The DUzy Awards for Friday, July 27th, 2012 (ish)

[The DUzy Awards]

[font face=georgia]

[center][font size=7]WELCOME to the DUZY AWARDS![/font][/center]

Welcome, insomiacs, to a very special episode of The DUzy Awards, starring Worf as Dr. Cliff Huxtable, William Riker as Engineer Brett, Patrick Stewart as Sgt. Phil Fish, and Deanna Troi as Lt. Tawny Madison. Special guest Beverly Crusher stars as Punky Brewster.


How it works:

You see a funny post and you want to put it in contention. Great! Send a private-message to “The DUzy Awards” and include a link to the original post and the # of the reply you want to nominate, and then copy-and-paste the OP and the nominated post into the message. That’s in case of a self-deletion or an edit or something.

If a member’s name is in [font color=#800080]purple text[/font], then that member has won a DUzy for the week.

If text is in [font color=#FF0000]red italicized text[/font] that’s a comment from me.

All past DU3 DUzies are in this account’s Journal for your enjoyment. If you want the older ones, go find JeffR’s Journal on DU2… if you can!!! Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha!


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by ProSense
[font size=+1] Darrell Issa proposes renaming the ocean after Ronald Reagan[/font]

Darrell Issa proposes renaming the ocean after Ronald Reagan

by Hunter

The laser-like Republican focus on jobs continues:

Rep. Darrell Issa (R-Calif.) is floating legislation that would name most U.S. coastal waters after former President Ronald Reagan.

Issa reintroduced his bill Wednesday to rename the country’s Exclusive Economic Zone (EEZ), which generally extends from three miles to 200 miles offshore, as the Ronald Wilson Reagan Exclusive Economic Zone.

To be fair, we're not talking about renaming all the oceans after Ronald Reagan. Just any parts of them within 200 miles of America, in honor of the guy who first said "yeah, all that over there? That's ours."

While creating at least several jobs in the lucrative map-printing sector of the economy, this otherwise seems a rather pointless little exercise. For one thing, I thought true conservatives hated Ronald Reagan now, but it turns out that while they now hate most of what he said and did, they still like putting his name on things. So he's a lot like Jesus in that way. Or would be, if Jesus hated unions and the environment and said things like "bring all of the offshore oil within two hundred miles of here unto me, because I hath called dibs upon it."

Where were we? Oh yes, jobs. Hundreds of thousands of jobs created by renaming every single thing in America after Ronald Reagan, the only modern Republican president conservatives still acknowledge the existence of. There's at least 50,000 permanent jobs to be gained in this one proposal by Issa alone, as we send minimum-wage workers out to repeatedly spray paint Ronald Reagan's name on the ocean surface until it finally sticks.

Ha! Just kidding. We wouldn't pay them minimum wage. Ronald Reagan would have hated that.

http://www.dailykos.com/story/2012/07/21/1112154/-Darrell-Issa-proposes-renaming-the-ocean-after-Ronald-Reagan

I propose renaming Issa "Congressman Dumbfuck."

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] NRaleighLiberal [/font]
[font size=+1] 1. I think we should name the floating plastic bag garbage island after St Ronnie. that OK with me. [/font]

GD, 23 Jul 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1002994564


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by Liberal_in_LA
[font size=+1] Romney camp used Colorado shooting as distraction to hide buy of 100,000 Twitter followers[/font]
The Romney campaign is facing allegations of buying Twitter followers after Romney’s Twitter account mysteriously gained more than 135,000 followers since Friday. The Romney campaign denies buying Twitter followers but fails to offer any reasonable explanation for the freakishly rapid growth in the last 48 hours.

The website 140elect.com, which tracks the Twitter presence of presidential candidates, first noticed the spike which began Friday afternoon and continued through Saturday, July 21. According to the website, Romney was gaining around 3,000-4,000 new followers per day for the past month. However, Friday, July 20, the number inexplicably and dramatically jumped as Romney acquired 23,926 new followers. On Saturday, July 21, the numbers exploded as Romney gained well over 75,000 Twitter followers for the day.

