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Wed Aug 1, 2018, 05:00 PM

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #5-7: Yachty McYachtface Goes On A 3 Hour Tour Edition

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #5-7: Yachty McYachtface Goes On A 3 Hour Tour Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! What’s up St. Louis???? Nice to see there’s some awesome liberals in the Show Me State! We’re having a great time on the road here. This is our 4th stop and we’ve got plenty more coming through the rest of this season including our next stop in New York City, then we’re off to Detroit, Minneapolis, Seattle, San Jose, Oxnard, and then back home at the UCB Theater in Hollywood. Later in the year we’ll be hitting Nashville, Philly, Pittsburgh, Cincinatti, Denver, Lexington (new date added), Orlando, Atlanta and Washington DC. And… we are going to London, that’s in the UK don’t you know? Get your tickets! OK do we have time for the thing? OK I’ll make it short. We are not doing “People Are Dumb” this week but I got to talk about this story and it’s classic Florida. OK so… how… what… where… I can’t even. So this was in the Florida city of Jacksonville. Really, do you bring a gator when you go out on a beer run? Well this guy did and then he proceeds to literally use the gator as a weapon and accuse the convenience store of running out of beer. I mean come on if you’re going to go crazy, go all out! I’ve made a lot of beer runs in my life. I have never, not once thought to ever bring a live alligator with me. Shit, I wouldn’t even know where to get a live alligator! And this is one instance where I would say if you’ve got it, *DON’T* flaunt it! Maybe… leave the gator at home next time! OK that’s enough of the intro, we got a lot of idiocy to talk about. But first John Oliver is back and he trolls Facebook hard with a parody ad:

Wow, there was so much idiocy this week that once again it was impossible to contain it all. In the number one slot this week is the NRA (1) and the Trump administration is going to play “what would a dick do” and allow for the release of technology that allows you to 3-D print your own untraceable gun. In the second slot we’re going to lighten things up and tell you about how Betsy DeVos’ (2) $40 million yacht got defaced and sent out into the ocean. In the third slot this week is our Attorney General Jeff Sessions (3) who got in some trouble during a speech to conservative high school students while railing on “snowflakes” and we’ll delve into his “Religious Liberty Task Force”. Taking the fourth slot this week we have some more Profiles In #Civility (4) because once again there’s a metric fuck ton of these stories coming out. In the number 5 seed this week we have a new installment of “How Is This Still A Thing” and this week we’re going to ask “Donald Trump’s Star On The Hollywood Walk Of Fame: How Is This Still A Thing?”. Taking the sixth slot this week is a new installment of our weekly investigative piece “Top 10 Investigates” and this week we’re going to take a look at something called “Looksmax” – it’s an offshoot of the Incel movement with an added sense of self superiority. In the seventh slot this week is of course our weekly visit to the Holy Church Of The Top 10 in “Holy Shit” and this week our resident pastor is going to tell you about the latest foray of the Dark One's descent into autocratic rule with the creation of the Religious Liberty Task Force. In the number 8 slot this week we’ve got a new installment of “Explaining Jokes To Idiots” (8) and I don’t know if you have heard of this new Netflix series called “Insatiable” – is it a quirky high school revenge comedy – or is it insufferable fat shaming??? We will tell you the difference! In the number 9 (NEIN!!!) slot this week we’ve got a new installment of “I Need A Drink” and this week we’re going to get drunk and tell you about the guy who rigged the McDonalds Monopoly contest and took it for millions! Finally this week we’ve got a new edition of Deep State Diaries. Last week we showed you the inner workings of the food industry with the USDA, this week we’re going to see how our votes are validated by checking out what’s going on at the Federal Election Commission! And… holy shit, I can’t believe the musical guest we have on tonight. I’m really not worthy of appearing in front of the punk rock legends, I’m of course talking about Social Distortion! We’re not worthy! We’re not worthy! Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

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[font size="8"] The NRA & The Trump Administration
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OK so let’s play a game of “What would a dick do?”. Now let’s get a hypothetical situation going. You’re the NRA and your support is at an all time low and it’s continuing to decline especially since news has been coming fast and furious that you took Russian money and funneled it to your A+ members. So what do you do to take the heat off your membership? Why not… release documents and manuals that would allow anyone to 3-D print their own guns? Brilliant!

By the middle of this week, anyone with internet access will be able to download blueprints to 3D print an untraceable gun.

This idea came from the pro-gun group Defense Distributed, which was founded by Cody Wilson.

He posted his blueprints online five years ago and the U.S. State Department ordered him to take it down. However, Wilson fired back, citing free speech rights, and won a lengthy legal battle last week.

The guns, which will return to the internet Aug. 1, can be produced on a 3D printer without a serial number and can be produced without a background check.

Beyond the simple concern about unregistered weapons, some see other dangers with the 3D-printed firearms.

“Mostly because we see the great potential in terms of harm to the user that's unintentional because of the unsuitability of the material,” said Dave Dalton, operator of Hammerspace Community Workshop in Kansas City, Missouri.

Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! So really you want to make mass shootings worse by allowing anyone with a 3-D printer to make their own weapon? Fuck off! But there is some good news is that politicians are trying to block the spread of this.

Gun-safety activist Fred Guttenberg arrived in Washington to address the Democratic caucus on Monday, furious that Congress had failed to prevent the potential spread of 3-D-printed guns.

After a multiyear legal battle, the federal government last month entered into a settlement with Defense Distributed founder Cody Wilson, permitting him to publish his arsenal of firearm blueprints online. He intends to do so on Aug. 1. Lawmakers’ 11th-hour efforts have done nothing to halt his plans, and on Friday a federal judge denied a motion for an emergency injunction brought forward by a trio of gun-control groups.

Guttenberg, who has become a powerful voice against gun violence since his 14-year-old daughter was killed in the shooting at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, Fla., told The Washington Post he was dismayed by his visit to the Hill. Five weeks have passed since the settlement was signed, yet only a handful of senators were aware of it, he said, adding that not a single House member knew either.

“I don’t know how we got to this place and no one was paying attention,” he lamented. “This is the safety of this country and its citizens who are now at risk in their offices, in courthouses and on airplanes.”

You know things are fucked up when we have the most advanced technology in the history of mankind and our first thought is “how can we make things that kill people with it?”. But most everybody knows that this is a terrible idea except for you know gun nuts. But many states are planning to sue over this technology, like Washington.

Eight states are filing suit against the Trump administration over its decision to allow a Texas company to publish downloadable blueprints for a 3D-printed gun, contending the hard-to-trace plastic weapons are a boon to terrorists and criminals and threaten public safety.

The suit, to be filed Monday in Seattle, asks a judge to block the federal government's late-June settlement with Defense Distributed, which allowed the company to make the plans available online. Officials say that 1,000 people have already downloaded blueprints for AR-15 rifles.

"I have a question for the Trump Administration: Why are you allowing dangerous criminals easy access to weapons?" Washington Attorney General Bob Ferguson, a Democrat, said in a statement Monday. "These downloadable guns are unregistered and very difficult to detect, even with metal detectors, and will be available to anyone regardless of age, mental health or criminal history."

Joining the suit were Democratic attorneys general in Massachusetts, Connecticut, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, Oregon, Maryland, New York and the District of Columbia. Separately, attorneys general in 21 states urged Secretary of State Mike Pompeo and Attorney General Jeff Sessions on Monday to withdraw from the settlement with Defense Distributed, saying it "creates an imminent risk to public safety."

Yeah it’s cigarettes that are the problem, right, Homer? And by the way in case you’re wondering who’s really in charge on this issue, look no further than Trump himself who weighed on the subject. Seriously, he might as well wear a shirt that says “NRA approved” on it.

President Trump claimed on Twitter Tuesday that he had spoken with the National Rifle Association about 3-D printed guns and asserted that publishing instructions for making the weapons “doesn’t seem to make much sense!”

