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The Top Ten Conservative Idiots (Week 2)
January 22, 2001
Inauguration Week Special

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Stiff Inaugural Week competition pushed five Conservative Idiots off of the list, including heavyweight Jeb Bush. George Dubya jumped out of nowhere to the top of the list, mainly due to his new status as president of the United States. Relative unknown Larry Gatlin explodes from obscurity to the number two spot, thanks to his incredibly stupid comment about Katherine Harris (4). Ashcroft drops two slots to number three, and is holding steady. Rush Limbaugh (8) makes his first of what will likely be many appearances.

1 George W. Bush - He needed his vice president and his dad to help him open his umbrella. A taste of things to come? NEW! 1
2 Larry Gatlin - At Florida Inaugural Ball, the singer makes most outrageous quote of '01: "In France it was Joan of Arc; in the Crimea it was Florence Nightingale; in the deep south there was Rosa Parks; in India there was Mother Teresa and in Florida there was Katherine Harris" NEW! 1
3 John Ashcroft - At confirmation hearings, Ashcroft tries to moderate his extreme positions on the issues. We don't buy it. 1 2
4 Katherine Harris - Now she's being compared to Rosa Parks. Yeah, it was really great when Rosa Parks threw away everyone's votes. 3 2
5 William Rehnquist - It must've been really cool to swear in the guy you hand-picked to be president. Did anyone notice the secret handshake after the oath? NEW! 1
6 Tom DeLay - Still haven't heard much from the meanest man on Capitol Hill, or from his lackey Hastert. Once people stop paying attention, he'll show Bush who's boss. 5 2
7 Jim Gilmore - Wants to spend tobacco settlement money for beloved car tax cut; stupid idea rewarded with chairmanship of RNC. 8 2
8 Rush Limbaugh - Nothing much to report this week, except that we think he's still the "Biggest" Conservative Idiot - if you know what we mean. NEW! 1
9 Gale Norton - Laid low this week while other nominees sailed through confirmation. Hurry up Gale, we think Linda Chavez is outside in the car honking the horn. 2 2
10 Dick Cheney - Deft handling of recent umbrella crisis shows that he's a smooth political operator with his hands firmly on the levers of power. NEW! 1
« Week 1 All Weeks Week 3 »

Other popular nominees this week: Bob Barr, Phil Gramm, James Baker. Dropping off the list: Jeb Bush (4), Bob Jones III (6), Karl Rove (7), Spence Abraham (9), Linda Chavez (10)

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