Top Ten Conservative Idiots (No. 72)
Propping Up The Barr Edition
Barr is a whining ass. And we can prove it - check out Bob's
entry at the top of this week's list. The White House scrapes
into second place this week with its lame-duck vandalism story,
and Dubya (3) makes yet another appearance, this time for
throwing the Bill of Rights out of the window (again). Meanwhile
S. Vance Wilkins (5) loses his job, the Stockton Unified School
Board (7) perform some serious boot-licking, Ohio State University
(8) teach their students that it's not a good idea to protest
a dictator, and Ernest Scott gets banged up, and for good
measure. Have fun! (And as usual, don't forget the key.)
Here it is folks - possibly the most egregious piece of conservative
idiocy we have ever witnessed here at Democratic Underground.
(And boy, have we seen some conservative idiocy.) Last week
it was revealed that Bob Barr has filed suit against Bill
Clinton, Larry Flynt and James Carville for - wait for it
- "loss of reputation and emotional distress" during
the impeachment debacle of 1998. Unbelievable but true.
Barr is claiming "injury in his person and property,"
alleging that Clinton, Flynt and Carville conspired to "hinder
[the plaintiff] in the lawful discharge of his duties." Now
the poor guy wants $30 million to soothe his hurt feelings.
Now, is it just us, or is this disgustingly frivolous lawsuit
the height of pathetic hypocrisy? Hopefully Clinton, Flynt
and Carville will slap counter-suits on Crybaby Bob's sniveling
ass faster than you can say, "Screw you, Bob Barr."
Utter, utter, utter, utter morons. Remember the White House
vandalism story? (See Idiots passim). Of course you do. Last
week the GAO released its final
report on the matter which basically said that the damage
left behind by Clinton staffers was not much worse than the
damage left behind by Bush staffers in 1993. Big whoop. The
Bush White House is of course furious with the report, because
they want everyone to know just what a big old meanie that
rotten Bill Clinton was, and how horrible his staff were.
The cost of damage was estimated at $13,000-14,000, but only
if you include 62 new keyboards at $80 (yes, $80) each, and
"professional cleaning" (as if they weren't going
to have the White House cleaned anyway.) Meanwhile the investigation
is estimated to have cost the taxpayer around $200,000, so
we hope that the GOP shit-stirrers behind this are pleased
with themselves. And isn't it funny that the administration
will hand over reams of documents and make staffers fully
available for something this petty (c'mon guys, I thought
we were at war!), but when it comes to Dick Cheney's
secret energy meetings: nothing. It's just more proof that
Republicans will do anything to bring down the Big
Dog, and screw morals and responsibilities. So much for "get
So, farewell then, Bill of Rights, it was fun while it lasted.
The Bush administration announced last week that they'd -
shock! - arrested a terrorist! And he was armed with - horror!
- a dirty bomb! At least that's what you'd think if you read
some of last week's headlines. It is true that they
arrested a suspected Al Qaeda member a MONTH ago and decided
to release the story last week as breaking news, meanwhile
the dirty bomb was apparently still in the "discussion
phase." Now if this guy is indeed a member of Al Qaeda
who was in fact plotting to blow up a radiological device
in a US city, then he should be thrown in the slammer for
a good long time. But in this country we have (or we used
to have) a little thing called "trial by jury" -
you can find it in the Constitution under the Sixth Amendment.
So how does this "justice" thing work
under the Bush Police State? Abdullah al Muhajir, the aforementioned
accused terrorist, is a former street thug who was born and
raised in Brooklyn, NY, and is an American citizen. But he
has been designated a "combatant" at the sole discretion
of George W. Bush. Now he is being held at a secret location
by the military, without access to a lawyer, and could remain
there indefinitely - as in forever - without a trial.
It's okay though - the terrorists hate us for our freedoms
right? So the obvious answer is to just get rid of those freedoms
altogether. Good thinking, George!
It was reported last week that Grover Norquist and "other
prominent Republican lobbyists" have been working on
a little report they call "The K Street Project."