---------------------

Jason Easley at PoliticusUSA speculates: Something strange is going on with Mitt Romney’s Twitter account. It looks like the Romney campaign is using the Colorado shooting as a distraction to hide their buying 100,000 new Twitter followers.

NY AltNews reports Romney’s Twitter account is now surging with phony followers. The website suggests “spam automation, purchased traffic or perhaps even sabotage” are responsible for the inexplicable, dramatic surge in Romney’s Twitter account.

Romney’s Twitter account had over 673,000 followers on July 20, but his graph made a “hockey stick” leap yesterday, climbing to over 767,000. Nevertheless, Romney’s Twitter account trails Barack Obama's Twitter account by more than 16 million followers.

http://www.examiner.com/article/twittergate-romney-camp-denies-buying-twitter-followers

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] hatrack [/font]
[font size=+1] 12. Phony purchased Twitter followers are people, my friend. [/font]


GD, 22 Jul 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/10021000368


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by steve2470
[font size=+1] Hiker spots man in goat suit frolicking with a herd[/font]
http://www.abc4.com/content/news/top_stories/story/Hiker-spots-man-in-goat-suit-frolicking-with-a/8tKqdZF7s0eioSivDg8O-w.cspx

Coty Creighton was hiking Ben Lomond peak early Sunday morning, when he came across a herd of goats and noticed one was trailing behind. Coty pulled out his binoculars to get an even closer look, and realized it was a man, acting like a goat.

"His goat costume was definitely home made, it wasn't done very well he had a full mask covering his face up and fake horns coming off the top of his head, he even had to lift the mask at times to make his way and see over rocks and bushes," Creighton said.

Creighton tried to rationalize it, thinking the guy may have been a photographer, but he had no gear.

"Once I realized he had no camera gear or anything else, it went from being really funny to really creepy," he said.

*end of quote*

Yeah, old news from July 19th but comic relief is good

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] lapfog_1 [/font]
[font size=+1] 8. EWE! [/font]

GD, 24 Jul 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/10021011657


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by Comrade_McKenzie
[font size=+1] Romney Advisor: 'Obama doesn't appreciate the ANGLO-SAXON heritage we share with Great Britain.'[/font]
What the London Daily Telegraph calls one of Romney’s “advisors” told the paper that Romney was better positioned to understand and respect the ‘special relationship’ between the US and Great Britain than President Obama, whose father was from Kenya.

Said the advisor: “We are part of an Anglo-Saxon heritage, and he feels that the special relationship is special. The White House didn’t fully appreciate the shared history we have.”

http://talkingpointsmemo.com/archives/2012/07/romney_camp_mitt_will_bring_a_white_mans_touch.php?ref=fpblg

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] gkhouston [/font]
[font size=+1] 35. Blow that dog whistle all you want, I'm not getting on the roof of the car. n/t [/font]

GD, 24 Jul 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/10021016812


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by Bertha Venation
[font size=+1] grammar question[/font]
What is the family of language called that includes homonyms, antonyms, heteronyms, etc.? Does it have a name?

Thank you.

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] Kennah [/font]
[font size=+1] 8. Fox News just reported ... [/font]
... homonyms will destroy traditional marriage.

[font color=#FF0000]Rumor has it that President Obama is a practicing homosapien![/font]

The Lounge, 24 Jul 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1018160827


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]Original post by [font color=#800080] Ikonoklast [/font]
[font size=+1] I Mistakenly Attended A Voter Registration Event That Was Being Held By Local Republicans.[/font]
They really, really, really did their best to discourage any Democrats from signing up.



