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Wed Jan 10, 2018, 06:01 PM

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #4-1: Crazy Equals Stable Genius Edition (Edition #99!)

Last edited Wed Jan 10, 2018, 08:20 PM - Edit history (2)

Top 10 Conservative Idiots #4-1: Crazy Equals Stable Genius Edition (Edition #99!)

Welcome back to the Top 10 Conservative Idiots! Welcome welcome welcome! Before we begin, I would like for everyone to rise so we may sing our national anthem:

So… that happened! Yeah Mr. I’m So Patriotic doesn’t even know the words! How is that possible? Well, back to the show! It is a new year and we are starting off fresh! Man it feels good to back! So how’s everyone doing? You ready to have some fun at the expense of our elected officials? I hope so! Because that’s why you’re here am I right? Thank you sir! Yeah one guy in the audience going “wooo!!!!”. But you know people, with all the new year celebrating going on, can we all agree that you shouldn’t be like Buffalo Bills fans? Yes there was some absolute insanity going on in Jacksonville. And keep in mind that this is Florida we’re talking about here – so maybe Florida Man’s cousin lives in Buffalo? Yeah. You know this week was the Bills first playoff game in 17 years and they lost by a pretty slim margin to the Jacksonville Jaguars. But the Bills on the other hand, did not take the loss very well. But you know given the extreme weather we’ve been having, maybe this was the breath of fresh air the Bills fans needed. Ah, who am I kidding? Just because you’re in Florida doesn’t mean you have to act like Florida Man! Can we show that video?

And we decided to get in the fun of our own and jumped off my producer’s truck on an old table I brought from home. So the question must be asked – does Florida Man live in Florida or does Florida Man act like it when visiting Florida? There’s just something about that state that brings out the crazy in people and we don’t know what! Ah enough of the intro, we got a lot of idiocy to cover this week, but first we have Stephen Colbert explaining why he’d be the perfect choice for Trump’s insane “Fakey Awards”:

Ed. Note: BTW, I am *NOT* going to cover the Logan Paul story. We got a lot of requests for it, but no. Seriously - fuck that story and everyone in it. So no dice.

So where do we start 2018 off? I know! We’re going to be breaking down the juiciest bits of the new Trump tell all by reporter Michael Wolff, and it is about as insane as you would expect. In the second slot, all the eyes were going to be on Donald Trump (2) and his insane “Fake News Awards” but considering the ceremony has been postponed for a week, that gives us plenty of time to get considered! At number 3 is also Donald Trump (3). So over the weekend, in response to “Fire & Fury”, Trump had to remind us all that he’s a “stable genius”. So we’re going to take a trip to the School For Stable Geniuses, which is conveniently located in Trump’s head. In the number 4 slot is Trump advisor and part time Hannibal Lecter impersonator Stephen Miller (4). So he had that big interview with CNN’s (FAKE NEWS!!!) Jake Tapper, and well, it was a category 5 shit storm. Taking the number 5 slot we’re going to do a bit of creative speculation. So it’s rumored that Oprah Winfrey has tossed her hat into the 2020 bid to unseat Trump. Yeah… WTF indeed! In the number 6 slot we’ve got a brand new installment of “People Who Somehow Got Elected”. We haven’t done one of these in a while, but this week’s person who somehow got elected is another representative from my home state of California and that’s Devin Nunes (6). Taking the 7th slot is our weekly due diligence on all things holy – “Holy Shit”, and we’re going to show you what the religious right has been up to during our absence in the last couple of weeks. Nothing short of CRAZY! At number 8 is our good friend Alex Jones (8). We may have been off the last couple of weeks, but he certainly wasn’t, and he has gone off the fucking deep end, and we didn’t think that was possible! In the number 9 (NEIN!!!) slot we’ve got a new installment of “People Are Dumb” because while we were off, the holidays brings out the crazy and stupid in ways you can’t imagine! Finally this week we have the first stop of our brief but enjoyable World Tour 2018. This time around we’re going to a country that has been in the news quite a lot lately, and it’s the subject of yet another attempt by Putin to disrupt world order – Spain! And we’re going to close out with some live music from Primus – they have a great new album called “The Desaturating Seven”. Enjoy! And as always don’t forget the key!

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[font size="8"]Donald Trump
[br] [/font]

So here it is people – we are exactly one edition away from reaching number 100. Yeah we took some time off but we are back! And it feels good to be back! And of course we’re already one week into 2018 and I honestly feel like this year is going to be no different than last year. Everyone is now speaking out about how insane this administration has become. But yesterday, this might be one of the most surprising responses to a Trump tweet ever:

That’s right – Fred Durst of Limp Bizkit is asking Trump to take the moral high ground. Let’s just let this sink in for a minute.

Musician Fred Durst on Sunday urged President Trump to "raise the bar" after Trump called Jake Tapper a "flunky" in an attack on the CNN host.

"Please sir, just stop this manipulation and raise the bar," Durst, who is best known as the vocalist for Limp Bizkit, tweeted.

"You have this wonderful opportunity to make our world better. We unmistakably need a role model and leader for the now, and the future. This isn’t the way."

Seriously? This is Fred Durst we're talking about here! The guy who brought us an album called "Chocolate Starfish And The Hot Dog Flavored Water". You know you fucked up when the guy who brought us this song is telling you to take the moral high ground!

And I mean really Fred, this is Donald J. Trump we're talking about here - do you really expect him to take the moral high ground on any issue? Someone could give him a homemade peanut butter and jelly sandwich and he would respond "your homemade jelly is terrible! I want a cheeseburger!". And really, after the revelations that were made about what a fat, unstable, lazy fuck he is, is this really surprising regarding his behavior?

Tiffany Trump on Friday confirmed President Trump's affinity for McDonald's but stopped short of verifying Michael Wolff's claim that the president indulged in menu items from the fast food chain every night in bed.

"He loves McDonald's," Trump told TMZ regarding her father's predilections.

"He wishes, right?" the first daughter added when asked whether he ate it nightly before going to sleep.

Wolff's tell-all, Fire and Fury: Inside the Trump White House, describes a bedtime routine that includes a cheeseburger.

I really hope that’s all he does with it! But here’s where Trump delves into crazy old man territory – he eats cheeseburgers in bed at 6:30, then wakes up at 3:00 AM for angry shit time. Thank you graphics department for that lovely image!

Donald Trump goes to bed with a cheeseburger at 6:30pm, shouts at staff who pick his shirts off the floor and watches three televisions at once as he rants on the phone about the unfair media, an explosive new book has revealed.

In the last year, the president has hit the headlines for his deluge of rash, offensive tweets, faced further accusations of sexual assault and found himself under scrutiny as part of the Special Counsel Russia probe.

But despite multiple reports of a presidency in chaos, Trump maintained the White House was running perfectly smoothly.

Now, in his forthcoming book, Fire and Fury: Inside the Trump White House, author Michael Wolff gives a behind-the-scenes look at the tumultuous first months of the administration.

Trump is that guy. But is his presidency all cheeseburgers in bed? The only way Trump could be lazier is if he has a rascal scooter available anywhere in the White House. I love that so much! So what else was revealed in the book? Anything juicy?

From an Israeli point of view, the most intriguing revelation in Michael Wolff’s book “Fire and Fury,” which has sparked both, is a blast from the past of the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. According to Wolff, former White House firebrand and strongman Steve Bannon expounded on the Trump administration’s formula for solving the conflict. “Let Jordan take the West Bank, let Egypt take Gaza,” says Bannon. “Let them deal with it. Or sink trying.”

