So ...Here's my version of a Kavanaugh story... I was 15...
So what’s the best way to start? Introducing myself…
I too, experienced what could be called “party rape” I lost my virginity at 15, to a guy who was actually a year younger.
We went on this class trip to Washington DC, and I only knew a couple of his friends on the trip too, but I liked him.
(first red flag- 20=years later) We were making out in one of the rooms at our hotel, I got caught up as hormonal teens do…but tried to stop where it was going…thank goodness my¬¬ roommate and others came knocking at that moment… I was 15, full of weird urges and yet still trying to create my own boundaries. Yeah it was uncomfortable but I shrugged it off.
But we had a great time on the trip, his BF and mine were a couple so I enjoyed the time. We took pics, I fell asleep on him on the plane home…great. (but at home there is life and drama and his ex, etc. LOL it’s almost funny to think about it now!)
So….a couple weeks after the crew from the trip came home, one of our peeps had family go to a Hawaii vacay, so it was a “reunion” party…
I seem to recall her brother being the bartender, loving my OJ and whatever…then HE was there…
So there were about 6-8 people in the hot tub outside… as the evening drew on (about 20 mins) everyone cleared out and they even locked the patio door behind them…laughing and obvious, leaving me there with him…inebriated, yes, but that was what we were all doing, why did they go? OH…..oh….
I decided to just surrender and be thankful that I was drunk enough, it wouldn’t hurt, right?
>>>
That next week, I swear everyone knew, especially his GF, how was apparently NOT an ex. (This was before social media, this was ALL word of mouth, circa 1985) He was proud of his conquest, and went back to the GF who was always his….
I never went out of my way to speak it aloud
I never interfered with their relationship
I tried to move on
…and I pretended that it “didn’t count” because it was TAKEN, not GIVEN
And my BF in Junior year was who I thought was the one...and I gave it up to him, totally sober and in love (yeah, that lasted for what? 6 months? lol)
My real HS sweetheart was a couple men down the path of my “virginity”
He was the ONE on many levels and will always BE
But that’s not the issue.
My issue is that we have PUBLIC SHAMING of a woman who has been through the same thing.
I have told my story of the hot tub/date rapey nite to several friends (some who knew me even then) and even my kids…as a cautionary tale, as a lesson to NEVER be that way with another, etc.
Would I be willing to testify in Congress? Yeah….
Now know that I have moved on in so many ways, but I have also woven this reality into my personal dialogue of Self, and he is responsible on levels I never held him accountable to. While I have told the story, I have not made it about him, but me…
I maybe tried to look him up on FB a million years ago, but just to see if maybe he had been hit by some weird karma…nothing to write home about, he’s a parent, like me., blah, blah...never felt the need to look again) Maybe he will tell his kids that story, maybe he will have a similar interpretation….
BUT….
BUT…
IF this man were in a position to change the lives of thousands of people, namely Women…. I would also have to speak out.
I get it, it’s uncomfortable.
As much as we are a Nation of voyeurs, we cringe if it’s actually true, much less brutal…
But misogyny is a fact
These old, white, privileged men think its ok to victimize a woman for something that happened TO her 30+ years ago…why? Because they don’t care. They want their abortion ban and they want women to get “back in their place” and they want it to be okay to just take what you want… women, human beings (immigrants, children, etc.), everyone is less than them, so they feel the right to take it ALL...
Dignity, Respect, Honor
…these words used to mean something in life, in society, especially in Government.
Where are they now?
= new reply since forum marked as read
I have never uttered mine to anyone. Not my family, not my husband, not my best friend. And I don't know if I ever will.
But I will say this. I understand Dr. Ford's actions 100%.
After it happened, I blamed myself, and I was ashamed. I thought it was my fault for being drunk, for "flirting" too much, for wearing the wrong clothes, etc. But when I look back decades later, after learning a lot, I realize that the guy who did it knew exactly what he was doing. He was married, older than me, and set the whole thing up with a lot of forethought. It took a long time for me to realize I was a victim, and not complicit in his scheme. The truth is, I was so drunk I could barely speak, much less consent, but still I blamed myself.
We MUST, as a society, stop teaching our boys that women are there to be taken. And we must stop teaching our girls that being taken advantage of is the same as giving consent. How many women live with the "shame" of being raped because they believe it was their own fault? And how many men are alive in the world who believe that when a woman says "no" or struggles or yells, it's just a "game" that men are expected to "win"?
This has to stop. This fight to keep Kavanaugh off the SCOTUS is in so many ways, I believe, the fight of our lives.
