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Wed Jan 31, 2018, 06:00 PM

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #4-4: State Of The Uniom Edition

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #4-4: State Of The Uniom Edition

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! Switch to the Top 10 today and save $620 a year on your car insurance! We are back everybody! You know let’s start on a positive note. I don’t want you to think this show is about negativity. I want to make you some money – yes, I’m not just in it for the money, but I’m also in it to make you money. So let’s talk about some gambling. Specifically the Big Game is this weekend – Super Bowl 52! And think of it like the 1% vs the 99% - and the 1% are the New England Patriots of course. If you’ve been following the Top 10 you should know we’re not exactly on board the Brady train. But one of my favorite aspects of the Super Bowl is all the crazy bets you can place. And this year there are some particularly interesting entries in the world of gambling. For instance you can bet on whether or not Pink will be going airborne during her national anthem performance. You can also bet on how Justin Timberlake will start his halftime show – and the current odds on favorite is zipline! There’s another bet on which song Timberlake will start with, or whether there will be an N*SYNC reunion! And yes of course there’s the inevitable discussion on whether or not a wardrobe malfunction will occur. You can also bet on whether or not Trump will tweet about the game as it’s going on. Low ratings! Everybody must stand for the national anthem! Sad! There’s also an over / under on how many times Gisele Bundchen will be shown. Current favorite is 1.5 times, with “over” as the favorite. You can even bet on what color of Gatorade will be dumped on the winning coach after it’s all said and done. There’s even a bet on whether or not Donovan McNabb’s infamous vomiting incident from the last time the Patriots and Eagles faced in the Super Bowl will be, um, brought up. But none of these prop bets really matter. My favorite one of all? You can actually bet on whether or not Tom Brady’s jersey will be stolen! Yes that’s right! So come on people of Minneapolis? Who’s brave enough to do this? Let’s get some Mission Impossible shit going here! OK enough of the intro. But first, Will Ferrell is back on Saturday Night Live and breaking out his awesome George W Bush impression:

Disclaimer: We are *NOT* going to cover the Larry Nasser story. Just like the Perris story, this is way too horrifying to make fun of, and we agree with the judge 100% on this. Making fun of this story would be beneath us, and we won’t go there. Now on with the show!

So we are going all in on “The Memo” this week, folks! Taking the number one slot this week of course is King Deplorable, Sean Hannity (1). Whew. Sean, keep doing what you're doing. He had quite the week this week. So while the rest of network TV was focused on Trump, Sean Hannity diverted the Fox News Nation’s attention to a car chase in Arizona where a white supremacist and sovereign citizen made the news. Yeah and this guy is a real gem too. In the second slot is the surveillance industry’s favorite Congressman Devin Nunes. And we have to tell the story of the memo, and it is pretty fucking spectacular because it so far has failed miserably and only stirred up the crazies. Speaking of stirring up the crazies, Alex Jones (3) takes the third spot. And he attempted to release his own memo, but it turns out that the one he released was already released. In the fourth slot is Donald Trump (4) and we’re going to recap his 2nd state of the union address, and it is going to be a spectacular fail. In the 5th slot is also Donald Trump and we’re going to tell you about how the Doomsday Clock has reached 2 minutes to midnight (cue Iron Maiden) and then tell you about how we got to this point. At number 6 is our favorite weekly sermon of all things holy, Holy Shit (6). And this time the religious right is making excuses for Trump’s behavior. And I think God is about to hear some real whoppers being told. Taking the seventh slot is the White Male Groper’s Club (7) and they’ve added a few new members – most notably billionaire casino mogul Steve Wynn. At number 8, we’re going to talk sports and specifically the launch of the new football league the XFL (8) by WWE’s Vince McMahon, and this new league is going to appeal to Fox News fans. We’ll explain more. In the number 9 (NEIN!!!) slot this week we’ve got a new installment of “I Need A Drink” and we’ve actually got some booze related news. We’re going to introduce you to New York City bar owner Trigger Smith, who banned the use of the word literally. Finally this week we’re continuing the Shithole Edition of our World Tour 2018 and we’re going to the West African coastal nation of Ghana! Is it as fucked up as Trump says it is? Well there’s only one way to find out! Plus we’ve got some live music for you from Pittsburgh's premiere pop punk band Anti Flag. They have a great new album out called "American Fall". Buy it or get out of my audience! Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

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[font size="8"]Sean Hannity
[br] [/font]

King Deplorable Sean Hannity has been quite prolific this week. First he claimed that California representative and tin foil hat model Devin Nunes has a “memo” that could bring down and jail members of the democratic party. But first I have to post this story which I saw on Monday and I laughed my ass off. So it turns out that Wikileaks founder and republican treason weasel Julian Assange attempted to contact Sean Hannity on Twitter IM to offer some dirt on the Russia investigation… and wound up IM’ing the wrong Sean Hannity!

At about 4 a.m. on Saturday morning, a couple hours after she started pretending to be Sean Hannity, Dell Gilliam says she got a direct message back from the head of Wikileaks, Julian Assange. That’s when she said she “kind of panicked.”

“I felt bad. He really thought he was talking to Sean Hannity,” said Gilliam.

Gilliam, a technical writer from Texas, was bored with the flu when she created @SeanHannity__ early Saturday morning. The Fox News real account was temporarily deleted after cryptically tweeting the phrase “Form Submission 1649 | #Hannity” on Friday night. Twitter said the account had been “briefly compromised,” according to a statement provided to The Daily Beast, and was back up on Sunday morning.

When Gilliam made the account, she did not expect to be setting up a meeting over “other channels” for Assange to send “some news about Warner,” an apparent reference to Sen. Mark Warner, the top Democrat on the Senate intelligence committee investigating Russian interference in the 2016 election.

More and worth the read: https://www.thedailybeast.com/julian-assange-thought-he-was-messaging-sean-hannity-when-he-offered-news-on-democrat-investigating-trump-russia?ref=home

Thank you Sound Effects Guy! So when you’re Sean Hannity and you make such a grandiose claim about jailing members of the other side, what do you do?

Sean Hannity has suggested there are powerful people at the FBI and Department of Justice (DOJ) who should be investigated and “probably” thrown in jail over alleged corruption.

The Fox News host delivered a bombastic rant that slammed the probe into Hillary Clinton’s emails, as well as the much-discussed memo that reportedly details abuse and misuse of government authority under the Foreign Intelligence Service Act (FISA).

In a monologue that saw Hannity link events back to when “Hillary Clinton rigged the primary,” the host said the rule of law had been ignored and said Bernie Sanders supporters “should be pissed.”

“They ignore the rule of law, the Constitution, and Clinton and the DNC that she control then spend over $12 million to influence the election with a bought-and-paid-for dossier full of Russian lies and propaganda that was shipped off to the compliant media,” he said.

“The Obama administration weaponize the powerful tools of intelligence that we need to keep our country safe, but in this case, they used it to target members of the Trump campaign. This, so you understand, is so much bigger than Watergate,” he continued.


Seriously even Penn is telling you to shut the fuck up! And when he tells you to shut the fuck up, he means it! So apparently if you watch Fox News – and if you’re watching my crappy little program I’m guessing you don’t – you should know that Sean Hannity’s name frequently turns up in the most retweeted stories by Russian owned bot accounts:

Soon after Donald Trump’s former national security adviser Michael Flynn agreed to a plea deal with special counsel Robert Mueller on Dec. 1, Kremlin-linked trolls began ramping up their social-media attacks on the Russia investigation. They tweeted out dozens of articles from Fox News and far-right outlets aimed at undermining the credibility of the FBI, the Department of Justice, and the so-called deep state. And Vladimir Putin’s trolls would soon have a new vein of material to exploit.

As Christmas approached, a drumbeat against the FBI grew louder in certain quarters of Congress: GOP Rep. Jim Jordan led the attack, claiming on Fox News that the FBI had conspired against Trump’s 2016 campaign. President Trump himself launched broadsides against FBI Deputy Director Andrew McCabe and “leakin’ James Comey.” And on December 20, Fox News star Sean Hannity tweeted “CONSPIRACY: GOP Lawmakers Says FEDERAL CONSPIRACY to Prevent Trump Presidency.”

