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Wed Sep 12, 2018, 05:01 PM

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #5-11: Pumped Up Fists Edition

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #5-11: Pumped Up Fists Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! What’s up San Jose??? Can I first start by saying congratulations to the Cleveland Browns!! Yeah woooooooooo!!!! They almost won a game! But they still managed to fuck up. Hey every sport needs a team like the Browns for everyone else to make fun of. OK, back on topic. Man we’ve had a great time being out on the road but it’s great to be back in California where it all started. Of course we’re up in the Bay Area right now but eventually we’ll be headed back home before going out on the road again, and I could have been more thrilled with the way this whole thing turned out. So in case you’re wondering where we’re going next we’re headed to Lexington (yes, there are liberals in Kentucky), Boston, Philly, Nashville, Denver, San Diego, and of course London! So let me ask you guys something – have we reached peak asshole? I mean we have one sitting in the Oval Office, and we might be appointing one to SCOTUS! But really, in the last two years, Americans have really let out their inner asshole, case in point – the NFL. Yeah we will get to that whole bullshit in a minute. Yeah you know let’s take a minute and point out the insanity of this truck seen in Pennsylvania. Let’s throw that tweet up there:

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Yeah let’s take a minute to embrace the sheer assholishness of this whole thing. Extremely poor grammar aside, the football being tied to a noose is the epitome of asshole. And the fact that he had to emphasize the word “STAND!!!!”, why couldn’t he just yell the whole phrase “STAND FOR THE ANTHEM!!!!”. Oh and by the way we can only guess where the owner of this truck was – he was probably at the bar yelling at the Steelers. Hey o! OK we have a lot of idiocy to get to this week, but first John Oliver is back and he discusses the ramifications of Florida’s voter ID laws:

Ed. Note – We are *NOT* going to be covering the horrible Botham Jean tragedy out of Dallas, making fun of that story would be beneath us, so we won’t try, and don’t ask us. Now back to the show!

Where do we begin this week? Well in the number one slot this week is of course the guy who is currently running the Greatest Shit Show On Earth – Donald J Trump (1) – is Donald Trump the worst boss ever? Oh yes he is, and we’ve got plenty of stories from the last week that prove it! In the second slot this week, is of course Florida senator Marco Rubio (2), and he got in a fight outside of the Kavanaugh hearings with Alex Jones, and well, it’s insane. At number 3 this week, since we were off last week, we really didn’t get to talk about Florida gubernatorial candidate Ron DeSantis (3) and is he really a racist? He says no, but really, all signs point to yes. At number 4 this week is Roy Moore (4), and if you think he’s going away after that strange election last year, no! he was interviewed on the Sascha Baron Cohen show “Who Is America” and he is not having any of it. Taking the number 5 slot this week is of course our weekly investigative piece “Top 10 Investigates” and this week, we’re going to investigate a seriously bizarre claim from Elon Musk about the heroes who rescued those kids from that cave in Thailand. Just… how… who… what… why??? We’ll answer all those questions and more! At number 6 this week is of course our weekly visit to the Holy Church Of The Top 10 in “Holy Shit” and this week our resident pastor is going to tell you why religious people love Kavanaugh and recap the Dark One’s “Evangelical Night” at the White House. In the number 7 slot this week we have a new installment of “Beating A Dead Horse” and this week we’re going to take a look at Trump fan boycotts. So what happens when Nike hires former NFL superstar Colin Kaepernick as the face of their latest ad campaign? They respond in the only way that Trump fans know how: destroying property! At the number 8 slot this week we’ve got a new feature that we’re going to debut called “We’re All Gonna Die” and let’s face it, we all will at some point, but there are things that seem to speed up the inevitable and last week we had one such incident. In the number 9 (NEIN!!!) slot we’ve got a brand new installment of “People Are Dumb” because, whew, people are dumb! Finally this week we’ve got the next installment of our ongoing series Deep State Diaries and since we could not do last week’s show, we are carrying this one over – and this week get your paint brushes, musical instruments, and scripts out as we explore the National Endowment For The Arts! And to close out, a little band from upstate New York that I like to call Coheed & Cambria. Yay!!!!! Oh the kids love Coheed don’t they? Well let’s get to it! Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

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[font size="8"]Donald Trump
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In this part of the Top 10, we will ask the question “Is Donald J. Trump the worst boss of all time?” and we answer you: probably. Definitely in the horrible boss hall of fame for sure. In fact Trump is such a sociopath that it’s almost impossible to pick where to start this week. All you need to know is that he’s running the Greatest Shit Show On Earth currently. I mean come on he can’t even say the word “anonymous”!

But you know what? Since yesterday was the anniversary of 9/11, we’re going to tell you exactly what Trump thought when he woke up yesterday, and this is of course assuming he gets any sleep at all.

On the 17th anniversary of the deadliest act of domestic terrorism in American history and with a monster hurricane bearing down on the East Coast, the President of the United States woke up on Tuesday morning and tweeted this:

"'We have found nothing to show collusion between President Trump & Russia, absolutely zero, but every day we get more documentation showing collusion between the FBI & DOJ, the Hillary campaign, foreign spies & Russians, incredible.' @SaraCarterDC @LouDobbs"

That was one of three tweets Trump sent early Tuesday morning in which he quoted from guests or anchors on either Fox Business channel (that's where Dobbs' show runs) or Fox News channel. Trump also quoted Dobbs maligning the Justice Department and did some bashing of the department himself by insisting more should be done about the text messages sent between former FBI employees Peter Strzok and and Lisa Page.

Trump did send a few tweets referencing the 9/11 anniversary -- although they were decidedly self-referential.

First, he retweeted a post by White House aide Dan Scavino noting that Trump had signed a proclamation designation today "Patriot Day" and adding "#NeverForget #September11th."

That’s right! He chose to remember one of the worst days in American history by reminding people of the “rigged witch hunt” and somehow declaring this to be “Patriot Day”. You know don’t we already have a Patriot Day? I believe it’s called “July 4th”? Yeah thank you audience! And in case you’re still wondering what a malignant narcissist Donald J. Trump is, just check out these pictures taken yesterday:

See, this is why Trump doesn’t get invited to funerals or state functions. Remember that Foster The People hit from a few years back called “Pumped Up Kicks”? Maybe they could rewrite it to “Pumped Up Fists”. So how is Donald J. Trump the worst boss ever? Well let us count the ways!

Staffers in the Trump White House largely find themselves estranged from the Washington, D.C. social scene.

No one will date them, and some restaurants won’t serve them.

The primary safe space for thirsty young Trumpers has been the hotel bar at the Trump Organization’s hotel inside the Old Post Office building at 1110 Pennsylvania Avenue, a few blocks from the White House.

Residents of the District of Columbia filed a complaint challenging President Donald Trump’s liquor license based on his “bad character,” reports Huffington Post.

Like a lot of states, Washington’s Alcoholic Beverage Control Board has provisions requiring that licensees not be criminals. A citizen complaint goes over the many things Trump has credibly been accused of, pointing to “Mr. Trump’s lack of good character.” The complaint points out that Trump has been accused of sexual assault and paid $25 million to settle claims of fraud against Trump University.


That’s right! Trump is such a horrible boss that his employees cant even go out and drink in public anymore! And believe me, if I worked for the Trump administration, I would be drinking a lot too, and I do mean a lot! By the way I do love this Trump tweet from last week, can we throw that up there?

You know, Donny, I’m no expert, but I’m pretty sure that a “fine tuned machine” wouldn’t have this many indictments and firings. Bad spark plugs! You’re fired! Get out of my car! So Trump is a horrible boss and the only thing he loves is his ass getting kissed. But what I really want to talk about is the New York Times Op Ed, which is driving him batshit fucking crazy.

