Top Ten Conservative Idiots (Week 18)
In It For The Bunny Edition
And they just keep coming, folks. George W. Bush (1) rebounds
from a couple of recent lackluster performances on the chart
with a hair-raising display of downright scary behavior, brother
Jeb (2) leaps back onto the chart thanks to a series of fascinating
adultery allegations, and Jim Gilmore (3) announces National
Racism Month. Meanwhile Harvey Pitt (5) brings honor and integrity
to the SEC, and Dick Posthumus (8) goes after Detroit's inner-city
W. Bush - LAST
WEEK: 3 Weeks on chart: 15
- It looks like GW might have had the right idea about
staying away from press conferences. Last week, after
giving a statement about Timothy McVeigh, the Twit took
some questions from a surprisingly stern press corp.
Shifting his weight from toe to toe behind the podium,
Bush looked increasingly uncomfortable - and not unlike
a small child who was being reprimanded by his parents.
So what is the solution to the nation's energy
crisis, George? If you guessed "tax cut,"
you'd be right. See how this works? Energy prices rise,
the Chimp gives you a tax cut, and you give it straight
back to his oil buddies. Aren't they already
showing record profits? And now he wants us to give
our tax refund to them as well as being gouged?
Is he really that dumb that he thinks we're going
to fall for it? Meanwhile, George continued his tradition
of undercutting members of his own administration by
talking up conservation as part of a possible solution
to the energy crisis - a complete turnaround from Dick
Cheney's statements just one week earlier. But the darkest
and most disturbing moment of the question-and-answer
session came when Bush was asked: "Mr. President,
you would not equate the baby that was killed in retaliatory
Israeli fire in the Gaza Strip with the thirteen and
fourteen year old Jewish boys, one of them a U.S. citizen,
who were tied up, beaten to death, and mutilated near
Tekoa would you?" - Bush laughed. Then he
caught the reporter's eye and tried to collect himself,
mumbling "Uh... I was kinda smiling cause like
it kinda sounded like an editorial." Whatever that
means. See it here
(21 minutes and 12 seconds into the video). Oh, and
make sure you have a bucket handy.
Bush - RETURN!
Weeks on chart: 6 - The Tallahassee Democrat
reported last month that Jeb Bush has discounted rumors
that he will not seek a second term, although apparently
he needs another month to fully decide what he's going
to do. Presumably this has something to do with the
rumors of his affair with Cynthia Henderson, a former
Playboy bunny who Jeb appointed to various positions
in Florida government. Interestingly, DU reported in
Idiots Week 9 that Jeb Bush might not seek reelection
for the sake of his wife (she doesn't like Tallahassee.)
But if the allegations of an affair are true it will
surely have a detrimental effect on Jeb's already slim
chances in 2002. Which may ultimately leave him with
no job - and no wife. How ironic!
Gilmore - RETURN!
Weeks on chart: 4
- Last Wednesday Jim Gilmore, the Virginia Governor
and head of the RNC, boldly signed a decree declaring
May to be "European-American Heritage and History Month,"
on behalf of the National Organization for European-American
Rights. But on Thursday he was force to do and abrupt
U-turn and rescind the decree. Why? Well, if had he
checked his facts before signing the decree,
Gilmore would have discovered that the National Organization
for European-American Rights is headed by ex-Klan leader
David Duke. Whoops!
Hatch - RETURN!
Weeks on chart: 2 - For those of you who
may have forgotten, when Bill Clinton was President,
any Senator could veto any judicial nominee from his
or her own state. That's how the Republicans managed
to block so many of President Clinton's nominees throughout
the nineties. But now Orrin Hatch has changed the rules,
and in an astonishingly transparent piece of spin is
blasting Democrats for wanting to change the
rules... back to what they were in the first place.
Appearing on Fox News, Hatch complained, "They have
very little reason to gripe. I'll tell you what's behind
this. ... They feel they are going to take over in 2002,
and they want to delay all these [appointments] so they
can control this process completely." Later, Hatch went
off on a slanderous rant accusing Democratic Senators
of wishing death upon Strom Thurmond: "I hate to say
it, but yes. They're hoping they're going to get control
if something happens to Strom." It has been pointed
out to Hatch that all he need do is allow the same veto
rule that was in effect when Clinton was president and
everyone can get on with it, but that's not good enough
for our bug-eyed friend: "They are delaying this,
hoping they can delay the appointment of judges long
enough to where they get control in 2002." Well at least
he's already conceded defeat! What's the matter, Orrin?
Getting a little... scared?
Pitt - NEW!