That day, Hannity’s website ranked among the top 10 shared by the network of Twitter accounts linked to Russian influence campaigns and tracked by the nonpartisan Alliance for Securing Democracy on its national security project, the Hamilton 68 dashboard. Hannity content had not registered much previously—but since December 20, links from Hannity’s site have appeared frequently on the dashboard, often ranking among the top 10. “It’s now up there with other top most-shared domains,” says Bret Schafer, an analyst who monitors the dashboard for the Alliance.


I love that graphic! And of course the deplorable crowd is going to claim that the Mueller investigation is a Deep State Conspiracy. By the way I’m going to start a new band called Deep State Conspiracy tomorrow!

In recent months it has been widely reported that U.S. President Donald Trump is under investigation for colluding with Russia to influence the outcome of the 2016 presidential election. Special counsel Robert Mueller is reportedly also looking into allegations that President Trump is guilty of obstruction of justice when he fired former FBI Director James Comey. As anyone who follows Trump’s Twitter feed is well aware, the president claims that the Mueller investigation amounts to nothing more than a politically inspired “witch hunt.” President Trump claims that any suggestion that he conspired with the Russians is “fake news.”

Throughout Trump’s election campaign, and in the period since his inauguration, the president has frequently tweeted his praise for right-leaning outlet Fox News while condemning any story critical of him as “fake news.” As recently reported by BBC News, during his first year in office, President Trump posted 1,238 critical messages, 196 of those messages were critical of the mainstream media. During the same period, Trump posted just 527 messages of praise. Of those messages, 79 praised the military or veterans, while 35 praised Fox News or its presenters.

Yeah really, Hannity, STFU. I mean really with enemies like these, who needs friends? They’re seriously treading into stalker territory here. I mean what would happen if they really did jail the opposition? Are they really willing to go there? But this might be my favorite Hannity news ever. So of course he is caught up in the Russia probe – and he might be next on Mueller’s list!

Soon after Donald Trump’s former national security adviser Michael Flynn agreed to a plea deal with special counsel Robert Mueller on Dec. 1, Kremlin-linked trolls began ramping up their social-media attacks on the Russia investigation. They tweeted out dozens of articles from Fox News and far-right outlets aimed at undermining the credibility of the FBI, the Department of Justice, and the so-called deep state. And Vladimir Putin’s trolls would soon have a new vein of material to exploit.
As Christmas approached, a drumbeat against the FBI grew louder in certain quarters of Congress: GOP Rep. Jim Jordan led the attack, claiming on Fox News that the FBI had conspired against Trump’s 2016 campaign. President Trump himself launched broadsides against FBI Deputy Director Andrew McCabe and “leakin’ James Comey.” And on December 20, Fox News star Sean Hannity tweeted “CONSPIRACY: GOP Lawmakers Says FEDERAL CONSPIRACY to Prevent Trump Presidency.”
That day, Hannity’s website ranked among the top 10 shared by the network of Twitter accounts linked to Russian influence campaigns and tracked by the nonpartisan Alliance for Securing Democracy on its national security project, the Hamilton 68 dashboard. Hannity content had not registered much previously—but since December 20, links from Hannity’s site have appeared frequently on the dashboard, often ranking among the top 10. “It’s now up there with other top most-shared domains,” says Bret Schafer, an analyst who monitors the dashboard for the Alliance.

So when you’re faced with this news, the typical Fox News protocol is to yell “SQUIRREL!!!” and immediately change the subject. Yes, Fox News is the “Squirrel!” network. While the other networks do things like facts and research, Fox News will find anything else to talk about. So they went to a car chase in Arizona. That’s right – they divert, you do… something that rhymes with “divert”.

Don’t get too eager to see a format change, however. After sheepishly coming forth with Henry’s confirmation, Hannity didn’t appear too interested in prolonging his correction. Instead, he went to another pressing story: “We have a shocking video of the day to bring you, by the way. This footage comes to us from Arizona where — you see that red SUV, high-speed police chase? Ultimately the suspect’s vehicle slams into another car, flips several times before coming to a stop. The driver eventually comes out of the car — the wrecked vehicle — but instead of running, he stands around until police arrive and then promptly arrested him,” said Hannity.

Yeah so in typical Fox News fashion they did the thing where they yell SQUIRREL!!! But what they weren’t prepared for was the gem of a citizen they accidentally unearthed. And let’s shed a bit more light on this individual.

A 31-year-old man suspected of leading officers on a police chase that crisscrossed Phoenix-area freeways and ended in a head-on crash Wednesday morning has "anti-government views," officials said Wednesday.

Troopers with the Arizona Department of Public Safety took Mitchell Timothy Taebel into custody following the crash that sent one woman to the hospital with non-life-threatening injuries near the Arizona State University Tempe campus, officials said.

A statement released later in the day by DPS said that the agency was "aware that Mr. Taebel has anti-government views."

Taebel's personal website states that the U.S. Department of Justice is "unconstitutional" and links to an Indiana court record from earlier this month showing that Taebel sued the government for prohibiting marijuana use.

The document deemed marijuana prohibition unconstitutional.

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[font size="8"]Devin Nunes
[br] [/font]

So the chairman of the House Intelligence Committee, and guy whose Windows logon password is most likely “password”, Devin Nunes (R-Nutjob) has also been extremely prolific this week. The story goes that he authored a memo. Yes, a memo that he and Russian bots everywhere claim could bring down the entire democratic party. These people are fucking nuts if they think they can get away with this and not have it be considered an act of war. Because it very well could be an act of war!

Republican lawmakers have said texts that the Justice Department gave to Congress last week, supplementing another set that lawmakers received last year, show pervasive political bias against Mr. Trump. Republicans also portrayed phrases in the texts, including a reference to a “secret society” in the F.B.I., as hints of a conspiracy to sabotage him.

“The texts between Strzok and Page referenced a ‘secret society,’” Representative John Ratcliffe, Republican of Texas, wrote on Twitter, adding: “It’s clear from the thousands of texts we reviewed that Strzok and Page held a manifest bias against @realDonaldTrump in favor of Hillary Clinton and showed an intent to act upon that bias.”

Other people familiar with the texts agreed that they showed the two officials expressing many negative opinions about Mr. Trump and his team — like declaring “what a disaster” after learning that Jeff Sessions would be the attorney general.

Yes… WTF lol. You claim to have evidence to a “secret society” that calls itself a “secret society”? Really, Devin? You don’t make your internet password as “password”, do you? We should just call this Memogate. Or how I learned to stop worrying and love Russia. Even Fox News is pissed off at this, and you don’t want to piss them off!

Fox News host Shepard Smith slammed Republican Rep. Devin Nunes on Thursday for pushing the narrative that the FBI and the Department of Justice are biased against President Donald Trump.

Nunes, the chair of the House Intelligence Committee, helped write a controversial memo that purports to detail illegal surveillance by the Obama administration during the transition period after Trump's 2016 election. Some Republicans are pushing the Trump administration to allow Nunes' committee to publicly release the document.

"A memo can be a weapon of partisan mass distraction," Smith said on his daytime news program, 'Shepard Smith Reporting.' "Especially at a pivotal moment in American history when it behooves the man in charge for supporters to believe the institutions can’t be trusted, investigators are corrupt, and the news media are liars. Context matters."

Yeah when Fox News and republicans fight, you can watch on the sidelines but don’t get too comfortable! And I love how they’re just being out in the open about this. Yeah we’re going after a Secret Society that calls itself Secret Society. Hey guys, you ever get the impression that the phrase “secret society” implies that they might, I don’t know, work in secret? I’m just guessing!

Attacks by Donald Trump on US intelligence agencies were taken up and amplified by the US right at full volume this week, as special counsel Robert Mueller’s investigation moves closer to the president.

The targets of the rightwing ruckus were the Federal Bureau of Investigation, Mueller, and anyone else involved in assessing Russia’s assault on US election systems, which intelligence agencies say constitute an ongoing emergency but which Trump has dismissed as exaggerated.

Trump said on Thursday that he was “looking forward” to being interviewed by Mueller about Russia and that the interview could take place within the next “two or three weeks”.