Since Wednesday afternoon, when the New York Times published an incendiary op-ed by an anonymous senior Trump administration official—one in which the author admits to “working diligently from within to frustrate parts of [the president’s] agenda and his worst inclinations”—the White House has been in a panicked hunt for its author.

The op-ed could scarcely have come at a worse time for the White House, where hackles were already raised over the contents of Bob Woodward’s newest book, Fear, which paints a portrait of an unstable president out of his intellectual depth and surrounded to some degree by aides who have to work day and night to prevent him from engaging in reckless and destructive behavior.

In order to track down the members of what the Times op-ed termed the “steady state”—that is, senior aides who keep in check a president they view as erratic but whom they are enabling in order to achieve their own policy objectives—Senator Rand Paul recently raised the prospect of subjecting everyone in the White House who holds a security clearance to a polygraph examination in order to root out leakers—even those who share unclassified information.


And you know how this must be driving Trump crazy? Because it’s getting more views than anything he’s done lately! So… where’s Nelson when you need him?

The anonymous New York Times op-ed that has dominated the conversation in Washington since being published Wednesday has already become one of the most-read pages on the Times' website this year, bringing in over 10 million views, according to CNN's Reliable Sources.

The bottom line: We still don't know who wrote it, but officials were quick to put their names in the "not me" column. According to Axios' Mike Allen and Jonathan Swan, Trump was made increasingly paranoid about those around him by the op-ed, and he's on a hunt to learn who's behind it.

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[font size="8"]Marco Rubio
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Conservatives often tend to be hateful dicks, not just on social media, but also in real life. In fact we pointed this out back in ( Idiots #5-2 about how conservatives are also afraid of getting banned for voicing their opinions of being hateful dicks. And this is 2018 for you – Trump is apparently afraid of this also, which is why he invited his favorite ass kissers Diamond and Silk to the White House and immortalized them in one of his infamous tweets.

Trump's tweets also come amid more general concern among some conservatives about perceived bias on the part of social media and tech companies.

In April, Republican lawmakers questioned Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg about the internet-famous pro-Trump duo Diamond and Silk. The pair had accused the social network of using algorithms and other methods to suppress their Facebook page. The company said site-wide changes that affected all users were responsible for any dip in traffic to the duo's page.

In May, the Trump campaign and the Republican National Committee sent a letter to Zuckerberg and to Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey that said the companies "operate in liberal corporate cultures" but that "rampant political bias is inappropriate for a widely used public forum." And in July, Trump accused Twitter of "shadow banning" leading Republicans, or limiting their visibility in its search results. Twitter said the search blip was the result of a programming bug.

On Friday, Dorsey admitted Twitter's culture comes down on the left side of the political spectrum, but he said that didn't affect the way the company oversees its website.

Now if you’re trying to land a squeaky clean image, don’t look to Alex Jones, who was at the hearings and not only wasting the time of the Senate Intelligence Committee, he really showed Twitter founder Jack Dorsey and Marco Rubio who he really was.

Senator Marco Rubio engaged in a heated exchange with conservative conspiracy theorist Alex Jones during a press conference outside a Senate hearing on Wednesday.

During an interview with a group of reporters, Jones interrupted Rubio, calling him a “frat boy” and “a little gangster thug,” after Rubio tried to brush off his comments about social media platforms’ “purge of conservatives.” Jones continued to heckle the senator throughout the interview until the confrontation escalated when he touched Rubio’s shoulder.

“Hey, don’t touch me again, man. I’m asking you not to touch me again,” Rubio said.

“Well, sure, I just patted you nicely,” Jones responded before asking if the senator was going to have him arrested.

“I don’t know who you are. You’re not gonna get arrested, man. You’re not gonna get arrested. I’ll take care of it myself,” Rubio said.

We can only imagine it was like that! So what was being said during that little scuffle? Well, a whole lot of shit was being flung as you can imagine in the typical way that monkeys would fling their feces at each other.

Conspiracy theorist Alex Jones unloaded on Sen. Marco Rubio, calling him a “frat boy” as he ranted and raved his way through the halls of Congress Wednesday ahead of Senate hearings on social media.

Jones, a flame-throwing, right-wing radio host who has been banned from several social media platforms for spreading hate speech, crashed a Rubio interview and berated the Florida Republican.

Jones mocked the lawmaker’s laugh after Rubio said he didn’t know who Jones was before the back-and-forth quickly escalated.

“I don’t know who you are, man,” Rubio said as Jones repeatedly interrupted him.

When Jones reached out to touch Rubio’s shoulder, the senator warned him to stop.

“I don’t know who you are, man,” Rubio said. “I don’t really go on your website.”

“That’s why you didn’t get elected. You’re a snake,” Jones responded, touching the senator’s shoulder to keep his attention. “Marco Rubio the snake. A little frat boy here.”

Yeah go Randy go! So Rubio is the frat boy here? And he’s also a snake? Jones must be ingesting too many of his own lead filled products again. And guess what the immediate result was? He got banned for life from Twitter. Again, cue Nelson! Ha ha!

Twitter has permanently banned the accounts of right-wing conspiracy theorist and radio host Alex Jones and InfoWars for violating the company's abusive behavior policies, the company said Thursday.

The ban appears to be related to a heated exchange between Jones and a CNN reporter Wednesday, which Jones live-streamed on the Twitter-owned video service Periscope. Jones ranted at the reporter, as well as Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey, following back-to-back congressional hearings where Dorsey addressed online election interference, as well as accusations of political bias and conservative censorship on the platform.

"We took this action based on new reports of Tweets and videos posted yesterday that violate our abusive behavior policy, in addition to the accounts' past violations," the company said in a series of tweets. "We wanted to be open about this action given the broad interest in this case."

But he’s not going away! Alex is getting nuttier and nuttier by the day and I think he might have been ingesting too many of his own lead filled products.

Alex Jones, the shock-jock conspiracy theorist radio host who has been banned from just about every social media platform, pleaded with his viewers for their support, warning that “the minute you don’t stand up for me” will be when communist Chinese and globalist forces will shut down mainstream conservative thought and “take the president out.”

During yesterday’s Infowars broadcast, Jones focused almost exclusively on the fact that he no longer has access to most of the world’s major social media platforms, a privilege he lost after years of using his prior access to repeatedly use violent rhetoric, smear the victims of mass tragedies, and spew hateful claims about racial minorities and LGBTQ people. Most recently, Jones was banned from Twitter, which was widely seen as his last source of access to the mainstream.

Naturally, Jones warned that his removal from Twitter was the first step in a massive false-flag operation.

“I know when I see a PR-rollout so that everybody, when they have the mass shooting or the bombing and its blamed on an Alex Jones fan and a Trump supporter, everyone would have already heard that I’ve been pre-demonized, so no one will want to stand up for me and people will say, ‘Well, I guess we’ve got to take his website down itself and take him off the air,’” Jones said.

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[font size="8"]Ron DeSantis
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Hey San Jose, we’re going to play a new game!

You know… you know republicans can’t seem to get a grasp on what is racist or not. And since Trump got elected, they can’t help themselves being racist. It’s almost like a sixth sense but just for those who vote for Trump and identify as republican. There’s touch, smell, sight, hearing, taste, and most people generally have a switch that tells them “hey, don’t be an asshole!”. These guys have that switched off – permanently! But then of course there is America’s favorite penis-shaped state, Florida which outdoes the rest of the country at crazy on an astronomical scale. Which is how they elected Ron DeSantis – who might be Florida’s next governor!

