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Wed Sep 26, 2018, 04:00 PM

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #5-13: Wheel Of Corruption & The Half Blood Prince Edition

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #5-13: Wheel Of Corruption & The Half Blood Prince Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! Man it is good to be home! We’ve been on the road for the last couple of months and we have had an awesome time going around the country, playing to packed houses, and meeting some awesome liberal people. You guys really came through on this and I can’t wait to head back out. In the next couple of months we’re heading out to the east coast and south, though due to the hurricane we may have to retool a few of the shows we originally had planned. So do we have time for the thing? Hey, congratulations to the Cleveland Browns! They finally won a game!! I mean come on with the come on! Whew!!!! That was awesome! Maybe they can win another game next week! But can we talk about sports for a minute? Specifically I want to talk about one of my favorite sports subjects: creepy mascots. You may remember we’ve talked about it in the past when the New Orleans Pelicans unveiled that creepy baby mascot. Well, I think the Philadelphia Flyers have managed to top the Pelicans in the creepy mascot world. Can we show that?

So his name is “Gritty” and he looks like the kind of thing that would haunt your nightmares. Or maybe you’d want to snuggle up against during a warm winter fire. But really, he looks more like the Philly Fanatic mated with the weird AM PM mascot and had an awkward love child. Which really begs the question – are flaming hot Cheetos an inherited genetic trait? Hey we may never know! OK that’s enough of the intro, we have a lot of idiocy to get to, but first we have to play Bill Maher’s awesome new rule from last week where he dissects Trump’s narcissistic personality disorder:

Hey everybody the Wheel Of Corruption is back!!!! Yay!!!! It’s been dormant for a while since we’ve been on the road but we can’t wait to dust it off! At number one this week of course is Brett Kavanaugh (1). So yeah the possible future SCOTUS justice had a *SECOND* woman come forward against him (Ed. Note: And now a *THIRD*, but we won't be able to cover it this week), and yeah it’s a shit show. At the second slot this week is of course the guy who we still call president Donald J. Trump (2). There’s many ways we could go this week but we’re going to talk about his ridiculous golfing habits, and he’s pissed off quite a few people as you can imagine. At number 3 this week is our old buddy Alex Jones (3). So the final nail in Infowars’ coffin may have been set, with Paypal pulling the plug on the conspiracy theory website. At number 4 this week is DC based sandwich shop Taylor Gourmet (4) who you might say got “Art Of The Deal’d” after their CEO met with Trump during a business summit, or did it? Taking the fifth slot this week is our weekly investigative piece “Top 10 Investigates” and this week we’re going to talk about data privacy. More specifically – your purchase history and whether or not it’s safe. Spoiler alert! Hell no! At number 6 is of course our weekly visit to the Holy Church Of The Top 10 in “Holy Shit” and this week our resident pastor is going to take on a controversial subject in the religious world – should churches be audited for LGBTQ attendance numbers? We will find out! Taking the 7th slot this week, is one of our favorite segments – “Explaining Jokes To Idiots!” where we do just that, and October is almost upon us which means Halloween costume time, and every year – same debate – do we really need the sexy (fill in the blank)? Well the answer is always yes but this year one particular costume has drawn a lot of ire and we will tell you about it. At number 8 we’ve got a new installment of “How Is This Still A Thing” and while Youtube is cracking down on hate content, one creator still has a prominent channel, so we’re going to ask “Red Ice: How Is This Still A Thing?”. And in the number 9 (NEIN!!!) slot this week we’ve got a new People Are Dumb, because, People Are Dumb! And finally this week we’ve of course got the next installment of our ongoing series “Deep State Diaries” and we’re continuing our military tour as we visit the heart and soul of America, the United States Army! Plus we’ve got some live music from the man, the myth, the legend that is Mr. Jack White! Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

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[font size="8"]Brett Kavanaugh
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Hey everybody! It’s time for the WHEEL OF CORRUPTION! YAY!!!!!

Of course you know the rules by now – I spin the wheel and we have to talk about whatever it lands on. Of course if it lands on the guacamole option, you know that it costs $1.50 extra. So here’s what is on the wheel this week:

- Guns
- Abortion
- Crime
- Poverty
- Sex
- Food
- Greed
- Chance
- 5,000
- Infowars
- Nazis
- Go Directly To Jail
- Buy A Vowel
- The Trumper Games
- Lawsuits
- Whammy
- Donald Trump
- People Are Dumb
- ‘Merica!
- How Is This Still A Thing?
- A Random Tweet
- 10,000
- Community Chest
- Talk Shows
- Clip Without Context
- Something Random In The News
- Fox News
- Top 10 Investigates
- Polls
- Chance
- Nukes
- Civility
- Intermission
- Deep State Diaries
- 15,000
- Bankrupt
- Morally Bankrupt
- Golf
- The GOP
- Butter Beer
- Community Chest
- Florida (Obviously)
- This Fucking Guy
- Beating A Dead Horse
- Holy Shit
- Guacamole ($1.50 Extra)
- Harry Potter
- T-Shirt Cannon
- ? (Mystery Item)
- I Need A Drink
- Lightning Round
- Bonus Spin

Let’s get this going! Spin that shit! Come on no whammy no whammy no whammy… stop! Go directly to jail? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

Spin it again! And it lands on… Morally Bankrupt! Well we currently live in morally bankrupt times, and there’s no one more morally bankrupt than the guy who we currently still call president, Donald J. Trump. That was until Trump nominated someone as morally bankrupt as he is – Brett Kavanaugh. And you know what? We need to go through the list of why Kavanaugh and Trump have a lot more in common than you would think.

President Donald Trump sought to discredit one of the women accusing Judge Brett Kavanaugh of sexual misconduct by saying she was "messed up" and "drunk" at the time of the alleged incident. He also said he believes Democrats are masterminding "a con game" against his Supreme Court nominee.
Trump paused before his bilateral meeting with the Colombian President Tuesday to deliver a broadside against Deborah Ramirez, who accused Kavanaugh of inappropriate sexual behavior in an interview with The New Yorker, an allegation he has denied repeatedly. CNN has not independently confirmed her story.
"The second accuser has nothing," Trump said. "She admits that she was drunk. She admits time lapses."
"She said she was totally inebriated and she was all messed up, and she doesn't know it was him but it might've been him," Trump said, adding sarcastically, " 'Oh gee, let's not make him a Supreme Court judge because of that.' "

Dude, Donny you do realize that this is the same day that Bill Cosby is being sentenced for multiple counts of drugged rape, right? Oh wait that’s right you’ve never been called out on abuse, except when you were repeatedly called out on abuse. So of course the GOP are going out of their way to defend this monster, and the more they do, the guiltier they look!

As multiple accusers have come forward with allegations of sexual misconduct against Supreme Court Justice nominee Brett Kavanaugh, his defenders are taking predictable steps to defend him. They have tried trotting out conservative talking heads to smear Dr. Christine Blasey Ford, Kavanaugh’s initial accuser, as a “troubled” liar (though she first made the allegations to a therapist in 2012 and has since passed a polygraph test administered by a former FBI agent) and a Democratic political operative. Sen. Orrin Hatch, R-Utah, has called newer allegations by Deborah Ramirez, simply "phony."

Equally predictable has been the defenses related to Kavanaugh’s youth and level of intoxication at the time of the alleged incidents. There seems to be the unfortunate belief among Kavanaugh's defenders that “boys will be boys” and should not be held responsible for their youthful "indiscretions" or crimes.