The discovery that the White House was contemplating a formula that negates Palestinian nationhood and advocates a return to the days when “territorial compromise” with Jordan, Egypt (and Syria) was the main motto of Middle East peacemaking would be more sensational if it was less ambiguous. Bannon is quoted as saying that Sheldon Adelson and Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu are “all in” on the plan, but it’s not completely clear whether their supposed acquiescence only applies to “moving the Embassy to Jerusalem on day one,” which precedes the “all in” assertion, or whether it also encompasses the hairbrained scheme for the Gaza Strip and the West Bank, which follows it. Judging by context, the latter is true.
read more: https://www.haaretz.com/us-news/1.833530

Yeah we’re probably all gonna die. I mean if Trump gets joy out of eating cheeseburgers in bed while yelling at the TV, how could things possibly move up from there?

On the afternoon of November 8, 2016, Kellyanne Conway settled into her glass office at Trump Tower. Right up until the last weeks of the race, the campaign headquarters had remained a listless place. All that seemed to distinguish it from a corporate back office were a few posters with right-wing slogans.

Conway, the campaign’s manager, was in a remarkably buoyant mood, considering she was about to experience a resounding, if not cataclysmic, defeat. Donald Trump would lose the election — of this she was sure — but he would quite possibly hold the defeat to under six points. That was a substantial victory. As for the looming defeat itself, she shrugged it off: It was Reince Priebus’s fault, not hers.

She had spent a good part of the day calling friends and allies in the political world and blaming Priebus, the chairman of the Republican National Committee. Now she briefed some of the television producers and anchors whom she had been carefully courting since joining the Trump campaign — and with whom she had been actively interviewing in the last few weeks, hoping to land a permanent on-air job after the election.

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[font size="8"]Donald Trump
[br] [/font]

You know… you know… being a genius is a lot like being a million dollar rock star. If you have to tell me you’re one of those things, you’re doing it wrong. So after the aftermath of that shit show known as “Fire And Fury” was revealed, Trump had to remind the world of what a “stable genius” he is. I mean really, is he Wiley Coyote now? Let’s throw that tweet up there.

“Hi, here at the School For Stable Geniuses, we learn to think good and learn to do other stuff good, after all, we only have a four letter word voc… voc… what’ s that word? We are the best, OK? Nobody is better than we are!”. Thank you! So what happened exactly?

UPDATED | Senator Lindsey Graham responded Monday to tweets from President Donald Trump touting himself as "a very stable genius" amid questions of his mental fitness while serving in the White House's top role.

"Trump called himself 'like really smart and a stable genius.' So, do you think he's like really smart and a stable genius?" The View host Bette Midler asked the South Carolina Republican to audience laughter.

"I think this: if he doesn't call himself a genius, nobody else will," Graham responded to applause.

Now you know this is January. It’s a new year, we just had a really terrible one. Time for new beginnings, and you always see those articles that come out at this time of year about how you need to purge negative people from your live and stay positive. Well, there’s no one more positive than “Stable Genius”, Trump, am I right?

The “very stable genius” who happens to be president is digging in for a long 2018 by waging some familiar fights.

President Donald Trump is practically daring Democrats to engage in a fight over his mental state. He legitimized discussion of his mental capacity with his weekend tweets, but in so doing is pushing his opponents to go further than the public would prefer.

Trump is also egging on the media in a new and eye-catching fashion.

The White House dispatched a policy aide to spar with a Sunday host over “fake news” – and the president himself tweeted about victory for his side. Next Wednesday will (presumably) bring the “Fake News Awards,” a presidential creation designed to push media buttons in ways he knows well.

At least Wiley Coyote comes up with new and inventive ways to catch the Road Runner, Trump on the other hand resorts to the tired old tactic of calling his enemies “fake news”. I mean you’d think at this point he would try brands other than Acme Corporation but nope, not Trump! “Acme is made in America, buy American!”

By calling himself "a very stable genius" on Saturday, Donald Trump invited his psychiatrically inclined opponents to reiterate their claim that he is mentally unfit for office. "The level of concern by the public is now enormous," Yale forensic psychiatrist Bandy Lee told The New York Times. "They're telling us to speak more loudly and clearly and not to stop until something is done, because they are terrified."

Lee, who edited The Dangerous Case of Donald Trump: 27 Psychiatrists and Mental Health Experts Assess a President, thinks the public is clamoring to hear the opinions of brave experts like her. Trump thinks the public is sick of bogus issues like "Russian collusion" and "mental stability" propagated by "the Democrats and their lapdogs, the Fake News Mainstream Media." I think Lee and Trump both are drawing hasty conclusions based on biased samples, and Lee's belief that she has any special authority to judge the president's competence is at least as delusional as Trump's belief that his success as a developer, a reality TV star, and a politician puts his I.Q. score above 140.

So by calling himself a “Stable Genius” does that mean that a school for Stable Geniuses exists? I mean it’s like I said in the beginning – if you have to tell me you’re a genius, chances are very high that you’re probably not.

Because memory works in strange ways these fast and furious days, let’s briefly review some of the handiwork of the very stable genius in the White House.

Last January, feeling wounded by insufficient praise on the first day, he sent his press secretary out to tell the media that they had just witnessed a historically huge inauguration. He then insisted that he only lost the popular vote by 3 million people because of illegal votes. Both were, well, out of step with reality.

In March, angry about something else, he claimed, without evidence, that President Obama “had my ‘wires tapped’ in Trump Tower just before the victory.”

In May, mad about a news report in which the former FBI director said he had asked for loyalty, he threatened Jim Comey, saying he “better hope that there are no ‘tapes’ of our conversations before he starts leaking to the press.” Weeks later, he admitted there were no recordings.

Yeah that’s kind of what we’re all feeling right now Trump – fuck it! You know what they say – crazy = genius. But in this case, I think crazy = stable genius! I mean is he Simple Jack from the movie Tropic Thunder now?

Or maybe he’s Homer Simpson?

But you know what? You can always quit! But nope, President Simple Jack will continue to cry fake news!

From one very stable genius to another, I have some advice for President Trump: Resign immediately.

I feel you. Those small, petty, non-billionaire losers who attack you are not worthy of your brilliance. They don’t deserve the benefit of your intellect, your strength, your devastating good looks. Take your dazzling brain and your normal-size hands and go home. Let the ungrateful wretches suffer. Let them see how they like their precious little democracy without you.

They don’t deserve Ivanka or Jared or Junior or Eric, either. Most of the complainers don’t even have glamorous fashion-model third wives. Sad!

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[font size="8"]Donald Trump
[br] [/font]

Yeah I was originally going to talk about the Fake News awards, but that’s not happening until a week from now so we have plenty of time to get considered.

Thank you! But we *HAVE* to talk about Trump’s butchering of the National Anthem here. We talked about this in the beginning of the show but we’ve got to talk about it some more. I mean who needs fiction right now? You can’t possibly make this shit up! So Trump was at the BCS Championship game, and by the way – congratulations to the Alabama Crimson Tide. Georgia Bulldogs, you played a great game and you almost won, and you can rest assured that you don’t have to go to the White House to meet Trump. Thank you! So what happened?

US President Donald Trump was greeted with a mixture of cheers and boos as he took to the field for the national anthem during a college football game in Atlanta.

But as The Star-Spangled Banner began to play, social media users turned their attention to his anthem etiquette.

Mr Trump's supporters said they were proud to see him standing with his hand over his heart, while his critics said it looked as though he had forgotten the lyrics.
Did he forget the words?

He certainly didn't sing all of them.

Video of the anthem shows Mr Trump getting off to a slow start. He appears to mouth some of the words while occasionally pausing and missing some out.

Some lines and phrases are sung with gusto. The president can clearly be seen mouthing "bright stars" and he finishes with a flourish, smiling and singing "the land of the free and the home of the brave".

We already rolled this tape, but we got to roll it again because it’s spectacular!

I mean who is he? Krusty The Klown?

Or maybe he’s Lt. Frank Drebin from the Naked Gun movies?

Or maybe he’s as bad as Rosanne was?

And it couldn’t possibly be worse, could it? I mean come on, Trump is America hitting absolute rock bottom, and once you hit rock bottom, there’s nowhere to go from there but up, am I right?