[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] Moonwalk [/font]
[font size=+1] 1. It's an Anglo-Saxon thing [/font]


GD, 25 Jul 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/10021022835


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by superpatriotman
[font size=+1] Gorillas Seen Destroying Poachers' Snares in Rwanda[/font]


http://refreshingnews99.blogspot.in/2012/07/gorillas-seen-destroying-poachers.html

Poachers’ snares pose one of the biggest threats to mountain gorilla populations according to campaigners – and it seems that the gorillas themselves have worked this out, because they’ve been observed dismantling traps.

Field staff of the Dian Fossey Gorilla Fund in Rwanda report that on Monday they saw several young gorillas destroying snares – which maim and often kill gorillas – with their bare hands.

“We knew that gorillas do this but all of the reported cases in the past were carried out by adult gorillas, mostly silverbacks,” said Veronica Vecellio, gorilla program coordinator at the Karisoke Research Center.

“Today, two juveniles and one blackback worked together to deactivate two snares and how they did it demonstrated an impressive cognitive skill.”

more at link

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] ithinkmyliverhurts [/font]
[font size=+1] 4. Poachers were surprised that the gorillas possessed language skills as well: [/font]


[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] lpbk2713 [/font]
[font size=+1] 14. Dismantling the traps wasn't so bad for them ... [/font]


... it was Googling for the instructions on how to do it that was their biggest obstacle.

GD, 25 Jul 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/10021019934


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by Swede
[font size=+1] Maybe Mitt can try the cheesy bangers and mash?[/font]


[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF] maddezmom
[font size=+1] 8. just found another: fitless cock [/font]
fitless cock

Definition

Scotland
Oatmeal, shredded suet and finely chopped onion (2:1:1) brought together with beaten egg, shaped in the form of a chicken, wrapped in a floured cloth and boiled for two hours.

Also called dry goose

(Note Fitless cock was traditionally eaten on Shrove Tuesday)
[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] arely staircase [/font]
[font size=+1] 9. spotted dick is one of the first stages of fitless cock. nt [/font]

GD, 26 Jul 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/10021026205


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by reformist2
[font size=+1] No Joke: Mittens eats only the Tops of Muffins![/font]
"Romney prefers to eat only the tops of muffins, the logic here being that during cooking the butter and unhealthful lipids have melted down into the base."

Read More http://www.gq.com/news-politics/politics/201208/mitt-romney-wells-tower-gq-august-2012#ixzz21kiuVdov



[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] greatauntoftriplets [/font]
[font size=+1] 3. Of course he does! [/font]
He likes to stick with the upper crust.

GD, 26 Jul 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/10021025605


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by ProSense
[font size=+1] Romney: Don't let US become a second-tier nation. Like Britain[/font]

Romney: Don't let US become a second-tier nation. Like Britain

by kos

2007:

The United States is in danger of becoming a "second-tier" nation like Britain and other European countries if Hillary Clinton wins the White House, according to Mitt Romney, the Republican presidential contender <...>

Speaking, ironically, to employees of BAE Systems Inc, the US subsidiary of the British defence company, in the elegant New England town of Nashua on Monday, Mr Romney said that America was at a crossroads in history.

"The question is whether we're going to become a stronger nation leading the world or whether we're going to follow the path of Europe and become a second-tier military and a second-tier nation." European countries had chosen to "become a wonderful nation but not the world's power".

America's health system should remain privately rather than government run, he insisted. "I do not want to go the way of England and Canada when it comes to healthcare," he said.

If this is how he treats countries with an Anglo-Saxon heritage...

http://www.dailykos.com/story/2012/07/26/1113983/-Romney-Don-t-let-US-become-a-second-tier-nation-Like-Britain

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] NightWatcher [/font]
[font size=+1] 2. he's like a Sarah Palin that nobody wants to fuck [/font]

GD, 26 Jul 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/10021026748


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by Renew Deal
[font size=+1] North Korea flag blunder mars Olympics day one[/font]
Source: AFP

London's Olympics got off to an embarrassing start when North Korea's women footballers refused to play after a mix-up over their national flag, in one of a series of blunders.

