HomeLatest ThreadsGreatest ThreadsForums & GroupsMy SubscriptionsMy Posts
DU Home » Latest Threads » Forums & Groups » Main » General Discussion (Forum) » Top 10 Conservative Idiot...

Wed Feb 14, 2018, 06:01 PM

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #4-6: I Fought The Shut Down (And The Shut Down Won) Edition

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #4-6: I Fought The Shut Down (And The Shut Down Won) Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! Top 10 Conservative Idiots has been proven to have a +-1% difference in reliability over the next 4G LTE carrier. Switch today and save! You know I want to talk about something cool for the intro again. I wanted to talk about emotional support animals and that Spirit Airlines story, but fuck that story. I’m done with emotional support animals. Instead I want to talk about something I’m sure we all love – Marvel Studios. Yes, this week marks the release of what looks to be one of Marvel’s best yet – Black Panther. Did you get the Kendrick Lamar produced soundtrack? So good!!! OMG, all the best in hip hop contributed – the Weeknd, Schoolboy Q, Anderson Paak, SZA, 2 Chainz, Vince Staples, I could go on and on! I’m getting off topic here. Oh and BTW - we will definitely be featuring more hip-hop, R&B and soul this year! What I really wanted to fanboy out on for a second is that Marvel took a class photo. Can you believe it’s been 10 years since the first Iron Man came out? We can’t either! But this photo is seriously amazing. 10 years of Marvel all in one picture. Can we show that?

How fucking cool is that? You’ve got everyone from Robert Downey Jr (Iron Man), John Favreau (Happy Hogan), Scarlett Johannsen (Black Widow) and Gwenyth Paltrow (Pepper Potts) to Chris Hemswoth (Thor) and Tom Hiddleston (Loki), to Chris Evans (Captain America) and Anthony Mackie (Falcon) to Chris Pratt (Star Lord) and Zoe Saldana (Gamora), to Chadwick Boseman (Black Panther) and Idris Elba (Heimdall), Vin Diesel (Groot), Jeff Goldbloom (Grandmaster), Mark Ruffalo (Hulk), Tom Holland (Spiderman), Kurt Russell (Ego), Samuel L Jackson (Nick Fury), Benedict Cumberbatch (Dr. Strange), Paul Rudd (Ant-Man), even directors like James Gunn and John Favreau are in the mix. Even Stan Lee himself has a cameo! Well done, Marvel. That was a truly amazing way to cap 10 years of movies. Damn, I still can’t believe it’s been 10 years. I remember seeing the first Iron Man in the theater. All right enough of the intro. We got a lot of idiocy to get to this week but first Bill Maher had a brilliant new rule last week about Trump’s lack of comprehension:

Taking the top slot this week is Kentucky Senator and before picture in a hair restoration ad, Rand Paul (1). Because he attempted to fight a pending government shut down, and the shut down won! Taking the second slot this week is Mike Pence (2). Meanwhile at the Olympics, Mike Pence made an ass of himself when he refused to stand for the host country. Taking the third slot and only occupying a single slot this week is the guy we call president, Donald J. Trump (3), and whew, this one is a doozy. In the fourth slot is “Conservatives React To Obama’s Portrait” (4) and they are firing on all fours on the batshit crazy. After this, why do they think they get more power over us? Taking the fifth slot, we’ve got a new installment of our new series Top 10 Investigates (5). And this time we’re going to take you to Michigan’s Upper Peninsula and introduce you to the town of Bay View, a town where only fundamentalist Christians are allowed to own property. And – wait for it – you must show proof! At number 6 is our weekly sermon of all the crazy things the Christian right has been up to in “Holy Shit” (6), and Pastor Initech is going to explain how the Christian right loves to blame the victim, because, Jesus. At number 7 is the Alt Right (7) and they’re up to their usual bag of tricks, and we’re going to write some white supremacist Valentine’s Day cards. Taking the 8th slot, I just want to take a few minutes and gloat about how election stealing creepy weirdo Julian Assange (8) and his multiple attempts to fight the law, while hanging out in an embassy, and the law keeps handing him his ass! In the number 9 (NEIN!!!!) slot, we’ve got a new installment of “People Are Dumb”, because, well, people are dumb, and there were some incredibly stupid ones this week. Finally this week we’re continuing the Shithole Edition of our World Tour 2018 and we’re going to the South American nation of Chile! Yes we’re making up for last year! Is it a shithole like Trump says it is? Well there’s only one way to find out! Plus it’s finally February and we’re celebrating Black History Month here at the Top 10. And we’re going to top things off with a live performance to get you in the mood for Valentine’s Day from Rhianna! Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]Rand Paul
[br] [/font]

So while you were sleeping or likely passed out on Friday last week, Kentucky Senator and before picture in a Hair Club For Men advertisement, Rand Paul, attempted to fight the shut down. Hey, just remember – he’s not only a spokesperson, he’s also a client! And another shut down, another loss for both sides, and the rest of the world is most likely laughing at us. So here’s what happened exactly.

Sen. Rand Paul (R-Ky.) railed against what he cast as runaway government spending, days after he forced a short-lived government shutdown with a lengthy floor speech decrying the budget deficit.

Speaking to radio host John Catsimatidis on New York radio station AM 970, Paul accused lawmakers of kicking the can down the road on budget issues by repeatedly turning to continuing resolutions to keep the government running, and took aim at what he called "wasteful spending."

"I can give you a quick example of some of the stuff we spend money on," Paul said. "We spent $700,000 last year studying what Neil Armstrong said when he landed on the moon."

"Remember, he said 'one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind.' Well, some idiot in government took $700,000 of taxpayer money and wanted to know whether he said 'one small step for man' or 'one small step for a man.' So that's the kind of stuff your government is spending money on," he said.

Yeah really, Rand? $700,000 to find out what really happened on the moon? Are you fucking kidding me or are you just pulling this out of your ass? And if you’re guessing that this couldn’t be worse timing you are correct!

Aya Collins, a spokeswoman for the National Science Foundation, said Paul’s report “mischaracterizes a substantive body of research with significant scientific value.”

“The foundation would have appreciated the chance to provide this report’s authors with the full context about the scope and significance of the research prior to publication,” Collins said....

That Neil Armstrong study? Collins said it supported research into treatments of autism, dyslexia, stuttering “and other conditions related to the brain mechanisms involved in understanding spoken language.”

“Contrary to Sen. Paul’s claim, NSF did not issue awards to specifically support research into Neil Armstrong’s moon landing quote,” she said.

Yes d’oh!!!! Of course they would lie! I mean this is 2018, we live in a world where facts don’t matter anymore! But it is fun to see what happens when these assholes get called out on their lies!

U.S. Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer on Monday slammed Kentucky Sen. Rand Paul's single-handed effort to stop a budget deal and shut down the government last week.

"His idea of railing against the deficit on this bipartisan deal after he supported a $1.5 trillion deficit for tax cuts, 80 percent of which are aimed at the top one percent, is very hollow," Schumer said.

Schumer, a New York Democrat, was speaking at the University of Louisville as a guest of Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell. Paul came up during a question-and-answer session.

McConnell, R-Kentucky, also opposed Paul's interjection.

Paul, a Republican, had objected to a deal that lifted strict budget caps and allowed politicians to spend an extra $300 billion over the next two years on defense and domestic programs.

So Rand Paul fought the shut down, and the shut down won. Come on everybody sing it with me – “I fought the shut down, and the shut down won! I fought the shut down and the shut down won!” Eh, doesn’t have the same ring to it, does it? And here’s how the shut down won.

There was no reason for Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell to feel nervous on Thursday morning. The day before, he and Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer had announced an agreement on a massive two-year budget deal to attach to a short-term funding bill. A few Senate Republicans were annoyed, to be sure—the deal busts through budget caps, allocating nearly $300 billion in defense and nondefense spending, along with $89 billion in disaster relief and a one-year suspension of the debt limit. But Schumer had corralled the support of more than enough Democrats. They’d easily reach 60 votes. And as South Dakota Senator John Thune told House members on the floor last evening, they’d likely have a vote ready by lunchtime.