Washington (CNN)President Donald Trump walked onto the field and stood with members of the military for the National Anthem at the college football national championship game Monday night in Atlanta. The President stood with his hand over his heart, singing along to parts of the anthem.

The players, as is normal in college football, were not yet on the field for the anthem. The President then smiled and waved as he walked off the field.
The game between the University of Georgia and the University of Alabama was at Atlanta's Mercedes-Benz Stadium.

Trump, who has criticized professional athletes for kneeling during the National Anthem, appeared in good spirits on the field Monday -- and then after the anthem, he left to take his seat for the game.

Yeah can someone tell me what’s wrong with that picture? That’s right – all the military guys have their hands saluting. Trump has his over his heart like he’s in elementary school! I mean seriously, Mr. I’m So Patriotic can’t even get *THAT* right! And this is the guy – who – not even 48 hours before hand – declared himself a “stable genius”!

Donald Trump, who just last week described himself as both “like, really smart” and “a very stable genius,” may have some studying up to do. While attending the College Football Playoff National Championship game between the University of Georgia and the University of Alabama on Monday night, the president was caught on camera singing along to the national anthem—or, at least, some of it. Definitely the last few verses. Right?

Trump, who was reportedly greeted by protesters in Atlanta, has been a voracious critic of NFL players who kneel during the national anthem; he has called players like Colin Kaepernick a “son of a bitch” for their activism against police brutality, and has said that players who protest the anthem or show solidarity during it should be fired. This is all to say that the irony of this particular moment was not lost on social media. The most standout reactions, below:

Yeah you can give your thumbs up all you want, but I mean come on, this is the national anthem we are talking about here. And it’s really SAD! that all you “patriotic than thou” people support a guy who can’t even sing this right!

President Donald Trump stumbled his way through a rendition of the US national anthem at a college football game in Atlanta, Georgia, on Monday night.

Footage from the field before the game shows Trump standing with members of the US Army's Reserve Officer Training Corps as "Star Spangled Banner" rang out across the stadium.

For part of the song, Trump appears to mouth along to some of the words, while at other points he paused, stayed silent, or looked around at the crowd. The servicemen around him don't sing, and hold their hands still in salute.

Trump has criticised football players in the past for not treating the national anthem with sufficient respect. Many took to kneeling during the song in protest against what they consider systemic racism in the US.

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[font size="8"]Stephen Miller
[br] [/font]

So this whole Fire & Fury thing must have really hit a number on Trump, whose idea of paradise is cheeseburgers in bed. I don’t remember that Jimmy Buffet song! And last week, part time Hannibal Lecter impersonator Stephen Miller stopped by the Jake Tapper show to remind people to put the lotion in the basket. Or something absurdly creepy. Well let’s show some of the interview.

Yeah well I’m with you Jake – this is only an hour show. I got no time to waste here! But we attempted to get thrown out of an interview as well! So what happened?

White House adviser Stephen Miller was escorted off the set of CNN’s "State of the Union" on Sunday after a contentious interview with host Jake Tapper.

Two sources close to the situation told Business Insider that after the taping was done, Miller was politely asked to leave several times.

He ignored those requests and ultimately security was called and he was escorted out, the sources said.

Thankfully it didn’t have to come to that! But what did Stephen Miller and our president Donald J. Trump actually want from his interview? You know Trump can destroy 3 news networks with a single tweet.

The segment began with Tapper asking a question, which Miller happily ignored in favor of a meandering, long riff. Tapper let Miller go for a minute and a half, and Miller happily took it, running through a series of talking points that sounded carefully workshopped.

“It’s tragic and unfortunate that Steve would make these grotesque comments so out of touch with reality and obviously so vindictive,” Miller said. “The whole White House staff is disappointed with his comments, which were so grotesque.” (There was a lot of “grotesque” and “tragic” in the interview.) Miller went on that “the book is best understood as a work of very poorly written fiction,” a line which might have landed better if he hadn’t followed it with a poorly written, juvenile jab: “I also will say that the author is a garbage author of a garbage book.”

Ah come on, this is the Trump administration here! The word “grotesque” is probably the most accurate word to describe this whole shit show! At least Stephen Miller didn’t resort to reenacting “Goodnight Horse”, or at least maybe he does in his spare time! We don’t know! But then of course Trump had to shoot his fat mouth off at the subject at hand!

CNN's Jake Tapper had a contentious interview with White House senior adviser Stephen Miller on Sunday morning as the two argued about President Donald Trump's mental wellbeing and the network's reporting practices.

When asked about the president’s tweet claiming to be “a very stable genius" earlier this week, Miller defended his boss and took a shot at CNN in one sweeping motion.

“Not only do I think they help it, but I think in the toxic environment that you've created here and CNN and cable news, which is a real crisis of legitimacy for your network,” Miller said.

Tapper ended the interview shortly after.

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[font size="8"]Oprah For President?
[br] [/font]

You know our job here at the Top 10 is to make fun of the news, and not speculate. But when speculation is in the news, we’re going to make fun of it. So America hit rock bottom when Trump got inaugurated, so there’s nowhere to go from there but up, am I right? That’s right! Wooo!!! Well there’s a lot of speculation about who’s going to run in 2020, because let’s face it, we’re all eager to rid ourselves of this nightmare. But it’s not that easy. And you know the Golden Globes were here this weekend, and one person in particular threw her hat in the ring.

It sounds so simple: If Donald Trump can win the presidency, why couldn’t Oprah Winfrey?

A day after her rousing speech at Sunday’s Golden Globes, speculation about Winfrey’s potential White House aspirations sparked some instant handicapping among Washington insiders.

Winfrey, 63, is younger than some of the top Democrats who might run, William Kristol, editor of the conservative Weekly Standard magazine, told followers on Twitter. He also suggested she might stand a better shot in the primaries.

“Sounder on economics than Bernie Sanders, understands Middle America better than Elizabeth Warren, less touchy-feely than Joe Biden, more pleasant than Andrew Cuomo, more charismatic than John Hickenlooper,” he wrote.

YOU GET HEALTHCARE! AND YOU GET HEALTHCARE! AND YOU GET HEALTHCARE! EVERYBODY GETS HEALTHCARE! Oh come on if that’s the first punchline that comes to mind, you need to get out more! I mean come on we like to go for the obvious here!

Oprah Winfrey is "actively thinking" about running for president, two of her close friends told CNN Monday.

The two friends, who requested anonymity in order to speak freely, talked in the wake of Winfrey's extraordinary speech at the Golden Globes Sunday night, which spurred chatter about a 2020 run.

Some of Winfrey's confidants have been privately urging her to run, the sources said.

One of the sources said these conversations date back several months. The person emphasized that Winfrey has not made up her mind about running.

And you thought I had something else planned didn’t you? Ha ha! I sure fooled you! But why is Oprah considering running for president? Yeah she’s an accomplished businesswoman who actively gives back to her community, you know – the opposite of Trump. And come on, Oprah, nothing good has the word “active” in front of it. Maybe “Active Lottery Winner”. But that’s about it!

Oprah Winfrey’s stirring speech on oppression and bullying during Sunday’s Golden Globes broadcast sounded a lot like something you’d hear on the campaign trail.

Receiving the Cecil B. DeMille Award at the gala, she addressed the #MeToo movement in an adroit fashion, ending with the phrase “a new day is on the horizon.” It wasn’t long before the “Oprah for President” social media chatter began.

CNN reports Winfrey is “actively thinking” about a run for the Oval Office. And her partner Stedman Graham says she would “absolutely” do it, if the people demand it.

Of course, Winfrey has shot down talk of a presidential bid several times before. In June, she told The Hollywood Reporter “I will never run for public office. That’s a pretty definitive thing.” And soon after giving Sundays’ Golden Globes speech, she told Bloomberg she has no plans to run.

