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Wed Aug 29, 2018, 05:01 PM

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #5-10: Rabbit Rewards Program Edition

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #5-10: Rabbit Rewards Program Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! What’s up Minneapolis??? Man I love this crowd – you guys are drunk! Yup, the booze flows pretty freely here up in the north! You guys will need to go get some Juicy Lucys to soak up all the alcohol from when this show is over! And with the Twins record’ you will definitely need something to get you through the season. I’m an Angels fan and I know I have been drinking a lot more this season, we go through pitchers as fast as a revolving door and a t-shirt gun. So do we have time for the thing or not? Good. So I love it when politicians get caught with their pants down using songs in a certain context, that the artist didn’t approve of. So at one of his most recent rallies, Trump used the Aerosmith songs “Dream On” and “Livin On The Edge”. By the way what kind of message does that send when the president is using the song “Dream On” at a campaign event? Has he not read the lyrics to that song? Oh who am I kidding? This is Trump we’re talking about here! Of course he hasn’t! Not in that way sir! But here’s the thing – Stephen Tyler himself said that it’s not necessarily about politics. Come on, Stephen, you’re from one of the most liberal cities in America – Boston. You know Trump has a grudge against your state! But I love how they’re getting this caught up in copyright infringement craziness when they could have just pulled a Bruce Springsteen and said no for political reasons. Yeah… ha ha! Thank you sound effects guy! That’s Gary, our sound effects guy for the night, ladies and gentlemen! OK enough of the intro, we have a lot of idiocy to get to but first we got to play Bill Maher’s new rule from last week where he talks mergers:

Man where do we begin this week? You know last week we trashed conservatives for how poorly they reacted to the death of Aretha Franklin, so what happens when one of their own dies? Yup they react equally horribly! So in the first slot this week we’re going to talk about Conservative Reactions To The Death Of John McCain (1). At the second slot, is of course Donald J. Trump (2) and we have to talk about his reactions to the death of McCain, and they deserve their own entry! Speaking of Trump, in the third slot this week is the National Enquirer (3) and apparently they’ve got more dirt on Trump than Putin ever has or would! Fake news! In the fourth slot, wow, it’s been a while since we have done one of these, but we’re going to add Duncan Hunter to the growing list of “People Who Somehow Got Elected”, and this is a doozy! At number 5 this week, is Betsy DeVos (5). In an era when mass shootings are at an all time high, Betsy wants to use federal money to throw more guns at a gun problem. Go home, Betsy, you’re drunk. At number 6… is Rudy Giuliani (6), and he, whew, he is completely batshit crazy and needs a good dose of STFU. At number 7 is our weekly investigative piece “Top 10 Investigates” and after Trump and Tucker Carlson went full 1488 when discussing a South African farming conspiracy, we’re going to do some investigating of our own and find out what’s really going on there. At number 8 is our weekly visit to the Holy Church Of The Top 10 in “Holy Shit” and this week our resident pastor is fuming that Liberty University has been actively silencing those who oppose the Dark One. In the number 9 (NEIN!!!) slot this week we’ve got a new installment of “I Need A Drink” – it’s been too long and I really need a drink! And what’s our story that we’re going to get drunk and talk about this week? Well there was a woman on Tinder who duped a whole bunch of guys into a Hunger Games style contest, and it was quite insane! Finally this week we’ve got a new edition of Deep State Diaries. Last week we showed you the inner workings of probably one of the more controversial agencies out there – the Department of Motor Vehicles! And yes, do your best Patty & Selma impressions now! Plus we’ve got some live music for you from a great singer songwriter who just released her debut album, Bishop Briggs is here! Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!
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[font size="8"]The Death Of John McCain
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OK so I’m going to remind you that it’s a long standing Top 10 policy that we never joke about tragedy here. And that said we need to remind you of that when we’re discussing the death of Arizona senator John McCain. But… compared to Trump, I’d take a million John McCains before I could take another second of Trump. You know what? Before we go any further let’s show you John McCain’s final letter and just… revel in it.

"My fellow Americans, whom I have gratefully served for sixty years, and especially my fellow Arizonans,

Thank you for the privilege of serving you and for the rewarding life that service in uniform and in public office has allowed me to lead. I have tried to serve our country honorably. I have made mistakes, but I hope my love for America will be weighed favorably against them.

I have often observed that I am the luckiest person on earth. I feel that way even now as I prepare for the end of my life. I have loved my life, all of it. I have had experiences, adventures and friendships enough for ten satisfying lives, and I am so thankful. Like most people, I have regrets. But I would not trade a day of my life, in good or bad times, for the best day of anyone else's.

I owe that satisfaction to the love of my family. No man ever had a more loving wife or children he was prouder of than I am of mine. And I owe it to America. To be connected to America's causes – liberty, equal justice, respect for the dignity of all people – brings happiness more sublime than life's fleeting pleasures. Our identities and sense of worth are not circumscribed but enlarged by serving good causes bigger than ourselves.

'Fellow Americans' – that association has meant more to me than any other. I lived and died a proud American. We are citizens of the world's greatest republic, a nation of ideals, not blood and soil. We are blessed and are a blessing to humanity when we uphold and advance those ideals at home and in the world. We have helped liberate more people from tyranny and poverty than ever before in history. We have acquired great wealth and power in the process.

We weaken our greatness when we confuse our patriotism with tribal rivalries that have sown resentment and hatred and violence in all the corners of the globe. We weaken it when we hide behind walls, rather than tear them down, when we doubt the power of our ideals, rather than trust them to be the great force for change they have always been.

We are three-hundred-and-twenty-five million opinionated, vociferous individuals. We argue and compete and sometimes even vilify each other in our raucous public debates. But we have always had so much more in common with each other than in disagreement. If only we remember that and give each other the benefit of the presumption that we all love our country we will get through these challenging times. We will come through them stronger than before. We always do.

Ten years ago, I had the privilege to concede defeat in the election for president. I want to end my farewell to you with the heartfelt faith in Americans that I felt so powerfully that evening.
I feel it powerfully still.

Do not despair of our present difficulties but believe always in the promise and greatness of America, because nothing is inevitable here. Americans never quit. We never surrender. We never hide from history. We make history.

Farewell, fellow Americans. God bless you, and God bless America."


That is how you do it! Now… here’s how you don’t do it. The republicans. The people who supposedly supported him back in the day, but don’t now, because, reasons. If you want to see the real conservative party in action, just look at how they treated one of their own as he left his earthly body:

Fox News has disabled comments on YouTube videos about the death of John McCain following an outpouring of nastiness on the network's own website from its commenters.

"Comments are disabled for this video,” the space under the videos reads on YouTube videos about McCain from the network. A cursory review of the Fox News YouTube channel demonstrates that this policy appears to apply to all stories about McCain released following his death.

The comments at Fox News' website were appalling in their viciousness.

Yes daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn indeed! Yes the comments were incredibly vicious and appalling even for Fox News! Doesn’t that say more about them then it does about us? Don’t worry, we’ll get to Trump’s own reactions in a minute. So why wouldn’t John McCain have made it in the Trump party? Well there’s a theory on that.