Fast forward to early Thursday evening. Kentucky Senator Rand Paul took the floor, arguing that the United States must withdraw troops from Afghanistan. He then switched to a collection of colorful signs, one lambasting California’s allotment of funds for school lunches (“School Lunch Programs: Feeding Lawns, Not Kids”), and another calling the D.C. streetcar system, “A Streetcar Named Waste.” And just after 11 p.m., the Senate adjourned until 12:01 a.m. without voting on a spending bill, shutting down the government.

At 1:53 a.m., the Senate at last voted and passed the bill, 71 votes to 28. And after a tense standoff with House Democrats, at 5:30 a.m., Republican leadership claimed victory in the lower chamber, passing the deal and reopening the government, 240 votes to 186. Seventy-three Democrats broke from House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi to vote in favor. President Trump signed the bill on Friday morning, ending the government shutdown.

[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]Mike Pence
[br] [/font]
[br] B

Yeah it’s Olympics time! I mean what better way to witness the coming together of nations around the globe to put aside their differences and compete in games like the Luge and the Triathlon? Well, there was one guy in the audience during the 17 hour opening ceremony who wouldn’t put aside his difference – particularly with one country. And that’s our Vice President, and guy who has to ask mother if he’s been a good boy today, Mike Pence. Yeah I could have seen Alfred Hitchcock casting him in Psycho. Well, any way here’s what happened.

PYEONGCHANG, South Korea (AP) — For all of Vice President Mike Pence's efforts to keep North Korea from stealing the show at the Winter Olympics, the images of the two Koreas marching together — and their officials shaking hands — at a time of heightened tensions on the peninsula proved impossible to counteract.

Pence spent the days leading up to Friday's opening ceremonies warning that the North was trying to "hijack the message and imagery of the Olympic Games" with its "propaganda."

But the North was still welcomed with open arms to what South Korean President Moon Jae-in called "Olympic games of peace" and the U.S. appeared to be the one left out in the cold.

Pence sat stone-faced in his seat as Moon and North Koreans officials stood together with much of the stadium to applaud their joint team of athletes. White House officials stressed that Pence had applauded only for the American team, but Asia experts said the vice president's refusal to stand could be seen as disrespectful to the hosts.

There’s no meme or clip here because I want to point out what happened when he attempted to protest anthem kneeling back last October:

Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! So kneeling bad, sitting good? That’s the take away I’m getting here. So was this a good move for Pence and the Trump administration? No!

The North Korean delegation will not be seeking a meeting with the U.S. on the sidelines of the Winter Olympics in Pyeongchang, South Korea.

The four high-ranking members of the North Korean delegation, which includes national leader Kim Jong Un’s sister Kim Yo Jong, are slated to attend the Winter Games opening ceremony on Friday. The event will also see the presence of U.S. Vice President Mike Pence, who invited the father of Otto Warmbier, the American student who suffered brain damage while detained in North Korea and died shortly after being returned in a comatose state to the U.S. last year, to join him at the ceremony.

“We have never begged for dialogue with the U.S. nor in the future, too. Explicitly speaking, we have no intention to meet with the U.S. side during the stay in South Korea,” read a statement attributed to Cho Yong Sam, director-general of the North American department of North Korea’s foreign ministry, and published in North Korea’s state-controlled news agency KCNA on Thursday.

Yes d’oh indeed! So I don’t know what they were trying to do here, but it didn’t work regardless of what Mikey was trying to accomplish. So not only did the asshole embarrass America more than he embarrassed North Korea, he’s doubling down on his assholery!

Vice President Mike Pence said Saturday evening there is "no daylight" between the U.S. and South Korea, despite their different approaches to engagement with North Korea at the Pyeongchang Olympic Winter Games. South Korean President Moon Jae-in had a luncheon earlier Saturday with the North Koreans, while Pence declined opportunities for contact with South Korea's neighbor to the north.

Moon provided Pence with a readout of the historic luncheon between the North and South. On the flight home from his Asian-Pacific trip flying somewhere over South Korea, Pence told reporters aboard Air Force Two that he appreciated Moon's transparency and perspective on North Korea, but reiterated that the U.S. and South Korea will "continue to stand strong and to work in a coordinated way to bring maximum economic and diplomatic pressure on North Korea."

"I leave here very confident that we are going to continue to do the things we know have to be done to continue to pressure North Korea to abandon their nuclear ambitions," Pence said.

Yeah I can imagine it’s only going to go down like that! So thanks to the arrogance of our grossly incompetent administration, we might have an international incident on our hands! But you know, Hillary’s e-mails, and such. And I mean come on bro, are you gonna leave me hanging?

PYEONGCHANG, South Korea (Reuters) - U.S. Vice President Mike Pence did not shake hands with North Korea’s nominal head of state, Kim Yong Nam, on Friday at the Winter Games in Pyeongchang, South Korea, a spokesman for Seoul’s presidential Blue House said.

So let’s get this straight. In one breath, Pence condemns kneeling protests, but then commits a kneeling protest of his own! The hypocrisy reeks with this one. I mean to call Mike Pence a horse’s ass, is really an insult to horse’s asses. At least the horse’s ass produces fertilizer, something that’s useful. But really, he shouldn’t have come at all.

PYEONGCHANG, South Korea – The first weekend of the Olympics was a story of cold wind and hot air.

Can’t do anything about the fierce winds that prompted the postponement of two Alpine events and one snowboarding event. The hot air? That went away when Vice President Mike Pence and his excuse makers returned to the United States.

It would have been better if Pence had not come at all. By declining to stand and recognize athletes of the Korean unified team as they walked together during the opening ceremony, Pence not only offended the host country, he sent a message that to the Trump Administration, not even common courtesy matters more than childish politics.

The world noticed. Columnists were quick to seize on Pence’s walkout of an NFL game last season, so offended by football players who did not stand during the pregame playing of the national anthem. That he saw nothing hypocritical in his behavior in South Korea only underscores how tone deaf this administration is in representing the United States abroad.

Yeah seriously the only hot air was coming from our Vice President, and it was so much hot air that it cancelled the Alpine Skiing competition! That’s a lot of hot air! But what would happen if Mike Pence did encounter North Korea’s leaders at the Olympics? Let’s examine that angle.

SEOUL, Feb. 9 (Yonhap) -- U.S. Vice President Mike Pence may encounter North Korea's ceremonial head of state Kim Yong-nam on Friday as both will attend a reception hosted by South Korean President Moon Jae-in, officials from the presidential office Cheong Wa Dae said.

The dinner meeting will be held in Yongpyeong, just east of PyeongChang, hours before the opening of the 2018 Winter Olympic Games. It will involve 200 other dignitaries, including nearly two dozen global leaders. They include Japanese Prime Minister Shinzo Abe and a ranking official of the Communist Party of China.

It remains to be seen whether Pence and Kim will hold a meaningful conversation.

The communist North said Thursday its delegates to the Olympic Games had no intention of meeting their U.S. counterparts while in South Korea.

[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]Donald Trump
[br] [/font]

Sigh………….. yeah I got to talk about this story for a minute. But I really don’t want to. But it’s another pattern in a long line of disturbing behavior coming from the man who sits in the Oval Office who we currently refer to as “president”. But before we go there I want you to know that Trump’s got his own magazine in the works!

Well, to be fair, this certainly wouldn't be the worst thing a Trump has done with a magazine! Hey o!!!! Thank you I’m here all week! Don’t forget to tip your waitress! But joking aside, there is a serious matter we need to discuss.

Senior aides to President Donald Trump knew for months about allegations of domestic abuse levied against top White House staffer Rob Porter by his ex-wives, even as Porter's stock in the West Wing continued to rise, multiple sources told CNN on Wednesday.
Porter denied the allegations but resigned on Wednesday.

A scramble ensued inside the West Wing to defend him when the claims became public this week, the sources said. That effort continues even after his resignation.