Ha!!!! Fooled you again! But like I said this is all speculation. I mean we have 3 more fucking years of this madness. But come on anything is better than the shit stain we have in charge now, am I right?

Oprah Winfrey's widely shared speech about gender, race and opportunity at the Golden Globe Awards quickly fueled speculation that she could consider a presidential run in 2020.

Receiving a lifetime achievement award, the media mogul spoke about hoping to start a "new day," in which women can speak up about sexual harassment without fear. Her remarks came during an awards show dominated by talk about a national reckoning over sexual harassment that has swept up powerful Hollywood figures like Harvey Weinstein and Kevin Spacey.

The speech sparked speculation that Winfrey, 63, could seek the presidency in the next election, challenging another television personality and businessperson, President Donald Trump. The billionaire businesswoman and former talk show host was the subject of presidential rumors even before her Sunday night speech.

Yeah probably!

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[font size="8"]Devin Nunes
[br] [/font]

Politicians at national, state and local levels who are so terrible , you wonder how they got elected in the first place. Or in this case reelected. It’s now time for another installment of:

This week, it’s the 22nd district representative of California, Devin Nunes. So you know Trump had that famous Russia meeting back in 2016 before the election. But when rumors surfaced that there was an American Congressman in the room at the time, the rumors began flying. Lots of fingers began immediately pointing at CA-48 representative Dana Rohrabacher as he is known as “Putin’s favorite Congressman”. But new rumors are surfacing that it might be CA-22 rep Devin Nunes.

House Speaker Paul Ryan backed his fellow congressional Republican, House Intelligence Chairman Devin Nunes, during a meeting over the Russia investigation Wednesday, capping off a months-long dispute between the committee and the Justice Department, multiple sources with the knowledge of the situation told CNN.
CNN reported Wednesday that Ryan met with Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein and FBI head Christopher Wray in his Capitol Hill office, but details emerged Thursday providing new insight into how a nasty inter-branch dispute has quietly subsided -- at least for now.
Over the summer Nunes served subpoenas seeking a broad range of documents connected to the dossier of compromising allegations about President Donald Trump's connections to the Kremlin, including those related to payments the FBI made to fund it (if any), efforts to corroborate any information contained in it and whether the FBI used information from the dossier to apply for warrants to conduct surveillance under the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act on Trump associates. The Justice Department has already allowed Intelligence Committee members and staff to review a number of highly classified materials at a secure location at the department, but last month Nunes escalated the feud, threatening top officials at Justice and the FBI with contempt of Congress if they did not meet all of his subpoena demands.


If you don’t know then why would go to where treason sits… Putin On The Ritz! But apparently now Nunes is fighting back against Mueller and his investigation. Yeah they are going there all right!

Rep. Devin Nunes, once sidelined by an ethics inquiry from leading the House Intelligence Committee’s Russia probe, is reasserting the full authority of his position as chairman just as the GOP appears poised to challenge special counsel Robert S. Mueller III’s investigation of possible coordination between the Trump campaign and Russian officials.

The California Republican was cleared in December of allegations he improperly disclosed classified information while accusing the Obama administration of exposing the identities of Trump affiliates on surveillance reports. Since clearing his name, Nunes has stepped up his attacks on Mueller’s team and the law enforcement agencies around it, including convening a group of Intelligence Committee Republicans to draft a likely report on “corruption” among the investigators working for the special counsel.

Although Nunes has not officially wrested his panel’s Russia probe back from the Republicans he deputized to run it, the chairman’s reemergence as a combative Trump loyalist has raised alarm among Democrats that the future of the investigation may be clipped short or otherwise undermined. Even some of Nunes’s GOP allies have expressed concern about his tactics, prompting rare public warnings that he should temper his attacks on federal law enforcement.

So Nunes is just as evil as any of the people we’ve seen come and go in the revolving door known as the Trump administration. But they keep bringing back the Matrix metaphors about going down the rabbit hole. Which makes us wonder – have any republicans and Trump fans ever seen “The Matrix” let alone understand it?

The cofounders of the opposition-research firm Fusion GPS defended themselves on Tuesday against what they characterized as attempts by President Donald Trump's allies in the media and Congress to "punish" Fusion for investigating Trump's ties to Russia.

Glenn Simpson and Peter Fritsch, two former Wall Street Journal reporters who founded Fusion GPS in 2011, wrote a New York Times op-ed article amid intensifying calls from GOP lawmakers to investigate whether the Steele dossier — a collection of memos written by a former British spy, Christopher Steele, outlining claims about Trump's ties to Russia — triggered the FBI's investigation into the Trump campaign.

The House Intelligence Committee chairman, Devin Nunes, has been examining Fusion and Steele aggressively since he stepped aside from the panel's Russia investigation in April amid an ethics investigation. He subpoenaed Fusion's bank records last year and has threatened to hold FBI Director Christopher Wray and Attorney General Jeff Sessions in contempt if they do not hand over information about the dossier and what the FBI did with it.

That sounds about right, actually. But this whole thing is like an onion – the more you peel back the layers, the more it stinks, and the more you are likely to cry as a result of what you have discovered. So why are they going after the FBI now? They’re going after the FBI the way Trump goes after the last few fries he dropped in bed:

With Rep. Devin Nunes at the helm, a number of Republican members of the House Intelligence Committee reportedly spent weeks investigating whether top leaders at the Justice Department and FBI “mishandled” the Trump-Russia dossier.

The rogue Republicans on the House committee, which is investigating Russia’s alleged meddling in last year’s election, have not told Democratic members of the committee about their plan to possibly bring a case against Justice and the FBI, but, Politico reported Wednesday, citing four unnamed people familiar with the probe, the group spoke to the House’s general counsel.

The probe, due to release its findings in early 2018, intends to show “corruption and conspiracy in the upper ranks of federal law enforcement,” according to the report.

You know maybe Nunes is the person who we don’t want running the Trump – Russia probe. I mean how can you be knee deep in your own investigation running your own investigation? Yes, cue the exploding head GIF.

Andrew Janz, the Fresno County prosecutor and Democrat challenging Rep. Devin Nunes’ re-election bid, has called for the Tulare Republican to once again step away from any investigation into Russia’s alleged meddling in the 2016 presidential election.

Janz pointed to a New York Times report that says the Washington Free Beacon, a conservative website funded by billionaire Republican donor Paul Singer, informed the House Permanent Select Committee on Intelligence that it hired research firm Fusion GPS in 2015 to investigate Donald Trump and other presidential candidates. The website said it stopped using the firm to investigate Trump after he clinched the Republican nomination.

At the end of 2015, Fusion GPS produced a document written by former British intelligence officer Christopher Steele commonly known as the Trump dossier or Steele dossier. The document, funded by Democratic challenger Hillary Clinton’s campaign and the Democratic National Committee, lists many unconfirmed ties between Trump and the Russian government.

So… false claims, lying, snooping, more lying, and more snooping. That’s Devin Nunes, yet another one of the:

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[font size="8"]Holy Shit
[br] [/font]

Yes everyone it’s time to take a seat in the pew and pass the collection plate! For it is our understanding that in the darkest of times, we turn to the holiest among us. And even then we are told that the holiest among us are full of:

So how is my fine congregation doing on this beautiful Wednesday in the year of our lord, creator of all that is good and holy, his year 2018? So we have taken a break from all the madness surrounding the religious right, but they certainly haven’t! So where do we begin? Well for starters they’re playing the Nazi card:

When Barack Obama was president, we spent eight years listening to an endless parade of right-wing critics compare him to Hitler and regularly equate the Democrats and the progressive movement with Nazis. So imagine our surprise when we heard Religious Right activist Gary Bauer complain that anyone who would dare to compare President Trump or Republicans to the Nazis is a despicable person who is engaging in modern-day McCarthyism.

While appearing on the “Point of View” radio program yesterday, Bauer said that such criticism of Trump and the GOP is “insane” and is making it “impossible to bring the country together.”