Rep. Ron DeSantis is resigning from his seat in Congress to focus on his race for Florida governor, his campaign confirmed Monday.

DeSantis is a three-term member of Congress representing the 6th District, a coastal seat just south of Jacksonville. He defeated Agriculture Commissioner Adam Putnam in the GOP gubernatorial primary two weeks ago, and is now running against Democrat Andrew Gillum in the general election.

In his resignation letter to Speaker Paul Ryan, he said he did not want to continue getting a salary because he will “likely miss the vast majority of our remaining session days.”

The resignation was retroactive and effective Sept. 1, his campaign said.

Read more: https://www.politico.com/story/2018/09/10/ron-desantis-resigns-congress-813612

That’s right – Florida Man might become Florida Governor! Of course you could say that Rick Scott already is Florida Man, but Ron DeSantis takes it up a notch! You might be asking what does this have to do with racism? Well, that is a good question and I answer you with this!

On social media on Thursday, liberal groups and activists said that Congressman Ron DeSantis, the Republican nominee for Florida governor, was moderating a massive Facebook group with racist posts and conspiracy theories.

DeSantis' membership in the group was first noted by American Ledger, which is run by the liberal group American Bridge.

"It appears @RonDeSantisFL was moderating hate group on FB that regularly attacked on race and attacked Parkland survivors," tweeted Fred Guttenburg, whose daughter, Jaime, was killed in the Parkland shooting, and has since become a prominent gun control advocate. "If true this is bad."

DeSantis denied through a spokesman on Thursday that he ever led the group or even knew he had been added to it. He "immediately" left it when notified of the controversy, the spokesman said.

With close to 95,000 members, the Tea Party Facebook group racks up new posts by the minute, many of them offensive and featuring articles from far right websites.

Now before you boo, let’s ask the question “IS IT RACIST???”. Um… fucking a yes it is! And with 95,000 members just what kind of shit was getting posted on that board that they needed to have 52 active moderators monitoring the group at all times? That's a lot of racist memes! And I’m sure by now you’ve heard his infamous comment directed at Democratic candidate Andrew Gillium, so here it is for people who need a refresher:

Florida Republican gubernatorial candidate Ron DeSantis is being criticized after saying that his Democratic opponent, Andrew Gillum, would “monkey this up.” If elected, Gillum would be Florida’s first black governor.

Ron DeSantis appeared on Fox News Channel’s America’s Newsroom Wednesday morning following Gillum’s unexpected primary victory. He called the Tallahasee mayor charismatic, but said he is too far to the left. Gillum ran on several progressive policies, including gun reform, LGBTQ rights and universal healthcare.

“The last thing we need to do is to monkey this up by trying to embrace a socialist agenda with huge tax increases and bankrupting the state,” DeSantis said. “That’s not going to work, that’s not going to be good for Florida.” he added.

Some observers saw DeSantis’ use of the term “monkey this up” as a racist insult.

“It’s disgusting that Ron DeSantis is launching his general election campaign with racist dog whistles,” said Terrie Rizzo, head of the Florida Democratic Party.

Yeah that’s the perfect graphic for this story. Now you can boo! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! So what was the apology then? Why guess what! It’s even more racist than the initial statement was!

Florida gubernatorial candidate Rep. Ron DeSantis (R-Fla.) on Wednesday defended his comments telling Florida voters not to "monkey this up" by voting for his Democratic opponent Andrew Gillum, after receiving sharp blowback from critics who called the remarks racist.

“It has zero to do with race, Sean, it has everything to do with whether we want Florida to continue to go in a good direction building off the success, or do we want to turn to left-wing socialist policies which will absolutely devastate our state,” he said on Fox News’s “Hannity” Wednesday night.

“So this is not about race, this is about ideas and principles, and I’m not going to let the Democrats and Andrew Gillum try to obscure a debate about whether his tax increases, his single-payer health-care plan, his desire to abolish [Immigration and Customs Enforcement], whether that is something that’s acceptable to Florida. I don’t think it is, and I don’t care what color you are,” he added.

DeSantis made the comments earlier on Wednesday about his opponent, who would be the first black governor of Florida, if elected.

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[font size="8"]Roy Moore
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Sigh………………… seriously, Roy, just go away. You lost to Doug Jones back during that batshit crazy election last December that left us all exhausted when you were done. But you continue to exist and you continue to shoot yourself in the foot. His latest flap? Well, he appeared on Sacha Baron Cohen’s show “Who Is America” and was made to look like the total horse’s ass that he is. Well you know what? Let’s show the tape.

Yeah that was funny. I love Sacha Cohen and have been a huge fan of his since the early Ali G days, yes, I still have the first Ali G season on DVD. But here’s what is not funny.

Failed Republican US Senate candidate Roy Moore has filed a multimillion dollar lawsuit against comedian Sacha Baron Cohen after he fell for a prank on the actor's TV show months after his campaign ended.

The Alabama politician appeared on July 29 on the actor's controversial Showtime series, "Who is America?"

On the satirical program, Cohen spins off a concept he originated with "Da Ali G Show" by appearing as characters in interview segments and skits with subjects who are not in on the joke.

Moore was interviewed by Cohen, who pretended to be an Israeli anti-terrorism expert who had a "pedophile detector." During the episode, the device -- which looks like a hand-held metal detector -- was shown beeping near Moore, implying that he was a pedophile.

Holy shit!!! $95 million??? Uh, Roy, you’re not implying you are a pedophile! You are a pedophile! I mean if you want to see how batshit crazy Roy is, Mr. Cohen is not the first person he’s sued for defamation. You want to know the number of people he’s sued over last year’s insane election? Well how much time ya got?

Former Alabama GOP Senate candidate Roy Moore has dropped his lawsuit accusing a number of groups and individuals of defaming him with campaign ads against him.

Moore’s attorney filed a motion Friday to dismiss the July lawsuit, according to AL.com, but did not provide details as to why Moore was seeking to drop the case.

Moore and his wife, Kayla Moore, filed the lawsuit in July, claiming that a number of “misleading” commercials cost him the open U.S. Senate seat in Alabama.

The commercials in question targeted Moore over the numerous allegations of sexual misconduct against him that arose in the last weeks of the Alabama Senate campaign, which he ultimately lost to Democrat Doug Jones.

But that’s not the only bad court thingy that Roy has going against him! If you remember that he sued his accusers in court, and guess what? That got dropped!

Instead of filing a lawsuit, former Alabama Chief Justice Roy Moore is dropping one.

Moore's attorney filed a motion on Friday morning seeking to dismiss a lawsuit brought in July by the former U.S. Senate candidate against several people and political action committees related to the final weeks of the Senate campaign.

That's when Moore was fighting accusations of making unwanted sexual or romantic overtures from women when they were in their teens and he was in his 30s.

Moore has repeatedly denied the accusations in public statements and court filings.

Moore is involved in four other lawsuits connected to the Senate campaign - three of which he has filed himself.

So maybe Mr. Cohen doesn’t need to worry because that suit will get dropped. But the ones going against Mr. Moore’s favor are still standing!

A defamation lawsuit filed against Roy Moore by one of his accusers will remain in Montgomery County, the Alabama Supreme Court ruled Friday.

Moore and the campaign for his failed U.S. Senate run had wanted the lawsuit Leigh Corfman filed against them moved to Etowah County on the grounds that both Moore and Corfman live there, and because Corfman alleged that abuse happened there.