Yeah wait a minute, don’t think we’re letting you get away with this one, smart guy! You know Trump interviewing Mueller is going to be the Tom Brady’s hand of political psych-out moves. I mean come on there’s no way he could have won that game if his hand was injured! But you know the underlying irony in all of this? The party that’s calling the left “anti-police” is doing everything it can to discredit the actual police!

Republicans on the House Intelligence Committee are on the verge of defying the Department of Justice and voting to release a classified memo they say will reveal misconduct by senior FBI officials involved in investigating President Donald Trump's campaign.

POLITICO contacted or reviewed statements by the committee’s 13 Republicans, and found near-unanimous support for making public the memo, which Democrats call a misleading effort to discredit special counsel Robert Mueller’s probe into Trump’s ties to Russia.

A vote by the committee — expected as soon as Wednesday — to release the controversial document would put its fate into the hands of President Donald Trump, who has not taken a clear position on its public disclosure.

The committee sentiment suggests that House Republicans are unfazed by a top Justice Department official’s warning that doing so without first consulting the department would be “extraordinarily reckless,” and underscores the GOP’s determination to shift attention from Russian election influence onto alleged anti-Trump bias among federal Russia investigators.

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[font size="8"]Alex Jones
[br] [/font]

Whew. This is going to be a very long fucking year people. And I need a drink. As evidenced already by Sean Hannity’s epic display of lunacy. As if that couldn’t get any weirder, wait until you get a load of what Alex Jones did this week. You know Alex Jones – the Infowars guy and guy who secretly blows a cartoon-style gasket when we’re not looking. He’s your creepy uncle’s creepy uncle. And his side is doing everything it can to discredit the Mueller investigation. So we’re continuing from the previous entry on Devin Nunes here.

Rep. Devin Nunes (R-Calif.) won’t #releasethememo. The now infamous document was prepared by Republican staffers for the House Intelligence Committee, which is chaired by Nunes, and it supposedly details how the FBI and the Justice Department improperly conducted surveillance in connection with the Trump-Russia probe. Conservatives looking to discredit the Russia investigation have embraced the classified memo, though they haven’t seen it, and have called for its release. But Nunes has so far insisted on keeping it secret—even from the Justice Department.

“We requested to see the memo and have not been given access to read it,” a Justice Department source tells Mother Jones. The FBI has also been denied access to the document, the Daily Beast revealed on Sunday.

The memo reportedly asserts that federal officials abused their power by seeking a warrant targeting a Trump campaign adviser under the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act (FISA) without disclosing that evidence cited in the application relied on research by former British spy Christopher Steele. The ex-MI6 officer, who once ran the spy agency’s Russia desk, was working for a firm that was paid by Hillary Clinton’s presidential campaign and the Democratic National Committee.

OK so Devin Nunes won’t release the memo. But you know who did? Alex Jones. And man he claims he has some high up sources. I mean never mind that Trump talks to him directly. “FAKE NEWS!!!”. You almost need a flow chart to explain the madness between Hannity, Nunes, and Jones. Can we get competent adults back in charge please?

Conspiracy theorist Alex Jones purported to exclusively release a secret memo that Rep. Devin Nunes (R-CA) has touted which supposedly undermines the investigation into collusion between the Trump campaign in Russia. The document that Jones displayed on air during his January 23 show has actually been publicly available on a government website since at least May 2017.

Jones tried to do damage control later in the show, claiming that forces in the government hacked a computer in his offices to try to prevent him from releasing it, but that it wouldn’t work because “Trump already published it."

Nunes’ memo has been the subject of widespread speculation and triggered the right-wing social media campaign #releasethememo. According to Mother Jones, “The now infamous document was prepared by Republican staffers for the House Intelligence Committee, which is chaired by Nunes, and it supposedly details how the FBI and the Justice Department improperly conducted surveillance in connection with the Trump-Russia probe.”

The Mother Jones article added that “Conservatives looking to discredit the Russia investigation have embraced the classified memo, though they haven’t seen it, and have called for its release. But Nunes has so far insisted on keeping it secret -- even from the Justice Department.”

OK you trust people when you don’t trust people. Got it. So how could Alex have got his hands on a memo that even the author won’t release to the public? Is it because it’s a steaming load of Grade A bullshit? Or is it that there is no memo? Oh I know! It’s the wrong fucking memo!

ALEX JONES (HOST): I got to go off air because William Binney, former technical head of the National Security Agency, the main technical adviser obviously on the big film Snowden, who’s advised the president and the CIA director [Mike] Pompeo, he’s now advising the president, he’s going to be joining us next hour.

He just said, “Hey, here, why don’t you just have the actual memo they’re talking about.” Now there’s another memo they’re writing about this memo. But here it is, just sent to us. I’ve got to go off air, this is the classified memo right here. I mean, I told you I have sources and that I’d reverse engineered it, but I guess the decision has been made by whoever’s telling Binney to send this to us. Document cam please. And it’s -- a lot more is coming up after the break, OK, this is happening right now.

Can we do a document cam shot, please? Here it is ladies and gentlemen, the first look. You want to look at it? Got the whole thing. In fact, the rest of it’s coming out of the printer, guys, will you bring it to me please? The one by my office in the hall. Here it is, this is why I’m having trouble conducting the show here, broadcast.

Yeah this one actually is wrong! Oh and here’s the best part – Alex blames the error on… wait for it… hackers! Yay!!!!!

Later in his broadcast, perhaps aware of what he had done, Jones told a fantastical story about criminal elements in the government hacking a computer at his Infowars studio to try to stop him from publishing the document. Jones said, “I'm literally in [Infowars editor] Kit Daniels’ office. While we’re trying to post it, they grab control of the computer and turn it off and fry it right in front of us and then start jumping in -- they are inside our computers right now.”

Jones then claimed that the “globalists” “can't stop us from publishing it” because “Trump already published it, ... we haven't told you yet,” giving a possible pretext for his embarrassingly inaccurate claims earlier in the show.

Thank you Master Yoda! So Alex indeed fail at releasing a memo he thought was the real deal, and I bet the actual memo is going to be a nothing burger. Preferably with a side of treason. But then to move on, Alex Jones invited the guy who claimed he had the memo – Matt Gaetz, on to explain why he failed, and guess what? He’s tired of being called a conspiracy theorist! Cue the world’s tiniest violin!

Rep. Matt Gaetz of Florida appeared on conspiracy theory outlet Infowars to complain that he is being called a conspiracy theorist for pushing the narrative that a secret memo by the chairman of the House Intelligence Committee proves that the Obama administration improperly sought to spy on Donald Trump and his presidential campaign.

Gaetz appeared on “The Alex Jones Show” today to discuss Republican calls to declassify a memo authored by Rep. Devin Nunes that some Republicans are saying proves claims that the Obama administration abused FISA laws to surveil Trump and his associate. The Republican push, which aims to cast doubt over special counsel Robert Mueller’s investigation into possible Russian interference in the 2016 election, has included flooding social media with the hashtag “#ReleaseTheMemo.”

“We’re called conspiracy theorists because we see this cabal right in front of us,” Gaetz said. “We’re able to aggregate these data points and show what was really going on. The reality is we’re just looking at the very messages that the people that were at the center of the Hillary Clinton investigation and the center of Robert Mueller’s investigation were saying to one another.”

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[font size="8"]Donald Trump
[br] [/font]

Anyone remember when we used to have competent leaders in charge? I mean there was a time in the United States where this did happen. Oh man do I miss those times! I mean here’s how incompetent the Trump administration is. This week was Trump’s first state of the union. And they can’t even get the invitations right!

President Trump is famously spelling-challenged, but this one was not his fault.

Mr. Trump is set to deliver his first State of the Union address on Tuesday, and the tickets issued to lawmakers’ spouses and guests contained a glaring typo: “State of the Uniom.” The tickets, printed by the Office of the Sergeant at Arms and Doorkeeper, had to be reissued on Monday.

“It was corrected immediately, and our office is redistributing the tickets,” a spokesman for the sergeant at arms told Agence France-Presse. The office did not immediately respond to a request for comment on Monday evening, and it was not clear how many tickets were affected.