“There was a time in our history in the 1950s when some people—the most notable one was Congressman McCarthy—began first looking for communists in the government,” Bauer said. “There were some and it was good that they were exposed, but then it went too far and they were labeling everybody a communist and that became known as McCarthyism; smearing somebody by just sticking a label on them with no proof. And I believe what the left today, including many mainstream newspapers and TV shows and so forth, are engaged in is a form of left-wing McCarthyism where they label anybody that is pro-life, pro-family, believes in small government and lower taxes a Nazi or a fascist. It’s disgusting, it’s damaging to our country and it’s got to stop.”

Yeah playing the Nazi card is a game you will never win, because people will see you as, well, a nazi! And you know who else is playing the Nazi card? Our good friend Dave Daubenmire because wait until you get a load of what he thinks Oprah running for president will be like!

Religious Right activist Dave Daubenmire used his “Pass The Salt Live” webcast this morning to warn that talk of Oprah Winfrey running for president in 2020 is an effort to prepare for a possible genocide against white men in America.

Daubenmire was outraged by the recent Golden Globes award ceremony, which he declared was “the most absolute, unbelievable frontal assault on white Christian maleness that I have ever seen.”

“You tell me this is not orchestrated,” he said. “Then Oprah gets up there and gives that talk and now they want Oprah to be president of the United States. Oprah Winfrey. Oprah. Oprah Winfrey.”

“Hollywood wants to give us her,” Daubenmire added. “The God-haters want to give us her.”

Yeah BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! You don’t go full racist, Dave. Never, ever go full racist! I mean really! But what is next for our devoted followers of the Lord Baby Jesus? They really hate CNN for one thing!

Earlier this week, anti-LGBTQ Christian-nation activist and pro-Trump political operative David Lane ranted about CNN’s New Year’s Eve coverage in an email to supporters of his American Renewal Project. Lane complained that hosts Andy Cohen and Anderson Cooper are “both homosexuals” and that Randi Kaye, broadcasting from Colorado where marijuana use is legal, “passed around a ‘joint’ with young people in Denver.”

Predictably Lane sees the whole thing as part of America’s slide into decadent secularism:

America was seduced in the last half century, not by the Communists, but by Secularism. Unelected and unaccountable judges have nullified a once Biblically-based public education and culture. CNN is a co-conspirator to the mortal sin affecting America. As a result of secularists replacing a Biblically-based culture with Secularism, George Washington, John Adams, Thomas Jefferson, Robert E. Lee, et al., are no longer advanced as patriots, but decried as backward racists. Their stature is disparaged by fanatical anarchists, such as Black Lives Matter, who deal in the currency of brutality and dissension. Perversion and cultural deterioration are now abetted by spiritually antagonistic network executives and media elites.

Lane ended his tirade with an assertion that “CNN has forfeited its right to broadcast.” That’s an interesting take on the First Amendment and a free press, but perhaps not too surprising given Lane’s revisionist take on American history, religious pluralism, etc.

So… what part of “Congress shall make no law abridging freedom of the press” means “fuck you, you will do as we say”? Because that’s greed, and greed is a sin!!!! AND SINS MUST BE CLEANSED BY THE LORD JESUS!!!!! Can I get an amen??? But according to our good friend Pastor Rick Joyner, Trump might be the most brilliant person he’s ever met.

Right-wing pastor Rick Joyner recently went to see “Darkest Hour,” the new film about Winston Churchill, and came away amazed at the parallels he sees between Churchill and President Trump, whom he said might just be “the most brilliant person I’ve ever met.”

In a video posted on his Facebook page yesterday, Joyner said that he is not concerned by Trump’s undignified speech and lack of decorum because “what he is accomplishing is what should be [considered] presidential … and he’s accomplishing some of the most amazing things ever.”

“He is really caustic,” Joyner said. “He will hit back at everybody—I’m talking about Donald Trump—he is very much like Churchill. Churchill was brilliant and I’ll tell you this about Donald Trump: He’s not a man of study and research and reading and writing—in many ways they don’t compare—but I’ve met a lot of brilliant people in my life, some of the most brilliant in just about every field … When I met Donald Trump, I was only in his office—I don’t know, we might have been there talking for an hour—but in just a few minutes, I understood this guy is unbelievably brilliant. He may be the most brilliant person I’ve ever met.”

Yes, failure so stupid that it gets the rare Face Psalm! I mean if this is what Pastor Rick thinks is brilliant what does he think is stupid? Thank you congregation! And by the way, speaking of brilliant, how good is the Top 10 Gospel Choir? Let’s give it up for them! But you know some people say that Trump was appointed by the Lord our God, creator of all that is good and holy, but really those people are about as fucking crazy as they come!

Former Trump campaign adviser Frank Amedia, founder of the POTUS Shield network of dominionist “apostles” and “prophets” who believe President Trump was anointed by God, reported in a January 5 email that he and his wife had attended “a very small and intimate dinner meeting with Vice President Pence and his wife Karen” the previous evening.

The White House released a photo of the event, one of many gatherings hosted by Trump administration officials for Religious Right leaders. Pence, who was a top Religious Right pick for the presidency as far back as 2010, is now a conduit into the White House for Religious Right leaders and views.

Amedia’s email says POTUS Shield is also arranging a live stream with Pence’s office during the group’s March 20-22 gathering in Branson, Missouri, which will be hosted and broadcasted by televangelist Jim Bakker and his wife Lori. Amedia has made multiple appearances on the Bakkers’ show, which devotes a good chunk of its time to spreading warnings about an impending apocalypse and, conveniently, selling buckets of “prepper” food to help viewers prepare for that eventuality. In July, Amedia told Bakker that Trump “receives downloads that now he’s beginning to understand come from God.”

Ooh, I do like that one! But have no fear! The guy who heads Focus On The Family, and your homophobic uncle’s homophobic uncle, James Dobson has the solution for you Never Trumpers!

On Friday, James Dobson joined Intercessors for America for the organization’s monthly prayer conference call, during which he called on conservative Christians to engage in a day of fasting and prayer against efforts to impeach President Trump.

Dobson said that he “felt sorry for this man” when he and other Religious Right leaders met with Trump in the Oval Office last month because “so many people obviously hate him … He faces the combined opposition from the mainstream media, from members of Congress—both Democrats and Republicans, not all of them, but many of them—the entertainment industry, [and] the special interest groups who seem determined to bring him down.”

Dobson warned that “this country will be in serious trouble if they’re successful in impeaching this man” and is therefore urging Christians to pray and fast in order to protect Trump.

Yes, even I, your pastor of the Holy Lady Of The Top 10, am embarrassed by this confession! And then there's this guy who says that Christians face a "leftist nemesis" consisting of "gender confused pajama boys". By the way, I saw the Gender Confused Pajama Boys at the Troubadour last week - pretty strong band.

Culture wars are wars. When I go on Twitter, I am going downrange. I approach my tweeting, retweeting, blocking, and replying as such.

This is still war even if (for now) the conflict is not an armed clash between us conservatives and our leftist nemeses. As I have elaborated in previous posts, Carl von Clausewitz noted that much of what we call “war” is mastering our thoughts, our troops’ thoughts, our allies’ thoughts, and our enemies’ thoughts. Of his nine principles of war, some, such as “objective” and “surprise” and “unity of command,” point as much to what goes on in all these players’ heads as to violent conflict.

Fortunately, in 2017, conservatives (though not all) came to understand that our political fight is not a roundtable symposium or a pie contest at the county fair. Hallelujah!

We face a leftist enemy who hates us and seeks to replace us with complacent gender-confused pajama boys shaking in fear that they may be shot through a biodegradable cannon by race-baiting rioters into a mob of lesbian sexual harassment lawyers. An astonishing swath of the right has rebuffed the NeverTrumps with their calls for civility. This signals that we aren’t crazy if we’ve been acting like troops in a kulturkampf for years.

