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The Top Ten Conservative Idiots (Week 3)
January 29, 2001
First Week in Office Edition

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After an exciting week of accusations, finger-pointing, and flat-out lies, Matt Drudge vaults into first place this week. In fact several members of this week's chart owe their status to Drudge's inability to check his facts before exploding like a cat in a microwave - witness Ari Fleischer (2) and Ollie North (4). Meanwhile, erstwhile favorites Tom DeLay (8) and Rush Limbaugh (10) slip a bit this week, and Phil Gramm slides into the number five spot with an excellent analysis of the country's financial situation. See you next week!

1 Matt Drudge - The uptight muck-raker sprints into the top slot after publishing various and sundry lies about ex-staffers committing vandalism and leaving porn lying all over the White House. Republicans refuse to confirm or deny the rumors while privately engaging in mass acts of self-congratulatory onanism. NEW! 1
2 Ari Fleischer - Dragged into second place on Drudge's coat-tails by leading the Republican charge to fail to provide any evidence of (while simultaneously refusing to confirm or deny) the aforementioned rumors. He has a member of his staff keeping a "mental list" you know. NEW! 1
3 John Ashcroft - Sits tight in the number three position this week after failing to provide satisfactory written answers to Senators at his confirmation hearings. 3 3
4 Ollie North - Spent three solid hours on his radio show accusing ex-White House staffers of everything from setting fire to the curtains to leaving poop on the rugs. Wait a minute Ollie, didn't you lie to Congress about selling arms to Iran? I guess that must have been another Ollie North. NEW! 1
5 Phil Gramm - As one of this week's voters remarked: "Phil Gramm sounded really stupid this week when he said that surplus monies were 'dragging the country down, like a huge anchor.' Sure wish I had a big surplus in my bank account to drag ME down like a huge anchor." NEW! 1
6 George W. Bush - Falls five places this week. Pushes ahead with plan to de-oil the ANWR, while abandoning his idea of drilling off the coast of Florida. I wonder why that could be? 1 2
7 Jeb Bush - Nepotism is a wonderful thing. RETURN! 2
8 Tom DeLay - Falls another two places, mainly due to the fact that he's been so quiet lately. The reason that Tom is still on the chart is because THIS MEANS HE'S UP TO SOMETHING... 6 3
9 Dick Cheney - Climbs one spot this week after smoothly settling into the White House driving seat. Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain! 10 2
10 Rush Limbaugh - Falls two places this week. We at Democratic Underground have decided that as it is no longer Politically Correct to insult Rush because of his weight problem, he will now be referred to as "the Joseph Goebbels of daytime radio". 8 2
« Week 2 All Weeks Week 4 »

Other popular nominees this week: Bob Barr, GOP Chair Jim Nicholson, Katherine Harris, Jesse Helms, Trent Lott. Dropping off the list: Larry Gatlin (2), Katherine Harris (4), William Rehnquist (5), Jim Gilmore (7), Gale Norton (9)

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