Ah, yes, boys will be boys. Of course if you think that, you definitely should not be parents of young girls, and you probably should not be parents of young boys, either! And of course the Christian right, in their infinite wisdom, continues to defend the most immoral and inhumane president in American history, and they’ve cooked up some crazy Kavanaugh defenses. We might have to save some of the crazier ones for next week’s Holy Shit. But here’s a good one:

The American Family Association’s Bryan Fischer used his “Focal Point” radio program yesterday to wage “major league spiritual warfare” against “the demons of hell” who he says are attacking Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh.

“This is the biggest conflict between good and evil that we have seen in the last year,” Fischer declared. “This is big league spiritual warfare. This is major league spiritual warfare. This is Satan and the demons of hell coming against one man because he stands for what is right and stands for what is true. And all the forces of hell are arranged against him and we, ladies and gentlemen, have to stand in the gap for Brett Kavanaugh.”

“We say to Satan, ‘Satan, if you’re going to get to Brett Kavanaugh, you are going to have to go through us, because we are standing firm in the strength and the power of the Lord,'” he added. “There is a prize here, and that’s the placement of Brett Kavanaugh on the Supreme Court. That is what Satan does not want to see happen. He’s using every trick that he has in his arsenal to fight that, to keep that from happening. That is his holy grail right now, to stop Brett Kavanaugh from being seated on the Supreme Court because Brett Kavanaugh represents such a threat to his agenda: to use the Supreme Court to advance a regressive, backwards, anti-biblical, anti-Christian, anti-American point of view. He’s had control of the Supreme Court now in every meaningful way since the 1960s, he’s not going to let go of that without a fight.”

“We are the warriors that God has alerted and God has called us to stand in the gap for [Kavanaugh],” Fischer said. “Evil is pouring through this gap, targeted at Brett Kavanaugh; we’re there to stand in the gap and provide a wall of protection in the spirit for the demonic forces that are coming after him.”

Seriously if there’s no band starting tomorrow called “Satan & The Demons Of Hell”, I will have lost all faith in the internet! Getting back on topic though is it weird that they are going out of their way to justify accusations against Kavanaugh? And yeah he lost 80,000+ pages of documents but he managed to find the yearbook that proves his innocence! I mean come on!

Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh’s latest defense against two sexual misconduct allegations is that he was a virgin in high school and for “many years thereafter.”

Kavanaugh claimed he couldn’t have sexually assaulted anyone as a teenager because of his virginity in a Fox News interview on Monday. Dr. Christine Blasey Ford, who goes by Christine Blasey professionally, has accused him of attacking her at a party more than 35 years ago when they were both in high school.

“We’re talking about allegations of sexual assault. I have never sexually assaulted anyone,” the nominee told Fox News. “I did not have sexual intercourse, or anything close to sexual intercourse, in high school or many years thereafter.”

It should go without saying that virginity does not mean a person is not capable of drunkenly groping another person against her will.

Read more: https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/brett-kavanaugh-virgin-high-school_us_5ba96904e4b0375f8f9fcf9a

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[font size="8"]Donald Trump
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Let’s spin it to win it! Come on no whammy no whammy no whammy… stop! Clip without context!

Yeah you know what Lana? Let me know when white men start getting murdered in their cars in front of their families and then we’ll talk. Until then, shut the fuck up. Spin it again! And it lands on… wait for it… golf! Remember when Trump said that he wouldn’t have time for golf? Anyone remember that? It was before the election. When we had more important things to worry about.

Yes he doesn’t have time for golf! But apparently his golfing antics have got him in quite a bit of trouble lately.

A canoeing group filed a federal lawsuit against the Trump administration Thursday, claiming President Donald Trump's use of his golf course in Northern Virginia has led to illegal restrictions on the Potomac River.

The court filing by the Canoe Cruisers Association of Greater Washington seeks the U.S. District Court in Maryland to declare a Coast Guard rule that prevents use of the river that abuts Trump National Golf Club in Sterling, Virginia, unlawful. The "permanent security zone" is in effect when Trump is at his golf course, often on weekends and holidays when the river that separates Maryland and Virginia is the most active.

"It is unconscionable that public access to this important stretch of the Potomac, which serves as a training ground for generations of paddlers, is cast into doubt so the President can play golf at his whim," said Canoe Cruisers Association Chairman Barbara Brown said in a statement. "The Administration needs to listen to the hundreds of river users who opposed this rule, and establish with certainty a reasonable outcome that maintains access to this treasured natural resource while addressing the legitimate security considerations for the President."

Seriously, if I had a dollar for every time the Trump administration has been sued, well, I wouldn’t be rich, but I would definitely have a few more dollars than I previously did. It’s absolutely insane what Trump’s golf outings are doing to local communities – leaving a wanton path of destruction in their wake, yeah like a hurricane. And of course speaking of golf and hurricanes, guess what Trump was concerned with after Hurricane Florence hit?

President Trump headed down to Tarheel country on Wednesday because, in his own words, Hurricane Florence was “one of the wettest we’ve ever seen from the standpoint of water” and it “certainly is not good.” He’s correct. Homes across the state are flooded, and people have been displaced from them. Stores are closed. More than 30 deaths have been attributed to the storm. Roadways are blocked by water and debris, and the rivers are still on the rise. It certainly is not good.

He was received by Governor Roy Cooper at Cherry Point Marine Air Station in Havelock, an area hit hard by the hurricane. There was a lot of mutual appreciation between the president and the governor and the president and the president. The governor thanked him for his hands-on approach to hurricane relief and the good economy. The president thanked himself for the economy. He promised to be there “100 percent” for the state and praised the “talent” helping on the ground. “Unfortunately, the money will be a lot, but it’s going to come as fast as you need it,” he pledged.

Yeah well at least he didn’t say that his was bigger. So here’s some interesting stats on Trump’s golf outings. You want to know what the average golf cart rental is? Oh yes – he uses a golf cart!

President Donald Trump‘s frequent golf outings do not come cheap.

Trump’s domestic golf cart rentals alone have cost American taxpayers $300,675, TMZ reports, citing federal documents the outlet obtained. The Secret Service uses the golf carts to follow and protect Trump, 72.

Taxpayers have also shouldered the cost of Trump’s overseas golf games. In July, The Scotsman reported that Trump’s visit to Trump Turnberry — his Scottish resort where he squeezed in a round of golf during a two-night stay with son Eric Trump and White House staff — cost the U.S. State Department $68,800.

The president’s own clubs are charging the fees, leading to criticism that Trump is using the power of his office to profit personally.

Reached for comment about Trump’s Turnberry stay, George A. Sorial, the Trump Organization’s executive vice president and chief compliance counsel, said in a statement obtained by PEOPLE at the time that the Trump Organization didn’t profit from the stay.

$300,000???? Shit, you could buy a whole fleet of golf carts! Hell, for $25,000 you can buy this golf cart that looks like a Rolls Royce Phantom:

Even the most expensive golf cart that I found was $73,000 – a far cry from $300K. Or he could maybe, I don’t know, walk? He’s got these things called “legs”, he should try using them every once in a while, it might do him some good. And we all know that Trump *allegedly* cheats at his favorite hobby but now it’s actually going to be in print form!

Longtime sportswriter Rick Reilly has a new book set for release unlike anything he's written before.

Commander in Cheat: How Golf Explains Trump will be released in May, Hachette Books announced on Wednesday. The book is based off interviews with and observations from former playing partners and caddies of President Trump over the years.

Reilly gained national acclaim for his back page columns in Sports Illustrated in the early 2000's before moving to ESPN in 2008 to be a featured columnist and show host.