But in case you are wondering where this is all going, look no further than Trump’s spiritual advisor Paula White, who very clearly lays it out for you:

Paula White, a prosperity gospel preacher with close ties to President Donald Trump, is calling on followers to send her donations of up to one month’s salary. Those who don’t pay up could face “consequences” from God as he demands the dough as a “first fruits” offering.

“The reason is God lays claim to all firsts,” White wrote on her website. “So when you keep for yourself something that belongs to God you are desecrating what is to be consecrated to God.”

In this case, the “firsts” are money, which “supernaturally unlocks amazing opportunity, blessing, favor and divine order for your life.”

White, who is chairwoman of Trump’s evangelical advisory committee, claims she contributes a month’s pay every year as a “seed,” which according to prosperity gospel is supposed to grow into riches and other blessings. She’s also calling on others to contribute their own firsts, in the form of wages for a day, week or entire month:

Forget pay to play, there’s a far more sinister scandal at work here – pay to pray. So there you have it – repent and pray and or else. That is it, mass has ended, may you go in peace! That is it this week for:

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[font size="8"]Alex Jones
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Whew, Alex, keep doing what you are doing. Infowars is an endless supply of batshit crazy, as you have seen by following our program. And you know, they’ve always got to keep the operation afloat, because you never know when Infowars might go under, and we hope that is soon. Which is why they literally hawk snake oil. So what has Alex been up to lately in the time that we have been gone? For starters, I don’t think he gets his own interpretation of Julius Caesar quite right:

Alex Jones, the nutritional supplement salesman who leads the conspiracy theory outlet Infowars, claimed that former White House chief strategist and Breitbart executive Steve Bannon “stabbed the president and America in the back” by telling an author that a meeting between Trump campaign staffers and a Russian lawyer was “treasonous” and went on to compare Bannon’s actions to mugging and rape.

Jones opened his show today by addressing the ongoing feud between the Trump administration and Bannon following reports that Bannon told author Michael Wolff that Trump never wanted to be president and that a meeting between Donald Trump Jr., then-campaign chairman Paul Manafort and a Russian lawyer was “treasonous” and “unpatriotic.” Jones concluded that Bannon’s actions proved he was part of a “deep state” effort to remove Trump from office.

“Bannon is at the heart of the attempt to take down the president now and it’s just like something out of a Roman tragedy. It’s like something out of what really happened to Julius Caesar,” Jones said.

I love that movie! But like I said, you can always count on Infowars to bring the crazy extra hard. And the scary thing is people believe this guy! He has followers! And they vote! Let that sink in! Especially when he makes such absurd comments like this:

ALEX JONES (HOST): So it’s the death of good cinema that’s got Hollywood down 20 percent this year, 30 percent over the last ten years, previous to that 50 percent in the last couple decades. Their worst year ever this year. This new film, if you call it that, The Last Jedi is like the last Star Wars movie I think I can ever watch, because it’s like Russian roulette to go see this. It had some great graphics and some fun stuff in it, but subjecting myself and my children to every bad guy being a man and all of the commanders being women, like seven deep, like, “This commander dies, so it’s this woman and then it’s this woman,” and then they go, “The chain of command, it goes to this woman, and the chain of command.” And it’s all about women are in the chain of command. Beat me over the head. Beat me over the head. I mean I get like don’t have stereotypes, show that women can be in power positions, as if that hasn’t happened throughout history. Cleopatra, Joan of Arc, you name it. And a lot of times in bad roles -- Margaret Sanger, the list goes on and on. Queen Elizabeth II, you know a known admitted Nazi heiling Hitler, but that’s OK, according to everybody, because she’s liberal. But this is just the beating you over the head to patronize women and show them in SWAT team uniforms running around and to be the police and to be in charge and the men are a bunch of idiots that have to be put in line, and it just goes on and on.

And then poor Carrie Fisher, you can see her tweets and videos before she died, and that was during the filming, she died right at the end of filming, she died right as it ended, she flew back. I’m not saying it’s a star murder or anything, but we know in Hollywood sometimes when they think you're finally done, if you die right after your last record, your last movie, then it triples or quadruples your portfolio. But she just completed it perfectly. Flying back, I guess celebrating or whatever, had a bunch of different drugs in her systems and things. And I’m very sad for her, thought she played the goddess archetype very, very well, did a great job in the first films, had a long life, a lot of substance problems, a lot of this had been affected by [inaudible] family, so I don’t put her down, but it was like watching an under the bridge dweller, like we have near the office, who I try to bring food and stuff, who, she looked like a basically an old lizard that lived under a bridge or something that could hardly talk.

I don’t think he gets that quite right either! But you know - good conspiracies never die. They're like worms. You cut one off, and it grows and splits into new worms. Take for example Pizzagate (brought to you by Infowars, 4chan, and Wikileaks) - you know - the conspiracy that Hillary Clinton's campaign manager John Podesta was running a child sex trafficking ring underneath the basement of a Washington DC pizza parlor? It reached such new heights that people shot the place up and got kicked out and banned for life filming children's birthday parties at the pizza place, while employees were getting harassed and threatened with murder. And it was proven to be bullshit. Now enter Pizzagate 2.0, known as "The Storm". Ooh... it's got a code name. That means it's a hand crafted conspiracy theory and not one of your garbage, mass produced conspiracy theories!

Infowars announced that its chief Washington correspondent and notorious crackpot Jerome Corsi has begun “playing a more central role” in pushing a fringe online message board conspiracy theory known as “The Storm,” entrenching itself deeper into the tinfoil hat territory the site usually inhabits.

Corsi has jumped on board of “The Storm” train, a conspiracy theory that emerged from 4chan and 8chan, two online message boards that serve as hubs for the far-right and “alt-right” users and is reportedly “working directly” with the moderators of 8chan’s The Storm forum.

As reported by New York magazine’s Paris Martineau, this new conspiracy theory claims that President Donald Trump’s cryptic October 2017 comment about the “calm before the storm” was a hint at a master plan Trump is setting in motion to kneecap members of the “deep state.” According to Martineau, the theory claims former President Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, and John McCain among many others will be arrested, calls the Steele dossier a total fabrication, and argues that “the Las Vegas massacre was most definitely an inside job connected to the Saudi-Clinton cabal.”

Over the course of 2017, right-wing media figures have been pushing the narrative that “deep state” operatives are attempting to remove Trump from power and that the ongoing probe into whether the Trump campaign colluded with Russia during the 2016 election campaign is an evidence of this supposed coup.

An anonymous poster “Q” seems to have set “The Storm” in motion. “Q,” who claims to be a “high-level government insider with Q clearance,” began posting “intel drops” (or crumbs) on 4chan meant to leave clues to inform the public of Trump’s plan.

“The Storm” has now spread beyond message boards to gain traction on Twitter under the #qanon and #thestorm hashtags and through YouTube videos which currently have hundreds of thousands of views.

But come on, this is Alex Jones we're talking about here! He's not your average, run of the mill, batshit crazy conspiracy theorist, he takes things to whole new levels! Take for example what he said about Oprah and Harvey Weinstein. This is a whole new level of stupid, crazy, and insane! Sigh. People like this lunatic and his followers are why we can't have nice things!

Alex Jones, the nutritional supplement salesman who leads the Infowars outlet, and Gavin McInnes, who hosts a show on CRTV and leads the bizarre “Proud Boys” club, reacted to media speculation about whether Oprah Winfrey would run for president by claiming that Winfrey is a lesbian who helped, and sometimes participated in, Hollywood mogul Harvey Weinstein’s alleged sexual assaults on women.

Today on “The Alex Jones Show,” McInnes told Jones that he was worried about the possibility that Winfrey would run for office until he talked to political operative and Infowars contributor Roger Stone, who McInnes said told him to imagine “the kind of skeletons this woman has in her closet” that would prevent her from running and “relax.”

