Top Ten Conservative Idiots (No. 89)
Second Election Countdown Edition
penultimate Idiots before the elections has brought us a curiously
low turnout of campaign-related idiocy. But it's okay, because
our old friend George W. Bush is back in charge, crashing
into the list three times this week. Unfortunately he can't
quite squeeze into the top spot - that's reserved for the
White House and their interesting email forwarding policies.
The Tennessee Republican Party (3) are indulging in arch-hypocrisy
this week, Scott Jensen and Steven Foti (5) are key members
of the party of law and order, and Rita Cosby (8) has some
kind words for a serial killer. Finally, Dennis Cleary (10)
is a candidate that literally everyone loves to hate.
Enjoy, and as usual, don't forget the key.
Look out - this is really dumb! Last week Fernando
Oaxaca, former chairman of the Republican National Hispanic
Assembly, emailed a memo to Republicans nationwide, including
some White House officials. A senior Bush aide liked the memo
so much that he ordered a junior aide to send it to Hispanic
Republican activists. Unfortunately, the junior aide managed
to send it to Hispanic Democrats instead. So what's the problem?
the problem: the memo - which, remember, was officially forwarded
by the White House - called Senator Robert Byrd "doddering
old Bob Byrd, the senile senator from West Virginia"
and called Hispanic House Democrats "self-centered, do-nothing,
$150,000/year plus perks yo-yo's," adding, in reference to
the vote on Dubya's Iraq resolution, "If they have a defense
for their actions they should deliver it to the kids in uniform
that could one day have their ass shot off to protect these
ninnies!" How sweet. Democrats were understandably pissed,
and the White House was forced to issue a formal apology.
Funny, we thought that according to George W. Bush, the Iraq
vote wasn't supposed to be about politics...
In a related
email-screwup story, George W. Bush last week personally sent
out an email soliciting campaign donations. Unfortunately
the email, which was intended for GOP supporters, managed
to find its way into the inboxes of several federal employees
at their .gov email addresses. Which is, in the words of Henry
Waxman, ranking Democrat on the House Government Reform Committee,
"Obviously inappropriate, obviously illegal, and obviously
a reflection that the administration will do anything to raise
campaign dollars." Well, obviously!
Tennessee Republican Party
You know how Republicans are always going on about Democrats
committing voter fraud and other such nonsense? Well check
out. The Tennessee GOP have been mailing out postcards to
senior citizens telling them how to apply for an absentee
ballot. Are the Democrats doing this? No, because they were
advised that it was illegal. Apparently it's a misdemeanor
to "solicit anyone to vote absentee." The Tennessee
GOP's lame excuse? It's not a solicitation. Hmm. Meanwhile,
according to KnoxNews.com, "The GOP also is encouraging
Republican lawyers to pursue suspected vote fraud to the point
of seeking court action." How about that for hypocrisy?
Finally, the press is reporting what we knew all along - that
George W. Bush will blatantly lie for political gain. Remember
the 2000 election, when reporters were falling over themselves
to brand Al Gore a serial liar, and George got a free pass?
Well it's about time somebody called him on his nonsense.
Writing in the Washington Post, Dana Milbank reported
last week that Dubya told at least three whoppers in his recent
speech to the nation, as he tried to persuade America to fall
into line and invade Iraq. For example, George claimed that
Saddam has unmanned aircraft that could attack the United
States, that Iraq is six months away from developing a nuclear
weapon, and that Iraq could attack with terrorists groups
"on any given day." A quick check of the facts reveals
these statements to be, well, completely untrue. But then,
it's not like he has an obligation to get this kind of thing
right, you know? I mean, it's just a war...
Jensen and Steven Foti
The Republican Party. The party of law and order. The party
of personal responsibility. The party of truth, justice and
the American Way. And, of course, the party of felony arrests
for misconduct in office. Wisconsin Assembly Speaker Scott
Jensen and Assembly Majority Leader Steven Foti were charged
last week for taking part in "Wisconsin's biggest political
corruption scandal in modern history," according to the
Milwaukee Sentinel-Journal. Turns out that these two
distinguished Republicans committed a variety of campaign-related
for which they're now in deep trouble. But then what do you
expect from the party of honesty, integrity, dignity...
...and let's not forget, of course, the party of dirty, dirty
tricks. Bob Poe, chairman of the Florida Democratic Party,
got a phone call last week "urging him to cast his absentee
ballot on Nov. 10 - five days after Election Day," according
to the South Florida Sun-Sentinel. The phone call appeared
to come from a call center, and the caller claimed to be from
Bill McBride's gubernatorial campaign. Oh really... so Bill
McBride has workers calling Floridians telling them to cast
their ballots when it's far too late for them to be counted?
Yeah, I bet. I'm sure it's not some kind of scam by Republicans
to trick people into voting late. Bob Poe has asked John Ashcroft
to investigate where the call came from, meanwhile Jeb Bush
and the Florida Republican Party say they had nothing to do
with the call. And hell, that should be good enough for Ashcroft.
Nothing to see here, folks, move along...
2002: Visit Jeb Bush's Democratic opponent, Bill
Pop quiz: why would GOP activist Dave Wilson be cold-calling
Republican voters in Houston and urging them not to
vote a straight Republican ticket on November 5? Think you've
got the answer? Let's see. If you said it's because Dave Wilson
is a raging homophobe - congratulations, you're right. Wilson's
target is Alex Wathen, candidate for justice of the peace,
who also happens to be president of the Houston chapter of
the Log Cabin Republicans. In a recorded message to Republican
voters, Wilson urges
them to "vote principles over party politics." (Which
is going to be pretty tough for a party without any principles
whatsoever.) Heck, if Wathen loses, it's no skin off our noses.
It's just that calling for people to vote against a candidate
of whichever party because of their sexual orientation is,
How low will Fox News go for a story? Pretty low.
Before the Washington DC-area serial sniper was caught, Fox
reporter Rita Cosby decided to try and solve the crime all
by herself - with just a little help from the Son of Sam.
Cosby wrote to killer David Berkowitz to ask for his help
catching the sniper (of course, she wasn't at all motivated
by a thirst for ratings) saying, "Your personal story and
spiritual growth inspired me to write to you." Incidentally,
Rita Cosby also corresponded with Timothy McVeigh before his
execution. Not bad. I wonder if, in say twenty years time
there is another publicized serial killing, Rita Cosby will
be writing to John Allen Muhammad praising him for
his "personal story" and "spiritual growth?"
Wouldn't bet against it.
Guess what George W. Bush was doing while he was working full
time on his father's presidential campaign in 1988? That's
right - he was sitting on the board of directors at Harken
Energy and overseeing complex trades with - you guessed
it - Enron. Poppy Bush's campaign even paid for Dubya to fly
to Texas and New York, and were then reimbursed by Harken
afterwards. Sounds like a nice cosy relationship, eh? And
there was poor George, trying to pretend he never even knew
Ken Lay. Funny really - for a man who said he didn't even
want to see an "appearance of impropriety" in his
administration, he sure has his sticky fingers in a lot of
And finally: if this doesn't cheer you up, nothing will. Check
out Dennis Cleary, who is seeking a seventh term as a State
Representative in Connecticut. Mr. Cleary is facing an interesting
foe in his battle for re-election - his own family. That's
right, Cleary's own mother, brother and sister have endorsed
his rival for the upcoming election. And not only that, they've
taken out a newspaper ad which reads, "We're tired of Dennis...
Are you?" and calls him "corrupt" and "self-serving."
Ah, family. See you next week!
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