And what's the point of the K Street Project? Well, to make
it easy for the White House and GOP lawmakers to ignore left-leaning
lobbyists. Here's the deal: Norquist and his evil cohorts
have been compiling a list big thick list of lobbyists' party
affiliations and political contributions so that they can,
to the Washington Post, "deny government access
and prime lobbying jobs to Democrats... The idea is to alert
GOP officials and staff members to Republicans who 'deserve'
such access and to Democrats who don't, said one lobbyist
involved." Sen. Harry Reid (D-NV) was understandably
asking George W. Bush to condemn the project and telling the
Senate that Bush "wanted to change the tone in Washington,
but today we learn he's working in tandem with those keeping
secret lists of people's personal activity." And in typically
nonsensical fashion, Ari Fleischer responded thus: Bush has
no plan to condemn the project because "he's not part of it."
Fleischer, what on earth does that mean, you muppet?
Vance Wilkins, Jr.
Virginia's House Speaker S. Vance Wilkins Jr. made it on to
the list in the number 7 spot last week after revelations
that he paid $100,000 to stave off a sexual harrassment lawsuit.
But he leaps two places this week after a second woman
came forward and announced
that Wilkins felt her up at a party six months ago. And lo
and behold, the old pervert was forced to resign last week
after GOP lawmakers lined up to take pot shots and call for
his job. What is it with Republican House Speakers
and illicit groping, anyway?
W. Bush (again)
We should be all familiar with the Chimp's hilarious "trifecta"
joke by now, when he said that only in times of war, as a
result of a recession, or in times of national emergency would
his administration run up deficits. (Guess what, he hit the
trifecta. Ha ha.) But unfortunately for King George, he's
been telling fibs about when he said it. See, Bush insists
that he made his deficits prediction before his election,
while he was campaigning. And the administration has been
constantly giving the impression that this was Bush's position
all along. Sorry - it's bullpoop.
Unified School Board
for sucking-up? The Stockton Unified School Board voted 4-3
last week to become the first district in the country to name
a school after Dubya. The name itself is actually quite endearing
- George W. Bush Elementrary School does have a certain je
ne sais quois. But unfortunately the school board wasn't
doing it for the kids. One of the four (all Republicans) who
voted for the name said that "I'll be honest: Choosing
(Bush's) name is politically motivated, because I am a conservative...
The best way for me to characterize my vote for George Bush
is that is really for something bigger than George Bush. It's
kind of an 'America now' vote. Through that vote, I was attempting
in some way to articulate my patriotism, love of country,
deference and respect for the current president and the huge
task that faces him." Wow! Would you like a handkerchief
to get some of that brown off of your nose?
Throw some more grease on the slippery slope towards fascism:
here comes George W. Bush to make the commencement address
at Ohio State University. Students planned a peaceful protest;
the idea was to turn and face in the opposite direction as
Bush made his speech. But since the chimp is to be protected
from dissent at all times, students were instructed via loudspeaker
that, "all the university's speakers deserve to be treated
with respect and that anyone demonstrating or heckling would
be subject to expulsion and arrest," according
to CBS News. Yep, expulsion
and arrest. Land of the free, my buttocks.
And lookee: here's
another great conservative morals and values story. Last week
Republican City Councilman Ernest Scott Jr. of Norristown,
PA, was arrested after 13 of his family's properties were
raided. Why? Because the cops found "42 pounds of marijuana
and $12,000 in cash, along with guns, jewelry, cocaine and
22 vehicles." Tsk! Those silly Republicans and their
drug-running operations. When will they ever learn? Apparently
some residents believe that the arrest was political, and
that race was a factor because the Scotts are black. Although
it could have been something to do with all the drugs
And Finally, while the rest of us are busy worrying about
the all-important War on Terror, it seems that Bush uber-advisor
Karl Rove is fighting a war of a different sort. Last week
he issued his call
to arms: "This is a war, and we need to make an ongoing
commitment to winning the effort to repeal the death tax."
You read that right. Kinda cheapens all the "war"
talk about Afghanistan and Al Qaeda, don't it? Gives you some
idea where the Republican's values lie. While the sons and
daughters of the poor and working class are putting their
lives on the line in Afghanistan, Karl is fighting for a massive
tax break for a group of people who don't know the meaning
of the word "sacrifice." United we stand... Suckers.
See you next week!
a Conservative for Next Week's List