The tweet came just an hour after “Fox and Friends” ran a story on the attorneys general of eight states and the District of Columbia who filed a lawsuit against the Trump administration to keep blueprints for 3-D printed guns offline.

After reaching a settlement with the federal government in June, a Texas-based company plans to publish the instructions for 3-D printing weapons starting Aug. 1. The company, Defense Distributed, settled with the federal government after fighting the Obama administration in court for five years. The Obama administration argued that publishing the instructions for printing the weapons was a violation of firearm export laws, while Defense Distributed claimed the State Department was violating its First and Second Amendment rights.

Washington state Attorney General Bob Ferguson filed the lawsuit against the Trump administration in federal court in Seattle Monday and is asking the court for a temporary restraining order to keep the blueprints from going live on Wednesday.

Read more: https://talkingpointsmemo.com/livewire/trump-says-told-nra-3d-printable-guns-dont-make-sense

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[font size="8"]Betsy DeVos
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Let’s lighten things up a bit and talk about the least popular Secretary Of Education that the United States has ever had. After all this is a comedy show here. So if you missed it over the weekend, someone graffitied her $40 million yacht (one of 10) and set it afloat in Lake Huron. For what you might say was a 3 hour tour. Gee, where have I heard that before?

A $40 million yacht belonging to Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos was untied from its mooring at a Lake Huron marina, police said.

The SeaQuest, a 164-foot luxury yacht, registered under a Cayman Islands flag, was set adrift at the Huron Boat Basin, where it was docked.

"Around sunrise the crew woke to find the boat had been untied from the dock and was adrift," according to a vandalism report filed Sunday by the Huron Police Department.

The crew was able to regain control, but not before the ship struck the dock, suffering several scratches and scrapes, the report said.

The captain estimated that the collision caused between $5,000-$10,000 in damages.

Well I guess on the plus side, they didn't name it "Yachty McYachtface"! Maybe this is the New Adventures Of Yachty McYachtface? Or Yachty McYachtface Goes On A 3 Hour Tour? I don’t know – we’re just speculating here! But just the fact that Betsy DeVos owns a $40 million yacht is far from the least cringeworthy thing about this story. Their wealth is absolutely staggering.

Education Secretary Betsy DeVos’s extravagant multi-billion dollar lifestyle comes with a yacht scheduler, a gift buyer and a toy repairer, according to a new report detailing her family’s astounding fortune.

DeVos disclosed her family’s wealth and all its trimmings, including $580 million in assets, when she stepped into the role of education secretary in February, according to The Wall Street Journal. The Journal dug into her family’s office to reveal the many assistants they hire on, from a household administrative assistant to a personal assistant to take care of all their Christmas season needs from suggesting gift ideas, buying gifts and wrapping presents.

And if the Christmas toys get broken, they have a property manager who takes care of that along with other duties like ensuring that “doors are well-oiled to avoid squeaking.” With all holiday season quickly approaching, the DeVos clan has assistants to help with travel, too.

The DeVos’s household assistant helps the teens pick out “clothing and personal items to pack for travel” and another assistant helps schedule trips on their 10 boats, including a 164-foot boat named the “Seaquest." An associate captain oversees the scheduling of their yacht trips and a boat maintenance assistant coordinates their meals aboard while also following “proper table etiquette, service and entertaining protocol.”

That’s right. Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! That’s right – Betsy DeVos has over $600 million dollars in assets including multiple mansions, yachts, helicopters, jets and basically a whole fucking James Bond villain lair’s worth of vehicles. Oh but if you fact check that boat actually doesn’t belong to Betsy DeVos, OK! But that still doesn’t make it any better!

We have an update to Sunday's item about SeaQuest, the giant motor yacht docked in Milwaukee.

The boat doesn't belong to U.S. Department of Education Secretary Betsy DeVos and her husband, Dick, but to his father, Richard DeVos, and his wife, Helen, according to a spokesman for Dick and Betsy's DeVos' Grand Rapids, Mich.-based private investment management firm.

Greg McNeilly, chief operating officer of Windquest Group, said many people confuse Richard, the co-founder of Amway, and his son Dick. He provided the original 2008 bill of sale for the boat, from the manufacturer to RDV International Marine Limited, and a document transferring the only other share in RDV to Richard M. DeVos years earlier.

Various sites that track the manufacture, sale and movements of so-called superyachts, list Dick and Betsy DeVos as its owner. When asked Sunday if Betsy DeVos was aboard the boat and planning any Wisconsin appearances, a Department of Education spokesperson said she was not and did not, that at some other family must be using the boat.

McNeilly said Monday that Betsy DeVos keeps an "iron curtain" between her duties as a member of President Donald Trump's cabinet and her private life, and that government officials in her department likely had no idea who actually owned the SeaQuest.

Gilligan!!!!!!! By the way in case you’re wondering how much this little escapade cost, to a family worth billions, it’s the equivalent of fixing a paint scratch on your car. They probably have this much in their couch cushions !

Someone untied a yacht owned by the family of U.S. Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos in Ohio, causing the vessel to drift into a dock and incur up to $10,000 in damages, police said.

The $40 million, 163-foot (49-meter) yacht was moored at the Huron Boat Basin when the captain reported it became untied around 6 a.m. Sunday, The Blade reported.

The vessel, named the Seaquest, struck the dock and ended up with large scratches before the crew was able to get control of it.

DeVos was in Ohio earlier this month to tour a career center and a correctional treatment program. It's unclear why the yacht was in Huron.

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[font size="8"]Jeff Sessions
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Hey you know what? This might be the first Top 10 we’ve done in a long time where Trump hasn’t done anything stupid enough to get him a spot on the list! What????? Yeah how about a round of applause for that! But you know who is stupid and evil? Trump’s attorney general Jeff Sessions. Now… save your boos for later. Before we investigate what he did this week, we must first talk about what he did over the weekend!

Attorney General Jeff Sessions made light of some therapy practices on college campuses across the country, and accused some liberal universities of creating a generation of "snowflakes." While delivering remarks to Turning Point USA's High School Leadership summit, a right-wing non-profit organization, Sessions said that "far too many schools are complicit" in cracking down on students' First Amendment rights, preventing "genuine debate" to play out on the college campus.

"Whether you realize it or not, freedom of thought and speech on the American campus are under attack," Sessions warned.

Sessions cited "safe spaces," art therapy (a platform issue recently taken up by Vice President Mike Pence's wife Karen Pence) optional exams and therapy animals on campuses as "coddling" young people and preventing them from "scrutinizing the validity of their beliefs on the issue of the day."

"After the 2016 election, for example, they held a 'cry-in' at Cornell -- I hope they had plenty of tissues for them to cry on. They had therapy dogs on campus at the University of Kansas, and Play-Doh and coloring books at the great University of Michigan, for heaven's sake. I thought that was...you know, give me a break! Students at Tufts were encouraged to 'draw about their feelings.'"

With such practices, Sessions said, schools are doing "everything they can to create a generation of sanctimonious, sensitive, supercilious snowflakes." He called it a "disservice" to the students and nation alike.

Really Jeff? That’s what you have to complain about? Nothing else is mattering right now? We’ve solved all our problems? OK fine. But seriously why don’t you come up with solutions as to why today’s college students are overworked and overstressed! Or are you just going to complain about it? Complaining about it is easier.

Attorney General Jeff Sessions on Tuesday accused colleges of creating “a generation of sanctimonious, sensitive, supercilious snowflakes.” Sure, when it comes to handling free-speech scuffles, colleges have room to improve, said Howard A. Gillman, chancellor of the University of California at Irvine and a noted First Amendment scholar, in a Chronicle interview. But that’s not the best way to think about the issue, he said.

Gillman discussed ways colleges can “improve the quality of the conversation” about free expression. He also highlighted the security costs associated with protests and visiting speakers as a significant concern. Berkeley, he noted, spent nearly $4 million over a month on free-speech events, including a “free-speech week” that didn’t end up happening.

