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The Top Ten Conservative
Idiots (Week 3)
January
29, 2001
First Week in Office Edition
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a friend about the Top Ten Conservative Idiots
After an exciting week of accusations, finger-pointing, and flat-out
lies, Matt Drudge vaults into first place this week. In fact several members
of this week's chart owe their status to Drudge's inability to check his
facts before exploding like a cat in a microwave - witness Ari Fleischer
(2) and Ollie North (4). Meanwhile, erstwhile favorites Tom DeLay (8)
and Rush Limbaugh (10) slip a bit this week, and Phil Gramm slides into
the number five spot with an excellent analysis of the country's financial
situation. See you next week!
| THIS
WEEK |
|
LAST
WEEK |
TOTAL
WEEKS |
| 1 |
Matt
Drudge - The
uptight muck-raker sprints into the top slot after publishing various
and sundry lies about ex-staffers committing vandalism and leaving
porn lying all over the White House. Republicans refuse to confirm
or deny the rumors while privately engaging in mass acts of self-congratulatory
onanism. |
NEW! |
1 |
| 2 |
Ari
Fleischer - Dragged
into second place on Drudge's coat-tails by leading the Republican
charge to fail to provide any evidence of (while simultaneously refusing
to confirm or deny) the aforementioned rumors. He has a member of
his staff keeping a "mental list" you know. |
NEW! |
1 |
| 3 |
John
Ashcroft - Sits tight in the number three position this week after
failing to provide satisfactory written answers to Senators at his
confirmation hearings. |
3 |
3 |
| 4 |
Ollie
North - Spent
three solid hours on his radio show accusing ex-White House staffers
of everything from setting fire to the curtains to leaving poop on
the rugs. Wait a minute Ollie, didn't you lie to Congress about selling
arms to Iran? I guess that must have been another Ollie North. |
NEW! |
1 |
| 5 |
Phil
Gramm - As
one of this week's voters remarked: "Phil Gramm sounded really
stupid this week when he said that surplus monies were 'dragging the
country down, like a huge anchor.' Sure wish I had a big surplus in
my bank account to drag ME down like a huge anchor." |
NEW! |
1 |
| 6 |
George
W. Bush - Falls five places this week. Pushes ahead with plan
to de-oil the ANWR, while abandoning his idea of drilling off the
coast of Florida. I wonder why that could be? |
1 |
2 |
| 7 |
Jeb
Bush - Nepotism is a wonderful thing. |
RETURN! |
2 |
| 8 |
Tom
DeLay - Falls another two places, mainly due to the fact that
he's been so quiet lately. The reason that Tom is still on the chart
is because THIS MEANS HE'S UP TO SOMETHING... |
6 |
3 |
| 9 |
Dick
Cheney - Climbs one spot this week after smoothly settling into
the White House driving seat. Pay no attention to that man behind
the curtain! |
10 |
2 |
| 10 |
Rush
Limbaugh - Falls two places this week. We at Democratic Underground
have decided that as it is no longer Politically Correct to insult
Rush because of his weight problem, he will now be referred to as
"the Joseph Goebbels of daytime radio". |
8 |
2 |
Other popular nominees this week: Bob Barr, GOP Chair Jim Nicholson,
Katherine Harris, Jesse Helms, Trent Lott. Dropping off the list:
Larry Gatlin (2), Katherine Harris (4), William Rehnquist (5), Jim Gilmore
(7), Gale Norton (9)
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