During Moore’s campaign for U.S. Senate in 2017, the Washington Post published an article in which Corfman said Moore abused her in 1979, when she was 14 and he was a 32-year-old assistant district attorney for Etowah County. She was one of several people who alleged that they had improper interactions with Moore around that time.

Moore denied the allegations. He lost the election to Democrat Doug Jones.

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[font size="8"]Top 10 Investigates: Elon Musk Vs Cave Rescuers
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San Jose it’s time to investigate beyond the headlines. This is Top 10 Investigates!

In 2018 we have had a lot of crazy incidents but none was more horrifying than when a group of children and adults were trapped in a cave in Thailand. While the group was rescued without incident, it drew people from all over the world who offered to help. Everyone from the US Marine Corps to the Tesla Motor Corporation offered to help rescue the trapped. Unfortunately it’s the latter that is still causing problems over why his solution wasn’t the chosen one, even though it could have spelled a potential disaster:

The British caver who masterminded the rescue of 12 boys trapped in Thailand is to take legal action over Elon Musk’s latest slur that he is a “child rapist”.

Vernon Unsworth told The Times the billionaire’s allegations he had a child bride and had moved to an area notorious for child sex trafficking were “100 per cent” untrue and “very hurtful”.

The financial broker from St Albans, Hertfordshire, is preparing to start legal action imminently against the tycoon.

He is considering using the courts in Thailand, which could lead to Mr Musk receiving a jail sentence. Libel can be a criminal offence in the country and can result in a lengthy prison term.

Mr Unsworth is also considering defamation proceedings in London and the United…

Yes this is 2018 here, Elon, this is when things like Pizzagate and Qanon have hit the spotlight and got child rape and pedophilia in the news. By calling this man a pedophile, you are downplaying the horrible nature of these crimes. But he won’t shut up about this and in fact is doubling down:

Elon Musk has escalated his baseless attacks against a British diver, claiming without evidence that the man who helped rescue children from a cave in Thailand was a “child rapist” in an email to a reporter.

The embattled Tesla CEO faced widespread backlash in July when he first called the diver Vernon Unsworth a “pedo” in a tweet – an unfounded claim against a man who was part of the international team that freed 12 young footballers and their coach from the Tham Luang cave complex. Musk, who had unsuccessfully attempted to assist the rescue mission, eventually apologized to Unsworth.

On Tuesday, however, BuzzFeed published two new emails from Musk, in which he called a journalist who has written about the dispute a “fucking asshole” and he launched new extraordinary claims against Unsworth, without providing documentation to support the allegations.

Musk called Unsworth a “single white guy from England who’s been traveling to or living in Thailand for 30 to 40 years”, alleging that he had moved to Chiang Rai “for a child bride who was about 12 years old at the time”. He asserted that the city was “renowned for child sex-trafficking”.

Yes, this whole story is a giant pile of suck. Does Elon *WANT* to get sued? And in case you are wondering what Elon Musk is smoking, well, he must be either smoking some really good shit, or some really horrible shit.

Tesla shares fell more than 6 percent on Friday, after top executives resigned and CEO Elon Musk appeared to smoke pot in a video.

It wouldn't be the first time that investors were rattled by Musk's unconventional ways, sending stocks haywire.

Musk, 47, appeared on The Joe Rogan Experience on Thursday night. Over 2 1/2 hours, Musk discussed technology, unsheathed a sword and accepted what Rogan, a stand-up comedian, described as marijuana inside of tobacco.

"You probably can't because of stockholders, right?" Rogan said.

"I mean it's legal, right?" Musk said before smoking the joint. They were sitting inside a studio in California, where medical and recreational marijuana use is indeed legal.

Apparently, he did want to get high, and he got high on the Joe Rogan show. Which means he must have been smoking something when he launched those attacks against Mr. Unsworth. By the way he must have been violating his own company’s code of ethics, right?

Elon Musk may have violated his company’s code of business conduct and ethics after he was captured smoking marijuana with podcast extraordinary Joe Rogan on Thursday, a report stated.

CNBC reported the Tesla CEO's public puffing could hurt his professional career.

"Tesla also asks that you do your part by following safety and health rules and practices and reporting (either openly or confidentially) accidents or any unsafe equipment, behavior (such as use of illegal drugs) or conditions to your manager, supervisor, Human Resources or the Legal Department," the company's code of business conduct and ethics states. "Violence and threatening behavior are not permitted, and under no circumstances should you bring a weapon to work. Employees should report to work without being under the influence of illegal drugs or alcohol. The use of illegal drugs in the workplace will not be tolerated."

In California, where the podcast was filmed, recreational marijuana use is legal. However, recreational use across the U.S. is illegal. CNBC pointed out people could argue Musk was "under the influence" while at work because he was representing the company in the interview.

So Elon might want to calm down after this latest string of incidents because not only is he costing Tesla money, he could forever jeopardize the future of Space X, and eventually any further space exploration:

News of Elon Musk’s infamous drag from a joint containing tobacco and marijuana has made it all the way to the Air Force.

The incident, which occurred during a live broadcast of a podcast recording with the comedian Joe Rogan, has already caused Tesla stocks to plummet in the latest in a spate of recent events that have raised questions about Musk’s health and his ability to lead his multiple companies. But Musk’s latest escapade could have effects beyond the bottom line.

SpaceX, another Musk project, has access to privileged information—such as where U.S. government satellites are—in its capacity as a federal contractor, and the Air Force is now faced with the question of what to do about Musk’s public smoking of marijuana, which is legal in California but not federally—and particularly not for people in the military or who have security clearance. Initial reports indicated the Air Force had opened an investigation into Musk, but an Air Force official later told The Verge that the military still wasn’t sure how to handle the situation.

There you have it, it’s almost as if Mr. Musk wants to get sued for his insane antics. This has been it for Top 10 Investigates. Good day.

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[font size="8"]Holy Shit
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Gather around my fair brothers and sisters of San Jose! It’s time to take a seat in the pew and pass the collection plate, for the Holy Church Of The Top 10 has convened and it’s time to remind you that the holiest among us are the most full of:

My fair congregation, you know we were off last week so my sermon unfortunately so I did not get to comment on this. You know we have a few rules here at the Holy Church Of The Top 10 and while you don’t have to follow all of them, at least respect the rules. However, the EEEEEEEEEVIL forces currently occupying the highest office in the land don’t abide by any of these rules! And the Dark One, whose name shall not be named in my church, has violated all of them! Especially when he invited these people to visit the White House!

President Trump recently hosted evangelical leaders at the White House for what turned out to be nothing more than a political pep rally.

The president, according to reporting by The New York Times, urged clergy to use their pulpits to turn out voters for GOP candidates in the midterm elections. Otherwise, Donald Trump warned, Democrats “will overturn everything that we’ve done and they’ll do it quickly and violently.”

The rhetoric is striking and dangerous. For those who attended the dinner — including some of the president’s staunchest supporters in the evangelical community — anything but a full-throated condemnation of the president’s remarks is theological malpractice.

No one has the right to claim God for one candidate or political party over another.

So far, unfortunately, the president has only received praise from these faith leaders. Robert Jeffress, who as the president noted at the dinner has called Trump the “greatest leader for Christianity,” issued a statement to the Christian Broadcasting Network in which he claimed to have spoken at the dinner in support of the president’s political goals, receiving what he called “enthusiastic applause” after saying Democrats would attempt to paralyze Trump’s agenda or impeach him.

Now while all are welcome here at the Holy Church Of The Top 10, the one person who is not, and shall never be, is the Dark One, creator of all that is good and evil, and his name shall not be named in my church! But you know… how do these people who unwaveringly support the Dark One get any sleep at night?