Senior White House officials were aware for months of the allegations made against Trump's staff secretary, two sources familiar with the matter said on Wednesday after Porter resigned.

Of course he denied it! I mean what’s he going to do? Just go “Yeah… I did it!”. Because that happens, um, fucking never! But it’s not just Porter – there is beginning to be a pattern here, and I can’t quite put my finger on it.

(CNN)Rob Porter, a top White House aide with regular access to President Donald Trump abruptly resigned on Wednesday amid abuse allegations from two ex-wives, who each detailed to CNN what they said were years of consistent abuse from Porter, including incidents of physical violence.

Colbie Holderness, Porter's first wife, and Jennifer Willoughby, Porter's second wife, both said their ex-husband's consistent abuse was the reason for their respective divorces.
Porter denied the allegations in a statement issued in the wake of his resignation.

The allegations were first reported earlier this week by the Daily Mail.
"These outrageous allegations are simply false," he said in his statement. "I have been transparent and truthful about these vile claims, but I will not further engage publicly with a coordinated smear campaign."

Yeah what the fuck???? You know it’s a long standing Top 10 policy that we don’t talk about or joke about cases of horrifying abuse. But when they involve our president, and they contradict everything he says, we have to feel fucking empowered! Thank you! And you know what they say about always judging a person by the company they keep!

President Trump was blindsided by the allegations against his staff secretary of spousal abuse and called Rob Porter a "sick puppy," a close ally of the president told CBS News. Sources stressed that Mr. Trump would likely not have had any knowledge of the details of Porter's personal history, which includes accusations by two ex-wives Porter physically and emotionally abused them.

But there have been questions about the timing and nature of the White House's response.

The allegations of abuse first appeared in a Daily Mail story published Tuesday, Feb. 6, around 7:30 p.m. ET. The story reported allegations by Porter's second ex-wife, Jennifer Willoughby, that Porter had been verbally and physically abusive. And it also cited the June 2010 protective order Willoughby filed with the Arlington, Virginia police against Porter after he violated their separation agreement, refused to leave their apartment and punched the glass out in the front door of their home.

Even Steve Harvey is giving you a WTF look, and when he gives you a WTF look, he means it! And we’re not going to post pictures or anything because we don’t want to encourage this kind of behavior. But then again it gives yet another glimpse into the man who is currently serving as our commander in chief. But you think this is only isolated to Rob Porter. But it definitely isn’t! Behind door #2:

Trump campaign co-chair gets 20 years for sexual abuse and trafficking teens

Tea Party leader and former Trump campaign chair Tim Nolan has pleaded guilty and received 20 years in prison for human trafficking, reports Cincinnati.com.

According to the report, Nolan, 71, a former judge, used drugs and threats of arrest to force women and girls under the age of 18 into sex acts.

Pleading guilty to 21 of the counts filed against him — for crimes committed dating back to 2004 — Nolan accepted a plea deal where he will serve 20 years in prison and pay a $100,000 fine, becoming eligible for parole in four years, his attorney stated.

Some of the incidents occurred in the summer of 2016 while Judge Nolan was serving as the chair of the Donald Trump campaign in Campbell County, KY.

Yes… holy shit!!!! Quick! To the Pedo Mobile!!

Because we always make fun of GOP conspiracy theorists and how they’re going to out some super secret pedophile cabal that’s been operating under our noses this whole time. And so far they’ve been going about it the same way Wiley Coyote attempts to catch the Road Runner. But it looks like the tide might be turning in this endeavor. So far we’ve caught more child molestors and abusers than they have, and it doesn’t take much effort!

The resignation of top White House aide Rob Porter amid allegations of domestic violence certainly raised questions about the vetting process for working for President Donald Trump.

But it also raised broader concerns about the standards of personal conduct that the president demands in his staff.

Veterans from previous administrations say hiring choices during their times often went far beyond questions of legality or competency and typically considered political, ethical and cultural issues. This may no longer be true, they say.

In Porter’s case, the claims from two ex-wives that he abused them physically and emotionally were enough to prevent him from being given a permanent security clearance during the year he worked in the White House. But some former White House staffers say a potential hire like that may not have made it through the gates in the past.

[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]Conservatives React To Obama Portrait
[br] [/font]

There really isn’t enough batshit crazy for this one. And it might be a new low for Sean Hannity, and this is in the same month he had that epic clusterfuck (See: Idiots #4-5 ). But Hannity doesn’t just run away with his tail between his legs when he knows he’s been defeated. Instead he’s like Popeye – he downs a can of Covfefe and comes back with twice the batshit! And really? The Obama presidential portrait? That’s what you’ve got to attack? Never mind that our rights and civil liberties are being stripped one by one, Obama has a portrait! Squirrel???

As evidence for this claim, Hannity posted a link to an article on his own website titled, “PORTRAIT PERVERSION: Obama Portrait Features ‘SECRET SPERM.'”

The article itself details Obama portrait artist Kehinde Wiley’s past use of what the New York Times has described as “rich textile or wallpaper backgrounds whose patterns he has likened to abstractions of sperm.”

The article then zooms in on a portion of the Obama portrait that it believes depicts a sperm swimming on the former president’s head, just around the area of his left temple.

The Hannity article said that the purported sperm in the Obama painting was part of a “shocking” and “widening scandal” about the portrait. In addition to painting the supposed sperm, notes the Hannity article, Kehinde Wiley has in the past made jokes about “killing Whitey.” See the detail of the Obama portrait yourself below.

In this case, Hannity is *REALLY* making love to the canvas! Excuse me a minute! I feel better! I mean that’s all they got? And why is the first thought “sperm”? I mean are we living in that movie “There’s Something About Mary”? I think Hannity could call this “There’s Something About Obama”, although I do like that graphic! But there’s more to this of course!

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Sperm is too.

At least for conspiracy-mongering Fox News host Sean Hannity.

His latest Barack Obama beef revolves around the former President’s official portrait by Kehinde Wiley and “secret sperm cells.”

After a handshake and a hug with the New York-based artist, the former commander in chief applauded the portrait at the unveiling Monday.

“What I was always struck by whenever I saw his portraits,” said Obama, “was the degree to which they challenged our conventional views of power and privilege.”

I hear Hannity might be looking for an attractive blonde cohost. And by the way if there’s no band starting tomorrow called “Secret Sperm”, I will have lost all faith in the internet! And we might be picking on Hannity for insane conspiracy theories surrounding the Obama portrait (trust us – we are) but he’s not the only one cooking up crazy theories surrounding the portrait!

The far-right internet spent yesterday hurling faux outrage at Kehinde Wiley, the artist who painted Barack Obama’s presidential portrait, with one internet personality going so far as to smear Wiley as a “white genocide fetish artist.”

Wiley is known for depicting modern-day African-American subjects using the tropes of classical European art. As Media Matters and Upworthy’s Parker Molloy first noted yesterday, the far-right has latched on to a pair of Wiley’s paintings in which he depicts the biblical story of Judith beheading Holofernes—a frequent subject in Renaissance art—as a black woman holding the head of a white man or a white woman.

These paintings were enough to revive the longstanding right-wing meme that Obama is racist against white people and to make Wiley the latest object of the far-right internet’s smear machine.

The Gateway Pundit’s White House reporter Lucian Wintrich claimed that it was hard to interpret Wiley’s prior paintings as “anything other than a blatant statement of racism.”

And our good friend Alex Jones has also repeated this insane theory about the Obama portrait and sperm:

Infowars leader and crackpot conspiracy theorist Alex Jones, contributing to the second phase of the ongoing right-wing smear campaign against the artist who painted Barack Obama’s presidential portrait, claimed that the artist purposefully painted an image of sperm on Obama’s face to fulfill part of a globalist agenda to “have everything be a ritual of abomination.”

Today on Infowars, Jones claimed the artist Kehinde Wiley, who was hired to paint Obama, “is obsessed with sperm” and that “all of his paintings have sperm swimming all over everything.” For some reason, Jones also felt the need to clarify that the alleged sperm shape in question was a “GMO sperm” that was “fully formed.”