Reilly has written numerous books, including a handful about golf, such as 2003's Who's Your Caddy, where he details a round in which he caddied for Trump.

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[font size="8"]Alex Jones
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Spin that shit! Come on no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy stop! And it’s another clip without context!

Well he does look like he’s a walking heart attack waiting to happen. I mean his face is such an inhuman shade of red isn’t it? Let’s spin it again! Infowars. You know people it’s not in my nature to kick a man when he’s down but considering that Alex Jones has made a career out of kicking people when they’re down, then I’m pulling the gloves off, yo! I mean come on, this is the guy who called Parkland students “crisis actors”, continues to harass the Sandy Hook survivors, and repeatedly said that every mass shooting is a false flag. Yeah, fuck you, Alex! So what happened this week?

Online payment processing giant PayPal announced Friday that it will cut ties with conspiracy website Infowars, becoming the latest tech company to distance itself from controversial right-wing figure Alex Jones.

"We undertook an extensive review of the Infowars sites, and found instances that promoted hate and discriminatory intolerance against certain communities and religions that run counter to our core value of inclusion," PayPal said in a statement.

The action will affect "Infowars and its related websites," PayPal announced.

PayPal is the latest in a succession of businesses to part ways or limit Jones' influence. Others include: Twitter, Facebook, YouTube, Apple and Spotify.

An article published by Infowars labeled the move a "political ploy" ahead of the midterm elections.

Yeah thank you Paypal!!! But now Alex is hopping mad! I mean how’s a batshit crazy conservative rageaholic supposed to get his message out there? Why you turn to what they’ve all been doing and moving to untraceable electronic currency! And this is especially rich after Alex called Bitcoin “a Soros backdoor to a one world currency”. His words – look it up!

I’ve seen a lot of wild stuff happen in cryptocurrencies over the years, like when a guy mined Bitcoin with an NES or when some shitheel accidentally locked up $150 million of other people’s virtual money for good.

But last night’s InfoWars broadcast—the conspiracy-peddling, colloidal silver-hawking, Trump-loving talk show hosted by angry ripe tomato Alex Jones—may have been peak Bitcoin. A long-simmering debate (some called it a "civil war" between Bitcoin users and supporters of a forked coin called Bitcoin Cash spilled over into the realm of false flags and evil globalists in the weirdest way possible.

Jones hosted a segment that promised to get to the heart of, as Jones called it, a “globalist-directed civil war inside crypto.” To discuss this topic, Jones invited the man formerly known as “Bitcoin Jesus,” Roger Ver. I say formerly, because while Ver was an evangelist for Bitcoin in its early days, he’s now gone all-in on Bitcoin Cash. The acrimony between Bitcoin and Bitcoin Cash supporters is intense, and often ideological. Ver has felt the brunt of much of the online vitriol.

Jones rambled about trans cyborg conspiracies and other standard InfoWars fare before getting to his interview with Ver, in which Ver said that organized trolling campaigns are being organized against Bitcoin Cash. Jones said he could relate.

Yeah just… look at that article and don’t even try to comprehend how insane he is. But yeah he is completely insane. So Alex Jones once called crypto currency mining a globalist thread, but now he’s in on it! All it took was getting banned and going underground like you’re in a doomsday bunker!

PayPal’s decision to remove Jones hits him where it will probably hurt his business the most: his wallet.

Research by Columbia University’s Tow Center for Digital Journalism has found that Jones has been successful at turning his headlines into e-commerce revenue. Revenue could dry up without an online payment processor.

Last month, roughly 1.15 million visitors logged onto Jones’s online storefront, Infowarsstore.com, Jonathan Albright, the Tow Center’s research director, told The Post’s Craig Timberg in a recent interview. Of those, more than 60 percent went to PayPal after visiting his digital shop, implying that Jones is effective at converting visitors into paying customers.

Having learned of the impending ban, supporters of Infowars began urging the site to accept cryptocurrency such as bitcoin.

Maybe not too crazy there, Weird Al. Because really, think of it as an elaborate game of “whack a troll” – the more you try to ban Alex, the more likely he will end up in unsavory places. Yeah, just think about that image for a minute. You’re welcome. I mean the more you try to ban Alex Jones, the stronger he gets, right? WRONG!!!

After Silicon Valley internet giants mostly barred Alex Jones from their services last month, traffic to his Infowars website and app soared on the blaze of publicity — and the notorious conspiracy theorist declared victory.

“The more I’m persecuted, the stronger I get,” Mr. Jones said on his live internet broadcast three days later. “It backfired.”

Yet a review of traffic on Infowars several weeks after the bans shows that the tech companies drastically reduced Mr. Jones’s reach by cutting off his primary distribution channels: YouTube and Facebook.

In the three weeks before the Aug. 6 bans, Infowars had a daily average of nearly 1.4 million visits to its website and views of videos posted by its main YouTube and Facebook pages, according to a New York Times analysis of data from the web data firms Tubular Labs and SimilarWeb. In the three weeks afterward, its audience fell by roughly half, to about 715,000 site visits and video views, according to the analysis.

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[font size="8"]Taylor Gourmet
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Let’s give the wheel a good strong spin shall we? Oh hey look it lands on the guacamole option! Come on out here, Fernando! So everybody Fernando is of course our sous chef here at the Top 10 and of course like most good chefs in LA, we found Fernando working in the back of a Burger King and decided that his talents were better put to use here. So I’ve got this nice plate of carnitas, rice and beans in front of me and now Fernando is going to prepare my tableside guacamole. Here’s your $2 Fernando. Yeah look at that!

That’s Fernando everybody! Spin it again! And it lands on… food! So over the weekend last weekend there was quite a bit of controversy when Washington, DC based sandwich shop Taylor Gourmet announced that it was going to close all of its’ shops. So what happened? Many people could say it was due to declining sales but what exactly caused it?

Hopefully Taylor Gourmet fans had time to get one last hoagie this weekend after absorbing Friday’s shocking news from the Washingtonian that the sandwich chain planned to close all of its stores and file for Chapter 7 bankruptcy. It happened by Sunday (although PoPville readers noticed some stores closing early with hand-lettered signs taped to the door).

The Washington Post reports that Taylor Gourmet plans to file for bankruptcy protection this week per a source, with the sudden closures happening after private-equity firm KarpReilly (the brand’s majority owner) pulled out of the company. Meanwhile, Cava’s not the only D.C. restaurant chain hoping to scoop up Taylor Gourmet employees: the Washington City Paper names Capo Italian Deli, Bub and Pops, and Glen’s Garden Market as companies in the market for sandwich makers.

Update: There’s one Taylor Gourmet shop that’s still open (at the moment) but diners will need a boarding pass to get there. The location at Ronald Reagan Washington National Airport is serving subs and answering the phones right now.

Well that’s horrible because all those people are going to be suddenly without jobs. So why all the uncertainty surrounding this chain? What could have caused this? Well, if you read between the lines they paint an entirely different story!

Taylor Gourmet will close all 17 of its DC-area stores after Sunday, September 23. Friday is the last day for the hoagie chain’s two Chicago stores. The closures come as Connecticut-based private equity firm KarpReilly, which infused Taylor Gourmet with a reported $5.6 million investment in 2015, pulled out of the company. Owner Casey Patten declined to comment, but a spokesperson confirmed the news. Representatives for KarpReilly were not immediately available for comment.