What sort of apocalyptic vision guides our commander in chief? What level of paranoia inspires such hyperbolic projections?

These questions are tendered as rhetorical exercise. We know what petty perdition this president has created for himself. And, sadly for the country, it needn't have been this way. Given the antipathy toward Hillary Clinton, Trump might have won the election without appealing to raw emotion and base fears. Later, he might have changed his tune as president and tried to appeal to a broader cross-section of Americans. Who knows? As McCain said, in this country nothing is inevitable. Trump might have united the nation in common cause.

Instead, he chose the ugly path. From immigration, to health care and tax overhauls, to foreign policy, Trump took the low road. Thus, the less-rhetorical question is: How do these evangelical pastors sleep at night?

We know that many conservatives voted for Trump because he promised to appoint conservative judges to the Supreme Court. We also know that Trump ran away with the evangelical vote.

But one must ask these men and women of the cloth: Is it really more important to hope for a Supreme Court that might reverse (or, more realistically, erode) Roe v. Wade than it is to have a president of whom we can be proud? In whom we can trust to be thoughtful, honest and impervious to every little slight?

Yes, even the good LAWRD JAYSUS is ashamed of his followers at times! Not all of them mind you, but let’s take a minute and extrapolate on the man who gives the Dark One his connection to GAWD, and let’s let this sink in for a minute who this guy is.

A pastor who has previously courted controversy by suggesting that Islam promotes pedophilia and that Jewish people are going to hell has said evangelicals still back President Donald Trump—although they don’t support “extra-martial affairs" or "hush money payments.”

Speaking in an interview with Fox News on Monday night following a White House dinner hosted by Trump honoring evangelical leaders, Pastor Robert Jeffress commented that evagelicals’ support for the president had not been damaged by allegations from his former lawyer Michael Cohen.

“I know a lot of people are still perplexed—why are Christians so supportive of Donald Trump?” Jeffress, who is a member of Trump’s Faith Advisory Group, told Fox News.

“Well, it’s really not that hard to figure out when you realize he is the most pro-life, pro-religious liberty, pro-conservative judiciary in history and that includes either Bush or Ronald Reagan. I think that is why evangelicals remain committed to this president and they are not going to turn away from him soon,” he added.

Now Pastor Jeffress, really? In one sentence you done contradicted yourself there! You say that the Good Book condemns the practices of the Dark One, but then you say that we should support the Dark One 100%! Well, which is it? Either you side with the devil, or you don’t! That’s the way it works in my church, for it says “He who is without sin shall never think twice about who he supports!”. And if you don’t believe me you can pick up a copy yourself and read it! But apparently they have sold their souls to Satan to support the Dark One!

In one sense, there is no mystery to understanding why 80 percent of white evangelical voters supported Donald Trump in the 2016 presidential election and continue to back him at about the same level two years into a chaotic and controversial administration.

Trump pledged during his campaign to defend religious liberty, stand up for the rights of the unborn and appoint conservative jurists to the Supreme Court and federal appeals courts. And he has done exactly that. The pro-abortion rights lobby NARAL has complained that Trump has been "relentless" in pursuing these goals, calling his administration "the worst ... that we've ever seen." Political strategists should advise the president to put that quote in direct-mail ads to evangelical households.

Trump's rise also came at a time when many Christians saw religious liberty as being under unprecedented attack. President Barack Obama's administration was trying to force the Little Sisters of the Poor to pay for abortifacient drugs and other contraceptives against their religious beliefs. During oral arguments in the Obergefell v. Hodges case, Obama's solicitor general told the Supreme Court that churches and universities could lose their tax-exempt status if they opposed same-sex marriage.

By the way how great is our Gospel Choir? Let’s give it up for them! You know it’s absolutely staggering to me why those who claim to be on the side of good support someone who is so evil! So what does Pastor Jeffress believe in? What does he believe in?

Texas megachurch pastor Robert Jeffress has voiced his support for President Donald Trump's tough foreign policy efforts, stating that an "eye for an eye" is an "effective way to run a country."

The head of First Baptist Church of Dallas and a longtime supporter of President Trump, Jeffress appeared on Lou Dobbs Tonight on the Fox Business Channel last Friday.

Jeffress spoke positively about the Trump administration putting pressure on the Republic of Turkey over imprisoning American Pastor Andrew Brunson.

"[Trump] believes that to attack one American is to attack all Americans," said Jeffress. "It seemed like for decades we walked around as a country with a 'kick me' sign on us, inviting countries to attack us without recrimination. Well, those days are over."

"The president believes in 'an eye for an eye' and 'a tooth for a tooth.' And while that's a lousy way to run your personal relationships, it's a pretty effective way to run a country."

Yes, an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth. Does that mean you get a pussy grab for a pussy grab too, Pastor? I mean come on now! I hope that’s the take away you get from tonight’s sermon! Mass has ended, may you go in peace! That’s it this week for:

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[font size="8"]Beating A Dead Horse: Trump Fan Boycotts
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San Jose, it’s time for another installment of:

We’ve seen time and time again since Trump took office what his fans will do when the manufacturers of their favorite products go against their political beliefs. They light that shit on fire! They drop it from buildings. They shoot it with shotguns! They send drone strikes! And you would think I’m making that last one up but hell no, there is actual video of this. Can we show that? Yeah so that happened! So now let’s play the story and see if you can guess what happened when a major product manufacturer had introduced its’ ad star, and it’s one of Fox News’ favorite punching bags at that? Well… can ya?

Outrage over Nike's decision to make Colin Kaepernick the face of its new ad campaign has prompted some to protest by destroying their Nike products.

The former San Francisco 49ers quarterback, who was the first NFL player to popularize social justice protests during the national anthem, tweeted an image on Sunday from Nike's 30th anniversary "Just Do It" campaign of his face accompanied by the words "Believe in something, even if it means sacrificing everything."

A couple hours after the announcement, country musician John Rich posted a photo on Twitter explaining that his band's sound man, a former Marine, had cut the Nike logo off of his socks.

"Get ready @Nike multiply that by the millions," Rich tweeted.

Oh please! Se, Rich, here’s the thing – Nike don’t care. See here’s a little secret of the big business world they don’t tell you, so I will! They already got your money! If you want to really send a message to Nike, just take that $90 that you were going to spend on their shoes and light that shit on fire directly! Now that’ll show them! But it seems that Nike is getting the last laugh!

Talk of Nike Inc. sales taking a hit from the company’s decision to put ex–NFL player Colin Kaepernick at the center of its latest “Just Do It” campaign is looking overblown, based on data from a Silicon Valley digital commerce research company.

After an initial dip immediately after the news broke, Nike’s NKE, +1.89% online sales actually grew 31% from the Sunday of Labor Day weekend through Tuesday, as compared with a 17% gain recorded for the same period of 2017, according to San Francisco–based Edison Trends.

“There was speculation that the Nike/Kaepernick campaign would lead to a drop in sales, but our data over the last week does not support that theory,” said Hetal Pandya, co-founder of Edison Trends.

Nike’s stock has also held up after its initial slump. The stock rallied 2.2% on Monday and has retraced 93% of the decline to a three-week low that it suffered on Sept. 4, immediately after the campaign was revealed. It has gained 31% in 2018, while the Dow Jones Industrial Average DJIA, -0.13% , which since 2013 has counted Nike as a member, has gained 5%, as the S&P 500 index SPX, +0.20% has risen about 8%.

Now here’s the question we got to ask – do boycotts work? Are they really that effective? I mean you can talk all the shit you want about Wal-Mart, but they got those low low prices and a whole warehouse full of shit! So why talk shit about companies when you’ll just go out and buy their shit anyways?