There's a common misconception that John McCain was a moderate. He was not.
McCain had a lifetime 81% conservative voting score with the conservative Club for Growth. True GOP moderates like Maine Sen. Susan Collins and Alaska Sen. Lisa Murkowski have CFG scores of 35% and 55% respectively. The Heritage Foundation gives McCain a 60% lifetime rating, as compared to 24% for Collins and 34% for Murkowski.

What McCain was is a senator willing to work with Democrats to get things he cared about done. Whether it was with Wisconsin Sen. Russ Feingold on campaign finance reform or Massachusetts Sen. Ted Kennedy on immigration, McCain demonstrated a willingness throughout his political career to compromise in pursuit of achieving broader goals.

"The most revered members of this institution accepted the necessity of compromise in order to make incremental progress on solving America's problems and defend her from her adversaries," McCain said in a speech on the Senate floor shortly after being diagnosed with the deadly brain cancer that eventually killed him. "That principled mindset, and the service of our predecessors who possessed it, come to mind when I hear the Senate referred to as the world's greatest deliberative body. I'm not sure we can claim that distinction with a straight face today."

Yup that’s the modern GOP for you. Fuck reaching across the aisle, they’d rather have it all to themselves and fuck everybody else! And then speaking of classless reactions, there was James Inhofe – who did the classy GOP thing they do called “victim blaming”. Yeah now you can boo! We may have to profile James Inhofe next week for “People Who Somehow Got Elected”.

Republican Sen. James Inhofe told reporters Monday that Sen. John McCain was "partially to blame" for the controversy over the lowering of the White House flag.
Inhofe, a senior member of Senate Armed Services Committee, was highly complimentary of McCain but when asked about the flag flap he attributed it to the late senator's public spat with President Donald Trump in recent years. He described both men as "strong willed people."
"Well, you know, frankly, I think that John McCain is partially to blame for that because he is very outspoken. He disagreed with the President in certain areas and wasn't too courteous about it," Inhofe said.
On Saturday evening, the White House flag had been positioned at half-staff to mark the death of McCain, the former Vietnam prisoner of war and onetime Republican presidential nominee. But just after midnight on Sunday night, the flag flying above the White House was hoisted back to full staff.

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[font size="8"]Trump Reacts To John McCain’s Death
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So we discussed how the conservative world reacted to the death of John McCain. Which went about as well as you’d come to expect from these assholes. Now we’re going to discuss specifically how the guy who we currently refer to as president, which also is about as well as you’d come to expect from this asshole. Just how poorly did Trump react to the death of McCain?

If you were somehow lucky enough to have spent your Monday in a blissful fugue state, please allow me to catch you up on what you missed.

First, the Trump administration raised the White House flag back to full-staff after briefly lowering it following the death of Senator John McCain. Then pundits started freaking the fuck out, until finally the flag was brought back back down to half-staff once again. If this sounds like an immense waste of time to you, you’re absolutely correct. It was deeply, deeply stupid.

But, if there’s one small upside to yesterday’s ridiculous exercise in performative grief, it’s this: It reportedly drove President Donald Trump bonkers.

Citing “people familiar with the situation,” the Wall Street Journal reports that not only did Trump absolutely hate the fact that McCain’s death was dominating the headlines, but he seemingly felt this sort of sort of emotive garment-rending would be better suited on a Very Important Big Boy like himself.

Yeah Trump throws a tantrum every bit as good as Stewie does. Trump & The Death Tantrums, by the way great band, I saw them at the Troubadour last night. But here’s how stupid and stubborn this man is – he wouldn’t allow the flags to be flown at half mast in memory of McCain!

The White House reversed course Monday afternoon, and will fly the flag at half-staff until McCain’s body is buried, the president said in a proclamation, as a “mark of respect for the memory and longstanding service.” Flags will be lowered on “all public buildings and grounds, at all military posts and naval stations, and on all naval vessels” until sunset on the day of McCain’s burial.

The American flag atop the White House was flying on the top of its mast on Monday morning after the death of Arizona senator John McCain, putting the presidential residence at odds with many other federal buildings in the United States.

The senator died on Aug. 25, and American flags on the US Capitol Building and on other federal buildings are still flying at half-mast at time of writing. The flags in front of the US Capitol will fly at half mast until McCain “is buried,” an official in the Congressional flag office told Quartz.

Uh………… No we don’t. we really don’t. Trump is such a fucking man baby that something that should have been done immediately, took him five fucking days before he realized that he was not the center of attention! No wonder he isn’t going to the funeral.

WASHINGTON -- Two days after Sen. John McCain died at the age of 81, the White House has raised flags on the property. However, flags at the U.S. Capitol remain at half mast.

The decision to raise the flags at the White House has caused some controversy as President Donald Trump and McCain had a long-standing feud. Trump was extremely critical of McCain following the former Arizona senator's vote that stopped an attempt to recall Obamacare last year.

Trump tweeted a message of support to McCain's family on Saturday, but made no official proclamation to lower flags.

U.S. flag code calls for flags to be lowered "on the day of death and the following day for a Member of Congress." Meaning flags could be returned to full staff Monday.

The decision not to keep flags at half staff at the White House comes as reports have surfaced that Trump nixed a statement from the White House that would have praised McCain for his service to the country and called him a "hero."

Here’s the thing Trump – you want to be loved? Maybe you should be the one who respects the office you’re in! And by doing that, I mean get the fuck out! Thank you! You aren’t fit to lick John McCain’s shoes, much less be invited to his funeral.

When Sen. John McCain is remembered at memorial ceremonies in Arizona and Washington, D.C., this week, and when he lies in state at the U.S. Capitol on Friday, it will be a time for many of those who knew him to pay their respects. But President Trump will not attend the funeral — at the request of the Arizona Republican himself.

Though the specific request marks a departure from the norms of memorializing notable political figures, the question of Trump’s attendance is part of a long history of meaning when it comes to presidential funeral attendance. It’s relatively common for other members of an administration to attend funerals in the president’s stead, but it’s also common for those decisions to be assigned great meaning.

McCain, who died at the age of 81 a little more than a year after being diagnosed with an aggressive brain cancer, had a longtime feud with Trump, which extended to pointed remarks in his farewell letter. McCain’s family had asked that Trump not attend funeral services prior to the Arizona senator’s death, according to initial reports from the New York Times later confirmed by the Associated Press. In his requests for the funeral, McCain asked that former presidents Barack Obama and George W. Bush deliver eulogies.

Trump, who earned rebukes on Monday after flying flags at the White House at full staff, a decision he then reversed, is not the first president to be absent at the funeral of a person with great impact on American history.

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[font size="8"]The National Enquirer
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A couple of editions ago, we asked how the National Enquirer is still a thing (see: Top 10 #5-6 ), but there might be more to it this week as to why the National Enquirer is still a thing. You know since the election there’s been rampant speculation that our supreme overlord Vladimir Putin may have some dirt on Trump regarding his sexual deviancy. Well… it turns out the fake news purveyors may have more dirt on him than Putin does!