“He’s right. She’s a lesbian,” McInnes said, before going on to refer to Steadman Graham, Oprah’s longtime partner, as a “human dildo that she would use” with her friend Gayle King who “must be crying himself to sleep at night.”

Jones then aired his own doubts about a Winfrey presidency and alleged that his “Hollywood contacts” told him that Weinstein and Winfrey sleep with young women together, building off accusations that Winfrey told an aspiring actress that Weinstein would help her career before Weinstein allegedly forced himself on her.

“They’re going to run her like she’s this glorious woman that cares, meanwhile she’s literally the wingman going out and getting tail—and I guess you’re going to say it, I’m going to say it—she’s well known with Weinstein to enjoy tail together. The word is she gets in bed with—I mean, I’ve got Hollywood contacts. I mean, people see Oprah and Weinstein, they go in the room with a couple hot, young chicks and it’s party time,” Jones said.

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[font size="8"]People Are Dumb
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Ah you know what time it is? It’s time for this!

So of course you know by now that people are people and people are dumb. And of course no story about stupid people can be complete without our good friend Florida Man. So how does Florida Man celebrate his 21st birthday? By taking a stolen credit card to see “Pitch Perfect 3”. Well this is Florida - be glad all he did was go see a movie and not go on an all night booze and hooker binge! And he walked out of it, which may or may not be a statement on how bad Pitch Perfect 3 is.

On Christmas Day, a Florida man turning 21 bought a ticket to “Pitch Perfect 3,” then hit the concession stand for Welch’s Fruit Snacks and an Icee, according to Indian River County Sheriff’s Office.

Deputies’ only problem with Atif Hussain’s low-key afternoon: He used a McDonald’s co-worker’s debit card to pay for it, they say.

Which is why the Vero Beach resident got booked into jail on charges of theft, felony possession of stolen property and fraudulent use of a credit card. Hussain was released at 9:12 a.m. Tuesday after posting $3,500 bond.

The arrest affidavit says Rachel Goldsberry’s Christmas afternoon shift at McDonald’s was interrupted by a pair of text messages informing her of two debit card purchases at an AMC theater, at 4:11 p.m. and 4:16 p.m. She notified the sheriff’s office, whose deputies saw receipts — $6.41 for the movie ticket, $11.11 for the munchies — and security camera video at the movie house. They waited for “Pitch Perfect 3” to end, but didn’t see the suspect in the theater once it ended.

Although I suspect the real crime in this story is $11 for an Icee and a thing of fruit snacks. Hey oh! So sticking with the Sunshine State, or America’s Penis as it’s sometimes called, what happens when an ATM dispenses too much cash?

A 23-year-old Florida man told police he punched an ATM in November because it gave him too much cash.

Cocoa, Fla., police charged Michael Joseph Oleksik, of Merritt Island, on Friday with criminal mischief nearly a month into the investigation of a disturbance at a Wells Fargo bank branch in Cocoa. Bank officials said the attacked caused at least $5,000 in damages.

Authorities said Oleksik can be seen on surveillance video standing at the ATM, pummeling the electronic teller’s touch screen on Nov. 29.

Actually I too think Wells Fargo may be the real criminals in this story, but how does Florida Man not make it rain in this situation? I know I would! Next let’s go overseas to Thailand. Now Japan gets most of the credit for the world’s craziest stories, but I think Thailand might top them on this one. Tooth whitening is a thing. But somehow I don’t think Crest makes products for this!

A supposed trend of penis whitening has captivated Thailand in recent days and left it asking if the country's beauty industry is taking things too far.
The original Facebook post from the clinic offering the treatment, which uses lasers to break down melanin in the skin, was shared more than 19,000 times within two days.
The ministry warned about possible side effects such as pain, inflammation or scars and even effects on the reproductive system and on having sex.

Stopping treatment would cause the skin colour to return to normal and may result in "nasty-looking spots", the ministry said.


That’s the perfect expression for this one! Seriously what the fuck is up with Asian countries and doing strange things to one’s penis? We may never know the answer to that one. Moving on! Let’s go to England next where they lost a replica of a religious relic and it’s truly insane.

A Bible-themed floating museum meant to be a replica of Noah's Ark went adrift from the port of Urk early Wednesday afternoon. The VerhalenArk, also called the "Ark of Noah" in English, crashed into several ships in the harbor along the shore of the IJsselmeer lake.

Several people and animals were aboard the vessel at the time it broke free of its moorings, De Stentor reported. Seven people were rescued off the museum, but the animals remained into the evening.
Wind gusts of about 107 kilometers per hour were reported just north of Urk at the time of the accident. Gusts nearing 119 km/h were measured in the middle of the lake, according to Weerplaza.

The Ark ripped a post out of the ground and nearly floated away last month. "We did the maximum we could, but apparently it was not enough. This morning there was a big gust of wind and there it went," a port representative told the broadcaster. They planned to actively investigate what went wrong.


Man a lot of dumb people internationally making the rounds! We could do a world tour just with all the crazy news in this piece! So next we go to India. So is naming the city that you happen to be traveling to – Bombay – really in need of calling airport police? Really? Is that where we’re at in 2018? And we’re not even a week in!

An Indian man charged with making an airport bomb threat says he was misheard when asking about his Bombay-to-Delhi flight.

Vinod Moorjani, 45, is accused of saying "bomb hai" [there is a bomb] during a call with the authorities at Mumbai International Airport on Sunday.

But he says he was asking about the status of his "Bom-Del" flight. Mumbai was formerly known as Bombay.
But Mr Moorjani, a businessman and CEO of a US company, says he hung up because of a disturbance on the phone line.


Finally for this week’s People Are Dumb – tigers! So you know what people? Don’t smuggle endangered species into American borders. I mean did you see The Hangover?

(CNN) — A California man has been charged with smuggling a Bengal tiger cub into the United States from Mexico. He told investigators he wanted to keep the tiger as a pet, the United States Attorney's Office said.

Under federal law, all species of tigers -- including Bengal tigers -- are endangered species. A Fish and Wildlife Service permit is required to import any species listed under the Endangered Species Act.

Luis Eudoro Valencia, 18, of Perris, California, told federal authorities he bought the tiger cub on August 21 for $300 from a man he saw on a Tijuana street walking a full-size tiger on a leash.

That’s it this week for:

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[font size="8"]World Tour 2018 Destination #1: Spain
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Part of our mission statement here at the Top 10 Conservative Idiots is to show you that conservative idiocy isn’t just a problem with America. No, it’s a global problem that is stemming far and wide, and it’s not just America where conservative idiots ruin everything they touch. And if you’re thinking of moving out of the United States just because Donald J. Trump is our current president and our nation is turning to shit, you should know what it is you’re getting into should you decide that you want to leave the country. Normally this is that part where we recap the previous trips, but this is a new year and a new tour, we’re starting off fresh! Here’s the tour schedule:

[font size="6"]Spain[/font]

We are back on the road! Like I said it’s a new tour and we are starting off fresh. Ah it’s good to be back in Europe everybody! So let’s talk about Spain. It’s one of earth’s oldest civilizations, and you would know that if you played the game Civilization. You’d also know that it’s home to a world wonder – one of the world’s oldest forts, Alhambra. Which served as a royal court for Queen Isabella after the Spanish Conquistador in the 1400s. Of course the dominant sport in Spain is none other than football, and Spain is home to one of Europe’s most dominant leagues – La Liga! Which is the home to such teams as FC Barcelona, Sevilla, Valencia, Levante, and Real Sociedad. Of course outside of FC Barcelona, I have no idea who is on any of these teams. And Spanish food and culture is amazing too. Most people think Spanish food is Tapas – and a lot of it is – but real Spanish food is Paella, and I have an amazing bowl of it right in front of me! Oh come on, if you think I’m going to do a bit on Spain without eating a giant bowl of Paella, and some traditional Spanish dancers behind me, you don’t know this show! Yes, sir, and I will fight you for it! I mean come on it’s the start of a new season here, we’re breaking it in! But the capital – Barcelona, is also in the Spanish region of Catalan, which if you have noticed is in the news quite a lot lately, but for what reason?