Hosts Great Britain had kicked off the sports festival, years in the making and costing billions of dollars, with a 1-0 win over New Zealand as women's soccer got under way two days before the opening the ceremony.

The United States beat France 4-2 and Japan overcame Canada 2-1. But North Korea's opener against Colombia was held up after their players were pictured next to South Korea's flag on the big screen at Glasgow's Hampden Park.

The North Koreans were finally persuaded to take the field and the match, scheduled for 7:45 pm (1845 GMT), began at 8:50 pm. Red-faced organisers were quick to apologise for the howler.
<snip>

Read more: http://sports.yahoo.com/news/football-kicks-off-london-games-152555131--oly.html
____________________________________

Someone should be fired for their stupidity.

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF] EarthCitizen
[font size=+1] 6. How does something like that possibly happen [/font]
How does something like that possibly happen
[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF] Renew Deal
[font size=+1] 7. Laziness, poor education and training, bad planning [/font]
[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] doohnibor [/font]
[font size=+1] 8. Or on purpose... [/font]
I can't think of a mis-flagging that could cause more angst among the contestants. Unless the TeaParty team was introduced under the banner of Kenya.

LBN, 26 Jul 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1014177211


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by UnrepentantLiberal
[font size=+1] Evangelist Billy Graham defends Chick-fil-A[/font]

By Richard Allen Greene
CNN
July 26, 2012

Billy Graham, the dean of American evangelists, has once again broken his usual silence on hot-button issues, defending the president of the Chick-fil-A restaurant chain for his opposition to same-sex marriage days after issuing a letter decrying what he sees as the nation’s moral decay.

Earlier this year, the ailing preacher publicly endorsed a proposed constitutional amendment to ban gay unions in North Carolina, raising eyebrows among many who’d watched Graham studiously avoid thorny social issues for years.

On Thursday, he issued a statement of support for the popular fast-food chain. Many people have slammed Chick-fil-A President Don Cathy for saying his company backs the traditional family unit and is opposed to same-sex marriage.

Graham praised restaurant founder S. Truett Cathy and son Don Cathy, the company’s president, “for their strong stand for the Christian faith.”

More: http://religion.blogs.cnn.com/2012/07/26/evangelist-billy-graham-defends-chick-fil-a/

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] Jeff In Milwaukee [/font]
[font size=+1] 1. I thought he was dead (nt) [/font]
[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] Robb [/font]
[font size=+1] 7. He will have been. Retroactively. [/font]

[font color=#FF0000]Robb is a dingbat[/font]

GD, 26 Jul 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/10021028769


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by flamingdem
[font size=+1] Mitt wants a .. porn filter on every computer in America? Next on Lawrence O'Donnell[/font]
Wow, now I'm sure he's toast!

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF] Drunken Irishman
[font size=+1] 2. I'LL GIVE YOU MY PORN WHEN YOU PRY IT FROM MY STICKY, DEAD HANDS! [/font]

[font color=#FF0000]Amen![/font]

GD, 19 Jul 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/1002978708


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by AnotherMcIntosh
[font size=+1] In a way this video is funny. It involves a gun safety instructor who boasts that he is the only [/font]
one in the room who is sufficiently familiar with a Glock .40.

Start at 0:40 and continue through 0:56 et seq.

&feature=player_embedded

No matter what you see, you have to admit that this guy is a man. After he shoots himself in the foot, he pretends that it doesn't hurt. Or at least he does so for a little while.