After Michael Cohen stood in court Tuesday and said that a candidate for office – Donald Trump – had directed him to broker hush payments to two women, the details of the payments and the nature of their illegality became extremely urgent questions.

It was suddenly clear that a sitting president might have committed a crime during his candidacy. As Cohen’s attorney Lanny Davis put it: “If those payments were a crime for Michael Cohen, then why wouldn’t they be a crime for Donald Trump?”

But federal prosecutors were a step ahead, it appears. In bombshell news stories Tuesday, Vanity Fair and the Wall Street Journal reported that two witnesses – the magazine publisher David Pecker and one of his chief officers, Dylan Howard – had been granted immunity in exchange for their testimony in the matter.

The negotiations between prosecutors in the southern district of New York and Pecker and Howard had not been previously disclosed before Thursday. Trump has denied all wrongdoing.

You know how you’re a crook? Your lawyer and campaign manager are going to jail but a guy named Pecker has so much dirt on you that he gets immunity! And yes I’m fully aware that “pecker” is slang for “penis”. So what’s in this safe? Is it going to be something good or is it going to be another Al Capone’s Vault type of situation? For you youngsters in the crowd, go Google that one, it’s one of the biggest epic failures of all time.

The National Enquirer kept a safe containing documents on hush money payments and other damaging stories it killed as part of its cozy relationship with Donald Trump leading up to the 2016 presidential election, people familiar with the arrangement told The Associated Press.

The detail came as several media outlets reported on Thursday that federal prosecutors had granted immunity to National Enquirer chief David Pecker, potentially laying bare his efforts to protect his longtime friend Trump.

Trump's former lawyer Michael Cohen pleaded guilty this week to campaign finance violations alleging he, Trump and the tabloid were involved in buying the silence of a porn actress and a Playboy model who alleged affairs with Trump.

Several people familiar with the National Enquirer's parent company, American Media Inc., who spoke to the AP on the condition of anonymity because they signed non-disclosure agreements, said the safe was a great source of power for Pecker, the company's CEO.

Ha ha ha…. I love Weird Al. So what does it mean that Pecker gets immunity? Well a whole lot of things, and it’s going to mean a world of hurt for Trump if any of them proves to be true.

The chairman of the company that publishes the National Enquirer was granted immunity by federal prosecutors as part of an investigation into President Donald Trump's former personal lawyer, Michael Cohen, NBC News reported Thursday.

The immunity deal was earlier reported by The Wall Street Journal and Vanity Fair.

Details of the agreement were not immediately known. But the Journal reported earlier Thursday that American Media Inc. Chairman David Pecker had given prosecutors details about the president's knowledge of payments Cohen made to women alleging affairs with Trump.

Prosecutors declined CNBC's request for comment on the Journal's report. A spokesman for American Media did not immediately respond to CNBC's requests for comment.

The immunity deal could hold significant consequences for Trump, as Pecker could have as much damaging information about the president as anyone in Trump's orbit.

Put the gun away, Walter. Yeah… Trump is the one who is going to be entering a world of pain. So what’s the relationship between the supermarket tabloid and the Trump administration? Well it seems the sleazy tabloid is the one keeping his administration afloat by becoming his official MAGAzine. Ha! See what I did there? And by the way how’s that “lock her up” thing going for ya?

The scoop Friday was that the National Enquirer supported President Donald Trump as a candidate in 2016, but his rivals already knew the paper’s front page shouted critical stories about them throughout the campaign.

Ben Carson was portrayed in a “bombshell investigation” of the Republican primaries in October 2015 as a “bungling surgeon,” based on a review of malpractice lawsuits against him. Carson has since joined Trump's cabinet as secretary of Housing and Urban Development.

Sen. Ted Cruz, R-Texas, called the paper “garbage” filled with “complete and utter lies” after a “tabloid smear” in March 2016 that he had five mistresses.

And Democratic nominee Hillary Clinton repeatedly made the front page of the supermarket tabloid before, during and after the campaign. The paper reported she had “six months to live!” in September 2015 and then that she was “corrupt! racist! criminal!” in November 2016. She remains alive and not in jail.

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[font size="8"]Duncan Hunter
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Politicians at the state, local and national levels who are so terrible, you wonder how they got elected in the first place. Or in this case reelected. This is another edition of:

Holy shit. Wow, where do I even begin to go through this one? So this week Duncan Hunter (R – Obviously) was caught with his pants down going on one of the most insane campaign funded spending sprees in human history. It’s going to take a lot to unpack all of this but it is, quite spectacular. I mean let’s just regale the insanity of this screen shot of some of the things he spent money on.

Well to be fair, Mr. Fluffy was enrolled in Southwest’s Rabbit Rewards Program. Hey o!! Thank you I’m here all week! Don’t forget to tip your waitress! OK getting back on track here. But this whole thing is fucking insane. Here’s just a short list of the things Mr. and Mrs. Hunter blew their money on.

House Speaker Paul Ryan said Hunter will be removed from his committee assignments after being indicted on charges alleging he misused more than $250,000 in campaign funds.

Ryan said in a statement Tuesday the charges against Hunter, a Republican, are "deeply serious."

Federal prosecutors accused Hunter and his wife of using campaign funds to finance family trips and other expenses and then attempted to disguise the illegal spending in federal records.

Earlier this month, Hunter's lawyer wrote to Deputy Attorney General Rod J. Rosenstein, saying there was "politically motivated" pressure to wrap up the investigation.

House Democratic Leader Nancy Pelosi said the charges were evidence of a "rampant culture of corruption" among Republicans in Washington.

Well yeah that’s an understatement. And $600 for a plane ticket for his fucking pet rabbit is just the tip of the iceberg! Just look at some of the things that he spent money on.

Duncan Hunter, the Republican congressman who was indicted Tuesday for illegally spending more than $250,000 in campaign funds on personal expenses—including family vacations and tickets to Irish dance show Riverdance—told an ABC affiliate station in San Diego on Wednesday that he is a victim of the “new Department of Justice” and “the Democrats’ arm of law enforcement.”

“It’s happening with [President Donald] Trump and it’s happening with me,” he told 10News before embarking on a fishing trip with a veterans group. “We’re going to fight through it and win and the people get to vote in November…I think they’ve used every dirty trick in the book, so it’ll go to court when they want it to.”

“It’s politically motivated,” he said. “It’s the last chance they could do this before the election. This is how they want to win the election. It’s easier doing this than actually running for office.”

Here are some of the wildest purchases the Hunters made with campaign funds, according to the indictment:

A plane ticket to fly a family member’s rabbit to Washington, DC, for vacation, first reported in early 2017
A $14,000 family trip to Italy for Thanksgiving in 2015. Hunter tried to arrange a tour of a naval base during the trip in an attempt to justify using campaign money. When he learned that a tour wouldn’t be possible, Hunter allegedly told his chief of staff, “Tell the Navy to go f— themselves.”
More than $26,600 in family vacation expenses between 2011 and 2015
More than $3,300 worth of fast food
A nearly $2,000 ticket for a Pittsburgh Steelers game
Video games, a purchase which the Hunters later reported as fraudulent to the Federal Election Commission
Tickets to the show Riverdance
School lunches for their children

Yes… WTF lol indeed. Fast food, video games, Steelers tickets, and… tickets to see Riverdance? I mean come on let’s not get crazy here! And by the way here’s something else that’s not really mentioned in this story – apparently he talked some shit about the Navy. And you don’t do that in San Diego, that’s a Navy town, damn it!

