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The
Supremos - Episode 25
August
29, 2001
by The Shifties
OPENING
SCENE: A basement apartment somewhere in Washington DC. Inside,
two men work feverishly at their computer terminals. It is
well past midnight when a knock comes at the apartment door.
Knock!
Knock!
Skinner:
(to EarlG) It's your turn to get it.
EarlG:
I thought I got it last time.
Skinner:
Earl, as long as we've had this office, you have never, I
repeat never, answered the door. I have answered it 345 consecutive
times.
EarlG:
I can't believe that!
Skinner:
Would you like to see the informal log I've been keeping?
EarlG:
Oh, all right. (gets up and goes to the door) Who is
it?
Unidentified
voice: Candygram.
EarlG:
Cool!
Skinner:
No!
It's
too late. Earl has thrown the locks and suddenly the door
is thrust open by a burly man in a thick cashmere coat. It's
Justice Supremo, accompanied by Justice Clarence Thomas.
Justice
Supremo: Sorry for intrudin'. (throws his coat on the
sofa) OK, which one of youse is Spanky?
Skinner:
My name's Skinner, if that helps. May I ask what you think
you're doing, barging into our place of business?
Justice
Supremo: You call this a place of business? I got grappa
bottles bigger'n this. Look, we just need to have a little
chat about this column, 'Top Ten Conservative Idiots.'
Skinner:
I can't believe you read that.
Justice
Supremo: I don't. The President does.
Justice
Thomas: Look at this, Nino! Vinyl records! What kinda
tunes you groove to?
EarlG:
Those were here when we moved in.
Justice
Supremo: As I was sayin', the President finds your column
offensive. He would be grateful if you would stop writin'
it.
Skinner:
Two Justices of the Supreme Court show up at my door in the
middle of the night with a request to censor our editorial
content? We're just a couple guys with a website.
Justice
Supremo: Not just any website, boogie. A funny one. It's
okay to be boring like George Stephanopolos. But funny is
dangerous. (pulls out his wallet) Now how much is this
gonna cost me?
Justice
Thomas: (excited) You got James Brown! (breaks
into fast dance) Ah'm ina, ah'm ina, ah'm ina CODE SWEAT!
Uh! Uh! Uh! CODE SWEAT!!
Skinner:
We are NOT for sale.
EarlG:
Absolutely not. Just out of curiosity, though, how much were
you going to offer?
Justice
Supremo: Fifty grand apiece.
Skinner:
See? It's an insult.
Justice
Supremo: Okay, double it.
Skinner:
I spit on your money!
EarlG:
I'm not spitting, however. See? My mouth is dry. Let's just
say we would spit on anything less than two hundred fifty
each. (hurriedly, to Skinner) We'd donate the whole
amount to the Southern Poverty Law Center, of course. Quietly.
After I get my Plymouth Prowler, that is.
Justice
Supremo: Now you makin' me laugh. Who reads this shit
anyway?
Skinner:
You just said, the President. I suppose you'd want us to censor
that satire of you, as well.
Justice
Supremo: (suspicious) What satire of me?
Skinner
hands him a printout, watches Nino read it.
Justice
Supremo: This is pretty funny. You're a funny guy. He's
a funny guy, ain't he, Clarence? I'm a funny guy, too, y'know.
(dials cell phone) Timo, it's me. Get some five gallon
cans of gasoline and a couple road flares.
Justice
Thomas: (doing the Funky Chicken in the middle of the
floor) Ugga ugga, you Chaka, you Chaka, you Chaka Khan!
To
be continued... (we hope)
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