Top Ten Conservative Idiots (No. 109)
Administration Misinformation Edition
damn lies, and the Bush administration. Yup, the folks who
were supposed to be as honest as the day is long seem recently
to have been going out of their way to lay the BS on extra-thick.
Top of the chart this week we have Team Bush Misinformation
Squad, a group of individuals who've been desperately spinning
the Top Gun story. Then we discover that the Bush Administration
(2) have been lying to us about weapons of mass destruction
all along. And there's George W. Bush (3) himself lying to
us about his hydrogen-powered car initiative. But it's not
all liars this week, no sir. Check out Ted Nugent (5) who
is either incredibly naive or just plain stupid (we're going
with the latter) and John Mott (7) a cop on a patriotic mission
to destroy critical thinking at all costs. Yup, the idiocy
runs the gamut this week, so enjoy, and as usual, here's the
Bush Misinformation Squad
Looks like Our Great Leader's Great Money-Wasting Top Gun
Photo-Op may have backfired on him. After Dubya made his carrier
landing two weeks ago, a lot of people have been asking such
questions as: how much money did this little exercise cost?
Why did Ari Fleischer originally
say that the Abraham Lincoln was hundreds of miles offshore
when it was actually only 30 miles away? And if that was the
case, why take a Viking when a helicopter would have done?
Why was the carrier ordered to cruise
around in circles when it saw land, instead of heading
home so the sailors could be with their families? (Idiot answer
from Navy chief of information Rear Admiral Stephen R. Pietropaoli:
"We're not doing the families any favors by tricking
them and coming in sooner.") And why was Dubya dressed
like some kind of third-world military leader? The flight
suit question has been vexing conservatives who claim that
Dubya had to get togged up like that to fly on the
Viking. As Ari the Liar put it at a press
briefing last week, "If you noticed, everybody who
came off the Viking wore a flight suit, as you were required
to wear a flight suit if you were going to participate in
a flight on the Viking. That is what you wear if you're on
a Viking." Funny, because when Republican congressman
Mike Pence was asked on CNN's Crossfire if he had to
wear a flight suit when he made a tail-hook landing on the
aircraft carrier Harry S. Truman, he replied,
"If they offered me one and if I could fit in, I would
have put it on in a heartbeat." How peculiar!
The secret's out at last: "senior Bush administration
officials" have admitted that "Saddam Hussein probably
had no weapons of mass destruction," and would be "amazed"
if they found any, according
to the British newspaper The Sunday Herald. The
Herald reported last week that "According to administration
sources, Saddam shut down and destroyed large parts of his
WMD programmes before the invasion of Iraq." And yet
the Herald also notes that in a speech given soon after
this information was leaked, Bush claimed that, "Saddam
Hussein had weapons of mass destruction. We will find them."
So there you have it - the Bush administration's misinformation
steamroller continues to crush the truth beneath its mighty
wheels. And there's a faint voice in the back of my mind which
keeps repeating the forgotten phrase restoring honesty
and integrity to the White House. What a joke.
Remember when Bush promised during his last State of the Union
speech that he would spend $1.2 billion so ensure that we
would all soon be driving around in non-polluting hydrogen-powered
cars? It wouldn't be a stretch to say that some people were
a tad surprised at Dubya's sudden embrace of all things eco-friendly.
But as always with the Bush administration, there's a twist.
last week that despite the fact that hydrogen can easily be
obtained from water (you know, that stuff that covers 70%
of the planet) Bush's $1.2 billion dollars would be going
straight back to his buddies in the fossil fuel industries.
Yep, Dubya plans to give a large handout to his corporate
donors, by ensuring that "up to 90 percent of all hydrogen
will be refined from oil, natural gas, and other fossil fuels
- in a process using energy generated by burning oil, coal,
and natural gas." So - Bush's hydrogen-powered car scheme
is nothing more than a giant scam to benefit polluters. Why
aren't we surprised?
Looks like GOP Senators have hit upon a fantastic way to cover
the cost of Bush's latest insane tax cut for millionaires
- simply raise taxes elsewhere! According
to the Washington Post, "All told, committee members
approved more than 30 tax increases or other revenue raisers
to help fund their tax cuts in other areas, including dividends."
Brilliant! Give a massive tax cut to the rich, create a massive
deficit, propose more tax cuts for the rich, and then
propose raising taxes on people such as Americans working
overseas to cover the cost. What is it about the Republican
party and their animal desire to hand as much money as possible
to millionaires? Oh, that's right - they get it all back in
contributions when campaign season rolls around again.