A federal indictment alleges that House Armed Services member Duncan Hunter was not happy when he didn’t get a tour of a military base in Italy and had this to say: “Tell the Navy to go f--- themselves.”

Prosecutors also accused the California Republican of falsely claiming that personal expenditures were for “wounded warriors.”

Hunter and his wife, Margaret, were indicted Tuesday for allegedly using $250,000 in campaign funds for personal expenses, including dental work and trips to Italy and Hawaii.

Hunter tried to justify using campaign funds to pay for a family trip to Italy in November 2015 by visiting a Navy installation but was told that only a particular date was available, the indictment alleges. That’s when he supposedly made the offensive comment to his chief of staff.

Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! And in case you’re wondering – here’s where it gets weird. As if blowing campaign money on video games and fast food isn’t weird enough. Guess who Duncan Hunter is blaming on his ordeal? It’s that damn deep state!

Republican Congressman Duncan Hunter of Alpine forcefully responded Wednesday to a 60-count indictment filed this week in federal court in San Diego.

In a 15-minute back and forth with reporters, Hunter invoked a “deep state” conspiracy among “partisan Democrat prosecutors” as the reason why he and his wife, Margaret Hunter, were facing charges of conspiracy to commit wire fraud, falsification of records and aiding and abetting in the prohibited use of campaign contributions.

Tuesday’s indictment listed 200 instances in which the Hunters allegedly made personal purchases using campaign funds, including family vacations, meals and everyday household expenses. The $250,000 of improper expenses alleged by prosecutors — from tequila to Taco Bell to “Punky Brewster items” at Target — have become fodder for a steady diet of national news stories.

But Hunter, 41, told reporters in San Diego on Wednesday, “I’ve never used my campaign for personal expenditures — ever.”

Oh and by the way – I don’t know what’s more mind boggling about this whole Duncan Hunter thing – the fact that he’s throwing his own wife under the bus or the fact that he’s 6 points ahead in the polls! Yes, the GOP cult is still going to reelect this guy!

Rep. Duncan Hunter (R-Calif.) on Tuesday told a reporter to “leave my wife out of it” as he discussed their recent indictment on charges of misusing campaign funds, days after he appeared to blame his wife, Margaret, for the charges.

“Leave my wife out of it. Leave my family out of it,” he said in an interview with 10News, an ABC affiliate in San Diego. “It’s me they’re after anyway. They’re not after my wife. They want to take me down. That’s what they’re up to.”

Both Duncan and Margaret Hunter were indicted last week, charged with misusing at least $250,000 in campaign funds for personal expenses. Hunter is accused of using the funds to pay for trips to Italy and Hawaii, his family’s dental work, his children’s tuition and travel for relatives, among other personal expenses.
Hunter said in an interview on Fox News last week that his wife was responsible for the campaign spending.

"She was also the campaign manager, so whatever she did, that'll be looked at too, I'm sure," Hunter said at the time. "But I didn't do it. I didn't spend any money illegally."

Read more: http://thehill.com/blogs/blog-briefing-room/news/404069-duncan-hunter-on-campaign-funds-indictment-leave-my-wife-out-ofc


That’s GOP rep Duncan Hunter – yet another one of the:

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[font size="8"] The NRA & Betsy DeVos
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When mass shootings are at an all time high, what’s a country already addicted to the raw power of the firearm going to do when people are getting killed at an alarming rate? Well, you can do one of two things. The first you can do is to throw more guns at it. The second is to blame everything but the gun the next time some nut with a gun goes off and starts murdering a whole bunch of people. Well, Betsy DeVos decided to do the former, while the NRA decided to do the latter. Let’s explain more:

Education Secretary Betsy DeVos is considering whether states can use federal grant money to buy guns for schools, including possibly arming teachers, after receiving queries from Texas and Oklahoma, people familiar with the matter said.

The idea drew swift criticism from Democrats, teacher unions, education groups and gun control activists, who said the response to school shootings should be fewer guns, not more. But President Donald Trump and others have argued that arming teachers would "harden" schools and make them less likely targets for mass shootings.

Texas and Oklahoma were seeking clarity on spending funds from Student Support and Academic Enrichment grants, which can be used for a wide range of school expenses.

Some opponents said firearms were never considered when the grants were created in 2015. But the $1.1 billion program has few restrictions on it, and some argued DeVos may have little choice but to give states the flexibility that Congress wrote into the law.

Now don’t boo just yet. Consider this was said the week that yet *ANOTHER* mass shooting happened, and it’s quite insane. We go to Jacksonville in of course Florida. Mass shootings are so common place anymore that it’s unbelievable that this isn’t #1 this week but in an era of sheer stupidity this isn’t all that surprising.

The young men had gathered at Chicago Pizza in Jacksonville, Fla., to conduct some serious business: crushing one another at “Madden NFL 19” as their fans watched online.

The finalists in Sunday’s regional video game tournament would proceed to the Madden Classic in Las Vegas, where the top prize is $25,000. David Katz, a slender 24-year-old who nicknamed himself “Bread,” had traveled from Baltimore to compete — only to be eliminated, witnesses said.

But Katz wasn’t done. As his competitors continued to game Sunday, Katz got a handgun and opened fire in the pizzeria. Horrified fans watched the violence unfold on a livestream online.

The shooter “targeted a few people” before killing himself, according to Stephen “Steveyj” Javaruski, one of the gamers, who took shelter in a bathroom.

At the end of it, Katz and two of his competitors were dead: Elijah Clayton and Taylor Robertson — better known to their rivals and fans in the gaming world by the handles they adopted for the screen.

Well see it’s our policy here not to joke about tragedy so we won’t try. But the Ravens losing is hardly the worst thing about this story. You really want to add more guns to the situation? Yeah let’s get crossfire involved – that will teach the shooter a lesson! Of course if you saw the latest round of excuses coming from the NRA…. Well…

"A horrible tragedy. End gun free zones or have the security in place to keep people safe in them," Loesch tweeted as reports emerged about a shooting at Jacksonville Landing.

A gunman killed two people and injured nine others when he opened fire during a Madden NFL 19 tournament at the GLHF Game Bar. The suspect, identified as 24-year-old David Katz of Baltimore, Md., died of a self-inflicted gunshot wound, authorities said.

The Jacksonville Landing rules of conduct bar visitors from bringing a weapon onto the property, even if it is legally owned and carried. Only law enforcement officers are exempted.

The NRA has called for an end to "gun free zones," particularly following a number of recent shootings. The organization renewed its calls for the change following a shooting at a Parkland, Fla., high school in February, reasoning that schools should be "hardened" to protect against potential threats.