Multiple sources familiar with the company tell Washingtonian that a Chapter 7 bankruptcy filing is imminent. Nothing has been filed yet, and a spokesperson declined to comment on a potential bankruptcy.

How did we get here? Taylor Gourmet’s official line is that its rapid expansion may have been too much, too fast. Patten told the Washington Business Journal last week that Taylor Gourmet stores were still profitable, but he was considering closing three locations. He blamed changes in the fast-casual world and increased competition driving up real estate prices. He said the problem was that some of the stores had more square footage than they needed.

However, three people familiar with the company say sales began to decline after owner Patten met with President Donald Trump at a small business roundtable at the White House in January 2017. Facing backlash and calls for boycotts, Patten told the Washington Post that he’s apolitical when it comes to business and pointed out he also participated in a roundtable discussion with President Barack Obama in 2012. The restaurant posted a “Less Politics, More Hoagies” sign at its Chinatown shop.

“Our sales dropped 40 percent the next day,” says one source who spoke on the condition of anonymity. “And it persisted and never really got any better.”

I'll take an Italian hoagie, with all the meats, no tomato or mayo, and can you hold my copy of the "Art Of The Deal" please? Yeah so the reason Taylor Gourmet is blaming its’ poor sales is because of the founder meeting with Trump. But don’t go making the comparison that he met with Obama too, I mean come on that’s not fair to Obama is it? But of course it doesn’t help that sales immediately declined a whopping 40% the day after.

Taylor Gourmet, a DC-based hoagie chain, will close all of its stores after the weekend and is expected to declare bankruptcy. There are 17 locations in DC, Maryland and Virginia.

A spokesperson confirmed the DC area closures after Sunday, Sept. 23 to Washingtonian. Taylor Gourmet's two remaining locations in Chicago close Friday, Sept. 21.

Owner Casey Patten told the Washington Business Journal last week that a few locations could close to focus on smaller-format stores. He cited the changing fast-casual dining industry and competition increasing real estate costs.

But sources also told Washingtonian sales began to suffer when Patten took part in a small business roundtable with President Trump last January. He had been in a similar roundtable with former President Obama in 2012.


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[font size="8"]Top 10 Investigates: Is Your Purchase History Safe?
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Let’s spin it to win it! And it lands on… Woohoo! I win 15,000. Of something. What that 15,000 is, we’re still not clear about. Let’s spin it again! Top 10 Investigates! It’s time to investigate beyond the headlines. This is Top 10 Investigates!

While you weren’t looking, your purchase history may have been stolen and sold on the black market by hackers and data thieves. Their target? Only some of the world’s biggest tech vendors like Newegg and Amazon. But to start with, they hacked a Canadian based former tech giant that recently ceased all operations. They’re called Netlink Computer (NCIX), they were based in Richmond, British Columbia and they had operations in California as well. And yes, this story is absolutely insane.

What happens to sensitive customer data when a large company that has collected it over many years suddenly goes bust?

It’s easy to assume that databases are wiped by diligent IT staff just before they turn off the lights and close the door for the last time. At the very least that data should have been encrypted.

It has now emerged that something entirely different and more troubling took place when Canadian computer and electronics retailer Netlink Computer Inc (NCIX) declared bankruptcy in December 2017.

According to Privacy Fly researcher Travis Doering, the company simply abandoned much of its equipment in a hurry, which he discovered when it was offered for sale on Craigslist this August.

After arranging a meeting with the seller to examine the hardware, it turned out to comprise 20 Dell PowerEdge and Supermicro servers, 300 desktop PCs, 109 hard drives, and another 400-500 drives that had been inside NCIX desktops or sent to it for repair.

Well there’s no kidding here. And this is an egregious example of what happens when companies don’t wipe their servers in the event that they go bust. If you’re not concerned yet, don’t go sounding the alarm, because really there’s no explaining this. Or why their servers wound up for sale on Craigslist with credit card numbers, serial numbers, and purchase history. Oh it’s about to get real.

A security researcher found data relating to 3,848,000 orders on one server

Servers and disk drives from dissolved computer company NCIX have been found for sale on US trading site Craigslist, with all customer, partner and employee data still recoverable.

Although it's unclear who's selling them, one seller said they were helping the landlord get rid of equipment left in their warehouse after the Canadian company went bust last year.

Bleeping Computer reported that security consultant Travis Doering decided to try and buy one of the servers to investigate into whether they were being sold with any data still on them. After seeing one for sale on Craigslist, he set about buying it and was successful.

The seller said he was offering an entire server farm on behalf of the landlord. He also had 300 desktop computers as well as the 18 DELL PowerEdge servers and two SuperMicro servers with StarWind iSCSI software.

Apparently, NCIX had failed to pay the property owner CAD150,000 in rent and so he was trying to recoup the costs by selling the equipment, without clearing it securely.

So this scandal is begging the question – how long should a company keep transaction data? And when should a company destroy their records? All of this is being unraveled with the NCIX data breach and it’s definitely one of the more insane things to happen to the internet. Especially since the company has gone long bust.

A security researcher has found customer and employee data belonging to one of Canada's biggest PC hardware retailers on servers put up for sale on Craigslist. The data, believed to go back as far as 15 years, belongs to NCIX, a PC retailer that filed for bankruptcy and closed shop in December 2017.

The massive privacy breach appears to have taken place after the retailer closed its stores last year and retired old servers and employee workstations.

It's unclear how these servers ended up advertised on Craigslist, but they did. Travis Doering of Privacy Fly discovered an ad for two servers in August.

During the course of a month, Doering met with the seller, an Asian man from Richmond, British Columbia, who introduced himself under the name of "Jeff."

Doering says he made it clear from the beginning that he was interested in acquiring data stored on these servers, put up for sale for CAD$1,500 (USD$1,150) each.

After several meetings, Doering says he discovered that the seller had access to many more NCIX servers and workstations then he initially advertised on Craigslist.

Jeff claimed to have gained access to NCIX's former hardware after the company failed to pay a CAD$150,000 (USD$115,000) bill for warehouse storage space and that he was helping the warehouse owner sell the equipment. None of this could be corroborated from any source.

Except that you might want to hold off on that one just yet. This is one of the more insane data breaches in the history of the internet. Servers with millions of credit card numbers and purchase history data don’t just wind up “missing” and then found on Craigslist. Or do they?

Privacy advocates are raising the alarm after data potentially belonging to thousands of Canadians allegedly made its way onto buy-and-sell website Craigslist.

The information was contained on servers and hard drives formerly owned by Vancouver-based computer retailer NCIX.

The company went bankrupt last December, and its inventory was auctioned off.

But while Able Auctions, which moved the hardware, said it believed it had all been wiped, a B.C. cybersecurity expert says otherwise.

Privacy Fly president Travis Doering said he was browsing Craigslist last month when he saw the server gear for sale.

But here’s the thing – if you’re going bankrupt – wipe your servers before you sell them because they could end up anywhere. Even on Craigslist and you don’t want your servers to end up on Craigslist, especially if they have decades of purchase history on them. And that will end really badly for you.

Canadian retailer NCIX filed for bankruptcy and closed 10 months ago. They were the premiere PC hardware retail store in Canada and even did a sizable business on the other side of the border. However, as Travis Doering of Privacy Fly found out, the company did not go quietly away without doing some damage to their customer’s security first.

Doering recounts meeting up with a Craigslist seller claiming to have NCIX’ Database servers for only $1500 CAD. This includes a Database Server from NCIX and a Database Reporting Server, allegedly legally obtained via Able Auctions. Prior to NCIX shutting down, their assets were sold off through this company.