You know what? Can we show those invitations? I mean it’s there in the writing!

That’s real. That is not Photoshopped. I repeat – that is not Photoshopped! At least Trump didn’t have Joy Villa on the red carpet! Remember last year when she wore that “Make America Great Again” dress? Well this year might have topped that, can we show that?

I seriously can’t tell if she is making a bold statement about abortion or auditioning for Bill Donahue’s Drag Race. I don’t know, I’m asking for a friend! But this might be one of the most startling statistics from the whole SOTU shindig last night:

PolitiFact’s website went down briefly during President Trump’s first State of the Union address. The fact-checking website tweeted at 9:49 p.m., about halfway through Trump’s speech, that the website had crashed.

“Welp ... our website just crashed,” PolitiFact tweeted. “Thanks for reading ?!!? We'll keep things up here on Twitter while we see what happened.”

PolitiFact fact-checked the president’s speech, writing that “several of his points were factually flawed.” They rated many of his claims about tax cuts as “mostly false” or “false.”

The organization had fact-checked nearly 500 of Trump’s statements before the State of the Union, rating 21 percent as “mostly false,” 33 percent as “false” and 15 percent as “pants on fire.”

Read more: http://thehill.com/homenews/media/371557-fact-checking-site-crashes-during-trump-state-of-the-union

Yes, Mr. Trump! You actually are wrong! In fact you lie so much that you actually crashed the website that does everything it can to prove that you’re wrong! But there is some good news. You know how much Trump loves him some ratings. “I have the best ratings, OK! They’re yuge!”. Well compared to last year’s SOTU? Guess what!

Donald Trump gave his first State of the Union on Tuesday night, his second formal address since taking office, and the presidential spiel naturally dominated evening ratings — though it seems to be off some from his first go in the House chamber in 2017.

Early returns, based on Nielsen's 56 metered markets, have the hour-plus speech pulling a combined 14.8 overnight rating among households on the broadcast networks. That's between 9 and 10:30 p.m., and only counts for four of the seven major networks bng the speech. Compared to the same stats for the same networks a year ago, that's off roughly 9 percent from his 2017 speech. (Trump's 2017 address pulled a combined 16 overnight rating among metered market households, ultimately earning 48 million viewers with all networks tallied.)

While that may be the best part of all of this, we haven’t even touched on the scariest part yet. He actually called for a real life purge. Yes and this was cheered! I mean even the producers of the actual Purge couldn’t have crafted a scarier scenario, and they’re in on the joke!

Yes that’s the actual poster for “The First Purge” which is scheduled to be out July 4th. But here’s what Trump actually said!

President Donald Trump spent the bulk of his first State of the Union address touting his tax policy and laying out an immigration proposal that would advance many white nationalist organizations’ top priorities.

Buried within the speech, however, was a proposal that would fundamentally rework the balance of power between civil servants and political appointees — and strike a deep blow to the rule of law in the process.

“I call on the Congress to empower every Cabinet Secretary with the authority to reward good workers,” Trump said, “and to remove Federal employees who undermine the public trust or fail the American people.”

On the surface, this proposal may seem benign — who doesn’t want public employees who “fail the American people” to be removed? But laws protecting civil servants against politically motivated firings are one of the foundations of liberal democracy.

Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Yes if you don’t pledge your complete and undying loyalty to Der Trumpenfuror, you could possibly lose your job! I mean if this isn’t a sign that the US has become a fascist dictatorship, I don’t know what is! But here’s the best part. Here’s how he managed to top that:

WASHINGTON — President Trump challenged Democrats on Tuesday night to join him in overhauling immigration policies and in rebuilding the nation’s infrastructure in his first State of the Union address.

Speaking to a joint session of Congress, Mr. Trump hailed what he called the “extraordinary success” of his administration’s first year, and largely steered clear of the nationalist rhetoric, political attacks and confrontational tone that have been his calling cards both as a candidate and as a commander in chief.

“Tonight, I call upon all of us to set aside our differences, to seek out common ground and to summon the unity we need to deliver for the people,” Mr. Trump said to raucous applause from many Republicans, as Democratic leaders who have bitterly criticized his policies and messaging sat stone-faced in their seats.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!! Yeah says the guy who has threatened to jail his opponent and repeatedly calls her a stupid loser on an almost daily basis! I’m sure unity is the last thing you care about! But of course he talks about America First. Does he not know that’s a Nazi slogan?

Trump ran -- and won -- on the idea that he would always put our country first. And boy did he make good on that promise in his State of the Union address. For the first hour of the speech, Trump talked about nothing but domestic policy. Tax cuts. The economy. Trade. Regulatory reform. Immigration. Nary a mention of America's place in the world until after 10 pm on the east coast.

The signal was clear: Trump is not just using "America First" as a piece of rhetoric; he's heavily focused on making it a policy reality as well.

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[font size="8"]Donald Trump
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So Trump went to Switzerland this week, and got booed in front of a crowd of the world’s elite. You might be wondering how we got to this point. So now we got the madness of the SOTU out of the way, you know Donald Trump has severely hurt America’s standing in the world, right? I mean come on, the Doomsday Clock has literally moved to 2 Minutes To Midnight. I guess Iron Maiden can celebrate now, right?

On Wednesday, The Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists announced they have moved the Doomsday Clock forward so it now rests 2 minutes before midnight.

The Doomsday Clock is a symbol which represents the likelihood of a human-made global catastrophe. Ever since 1998, when India and Pakistan started testing nuclear weapons, the Doomsday Clock has been just single digits away from midnight.

But after the disaster that was 2017, when world leaders failed to respond effectively to looming threats of nuclear war and climate change, scientists have moved the minute hand forward by 30 seconds.

So that being said, Trump has had a lot on his hands this week, and I’m not talking about his 2 Big Mac diet. But it might be bucket week this week. I don’t know, I am just guessing. I mean when you have friends like these, who needs enemies?

Following the passage of the GOP tax reform bill, a number of corporations have announced bonuses and wage increases for its employees, citing the tax cuts as the main reason. One company that handed out one-time bonuses was Home Depot. And the co-founder had some strong words for Democrats who have criticized these bonuses as “crumbs” and dismissed them as PR moves.

Appearing on Fox News Saturday, Bernie Marcus took aim at Democratic leaders, telling host Neil Cavuto that derisive comments about the bonuses will come back to haunt Democrats as it paints them as elitist. “These are things that the [Nancy] Pelosi and [Chuck] Schumer group don’t have a clue about. It’s why they lost the election, it’s as simple as that,” Marcus said. “[Hillary] Clinton never knew about the real people out there. That’s why they lost the election, and that’s why they’re going to lose the next election for the same reason.”

Towards the end of the interview, Marcus then straight up sad Democrats were brainless:

“You’ve got to use your brains! Democrats, use your stupid brains. You don’t have any brains!”

Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! OK Marcus, let's think about this one for a minute. Your party controls all 3 branches of government and yet you can't get anything done. Maybe it is you who are the stupid ones? I mean come on liberals get blamed for everything! We even get blamed for people stupid enough to eat laundry detergent!

“I know what you’re thinking: The Tide Pod challenge couldn’t possibly be political, could it? Actually, yes it is,” Lahren said. “It’s just the latest symptom of a larger problem: The breakdown of the American family. It’s what happens when kids aren’t taught boundaries, respect, consequences or logic.”

Lahren said that parents have been taught to have a hands-off approach to raising children and that has made children “wild animals that think they can do whatever the heck they want.”

Lahren said America can thank liberals for teaching children that eating laundry soap is funny.

“The left, which dictates popular culture, brainwashes young people into believing they live in a world where 64 gender options are up for selection, everything is free, Beyoncé is a God queen, and eating detergent is funny.”

Yes, Tomi, you suck. I mean that’s the kind of thing fans of this wretched administration have done since they control all 3 branches of government! And since they do control all 3 branches of government you would think they would get something done, rather than blame the other side.

