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The
Supremos - Episode 19
July 11,
2001
by The Shifties
OPENING
SCENE: in the hallway on the top floor of the Four Seasons
Hotel in Washington DC. Justice Supremo and his driver Timo
are accompanied by the hotel bell captain. All cluster around
the door to a room.
Justice
Supremo: (raps on the door) Clarence, you in there?
No answer. Justice Supremo raps again, harder.
Justice
Supremo: Clarence! Answer me! Nothing.
Timo:
What's wrong with him, boss?
Justice
Supremo: (sighs) It's this new book on the Anita
Hill thing. The author admitted he made up all that sleaze
about her. (shakes head) Drove Clarence around the bend.
Timo:
Whadda we do?
Justice
Supremo: We fix it before the media get involved, that's
what. (motions to Bell Captain) C'mere, I wanna talk
to you.
The Bell
Captain approaches.
Justice
Supremo: What's your name, eh?
Bell
Captain: Lou.
Justice
Supremo: You a paisan?
Bell
Captain: My folks are Lebanese.
Justice
Supremo: Close enough. You know who I am, Lou?
Bell
Captain: You're the Chief Justice.
Justice
Supremo: Now, Lou, I have to correct ya there. Maybe I
should be the Chief, but for now it's Billy Rehnquist. Remember
that, willya? Rehnquist's the Chief. Especially in case you
get interviewed by any Federal investigators.
Bell
Captain: I'll remember, sir. Justice Supremo: Now I wanna
make you a little present. (opens his wallet and counts
out six hundred dollar bills). I want ya to have this,
Lou. It's all I got on me at the moment, but there's another
grand waitin', providin' you can keep a secret.
Bell
Captain: (pockets money) I understand, sir. It's
just that…
Justice
Supremo: What, Lou?
Bell
Captain: It's just that... I don't like to say this, but
the tabloids... they'll pay a lot of money for a story like
this. A lot more than sixteen hundred.
Justice
Supremo: I'm sure they will, Lou. (smiles paternally)
But if your house was to accidentally burn up, you'd have
to spend a lot of that money on repairs, wouldn't you? Whereas
I can practically guarantee you a run of good luck in the
fire safety area.
Bell
Captain: (nervously) I see your point, Your Honor.
Justice
Supremo: Now open this door and go away and forget you
ever heard of us.
The Bell
Captain opens the door and then leaves. The room is a shambles,
with overturned furniture and clothing strewn everywhere.
In the middle of the bed sits Justice Thomas, wearing only
a pair of boxer shorts. He is obviously not in his right mind.
Justice
Supremo: Jesus, Clarence, what the fuck is going on here?
(sees something on floor) Tell me this ain't a blow-up
sex doll.
Justice
Thomas: That's no doll. It cost $6000.
Justice
Supremo: You paid six grand for a rubber pussy?
Justice
Thomas: Actually, the vacuum pump attaches to any of four
orifices.
Justice
Supremo: Four? No, I don't wanna know. (picks up a
small jar and peers at the contents) I hope this ain't
pubic hair. You actually get samples offa women?
Justice
Thomas: Not usually. I find a lot of it on Coke cans.
Justice
Supremo: (exasperated) This is all about that damned
Brock book, isn't it? So the guy admitted he lied about Hill.
No problem, we'll just say how can you believe him, he already
admitted he was a liar, didn't he? The whole thing will blow
over in a week.
Justice
Thomas: (weeping) Easy for you to say. People will
think I'm a pervert.
Justice
Supremo: Clarence, I hate to be the one to break the news,
but you are a fuggin' pervert.
Justice
Thomas: I am not! I'm a healthy male with healthy sexual
appetites. I'm a victim of unfair prejudice. Since Anita Hill,
black women won't have anything to do with me. (raging)
That lesbo bitch! I should have strangled her when I had the
chance! (subsides into dreamy reverie) I can't stop
thinking about black women, Nino. Those luscious lips. Those
bodacious buttocks. Mmmmm, baby got back!!!
Justice
Supremo: Cut it out, Clarence.
Justice
Thomas: I admit it! I'm hot for chocolate!
Justice
Supremo: Shut up...
Justice
Thomas: (stands up on the bed) I'm loco over cocoa!!
Justice
Supremo: Goddammit...
Justice
Thomas: (jumping up and down, clearly out of control)
THE JUDGE NEEDS FUDGE!!!!
Justice
Supremo grabs his ankles and jerks, hard. Justice Thomas falls
off the bed and crashes to the floor, unconscious.
Timo:
You was a little rough there, boss.
Justice
Supremo: The fucker deserved it.
Timo:
You want I should wrap him in the sheets and carry him
down to the car?
Justice
Supremo: Too late for that, Timo. (opens cell phone)
Hello? Mr. Grant? Look, I got a problem here. (listens)
We need a cleaner.
Timo:
(shocked) Boss, you callin' a Cleaner?
Justice
Supremo: No choice. The media'll be here in twenty minutes.
Go stand by the elevator and scare anybody who tries to get
out on this floor.
Timo
leaves. Justice Supremo stands over the prostrate, near-nude
figure of his colleague on the Supreme Court.
Justice
Supremo: The things I have to do for the US of fuggin'
A.
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