Americans love a good boycott—whatever their place on the political divide. This week, conservatives began ripping up their socks to protest Nike’s new ad campaign featuring former San Francisco quarterback Colin Kaepernick. Meanwhile, liberals called for a boycott of In-N-Out burger following reports that it had donated $25,000 to California Republicans. The hashtag #BoycottInNOut started trending on Twitter, and Eric Bauman, the chairman of the California Democratic Party, tweeted his support for the boycott with the words, “Et tu In-N-Out?”

In recent years, calls to boycott fast-food chains have multiplied, perhaps because their popularity and ubiquity in everyday life makes them a convenient, high-profile target. In 2012, Chick-fil-A came under fire from progressive activists because the family that owns it donated to organizations fighting same-sex marriage. In 2016, conservatives called for a boycott of Cook Out Restaurant, a fast-food chain whose employees in Colonial Heights, Virginia, once refused to serve Donald Trump supporters. In 2018, progressive activists called for a boycott of the pizza chain Papa John’s because its founder, John Schnatter, used a racist epithet in a conference call earlier this year. And activists have repeatedly called for boycotts of Carl’s Jr., which has been described as “the Fast-Food Chain of Trump’s America,” for reasons ranging from accusations that the company mistreats its workers to complaints about its ads featuring scantily clad women.

So boycotts in the modern era simply don’t work. They’re just an excuse to call attention to the problem and get whatever douchebags are for or against said products to really show their spirit! Like in the case of the aforementioned In-N-Out boycott:

Sometimes a hamburger is just a hamburger. Other times, a hamburger is a way to signal your support for the Republican Party and its fast-food loving president to strangers on the internet.

Last week, it was reported that fast food burger chain In-N-Out gave $25,000 to the California Republican Party. California Democratic Party Chairman Eric Bauman tweeted out a call to boycott the burger chain, which he has since walked back. In response, Students for Trump founder Ryan Fournier and other Republicans rallied online, urging people to “spread the word and get some food from there.”

Then the right-wing internet did its thing and produced a meme that is cringe-worthy, even for them.

This meme, detailing a “Republican Style” order at In-N-Out has been circulating among pro-Trump Facebook groups. It depicts “a yuge ‘wall’ of meat, with an extra large order of Partiot [sic] Fries smothered in a red wave of delicious ketchup.” It also suggests accompanying the burger with a “cold cup of liberal tears, downed by an entire 24-pack of American-made plastic straws.”

That last reference about straws is a nod to the groups of conservative posters who filled their drinks with handfuls of plastic straws in response to cities banning plastic straws for environmental protection reasons. One of those bold straw flaunters was former Pussycat Dolls member turned conservative pundit Kaya Jones, who also pounded some In-N-Out and posted about it with the caption, “Hope you have a triggered Tuesday.”

No, Kaya, you see, we’re trigged into laughter here, and we’re not laughing with you, we’re laughing at you! And what a waste of plastic straws at that too! I mean come on, this whole “triggered” thing has been played out. It’s just not funny or cute anymore, you’re being wasteful and abusive. Cut that shit out, now. Wasting 24 straws in a single setting isn’t going to trigger us, all it does is make you look like a wasteful asshole. But apparently some are fighting back like Liberty University!

Jerry Falwell, Jr., the president of Liberty University and a close ally of President Trump, told USA TODAY Sports in a phone conversation Friday that Nike’s ad campaign centered around Colin Kaepernick might cause the school to re-consider its relationship with the apparel company, which signed a contract last year to outfit Liberty’s athletic teams through 2024.

OK republicans, we get it! You hate him, you really hate him! And good luck getting out of that contract by the way, Jerry! Oh and how about College Of The Ozarks joining in? Oh no! not College Of The Ozarks!

The College of the Ozarks, a school you’ve probably never heard of until right this moment, has done the institutional version of setting its Nike gear on fire by terminating its contract with the company, citing Nike’s controversial Colin Kaepernick ad.

The ad, which appears in print and on video, prominently features Kaepernick along with the tag line, “Believe in something. Even if it means sacrificing everything.”

In a statement released on Wednesday (h/t CNN), the College of the Ozarks said it was choosing “country over company.”

Or how about the small town of Kenner, Louisiana? Oh no! not Kenner, Louisiana!

A US city has banned its parks and recreation department from purchasing Nike equipment after the sportswear giant launched a new ad campaign featuring controversial quarterback Colin Kaepernick.

Local government staff in Kenner, Louisiana, were told of new rules last week, introduced in an apparent response to the brand’s use of the former NFL star in commercials.

In a memo sent to the Kenner’s parks and recreation director, mayor Ben Zahn demanded none of the city’s $125,000 (£97,000) leisure supplies budget be spent on Nike products.

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[font size="8"]We’re All Gonna Die
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Hey San Jose! It’s time for our brand new feature:

Yeah we’re all gonna die at some point, but the question is how? You know nobody wants to die but living in modern society there’s plenty of ways to speed up what will eventually be the inevitable, like walking off the edge of a building while staring at your phone, sending an online death threat, or joining a fraternity and binge drinking yourself to death, what? Too soon? What? That’s the joke you choose to go out on sir? OK fine. Well, what I’m getting at is that this week there was one incident that sent the message that we’re probably all gonna die! And an airplane, let alone a transcontinental flight, is probably the last place anyone expects to meet the Grim Reaper.

A plane from Dubai landed at John F. Kennedy International Airport and was held away from the terminal after several passengers on board reported feeling sick.

The Emirates Airbus A380 arrived at Terminal 4 after 13 hours in the air and was met by the Centers for Disease Control and Port Authority police.

After interviews and inspections, 10 crew members and passengers were transported to a Jamaica Hospital in Queens. Nine others showed symptoms but refused medical treatment.

Oh calm down we’re not gonna die just yet. You know how every time a natural disaster happens there’s always some person on the inside who’s giving you the inside dirt on what’s going on on the inside? Well here’s where it gets weird. Because of course it would!

Earlier today, a flight that had left Dubai in the United Arab Emirates landed at JFK International Airport in New York with 549 passengers and crew on board—and was promptly quarantined due to a mysterious ailment spreading throughout the cabin. In the neighborhood of 100 people on board showed symptoms including coughing, fever, and vomiting, though only 11 ended up being taken to hospitals for evaluation.

Centers for Disease Control staff, working with regional authorities and Customs and Border Patrol officials, later said it had “completed health evaluations (including taking temperatures)” of all on board and cleared the vast majority to move forward with their days. Apparently among those given the green light was none other than recording artist Robert Matthew Van Winkle, who is almost certainly much better known under his stage name Vanilla Ice.

Excuse me a minute… yes, that guy was the guy who was giving us the inside dirt! Because here’s the thing you’re already in an airport with people all over the world, you put your laptops and bags voluntarily into petri dishes full of god knows what kind of germs, I am really surprised that this sort of thing doesn’t happen more often. And if you’re concerned that a plane might be the place where you’ll meet the inevitable, well, things just got worse!

What's the most germ-filled spot in an airport? The bathrooms? Those crowded waiting areas? The passport checking counter?
Surprisingly, none of the above.
A new study from a team of experts from the UK's University of Nottingham and the Finnish National Institute for Health and Welfare, published in the BMC Infectious Diseases journal, has revealed those airport security plastic trays are the biggest culprit for spreading germs in airports.
So next time you're dumping your phone, passport and laptop into the tray -- it might be worth having the hand sanitizer handy.
Revealing study
The team monitored germ levels on a variety of surfaces at Helsinki-Vantaa airport in Finland during the winter of 2016.
Germaphobes will be horrified to find out they found evidence of viruses on 10% of all the surfaces they tested. Other germ hotspots were shop payment terminals, staircase rails, passport checking counters, children's play areas and -- unavoidably -- in the air.