Opponents of the policy have called for stricter gun laws, with some Democrats supporting a ban on high-capacity weapons, and raising the minimum age requirement to purchase a firearm.

OK now you can boo!!! BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! So…. So…. So…. So let me see if I can extrapolate Ms. Loesch's logic here. The way to end shootings is to get rid of zones where guns are forbidden. What could possibly go wrong with that? Not like that, sir! Ah, yes, that’s the challenges of doing a live show! Oh and here’s my favorite excuse – the reason mass shootings happen is because of headphones! Hey wait, you know, I have an ear piece in my ear right now, yeah it’s so my director can tell me what to do. Yes, we do have a director for this show!

Grant Stinchfield, a host for the National Rifle Association’s NRATV outlet, reacted to the mass shooting at a video game tournament in Jacksonville, FL, by criticizing a survivor who shared video of the incident for supposedly not hearing the shooting over his headphones.

The August 26 shooting, which took place at a Madden 19 tournament, left two people dead and nine others wounded.

The NRA, and NRATV, frequently focus on what victims of high-profile mass casualty could have supposedly done to avoid being shot rather than focusing on how the perpetrator was able to access weapons to carry out the attack.

During the August 27 broadcast of NRATV’s current events show Stinchfield, Stinchfield played a video (warning: disturbing) from tournament participant @LaYzR96 that he said showed the survivor not reacting to the shooting because he was wearing headphones. Stinchfield said, “There’s no running for cover, there’s not even any looking around. They’re still focused on the screen in front of them as someone is firing a handgun through the crowd.”

Stinchfield apparently is mistaken about what the video shows. No one is seen wearing headphones and the only headphones seen in the shot are draped over a computer monitor, not on someone’s head. The person filming seems aware of the shooting as it happens since the camera moves around without focusing on the screen. He also later tweeted about being “in shock that I actually was witnessing this when it was live.”

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[font size="8"]Rudy Giuliani
[br] [/font]

Go home, Rudy, you’re drunk. Not drunker than this audience! Well, Rudy has said some absolutely crazy shit lately, and we need to document it more here. This is after the week where he famously declared that the “truth is not the truth”. Yes these guys are in such deep, treasonous shit that they’re actually trying to rewrite the definition of the word “truth”. And the sad thing is that they probably will get away with it. And of course you know Trump hires the best people.

Fresh from his declaration that "truth isn't truth," President Donald Trump's personal attorney, Rudy Giuliani, said Thursday that Americans would "revolt" if Trump was impeached "for political reasons."

Giuliani was golfing at a Trump-owned golf course in Balmedie, Scotland, when a Sky News reporter asked him if he thought Trump's impeachment was "inevitable" after the president's former campaign manager Paul Manafort was found guilty Tuesday of eight fraud-related charges and his former lawyer Michael Cohen pleaded guilty to eight felonies on the same day.

"Hardly," Giuliani replied. "I think it's inevitable that he won't."

The former New York mayor said impeachment would be "totally horrible."

"He didn't collude with the Russians, he didn't obstruct justice, everything Cohen says has been disproved," he said. "You could only impeach him for political reasons, and the American people would revolt against that."

Yeah no… that shit doesn’t work in real life. But Rudy is a gem, seriously. He’s become increasingly more senile in his old age. And everything he says is literally worse than the thing that came before it. You know Trump is insane, Rudy is even more so!

President Donald Trump's personal attorney delivered another doozy of a soundbite Tuesday night, telling CNN's Chris Cuomo that "nowadays" facts "are in the eye of the beholder."

Rudy Giuliani made the comment while defending Trump's harsh words for former White House aide Omarosa Manigault Newman. Cuomo said other presidents faced criticism and adversity without resorting to insults.

"Maybe nobody has been as honest as him," Giuliani said.

"If fact-counting is anything, we've never had anybody with the level of mendacity that he has," Cuomo replied. "Not even close."

"It's in the eye of the beholder," said a chuckling Giuliani.

"No, facts are not in the eye of the beholder," Cuomo said, shaking his finger.

"Yes, they are," Giulini said. "Nowadays they are."

It’s like a perpetual shit cycle! So to illustrate this – shit comes in one end, then instead of exiting, gets recirculated like an airplane cabin, and overtime just deteriorates. Rudy Guiliani does have a serious case of shit for brains! Thank you! But then again in order to cure the condition that Guiliani is in, maybe he needs a good solid dose of STFU! Take two STFUs twice a day or as directed by your physician. Side effects include increased irritability, Phantom Hand Syndrome, and braintooth. See our ad in Golf Digest magazine today!

Fresh from his declaration that "truth isn't truth," President Donald Trump's personal attorney, Rudy Giuliani, said Thursday that Americans would "revolt" if Trump was impeached "for political reasons."

Giuliani was golfing at a Trump-owned golf course in Balmedie, Scotland, when a Sky News reporter asked him if he thought Trump's impeachment was "inevitable" after the president's former campaign manager Paul Manafort was found guilty Tuesday of eight fraud-related charges and his former lawyer Michael Cohen pleaded guilty to eight felonies on the same day.

"Hardly," Giuliani replied. "I think it's inevitable that he won't."

The former New York mayor said impeachment would be "totally horrible."

"He didn't collude with the Russians, he didn't obstruct justice, everything Cohen says has been disproved," he said. "You could only impeach him for political reasons, and the American people would revolt against that."

Yeah definitely get a load of this guy! See this is the mind set of the typical Trump supporter – they are so paranoid about losing power that literally *ANY* negative news story means that their whole world is going to come crashing down! Thankfully Trump hires only the best people! And by the way Rudy, when you’re in a hole, stop digging!

Rudy Giuliani on Monday attempted to clarify his weekend remark that "truth isn't truth" as part of his explanation for why he doesn't believe that President Donald Trump should testify with special counsel Robert Mueller.

"My statement was not meant as a pontification on moral theology but one referring to the situation where two people make precisely contradictory statements, the classic 'he said,she said' puzzle. Sometimes further inquiry can reveal the truth other times it doesn't," tweeted Giuliani, a lawyer for Trump in the Russia investigation.

Giuliani's tweet came less than 24 hours after he sparred with NBC's "Meet the Press" anchor Chuck Todd over the meaning of "truth."
"When you tell me that, you know, he should testify because he's going to tell the truth and he shouldn't worry, well, that's so silly because it's somebody's version of the truth. Not the truth," Giuliani said Sunday.

"Truth is truth," Todd replied.

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[font size="8"]Top 10 Investigates: Don’t Take My Land!
[br] [/font]

Minneapolis, it’s time to investigate beyond the headlines. This is Top 10 Investigates!

The 2016 election put at the forefront America’s problems with racism, and the growing popularity of white nationalism. But our current president, Donald J. Trump, has never fully embraced the side of this trend until recently. Fox News had an expose on a farming controversy in South Africa, and this week, Trump not only took the side of white nationalists, he embraced America’s love of racism with this enduring tweet.

So there’s a lot to take in in this tweet, and if you are guessing that Trump has never been to South Africa and doesn’t know what he’s talking about, you are correct.