“You say, ‘But, it doesn’t make sense, it’s so degenerate.’ It’s a religion of degeneracy. It’s what globalism is. It’s what Satanism is,” Jones said. “So there you go, President Obama covered in sperm in new national portrait, and it’s all part of the joke in your face, because they don’t want upright strength. They want to have everything be a ritual of abomination.”

Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww…. In this case I don’t want to know what a happy accident is! And by the way I want to introduce to you my new band “Secret Sperm”! And we’ll be playing our debut album “Ritual Of Abomination”! One night only! And Jerome Corsi also took things in a very dark direction, like he does. We may have to profile him in “This Fucking Guy” sometime.

Corsi was online yesterday when the official portraits of Barack and Michelle Obama were released, and like so many others on the Right, he saw something nefarious in the paintings, asserting that the foliage and flowers in Barack Obama’s portrait were a symbol of “the pedophilia that they’re engaging in.”

“That is one of the weirdest presidential portraits I have ever seen,” Corsi said. “It’s a bizarre picture.”

“It’s a reference to the loss of virginity in terms of a physical sense,” he added. “It’s a very physical reference to loss of virginity … This whole elite globalist pedophilia is a major theme that Q continues to remind us underlies a lot of these globalists that we are dealing with. The fact that they are sitting on flowers and the deflowering could be easily an image of the pedophilia that they’re engaging in or the slavery pedophilia, you know, tend your gardens everybody, their slave gardens.”


I don’t know why but Hannity’s insane theory suddenly makes innocent Bob Ross clips sound that much creepier. Don’t try to picture that when you go home tonight! I repeat! Don’t do it! “Yes, just ejaculate on the pallet. Now take your sperm, mix it with some blue paint… and then we want a nice little smudge in the bottom right corner. That will just be our little secret!” Whew, this might be the dirtiest entry I’ve ever done! Now… just to get that image out of your head, here’s an article about a guy on the US Men’s Curling team who looks like Mario!

The Winter Olympics have once again brought in the onslaught of jokes and memes at the expense of Curling, a sport that not everyone (including this writer) understands, but some people really enjoy. At the forefront of U.S. curling this year are siblings Matt and Becca Hamilton, who have arguably become superstars within their sport as well as within U.S. news for their impressive performances on the ice.

This year, after having helped dominate the sport in the U.S. for three years alongside his sister, Matt Hamilton has taken center stage for what might be the best combination of red sportswear and a thick mustache ever. Despite - or perhaps in spite of - their fall at the hands of Team Finland in this year's mixed doubles curling competition, the Hamiltons are enjoying a batch of entertaining posts and edits likening the elder sibling to one very important video game hero: Super Mario.

[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]Top 10 Investigates: Bay View, Michigan
[br] [/font]

Religion. It’s given people hope in a world torn apart by religion. Now let’s go to a place in Michigan’s Upper Peninsula, where it would give a glimpse of what a nationwide take over by the religious right would look like in the future. Or a second term of Donald J. Trump, whichever comes first. The town of Bay View was founded in the year 1875 with the premise of advancing scientific and intellectual culture and the religion of Christianity. Really? Wouldn’t those two things cancel each other out? In fact this sleepy community made some big news because of a recent lawsuit.

Tucked away in Michigan’s Lower Peninsula, somewhere along the winding roads that hug Great Lakes shores, is an idyllic town named Bay View. For more than a century, generations of “Bay Viewers” have congregated here to share in summer activities.

What started out as a modest camping ground for Methodist families 140 years ago has quietly developed into a stunning vacation spot for people who can afford the upkeep of a second home. Streets named Moss, Fern and Maple are dotted with impeccably maintained century-old gingerbread cottages. Over the horizon, residents can watch lifelong friends sail their boats across the water.

But this paradise is not open to all.

In Bay View, only practicing Christians are allowed to buy houses, or even inherit them.

Prospective homeowners, according to a bylaw introduced in 1947 and strengthened in 1986, are required to produce evidence of their faith by providing among other things a letter from a Christian minister testifying to their active participation in a church.

Yes, Jesus saves, and saves you money. So this sleepy town sounds like the idyllic community for those stuck in 1950’s nostalgia sitcoms. Everyone goes to church. Everyone has boats. Everyone comes home to a nice home cooked meal. Until you see that last line – you must obtain letters from ministers testifying to your active participation in a church. Yes, cue the horror music.

A Michigan town where prospective buyers need a letter from their church minister to purchase a house has become the subject of a US legal battle.

Bay View, a scenic waterfront community on the shores of Lake Michigan, began life in 1875 as a campsite for local Methodists.

In the intervening century and a half, the settlement has developed into an upscale resort town and sought-after location for holiday homes, The Guardian reports.

The town enjoys an unusual amount of self-governance, MLive reported last year, and the Bay View Association has powers that go far beyond the usual homeowners’ association, including the right to dictate who should - and should not - own houses in the community.

A bylaw prohibiting the sale of homes to non-white residents was lifted in 1959, while a quota on Catholics remained in place until the 1980s.

Well, to be fair, at least they got rid of the racist requirement. I mean it only took them 100 years of progress to do so, but it had to be done, damn it! But there’s more to this sleepy northern town than meets the eye. And you know why does the way this town is run remind us of the way Sanford is run from the movie Hot Fuzz? It’s all for the greater good!

He said that the association --named one of the 12 "Prettiest Painted Places" in the U.S. for its colorful, well-kept "gingerbread" cottages -- welcomes everyone, including renters and the greater community, to many events and programs held at the campus.

"Like most private associations, there are specific requirements for membership. Our membership requirements have been part of our history and we understand that some of our members or the general public may disagree with them," the statement said.

"The Bay View Association of the United Methodist Church is an ecumenical, private, voluntary membership, organization," the statement said.

So Bay View is a model village. Does that mean that they have their own tiny model village of their own like in Hot Fuzz? Just like that movie, as you peel back the layers, you see something much more sinister lurking in the shadows.

"Unlike many other private properties and private associations, Bay View welcomes the public to our grounds and to experience our programming. We are not a gated community and anyone, regardless of age, income, race, gender, national origin, or religion is welcome on our campus and to attend our events."

Spencer said he had not heard of the inclusiveness group until it filed the lawsuit challenging association bylaws.

He does not know who filed suit, but said that "it is unfortunate that they would first not identify themselves so that we could sit down and discuss their concerns. Our organization believes in working though disagreements concerning our bylaws outside of the court system."

Yes because that’s what big city people think of small towns far away from civilization. It’s like that movie “Get Out” – eventually they’re going to run around screaming “Get Out” at you. So why would one want to get out of this small town? Well, remember back to when we said that the race restriction was removed? Well, they just imposed it somewhere else.

The race requirement was removed in 1959 but the religion test remained, with "further restrictions on the precise sect of Christian owners" from the 1960s to 1980s, the lawsuit said.

During that period, Roman Catholics could only comprise 10 percent of ownership, the lawsuit said.

A bylaw change in 1986 required prospective buyers to provide a reference letter from a pastor, the lawsuit said.

Prescott said that the state rejected Bay View's efforts to be an "ecclesiastic corporation" with the United Methodist Church controlling its affairs.

We can imagine that’s a typical day in Bay View. But this might be one insight into how a small town government like this works. But it would be nice to see a town without a Wal-Mart or Whole Foods, or anything else.

In response, the association said: "There is a simple process that members of the Association can follow to initiate bylaw amendments to change the membership requirements. Prior bylaw amendments proposals to change the membership requirements have been voted down by our members. They simply have not had enough votes in the past, so it appears that this group is now seeking to change our membership requirements through a court decision."

There you have it. A town so bent on controlling its’ citizens that it can’t bear the thought of being challenged in court. That’s it this week for Top 10 Investigates. See you next time!

