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Thu Jul 12, 2018, 12:22 AM

Merkel Asks Mueller If There's Anything She Can Do to Help (Borowitz)

https://bit.ly/2N7GU80

Merkel Asks Mueller If There’s Anything She Can Do to Help

BRUSSELS (The Borowitz Report)—The German Chancellor, Angela Merkel, took a break from the nato summit in Brussels on Wednesday to ask the independent counsel, Robert Mueller, if there is anything she can do to help.

According to those familiar with the phone conversation, Merkel told Mueller that she would take a leave of absence as leader of the German government and move to Washington to work full-time for Mueller “if that would be of assistance.”

Touting her credentials, Merkel told Mueller that she was fluent in Russian and could be helpful in translating the thousands of Russian-language documents that the special counsel has in his collection of evidence.

“I will work for free and pay my for my own food,” Merkel said. “I just want to make this stop.”
Mueller reportedly thanked Merkel for her offer but told her he had to wrap up their conversation because he had “Emmanuel Macron on the other line.”

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Reply Merkel Asks Mueller If There's Anything She Can Do to Help (Borowitz) (Original post)
Stonepounder Jul 12 OP
Cha Jul 12 #1
Louis1895 Jul 12 #2
Gothmog Jul 12 #3
calimary Jul 12 #4
Wounded Bear Jul 12 #5
JohnnyRingo Jul 12 #6
SunSeeker Jul 12 #7
eppur_se_muova Jul 12 #8
dalton99a Jul 12 #9
lindysalsagal Jul 12 #10

Response to Stonepounder (Original post)

Thu Jul 12, 2018, 12:26 AM

1. Yeah, buddy!!

Mahalo, Stonepounder

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Response to Stonepounder (Original post)

Thu Jul 12, 2018, 12:28 AM

2. God, I love Borowitz!!

He is helping to keep me from going off the deep end these days!

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Response to Stonepounder (Original post)

Thu Jul 12, 2018, 12:29 AM

3. I love good satire

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Response to Stonepounder (Original post)

Thu Jul 12, 2018, 12:35 AM

4. Andy Borowitz!!!

Wouldn’t surprise me if a few key people have had similar daydreams tiptoe across their minds.

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Response to Stonepounder (Original post)

Thu Jul 12, 2018, 01:19 AM

5. I expect the RWers to jump on this a run with it like it's real...

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Response to Stonepounder (Original post)

Thu Jul 12, 2018, 02:33 AM

6. "I just want to make this stop"

Hilarious.

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Response to Stonepounder (Original post)

Thu Jul 12, 2018, 02:44 AM

7. ...he had to wrap up their conversation because he had "Emmanuel Macron on the other line."




And Justin Trudeau was on line 3. And Theresa May was on line 4.....

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Response to Stonepounder (Original post)

Thu Jul 12, 2018, 11:01 AM

8. I'm sure the BND has shared what it has on Deutsche Bank's dealings with 45 ...

... so Merkel's done her share already.

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Response to Stonepounder (Original post)

Thu Jul 12, 2018, 11:03 AM

9. Good one!

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Response to Stonepounder (Original post)

Thu Jul 12, 2018, 05:11 PM

10. Manages to make this disaster funny, every time.

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