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The
Supremos - Episode 11
May 16,
2001
by The Shifties
OPENING
SCENE: In a rented limousine carrying Chief Justice Rehnquist,
Justice Supremo, and Justice Thomas from San Francisco Airport
to the big meeting at Bohemian Grove. The TV set is turned
to a report on games on the White House lawn.
Chief
Justice Rehnquist: Whatta they call that game again?
Justice
Supremo: 'Photo-op'. (both laugh) Bush wants to
be a Kennedy, he should play football.
Justice
Thomas: Ravens rule!
Justice
Supremo: Calm down, Clarence. So what happens at these
conferences, Chief?
Chief
Justice Rehnquist: (shrugs) First day, guys get
drunk, make speeches. Next day, they get drunker, make worse
speeches. This year I think we got John Ashcroft on the new
conservative mandate.
Justice
Supremo: I hope these friggin' Protestants know who put
them in the Oval Office.
Justice
Thomas: Who?
Justice
Supremo: Us, Clarence, fer chrissake. (irritably)
Far as I'm concerned, they got a mandate to sit down and shut
the fuck up.
Chief
Justice Rehnquist: George knows who pays his salary, Nino.
Or if he don't, he will by the end of this weekend.
Justice
Thomas: Will Charlton Heston be here, Chief?
Chief
Justice Rehnquist: Sure. Wait'll he brings out them holy
tablets, it stops the show. All the big East Coast mobs come
- Danbury, Kennebunkport, the Vineyard. Then you got your
Western outfits, Scottsdale, La Jolla, Orange County - watch
yourself around them, Clarence, lot of 'em never seen a black
man up close. Vegas always comes, and the Fundamentalists.
Justice
Supremo: Falwell and the Casino crowd, in the same room?
Chief
Justice Rehnquist: Two things make men set aside their
differences, Nino.
Justice
Supremo: Party and country?
Chief
Justice Rehnquist: Liquor and whores.
Justice
Thomas: Is Arnold Schwarzenegger coming, Chief?
Chief
Justice Rehnquist: Last year, he did his impression of
Bill Clinton at Krispy Kreme. (thick Austrian accent)
"I'll be baaack for Raised Glazed." (all laugh)
SCENE:
the reception area at Bohemian Grove. A bellhop approaches
as the three Justices exit the limousine.
Bellhop:
Take your bags, gentlemen?
Justice
Supremo: You look familiar.
Bellhop:
It's US Representative JC Watts, Mr. Supremo.
Justice
Supremo: Hey, Clarence, lookit here, it's Rep. Watts from
Oklahoma!
Justice
Thomas: Wassup, boyee?
JC Watts:
(cringing) Some of these white folks got guns, man!
A waitress approaches with a tray of drinks. She is wearing
a Playboy Bunny outfit.
Waitress:
Cocktails?
Justice
Supremo: Damn, you look just like Christy Whitman!
Secretary
Whitman: It is me, Mr. Justice! I'm having the funnest
time!
Chief
Justice Rehnquist: Say, sweetie, tell me where I can drain
my weasel.
Secretary
Whitman: Down that corridor and take your first left,
Your Honor. Pat Buchanan's inside with towels.
Justice
Supremo: Geez, they'll let anybody work here.
SCENE:
later than evening. A woman comes to Justice Rehnquist's room.
Justice Thomas opens the door.
Woman:
Good evening. Katherine Harris for Justice Rehnquist.
Justice
Thomas: (checks watch) You're early. He isn't ready
for bed yet.
Katherine
Harris: I beg your pardon?
Justice
Thomas: Come back around 9:30. I hope you brought Viagra,
because I forgot to pack any.
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