Perhaps Ted Nugent isn't the best person to be hosting a discussion
on race relations in America in the year 2003. Appearing on
Denver's 103.5 FM Lewis & Floorwax morning show, The Nuge
pontificated on Japanese-made guitars, referring to them as
"Japs." When the hosts of the show called him on
the use of the word, Nugent couldn't
resist and let all of Denver know that words such as "Jap,"
"Gook," and "Nigger" were, hey, just words
and shouldn't offend anyone. Ted was apparently baffled to
discover that people are offended by these words -
namely Asians and African Americans. Who would've thought
it? But presumably Ted thinks that Asians and African Americans
who are offended by racial slurs are just highly-strung and
over-reacting. See, according to Ted, "Political correctness
has brought America to its knees." Man, I almost feel
sorry for that poor downtrodden white male multi-millionaire.
He just can't catch a break.
Oakland High School Teacher
From the "Watch What You Say" files, #5892375: a
teacher at Oakland High School, CA, recently reported
two students to the Secret Service after remarks they
made about George W. Bush in a classroom discussion of the
war in Iraq. The Secret Service then showed up at the high
school and interrogated the students with neither legal counsel
nor their parents present. The interrogation took place in
the presence of the school principal, who, when asked by the
students if they had the right to remain silent or the right
to an attorney, allegedly replied, "We own you, you don't
have any legal rights." Remember when the classroom used
to be a place for learning and the free expression of ideas?
Not any more, my friends. Welcome to Bush's America. Keep
your mouth shut, look straight ahead, and don't say anything
bad about Our Great Leader or they'll send the goon squad
to have a quiet word in your ear. Note to conservatives who
think that liberals want to turn America into the Soviet Union:
are you blind?
Oakland High School isn't the only high school to have received
unwarranted attention from conservative zealots in recent
weeks. Take Spaulding High School, VT, for example, which
the victim of some unconstitutional police surveillance. John
Mott is a police officer in Barre Town, Vermont, who broke
into Spaulding High School in the middle of the night to take
pictures of the public issues classroom on his personal camera.
He was on duty at the time. Why did Mott feel the need to
do this? Because apparently public issues teacher Tom Treece,
an ardent pacifist, "offended him as an American and
a retired military man" and Mott wanted to show the world
what was going on in his classroom. Which is, apparently,
some incredibly dangerous propaganda. Are you ready for this?
Treece says "I tell kids from day one: I don't want you
to agree with me, I want you to be informed and think for
yourselves. I have never squashed dissent in my class in any
way shape or form. Defend what you believe and if you can't
defend it I’m going to pick holes in your argument no
matter what side of the issue you're on." I can see why
Mott was so offended. I mean, teaching kids that dissent is
okay? Teaching them to think for themselves? The right-wing
must be horrified.
Perhaps if Our Great Leader stopped wasting the military's
time and started paying attention to what his kids were up
to, he'd actually have a leg to stand on when he preaches
family values to the rest of America. It was alleged
last week by "That 70's Show" actor Ashton Kutcher
that Jenna and Barbara Bush can't get enough of the evil weed.
Apparently Kutcher witnessed the twins drinking (they were
underage at the time) and hitting his friend's bong at a party
a year and a half ago. So, George - it looks like your cunning
plan to avoid revealing all your "youthful indiscretions"
in order to prevent your children from making the same mistakes
is really paying off, eh?
And there's more. Our Great Leader's Great Brother made a
teary speech in front of a statewide drug court graduation
ceremony last week, saying "he hoped to watch his daughter
complete the program soon," according
to the Associated Press. Things got a little emotional for
Jeb as he blubbed, "I'm going to be sitting soon, I hope,
as a loving and proud father, with you." And while I'm
sure that watching his daughter graduate from drug court will
be one of the proudest moments of Jeb's life - I mean, it's
gotta be better than when his wife got
busted smuggling $19,000 worth of clothes and jewelry
through Customs - just what the hell is it with these moralizing,
holier-than-thou conservatives and their junkie kids?
And finally, boom - just like that, the king is dead. It was
last week that Jay Garner, the US civil administrator of Iraq,
is outtathere. He will be replaced by "career diplomat"
Paul Bremer, who, as a career diplomat, presumably won't go
around saying things like "We ought to be beating our
chests every day. We ought to look in a mirror and get proud
and stick out our chests and suck in our bellies and say:
'Damn, we're Americans!'." (See Idiots
108). So it's goodbye King Jay I of Iraq and hello King
Paul I of Iraq - here's hoping you last a little longer than
your predecessor. But don't worry about Jay - I'm sure he'll
be beating his chest and sucking in his belly all the way
home. See you next week!
a Conservative for Next Week's List