HomeLatest ThreadsGreatest ThreadsForums & GroupsMy SubscriptionsMy Posts
DU Home » Latest Threads » Forums & Groups » Main » General Discussion (Forum) » Millions of Americans Den...

Wed Aug 1, 2018, 01:02 PM

Millions of Americans Denied Groceries After Failing to Provide I.D. - By Andy Borowitz

UNITED STATES OF AMERICA (The Borowitz Report)—Millions of Americans were foiled in their attempts to purchase groceries on Wednesday after failing to provide the proper government-issued I.D. cards.

From coast to coast, food-seeking scofflaws were turned away from supermarkets, convenience stores, and fruit markets as they tried to circumvent the nation’s long-standing grocery I.D. laws.

“Given that Americans have been required to show I.D. to buy food for years, it’s amazing that people still try to get away with this,” Carol Foyler, a supermarket cashier in Fresno, California, said. “It’s always, ‘Oh, I left my food I.D. in my other pants,’ or some B.S. like that. Believe me, I’ve heard it all.”

In Cleveland, Ohio, a man attempting to buy a loaf of bread, two yogurts, and a bottle of Fanta tried to use another consumer’s food I.D. to make the purchase, but was busted by sharp-eyed security personnel.


MORE:
https://www.newyorker.com/humor/borowitz-report/millions-of-americans-denied-groceries-after-failing-to-provide-id

32 replies, 3048 views

Reply to this thread

Back to top Alert abuse

Always highlight: 10 newest replies | Replies posted after I mark a forum
Replies to this discussion thread
Arrow 32 replies Author Time Post
Reply Millions of Americans Denied Groceries After Failing to Provide I.D. - By Andy Borowitz (Original post)
kpete Aug 2018 OP
Gothmog Aug 2018 #1
Ron Obvious Aug 2018 #2
LanternWaste Aug 2018 #3
Ron Obvious Aug 2018 #4
NBachers Aug 2018 #7
Liberalagogo Aug 2018 #12
maxrandb Aug 2018 #21
LudwigPastorius Aug 2018 #5
calimary Aug 2018 #14
StarryNite Aug 2018 #17
IronLionZion Aug 2018 #24
bucolic_frolic Aug 2018 #6
FSogol Aug 2018 #8
rickford66 Aug 2018 #9
at140 Aug 2018 #10
wishstar Aug 2018 #13
DoctorJoJo Aug 2018 #11
0rganism Aug 2018 #15
Ilsa Aug 2018 #22
Honeycombe8 Aug 2018 #16
rurallib Aug 2018 #18
LiberalFighter Aug 2018 #30
LiberalFighter Aug 2018 #31
rurallib Aug 2018 #32
NastyRiffraff Aug 2018 #19
IronLionZion Aug 2018 #20
Ilsa Aug 2018 #23
IronLionZion Aug 2018 #25
duforsure Aug 2018 #26
left-of-center2012 Aug 2018 #27
Gothmog Aug 2018 #28
JustABozoOnThisBus Aug 2018 #29

Response to kpete (Original post)

Wed Aug 1, 2018, 01:24 PM

1. I love good satire

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to Gothmog (Reply #1)

Wed Aug 1, 2018, 01:26 PM

2. So do I. This isn't. n/t

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to Ron Obvious (Reply #2)

Wed Aug 1, 2018, 01:41 PM

3. I like satire too. And the OP accurately fits the definition of it. n/t, part II

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to LanternWaste (Reply #3)

Wed Aug 1, 2018, 02:10 PM

4. I suppose that's a matter of taste

I found it a witless non-sequitur.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to Ron Obvious (Reply #4)

Wed Aug 1, 2018, 02:44 PM

7. Thankfully, I have lower satire standards, and found it quite amusing and entertaining.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to Ron Obvious (Reply #4)

Wed Aug 1, 2018, 03:06 PM

12. Sucks to be you I guess.

 

n/t

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to Gothmog (Reply #1)

Thu Aug 2, 2018, 08:03 AM

21. It's hard to tell what is satire anymore n/t

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to kpete (Original post)

Wed Aug 1, 2018, 02:39 PM

5. I remember after the Bowling Green Massacre, there was panic...a run on the supermarkets.


You couldn't get a fake Food I.D. back then for love or money.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to LudwigPastorius (Reply #5)