[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]Holy Shit
[br] [/font]

Gather around, my fair brothers and sisters! For the Holy Church of the Top 10 has convened. It’s time to take a seat in the pew and pass the collection plate! For it is our weekly duty to tell you why the most devoted of us are also the most full of:

Now remember that last segment from our good friends at Top 10 Investigates? You know we here at the Top 10 qualify as a church! Of sorts. And I, Pastor Initech, will gladly sign a release if you want to purchase a cottage! And in case you’re wondering, I am more of a pastor than a guy who actually *IS* a pastor! And I only wish that the good lord JAYSUS had written down a story like this in the Good Book as an example of what *NOT* to do!

A Pennsylvania pastor insists he was merely counseling a naked man whom cops found bound with nylon rope in a parked car on a residential street, saying, “I have nothing to hide.”

George Nelson Gregory, 61, was sitting in the back seat of a car parked outside a house in Homestead when cops — responding to a call about a suspicious vehicle — spotted a naked man bound with nylon rope in the front seat around 11:30 p.m. Friday, KDKA reported.

A witness told police the naked man got out of the car in full view of his daughter’s window.

Gregory told the officers that he and the unidentified man were “just playing” in a consensual setting, adding that they “meet up from time to time to play with each other,” according to a criminal complaint obtained by the station.

And despite being inside a car on a well-lit public street, Gregory believed they were in a private setting, cops said.

Gregory, who could not be reached for comment Tuesday, still disputed what cops said about the bizarre ordeal, telling a KDKA reporter he has “nothing to hide.”

“I did nothing wrong,” Gregory told the station, adding that he and the man were approached by police because the officer thought somebody in the car was unconscious.

“I was counseling a young man with a drug problem,” Gregory told the station. “It did turn strange, but it wasn’t my doing, OK? And I was adamant that I’m participating in that way. And so that’s when the police pulled up, and they assume things, but I’m standing by my story. It’s not true.”

Uh huh, sure. Keep telling yourself that, Pastor! Nothing to see here! Well, apparently, according to GAWD, the creator of all that is good and holy, his SON Donald J. Trump, must be remaking the world in his divine image! But we all know that lying is a SIN!!!! And sins must be punished!!!

On Friday, End Times author Paul McGuire appeared on Rick Wiles’ “TruNews” program to promote his new book, “Trumpocalypse: The End-Times President, a Battle Against the Globalist Elite, and the Countdown to Armageddon.” During the broadcast, McGuire argued that since President Trump is being relentlessly attacked by the Luciferian globalists, it must be proof that he has been chosen by God.

McGuire asserted that “the very fact that Trump is opposed worldwide by the mass media, by the international banking families, by the globalist elite on every level” is proof that Trump is doing God’s work.

Trump is being “psychologically assassinated” by the media, he said. “CNN is a whore. It’s not journalism, it’s not even reality TV; it’s whoredom, it is spewing forth lie after lie. They don’t even blush when they lie, they’re a lying machine. And the Washington Post—for crying out loud, the Washington Post has sold itself to the lowest bidder as hookers in Times Square in New York.”

McGuire said that late night comedians attack Trump in order to appeal to “idiots” while witches are cursing him because they “get the fact that Trump is being used by God.”

Yes because even JAYSUS has had enough of your madness! I mean is Trump really the religious guy everyone thinks he is? No!!! Because blasphemy is one of the most egregious of SINS that you can commit here at the Holy Church Of The Top 10 and that is a one way ticket to the most darkest of places!!! Can I get an amen??? But the Christian right loves them some conspiracy theories, don’t they?

Right-wing pastor Paul Begley, who we first became aware of when he claimed to have insider information that First Lady Melania Obama ordered the White House to be “completely exorcised” of demons before she moved in, streamed a video on YouTube earlier this week in which he asserted that Barack Obama is leading an Illuminati plot to assassinate President Trump.

“We know right now, folks, that this was treasonous,” Begley said. “They’ve tried to hijack our nation, they tried to override our election and they are trying to destroy our Constitution. This is a cabal and by their own text messages, they even say they have secret societies and they say that these societies are meeting and these are top level people of several different U.S. government agencies working together as an Illuminati, working together as a cabal, to overthrow the United States of America.”

“I think that Bill Ayers is behind the scenes,” he continued. “I know that Barack ‘Barry’ Obama, I know that Barack Hussein Obama, I know that he is orchestrating it.

Now you know Brother Paul, that is so stupid! And stupidity is one of the most egregious of sins and it will send you to the darkest of places! Can I get an amen???? But the Christian right loves to do some victim blaming as you will clearly see by today’s message!

On his radio program today, extremist anti-LGBTQ pastor Kevin Swanson attributed USA Gymnastics doctor Larry Nassar’s sexual abuse of more than 150 women and girls he treated, in part, to the fact that gymnastics encourages “a fair amount of immodesty.”

Citing a variety of supposed dangers, such as the use of open showers, Swanson warned Christian parents against allowing their children to participate in sports because “sports tend to focus on the body.”

“There is an infatuation with the body,” he said, “and, of course, the sexual aspects of the body as well. Some sports encourage immodesty, revealing large portions of the body and this happens in some sports. These are the risky sports. Here they are, what are the risky sports? Gymnastics. Gymnastics and swimming. These are the sports in which there is an added risk.”

“Why are all of the gymnasts [at] more of a risk than other sports?” Swanson asked. “Do you really want your daughters involved in a sport that involves a fair amount of immodesty in which red-blooded American male coaches are interacting with these girls? Or, worse yet, where the infatuation of the body eventually effects the lesbian coaches?”

Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! You sir are a liar!!! Because hypocrisy in the eyes of the LAWRD hath cast the first stone. It even says so, I looked it up here in the Good Book! Hypocrities Chapter 32 Verse 5. And how great is the Top 10 Gospel Choir? Give it up for them! But they also love some transparency. Not Transparent, sir! I actually think the Christian fundamentalists probably hate that show!

The final episode of the “Faith for Our Nation” series produced by Kenneth Copeland Ministries for the purpose of preparing conservative Christians to vote in the 2018 midterm elections was dedicated to explaining that “Voting for Godly Judges Sets Our Nation’s Course.” The program featured former Rep. Michele Bachmann and right-wing pseudo-historian David Barton insisting that the proper role of a judge is issue rulings according to God’s law.

“A good judge proclaims the precepts of God, ultimately, because they understand the precepts of God and the premises of God and that’s how you get decisions based on wisdom, judgment, understanding, common sense,” Bachmann said.

Praising the appointment of Neil Gorsuch to the Supreme Court, Bachmann warned that there are hundreds of judges who will be appointed at both the state and federal levels, which means that it is imperative for Christians to elect godly politicians who will install judges “that will be reflective of God’s law.”

Quoting from the Bible, Barton insisted that it is the responsibility of judges to “honor God [and] fear the Son, otherwise you are going to create wrath.”

But in the good book, it sayeth “And the lord, even under the guise of thine own stupidity, one must still seeketh forgiveness from thy lord JAYSUS.” Nehlame 24: 7. But while we must partake in the sin of projection, we should be aware that even JAYSUS would just give a giant facepalm if he saw what thy were doing in thine image!

As we have noted several times before, once Religious Right pseudo-historian David Barton adopts a new talking point, nothing is going to stop him from repeating it, no matter how many times it is pointed out that the claim he is making is demonstrably false.

This fact was on display on Barton’s “WallBuilders Live” radio program today, where he falsely claimed that under President Obama, his organization was designated as “an enemy of the state.”

Barton was responding to a question from a listener who wanted to know what constituted a “domestic enemy” as mentioned in the Oath of Office that members of Congress take in which they vow to “support and defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, foreign and domestic.”

Barton said that nobody can agree what that term means today because we, as a nation, no longer rely on God to objectively establish what is right and wrong and so the definition now largely depends on who you ask.