The South African government on Thursday slammed President Donald Trump’s tweet calling for the U.S. to examine South Africa’s land and “farm seizures” from white farmers.

Trump tweeted on Wednesday night that he had asked Secretary of State Mike Pompeo to look into “South Africa land and farm seizures and expropriations and the large scale killing of farmers.”

The president’s missive came shortly after Fox News aired a report asserting that the South African government is “now seizing land from white farmers,” which is not true.

“South Africa totally rejects this narrow perception which only seeks to divide our nation and reminds us of our colonial past,” the South African government tweeted in response to Trump’s statement.

So Trump’s tweet was so extreme that the South African government shut it down. Which begs us to answer the question “Is Trump a racist?” to which we answer: “most definitely”. How does Trump going full 1488 affect things? And you never go full 1488, never ever.

Last Wednesday, Donald Trump briefly interrupted his ongoing Twitter tirades denouncing various investigations into his shady behavior with a bizarre tweet about "the large scale killing of farmers" and "land and farm seizures and expropriations" in South Africa. It didn't take long for journalists to figure out what Trump was talking about. He was referencing a racist (and false) conspiracy theory that floats around white supremacist and neo-Nazi websites and had been elevated by Tucker Carlson, the Fox News host who has grown increasingly bold about mainstreaming ideas picked up from the white supremacist fringe.

That Trump often expresses racist views is neither new nor surprising information, so while news sites dutifully published pieces debunking this conspiracy theory — which implies that the South Africa government is working with vigilantes to steal land from white farmers through violence — it seems likely that both the media and the public will rapidly move on, especially since there are so many other big stories vying for attention.

But this strange interlude deserves more consideration, even amid the constant drumbeat of Trump-is-a-racist stories. By embracing this particular false narrative, the president of the United States has moved beyond garden-variety racism and is now openly pushing a white nationalist myth that has been used for decades to justify a violent ideology, one that occasionally leads to terrorism.

“'White genocide' is probably the most popular theme in the white supremacist world," Heidi Beirich, head of the Intelligence Project at the Southern Poverty Law Center, told Salon. The South African narrative Trump referenced "is a subset of that,” she said.

Trump’s courting of the “white genocide” conspiracy theorists should shock… well, it should shock absolutely no one. But it’s so extreme that absolutely no one wants to touch this one with a 10 foot pole, maybe even a 20 foot one.

JOHANNESBURG (AP) — South Africa’s government said Friday it had summoned the top U.S. diplomat in the country to “convey the unhappiness of the people” over President Donald Trump’s tweet about alleged white-owned farm seizures and the “large scale killing of farmers.”

In a statement, South Africa said it told U.S. Charge d’Affaires Jessye Lapenn it was “disappointed” over the failure to use available diplomatic channels.

South Africa’s government has said Trump’s tweet was based on “false information” and served “only to polarize debate on this sensitive and crucial matter.”

The country is in the middle of a racially charged debate over land reform, a lawful process that seeks to correct the legacy of decades of white-minority rule that stripped blacks of their land.

Nearly a quarter-century after the end of apartheid, white South Africans, who comprise about 8 percent of the population, own more than 70 percent of the private agricultural land.

And that’s about what happened with this tweet. Trump didn’t mean to say something extremely racist, but yeah, he said something racist. But see, Trump does care about Africans – the white ones, it seems like! But how does this translate to America, you might ask? Well a lot it seems!

The first time Donald Trump tweeted about Africa, he agonised over white people. After watching Fox News’ coverage of the South African land debate last week, the President of the United States instructed his secretary of state to look into the “large scale killing of farmers”. Followers of Peter Dutton’s nine months tenure at Australia’s home affairs ministry will recognise the lie, peddled by the “alt-right”, that black South Africans are targeting white farmers. As the Guardian reported in June, farmer and farmworker murders are at a 20-year low.

But for white people living in every settler state, there’s an awkward question that translates from the Americas to Australia to South Africa to Canada and beyond. How did land become private property, and is that property legitimate? Land struggles, it turns out, might be a way of teaching racists a bit of history and geography.

For as long as the modern state and corporation have existed, indigenous people have faced annihilation as they defend their land. According to Global Witness, last year saw a record 207 indigenous activists killed from India to Honduras while resisting mining and, above all, agribusiness industries. In order for the supplies of palm oil to continue uninterrupted, the indigenous people who live in suitable forest find themselves an impediment to profit.

There you have it – Trump ignores the plight of the government actually taking other people’s land while tweeting about something that is really only happening in his head and fed to him by Fox News. this has been it for Top 10 Investigates. Good day.

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[font size="8"]Holy Shit
[br] [/font]

Gather around my fair brothers and sisters of Minneapolis! It’s time to take a seat in the pew and pass the collection plate, for the Holy Church Of The Top 10 has convened and it’s time to remind you that the holiest among us are the most full of:

Now my fair congregation! You know all are welcome here at the Holy Church Of The Top 10. It even says so here in our Good Book – “May the LAWRD shine the light on all those who enter his holy house of worship, and they are free to think and exchange ideas!”. Yes, it actually does say that, sir! And you all know this, because that’s what JAYSUS would want! Even if you support the Dark One, whose name shall not be named! But… there are some who won’t have any of it.

A rift between the Liberty University president and an on-campus newspaper indicates that campus free speech battles are not solely an issue for liberal colleges. Jerry Falwell, Jr., the president of one of the largest Christian universities in America, is a very vocal supporter of Republicans and conservatives and that support has crossed over to his college's identity. Earlier in the month, Falwell invoked his students to criticize Attorney General Jeff Sessions for not supporting President Trump enough, citing their low attendance at a 2016 event as proof that they did not back Sessions. Now World Magazine alleges that Falwell played a direct role in censoring the political views of Liberty's Champion, the on-campus paper. The alleged censorship mostly applied to criticisms of Trump.

In one allegation, Falwell reportedly directed staffers in 2016 to state the presidential candidate for which they were voting. At another point, Falwell told another editor to not run former Sports Editor Joel Schmieg's column disavowing Trump's "locker room talk" controversy. Schmieg then attempted to share his thoughts on Facebook, but later resigned when a faculty adviser communicated to him that he should refrain from repeating the action in the future. According to World Magazine, Schmieg said, "I didn't feel comfortable being told what I couldn't write about by President Falwell."

Well, OK Jerry, I guess even the LAWRD forgives you for this one. But apparently the censorship doesn’t end there! You know those dictator style purges that have been going on overseas in places like the Philippines and Turkey? Yeah the exact same thing is going on right here at home at Liberty University!

Officials at Liberty University fired two student editors with a history of mixed coverage from the institution’s newspaper, the second occasion in which the religious university has come under fire for press censorship.

World, a religious magazine, reported that Bruce Kirk, Liberty’s dean of the school of communication and digital content, in April told the editor in chief and news editor of The Champion that their positions were being eliminated in a “restructuring” of the newspaper.

But administrators replaced the two with a managing editor and an assistant content editor, which were similar to the roles that were cut, World reported.

The editor in chief lost his $3,000-a-semester scholarship. Four other journalists resigned from the paper.