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] justanidea [/font]
[font size=+1] 6. Looks like he didn't keep his booger hook off the bang switch. nt [/font]

GD, 25 Jul 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/10021017084


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]Original post by [font color=#800080] HarveyDarkey [/font]


GD, 23 Jul 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/10021008923


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by Tx4obama
[font size=+1] The USA Fencing Mask Is Awesome And Intimidating, And Awesome[/font]



Full post here: http://www.sportsgrid.com/media/2012-summer-olympics-media/the-usa-fencing-mask-is-awesome-and-intimidating-and-awesome/

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF] Occulus
[font size=+1] 3. What's with the electronics on the masks? [/font]
I don't recall seeing those before in Olympic fencing.
[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] jberryhill [/font]
[font size=+1] 10. Keep score [/font]
They don't actually get to kill their opponent because of recent cowardly rule changes. Instead, contact is detected electronically.
[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] jberryhill [/font]
[font size=+1] 15. Fencing has been electrified for a while [/font]
I suppose next you'll want to know how they keep the horses from drowning during water polo. Same killjoys got rid of horses in that formerly fun to watch sport.

GD, 28 Jul 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/10021039388


[div class=excerpt style=background:#AFEEEE]In an original post by Aviation Pro
[font size=+1] What a fucking douche....[/font]
...anyone else catch Lurch the Fucking Stiff's™ interview on Skeletor Scheiffer's Face the Nation?

Basically, this numbnutz motherfucker wants another war; this walking shitstain is just following his "kingly' DNA where the only thing he knows is causing wars where our nation's finest are chewed up in another fucking meat grinder; and he's willing to say this as he squats in the most volatile region of the world.

The question that the interviewer should have asked this assclown is, "would you encourage your five coward sons to volunteer for service or are you going to let the poor and middle class fight this one too, fuckstick?"

Go fuck yourself and the four deferments your rode in on, phlegm.

[div class=excerpt style=background:#FFFFFF][font color=#800080] hfojvt [/font]
[font size=+1] 57. sheesh, talk about eschatological excesses [/font]
View profile
inside joke

Ecclesiaticals endeavor to explain or establish an excuse for egregiously eschewing or ebulliently espousing eschatoligical excesses.

Brought to you by the letter E.

GD, 29 Jul 2012
http://www.democraticunderground.com/10021040807


[font color=#FF0000]And a special note to RedStateLiberal… Friday is sort of a general guide, or perhaps a long-term goal. [/font]




Thanks to: Scuba, Ruby the Liberal, MADem, Bertha Venation, RedStateLiberal, eridani, meow2u3, dixiegrrrrl, Renew Deal, TBF, rocktivity, eppur_se_muova, and eridani!!!!


This very special DUzy episode was brought to you by: Grimace the Giant Purple Thing, Nintendo Gameboy, the letter B, and the number 52.


-Krispos42
[/font]

[RedStateLiberal]

1. LOL Thanks for the clarification.

Some of these are true classics. Congrats winners!

And thanks for the many laughs!

[CaliforniaPeggy]

2. Wonderful, as always! n/t

[BillyJack]

3. Very Nice!

Well done & thank you for compiling this!

[Kaleva]

4. Fuuniest stuff I've read all night!

[grantcart]

5. The guy shooting himself in the foot is funny as hell

The people in the class remain seated in shocked surprise as he limps around.


I would have been in the parking lot.


However when they appear to be handing him an automatic weapon they start to get ready to revolt.

[Union Scribe]

6. DUzys are also great for seeing threads you may have missed

Like that one about the gorillas destroying poacher traps, that's amazing and I hadn't seen it before.

[coalition_unwilling]

7. JBerryhill's explanation of the evolution of fencing had

tears literally running down my face.

[obxhead]

8. booger hook off the bang switch

Some great DUzys this week. Thanks everyone.

[scarletwoman]

9. Wonderful batch this week! K&R

Love this line:

Blow that dog whistle all you want, I'm not getting on the roof of the car.

[lunatica]

10. kick'd and rec'd

[HappyMe]

11. lol!

The retroactive DUzys and retroactively funny.

[lovemydog]

12. Gorilla giving the finger

is my fav this week.

[dixiegrrrrl]

13. I had missed the tax returns photo.

Excellent!

Duzys are worth waiting for.

for Krispos' work on getting these out to us!

[Melissa G]

14. Excellent work Krispos42!

Worth the wait!