Yeah something tells me a “free speech week” might not be the best idea they’ve ever come up with, but seriously why are you continuing to bash Berkeley? Hold a grudge much? Oh yeah that’s *ALL* republicans do. While we’re trying to save our democracy from another Russian attack, they’re railing on “snowflakes”. Because, reasons. And by the way in case you’re wondering if he couldn’t be any more of a dick, look at what he told high school conservatives.

Attorney General Jeff Sessions chuckled and repeated "Lock her up" after the familiar Trump campaign rally chant rang out during his speech at a conservative conference for high school students on Tuesday.

The chant, President Donald Trump's pejorative mantra against political rival Hillary Clinton during the 2016 presidential election, occurred during the attorney general's appearance at Turning Point USA's High School Leadership Summit in Washington.

As Sessions commended attendees for fighting for conservative values, the crowd responded with cries of "Lock her up! Lock her up! Lock her up! Lock her up! Lock her up! Lock her up! Lock her up! Lock her up!"

Sessions then laughingly repeated the line.

"Lock her up," Sessions said once, chuckling. "I heard that a long time over the last campaign."

During his speech, Sessions decried what he sees as the silencing of young conservatives on college campuses to create a "generation of sanctimonious, sensitive, supercilious snowflakes." Sessions also praised the president, saying one of the things people liked about Trump was his willingness to stand up and express the views he thought were right.

That one was stupid enough that it got the double facepalm folks! And then he *DOUBLED* down on his chants to lock Hillary up while speaking to college students! Seriously, he doesn’t get it does he? But then again neither does this whole damned administration! I mean really, if you cry about crybabies, does that make you a crybaby yourself? Ah! Just think about it!

Universities are "coddling" students and not fostering an environment for developing capable adults, Attorney General Jeff Sessions told a group of high school students Tuesday.

"Rather than molding a generation of mature, well-informed adults, some schools are doing everything they can to create a generation of sanctimonious, sensitive, supercilious snowflakes," Sessions said.

Sessions made the statements during an address to the Turning Point USA's High School Leadership Summit in Washington, D.C. The AG said universities are "actively preventing" students from "scrutinizing the validity of their beliefs."

"After the 2016 election, for example, they held a 'cry-in' at Cornell. I hope they had plenty of tissues for them to cry on," he said. "They had therapy dogs at the University of Kansas. Play-Doh and coloring books at the University of Michigan for heaven's sakes. You know, give me a break. Students at Tufts were encouraged to 'draw about their feelings.'

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[font size="8"]Profiles In #Civility
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Regular viewers of the Top 10 will know by now that we started Profiles In #Civility because there are a *TON* of these stories that have been coming fast and furious lately. And we’re compiling all of these stories in one place that you can show to your conservative friends the next time one of them shoots their mouth off and calls for #Civility. So I want to start this week with one that really pissed me off, yeah it’s the one involving Mission: Impossible star Ving Rhames. Because I love these movies (Fallout is great, BTW) and he plays a great character in them. And you can’t even be safe in your own home anymore!

Actor Ving Rhames said he was a target of racial profiling earlier this year after Los Angeles police came to his home and held him at gunpoint in response to a neighbor calling 911.

Rhames, 59, recounted Friday during a radio interview promoting "Mission: Impossible Fallout," that he was watching television in his Santa Monica home when he heard noise coming from the backyard. He said he thought it was his two English bulldogs at first — only to quickly find out it was police.

"I get up, I open the door, there's a red dot pointed at my face from a 9 millimeter," Rhames said on Sirius XM's The Clay Cane Show on Friday. "And they say, 'Put up your hands.'"

Santa Monica police told NBC News that their officers do not carry laser-guided service weapons.

After following police instructions, one of the officers recognized Rhames because their sons went to the same school, the actor said. The officers then told him that a female neighbor had called police to report "a large black man was breaking into the house," Rhames added.

Seriously this is one situation where you might want to get to know your neighbors better, although I think Ving might want to take a raincheck on that one. Next up – there’s this story out of Colombus, Ohio. If you’re going to be a racist dick, maybe don’t be a racist dick when you’re sitting in a van with your work number and address on it!

The confrontation between the two strangers began as a traffic dispute on the North Side.

It should have ended there, on Morse Road at Interstate 71, with the honk of a horn. That’s where Charles Lovett left it.

Jeff Whitman didn’t.

Feeling wronged, Whitman showed up at Lovett’s house. That alone was unsettling; Lovett’s house was not right around the corner from the Tuesday morning encounter. It was almost two miles away.

People have been shot in situations that began like this, when a minor flash of road rage escalates. Given that, Lovett remained remarkably composed. He was so composed that he had the foresight to begin recording the encounter on his phone, a decision that would ensure that neither man would remain anonymous.

“Is there a reason you just followed me to my house?” he asks Whitman, who sits in his van at the end of Lovett’s driveway. At this point it is necessary to point out that Whitman is white and Lovett is black.

“I just want to let you know what a n----- you are,” Whitman says in the now viral video.

Holy shit! Oh by the way this particular story doesn’t end there. It gets crazier. In fact we might need the Sad Hulk Music for this part of the story. It naturally escalated from there once the internet got involved and you know what classy people the internet can be!


They shared his image online, overloaded his voicemail and flooded consumer websites like Yelp with hundreds of negative reviews, complete with images of the Ku Klux Klan and Hitler.

“Your type is not wanted in this country any longer, nor are your ‘heating and cooling services’ ever needed again,” reads one.

All of this has had the intended effect.

“It was an awful mistake and obviously I don’t know how to explain it, and it’s ruined my life and it’s ruined my family’s life,” Whitman says.

He says this in a voicemail left for me on Thursday, two days after he most definitely didn’t apologize when confronted by a local television reporter.

Now, in this message, he sounds despondent.

“I’m out of business, I’m completely out, I’m done, I’ll never work in Columbus again,” he says. “This has completely and thoroughly ruined my life.” The message ends abruptly.

So the moral of the story here is don’t be a racist dick while sitting in a work vehicle. We can all agree with that one can we? Next up – we go to my home state of California! And specifically the district adjacent to my home district is the home of Dana Rorabacher (R - Moscow). So what happened when Dana couldn’t answer tough questions? Guess what!

Over the past two years, The Daily Banter has repeatedly scrutinized California Congressman Dana Rohrabacher for his ties to Russia. Warned as early as 2012 that the Kremlin had been cultivating him as an asset, he continued to spout Kremlin talking points and meet with dubious actors, including Russian spy Maria Butina, whom he met with in 2015. More recently, he found himself duped by Sacha Baron Cohen, who filmed him endorsing his bogus guns-for-tots program on his show Who is America?

All these issues have made Rohrabacher, running for his 15th consecutive term in California’s 48th district, one of the most vulnerable Republicans in the 2018 midterms. But if you call his offices in Washington D.C. and Huntington Beach, CA, to register your dissent, you’ll be treated very poorly – or worse, reported to the police.

Ivy Perlman (name changed) is an activist from Los Angeles who currently lives in another state. Last week, she repeatedly called Rohrabacher’s offices with questions concerning these recent developments. Although any citizen is within their First Amendment rights to call a congressperson’s office, regardless of whether or not they live in their district, the Rohrabacher office refused to answer her questions and hung up on her multiple times, occasionally sending her straight to voicemail.

When Ivy called again, she found that the office had redirected her to the Capitol Police, who then placed a report with the LAPD’s Threat Assessments Unit and informed the Washington and Huntington Beach offices that they’d done so. Using her cell phone’s area code, they traced Ivy’s call back to the LA suburb where she was raised. Around 11:45 AM on Wednesday, July 18th, Ivy’s mother, Jen, found a card from the LAPD on her doorstep that read, “Ivy Perlman, please call me. Thank you.”

Hey Dana: ты сосать как личность! Thank you St. Louis! And then finally this last #Civility story I want to talk about this week is in Charlotte, North Carolina, and if you’re a racist and you’re going to use the N word, maybe you should learn that the word is not a catch-all!