World reported Kirk telling the new round of Champion staffers, “Your job is to keep the LU reputation and the image as it is … Don’t destroy the image of LU. Pretty simple. OK? Well, you might say, ‘Well, that’s not my job, my job is to do journalism. My job is to be First Amendment. My job is to go out and dig and investigate, and I should do anything I want to do because I’m a journalist.’ So let’s get that notion out of your head. OK?”

Liberty is led by President Jerry Falwell Jr., who was criticized in 2016 after he stopped The Champion from publishing a column that slammed then candidate Donald Trump for remarks on the notorious leaked Access Hollywood recording. Falwell, a vocal Trump supporter, said the column was “redundant,” as the newspaper had just run a piece about Trump.

Holy shit indeed! And you know by the way it’s no secret that Jerry Falwell Jr unrelentingly supports the Dark One, whose name shall not be named in my church.

In another Trumpian touch, students working on the newspaper staff who receive scholarships must now sign nondisclosure agreements, which include provisions against commenting on social media “about any publication of the Liberty Champion or its affiliated communication services.”

In his Newsmax piece, Falwell claims that one of the faculty members quoted in the World article, Dean of the School of Communication and Digital Content Bruce Kirk, “spoke for himself” and not “as a spokesman for the university, nor as a spokesman for me.”

Falwell’s claim is not very convincing, given that the remarks in question (recorded by a student) were made at a meeting called by the university administration, at which Kirk referred to his role as dean and asserted that the student journalists are beholden to the university and should approach their jobs with the starting point being “What’s going to happen that is positive for Liberty?” Kirk compared the university to a family business, founded by Jerry Falwell Sr. and handed down to his son.

In his non-rebuttal rebuttal at Newsmax, Falwell touts the university’s successes and says he has approved op-ed debates on both sides of controversial issues. Says Falwell, “My only goal in the recent restructuring was to take me out of the mix and instead delegate all editorial decisions to a faculty member.”

And it did escalate quickly! Of course, just like the Dark One, Falwell has picked a news outlet that caters to his interests only. And Liberty University has always been such a bastion of free speech, but in the era of the Dark One, is it any surprise what they’re really up to?

Liberty University junior Jack Panyard rejoiced on March 16 when newspaper adviser Deborah Huff told him he would be 2018-19 editor-in-chief of the weekly Liberty Champion—circulation 16,000.

For Panyard and the 15 other undergrad students on the college newspaper staff, the Champion was a beloved part of their daily lives. They hustled to the newspaper office between classes to write, edit, or just hang out. They spent weekends there. Panyard kept textbooks in the office and extra clothes in his desk in case he had to work through the night.

Despite some tension, the Champion staff had had a good year. Many of them studied together, watched movies together, and occasionally played the keyboard in copy editor Sarah Jackson’s house. They went out to eat at Shanghai Express, a Chinese restaurant Panyard described as “cheap and fatty,” and took trips together to tour Charlottesville, Roanoke, and Washington, D.C.

In the fall of 2017, assistant news editor Erin Covey told the group she had never been to a haunted house, so they went to Scaremare, Liberty’s evangelistic version. Just before Christmas, newspaper adviser Huff hosted a staff party. Early in 2018, Covey, editor-in-chief William Young, and news editor Panyard won first place for headline writing in the Virginia Press Association’s news and editorial contest. Young placed first in column writing.

There you have it! Liberty is so stubborn in their support of the Dark One that they’re actually resorting to a real life purge! Mass has ended, may you go in peace! That’s it this week for:

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[font size="8"]I Need A Drink
[br] [/font]

Hey Minneapolis, I really need a drink!

So you know the point behind this segment is that I have a few drinks and talk about *ANYTHING* in the news as long as it doesn’t involve politics. And yes I’m going to need some something even stronger than my usual Jack Daniels mixed with Jack Daniels for this one because, whew, it’s insane. So tell me bartender, what goes well with a Tinder date? A fuzzy navel? Nah. I’m not drinking that. I’ll just take my usual. So this story is out of New York City, and it’s like an onion - the more layers you peel back, the more it stinks and the more you’re likely to cry as a result. So here’s what happened.

Getting a match on Tinder is easy: Couple your best photos along with a witty bio and you’re bound to get a few bites. However, finding love on a dating app? That’s proven to be more difficult.

Dozens of men arrived at Union Square in New York City on Sunday wearing their best first-date outfits to listen to a DJ spin a few tracks, only to find out that they were all there to go on a date with the same woman.

Natasha Aponte, whose Instagram has since been made private, says she is a self-declared resident of “New York City Baby,” emits “positive vibes,” travels the world, and is an actress, model, and singer. However, she proved that she isn’t just a triple threat in her career — she’s a threat to young men’s hearts.

One man on Twitter wrote about the ordeal, stating that Natasha initially told him that she had a big work project and that she would get back to him. Originally, he assumed it was a very polite way of saying she wasn’t interested and had no intention of talking to him again, but then she messaged him two weeks later and invited him to Union Square.

No we’re not doing the Trumper Games, but this woman got the idea to put dozens of men into a mass Tinder date with the goal being a reality show style competition to win a date with her. And I mean come on you don’t even get a rose!

The woman whose fake Tinder date with dozens of men became a group competition and later went viral says the stunt was actually a social experiment.

Natasha Aponte, the woman who lured the would-be dates to a park in New York City last week, and Rob Bliss, the creative director behind the project, told "Good Morning America" Thursday that the ruse had been in the works for two years.

"The purpose of making this video was to simply take the Tinder experience and bring it into the real world," Bliss explained.

Aponte messaged dozens of men on Tinder and eventually asked them all to meet her at Manhattan's Union Square Park on Sunday. When they arrived, she jumped out on stage, delivered a speech and asked them to compete for the date.

While many of the men went home, a few stayed to partake in the competition.

Of course, because why take part in an insane competition if there’s no vodka involved? I mean this whole thing is nuts. And like I said it’s like an onion – the more layers you peel back, the more it stinks and the more you’re likely to cry as a result.

A woman has used the Tinder dating app to prank more than 100 men into showing up for a date that turned out to be a "Hunger Games"-style competition.

The New York Times reports that the woman identified as Natasha Aponte invited dozens of Tinder contacts to meet her in Manhattan's Union Square on Sunday for what they thought was a one-on-one date.

Instead, a woman who says she was Natasha told them they had to compete for a date with her.

She disqualified the men who were under 5-foot-10 (1.78 meters) and those named Jimmy, a name she dislikes. Then she asked the remaining contestants to perform pushups and footraces.

The stunt reportedly was videotaped by Rob Bliss, the man who shot a widely watched catcalling video in 2014.

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[font size="8"]Deep State Diaries Episode 10: The DMV
[br] [/font]

It’s time for episode 10 of Deep State Diaries. Yes we’re touring the 24 branches and services that make up the United States government. Everything from the FBI to the IRS to the Pentagon to the CIA to the DPW to the DVA to parks and recreation and all branches and services in between. Of course if you’re here you probably already know more about our government and how it works than your average Fox News loving Trump supporter does. So that’s what this segment is going to address. We are going to do a deep dive into all that makes the United States the United States. Because we here at the Top 10 love to educate as well as entertain. Because we care.