Unwiped and Unencrypted

What is surprising however, is that after some probing, the seller divulged that the data on these servers were actually unwiped, and that he actually had three servers in his possession. Doering did his due diligence and followed up to verify. And sure enough, what he found was quite shocking.

Not only did the seller posses three unwiped servers from NCIX, he also had around “300 desktop computers from NCIX’s corporate offices and retails stores”. In fact, the seller turned out to have “18 DELL Poweredge servers, as well as at least two Supermicro server’s running StarWind iSCSI Software that NCIX had used to back up their hard disks.”

In addition, there where also the 109 hard drives which had been removed from servers before auction and one large pallet of 400-500 used hard drives from various manufacturers. Suggesting that he had direct access to these and not through the auction as the seller initially suggested.

There you have it. That’s it this week for Top 10 Investigates. Good day.

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[font size="8"]Holy Shit
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Let’s spin that shit! Come on no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy… stop! And hey it’s another clip without context!

Hey Liz, I hate to break it to you but conservatives *ARE* the degenerates here! I can guarantee that if Hillary were elected that we wouldn’t be having the discussion right now about whether or not Trump’s dick looks like a certain video game character! Thank you audience! Spin it again! Hey it’s time for Holy Shit!

Gather around, my fair brothers and sisters of New York City, it’s time to take a seat in the pew and pass the collection plate! For the Holy Church of the Top 10 has convened and it’s our weekly duty to remind you why the holiest among us are also the most full of:

My fair congregation, you know every year it is customary for my fellow religious zealots to gather and air out their grievances in a public venue. And every year of course we make fun of them for saying some of the most batshit crazy things possible. Hell, every week we do that! It’s kind of my job don’t you know!

In a somewhat unprecedented move, Vice President Mike Pence followed in President Donald Trump’s footsteps by attending the 2018 Values Voters Summit in Washington, DC. The annual evangelical event is spearheaded by anti-LGBTQ group Family Research Council (FRC).

According to the conference agenda, this year’s conference discussed “how gender ideology harms children.” Insert “conversion therapy” for “gender ideology.”

Human Rights Campaign Government Affairs Director David Stacy said, “Paul McHugh, Elizabeth Johnston and others peddling this sort of junk science are doing enormous harm to LGBTQ people and LGBTQ kids. The practice of ‘conversion therapy’ is abuse and can be life-threatening, which is why a growing number of states are banning it.”

Stacy added, “And the denigrating language they direct at LGBTQ people send a dangerous message – particularly to LGBTQ kids – about their equal dignity and worth.”

The Values Voters Summit is sponsored by the American Conservative Union, the NRA, and the FRC. The FRC has been designated a hate group by the Southern Poverty Law Center.

So if we extrapolate this, the Dark One – whose name shall not be named in my church – and his pasty faced sidekick are trying to dictate what is abuse, and abusers cannot do that. They’re just trying to change the language so they can continue to get away with human rights abuses. So, that said, can I get an amen? But that’s not what we’re here today to talk about! Now, that being said we are going to delving into some of the even crazier things said at the VVS this year! Like advocating for marriage equality is to spit in defiance at god’s face! Drama queen much?

The American Family Association’s Sandy Rios spoke at the Values Voter Summit this morning, where she expressed her disbelief that, in just 14 year, America went from realizing how desperately it needed God on 9/11 to shaking a “fist of defiance” in His face by striking down state bans on marriage equality in 2015.

Rios recounted how, just a few months after 9/11, she appeared on CNN in a debate with James Carville, who criticized Franklin Graham for declaring that Islam is “a very evil and wicked religion.” Rios said that when she told Carville that she agreed with Graham, Carville “just lost it” and “cursed G-D, right in my face.”

Within sixteen months of Carville “cursing God,” Rios said, the Supreme Court “made sodomy legal” with its Lawrence v. Texas ruling.

Oh but this isn’t even the most ridiculous thing that has even been said! Apparently America, under the Dark One, has ushered in a new golden age!

Speaking this morning at the annual Values Voter Summit, former Minnesota congresswoman and current “pastor to the United Nations” Michele Bachmann declared that God heard the prayers of conservative Christians in 2016 and, as a result, America has been living in “an unparalleled golden time” for two years under President Trump.

“Two years ago, I believe that the prayers that God’s people made to ask God for his provision were heard,” Bachmann said. “They were heard and granted and for two years, we have lived in an unparalleled golden time in the United States.”

“We are living in an unparalleled golden time,” she repeated. “We have a president who has made the most pro-life actions of any president ever. We have a president who has been the most pro-Israel president ever in the history of the United States of America. Our president has put the United States on a pathway of blessing … We have the most pro-religious liberty president in the history of the United States, ever!”

But here’s my favorite thing that was said. Did you know we are at war? Yes, my congregation, and I will say this in my best Samuel L. Jackson Avengers voice! We are at war!!!! I damn thee, Satan, do not let the DAYMON forces control us with their ungodly musings!! I damn you to hell I say!!!! Praise be unto the good LAWRD!!

Brigitte Gabriel, president of the anti-Muslim group ACT! for America, launched a fiery rant at today’s Values Voter Summit in Washington, D.C., during which she declared to the room of Religious Right activists: “We are at war.”

Gabriel has been promoting her recently released book and fundraising for her organization by boasting about her group’s ties to Secretary of State Mike Pompeo, who addressed Values Voters Summit today, and touting her group’s connections to the Trump administration. On its website, ACT for America states its mission as “keep[ing] America safe and secure.”

“America is being transformed before our very eyes. The flag that once flew on every street corner in the United States is now considered a hate symbol on college campuses. Athletes who used to stand up with tears of pride during the national anthem are now kneeling in protest,” Gabriel said, adding that this sentiment motivated her to write a book.

There you have it folks! They literally believe they are fighting a war right now! Hallelujah, and they are bringing DAYMONIC forces against us! Mass has ended, may you go in peace! That’s it this week for:

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[font size="8"]Explaining Jokes To Idiots: Sexy Handmaid’s Tale
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Let’s spin it to win it shall we? And It lands on… wait for it… Clip without context!

Damn that freedom! Damn your so called constitution with their laws and checks and balances. Damn it to hell, I say! Spin it again! And it’s time for Explaining Jokes To Idiots!

Yes it’s the segment where we in the comedy profession have to explain jokes to idiots that they missed, because they’re idiots. Case in point: Halloween is a time for humor and practical jokes. And of course for hot women to make any Halloween costume look hot. Yes it’s the time of year when we take a look at Halloween costumes, mainly women’s, and we ask ourselves “is it really necessary to have the sexy (insert costume here)?”. The answer always is yes, but this year one costume in particular seems to be drawing the ire of the PC police.

It turns out maybe oppression isn’t sexy after all.

Online retailer Yandy listed a "Brave Red Maiden" Halloween costume for nearly $65, referencing the garb women forced into surrogacy wear in Hulu's series "The Handmaid's Tale." The provocative rendition includes a red cape, mini dress and white bonnet.

"An upsetting dystopian future has emerged where women no longer have a say," the description reads. "However, we say be bold and speak your mind in this exclusive Brave Red Maiden costume."

The Halloween costume instantly sparked outraged across social media.

One Twitter user shared a screenshot of the costume and asked "why," sarcastically adding "nothing like a sexy rape victim for Halloween fun."

So here’s the thing – does this encapsulate the Handmaids’ Tale or does it miss the point of the series entirely? Everyone knows that the key to comedy is timing, and this was extremely well timed with everyone making references to the novel and series during the SCOTUS debates. But this is proof that you can make anything sexy! Like the New York Times anonymous op ed!