Tin Nguyen and his partner, Cat Bao Le, say they will continue to confront white supremacists and hatred after an unknown white man banged on their door, yelled racial slurs, threatened to call police, and argued with them about a sign in their yard that says “F--- Donald Trump.”

The man told Nguyen and Le, “I’m gonna get you, n-----.”

Nguyen is a 38-year-old lawyer in Charlotte who defends people in immigration cases and whose mother and father were refugees from Vietnam in the late 1970s. Le, 37, is also Vietnamese-American and is executive director of the Southeast Asian Coalition, a youth and advocacy organization in Charlotte.

What happened to them is the latest in a string of high-profile cases where a white person is captured on cellphone video demeaning a person of color or threatening to call police.

“They want to police everything that we do,” Nguyen said Tuesday, speaking to reporters in front of his home.

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[font size="8"]How Is This Still A Thing
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St. Louis, it’s once again time to ask:

This week – Donald Trump’s Star On The Hollywood Walk Of Fame. How is this still a thing? In the year and a half since the inauguration, Trump’s star in front of the Dolby Theater on Hollywood Blvd has attracted a lot of negative attention. It’s been smashed, it’s had a wall built around it, it’s been urinated on, it’s been used as a target for dog feces, it’s attracted people fighting in front of it, and this week it’s been smashed again.

President Donald Trump's star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame was destroyed Wednesday morning by a man with a pickax that witnesses say he concealed in a guitar case, police said.

Officers were called around 3:30 a.m. to the star's location on Hollywood Boulevard near Highland Avenue, where they found a small pile of rubble in place of the star that Trump received in January 2007 for his role in the NBC show "The Apprentice."

The star-smashing suspect, who reported the crime to police, later turned himself in to Beverly Hills police after leaving the pickax at the scene, according to the Los Angeles Police Department. He called police and said, "See you soon," Lt. Karen Leong of the LAPD's Hollywood Division told the Los Angeles Times.

The suspect was identified as Austin Clay, 24, who was booked on suspicion of felony vandalism. His hometown was not immediately available.

And by the way if you’re considering visiting that area, it’s in a rather heavily visited spot on Hollywood Blvd, right outside the Dolby Theater. So if you’re a tourist vising the area or heading out to the Hollywood Bowl for a show, you might want to avoid this area.

A brawl between supporters of President Donald Trump and anti-Trump opponents broke out on the Hollywood Walk of Fame last night near the president’s damaged star.

The Los Angeles police are looking for two men that are shown assaulting three Trump supporters. They are also accused of stealing a camera.

A man who identified himself as Tony Hoff said on NBC-TV News that he and his friends knew that going to the star and dressing in full MAGA gear would provoke people. But he “didn’t expect” the chaos that happened.

The fights started around 9:30 PM near the corner of Hollywood Boulevard and Highland, just across from the theater where the Academy Awards are held. The Trump star has frequently been the scene of confrontations, and this week the star was destroyed by a man wielding a pickax.

The brawl resulted in Hoff sustaining a cut over his right eye and half-a-dozen blows. His companion, a female who was not identified, said they wanted to “incite conversations” and were “proud they stood up for what they believed.” She added that many productive conversations occurred before the violence.

Yes there were probably people betting on this. But as horrifying as this is, what might be the funniest thing right now is there are guys dressed as Russian soldiers guarding the site where the WOF plaque once stood.

A pair of fake Russian soldiers stood guard at the remains of President Trump’s Hollywood Walk of Fame star, days after a man destroyed it with a pickax.

The two stonefaced men, dressed in olive green uniforms and thick hats, were spotted “protecting” the star on Hollywood Boulevard this week.

The guards also reportedly braved the 90 degree California heat in their heavy outfits and were also seen carrying a Russian flag.

Now you’d think that would be enough for people to stay away, but Trump’s star on the Walk Of Fame, or what is left of it, has become the hottest tourist attraction in Los Angeles. So apparently maybe don’t do this in the future, kids. Because it can have some serious consequences.

A man who said he took a pickax to Donald Trump’s star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame early Wednesday has given himself up to police, authorities said.

The man strode up to Trump’s star off Hollywood Boulevard and Highland Avenue about 3:30 a.m. and proceeded to destroy the majority of it, including bashing through Trump’s name plate, police said.

The man was carrying the pickax in a guitar case, according to KNBC-TV.

After bashing through the plaque, the man “called police and advised he had vandalized Donald Trump’s star and basically called on himself and said, ‘See you soon,’” said Lt. Karen Leong of the LAPD’s Hollywood Division.

Private security officers in the area attempted to intervene but couldn’t stop the man because they don’t have police powers, she said.

“I think they did the best they could,” she added.

Yes but apparently there won’t be any bad court thingys here. So why is this still a thing you might ask? With all the controversy surrounding the star, why wont it get taken down? Because the committee that runs the HOF won’t take down anything, that’s why!

Donald Trump’s Hollywood Walk of Fame star will not be removed, despite being vandalized and then fought over by rival protesters, TMZ reported on Sunday.

According to the Los Angeles Police Department, keeping the star was not an easy decision. The LAPD and Hollywood Chamber of Commerce said that removing it could trigger attacks on other celebrities’ stars.

On Thursday, Trump’s star, while damaged and roped off, became a battleground for Trump supporters and opposers.

Trump supporting YouTuber Elijah Schaffer and Trump opposer, Instagram star “Real Snake Boy,” along with Schaffer’s bodyguard, Tony, ended up in a fight over Trump's divisive politics.

So that explains why the Hollywood COC won’t remove stars even if they have a controversial nature attached to them. But why? Why won’t they remove stars you might ask? Well the answer is much more than just “we say so”.

In 2016, Otis Elevator heir James Otis walked up to Donald Trump’s Hollywood Walk of Fame star, sledgehammer and pickaxe in hand. “I decided I just sort of had enough about the sexual abuse and the sexual misconduct towards women,” he told CBS News soon after. “And I realized there was many women in my own life who’ve experienced that sort of sexual abuse. So I said I’ve gotta come up and do something.”

That something was smashing the star to pieces, which was the most damage the star had ever seen... until this week, when the star was pulverized by protester Austin Clay yet again. (Amazingly, Clay was bailed out by none other than James Otis.) By now, the Hollywood Chamber of Commerce, which oversees the Walk, is used to fielding requests for comment about the star. In response to The Outline the Chamber sent over a boilerplate statement carrying the weariness of someone who would really prefer to stop talking about this.

“To reiterate: The Hollywood Walk of Fame is an institution celebrating the positive contributions of the inductees,” said Leron Gubler, President/CEO of the Hollywood Chamber of Commerce. “When people are unhappy with one of our honorees, we would hope that they would project their anger in more positive ways than to vandalize a California State landmark. Our democracy is based on respect for the law. People can make a difference by voting and not destroying public property.”

There you have it – that explains why the HOF will never remove stars. That’s enough to make you ask – Donald Trump’s Star On The Hollywood Walk Of Fame:

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[font size="8"]To p 10 Investigates: Looksmaxing
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St. Louis, it’s time to investigate beyond the headlines. This is Top 10 Investigates!

The era of social media has given rise to some very crazy movements, both good and bad, that you might not have heard of. It’s also given rise to celebrities who wouldn’t otherwise be celebrities. In the last two years, and especially in the last six months since the devastating terror attack in Toronto that killed 8 people, you might have heard of a burgeoning movement called “Incels”. These people – primarily young, under 25 males, call themselves “involuntarily celibate”. But recently, the Incel movement has broken off and given birth to a newer movenement called “Looksmax”. Here is how the Looksmax movement is defined.

It’s late on a Friday, and hundreds of men are browsing the forum Lookism.net. A new member logs on and posts two photos showing the lower half of his face.

“What surgeries/implants are needed to fix this?” he asks. “As you can see I have a recessed jaw/chin.”