WASHINGTON — It’s almost fitting that, on the final day of President Trump’s first year in office, Washington is facing the real possibility of a partial government shutdown — especially given all of the stunning news events and chaos since Jan. 20, 2017. The “American Carnage” inaugural address. “Alternative facts.” The Comey firing. The Mueller probe. Neil Gorsuch’s confirmation. The legislative defeat on health care. The legislative victory on taxes. Charlottesville. The Alabama Senate race. “Shithole.” And now a likely shutdown.

But our new NBC/WSJ poll is a reminder that Trump’s first year in office didn’t have to be this way. Back in our Dec. 2016 poll, respondents were asked which word best described how they felt about the results of the election, and the top answers (allowing for multiple responses) were “hopeful” (32 percent), “disgusted” (25 percent), “scared” (23 percent), “excited” (12 percent) and “relieved” (11 percent).

But when we asked the same question about how Americans feel about Trump’s first year as president in our latest poll out this morning, here were the top responses: “disgusted” (38 percent), “scared” (24 percent), “hopeful” (23 percent), “proud” (12 percent) and “angry” (11 percent).

Yes because we still have to look at your ugly mug! But now that you know how we got here, picture what happened when Trump took that miraculous trip to Davos over the weekend when he was mingling with those icky globalist elite pedophiles!

DAVOS, Switzerland — No one was declaring President Trump a changed man. Privately, executives and global leaders who had gathered in Davos continued to worry that the American president could yet indulge his worst instincts — and his penchant for shock on Twitter — to deliver a geopolitical crisis, open up a new front in trade hostilities or offend a vast group of people.

But a rough consensus emerged over Mr. Trump’s two-day visit that his administration had shown itself to be more pragmatic than advertised. Many were inclined to view the president’s most extreme positions as just aggressive bargaining postures.

“There’s a very constructive mind-set in the Trump administration to find the best path forward,” said Vas Narasimhan, global chief of drug development for Novartis, who attended a dinner Mr. Trump hosted on Thursday night with leaders of more than a dozen European companies. “I’m optimistic that, with other world leaders, most of these issues can be tackled in a productive way for the global economy and for global businesses.

Ooh that one is perfect! So I mean he wanted to go to Davos thinking he was doing some good only to realize that the world hates his guts. And I mean would you be surprised? I know I am not! And if you are surprised, you don’t know Donald J. Trump!

The takeaway from President Trump’s visit to the World Economic Forum, in Davos, is that it didn’t go as badly as it might have. The President stuck to the written text. His hosts were gracious. Or, according to a less generous take, Trump went to a party to which he had always dreamed of being invited and the big boys, impressed by his stature, played nice. The general consensus betrays our low expectations: the best that can be expected of the President is an empty speech and a semblance of dignity in response to softball questions.

American media often refer to Davos as the ultimate gathering of “globalists,” a term that long ago lost any specific meaning. It might be more accurate to describe the World Economic Forum as a get-together where people who manage vast sums of money or otherwise wield outsize influence try to get a grasp on the political, social, and economic world in which they are living. The conversation occurs on three temporal levels: the present, the immediate future, and the distant future.

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[font size="8"]Holy Shit
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Gather around, gather around my fair brothers and sisters! It’s time to take a seat in the pew and pass the collection plate. For the Holy Church Of The Top 10 has convened and it’s time for our weekly sermon to find out why the most devoted of us are also completely full of:

Yes it’s our weekly duty to tell you why the most devoted followers of JAYSUS are also the most batshit fucking crazy. Can I get an amen???? And by the way let’s give it up for the Top 10 Gospel Choir, how great are they? So apparently remember back when Trump threw a CNN reporter out of the White House? He was casting out demons! Yes DAEMONS!!!!!!!! WALK AMONG US!!!!

Yesterday, right-wing preacher Lance Wallnau sat down for an interview with Ben Bergquam of Frontline America, during which he asserted that when President Trump ordered CNN’s Jim Acosta out of the Oval Office last week, he was exercising his spiritual authority to cast out demons.

Wallnau said that during the 2016 presidential election, he noticed that the campaign rallies of candidates like Marco Rubio and Ted Cruz were not being disrupted by protesters because “the devil wasn’t manifesting at those meetings.” By contrast, he said, “people that were working together at a level of evil” were routinely disrupting Trump rallies in an effort to intimidate his supporters.

Trump refused to back down to such bullying tactics, Wallnau said, “because there is a deliverance anointing on him for America.”

“What do you do when demons are manifesting?” he said. “You cast them out. He just cast out Jim Acosta last week. It was hilarious. He points at him and goes, ‘Out!’ One word—’Out!’—and security escorts the journalist out. It’s a deliverance anointing. He has got a Samson’s prophet anointing to deal with the Philistines. Any threat to God’s purpose for America and Israel, this guy will go and unhinge the gates because he has got a Samson-like anointing.”

Well this week, the holiest among us are completely full of holy shit when it comes to Donald Trump and porno star Stormy Daniels, for he has committed one of the most egregious of sins! But they’re like “he’s cool” with it.

Washington (CNN)Tony Perkins, the president of the conservative Family Research Council, contended Tuesday that the evangelical community has given President Donald Trump a "mulligan" when it comes to his personal behavior.
"Yes, evangelicals, conservatives, they gave him a mulligan. They let him have a do-over. They said we'll start afresh with you and we'll give you a second chance." Perkins said in a interview on CNN's "Erin Burnett OutFront."
Perkins' remarks come after a Wall Street Journal report that Trump's lawyer, Michael Cohen, formed a private LLC to pay a former porn star in exchange for not speaking publicly about an alleged sexual encounter with the then-candidate.

No we’re actually booing you. You lose! You get nothing! Because LYING IS A SIN!!!! AND SINS MUST BE PUNISHED BY THE LORD OUR GOD!!!!! For after all he is the creator of everything that is good and holy, can I get an amen??? But Brother Tony definitely wasn’t the only one suggesting this as Brother Jerry also defended this horrid comment!

The editor in chief of Christianity Today had some harsh words for Jerry Falwell Jr., who hit the cable news shows to defend Donald Trump after it was revealed the president allegedly carried on a year-long affair with an adult movie star.

In an editorial, in which Mark Galli admitted he was hesitant to “enter the political fray,” the editor claimed that “when fellow evangelicals start exegeting [expounding] and applying Scripture in the public square, we think we have something to add to the conversation.”

Noting that Falwell stated, “All these things [Trump’s affairs] were years ago, and he has apologized,” Galli called out the evangelist for getting his facts wrong in an effort to provide cover for Trump.

“In fact, the payoff for one of the alleged affairs was offered a mere 14 months ago; meanwhile, Trump has never apologized for his affairs, only for his lewd remarks in one video,” Galli wrote. “He’s never asked forgiveness as far as I can tell. But even if we charitably assume he has privately apologized to these women and to his wife, Falwell’s exegetical justification for Trump’s adulteries is startling.”

Thank you Gospel Choir! Can someone in our fine congregation please tell me why these people are so batshit fucking crazy? Not quite that crazy, sir! By the way if there’s no band starting tomorrow called “Twisted Scripture”, I will have lost all faith in the internet! I mean these are the people who took down Bill Clinton for an alleged affair. Trump has an actual one and they’re like “he’s cool”. And not only did Brother Tony back his statement, he doubled down!

Tony Perkins, president of the anti-LGBTQ group Family Research Center, said that evangelical faith leaders are willing to overlook President Trump’s alleged affair with adult film actress Stormy Daniels as long as Trump continues to fulfill promises he made to them and remains “the most pro-life, pro-family president.”

In the final minutes of yesterday’s “Washington Watch” show, Perkins commented an appearance he made on CNN Tuesday evening. He encouraged viewers to watch the segment and went on to explain his recent comments that evangelicals had given Trump a “mulligan” regarding hush money he paid to cover up an alleged affair he had with Daniels.

“A lot of the media has picked up a statement I made that the president—that evangelicals have given the president a mulligan. Not on this issue. Adultery is a serious issue, no matter who does it or where it’s done. My point is, all of these things that we were concerned about with the president we were aware of before the election,” Perkins said. “Most of us were not supporting him until it came down to a choice between him and Hillary Clinton.”