And we put our laptops in these things, voluntarily, and uncovered! Just… let that sink in for a few minutes. So why does what happened at JFK not happen more often? Why aren’t people screaming about the inevitable zombie apocalypse at this point?

About 10 people who were aboard an international flight that landed Wednesday at New York's John F. Kennedy Airport are being evaluated at a hospital and tested for respiratory illness, officials said.
The cause of the illness on Emirates Flight 203 is "probably influenza," New York City acting Health Commissioner Dr. Oxiris Barbot told reporters.
She said doctors will know more when they get the results of respiratory tests done on the three passengers and seven crew members late Wednesday.
About 106 of the more than 500 people on the flight, which originated in Dubai and landed just after 9 a.m., reported symptoms like coughing, fever or vomiting, she said.

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[font size="8"]People Are Dumb
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Hey San Jose it’s time for this!

So of course you know by now that people are people and people are dumb. And there were some gems this week. So who was stupid this week? I want to start of course with this story out of America’s most penis-shaped state of Florida. Here’s the thing. If you’re in a position where you could get arrested – whether it’s on drug possession, DUI, whatever, maybe it’s probably not the best time to crack jokes with the arresting officer.

A Florida man was charged with marijuana possession and a license plate light violation that got him pulled over in the first place. However, it's not why he was arrested, but how that's catapulted this moving violation into the limelight.

According to The Smoking Gun, Brandon McComas was driving a silver sedan in Vero Beach, Florida, on Monday night when a sheriff's deputy noticed his car's license plate light was out and proceeded to signal the driver to a stop. As the arrest report shows, the deputy approached the driver's side door and quickly noticed McComas "attempting to conceal a large bulge in his left front pocket."

As a result, the deputy conducted a pat-down search on McComas, fearing that the bulge might be some kind of weapon that could be used against him. When McComas was questioned about the large bulge in his pants, he simply replied: "That's what she said."

Unhumored by McComas' portrayal of Michael Scott from The Office and unable to determine what the bulge was, the deputy placed him in handcuffs and conducted a thorough search. "It's just weed," McComas allegedly said once the search began, and a more extensive search revealed that the bulge had nothing to do with McComas's male anatomy, but that it was a cylindrical plastic case containing marijuana and a small glass pipe. A subsequent search of his car turned up a second pipe that McComas reportedly claimed was his.

Next up – sticking with the Sunshine State, you know there’s only two places where a drive thru window should be, either on a bank ATM or a fast food restaurant. They should never be, I don’t know, in your fucking house!!!

Four drug overdoses led police last week to raid a drug house that had a drive-thru and walk-up window, the Ocala Police Department said.

Police said William Parrish Jr. and McKenzee Dobbs were selling drugs out of a mobile home on Northwest 23rd Place near Northwest 35th Avenue Road and Northwest 21st Street.

Investigators said the home had signs indicating when it was open or closed for business and signs directing motorists where to drive.

Police said the couple transformed a kitchen window into a drive-thru window because it didn't want to draw attention by having customers regularly entering and exiting the home.

Once again sticking with America’s penis, this might fall under one of the worst restaurant promotions of all time. Everyone knows that monkeys are dicks (we should know, we elected one! Hey o! ), so don’t bring them to a restaurant, and don’t encourage your customers to do so!

A restaurant in Florida has canceled its weekly “Monkey Mondays” after a customer’s pet monkey bit a child’s finger.

Carrabba’s Italian Grill in Stuart, Fla., started the exotic pet-friendly tradition when a local couple would bring their two monkeys to the restaurant and eat on the patio. The wait staff started calling the weekly practice “Monkey Mondays,” Miami Herald reported.

However, those days are over after a 9-month-old Capuchin named JoJo bit an 8-year-old boy on the finger.

The incident reportedly happened July 16 when the boy, Jaxon, tried to “grab [JoJo] trying to play.” The monkey bit the boy’s pinky, leaving a small cut on his hand.

Next up – we’re going to Beantown and the state of Massachusetts for this one. OK, OK, OK…. You know the Eagles fans and the Patriots fans hate each other. Although how great was it when Tom Brady got his ass handed to him in the last Super Bowl? Well, maybe the Patriots fans in Massachusetts would prefer to forget that ever happened, unless you happen to stop in Dunkin Donuts.

Coffee drinking football fans in New England are probably none too happy with their Dunkin' Donuts these days.

The coffee chain apparently accidentally mixed up the Philadelphia Eagles World Championship cups with New England Patriot cups, FOX29 reported.

Somehow the Eagles cups got mailed to Massachusetts. So now, Patriots fans are stuck drinking iced coffees flavored with defeat.

Too much?

The company sent a statement to The Sun Chronicle after it caught wind of the mix-up: “We appreciate our loyal customers for bringing this to our attention, and we are taking steps to ensure all of our local stores are stocked with the correct cups. Go Pats.”

Thank you sad trombone! That would make a great Southwest ad, it writes itself! Next, we’re heading to the West Coast and the state of Washington. OK… any story where a beaver is involved you just *KNOW* is going to be met with vagina jokes, because, well, that’s what happens. Especially this way:

KENNEWICK, Wash.-- A man has been arrested for animal cruelty after a woman said she witnessed him sexually assaulting a beaver in Columbia Park late Monday night.

The woman said she saw someone run the animal over with a car and then tried to help it by wrapping it in a towel before going home to get a container to put it in.

The woman claims she returned to the site about 30 minutes later and found a man on top of the beaver with his pants unzipped.

The witness then called police to report the incident.

See the entire article at https://www.yaktrinews.com/news/police-arrest-man-for-sexually-assaulting-beaver-in-columbia-park/790375468

Excuse me a minute… Finally this week you know if you’re known for a book called “How To Murder Your Husband”, and you’re arrested for, I don’t know, murdering your husband, maybe that probably would not be the best thing for you! Because I would think that would make you the not only primary suspect, but also the most obvious one!

She wrote about romance, she wrote about storytelling and she wrote about mystery -- and nearly seven years after she wrote an essay titled "How to Murder Your Husband," 68-year-old Nancy Crampton Brophy allegedly did just that.

Crampton Brophy, who was arrested last week for the June 2 murder of her husband, Dan Brophy, wrote the essay on Nov. 4, 2011 for the website See Jane Publish.

"As a romantic suspense writer, I spent a lot of time thinking about murder and, consequently, about police procedure," Crampton Brophy wrote.

Crampton Brophy's essay was first reported by the Oregonian/OregonLive on Tuesday afternoon. See Jane Publish is now a protected blog on WordPress, meaning access is approved by the blog's owner. A Google search, however, revealed the headline and a preview for the essay's URL.

Oh sure it starts with texting and ends with murder! Like you do. And that was it this week for:

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[font size="8"]Deep State Diaries Episode 11: The National Endowment For The Arts
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It’s time for episode 11 of Deep State Diaries. Yes we’re touring the 24 branches and services that make up the United States government. Everything from the FBI to the IRS to the Pentagon to the CIA to the DPW to the DVA to parks and recreation and all branches and services in between. Of course if you’re here you probably already know more about our government and how it works than your average Fox News loving Trump supporter does. So that’s what this segment is going to address. We are going to do a deep dive into all that makes the United States the United States. Because we here at the Top 10 love to educate as well as entertain. Because we care.