The replies come swiftly: “It’s not just your chin. Your upper lip is retruded as well. Orthognathic surgery if you can afford it. Chin implant or [genioplasty] if you can’t. You should also look at jaw angle implants,” someone responds. “Start saving.”

It’s a typical exchange on the message board, where new posts continue to pop up throughout the night with men asking other men for physical evaluation and advice.

“Rate my face.” “I already know I’m ugly.” “Dropped 7K on a nose job.” “Candid photo of my profile reveals my subhumanity.” “I don’t even leave the house anymore, I don’t want to be seen.” “No Tinder matches in first 24 hours — is it over?” At one point, someone compares the skull sizes of Justin Bieber and Zayn Malik, carefully assessing which pop star has a more masculine-shaped head.

Yes unfortunately these people have probably never seen Fight Club. Think of Looksmaxing like the Incel movement but with an added sense of both self superiority and self loathing. But in order to further understand the Incels and the Looksmaxers we must first begin to understand their language.

Michael had never even heard of incels until he accidentally stumbled onto a YouTube video criticizing men whose identities centered on their being involuntarily celibate. The high school student—who declined to share his real name in an article that might portray him as an angry virgin—had long struggled to date women, and the clip had the opposite of its intended effect: he actually found himself agreeing with arguments that were supposed to make him cringe. Suddenly, Michael realized, he had a proper term for what he now calls his "condition," and when he plugged "incel" into Google, he ended up on subreddits that provided an entire vocabulary around which to order his existence.


"At first, 'low inhib,' [but] I later made the inference that it meant somebody who was shameless, and pretty much acted out with little to no regret," he told me. "'Beta-bux' was extremely confusing, but then I figured out that it just meant some unattractive man [who] literally used his abundance of money to keep a mildly attractive woman by their side, and if the money wasn't even a variable, the relationship wouldn't exist."

The incel world is not unique within the wide array of misogynist and other fringe American subcultures for providing adherents a shared dialect with which to spread toxic ideas. But if you're not already steeped in the primordial muck of the broader manosphere, it can be exceedingly difficult to parse what these people are talking about, and why. As J.M. Berger, an analyst of the intersection between radical ideology and social media and author of the forthcoming book Extremism explained, the incel community is still relatively new, small and understudied. "Another complicating factor is that a lot of different ideological strains are currently consolidated under the alt-right heading," he told me. "Drilling down into the component parts of the alt-right is a challenge, and it's sometimes easier for people to just treat it as a more cohesive group than it actually is."

But given incels' demonstrated capacity for murder, and the broader reality that much of the violence in American life is perpetrated by men against women, it can be helpful to have a general idea of how these people think—and how they talk. What follows is a brief guide to 32 of the most common phrases used across the murky forums and subreddits populated by incels, along with an attempt to grapple with the ubiquity of each term in what amounts to a noxious alternate reality.

That’s about the most accurate way of describing Looksmaxing that we can think of. But there’s even more method to the madness than a strange vocabulary and way of looking at the world and even themselves. Incels and Looksmaxers live in a dangerous subculture. One where murder and other horrifying thoughts lurk.

Ben, who tweets from the handle @BenIsYourHero and declined to give his full name, found the image in a closed Facebook group called “Incels say the darndest things,” a gathering place where users mock and argue against the work of the “involuntary celibate” community. Soon, his tweet went semi-viral, popping up on blogs, anti-incel Tumblrs, and incel subreddits.

The term incel, a self-adopted label for a group of men who blame women and feminism for their inability to find sexual partners, first gained public notoriety in 2014, when Elliot Rodger killed six people in Santa Barbara, California, in “retribution” for women refusing to give him the sex he believed he deserved. It entered mainstream discourse again in 2018, when Alek Minassian allegedly killed 10 people in a Toronto vehicular attack after praising Rodger on Facebook and declaring “the Incel Rebellion has already begun!”

Incel culture has flourished online, where like-minded men post unsigned messages on Reddit, 4chan, and incel message boards, describing their most sinister fantasies about worlds in which women are collected like tax dollars and redistributed for sex. These insular communities have developed an in-group lingo that’s tricky for outsiders to parse. When a community that’s highly anonymous, decentralized, and often contradictory becomes fodder for memes, which are easily stripped of their provenance and edit history, it becomes extremely difficult for observers to understand and contextualize what they’re seeing. Memes can provide crucial insight into what’s really going on in incel forums. They can also warp the truth. Whether a meme is a bit of primary-source incel doctrine, a hyperbolic riff on an in-joke, or a work of satire can be impossible to determine if you don’t spend hours a day steeping yourself in the native language of incel culture.

That is probably the way Incels and Looksmaxers see themselves. But if you want to see what kind of celebrity the Incels make their own, look no further than this.

Incel is shorthand for “involuntary celibate”, a term used to describe (largely) men who are not only serially rejected by women romantically and sexually, but also feel that they are being denied sex that they are in some way owed. Their justification for this entitlement is rooted in the fact that they consider themselves physically attractive, or at least think they are “nice guys”. This has caused them to develop a universal hatred of women for repeatedly rejecting them despite these perceived good qualities. Born in the depths of Reddit and 4chan, the term entered public discourse after the south California shooting by “incel hero” Elliot Rodger in 2014, and re-emerged earlier this year following the Toronto van attack by self-proclaimed incel Alek Minassian.

When it comes to Love Island’s Alex, he fits the perfect archetype of an incel: he’s stereotypically attractive, an A&E doctor who saves lives, has indicated that he feels he is owed attention, and has, generally speaking, failed to secure it. Incels have flocked to Reddit and 4chan to support “our boy” Alex, seeing him as a mainstream reinforcement of their incel beliefs. This fandom was bolstered by the nation’s own (and admittedly waning) Alex fandom – with the Twitter hashtag for the show previously rife with support for Alex. For his incel fanbase, the widespread support became the perfect rationale for their own incel-related gripes: How could the nation’s successful, attractive, loveable sweetheart still not manage to get a girlfriend?

There you have it, that’s not only how Incels see themselves, it’s what kind of celebrities they call their own. That’s it this week for Top 10 Investigates. Good day.

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[font size="8"]Holy Shit
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Gather around, my fair brothers and sisters of St. Louis, it’s time to take a seat in the pew and pass the collection plate! For the Holy Church of the Top 10 has convened and it’s our weekly duty to remind you why the holiest among us are also the most full of:

My fair congregation! You know in these deeply divided times we live in, the one person who you can always count on is the good LAWRD JAYSUS! In fact people who work under the Dark One are praising JAYSUS so heavily that they now are going to feel the need to force their beliefs on others. In fact, our current Attorney General – the one who they call Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III, feels that the time is now to fully expunge separation of church and state! Behold!

The Trump administration has consistently championed a narrow view of religious liberty in America. But the Justice Department’s latest religious liberty initiative may be the most far-reaching — and potentially troubling — one yet.

On Monday, Attorney General Jeff Sessions announced the creation of a “Religious Liberty Task Force” that will enforce a 2017 DOJ memo ordering federal agencies to take the broadest possible interpretation of “religious liberty” when enforcing federal laws. That memo, for example, prohibits the IRS from threatening the tax-exempt status of any religious organization that actively lobbied on behalf of a political candidate, which is not allowed under the Johnson Amendment.

In a bold speech delivered at the Justice Department’s Religious Liberty Summit, Sessions characterized the task force as a necessary step in facing down the prevailing forces of secularism. “A dangerous movement, undetected by many, is now challenging and eroding our great tradition of religious freedom,” he said, which “must be confronted and defeated.”

The task force will be spearheaded by Associate Attorney General Jesse Panuccio and Assistant Attorney General for the Office of Legal Policy Beth Williams. The Advocate reports that in 2010, Panuccio, as an attorney, defended supporters of Proposition 8, a 2008 ballot measure that banned same-sex marriage in California for nearly five years. More specific details of the task force’s structure and organization have not yet been announced.

