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The
Supremos - Episode 17
June 27,
2001
by The Shifties
OPENING
SCENE: Justice Thomas and Justice Supremo are in chambers.
Justice Thomas is still in shock from revelations about Senators
Helms and Thurmond.
Thomas:
Just tell me if the President is really George W. Bush.
Supremo:
Of course he's George W. Bush, Clarence.
Thomas:
Whew!
Supremo:
Just not the original.
SCENE:
Moscow. The talks between President Bush and Vladimir Putin.
The US State Department translator is also present.
Putin:
(speaks rapidly in Russian)
Translator:
Mr. Putin said…
President
Bush: (interrupting) Da, da!
Translator:
Sir, you really should wait for me to translate.
President
Bush: (whispering) Shhh! I want him to think I
speak Russian. It makes me look smarter!
SCENE:
Back in chambers with Justices Thomas and Supremo.
Thomas:
But... but...
Supremo:
See, Clarence, George W. Bush was a real child of the
Sixties, if you know what I mean.
Thomas:
He experimented with drugs.
Supremo:
Wallowed in, is more like it.
Thomas:
But then he pulled himself up by his bootstraps, with
the help of the Almighty, and went on to become a great leader
of the neoconservative movement. Everybody knows that.
Supremo:
Yeah. (hesitates) I'm sure he woulda done that,
eventually, with time.
Thomas:
He didn't quit drugs?
Supremo:
He quit, all right, just not... voluntarily.
SCENE:
Back in Moscow.
President
Bush: Da! Da! Da! Da!
Translator:
(urgently) Sir! You just agreed to a 500 billion dollar
agricultural loan!
President
Bush: I did? Well, cancel it. But don't let him know I
can't speak Russian.
Translator:
(speaks rapidly in Russian)
President
Bush: What did you say?
Translator:
I explained that when you said "da", you are only calling
out for advice from the spirit of your father.
President
Bush: OK, don't let me say anything else.
SCENE:
In chambers with the two Justices.
Thomas:
Tell me the truth.
Supremo:
The truth? OK, he was out hunting at one of those exotic animal
ranches north of San Antonio. George was drunked up, as usual,
and one of the other hunters thought he was a rare African
eland and shot him.
Thomas:
Who?
Supremo:
I shouldn't say. Okay, it was Ollie North.
Justice
Thomas is stunned.
Supremo:
And then somebody took his place, Clarence. Not an actor.
Just a regular American who taught industrial arts to high
school students in Plano, Texas. A real patriot.
Thomas:
A shop teacher?
Supremo:
(nods) A little collagen and you couldn't tell
them apart. His name was Mark J. Doody, but the students called
him Howdy.
Thomas:
The President of the United States is Howdy Doody?
Supremo:
(wagging finger) In America, Clarence, any kid
can grow up to be President.
SCENE:
Back in Moscow.
Putin:
(speaks rapidly in Russian)
President
Bush: (excited) Da, da, da, da, da!!!
Translator:
Sir, you just ceded Poland!
President
Bush: I told you not to let me say anything!
To
be continued...
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