[font size="6"]The Department Of Motor Vehicles[/font]

Our next foray into the Deep State centers around the one branch of the government everyone loves to hate because it’s such a bureaucracy. That’s the Department of Motor Vehicles. The DMV’s overall attention to bureaucratic tendencies has become a running joke on TV shows including the Simpsons and Futurama – which took the DMV’s concept to new heights with the Central Bureaucracy. So why does this organization get such a bad rap? Why do people hate it so much? Well there’s plenty of reasons for that, and none of them are really good. Especially if you’re trying to get a new license, and there happens to be some janky computer software installed.

Idaho’s county sheriffs agree: The Idaho Transportation Department’s new driver’s license software is a wreck.

On Monday, ITD announced yet another breakdown of the system had shut down driver’s license services across the state. The problem, the agency said, was on the software vendor’s side and also affected other states that vendor serves.

At 7:25 a.m. Tuesday, the state agency said on Twitter that the system was back up. But by noon, ITD reversed course and told all sheriff-run DMV offices to “close their doors while troubleshooting continues,” according to a news release.

The Ada County Sheriff’s Office had already sent its DMV staff home by 11 a.m. due to continued problems.

So that’s just one state! Maybe it’s a department glitch? Maybe it’s a network glitch? Maybe it’s something with the system? Well no, try all of the above! The DMV is one of the jankier operations in our government and it definitely needs some improvement.

Some state employees have been able to skip the long lines at N.C. Division of Motor Vehicles offices this summer by going to a driver’s license office that’s open only to them.

The office, on the third floor of DMV headquarters on New Bern Avenue in Raleigh, has been used for years to test new equipment and procedures and to train workers. But starting in January, DMV invited employees at several state agencies to visit the office to get a REAL ID, a new type of driver’s license that satisfies federal identification standards that will take effect in 2020.

The existence of the state license office was first reported by WBTV in Charlotte, which referred to it as a “secret driver’s license office” used by “select state employees.” DMV Commissioner Torre Jessup bristled at that characterization, saying emails inviting people to use the office were sent to all employees of nine state departments, including Transportation, Public Safety, Agriculture and Consumer Services and Natural and Cultural Resources.

“It’s not secret. We sent out an email with the invitation,” Jessup said in an interview Tuesday. “This is just one part of the entire outreach for us to get people in to get their REAL IDs.”

Now here’s the real reason that people hate the DMV – the lines. Which is absolutely fucking ironic when you think about it since we live in an era where people will wait *DAYS* in line for expensive shit like phones and shoes, but they can’t be bothered to wait 2 hours in line to get their fucking drivers’ license renewed! Thank you Minneapolis!

Wait times at Southern California Department of Motor Vehicles offices have some drivers traveling hundreds of miles to avoid long lines.

The DMV in the high desert town of Needles has some of the shortest lines in the state, KABC reported. When a news crew arrived at 10:30 a.m. Monday, there were only two people waiting in line.

"It's really nice. Not like back at home in L.A. County," one customer said to KABC.

Although the DMV's long lines are infamous, the situation worsened when the DMV started processing information for California’s REAL ID. The modified license will be required for travel in some states and access to secure federal facilities after October 1, 2020.

A spokesperson for the DMV said the agency is monitoring wait times at all 172 field offices across the state.

Well at least they gave Otto a shot. But really this just dumbfounds me. People will travel so they don’t have to wait in line, but will gladly give up days to get a new iPhone! The hypocrisy is completely mind boggling! In fact there’s literally people who will wait in line for you! Just…. Ahhh!!!!!

Every Californian is forced to interact with the DMV occasionally, but we all try to limit in-person visits whenever possible because wait times have become so intolerable. The DMV has always been notorious for poor customer service; however, this year wait times have reached record levels and so have the complaints.

Part of the problem is due to a new type of driver’s license that started being offered in January. Back in 2005, Congress passed the REAL ID Act, which established federal security standards for government-issued identification. People who want to board airline flights, visit military bases or enter federal buildings using a driver’s license after Oct. 1, 2020 must have REAL ID-compliant identification. Due to these increased security standards, REAL ID must be obtained in person at the local DMV office. The influx of people applying for a REAL ID-compliant license is making already-long wait times even worse.

At the Department’s request, last year the Legislature appropriated it an extra $70 million to minimize wait times for its customers in anticipation of the additional workload caused by REAL ID. This money was specifically allocated to open 60 DMV field offices on Saturdays starting in January. However, I was shocked to recently discover that it wasn’t until Aug. 4th that all 60 field offices were finally open on Saturdays.

But there’s currently no plans to implement a fast lane at the DMV yet. So don’t go thinking that your time waiting in line is going to be cut short. That’s wishful thinking. There won’t be a VIP or early entry line at least any time soon.

Lines at the DMV are moving more quickly — at least according to the department’s director.

Director Jean Shiomoto says recent changes have shaved time off the average wait.

KCAL9’s Laurie Perez spoke with the director in Granada Hills Saturday while she toured the local DMV office.

Liz and Levi Deras knew spending Saturday morning at the DMV wasn’t going to be fun.

“I came here like around 8:30 and it’s 9:54, so an hour and a half,” said Liz.

Many drivers said they’ve noticed longer wait times.

“I’m beyond frustrated right now,” says Alicia Moran.

[font size="6"]Score Card [/font]

Overall importance: A
How Things Are Going: D-
Likely hood To Survive: B+

Overall: C-

[font size="6"]Next Week [/font]

Get out your paint brushes, polish your musical instruments, and get your scripts ready as we are going to check out the National Endowment For The Arts!

[font size="8"]And Now This:[/font]
[font size="8”]Bishop Briggs[/font]

Ladies and gentlemen, my next guest is a great singer songwriter who just released her debut album “Church Of Scars”. You can see her on tour everywhere this September and October. Now playing her song called “Baby” give it up for Bishop Briggs!

Minneapolis, we love you, we had an awesome time! We will be back soon, we promise! We’re off to Seattle next. See you next week!


Host: Initech
Top 10 Conservative Idiots Recorded In Front Of Live Audience At: Acme Comedy Club, Minneapolis, MN
Special Thanks To: Acme Comedy Club management
Also Special Thanks To: Twin Cities Podcast Festival
Holy Shit Gospel Choir: Holy Church Of The Nazarene Gospel Choir, St. Paul, MN
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Videos: All videos copyright belongs to respective copyright holders
Articles: All article content copyright belongs to respective copyright holders
Writing: Top 10 Writing Department
Graphics: Top 10 Graphics Department
Research: Top 10 Research Department
Lighting & Stage Props: Top 10 Lighting Department
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HR: Top 10 Human Resources Department
Initech’s Wardrobe Provided By: JAB Inc.
Wheel Of Corruption By: Studio 1 Stage Props, Burbank, CA
Bishop Briggs Appears Courtesy Of: Teleport Records
Management: Initech Productions, CCC Management
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Initech Productions: Yes, We Got The Memo

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