Because even the good LAWRD!!! Our GODD!!! Has no idea what to make of these egregious allegations even though they aren’t mentioned anywhere in the Good Book! That’s the take away you should get from today’s sermon! Mass has ended, may you go in peace! That’s it this week for:

[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]The Alt Right
[br] [/font]

The Alt Right has been up to their usual bag ‘o tricks lately and it should be no surprise to anyone, especially regular viewers of this program, that they are not ashamed in flashing their racism out in the open like hookers on Las Vegas Blvd during a bachelor party. Hey, they’re open with it. So two prominent figures in the Alt Right – your racist uncle’s racist uncle Richard Spencer, and Patriot Prayer – got their asses handed to them last week.

That’s because Spencer won’t be speaking on the campus at all, at least for a while.

Spencer’s lawyer, Kyle Bristow, tweeted and the university confirmed Monday that the planned March 14 event is off because of a dispute over security fees.

Bristow referred to the security fee as “the unconstitutional speech tax” and said it is “cost-prohibitive.”

University of Cincinnati President Neville G. Pinto said in a written statement that, because no contract has been signed between Cameron Padgett, the Georgia State student who serves as Spencer’s booking agent, and the school, the March 14 date is no longer possible.

The university’s Public Safety Department requires a minimum of six weeks to prepare for such an event, Pinto said. The now-cancelled date would have been during spring break, when few, if any, students would have been on campus.

Yes, yes universities! Let the hate flow through you! You must give in to the Dark Side! And yes, we do have cookies! And who’s better at recruiting people to the Dark Side than Patriot Prayer? Because you know it has two things conservatives love in the name, and we’ll let you guess!

SEATTLE – Joey Gibson and his Patriot Prayer organization demonstrated Saturday that they are still capable of drawing attention from both the media and police officials for their far-right “free speech” events such as the one sponsored by the local chapter of College Republicans at the University of Washington campus.

The bigger question, however, was whether they remain capable of attracting any actual followers.

Saturday’s rally at UW’s Red Square followed the trend of recent Gibson-led events: Only a small gathering of about 50 people actually showed up in his support. Among them, despite his protestations to the contrary, were a number of devoted white nationalists.

And well the hate is well on display here. By the way, anyone remember the Kent State republicans who I profiled last season (see: Idiots #3-19 )? In case you’re wondering the protest against safe spaces backfired on them spectacularly:

The leader of the Kent State chapter of the conservative students’ group Turning Point USA filed a public resignation and announced the dissolution of her chapter of the organization in response to what she believed to be Turning Point USA’s insufficient response to the public ridicule her group’s members faced after conservatives at her university were photographed at an anti-safe-space protest wearing diapers.

In a letter addressed to Turning Point USA field director Frankie O’Laughlin and regional manager Alana Mastrangelo on Monday, Kent State’s Turning Point USA chapter president and campus coordinator Kaitlin Bennett detailed what she believed to be the organization’s abandonment of her chapter as members faced public ridicule after photos of protesters wearing diapers to protest “safe spaces” circulated online. Bennett claimed that Turning Point USA knew that the diaper-clad protesters belonged to another conservative group and not to Turning Point USA, but still let the members of the group’s Kent State chapter “face the consequences of online harassment.” From the open letter on Liberty Hangout (emphasis added):

And then there’s 4Chan – you know that website your cousin Timmy spends way too much time talking about. They also went full racist, and here’s more:

In right-wing internet message boards, users are encouraging one another to print and hang posters that state simply “It’s OK to be white” with the goal of exposing what they claim is anti-white racism in liberal communities and on college campuses.

Creators of the signs were first inspired by a news report that police were investigating fliers hung at Boston College that depicted Uncle Sam and the text, “I want you to love who you are” and “Don’t apologize for being white.” Reporters noted that the signs were posted near the planned location of an anti-racism rally on campus.

Earlier this week, 4chan users called on one another to hang fliers in their own communities with a more succinct spin on the Boston signs, making the statement “It’s Okay To Be White” in large easy-to-read font with no other context. One post detailing the plan explained the goal was to make liberals go “completely berserk” and ruin their credibility, marking a “massive victory for the right in the culture war.”

So since 4Chan is going all in on the racist card, what would some 4Chan valentines look like? “Pepe The Frog loves you!”. Or maybe “It’s OK to be white. Let’s be white together on Valentine’s Day!”. Or maybe “I have 14 words to say I love you.” The candy hearts really highlight the 14 words don’t they? This one is my favorite – “Be my 88!”. With a Hitler moustache! Nein! But really they’re not racist! Oh and by the way, 8Chan, while you’re too busy trying to figure out how to “trigger” us, we’re too busy doing that thing called “voting” and “winning elections”!

Right-wing YouTube creators have also taken notice, including Infowars editor-in-chief Paul Joseph Watson and white nationalist Paul Ramsey. Alt-right video bloggers James Allsup and Nick Fuentes even launched their own spin-off of the signs that read “Make your ancestors proud. Never feel guilty for who you are,” and solicited donations to produce and distribute their posters.

Offline, reporters have documented the signs at campuses across North America. The signs have appeared everywhere from California to Canada, and even at a Maryland high school. Online, 4chan users have shared hundreds of images of the signs hung on statues, wrapped around telephone poles, and even carved into a pumpkin.

Alt-right and far-right fever swamps of the internet are encouraging increased participation ahead of anti-fascism protests scheduled for the weekend across the United States, where users believe they can further embarrass liberals by proving their claims that white people are currently the subject of more racism and hate than any other group in America.

By the way, before we move onto the next entry, 4Chan and 8Chan, I seem to have misplaced something in my jacket. Let me go get it.

[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]Julian Assange
[br] [/font]

I couldn’t love this next story more, and it involves future James Bond villain Julian Assange. So let’s go back a few weeks because this couldn’t be any more insane. If there’s any proof that the Matrix exists and that we’re trapped in it, Assange is a real life Agent Smith. Well, the Ecuadoran embassy in London doesn’t want him, and London wants to indict him. Yes, kids, this is what we adults would refer to simply as a “clusterfuck”. Here’s more:

LONDON — A British judge upheld an arrest warrant for Julian Assange for the second time in a week on Tuesday, a significant setback for him after five and a half years of evading the authorities by living in the Ecuadorean Embassy in London.

Before a packed London courtroom, Senior District Judge Emma Arbuthnot rejected the arguments made by Mr. Assange’s lawyer, stating that he was not a prisoner, that his living conditions were nothing like those of a prison, and that he could have as many visitors as he liked. In fact, she said, he can — and should — walk free at any time to meet his legal fate.

“He is a man who wants to impose his terms on the course of justice,” Judge Arbuthnot said. “He wants justice only when it’s in his favor.”

If the judge had nullified the warrant, Mr. Assange, the founder of WikiLeaks, might have left the embassy, but that was far from certain. The United States and British governments have never publicly ruled out the existence of a secret request to extradite him to the United States, where he could face prosecution for publishing classified documents.

But before we can gloat any further, let’s do one of those things from movies and roll back and explain how we got to this point. I don’t think I’ve covered that slippery weasel enough here, because fuck that guy, but here’s some of the ways that we got here while Assange has been in exile:

Mr Assange has frequently said he would happily face British and Swedish justice if he is given a guarantee he will not be extradited to the United States.

This demand has never been overtly agreed to by the UK.

It is unclear how strong the appetite to prosecute Mr Assange is in America. In the past, his organisation has been a source of deeply embarrassing revelations for the US.

But Wikileaks’ recent activity has benefited the current administration – including the leak of Hillary Clinton’s campaign emails obtained by Russian-backed hackers.

The move lead Donald Trump to declare during his presidential bid: “I love Wikileaks.”

And who lies more than Julian Assange does? Well maybe Donald Trump, but that’s beside the point! Also, you know it’s generally not in our nature to kick a man when he’s down… ah fuck it, that’s all we do here! Plus think about the horror that Assange has wrought on the world! He deserves it! And by the way are we really surprised that Roger Stone wants to be BFFs with Assange, or is he really just a classless jackass? I say both!

Roger Stone, a longtime associate of Donald Trump who has previously claimed he had a “backchannel” to WikiLeaks, on Wednesday visited the Ecuadorian embassy in London, where officials have harbored the organization’s founder, Julian Assange, for over five years.