Yes, even JAYSUS thinks this is ridiculous! So much for that thing we call the First Amendment, which guarantees that anyone can practice any religion they like. But be it not for the ultra paranoid, completely insane Christians, we would not be in this mess! But here we are!

Today, HRC blasted the Trump-Pence Administration’s creation of a taxpayer-funded task force as part of their ongoing campaign to license discrimination against LGBTQ people in the public square. Attorney General Jeff Sessions announced the creation of the task force this morning at the U.S. Department of Justice alongside anti-LGBTQ extremists from Alliance Defending Freedom and the Colorado baker who refused to serve a gay couple in violation of the state’s nondiscrimination law. It will be led by Jesse Panuccio, who was an attorney in 2010 for supporters of Proposition 8, California’s same-sex marriage ban.

“This taxpayer funded task force is yet another example of the Trump-Pence White House and Jeff Sessions sanctioning discrimination against LGBTQ people,” said HRC Legal Director Sarah Warbelow. “Over the last 18 months, Donald Trump, Mike Pence and Jeff Sessions have engaged in a brazen campaign to erode and limit the rights of LGBTQ people in the name of religion. The Attorney General standing shoulder-to-shoulder this morning with anti-LGBTQ extremists tells you everything you need to know about what today’s announcement was really all about.”

You know ladies and gentlemen give it up for the Top 10 Gospel Choir! How great are they? So you know who the target is? It’s really just an elaborate dog whistle to the Dark One’s even darker base because we have had countless stories about just how sinful they can be! And in our good book it doesn’t say that, it invokes the golden rule – “judge not lest ye be judged” and that is the only sin in our book, and breaking it is EVIL!!! Can I get an amen?

The Trump administration has a tough time making its case to evangelical voters. Convincing them of the existence of a war on religion helps.

On Monday, Jeff Sessions stood before the assembled crowd at a "Religious Liberty Summit" in Washington and assured the largest and most powerful demographic group in America that their years of suffering unimaginable cruelty at the hands of the federal government would soon come to an end. "This Department of Justice is going to court across America to defend the rights of people of faith," he declared, announcing the formation of a Religious Liberty Task Force to ensure that the DOJ effectively implements its guidance on the subject, both in the office and also in court. "As our nation grows older, we must not let it depart from this noble tradition."

Sessions' speech, on its face, does not pertain only to Christianity. But in his descriptions of "our great tradition of religious freedom," the subtext is text: He bemoaned the inability of "ministers" to "affirm...holy writ from the pulpit," and applauded the legal battle over contraceptives waged by the Little Sisters of the Poor. He excoriated judges for refusing to hold that "morality" can be the basis for secular laws. He fondly name-checked Pilgrims, Catholics, Presbyterians, and other Christian groups who settled this country after fleeing persecution in Europe. And he invited Jack Phillips, the bakery owner who refused to serve a same-sex couple in Colorado, to speak as a panelist. Thanks to President Trump, he reminded the audience, we say "Merry Christmas" again.

Yes and listen to the good LAWRD! Because that’s not how any of this works! You know the Constitution says one thing and the book sayeth another, let’s not combine the two of them! So how is this going to work you might ask? Well it’s essentially going to give the Christian right an excuse to be bigger dicks than they already are!

WASHINGTON — American culture has become "less hospitable to people of faith," Attorney General Jeff Sessions said Monday in vowing that the Justice Department would protect people's religious freedom and convictions.

Sessions spoke at a Justice Department summit on religious tolerance at a time when courts have been asked how to balance anti-discrimination laws against the First Amendment's religious freedom guarantees. He also announced the creation of a "religious liberty task force" to implement Justice Department guidance on respecting and accommodating religious beliefs, including those of department employees.

Conservative groups immediately praised Sessions for promising to protect deeply held religious convictions, though critics of the Trump administration have repeatedly voiced concerns that the attorney general's stance undercuts LGBT rights and favors the rights of Christians over those of other faiths.

Sessions, the country's chief law enforcement officer, warned Monday of a "dangerous movement" that he said was eroding protections for religious Americans.

There you have it – only the truly paranoid would think their freedoms are being eroded! Mass has ended may you go in peace! That’s it this week for:

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[font size="8"]Insatiable: Fatty Patty’s Revenge
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OK… OK. So we got another week and another batch of idiots who just quite don’t get humor. I mean really if these people had been around in the 90’s, Chris Farley would not have had a career. And the Austin Powers sequel, which featured a character called “Fat Bastard” would have never been made, because the fat police would have accused them of fat shaming. Now the subject of body image in the 2010s is a tricky one because we have this thing called the “internet” and they can be a tad, well, let’s just call them “judgmental”. But really the fat police – and this is coming from someone who is in no way shape or form small – are as insufferable as the condition they are angry about!

A woman’s petition to cancel Netflix’s upcoming dark comedy series “Insatiable” gathered more than 118,000 signatures on Change.org on Tuesday. Signatories have decried the project as a “tone-deaf” venture that encourages “fat shaming.”

The series stars Debby Ryan as a high schooler who is bullied for being overweight, before losing weight when she’s forced to get her jaw wired shut after being punched in the face by a homeless man. Several took to social media to protest the trailer, which shows Ryan with and without a fat suit to represent her character’s unplanned weight transformation that garners positive attention from her classmates, whom she wishes to take vengeance on.

“For so long, the narrative has told women and young impressionable girls that in order to be popular, have friends, to be desirable for the male gaze, and to some extent be a worthy human … that we must be thin,” the petition reads. “This series needs to be cancelled. The damage control of releasing this series will be far worse, insidious, and sinister for teenage girls, than it will be damaging for Netflix in their loss of profit.”.

Seriously – that guy would not have a career today if the fat shaming police had been around in the 1990s. But what the fuck? Have you seen the show? Are you in a position to judge where you’ve actually seen it? No? OK then thanks for playing!

And so to Insatiable, a Netflix comedy-drama that has yet to air, but is already the subject of a petition calling for it to be banned. A single one-minute-52-second trailer has been released, from which it can be inferred that the story concerns an overweight girl who is the victim of bullying. Owing to a plot device, she has to have her jaw wired shut during a summer holiday. The side-effect of this is that she loses weight. She returns to school looking like the classic high school princess – and hellbent on bloody revenge. From the looks of the trailer, chaos ensues. As one might expect in a comedy-drama.

At the time of writing (although the number is climbing fast), almost 170,000 signatories are demanding Insatiable never be aired, on the basis that it is “fat-shaming”. When I read this, my naive assumption was that the entire series must have leaked online, giving a complete overview of the story arcs, nuances and so on. But no – people who really do imagine themselves to be progressives really are calling for a creative work to be banned on the basis of a trailer. All manner of furious commentators weighed in, railing against what they think it is about, producing some fantastically witless statements, including a widely quoted one from someone who explained “physical violence is not an OK response to bullying”. Good point! Also, murder is terrible. There should be no shows about it.

OK so here’s the thing people – we get the idea of body shaming. And you know what, unlike Planet Fitness, we really are a judgement free zone! But don’t immediately judge it without seeing it first, that is what we call “shooting the messenger”. And that is something we are *NOT* cool with, because we’re the messengers, damn it! Even the stars are defending the show!

Ryan also said that she and the show's writer and showrunner, Lauren Gussis, felt it was important that in scenes where Patty was heavier, her size was not used "as a punchline" and the abuse the character suffers is never justified.

Gussis also put out her own statement on Twitter, saying that she was suicidal as a teen and that she wanted revenge on her own bullies. She said this caused her to develop an eating disorder and "the kind of rage that makes you want to do dark things."

"This show is a cautionary tale about how damaging it can be to believe the outsides are more important — to judge without going deeper," Gussis wrote. "Please give the show a chance."

Still, users on Twitter are already criticizing "Insatiable."

"What purpose do the false sexual assault accusations in the script serve, though?" actress Mara Wilson wrote, seemingly responding to an undisclosed plot line in the show.