Lingerie company Yandy is selling a "Sexy Op-Ed Anonymous Costume," referencing the explosive New York Times column written by an unknown Trump administration staffer.

The $49.95 costume features disguise glasses with an attached nose and mustache, and a bodycon mini-dress with newspaper designs and a big red question mark.

The costume was discovered after Yandy removed a "Sexy Handmaid's Tale" look from the site.

The lingerie company that was criticized for selling a "Sexy Handmaid's Tale" costume is now offering a "Sexy Op-Ed Anonymous Costume," referring to the explosive New York Times column written by an unknown Trump administration staffer.

The costume, which Yandy is selling for $49.95, features disguise glasses with an attached nose and mustache, and a bodycon mini-dress with newspaper patterns and a big red question mark.

OK maybe you can’t make that sexy. But come on it’s not like we’re living in Saudi Arabia, where the sexiest thing they can show is bare toenails, and I’m sure there’s a fetish website for that. Hey, I know what time I live in! Let sexy costumes be sexy costumes! I would like to think we’re all adults here but then again I’m reminded of who our president is. Thank you audience! And this is also not the first extremely poor taste Halloween costume that Yandy has put out.

The costume company recently called out for its “sexy” Handmaid’s Tale costume is under fire once again.

Lingerie brand Yandy, which also sells Halloween costumes, has 43 outfits categorized on its website under “sexy Native American” and “sexy Indian” costumes. People on Twitter urged the brand this week to stop selling the costumes, calling them “disgusting,” “racist,” and “highly offensive.”

These calls came less than a week after Yandy announced that it was pulling the “sexy” Handmaid’s Tale costume — complete with the infamous red cape and white bonnet — from its site following similar backlash online. The company said in a statement that its “corporate ideology is rooted in female empowerment, and gender empowerment overall.”

Twitter users were quick to point out that Yandy removed a costume depicting fictional characters while continuing to sell “cultural” costumes that have been repeatedly criticized. Yandy has not publicly responded to the #CancelYandy hashtag, and the lingerie brand did not immediately respond to Yahoo’s request for comment. As of Monday morning, the costumes were still for sale online.

Sure you do Herbert. See, Yandy isn’t out to care about whatever cause you have, even though their executives have admitted that yes, some of their costumes are in extremely poor taste. They’re just like any corporation out to make the most profit they can doing what they do best. But that’s the whole point of Halloween! And the more horrible taste you have, the more likely you are to win that $500 costume contest! Which is why I’m inviting Yandy to sponsor my big Halloween costume bash in Nashville on October 31st at Zanies’. Tickets still available and dress up is encouraged! So come on, Yandy! My contact information is at the very end of this thing! You know that you want to! Thank you audience, I’ll take that! And besides if you really want to scare someone this year, I’ve got the perfect costume for you!

Breaking up can be messy. In the age of technology, some people choose to deal with it by "ghosting," the act of suddenly stopping communication and disappearing into a silent, unresponsive netherworld. That questionable behavior has now been immortalized in a Halloween costume.

The Womens Ghosted Costume is available through retailer Party City in the US. It's a white hooded polyester dress with a jagged hemline meant to evoke the look of a retro bed-sheet ghost outfit. The front is emblazoned with message bubbles of unanswered texts, including "???" and "R U OK!?"

"Eager texters will know not to bother you in this Ghosted Costume," the description reads.

There are at least a couple of weird things about this costume, even when you look past the debatable "sexy" Halloween trend. For starters, it's only geared toward women, which leaves us to wonder why men are being left out. Ghosting can go both ways.

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[font size="8"]Red Ice TV: How Is This Still A Thing
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Let’s give the wheel a good strong spin shall we? Come on no whammy no whammy no whammy no whammy… stop!!! Donald Trump!

If only, stadium banner. If only! Spin it again. Oh hey it’s time once again for:

Red Ice TV – how is this still a thing? With social media sites taking a stand and cracking down on hate content, one channel has managed to not only slip through the cracks, it continues to thrive and monetize. That channel is Red Ice – a Youtube channel by and for white nationalists. So while prominent media outlets for white supremacists like Identity Europa got the axe, others like Red Ice, still continue to exist.

The far-right white identitarian group Identity Evropa announced yesterday that its YouTube account had been suspended for “multiple or severe violations” of the site’s community guidelines on hate speech.

Identity Evropa describes its organization as “a fraternal organization for people of European heritage located in the United States that participates in community building and civic engagement.” Identity Evropa is part of a rebranded European identitarian movement driven inspired by prior generations of white supremacy. The Southern Poverty Law Center identifies Identity Evropa to be a white nationalist hate group. The group’s founder, Nathan Damigo, helped plan the 2017 Unite the Right event that brought neo-Nazis into the streets of Charlottesville, Virginia, and resulted in violence and the killing of counter-demonstrator Heather Heyer. In the United States, Identity Evropa has made headlines for quietly organized banner-drops and its recruitment of young adults into its rebranded version of the Western white supremacist movement.

Yesterday, the Twitter account associated with Identity Evropa posted that its YouTube account had been terminated. The group claimed, “This censorship is purely political—they want to silence us, but we’re not going anywhere!” On the page where the group used to host videos, a message reads, “This account has been terminated due to multiple or severe violations of YouTube’s policy prohibiting hate speech.”

Identity Evropa executive director Patrick Casey, who has recently picked up a job at the white nationalist web-based outlet Red Ice, said he was notified of the ban while he appeared on a podcast called “Revenge of the Cis” that features anti-Semitic and racist jokes presented under the guise of comedy. (That podcast is still available on YouTube. We have reached out to Google for clarification via email.)

Yes and Red Ice is one such Youtube channel where they continue to say some of the most racist shit imaginable and yet nothing happens to them. In fact if you want a sampling of the people who run the channel and the kind of quality racist content you can get, here’s who runs Red Ice.

YouTube shook up the far-right internet last month when it banned InfoWars chief Alex Jones from its platform, cutting the internet’s leading conspiracy theorist off from millions of viewers.

But YouTube’s crackdown on hate speech has mostly spared another, even more extreme channel that promotes hate: Sweden-based Red Ice TV.

Since it started as a conspiracy theory outlet in 2003, Red Ice grown into one of the racist alt-right’s leading voices on the internet, amassing nearly 230,000 followers on the site. But the channel remain on YouTube, with few restrictions on how YouTube users can find their videos in search or via recommendation algorithms.

Led by husband-and-wife team Henrik Palmgren and Lana Lokteff, Red Ice has become a gateway to other racist media, including neo-Nazi website The Daily Stormer.

YouTube kicked Jones off its platform for violating the site’s rules against hate speech, among other things, but Red Ice regularly promotes hate against immigrants and Jews, riling up its listeners with claims that white people are under facing extinction at hands of minority groups.

Yes so that happened. But if you want to get a peek at the kind of content you’ll see regularly on Red Ice TV, look no further than hosts Lana Lokteff and Lauren Rose.

Lana Lokteff, a host at the white supremacist web-based outlet Red Ice, made a video praising Fox News host Tucker Carlson for questioning whether diversity is a strength on his show, expanding that praise to argue that white men are discriminated against.

Lokteff is an unabashed “ethno-nationalist,” meaning that she advocates for immigration policies that would enforce a white supermajority in America and has declared that American “can never, ever, ever, be too white.”