Weeks on chart: 1 - Ah, yet another very
special example of compassionate conservative family
values. Last week it was revealed that George W. Bush's
pick for chief of the US Securities and Exchange Commission,
Harvey Pitt, was hired by New Frontier Media back in
1999 to help the firm keep its NASDAQ listing. Pitt
obviously did a good job - the company is indeed still
out there exploiting the "New Frontier" by
distributing teen sex videos and other "adult entertainment"
online. New Frontier Media's website reveals that their
growth strategy revolves around "key opportunities"
and "strategic partnerships." Nudge nudge,
wink wink. So if he gets the SEC job you can bet that
Harvey Pitt is set for life when it comes to "Naughty
Catholic Schoolgirls" videos...
Franks and Bret Schundler - NEW!/RETURN!
Weeks on chart: Franks 1/Schundler 2 - "I'm
Ronald Reagan!" "No, I'm Ronald Reagan!"
Republican infighting hits new heights of vapidity as
the tough New Jersey Governor's race kicks off. First,
Jersey City Mayor Schundler (see Idiots Week 12) ran
an ad claiming that he was an "ideological disciple"
of Ronald Reagan, and the most fiscally conservative
candidate in the contest. Nonsense, declared ex-Rep.
Franks, who ran a hard-hitting radio ad last week accusing
Schundler of "misleading" voters. In a painfully
low blow, Franks' ad revealed that far from being the
next Ronald Reagan, Schundler actually worked for Democrat
Gary Hart in the 1984 Presidential Primaries. Ooh, that
hurts! We can't wait to see what the next twist will
be in this oh-so-interesting tale. Tax cuts at dawn?
Minority-bashing at twenty paces? Our view: they're
Roukema - NEW!
Weeks on chart: 1 - Rep. Roukema of New Jersey
has been in a bit of a pickle recently. Last week she
called on Congress to "censure" (censor?)
HBO's "The Sopranos" because it contains "negative
and unfair stereotyping of Italian-Americans." Says
Roukema (an Italian-American), "This program is highly
discriminatory. They do ethnic stereotyping and it's
Mafia, homicide, cheating, corruption, financial corruption,
denigrating women and families, all of it." But it seems
that other Italian-American politicians don't share
Roukema's view. Senator Bob Torricelli "counts himself
among the millions of devoted fans" of "The Sopranos."
And when Hamilton, NJ, City Councilor Vinnie Capodanno
criticized Roukema's stance she simply resorted to insults:
"It shows his ignorance." Speaking of ignorance,
you may be interested to learn that Marge Roukema later
admitted that she'd never actually seen an episode of
"The Sopranos." There's a shocker.
Posthumus - NEW!
Weeks on chart: 1 - With a name like "Dick
Posthumus," it was only a matter of time before the
lieutenant governor of Michigan ended up on our top
ten list. Last week the Michigan Front Page,
an African-American newspaper, reported that Posthumus
(now a candidate for governor) referred to certain neighborhoods
in Detroit as the "ghetto." This slap in the face to
the Motor City is a new tactic for Repubs seeking high
office in Michigan. In previous campaigns, Republican
candidates would pay lip service to the idea of serving
the whole state, and then, once elected, give
the cold shoulder to the people of Detroit. John Engler,
the current governor, was a master of this approach.
Posthumus has apparently decided to forgo all that so-called
"big-tent" campaign-speak mumbo-jumbo so he can commence
with the serious business of dissing Detroit before
he is elected governor. Or maybe, considering the big-name
Dems who are lining up to hand Dick his Posthumus, he
realizes that he's never going to actually be
Lott - RETURN!
Weeks on chart: 3 - In sports, you need
a referee to enforce the rules and make the tough calls.
So, too, in the United States Senate, where the game
is played with arcane parliamentary procedures, and
the Parliamentarian acts as the referee. At least, that's
the way it's supposed to work. Trent "the
Fixer" Lott was a little miffed at some of the
recent rulings by Parliamentarian Robert Dove, a GOP
appointee. So Lott did the honorable thing: He fired
him. Now they need to hire someone new. No doubt Honest
Trent is looking for someone more willing to (ahem)
do the right thing. A disinterested honest broker
who can look beyond party politics and make the right
decision for our country. Looks like a job for... The
US Supreme Court!
Election Officials in Florida -
Weeks on chart: 1 - And
finally, during the Florida Recount last year, the spinmeisters
in the Bush camp built their entire case around one
simple argument: If a machine can't read a ballot, then
it must not be counted. But they could have added: unless
it's a vote for Bush. The Orlando Sentinel
reported last week that on Election Day, county officials
"made new copies" of at least ten thousand
incorrectly marked or torn absentee ballots that optical
scanning machines "initially couldn't read"
- saving the ballots "from being thrown out."
Since absentee ballots went more for Bush than Gore,
this "divining of voter intent" by election
officials likely handed the election to Bush. We are
still waiting for James Baker to take a stand on principle
and admit that by his sacrosanct machine-readable-votes-only
standard, Bush should have lost. See you next week!
a Conservative for Next Week's List