Stone told the Daily Beast, which first reported the visit, that he did not meet Assange. “I didn’t go and see him, I dropped off a card to be a smart ass,” he told the Daily Beast.

He added that he left his contact information for Assange, who has stayed in the Ecuadorian embassy for the last five years to avoid extradition to Sweden, where he faced allegations of sexual abuse.

“I dropped in my card, I don’t even think he’s there any more,” Stone said. He speculated that Assange might have been “extracted” secretly at some point in recent weeks.

You know if you were to look up the word “tool” in the dictionary you would see a picture of Roger Stone and Julian Assange. They’re both tools! But in case you’re wondering why Ecuador wants to kick him out, look no further. Oh and by the way Infowars fans, this is what a real conspiracy looks like!

Assange's asylum was granted by Moreno's predecessor, Rafael Correa. Moreno has said he will continue to protect Assange, but he's eager to get him out of the embassy. In December, Ecuador granted Assange citizenship, paving the way for officials to ask the United Kingdom to grant him diplomatic immunity. They declined, saying that Assange should leave and “face justice.”

On Sunday, Moreno vented about the situation in a television interview. He said that Assange had created “more than a nuisance” for his government. He also described him as an “inherited problem” and said his government was seeking help from “important people” to solve the problem.

Moreno has also urged Assange, he said, not to interfere with Ecuadoran politics or “that of nations that are our friends.” In the past, Assange had tweeted support for the Catalan independence campaign. He's also met at least once with Nigel Farage, the architect of the Brexit campaign.

[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]People Are Dumb
[br] [/font]

Oh you know what time it is? It’s time for this!

And of course Depeche Mode schedules a stop in my home town, on the day of my calculus final. Grr. Yes so of course you know by now you know that people are people, and people are dumb. So who’s dumb this week? Why don’t we start in our favorite state of Florida because why not? You know I’ve been to my local Goodwill Store hundreds of times, never saw this:

Talk about one heckuva an explosive donation.

Authorities say a grenade launcher, loaded with a live grenade, was left with other donated items at a Florida Goodwill store.

The Bradenton Herald reports that employees at a Goodwill store near Tampa reported the weapon on Sunday.

The Manatee County Sheriff's Office says the store manager told deputies that the grenade launcher had come in a shipment from another store several days earlier. The employees at the other location said they sent it along because they didn't know what it was.

Deputies say they disposed of the active grenade in a Hazmat locker, and the launcher was stored in the agency's property room.

It's not clear who donated the items.

Yeah maybe it was that guy who donated the grenade launcher! Next up – a new category that we haven’t explored here yet – dumb professors! So how are you a university professor and you don’t know that Australia is a single country? Well let’s explain.

This is Ashley Arnold, a 27-year-old resident of Idaho Falls, Idaho. She's a stay-at-home mom completing an online sociology degree with Southern New Hampshire University.

As part of her final class, for which she paid almost $1,000, students were required to complete a project outline last month in which they would compare a social norm in the US and another country.

For her "norm" Arnold picked social media use, and for her country she chose Australia.

But when Arnold got her grade back on Feb. 1, she was shocked to see her professor had failed her. Why? Because, according to the teacher, "Australia is a continent; not a country."

Yeah come on has that guy not seen The Simpsons? Next on People Are Dumb – our good friend Florida Man! Or maybe Florida Man’s wife Florida Woman! Of course you know the Super Bowl is the best game around, and this time around what happens when you fight during the Super Bowl? Might want to call Jerry Springer for this one!

A Florida woman allegedly injured her boyfriend by throwing a piece of furniture at him during an argument about who would win the Super Bowl, the St. Johns County Sheriff's Office said.

Cheryl Merrill, 60, was arrested after the incident, which happened at 7 p.m. Sunday, according to a police report. Merrill became enraged during the argument and allegedly threw a wooden shelf at her boyfriend of five years, deputies said.

The man suffered a swollen hand but refused medical treatment. Because of his hand injury, he was unable to sign an affidavit, deputies said.

Merrill was described by deputies as being "extremely intoxicated" and disobeyed orders to remain in the cul-de-sac while deputies investigated the incident, the report said.

Read more: http://www.statesman.com/news/deputies-say-florida-man-injured-during-super-bowl-argument/5XxMdyKXGlh58LRHEsO1xK/

Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Next up in People Are Dumb – we go to the Florida of the North – Wisconsin. So we all get it, we have loved ones, they die. And it sucks but it’s a part of life and we have to accept it. But do we really need to bring fucking pizza into the mix? If I’m planning Nana’s funeral I can guarantee the last thing I want would be a slice of pepperoni supreme!

Pre-planning a funeral is not a fun or comfortable task — that's why Mark Krause, president of Krause Funeral Homes in Wisconsin, added something a little unusual to the table: free pizza.

"People don't think about funerals until they really need them," he explained to TODAY Food. "So we asked ourselves, 'How do we get people to relax about the idea of thinking about this difficult topic ahead of time?'"

The answer? Food. "People are relaxed and open when they're surrounded by food," he said. "You think about everything you do in life... it always centers around food."

Last year, Krause and his team decided to invite potential customers to join them for an informational session to learn more about pre-planning their funerals. Knowing the topic wasn't exactly enticing, he decided that perhaps the main course should be.

Right, what situation isn’t improved by pizza? Deadpool knows what’s up! And come on, Nana didn’t skimp on the toppings, let’s not kid ourselves here! Finally this week for “People Are Dumb”, here’s a real life Rocket Man! Remember this guy from last year? Well he’s back! And he was proved wrong by Elon Musk!

A man who claims that Earth is flat tried to leave it in a homemade rocket Saturday but failed to overcome the gravitational force of a 13,166,800,000,000,000,000,000,000-pound sphere directly beneath him.

In fairness to Mike Hughes, he knows how to build a rocket. He built them for many years under the precepts of classical physics, when he was still a relatively conventional daredevil, which is to say, one who believed Earth is round.

But Saturday marked Hughes's third aborted launch since he declared himself a flat-earther last year and announced a multipart plan to fly to space by the end of 2018 so he could prove astronauts have been lying about the shape of the planet.

Why does Wiley Coyote keep using Acme products if they keep failing? Does he have a buy one get one free card? Does he have a credit card? Is he part of some rewards program? Does he get frequent flyer miles and access to presale concert tickets? I want to know! Anyway that’s it this week for:

[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]World Tour Shithole Edition Destination #4: Chile
[br] [/font]

Part of our mission statement here at the Top 10 Conservative Idiots is to show you that conservative idiocy isn’t just a problem with America. No, it’s a global problem that is stemming far and wide, and it’s not just America where conservative idiots ruin everything they touch. And if you’re thinking of moving out of the United States just because Donald J. Trump is our current president and our nation is turning to shit, you should know what it is you’re getting into should you decide that you want to leave the country. Well now things suddenly got interesting! So our world tour got hijacked by Donald Trump, and we’re off on a quest to find if any of the places Trump is suggesting are shitholes are actually shitholes. So here’s the World Tour 2018 Shithole Edition:

[font size="6"]Chile[/font]

It’s good to be back in South America everybody! Of course if you were familiar with last season at all you know we had to bail on Chile due to a holiday, so we were off that week. Well this is a makeup date for Chile. Of course you know Chile as the Texas of South America if only for the strikingly similar use of the one star on its’ flag. Chile is of course the home of the former brutal dictator Augusto Pinochet, but let’s not focus on that. Let’s focus on what Chile is the home of. It’s the home of some of the wildest and most extreme nature on earth – you’ve got glaciers, mountains, desert, jungle, geysers, some of the most beautiful beaches in the entire world. It’s also home to one of the highest elevations in the world and one of the lowest elevations in the world. Chile is also the home of one of the world’s original wonders – Easter Island, and yes you know them as the home of those famous statues. It’s also home to the driest place on earth – the Atacama Desert. It’s the home of major cities Santiago (the capital) and the hillside city of Valparaiso. And it’s also the home of the Andes Mountains and to Easter Island – which was once famously explored by Charles Darwin. But you know what else Chile is the home of? Let’s say meet the new boss – same as the old boss!