Now you know Brother Tony – lying is a sin!!!!! And sins must be punished in the name of all that is good and holy!!!! Because the LORD OUR GOD doesn’t want that!! God wants you to live a pure life clean of the sin of lying and all other sins!!! Can I get an amen??? And on that day he rested! But that still doesn’t excuse this behavior, or does it?

Over the weekend, right-wing preacher Lance Wallnau streamed a video on Periscope in which he likened President Trump to Samson and conservative Christians to those who marched for civil rights with Martin Luther King Jr.

“Donald Trump is the rough prophet from the secular caves that came out in order to say, ‘To hell with public opinion and the media, I am going to do what I know is right and I’m going to say what I know is true,'” Wallnau said. “Meanwhile, we have our dimwitted, rank-and-file leadership in the church that is constantly embarrassed over something he did. Well, guess what? If I was Newsweek or if I was National Esquire [sic], I would probably do a whole bunch of articles on Samson and his torrid history with Philistine babes—still doesn’t mean he ain’t anointed and he’ll take out those Philistines.”

Wallnau insisted that “Trump is actually doing a brilliant job at everything he is doing” and that it is up to conservative Christians to publicly and boldly rally behind him.

“Listen, Martin Luther King did not make progress for the African-American community by revival meetings in his church,” he said. “He actually made progress by a bus boycott and he had to take his prophetic message out to the streets where it elicited the violent opposition of people who were demonized in their prejudice.”

Yes and now even Brother Lance has shot himself in thine foot! Because he too is a victim of the sin of lying! And hypocrisy – both sins in the eyes of the Lord JAYSUS, creator of all that is good and holy! But If you dare digress… and you DARE to question your almighty, you are sinners who must be punished! It is not the original sinner who must be punished, it is you!!! So kiss your ass goodbye as you will go to the Bad Place!!!

Pro-Trump pastor Robert Jeffress said that he believed that evangelical faith leaders who publicly criticize President Trump do so because they are bitter that they incorrectly predicted the results of the 2016 election and because they don’t truly adhere to the evangelical Christian worldview.
Fred Jackson, sitting in as guest host during this morning’s episode of “Sandy Rios in the Morning,” told Jeffress that evangelical faith leaders who “beat the drum against this president” puzzle him, citing Franklin Graham’s proclamation that Trump has done more for Christians than another recent president. In response, Jeffress told Jackson that he believed there are two forces at play among those evangelicals: They are embarrassed that they predicted Trump would lose and they don’t truly adhere to the evangelical worldview.
“I think there’s several different agendas at work here. I think some of it is just wounded pride. They know they were wrong and they just have a hard time admitting it. But I think there’s something else that may be going on, Fred,” Jeffress said.
He explained, “I think there’s just been a disconnect, a continued disconnect, between what I call the evangelical elites and the average person in the pew.”

Yes, JAYSUS did not have to suffer for the evangelical elites! That’s the apparent takeaway you will get for this sermon! Mass has ended, may you go in peace! That’s it this week for:

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[font size="8"]White Male Groper’s Club
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In case you’re wondering why we haven’t been covering a lot of the stories of sexual harassment and abuse out there, is because they’re way too horrifying to make fun of, and making fun of stories like what happened with those religious shitbags in Perris, California who tortured their kids would be beneath us. You can’t make fun of that. Same with that doctor from Michigan State University, and what he did. You can’t make fun of that either. So we won’t try. But we do have to bring abuse from celebrities to light. And last week a lot of them did come to light. Like Jeremy Piven. Would you be surprised that a guy who is famous for abusing his assistant abused his assistants in real life? Neither are we!

Three more women have stepped forward with allegations of sexual misconduct against actor Jeremy Piven. BuzzFeed has published their accounts, one of which dates back to 1980s, which are already being denied by Piven and his lawyer.

Susan McCain Olson was still in high school when she got a summer job working on the set of David Seltzer’s film in Glen Ellyn. She describes the production’s environment and stars—including Corey Haim, Winona Ryder, Charlie Sheen, and Piven—as “casual” and congenial. But McCain Olson tells BuzzFeed that there was one day on set where Piven “followed her into the trailer, pinned her down on the sofa, climbed on top of her, and started to kiss her.” And she feared that, “‘This is it, this is where I’m going to get raped.” But she eventually succeed in pushing him away. The then-teen told multiple friends about the altercation with Piven; BuzzFeed spoke with a few of them, who confirmed that McCain Olson had confided in them.

Somehow now Ari’s treatment of Lloyd suddenly isn’t as funny as it was 10 years ago. Lloyd!!!! But then as if that weren’t enough, there’s James Franco.

James Franco has been erased from the cover of Vanity Fair's annual issue celebrating Hollywood and the Academy Awards.
"We made a decision not to include James Franco on the Hollywood cover once we learned of the misconduct allegations against him," the publication said in a statement released to CNN Friday.
The magazine debuted its new cover Thursday, with the headline "The 2018 Vanity Fair Hollywood Portfolio: 12 Extraordinary Stars, One Momentous Year."
According to The Hollywood Reporter, which first reported the change, Franco was digitally removed from the cover after sitting for famed photographer, Annie Leibovitz.
Those featured are usually photographed in small groups and then digitally combined into one image. As a result, dropping Franco did not necessitate a reshoot.
The actor has denied allegations by five women who told the Los Angeles Times earlier this month they experienced inappropriate and sometimes sexually exploitative behavior by Franco.

Yeah holy shit! So in case you’re wondering where I’m going with this, I give you Steve Wynn. Yes – the same billionaire casino mogul who’s very good friends with Trump. And he also has the same taste in interior decorating!

Stephen Wynn’s perch at the top of the casino industry was badly shaken on Friday following the disclosure of allegations that he engaged in a long pattern of sexual misconduct with employees of his casinos.

A detailed investigative report in The Wall Street Journal portrayed Mr. Wynn, a billionaire casino magnate and prominent political donor, as a man who frequently demanded naked massages from female employees, sometimes pressuring them for sex and to masturbate him. The newspaper said that the activity had gone on for decades and that some female employees had complained to supervisors about Mr. Wynn’s behavior.

Some of the women told The Journal that they had tried to avoid having to give Mr. Wynn massages by hiding in bathrooms, or entering fake appointments in record logs to make it look as if some of their colleagues were busy. The newspaper relied on court records and interviews with dozens of people who worked at his casinos.

Yeah holy shit indeed! I mean this is insane. I wouldn’t want to give Steve a massage either so I totally get where they’re coming from! But then the fallout from this as you would expect is massive. Wrong kind of massive sir! Seriously? One guy in the audience trying to make a “that’s what she said” joke?

Las Vegas casino mogul Steve Wynn on Saturday stepped down as Republican National Committee finance chairman, according to three senior Republicans briefed on the decision.

The decision followed a Friday report in the Wall Street Journal alleging that Wynn engaged in sexual harassment.

Wynn, 76, was President Donald Trump's handpicked choice for the finance position. It has not yet been determined who will replace him.

"Today I accepted Steve Wynn’s resignation as Republican National Committee finance chair," said RNC chair Ronna Romney McDaniel, who spoke about the Wynn situation with the president on Saturday morning, according to a person with knowledge of the conversation. Trump returned from the World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland, on Friday evening.

And you know Trump, they always say you can judge a guy by the company they keep. Well look at Trump and the company he keeps – Rupert Murdoch and now Steve Wynn. But some good news from this – well…

Shares of Wynn Resorts Ltd. WYNN, -7.06% slid another 3.5% in premarket trade Monday, as investors continued to digest a Wall Street Journal report from Friday alleging yearslong sexual misconduct by Chief Executive Steve Wynn. The move sent Wynn shares down about 10% Friday and shaved about $2 billion off Wynn Resorts market capitalization. Wynn, who stepped down from his rolse finance chairman for the Republican National Convention over the weekend, denied the allegations, telling the paper: "The idea that I ever assaulted any woman is preposterous." "We think the news reports alleging sexual harassment by Steve Wynn creates a sizable overhang in the shares and see value that compensates investors for risk related to these allegations at the ~$150 level, versus the ~$180 level it last traded on Friday," J.P. Morgan analysts wrote in a note. Analysts noted that the gaming industry is highly regulated and licenses include character clauses. Nevada and Massachusetts gaming commissions have already launched reviews. "A scenario where WYNN doesn't have Steve as a CEO is not good for the company," said the note. "We have always held the belief that WYNN possesses the single largest individual CEO dependency versus any of the other 30 gaming and lodging companies our coverage universe (well, maybe LVS with CEO Sheldon Adelson is tie with WYNN)." Shares have gained 75% in the last 12 months, while the S&P 500 SPX, -0.41% has gained 25%.