In a Twitter thread, Nabela Noor, a beauty vlogger, wrote that the trailer "repelled" her, and asked for a show where an overweight girl loves herself as she is.

So really yeah we know fat shaming is a thing and it’s not a pleasant one. But at least give the show some time to come to fruition. Remember all the hoopla surrounding the flick “I Feel Pretty” by the same people for the same reasons? I mean come on they made Amy Schumer apologize for her own damn movie!

It’s 2018 and nobody wants to see Debby Ryan in a fat suit.

Let’s just get that out of the way first.

Yet that’s how she appears in the 90-second trailer for her new teen show "Insatiable," which premieres August 10 on Netflix. In the promo, released last week, we meet Patty, an apparently miserable, tormented, fat teenager who has her jaw wired shut following an attack in a parking lot. When she returns to school, she’s newly thin and determined to exact revenge on her high school bullies.

The Twitter backlash was swift with some calling the show “fat torture porn” and others citing it as an example of fat tropes that need to be eliminated. One person asked, "Why was it necessary for Patty to lose weight? Why couldn’t a fat person get revenge?"

When I was a teenager, I was a clerk at a video store hellbent on collecting fees from customers who returned movies after our midnight deadline. After closing one night, I was up at the front of the store alone. A man rapped on the window as he dropped his tapes through the outdoor slot.

Fat torture porn? I don’t remember that section on Porn Hub! So if there’s one thing I want to say to the fat shaming police is this – and I will shout it from the rooftops! LIGHTEN THE FUCK UP!!!! Seriously, have a sense of humor about yourselves. Remember I mentioned Chris Farley? He made a whole career out of it! And take a page from our favorite animated programs! The Simpsons? Homer is fat! Family Guy? Peter Griffin is fat! South Park? Cartman is fat! But not these people, they won’t have any of it!

Alyssa Milano on Friday defended the upcoming Netflix series "Insatiable" after social media users accused the show of fat-shaming. The dark comedy focuses on a teenager named Patty, who has been bullied over her weight, but gets revenge on her bullies after she becomes thin.

Milano, who co-stars on the show, addressed the critics and said, "We are not shaming Patty. We are addressing (through comedy) the damage that occurs from fat shaming. I hope that clears it up." The actress linked to an article about the show in Teen Vogue that talks about the nuances of the series.

The trailer for "Insatiable" was released Thursday. It shows Patty, a high schooler who classmates call "Fatty Patty," played by actress Debby Ryan. After Patty gets her jaw wired shut during the summer, she returns to school "hot." In a voiceover, Patty refers to herself as a "former fatty," and the teen is ready for payback against anyone who was mean to her.

On the show, disgraced attorney Bob Armstrong (played by Dallas Roberts) sees Patty's potential as a beauty queen and takes her under his wing as he coaches her for beauty pageants. Milano plays his wife, Coralee.

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[font size="8"]I Need A Drink
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Hey St. Louis, I really need a drink!

So you know the deal behind this segment is that we kick back, have some drinks, and talk about anything in the news as long as it doesn’t relate to politics. Because there’s so much bad shit in the news right now that it really makes one want a nice stiff glass of Jack doesn’t it? So bartender, tell me, what goes well with a Big Mac? A Big Mac martini? What’s in that? Thousand island and vodka? I’ll just stick with my usual Jack Daniels mixed with Jack Daniels. So this week we’re going to tell you about the guy who bilked McDonalds out of millions.

A wild story about a network of criminals arrested on charges that they defrauded McDonald's out of more than $24 million through its Monopoly promotion is making the rounds on the internet after Jeff Maysh unearthed the full account in a Daily Beast report over the weekend.

The story dates back to the 1990s, when Jerry Jacobson, a former police officer, set up a scheme to provide winning McDonald's Monopoly pieces in exchange for a cut of the money, the report says.

Launched in 1987, McDonald's Monopoly game is one of the fast-food chain's longest-running marketing promotions. Customers collect the Monopoly game pieces and tokens attached to McDonald's packaging for a chance to win up to $1 million.

In the 1980s, Jacobson took a job at a specialty printing company, where he worked with one of its clients, Simon Marketing, on its $500 million McDonald's account, The Daily Beast reported. He went on to be hired by Simon Marketing and was responsible for overseeing the printing of McDonald's game pieces and transporting them from the production presses to the packaging factories. He was known for running a tight ship, the report says.

Yes where’s my drink? Ah thank you waitress! And by the way give it up for the wait staff here at Helium – truly great. The greatest, OK? Nobody is greater! Back on topic – so holy shit! $24 million and all it took was running his own printing company? So who gets to play him in the movie?

Ex-cop Jerome Jacobson ended up claiming over $24 million (£18 million) in cash and prizes, ripping off millions of game-playing customers in the process, and thanks to his court case coinciding with 9/11 he has been forgotten by history.

However, an investigation by Daily Beast crime reporter Jeff Maysh this week has revealed the sheer scale of the scam to the world.

Temptation proved too much for Jacobson, who ended up in control of the Monopoly instant prize tickets through his security job at a marketing firm, and despite having an accountant shadow him as he delivered them to restaurants he still managed a quick visit to the toilet to pilfer them.

But stealing the prize tickets was just the start, as he had develop a national network of gangsters, friends, family, ex-drug dealers, gamblers, a family of Mormons and his butcher to claim the prizes which included cars and $1 million cash prizes.

He even sent a winning $1 million ticket to a children’s hospital in Tennessee, because he could. His gave his step-brother, who was rich anyway, winning $1 million tickets which he gave to the Salvation Army or flushed down the toilet.

Excuse me a minute… I love that scene! So he sent a million dollar ticket to a children’s hospital because he could. Congratulations, Jerome! You screwed over some needy kids! That sounds like a very Trumpian thing to do. “I hire the best people, OK?”. So how was this contest rigged? How was he able to get away with such a heist? And more importantly – who gets to play him in the movie? I personally say Will Ferrell but that depends since I couldn’t find a picture. Anyway…

On August 3, 2001, a McDonald’s film crew arrived in the bustling beach town of Westerly, Rhode Island. They carried their cameras and a giant cashier’s check to a row of townhouses, and knocked on the door of Michael Hoover. The 56-year-old bachelor had called a McDonald’s hotline to say he’d won their Monopoly competition. Since 1987, McDonald’s customers had feverishly collected Monopoly game pieces attached to drink cups, french fry packets and advertising inserts in magazines. By completing groups of properties like Baltic and Mediterranean Avenues, players won cash or a Sega Game Gear, while “Instant Win” game pieces scored a free Filet-O-Fish or a Jamaican vacation. But Hoover, a casino pit boss who had recently filed for bankruptcy, claimed he’d won the grand prize–$1 million dollars.

Like winning the Powerball, the odds of Hoover’s win were 1 in 250 million. There were two ways to win the Monopoly grand prize: find the “Instant Win” game piece like Hoover, or match Park Place with the elusive Boardwalk to choose between a heavily-taxed lump sum or $50,000 checks every year for 20 years. Just like the Monopoly board game, which was invented as a warning about the destructive nature of greed, players traded game pieces to win, or outbid each other on eBay. Armed robbers even held up restaurants demanding Monopoly tickets. “Don’t go to jail! Go to McDonald’s and play Monopoly for real!” cried Rich Uncle Pennybags, the game’s mustachioed mascot, on TV commercials that sent customers flocking to buy more food. Monopoly quickly became the company’s most lucrative marketing device since the Happy Meal.

Inside Hoover’s home, Amy Murray, a loyal McDonald’s spokesperson, encouraged him to tell the camera about the luckiest moment of his life. Nervously clutching his massive check, Hoover said he’d fallen asleep on the beach. When he bent over to wash off the sand, his People magazine fell into the sea. He bought another copy from a grocery store, he said, and inside was an advertising insert with the “Instant Win” game piece. The camera crew listened patiently to his rambling story, silently recognizing the inconsequential details found in stories told by liars. They suspected that Hoover was not a lucky winner, but part of a major criminal conspiracy to defraud the fast food chain of millions of dollars. The two men behind the camera were not from McDonald’s. They were undercover agents from the FBI.