“Could either of you tell me the unemployment rate in Catalonia?” Jordi Évole asked Inés Arrimadas and Marta Rovira on his TV show Salvados in what became the inaugural debate of Catalonia’s December 21 regional-election campaign, held just nine days before the vote.

“I think it’s around 19–20 percent,” Arrimadas, the leader in Catalonia of the right-wing Ciudadanos party, said before noting that it depended on whether one used statistics collected by the national organization or by the regional, Catalan organization. “I agree,” Rovira, secretary-general of the center-left Left Republican party (ERC), replied, adding that the Catalan economy had shown signs of recovery in October. “There I disagree,” Arrimadas shot back. “The October numbers have been very bad for Catalonia because the unemployment rate in Catalonia has increased at twice the rate of the rest of Spain.” Évole interjected to avoid a shouting match: “I just asked for the figure.” That figure, he revealed, was 12.5 percent.

Yeah holy shit! So Spain has a right wing nationalist problem just like we do! Do they wave guns and claim to worship Jesus as much as we do? I hope not! Now you might be thinking “it’s all well and good, but how do Spain’s football stars feel about this?”. Well I answer you good sir / madam with this:

Lionel Messi has ensured he could become a free agent if Barcelona no longer plays in a major European league as a result of Catalan independence, Spanish media wrote on Friday. Messi According to a report in Madrid daily El Mundo, the contract Messi signed last November includes a clause that he must remain a Barcelona player only as long as the club is playing in “a top-level European league.” A source at Barcelona told AFP that “for reasons of confidentiality the club never comments on contractual relations with players.” Catalonian nationalists proclaimed independence from Spain after a referendum on October 1, precipitating a crisis which is still unresolved.

I like that one! But this whole Catalonia thing isn’t going away. You know this scenario is one to watch as it’s an indicator of what it might be like should my home state of California or anywhere on the West Coast try to secede:

“Could either of you tell me the unemployment rate in Catalonia?” Jordi Évole asked Inés Arrimadas and Marta Rovira on his TV show Salvados in what became the inaugural debate of Catalonia’s December 21 regional-election campaign, held just nine days before the vote.

“I think it’s around 19–20 percent,” Arrimadas, the leader in Catalonia of the right-wing Ciudadanos party, said before noting that it depended on whether one used statistics collected by the national organization or by the regional, Catalan organization. “I agree,” Rovira, secretary-general of the center-left Left Republican party (ERC), replied, adding that the Catalan economy had shown signs of recovery in October. “There I disagree,” Arrimadas shot back. “The October numbers have been very bad for Catalonia because the unemployment rate in Catalonia has increased at twice the rate of the rest of Spain.” Évole interjected to avoid a shouting match: “I just asked for the figure.” That figure, he revealed, was 12.5 percent.

Bet you didn’t think it was going to be him did you? I mean in Russia’s bizarre quest for world domination through internet memes (hey! That’s our job! ), of course you can count on false information to be spread. Like the possibility of Trump simply ridding himself of his Puerto Rico problem and returning the island back to Spain:

Whatever surface plausibility the article may have had stemmed from strained relations between the United States and Puerto Rico in the aftermath of Hurricane Maria in September 2017. The territory was devastated by the storm, which left millions without power and basic necessities for months. The Trump administration was criticized by many inside and outside Puerto Rico for what was termed an inadequate, too-slow response to the crisis. President Trump said the government’s response compared favorably to that in past hurricanes and told Puerto Ricans the effort had thrown the federal budget “out of whack.”

Although El Nuevo Día is a reputable daily newspaper, a number of clues point to the information being false. For one, no such plan has been reported by any mainstream news outlets anywhere in the world but El Nuevo Día. For another, the agreement has not come up for public debate or voting in Congress, despite the claim that it “enjoys overwhelming support” there. Additionally, there is no U.S. Senator from Alabama (or any other state) named Luke McCullen. (The article also names a fictional U.S. Ambassador to Spain, “Cletus Ryder.” The actual ambassador, confirmed by the Senate in November 2017, is Duke Buchan.)

A disclaimer at the bottom of the article revealed that the story is, in fact, a prank:

So that might actually be fake news!! Yes! A real life example of what passes for fake news everybody, bravo, Spain, well done!!! Oh, oh the kids love fake news don’t they? But you know part of the reason we did this whole World Tour thing is we really want to educate you as to what you’re getting into should you decide to leave the US to see how the rest of the world lives, and should you decide to move to Spain, well, here’s what you’re in for.

Local property tax rates vary, dependent mainly on the size of the town, said María L. de Castro, director at Costaluz Lawyers in Cádiz, Spain. “The rate ranges from 0.4% to 1.1% of the cadastral value” of the property, she said. Cadastral value, which usually is lower than market value, is “an objectively determined administrative value for each property based on data in the real estate cadaster,” she explained.

When buying a property, be sure to verify that all previous local property taxes have been paid, Ms. De Castro advised. Otherwise they will become your responsibility upon purchase.

A nonresident who owns a Spanish property also has to file yearly income tax. If you rent out your property, you would need to report the rental income and pay 24% of the rentals to the Spanish Tax Office, said Vera Liprandi, partner and office director of the Tenerife branch of De Cotta Law in Spain.

Except he doesn’t drink. Maybe someone could hold his Diet Coke. Ah, who am I kidding? Trump doesn’t need Spain to justify his crazy, he’s just born that way! But while Spain is rasslin’ over the Catalonia lands, the Canary Islands goes to say: “Hold my beer”!

Among them is the Canary Islands, a Spanish territory about 100 kilometers off the North African coast.

Conquered by the Kingdom of Castile in the late 15th century, the archipelago was granted a substantial degree of autonomy by Madrid through bilateral treaties, under which it was allowed to have its own military and currency.

However, in 1873, when Spain saw the establishment of its first republic, Madrid unilaterally nullified its treaty with the Canary Islands and tried to assimilate it into the rest of the country.

It wasn’t until the founding of the left-wing second republic in Spain in the 1930s that the degree of autonomy was once again restored in the Canary Islands.

[font size="6"]The Verdict & Scorecard[/font]

USA: “This is the craziest political turmoil we’ve ever seen in our nation’s history.” Spain: “Hold my beer…”.

Tourism: A+
Culture: A+
Political Spectrum: D-
Liberal Appeal: B+

Overall: C

[font size="6"]Next Week[/font]

Next week we’re heading off to – yeah go ahead, insert your own Polish joke here – because that’s where we are headed to – Poland!

[font size="8"]And Now This:[/font]
[font size="8”]Primus[/font]

Ladies and gentlemen my good friend Les Claypool has returned to the show! And this time he’s brought his friends Larry and Tim, and of course I’m talking about the one, the only Primus! Playing their song “The Seven” from their new album “The Desaturating Seven”, please welcome Primus!

Yeah how about that?

See you next week!


Host: Initech
Top 10 Conservative Idiots Recorded In Front Of Live Audience At: UCB Theater, Hollywood, CA
Special Thanks To: UCB Theater Management
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Videos: All videos copyright belongs to respective copyright holders
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Writing: Top 10 Writing Department
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Initech’s Wardrobe Provided By: JAB Inc.
Wheel Of Corruption By: Studio 1 Stage Props, Burbank, CA
Spain Hosting: Catalonia Producciones Empresas, Barcelona
Primus Appear Courtesy Of: Prawn Song Records
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Reply Top 10 Conservative Idiots #4-1: Crazy Equals Stable Genius Edition (Edition #99!) (Original post)
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Wed Jan 10, 2018, 06:10 PM

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