[font size="6"]The National Endowment For The Arts[/font]

Now we will take our paint brush and paint this nice little bush here. Oh don’t worry, it will be our little secret to this painting. Oh… hello! If you think I’m not doing a piece on the arts dressed like Bob Ross, you are dead wrong sir / madam! So this week it’s going to be a fun and relaxing entry into our ongoing journey into the Deep State. No end of the world shit doom and gloom this time. We’re going deep into the deep state to talk about one of our country’s biggest institutions – the arts! And specifically the National Endowment For The Arts, the committee that helps fund, create, and promote America’s creative side. So break out those instruments, get your manuscripts read, rehearse your lines, and grab your paint brush and pallets and let’s go on a journey to explore America’s creative side. So say you’re doing a play at a local theater, how does that theater get funded?

Boyden is one of 25 Literature Translation Fellows for the fiscal year 2019. In total, the NEA is recommending $325,000 in grants this round to support the new translation of poetry and prose from 17 countries into English.

“The National Endowment for the Arts is proud to support these 25 new projects, building on more than 35 years of funding literature translation,” said NEA Acting Chairman Mary Anne Carter. “Translation not only provides American readers with access to many of the world’s most talented and respected writers but through the skill and creativity of the authors and translators, readers can explore new and often unique perspectives and experiences.”

Since 1981, the NEA has awarded 480 fellowships to 425 literary translators, with translations representing 69 languages and 83 countries. The review criteria for these projects consist not only of the translators’ skill but also the importance of a particular work to English-speaking audiences, including those authors and languages that are often underrepresented.


So even literature is an important feather in our caps. But it’s not just literature and art that get funding from this committee.

The UTEP Department of Theatre and Dance is a recipient of a $15,000 grant, which will be used to host a month-long celebration for the National Endowment for the Arts in El Paso. The NEA Big Read grant is awarded to organizations that broaden the understanding of local communities through the joy of storytelling.

The NEA Big Read in El Paso will focus on a theatrical adaptation of Bless Me, Ultima by Rudolfo Anaya, which will open on Oct. 3 and run through Oct. 14 at the Wise Family Theatre. Activities will take place throughout UTEP and El Paso leading up to the opening night — including book and ticket giveaways, live readings and scene performances.

“The Big Read allows us to further educate and connect with our community, and what the grant allows us to do is, hopefully, introduce ourselves to people who haven’t thought about or been to our theatre,” said Rebecca Rivas, performance professor and director of Bless Me, Ultima.

The coming of age novel, Bless Me, Ultima, is set in the 1940s in San Rosa, NM. The story follows Antonio Márez as his curandera and protector, Ultima, who graces him with the courage to face growing up in a mixed community, the moral collapse of his brother, childhood bigotry and many violent deaths. Under her wise guidance, Tony examines the family ties that bind him, while at each turn in Tony’s life there is Ultima who will nurture his Chicano heritage.

We hope that the play is better than that, sir! So what about actual arts? What about arts that require you know people who can draw and paint? Yes, they too get some funding!

The seventies were a time of major change in the United States—the Vietnam War ended, abortion became legal, Title IX was signed into law, President Nixon resigned in the midst of Watergate. The art world experienced similar upheavals. Chris Burden staged “Shoot,” his infamous performance during which an assistant shot him in the arm, in 1971. Judy Chicago began “The Dinner Party” in 1974, an epic feminist history project whose artistic merit was debated on the Senate floor. During this decade, the National Endowment for the Arts also announced its intention to bring art to all Americans, which came with a considerable funding increase. Its budget doubled to $31.5 million in 1972; by 1974 that number had increased to $64 million. This influx of money to artists, programs and art organizations had huge effects, not the least of which was a proliferation of independent, artist-run spaces.

Prior to this era, there were few places for emerging artists to show work in Chicago, outside of a handful of commercial galleries and the Art Institute’s annual “Chicago & Vicinity” exhibition. Many universities, such as the School of the Art Institute, did not yet have their own galleries. So artists opened their own spaces. N.A.M.E Gallery was founded in 1973, as were the feminist co-ops ARC and Artemisia. Randolph Street Gallery opened in 1979. “Those kinds of cooperative galleries came about because artists felt they needed a place to show,” says Lynne Warren, a longtime curator at the Museum of Contemporary Art. “And that was a particular impetus for women artists.”

The history of these alternative spaces, and the through-line that connects them to the contemporary Chicago scene, will be explored in the EXPO panel, “Alterity and the Exhibition Environment: Feminist History of Alternative Spaces in Chicago.”

You know… you know think of this entry as the pallet cleanser. We’ve had nothing but doom and gloom for 11 entries into the Deep State. So now read up and this one and delight at the tapestry of art, dance, theater, and of course, music. Before we get into some actual art consider this.

A new vision of the arts breaks the old mold of the lone avant-garde artist and exclusive highbrow audience. Today, the arts work for all of us in a multitude of ways.

I’m late to the arts. I grew up on a farm, we rarely visited a museum, never went to the theater and had very little art hanging on the walls of our home. We did have the art of nature all around us and participated in ethnic traditions and rich culinary experiences.

But back then, few respected the folk arts and us “country bumpkins” were labeled as lacking “culture.” Thankfully, the arts have evolved and we are witnessing an inclusive, dynamic change. As I age, the world of arts around me is maturing.

The old definitions of what is art are giving way to a new, dynamic redefining of art in our daily lives. As Jane Chu, former chairwoman of the National Endowment for the Arts, explained at the Aspen Arts Festival, “We are moving away from the paradigm that the arts are off by themselves in a silo, or off in a corner, or they’re elitist or that only some people participate while others don’t.”

[font size="6"]Score Card [/font]

Overall importance: A
How Things Are Going: B+
Likely hood To Survive: B+

Overall: B+

[font size="6"]Next Week [/font]

Next week it’s the first of five parts as we will start exploring exactly what our military does as we dive deep into the US Navy!

[font size="8"]And Now This:[/font]
[font size="8”]Coheed & Cambria[/font]

I am extremely excited to have our next guest on! My next guest have a new album coming out on October 5th and recently wrapped their tour but will be going back on the road again soon. Their new album is called “Vaxis Act I: The Unheavenly Creatures” and playing their song “The Dark Sentencer”, give it up for Coheed & Cambria!

San Jose, we love you! And also special thanks to the LOL Comedy Festival, we are off to Oxnard’s amazing Levity Live venue next! See you next week!


Host: Initech
Top 10 Conservative Idiots Recorded In Front Of Live Audience At: San Jose Improv, San Jose, CA
Special Thanks To: Improv Group Management
Also Special Thanks To: LOL Comedy Festival
Holy Shit Gospel Choir: Triton Church Band, Santa Clara, CA
Images: All images copyright belongs to respective copyright holders.
Videos: All videos copyright belongs to respective copyright holders
Articles: All article content copyright belongs to respective copyright holders
Writing: Top 10 Writing Department
Graphics: Top 10 Graphics Department
Research: Top 10 Research Department
Lighting & Stage Props: Top 10 Lighting Department
Legal: Top 10 Legal Department
Advertising: Top 10 Advertising Department
HR: Top 10 Human Resources Department
Initech’s Wardrobe Provided By: JAB Inc.
Wheel Of Corruption By: Studio 1 Stage Props, Burbank, CA
Coheed & Cambria Appear Courtesy Of: Roadrunner Records
Management: Initech Productions, CCC Management
Follow The Top 10 On Twitter at: @10Idiots
Questions? Comments? Complaints? Hate mail? E-mail The Top 10 at: Top10ConIdiots@gmail.com

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