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[font size="8"] The XFL
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So we’re just a few weeks away from the second Super Bowl of the Trump era. And you know that the WWE’s Vince McMahon’s wife Linda McMahon is in the Trump administration. You know here’s the thing Trump fans – you might think we’re losing our minds over something like this. But the truth of the matter is that we’re laughing *AT* you, not with you. Because you're stupid enough to believe that the WWE's Vince McMahon is looking out for America's best interests and that he cares about you. In reality, he just cares about making money. So Vince McMahon thinks he’s going to start his own version of the NFL, called the XFL. And he’s going to appeal to Fox News fans and Trump voters. Let’s explain more:

WWE founder and chairman Vince McMahon announced Thursday he is giving a professional football league another go.

It will be called the XFL, the same name of the league McMahon and NBC tried for one season in 2001, but it won't rely on flashy cheerleaders and antics as its predecessor did, he said.

McMahon said he is the sole funding source for the league, which is slated to begin in January 2020. Its first season will have eight teams around the country playing a 10-week schedule. The initial outlay of money is expected to be around $100 million, the same amount of WWE stock McMahon sold last month and funneled into Alpha Entertainment, the company he founded for the project.

"I wanted to do this since the day we stopped the other one," McMahon told ESPN in an exclusive interview. "A chance to do it with no partners, strictly funded by me, which would allow me to look in the mirror and say, 'You were the one who screwed this up,' or 'You made this thing a success.'"

Yet another eerily accurate prediction by the Simpsons! I mean come on! Yeah before we explore the XFL further – let’s first take into account that Vince McMahon got tackled by the guy who currently calls himself the president! Hey, where’s my drink at? So now let’s do a deep dive on the XFL.

As if 2017 was not crazy enough, 2018 has fired its opening salvo as the return of the XFL, a controversial football league originally founded by Vince McMahon in 1999, was officially announced on Thursday.

CBS Sports first reported the nature of the announcement earlier in the day and that the league is not planning to start up again until 2020. McMahon, who rushed the original XFL into existence without so much as a full slate of offseason practices to prepare for the league's inaugural year, said he learned his lesson from one of the XFL's biggest initial mistakes.

"The new XFL is an exciting opportunity to reimagine America's favorite sport," said McMahon in a statement. "As we move towards kickoff, we look forward to listening and implementing innovative ideas from players, coaches, medical experts, technology executives, the media and most importantly football fans."

There had been unsubstantiated talk about the XFL making a return late in 2017, but Brad Shepard first reported in mid-December that McMahon, WWE's chairman, was planning to make such an announcement on Jan. 25.

OK so we’ve already established that the XFL will be run by Vince McMahon and it will be “gimmick free”. I suppose that’s a jab at the National Football League? So what else could you do that would entice people to switch from their favorite branded NFL team to your relatively unknown XFL team?

WWE chairman Vince McMahon has announced a planned relaunch of the previously defunct XFL, and it is being met with some pretty mixed reactions on Twitter.

To start, there are many people who are excited about the news. "I can’t wait to rock my Chicago Enforcers jersey to a game again," one XFL fan wrote.

"Vince McMahon plans to relaunch the #XFL in 2020. He said he wants to bring the game of football back to the fans. If he does this the right way, the NFL will go out of business. And I will be the first to cheer their downfall," said another enthusiastic fan.

However, there are many who are decidedly not thrilled about it, and still others who think it is just laughable.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha…. We all know what a failure the first XFL was! And really? I mean really? They’re starting their own league because of that whole taking a knee controversy bullshit? Talk about snowflakes! I mean where’s Bender when you need him?

Television ratings for the N.F.L. have fallen 17 percent over the past two seasons. The league is embroiled in a continuing crisis over concussions, and youth participation rates are falling.

All of this suggests a difficult future for the sport, yet the N.F.L.’s most notorious competitor, Vince McMahon’s X.F.L., has a comeback in the works.

McMahon, the chairman and chief executive of World Wrestling Entertainment, announced on Thursday that he would take a second crack at professional football, with play scheduled to start in early 2020.

McMahon first tried to reimagine pro football 17 years ago. The old X.F.L. was a joint venture between the World Wrestling Federation (W.W.E.’s former name) and NBC, which had lost rights to broadcast N.F.L. games.

But there’s several people who have already thrown their hat into the ring! Including a former Cleveland Browns favorite:

But according to the rules of the Snowflake League, or XFL, he can’t play!

Former Heisman Trophy winner and NFL quarterback Johnny Manziel is not eligible to play in Vince McMahon's XFL in Jan. 2020, according to ESPN's Darren Rovell.

Under McMahon's rules for the league, any player with a criminal record is precluded from the league.

"We are evaluating a player based on many things, including the quality of human being they are," McMahon told ESPN. "If you have any sort of criminal record or commit a crime you aren't playing in this league."

On a conference call, McMahon answered a question from SI's Jimmy Traina on whether invites would be extended to Manziel, Tim Tebow and Colin Kaepernick. McMahon said that no one with a criminal record such as a DUI would be allowed to play.

"You want someone who does not have any criminality associated whatsoever with them. Even if you have a DUI you will not play in the XFL," McMahon said. "So that will probably eliminate some of them. Not all of them. If Tim Tebow wants to play, he can very well play."

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[font size="8"]I Need A Drink
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It’s time for another edition of:


And man do I need a drink this week! This edition got particularly dark. So let’s end on a drunken note shall we? I mean all I want to do is watch Anti Flag! So tell me bartender, what goes well with free speech? America The Beer? Ah fuck it, I’ll have my usual Jack Daniels mixed with Jack Daniels. So you know what free speech is – it’s that thing your racist uncle uses when he gets into an argument with you, and you don’t like his talking points. But there is one place in New York City where free speech doesn’t apply. Let’s explain more.

Owner Trigger Smith made headlines this week after he hung a sign on the door of his East Village dive bar, Continental, threatening to ban anyone who uses the word literally. To recap, the sign reads, in part, “if you say the word ‘literally’ inside Continental you have 5 minutes to finish your drink and then you must leave … If you actually start a sentence with ‘I literally’ you must leave immediately!!!” Now, online critics have taken note — and they aren’t happy!

Almost immediately, the sign and alleged policy were criticized as sexist, but Trigger argues that literally’s misusers extend to both genders and span the English-speaking globe. Also, he seems mostly pleased by the kerfuffle he’s caused; by now, major media all over the world have covered it. (“This thing is going global!” he wrote in a letter to Grub yesterday, calling the situation “too funny.”) Trigger also said that he doesn’t plan to boot violators for real; he’s making fun of slang that he dislikes, and his patrons “get it.” Of course, that defense just enlarged the target on Continental’s back.

Yeah I need some of that! Mmmm… I do love some good Jack Daniels. So let’s stop there for a minute. I mean look, even the owner’s name is “Trigger Smith”. And you know how the alt right loves to “trigger” liberals? Whatever that means. Let’s explore this a bit further.

What is the whole idea of going to a bar? Paying for a drink, chatting with buddies, having a good time? Yeah, I literally do all of that. Except, if you were drinking at this particular joint in the East Village in New York City, you 'literally' won't be allowed to say that you 'literally' came to have fun.

This hip bar has laid out a few ground rules which are a God sent for people who literally hate the overexposure that the term 'literally' enjoys.

So the policy is pretty straight and in-your-face. You get five minutes to finish your drink after you have used the 'you know which' word and if you start your sentence with 'I Literally' then given their cat ears and sharp listening skills, the good fellas will ask you to take your literal self someplace else. Seems like 'literally' is the Voldemort of words for them. Nonetheless, this is hilarious.

