise I've never abused any kids. Nor was I ever 'abused' ... though I was fondled by a kindly/grandfatherly-looking old Chinese man on a crowded streetcar in Hong Kong briefly when I was 13, gave me a bit of reach around while rubbing his bone against my back, shit-eating grin on his face. He looked like someone who'd be fixing your watch for you in the shop he's had in Wanchai for 40 years, like 'classic' Nice Old Chinese Man.

Anyways, I squirmed away after a minute or two, and got off at the next stop. I suppose that if you run around at 13 y.o. as a pretty white boy, on crowded public transit, in a foreign city of 7M+ people ... eventually SOMEONE's gonna creep on you.

Edit: So ... why I am telling you all this, you may be asking? It's because you're wondering about something of a 'worst-case scenario' ... with regards to your own family members.

And obviously I have no way of knowing one way or another, but I AM here to tell you this ... you may entirely right in what you're imagining ... but you also may be wrong.

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Response to mr_lebowski (Reply #5)

Thu Oct 11, 2018, 12:11 AM

6. Thanks for your comment.

I appreciate your viewpoint, but I will say that what I described felt wrong then, and it still feels wrong to me now.

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Response to IluvPitties (Reply #6)

Thu Oct 11, 2018, 01:03 AM

7. Again, not saying what the kid did wasn't 'wrong', as it was ... and your family definitely knew it

And it sounds like they did right by protecting you. 9 yo girls, and 11 yo boys ... are quite different, and you absolutely SHOULD have been protected.

Your cousin may've been over-exposed to 'sexual stuff' ... but that doesn't have to mean it was 'first-hand'. There's been PLENTY of 2nd hand exposure available, at least for anyone raised in the 1970's or later.

In retrospect, I was over-exposed as well ... but it was not because of adult 'misdeeds'. I was born fascinated with sex, and began exploring it as soon as I knew what it was. To the point of sneaking into grown-ups bedrooms to check their bookshelves when they weren't watching.

And I know that my even suggesting this concept will cause the hair on many people's necks to stand on end, and there will be a need for them to tell me that I MUST have been abused, and I just don't recall it, or whatever. But ... no.

I don't think that human sexuality lends itself to nearly as simple and neat of 'definitions' ... as many would wish were the case.

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Response to IluvPitties (Original post)

Thu Oct 11, 2018, 11:50 AM

8. It is not uncommon for children to engage in games like "doctor" in which they tentatively explore

each other's bodies. Sometimes, however, it can be symptom of sexual abuse and go too far. A couple of articles you might find informative:

http://www.childmag.co.za/content/inappropriate-games

http://www.philly.com/philly/blogs/healthy_kids/Sex-play-between-kids-When-is-it-a-problem.html?arc404=true

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