Chile’s president-elect, the billionaire businessman Sebastian Piñera, has unveiled a new hardline cabinet, including prominent conservative figures and some politicians once closely aligned with the Pinochet dictatorship.

The new interior minister, Andrés Chadwick, was a vocal supporter of Augusto Pinochet during his 1973-1990 regime, which named him president of the Catholic University Students Federation.

Chadwick and the new justice minister, Hernán Larraín, were also supporters and defenders of the secretive German enclave Colonia Dignidad, which was established by the fugitive Nazi officer and paedophile Paul Shäfer in the early 60s. It later emerged that the enclave was used by security officials to torture and murder opponents of the regime.

Both Chadwick and Larraín later made statements distancing themselves from Pinochet’s regime.

Yes, meet the new boss, same as the old boss! I swear Putin is filling this world what seems like a bunch of James Bond villains. I mean we got Erdogan in Turkey, Duterte in the Philipenes, and now Pinera in Chile! I mean could it get any worse?

SANTIAGO, Chile — They killed Tony the Tiger. They did away with Cheetos’ Chester Cheetah. They banned Kinder Surprise, the chocolate eggs with a hidden toy.

The Chilean government, facing skyrocketing rates of obesity, is waging war on unhealthy foods with a phalanx of marketing restrictions, mandatory packaging redesigns and labeling rules aimed at transforming the eating habits of 18 million people.

Nutrition experts say the measures are the world’s most ambitious attempt to remake a country’s food culture and could be a model for how to turn the tide on a global obesity epidemic that researchers say contributes to 4 million premature deaths a year.

“It’s hard to overstate how significant Chile’s actions are — or how hard it has been to get there in the face of the usual pressures,” said Stephen Simpson, director of the Charles Perkins Centre, an organization of scholars focused on nutrition and obesity science and policy. The multibillion dollar food and soda industries have exerted those pressures to successfully stave off regulation in many other countries..

Yeah they banned Tony The Tiger to help curb obesity. That’d be like banning Scrooge McDuck to help curb excessive greed! Good job guys! So why do big businesses suddenly have a massive interest in Chile? Well it could be because of this!

Tesla is now in talks with the Chile-based lithium mining firm SQM about the sourcing of further supplies — with the electric vehicle manufacturer reportedly interested in “important volumes,” according to industry figures.

To be more specific, the head of Chile’s development agency Corfo, Eduardo Bitran, was quoted by Reuters as saying that Tesla and SQM were “exploring” various possibilities following from interest being shown by Tesla.

This news isn’t particularly surprising, as Tesla will need to secure new lithium supplies if it is going to continue expanding at the rates that it’s targeting. Chile’s Atacama desert region is of course home to some of the largest concentrated lithium reserves in the world.

That is a good point, Morpheus! But unlike here in America, at least Chile embraces its’ natural beauty and its’ natural parks system which makes it home to some of the best hiking in the world!

If Chile isn’t already on your bucket list, get ready to add it. Then bump this wild and wonderful country straight to the top. This week, Chile’s president, Michelle Bachelet, signed a groundbreaking conservation measure, creating five new national parks and expanding three others.

Much of the land being earmarked for the parks comes from Kristine Tompkins, an American philanthropist and the founder and CEO of Tompkins Conservation. The not-for-profit organization is the life’s work of Tompkins, the former CEO of Patagonia Inc., and her late husband Doug Tompkins, founder of North Face and Esprit. Together, they spent 25 years purchasing and restoring land and, as a result, Tompkins’ donation comes to 1 million acres, making it the largest land donation in history.

Thanks to their hard work and forward thinking, this land will now be preserved for generations to come. “All of us who love the earth can see how the threats to wild places and creatures are growing,” Tompkins shared on her personal blog. “This is crucial work—it’s the work we’ve been doing for decades and will be doing with all of our energy and resources long into the future.”

There is a Simpsons GIF for everything! But in America we look the other way while American corporations ravage our natural beauty! But there’s one difference between Chileans and Americans – when you’ve been through one of the worst brutal dictators in American history, you learn a thing or two about how to stage a fucking protest!

SANTIAGO, Chile – As he does during every papal visit, Pope Francis produced plenty of surprises in Chile: He married a couple during a flight, stopped his motorcade to help a fallen police officer and wept with victims of sex abuse by priests.

But the pope also faced protests and a level of hostility unheard of in modern times for a papal visit. Anti-pope protests had to be broken up with tear gas, attackers burned at least 11 Roman Catholic Churches and pamphlets were found threatening Francis that the "next bomb would be in your cassock."

"This kind of violence during a papal visit is absolutely unprecedented. And Chile is historically a very solidly Catholic nation," said Andrew Chesnut, the Catholic Studies chair at Virginia Commonwealth University.

It remains to be seen whether the friction in Chile was a fluke or a harbinger of what to expect in future papal trips.

[font size="6"]The Verdict & Scorecard[/font]

Is Chile a shithole? Well some ways yes and some ways no. Sadly Putin got to the South American country so see it before it turns into a shithole!

Tourism: A
Culture: A
Political Spectrum: C-
Liberal Appeal: C-

Overall: C

[font size="6"]Next Week[/font]

We’ve got just two more stops on our Shithole World Tour and then we’re done. Next week is a good one as we’re going to visit Russia!

[font size="8"]And Now This:[/font]
[font size="8”]Rhianna[/font]

Ladies and gentlemen continuing our celebration of Black History Month, we’re going to get some music for all the lovers out there! Her latest album is called “Anti!”, and playing her song “Love On The Brain”, give it up for Rhianna!

Yeah how about that?

See you next week!


Host: Initech
Top 10 Conservative Idiots Recorded In Front Of Live Audience At: City National Grove Of Anaheim, Anaheim, CA
Special Thanks To: City National Grove Management
Images: All images copyright belongs to respective copyright holders.
Videos: All videos copyright belongs to respective copyright holders
Articles: All article content copyright belongs to respective copyright holders
Writing: Top 10 Writing Department
Graphics: Top 10 Graphics Department
Research: Top 10 Research Department
Lighting & Stage Props: Top 10 Lighting Department
Legal: Top 10 Legal Department
Advertising: Top 10 Advertising Department
HR: Top 10 Human Resources Department
Initech’s Wardrobe Provided By: JAB Inc.
Wheel Of Corruption By: Studio 1 Stage Props, Burbank, CA
Chile Hosting: Produciones Nacional, Santiago, Chile
Rhianna Appears Courtesy Of: Roc Nation Records
Management: Initech Productions, CCC Management
Follow The Top 10 At: @DUInitechTop10

Initech Productions: Yes, We Got The Memo

3 replies, 3638 views

Reply to this thread

Back to top Alert abuse

Always highlight: 10 newest replies | Replies posted after I mark a forum
Replies to this discussion thread
Arrow 3 replies Author Time Post
Reply Top 10 Conservative Idiots #4-6: I Fought The Shut Down (And The Shut Down Won) Edition (Original post)
Initech Feb 2018 OP
malaise Feb 2018 #1
Initech Feb 2018 #2
malaise Feb 2018 #3

Response to Initech (Original post)

Wed Feb 14, 2018, 06:13 PM

1. OMFG - you are one minute late

Thanks bro - will read tonight - too distracted with the Florida shooting

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink

Response to malaise (Reply #1)

Wed Feb 14, 2018, 06:15 PM

2. Oh no! The horror!

Actually some technical difficulties with the set. Plus I was preparing the new "Holy Shit" logo!

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink

Response to Initech (Reply #2)

Wed Feb 14, 2018, 06:17 PM

3. LOL

See it's your fault for always posting on the hour - I appreciate your hard work bro

Reply to this post

Back to top Alert abuse Link here Permalink

Reply to this thread