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The
Supremos - Episode 16
June 20,
2001
by The Shifties
OPENING
SCENE: The Vice President's mansion. A Sunday morning meeting.
In attendance are the Vice President, Chief Justice Rehnquist,
Justice Thomas, and Justice Supremo.
Cheney:
Next item of business. The Strom Thurmond situation.
Thomas:
I saw him a few months ago. He looks really, really bad.
Cheney:
As well he should, Clarence.
Thomas:
Is he really a hundred years old?
Rehnquist:
He's ninety-eight.
Cheney:
Officially.
Thomas:
Officially? What's that mean?
Nobody
answers. Finally Supremo takes pity on Thomas.
Supremo:
Unofficially, Clarence, he's dead.
Thomas:
(aghast) What?
Rehnquist:
You heard the man.
Supremo:
See, it happened back in '99, around the time Clinton
got past Ken Starr. Old Strom's heart just couldn't take it.
Thomas:
He had a heart attack?
Supremo:
I think the correct term was apoplectic seizure.
Thomas:
But... but... he attends the Senate.
Supremo:
Somebody attends the Senate, Clarence. Mostly drama students
from Bob Jones U. A Hollywood guy does the makeup - working
off some income tax debt, they tell me.
Thomas:
I can't believe this.
Rehnquist:
Believe it, kid.
Cheney:
Why don't you tell him about Helms?
Thomas:
You can't mean...
Supremo
nods.
Supremo:
Animatronics. Like at Disney World.
Thomas:
The Clinton scandal got him too?
Supremo:
(shaking head) Nah, Helms died back in '89. It
was him got the whole trend started.
Rehnquist:
It's the backbone of the Republican majority, Clarence.
Thomas:
What is?
Rehnquist:
Dead legislators.
Thomas:
I don't know what to say.
Cheney:
I was surprised the Democrats didn't cover up Carnahan's death.
Supremo:
Didn't need to. Stalin coulda beat Ashcroft.
Thomas:
Just tell me one thing. Does the President know about
this?
Uncomfortable
silence.
Thomas:
Well?
Cheney:
You break the news to him, Nino.
To
be continued...
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