Yes… I’ll take some more Jack please! Thank you! So holy shit! This *IS* a real life crime movie waiting to happen! So anyway this goes on to further explain just how crazy the odds of you actually winning even a PT Cruiser or even a million dollars are:

He read small print that revealed how the odds were stacked against the customer: McDonald’s makes one piece from each set of properties extremely rare, so while thousands have three of the four railroads, the odds of pulling the Short Line Railroad—and winning a PT Cruiser—were 1 in 150 million.

Come on let’s face it, the PT Cruiser probably isn’t worth $100 these days. What? It’s a PT Cruiser! I’ve driven these cars – they’re the shittiest cars known to man! So that’s where you draw the line then sir, are you serious? Security! Thank you. PT Cruiser fan in the audience. But here’s how the FBI finally caught the guy:

Before each bi-annual game, Jacobson arrived at the drab Dittler Brothers’ office at 5 a.m to observe their Omega III supercomputer making the McDonald’s prize draw. He watched the printing presses that roared for 24 hours a day for three months, using 100 railroad cars of paper to print half a billion game pieces. Laid end-to-end, the paper tickets would stretch from New York to Sydney–nearly two tickets for every American. Jacobson observed technicians applying the “INSTANT WINNER!” stamp to blank game pieces, and pioneered random watermarks that deterred counterfeiters. He locked the winning pieces in a vault behind coded keypads and dual-entry combination locks. It was Jacobson who personally scissored out the high-value game pieces and slipped them into envelopes, before sealing each corner with a tamper-proof metallic sticker. In a secret vest, of his invention, Jacobson transported the winning pieces to McDonald’s packaging factories across the country.

Everything he did was overseen by an independent auditor. On flights she sat in coach, while Jacobson flew first class, where he tried to impress other passengers by flashing his old police badge. On one flight, Jacobson and another security manager sent an air steward back to show the accountant the empty liquor bottles they’d guzzled. When they arrived at the factory, Jacobson would summon a forklift of french fry containers, hide the winning game piece, and send it into the wild. Then he liked to hit a Ruth’s Chris steakhouse and order “everything”–more than he could eat, and charge it to his expense account.

[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]Deep State Diaries Episode 7: The Federal Election Commission
[br] [/font]

It’s time for episode 2 of Deep State Diaries. Yes we’re touring the 24 branches and services that make up the United States government. Everything from the FBI to the IRS to the Pentagon to the CIA to the DPW to the DVA to parks and recreation and all branches and services in between. Of course if you’re here you probably already know more about our government and how it works than your average Fox News loving Trump supporter does. So that’s what this segment is going to address. We are going to do a deep dive into all that makes the United States the United States. Because we here at the Top 10 love to educate as well as entertain. Because we care.

[font size="6"]The FEC[/font]

In case you haven’t noticed – or you’re living under a rock – we’re in an election year! So naturally of course in our quest to educate people on what the Deep State actually does, we have to talk about the Federal Election Commission! As you know they’re the governing body of our nations’ elections to make sure that they’re fair and safe. Of course when you’re involved in Russian “meddling” is it really safe and secure? Well let’s find out! Let’s start with this case out of Michigan where a democratic candidate accused a GOP candidate of… wait for it… election fraud! Shocker!

WASHINGTON – Four years after the Free Press first raised questions about excessive contributions former Michigan Secretary of State Terri Lynn Land may have made to her own campaign for U.S. Senate, she and her husband have agreed not to challenge a Federal Election Commission finding to that effect and pay a fine of $66,000.

Last week, the FEC said that it had closed the case brought by the Michigan Democratic Party in 2014 against Land — the Republican nominee for U.S. Senate in 2014 — and her husband, Dan Hibma, over questions about contributions first reported by the Free Press.

As part of an agreement between the FEC and the campaign signed in May, Land and her husband accepted the commission’s finding that Hibma contributed $700,000 to the campaign — well more than the $2,600 limit per election — though they said they agreed to the settlement only “for the purpose of settling this matter expeditiously and avoiding litigation.

Yes isn’t it? But the FEC is so much more than the auditing body of our elections. For instance they also govern how much money that candidates can give to politicians. Of course you know that since the decision known as “Citizens United” was approved, all of those rules got thrown out the window!

The National Rifle Association (NRA) violated federal law by using a common vendor to illegally coordinate with four Republican Senate candidates, according to a complaint filed by a non-partisan public interest watchdog.

On Monday, the Campaign Legal Center (CLC) submitted a 25-page complaint with the Federal Election Commission (FEC) alleging that that the NRA used a consulting firm to evade federal rules prohibiting coordination between congressional candidates and outside spending groups.

The complaint alleges that GOP consulting firm OnMessage created a shell corporation called Starboard–located at the same address and with essentially the same business model–in order to share and use strategic information between the NRA and the Senate candidacies of Tom Cotton, Cory Gardner,Thom Tillis and Ron Johnson during the 2014 and 2016 election cycles.

Yeah that’s kind of how the NRA is reacting right now – maybe Sideshow Bob is an NRA employee, or at least we think. But then what happens when a candidate files illegally? See you should pay attention here folks!

U.S. Rep. Trent Kelly, who represents Mississippi’s 1st Congressional District, received “excessive contributions” totaling $75,100 when he first captured the north Mississippi House seat in 2015.

The Federal Election Commission found that Kelly, a Republican and former district attorney from Tupelo:

• Received campaign contributions from four individuals totaling $25,200 that exceeded the limit of $2,700 that a person can donate during an election cycle.

• Received a loan of $50,000 — $49,900 of which exceeded the campaign limits because they were guaranteed by an individual other than the candidate, thus, they were considered contributions.

The issues, according to the FEC audit, were resolved during the investigation with the loan being repaid and contributions returned.

And by the way what happens when you file illegally? Well there’s many things that can happen but the main thing you need to know is that it will get tied up in court for years and probably get thrown out before it advances because, US legal system.

Federal Election Commission (FEC) officials wrote in documents released Friday that the Trump Organization may have made an illegal contribution to the Trump campaign by having a staffer assist Melania Trump with her speech at the Republican National Convention, but dismissed the complaint because the action was too minor to be considered a violation of law.

FEC lawyers wrote in an April 2017 filing, first made public on Friday, that Trump Organization employee Meredith McIver’s assistance in writing Trump’s July 2016 speech may have resulted in “a corporate contribution to the Committee.”

However, commissioners wrote that because the value of such services appeared to be too minor for consideration, the commission decided to dismiss the allegation.

Trump’s speech sparked backlash after it was found to have included words and phrases identical to former first lady Michelle Obama’s speech at the 2008 Democratic National Convention.

[font size="6"]Score Card [/font]

Overall importance: A
How Things Are Going: B
Likely hood To Survive: B

Overall: B

[font size="6"]Next Week [/font]

Ooh this is going to be a fun one! Next week we’re going to take our first stab at looking at the intelligence community as we look at the NSA!

[font size="8"]And Now This:[/font]
[font size="8”]Social Distortion[/font]

Ladies and gentlemen, my next guests are punk rock legends from my home of Orange County, California. You can see them on tour everywhere this fall and at the Surf City Blitz festival in Huntington Beach on October 27th. Playing their song “Machine Gun Blues” from their album “Hard Times & Nursery Rhymes”, give it up for the legendary Social D!!!

St. Louis, we had an awesome time! This was fun! We’ll be back soon! We are off to New York City (NEW YORK CITY????) next! See you next week!


Host: Initech
Top 10 Conservative Idiots Recorded In Front Of Live Audience At: Helium Comedy Club, St. Louis, MO
Special Thanks To: Helium Comedy Management
Holy Shit Gospel Choir: Sixth Street Baptist Choir, St. Louis, MO
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Management: Initech Productions, CCC Management
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Initech Productions: Yes, We Got The Memo

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