In a video uploaded to Red Ice’s YouTube channel, Lokteff decries “forced multiculturalism,” a label she applies to changing attitudes about race relations in America, and dismisses evidence that shows that hiring a diverse group of workers can make companies more profitable. Lokteff argues, as she has before, that Europe was already contained diversity among its white majority because a variety of languages and cultural traditions existed among its white supermajority.

And yes that is most certainly true, especially in this case. There was also that time when Red Ice simply stopped giving a shit and went full 1488. And you never, ever go full 1488. There is simply no coming back from that.

A trio of YouTube personalities beloved by the racist alt-right discarded any attempts to hide their white nationalism, uploading a discussion yesterday in which they explicitly embraced “ethno-nationalism” and fretted that white people, the “founding stock” of America, are becoming a minority in the country.

Faith Goldy, a former Rebel Media reporter who has grown ever closer to the alt-right, joined Red Ice host Lana Lokteff and 4chan YouTube muse Lauren Rose in a video uploaded yesterday to deliver full-throated endorsements of ethno-nationalism, a movement that seeks to promote white supremacy in Western nations.

Which is probably true. Even Iowa representative Steve King – who is known to be horrifically racist at times, is a fan of Red Ice.

For the second time in three months, Rep. Steve King (R-Iowa) has promoted the views of a prominent white nationalist on Twitter.

In a tweet posted early Wednesday afternoon, King quote-tweeted Lana Lokteff, a host for the white nationalist media outfit Red Ice, which the Southern Poverty Law Center has designated a hate group.

In his tweet, King argued incorrectly that Nazis were part of a left-wing movement.

The word “Nazi,” King wrote, “is injected into Leftist talking points because the worn out & exhausted ‘racist’ is over used & applied to everyone who lacks melanin & who fail to virtue signal at the requisite frequency & decibels. But...Nazis were socialists & Leftists are socialists.”

Yes, boo indeed. But when asked to tone down the content of their videos, Red Ice played very loosely with Youtube’s terms of service agreement. Which involved them skirting around the rules but still manages to put out hate content and monetize off of it.


Red Ice’s successful YouTube account is key to the outlet’s success, according to Hankes. When YouTube “limited” a few Red Ice videos, a punishment that makes it impossible to monetize the videos and harder to find through recommendation algorithms ,Red Ice panicked, said Hankes.

“When they first started getting videos put in the limited state by YouTube, they were apoplectic,” Hankes said.

YouTube has belatedly cracked down on at least one other Red Ice video this week, albeit only after being pressured via a viral Twitter thread.

Yes they simply don’t use Youtube to promote. They just use another social media platform to promote the hate they spew on another social media platform. That’s enough to make you ask – Red Ice TV:

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[font size="8"]People Are Dumb
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Let’s give the wheel a good strong spin shall we? And it lands on… wait for it… ‘Merica!!!!


I love that one! Spin it again! And it lands on… Oh hey People Are Dumb! Hit it!

So I’m going to start with this story out of Edmonton, and you know how crazy people are getting right now but what if you were to decide suddenly that the world was going to end? Well that's exactly what one Jehovas' Witness worshipping couple did when their truck suddenly broke down on them!

It says the group believed that the Great Tribulation had happened and Nov. 6 was Armageddon. So they rushed off to find safety and save a neighbouring family.

“Four who were naked were changing but they had to leave right away because it was unsafe, so they left without clothes,” the document says.
Because the trunk didn’t latch shut, the man was able to climb out when the vehicle slowed. His daughter, after getting her hand slammed in the door of the SUV, was able to get out with her baby. A passing truck stopped to help the trio and they climbed inside.
Officers said the people in the SUV “displayed extreme strength.” Two were unaffected by pepper spray. The three adults were also shot with Tasers between two and four times before they relented, although one then slid under the vehicle and had to be dragged out with a strap.


Next up - we're going to Northeast Spain. Yeah so people don’t do this – if you drink or do drugs don’t get behind the wheel of a car. And if you’re going to do every drug in the book, definitely don’t get behind the wheel of a car. Well, that’s exactly what this guy from Spain did – he literally tested positive for every drug in the book.

A driver in northeastern Spain has tested positive for ‘every possible kind of drug’ after being pulled over by police on Saturday.

Police found high levels of cannabis, amphetamines/methamphetamine, cocaine, opiates; as well as alcohol, with a rate of 0,60 mg/l.

Local police told Euronews that a neighbour in the town of Carcastillo called the police saying that "several people were getting in a vehicle influenced by alcoholic beverages."

The driver was fined 1000 euros and had six points deducted from his driver's license for failing the alcohol test, and another 1000 euros and six points for failing the drugs test.

Next up we’re going to the town of Uranus, Missouri. Yes, I’m glad you can already see where this is headed! That’s my audience for you! So you know why your high school English teacher places an emphasis on proofreading? This is why!

A new weekly newspaper launching out of Uranus this week is causing a stink among onlookers and government officials in its immediate vicinity.

The newly minted Uranus Examiner, based in Pulaski County, Missouri, which is approximately 100 miles west of St. Louis near Fort Leonard Wood, will fill the gaping hole left in the local media landscape by the sudden closure of the Waynesville Daily Guide on Friday.

As reported by the rather appropriately call-lettered KY3 station in Springfield, Uranus Examiner managing editor Natalie Sanders announced the new publication and its eye-catching name Wednesday afternoon at a chamber of commerce luncheon. (Sanders previously held that same position at the Waynesville Daily Guide.)

Curiously, however, Sanders' remarks as aired by KY3 focused not on the chuckle-inducing "Uranus" part of the name, but rather the boring old "Examiner" part.

Read more: https://www.riverfronttimes.com/newsblog/2018/09/13/uranus-missouris-new-newspaper-is-the-uranus-examiner-huh-huh

Next up – we’re going to the city of Manassas, Virginia. OK people here’s the thing – there’s a time and a place for Youtube pranks. Maybe don’t destroy merchandise and inventory when you’re doing so because you could get arrested and that’s exactly what happened for this story out of Manassas, Virginia.

MANASSAS, Va. (SBG) — A man accused of rubbing produce on his buttocks at a grocery store in Northern Virginia was arrested Saturday.

The Manassas City Police Department said the suspect pulled his pants down, grabbed a nearby item and rubbed his buttocks with the produce at the Giant grocery store at 10100 Dumfries Road. A loss prevention employee relayed what they had seen to authorities and subsequently destroyed multiple pallets of produce.

Michael Dwayne Johnson, 27, of Manassas, told WJLA's Tim Barber in an exclusive interview that he never actually rubbed any produce on his bottom. He also says he never pulled down his pants. Johnson claims it was just a practical joke for a YouTube video.

Joke, or no joke, store employees felt forced to destroy several pallets of fruits and vegetables, so Johnson is charged with destruction of property and indecent exposure.

Johnson is hopeful prosecutors will realize the case is just a big misunderstanding. His next court appearance is in November.

Next up – we go to where else but America’s most penis shaped state of Florida because no edition of “People Are Dumb” would be complete without a visit to the Sunshine State would it? Well this story has everything – and some hardcore nudity on top of that!

Responding to a house fire last week, Niceville police officers and firefighters encountered an odd sight.

When firefighters got to the home around 5:30 p.m., they could see smoke coming from inside. A naked man opened the front door, said, “I’m sorry” and closed the door.

Police officers arrived shortly after to assist.

The man came to the door again, left it open and went back into the house.

According to the offense report from the Police Department, the man showed no signs of understanding the danger he was in. There were several things on fire inside the home, including some towels.