Wed Aug 1, 2018, 03:14 PM

14. LOL!

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to LudwigPastorius (Reply #5)

Wed Aug 1, 2018, 03:38 PM

17. LOL!

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to LudwigPastorius (Reply #5)

Thu Aug 2, 2018, 08:37 AM

24. How do you know if a food ID is real or fake?

Trump demands that people produce their original long form food ID, not the fake ones they've been using. One tell is that if a person eats mostly fast food, then it's probably real. Fake IDs are used for soy milk, organic chia seeds, fair trade coffee, and whatever they think liberals eat.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to kpete (Original post)

Wed Aug 1, 2018, 02:42 PM

6. Seriously, flag down a manager and wave your passport at him

Ask for a discount. Not saying you deserve one, but it never hurts.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to kpete (Original post)

Wed Aug 1, 2018, 02:49 PM

8. Food-seeking scofflaws!

Will Trumpy take their children?


Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to kpete (Original post)

Wed Aug 1, 2018, 02:50 PM

9. Wait. You mean you don't need an ID for groceries ?

Now I find out.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to kpete (Original post)

Wed Aug 1, 2018, 02:57 PM

10. I use credit cards at grocery

never needed an ID so far, is this a new rule?

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to at140 (Reply #10)

Wed Aug 1, 2018, 03:09 PM

13. Only in Trump's delusional mind at his rally last night

as he crazily claimed that photo ID is required to buy groceries

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to kpete (Original post)

Wed Aug 1, 2018, 03:04 PM

11. Andy Owes The Orange Buffoon Big Time for All the Material!!

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to kpete (Original post)

Wed Aug 1, 2018, 03:25 PM

15. how long before we need Republican Party ID to purchase groceries?

the shit Trump spouts like he awoke from fever dreams sometimes ends up as a policy debate, so i'm a bit nervous about this "photo ID to buy groceries" thing

i suppose we'll still be able to buy unregistered groceries in the Democratic ghettos, but we'll probably need photos on our ration cards in the camps

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to 0rganism (Reply #15)

Thu Aug 2, 2018, 08:06 AM

22. I was laughing until I read your reply.

Don't give them any ideas! They are already going after SNAP, etc.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to kpete (Original post)

Wed Aug 1, 2018, 03:33 PM

16. LOL! Too funny!

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to kpete (Original post)

Wed Aug 1, 2018, 03:43 PM

18. I sometimes wonder if Borowitz is satire or ominous prediction

In my younger days my Dad had to get a liquor passbook in Iowa. This allowed you so many purchases per year as I recall - I was only @ 6 or so.

I do know that by summer he was using passbooks from his non drinking friends.
Maybe we will only be allowed so much meat and be forced to buy more broccoli?

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to rurallib (Reply #18)


Response to rurallib (Reply #18)

Thu Aug 2, 2018, 12:20 PM

31. War Ration Cards (World War II)



Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to LiberalFighter (Reply #31)

Thu Aug 2, 2018, 12:52 PM

32. had never seen one of those but always heard about them

I listen to a lot of old time radio and those are often referenced - thanks

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to kpete (Original post)

Wed Aug 1, 2018, 03:57 PM

19. These things just write themselves now

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to kpete (Original post)

Thu Aug 2, 2018, 07:55 AM

20. "there should also be background checks and a waiting period"

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to kpete (Original post)

Thu Aug 2, 2018, 08:07 AM

23. Next, they will propose we just get food from our 3D printers. nt

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to Ilsa (Reply #23)

Thu Aug 2, 2018, 08:39 AM

25. Our founders didn't put the right to buy food into our Constitution for a reason

so people will just have to wait for the background checks and get the correct permits if they want to eat.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to kpete (Original post)

Thu Aug 2, 2018, 08:48 AM

26. What's next?

Stop and frisk in the grocery aisles program from them. lol

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to kpete (Original post)

Thu Aug 2, 2018, 09:50 AM

27. I'm going grocery shopping tomorrow

Scared and panicking !

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to kpete (Original post)

Thu Aug 2, 2018, 11:24 AM

28. I love good satire

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink


Response to kpete (Original post)

Thu Aug 2, 2018, 12:03 PM

29. We need to close the "Farmers' Market Loophole"

Go to a local Farmers' Market, and you will see people selling and buying food from other people, no ID requested.

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink

Reply to this thread