I seriously wonder now how many people are going to go to this bar now just to see how long they last before the word literally is used? Sports casters wouldn’t even last long enough to order their first drink. “He literally ripped his head off with that play!!!” He did? Do you see a severed head anywhere? Let’s throw that tweet up there!

I’m with you. I literally can’t believe it either! Oops! Does this mean that I’ll get kicked out of the Continental now? Hey what are you doing??? Get away from me!!!

OK sorry about that – we’re back! OK I need a few more drinks here. So we have a bar in New York City that has banned the use of the word literally and literally attracted overnight attention. Well, Trigger, the owner of the bar, is certainly living up to his name by laughing off the claims that the ban is sexist:

Trigger calls the claim that they’re being sexist “even funnier than the sign,” and also adds: “Anybody who knows me knows I’m a feminist who supports women’s rights and is 100 percent behind this whole ‘Me Too’ thing. I guess people will find an issue in anything.”

A backlash seems unlikely, since Continental is set to close in a few months anyway, and its reputation precedes it — older New Yorkers will have fond memories of its Iggy Pop and Joey Ramone punk days, while the younger, NYU-heavy crowd will have vaguer memories of the bar’s infamous shot deal: five shots “of anything” for $10 (it costs $12 now because of, you know, inflation).

More recently, the bar became notorious for banning “saggy jeans,” a policy that Trigger has defended by saying: “If you have a problem with that, open up your own bar with no dress code or door policy and see how long it lasts. That crowd will alienate and scare away your mainstream crowd until that’s all you have left.”

So an attack on literally seems pretty mellow, comparatively. Just to give things some context, Trigger adds that he’s also got a sign hanging on the bar’s mirror inside that reads, “The customer is always wrong.”

Wait… the customer is always wrong? I literally thought the customer was always right! Ah see what I did there? I wonder what Mr. Trigger thinks about the correct usage of the word? Hmmm… not so funny now is it? See, Trigger is the part of a group of grammar specialists who are also part of a larger, let’s call them a national socialist grammar correctors. They’re members of the National Association of Zero Intolerance. OK yeah lets just call them Grammar Nazis.

A grammatically conscious New York bar says it will ban customers who incorrectly use the word "literally" in conversation.

Continental bar in Manhattan's East Village has put up a sign in its window warning patrons who drop the dreaded "L" word that they will be ushered from the premises.

The tongue-in-cheek notice says that anyone caught using the banned word will be given five minutes to finish their drink and leave.

The bar's owner, Trigger Smith, said he had grown tired of overhearing conversations peppered with "literally" and the disturbing rise of "Valley-speak".

"I had a woman from Miami the other night tell me it's happening down there," he told Grub Street. "And it's not just millennials. Now you hear newscasters using 'literally' every three minutes on the Sunday news shows.

"What's annoying is people aren't even aware they're saying it. How could you be so unaware of your words that it's coming out every couple of minutes?"

[div style="padding: 20px; background-color: #ffffff; border-radius: 10px; box-shadow: 0px 2px 4px 1px #aaa;"][div style="font-family: arial, helvetica; font-weight: bold; border-bottom: 1px dotted #999; padding-bottom: 8px;"]
[font size="8"]World Tour Shithole Edition Destination #2: Ghana
[br] [/font]

Part of our mission statement here at the Top 10 Conservative Idiots is to show you that conservative idiocy isn’t just a problem with America. No, it’s a global problem that is stemming far and wide, and it’s not just America where conservative idiots ruin everything they touch. And if you’re thinking of moving out of the United States just because Donald J. Trump is our current president and our nation is turning to shit, you should know what it is you’re getting into should you decide that you want to leave the country. Well now things suddenly got interesting! So our world tour got hijacked by Donald Trump, and we’re off on a quest to find if any of the places Trump is suggesting are shitholes are actually shitholes. So here’s the World Tour 2018 Shithole Edition:

[font size="6"]Ghana[/font]

So we’re back in Africa everybody! Yes, our quest to find the perfect liberal utopia has now been hijacked as we’re trying to find Trump’s perfect shithole. And I’m of course not counting his own big fat mouth. Hey o! So Ghana is a West African country. Its’ neighbors are the African nations of Togo, Ivory Coast, and Burkina Faso. The capital of Ghana is the city of Accra. So what is there to do in Accra? It’s one of the safer destinations in Africa that you could possibly visit. We actually had to do a bit of research in this edition. Accra was at one point the key port for the African slave trade and you can see this acclimated in their many museums, palaces, and historical monuments. Accra also has a very lively cultural center and is considered to be one of the best in Africa. It is also one of the smaller countries in Africa compared to some of its’ neighbors. And its’ one of the few countries in that part of Africa that has a stable democracy. Unlike ours which is an unstable democracy! So is Ghana really a shithole or not? Let’s find out.

Founder and General Overseer of God’s Crown Chapel, Prophet Reindolph Oduro has disclosed Ghana could swear in a new vice president ‘if God does not intervene.’

According to Reindolph Oduro, the incumbent Vice President, Alhaji Mahamudu Bawumia is down with stroke and only divine intervention can heal him.

He adds, Dr. Bawumia is battling a sever stroke and that President Akufo-Addo is likely to appoint a new person as his vice.

‘If God do not intervene, vice President Mahamudu Bawumia’s position will be given to a different person” Eagle Prophet said while speaking on Abusua FM’s Drive Time show host, Ike De Unpredictable.

He added ‘it was just last Monday when I was praying that God revealed to me the vice President has been struck down by stroke.’

Yeah OK we’re not falling for that one! So Ghana’s religious fundamentalists are really no different from ours. Maybe the problem could be religion? But tell me audience – what’s the over / under on how much it would take to fix Ghana? Anyone? One million dollars? Really, sir? Get off my phone! OK I’m hearing one billion… five billion? 20?

Chief Executive Officer of the Ghana Trade Fair Company, Dr Agnes Adu, said the Centre needs about $1billion in order to give it the required facelift to meet international status.

She said, “Obviously, that can’t come from one pocket and so the model that we’ve adopted that it will come from multiple developers and multi-angles is really the way to go.”

Dr Agnes Adu in exclusive interview: “In the past, what I think the previous administrations have failed to pull this project off is in the past they put their entire project under one umbrella say you go source for the money and then bring it to build the facility; that is impractical no one company can raise that caliber of money.”

She said, “So we are trying not to repeat those type of models we’ve proven doesn’t work.”

But you know how Ghana isn’t a shithole like Trump claims? They are smarter than the US when it comes with how to detain prisoners:

The US government says it has no interest whatsoever in what Ghana does with the two ex-Guantanamo detainees currently in the country.

US Ambassador to Ghana, Robert Jackson, said Umar Bin Atef and Khalid Al-Dhuby, ceased to be the responsibilities of the US government effective January 6, 2018, when the original deal for their two-year stay ended.

Ghana’s Foreign Minister, Shirley Ayorkor Botchwey, last week announced that the two detainees were granted refugees status by the Mahama administration, a situation that makes it difficult for Ghana to send them away without their input.

Speaking to journalists in Tamale, Mr. Jackson said the decision by the previous Mahama administration to grant the two refugee status, came to him as a surprise.

[font size="6"]The Verdict & Scorecard[/font]

So is Ghana a shithole? Yes and no. They have an influx of Christian fundamentalists, so I’d caution moving there, but definitely feel free to visit there and go on a safari!

Tourism: B+
Culture: A
Political Spectrum: D-
Liberal Appeal: C-

Overall: C

[font size="6"]Next Week[/font]

Continuing our nonsense tour schedule to find Trump’s perfect shithole (not counting his mouth), we’re going to the Central American nation of El Salvador!

[font size="8"]And Now This:[/font]
[font size="8”]Anti Flag[/font]

Ladies and gentlemen, I am super excited to have my next guest on the show. I actually saw these guys perform this last week. Go see them, they put on a great show. Their latest album is called “American Fall”. Playing their song called “American Attraction”, give it up for Anti Flag!

Yeah how about that?

See you next week!


Host: Initech
Top 10 Conservative Idiots Recorded In Front Of Live Audience At: Ontario Improv, Ontario, CA
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