That one gets the mega facepalm! Finally this week for People Are Dumb – also sticking with the Sunshine State, this is probably one of the most Florida stories I’ve ever seen, and it involves a hearty dose of “Get off my lawn!”. And really – you just know the writer of this article was waiting to use the Texas Chainsaw Massacre reference. But really – don’t fuck with somebody that has a chainsaw.

You know a neighbors’ spat is no longer neighborly when chainsaws get involved.

That’s what happened in Pasco County when two men got into a dispute over the shrubs between their houses last week. It ended with one of them needing surgery to repair severed tendons in his hand, WFLA reported.

The man with the chainsaw was Gregory Landaker, 70, of Land O’ Lakes, who was cutting shrubs on the property line he shares with Jeffrey Zlocki.

When Zlocki noticed what was going on, he went out and hugged “his bushes,” according to the sheriff’s office report.

That apparently didn’t deter Landaker, who continued sawing away. The chainsaw struck Zlocki in his left hand, and he was taken to Tampa General Hospital.

It wasn’t quite the Texas Chainsaw Massacre, but blood definitely flowed.

That’s it this week for:

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[font size="8"]Deep State Diaries Episode 13: The US Army
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Ed. Note - we were originally going to take a tour of the Coast Guard this week but thanks to a mix up in the editing room, we were forced to reschedule that visit.

Let’s spin the wheel one final time this week! And it lands on… T-Shirt cannon!!! Everyone’s going to get the new Top 10 World Tour 2018 t-shirt! Spin it again! And hey it’s time for Deep State Diaries!

It’s time for episode 13 of Deep State Diaries. Yes we’re touring the 24 branches and services that make up the United States government. Everything from the FBI to the IRS to the Pentagon to the CIA to the DPW to the DVA to parks and recreation and all branches and services in between. Of course if you’re here you probably already know more about our government and how it works than your average Fox News loving Trump supporter does. So that’s what this segment is going to address. We are going to do a deep dive into all that makes the United States the United States. Because we here at the Top 10 love to educate as well as entertain. Because we care.

[font size="6"]The US Army[/font]

So now we come to the hear t and soul of the United States government. The US Army. Now just like last week, I want to reiterate the Top 10 policy that we will *NEVER* make fun of those on active duty or our veterans. You have our deepest respect. But we can make fun of situations cant we? Because that’s what America is all about, damn it! So what has the US Army been up to lately? Well let’s talk military funding, because you can never have rocket launchers or tanks too big.

The U.S. Army awarded Lockheed Martin (NYSE: LMT) a $289 million contract to produce High Mobility Artillery Rocket System (HIMARS) launchers and associated hardware.

The contract calls for the production of 24 HIMARS launchers and associated equipment by July 2022. Lockheed Martin has delivered nearly 500 launchers for the U.S. Army and international customers. The HIMARS vehicles will be produced from the ground up at Lockheed Martin's award-winning Camden, Ark., Precision Fires Center of Excellence.

HIMARS is a lightweight mobile launcher, transportable via C-130 and larger aircraft for rapid deployment, that fires Guided Multiple Launch Rocket System (GMLRS) rockets and Army Tactical Missile System (ATACMS) missiles. HIMARS consists of a launcher loader module and fire control system mounted on a five-ton truck chassis. A specialized armored cab provides additional protection to the three crew members that operate the system.

Lockheed Martin's effectiveness and reliability combined with performance, interoperability, joint coalition operations and the added value of joint munitions procurement make HIMARS a sound option for nations seeking effective precision fires option for missions.

Oh wait, we already used that one. But still… you know how it can take years to build something but seconds to destroy it? Such is the case with US Army helicopters.

John Adams famously proposed a "government of laws and not of men." Sometimes it seems as though what we actually ended up getting was a government of lawyers. The simplest decisions get bogged down in process -- even when lives are on the line, even when the likely outcome of the process in question is obvious to everybody who's paying attention.

The U.S. Army's latest effort to acquire new armed recon helicopters is a case in point. The Army has been seeking a new rotorcraft that can find and attack targets in contested air space for a long, long time. So long that the last of its legacy recon helicopters was retired last year. By that time, the venerable Kiowa scout had been in service for nearly half a century.

Having canceled three previous efforts to replace Kiowa, the Army has now launched a fourth attempt. It is called the Future Attack Reconnaissance Aircraft (FARA). Considering how much the Army and its contractors have learned from the previous attempts, this should be a snap. After all, it's just a scout helicopter. Yes, the requirements have changed over time -- for instance it needs to be able to jam enemy radar now -- but it is still basically a light, agile rotorcraft equipped with sensors and munitions for killing tactical targets.

Excuse me a minute… but while we’re on the subject of American defense spending, you know the mere concept of it is that we spend 10 times more on defense than the next 100 countries combined, and that’s just a conservative estimate. Just the act of buying armor for our troops is insane in this day and age.

An infantry unit will get Strykers, and a Stryker brigade will shift to tanks, part of the Pentagon's focus on great-power competition.

The U.S. Army will up-armor a pair of brigade combat teams over the next two years, the second and third such conversions as the Defense Department shifts its focus to the possibility of conflict with China and Russia.

Next spring, the 1st Brigade Combat Team of the 1st Armored Division, stationed at Fort Bliss, Texas, will begin to switch from a Stryker brigade combat team to an armored brigade combat team. The 2nd Brigade Combat Team of the 4th Infantry Division, based in Fort Carson, Colorado, will become a Stryker unit the following year.

“The Army leadership determined that we needed to convert two brigade combat teams to armor and Stryker in order to deter our near-peer adversaries or defeat them if required,” Maj. Gen. Brian J. Mennes, director of force management, said in a statement on Thursday.

But moving on… while the Army is in the air they are also, too, on the ground, and they need weapons and of course our tanks aren’t big enough. But it’s crazy what the US DOD does, and don’t worry, we will explore them in a future edition, even testing out new equipment is different when its’ in the Army. But you know what the future of Army communications is going to be? It’s in the palm of your hand – quite literally, I might add!

There's a debate going on in the U.S. Army about what the military service's next combat vehicle and rotorcraft should look like. When it comes to communicating on the battlefields of tomorrow, though, everybody in the Army seems to agree on what they would like.

It's an iPhone.

The smart phones made by Apple and competing Android brands offer everything that Army leaders would like in their future tactical communications architecture -- mobility, simplicity, versatility, reliability. Soldiers accustomed to using them want something better than the clunky, complicated "comms" gear that brigade combat teams lug around the world.

The Army has been trying to satisfy that need for two decades, ever since a program called the Joint Tactical Radio System (JTRS) kicked off in 1997. JTRS, or "Jitters" to those who follow these things, didn't work out. Nor did several of the other high-tech initiatives the Army pursued in an attempt to pierce the fog of war with digital technology.

[font size="6"]Score Card [/font]

Overall importance: A
How Things Are Going: A+
Likely hood To Survive: A+

Overall: A+

[font size="6"]Next Week [/font]

Continuing our journey deep within the Pentagon, our next stop on our military tour is going up in the sky as we check out the US Air Force!

[font size="8"]And Now This:[/font]
[font size="8”]Jack White[/font]

Ladies and gentlemen my next guest has a great new album called “Boarding House Reach”, you can see him live in Canada everywhere this November. Playing his song “Over And Over” give it up for the one, the only Jack White!

See you next week!


Host: Initech
Top 10 Conservative Idiots Recorded In Front Of Live Audience At: UCB Theater Franklin St, Hollywood, CA
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