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The
Supremos - Episode 9
May 2,
2001
by The Shifties
OPENING
SCENE: Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg is in her chambers watching
a video when Justice Supremo enters.
Justice
Supremo: Whatcha watchin', Ruthie?
Justice
Ginsburg: The Dead Zone. It's about a neoconservative
President destined to start the next world war.
Justice
Supremo: Hey, that's Colin Powell's problem, not mine.
Here's a hypothetical: you find out unknown persons are spreadin'
vicious rumors, tryin' to ruin your reputation. Whaddya do?
Justice
Ginsburg: I face the public with honesty and forthrightness.
Justice
Supremo: (staring) Maybe I shoulda said, whaddya
do, if you're me?
Justice
Ginsburg: Hmm... hire a battalion of sleazy lawyers and
blow smoke up everybody's ass?
Justice
Supremo: Yeah, that's what I was thinkin'.
SCENE:
A quiet Tuesday afternoon. Justice Supremo parks his Lincoln
and enters a doughnut shop near Chevy Chase Circle. Two men
watch from a parked Range Rover.
Rush
Limbaugh: He's alone! This is our chance!
George
Will: Geronimo!
Limbaugh
and Will leap from the Rover and sprint for Nino's car. They
are wearing full Ninja costume, complete with mask. George
Will pries open the cover of the gas tank and keeps watch
as Limbaugh inserts a plastic funnel and begins pouring.
George
Will: Is that brown sugar?
Rush
Limbaugh: It's not my fault, they were out of white!
Just
then Nino comes out of the doughnut shop and sees them. He
pulls a large gun from his robes and fires.
Justice
Supremo: Damn! I can't hit shit with this thing!
The ninjas
speed off. Nino jumps in his car and gives chase until he
hears a grinding sound from his engine.
Justice
Supremo: Damn! Damn! Damn! Damn!
The police
arrive. A young officer approaches Nino's car.
Officer:
What's going on here?
Justice
Supremo: Ninjas attacked my car!
Officer:
Ninjas? Do you have a permit for that weapon, sir?
Justice
Supremo: I, um, must have left it in my other robe.
Officer:
You need to step out of the vehicle, sir. Slowly.
SCENE:
The parking lot at Arlington National Cemetery. A rainy afternoon.
Justice Thomas climbs into the back seat of a limousine.
Justice
Thomas: What am I supposed to do?
George
Will: Sit tight. Supremo will be explaining himself to
the media for the next week. Then we'll release more smut.
When the time comes, you call for his resignation.
Justice
Thomas: Why can't the Chief do it?
Rush
Limbaugh: Because people would know he was behind it,
you silly.
Justice
Thomas: Oh. Well, who replaces Nino on the Court?
Rush
Limbaugh: It hasn't been decided.
Justice
Thomas exits the limo. George Will calls Tallahassee on the
cell phone.
George
Will: Florida Circuit Court? Judge N. Sanders Sauls, please.
(holds for a moment) Sandy? This is George Will at
the RNC, CO division.
Judge
Sauls: "CO"?
George
Will: Covert Ops. Listen carefully. The President is planning
to repay you for the Florida election. Begin preparing for
confirmation to the Supreme Court. There should be a vacancy
within the next six months.
Judge
Sauls: I'd like to find a role for Katherine Harris. Couldn't
have done it without her, you know.
George
Will: Sorry, old boy, she's been tainted. But let me assure
you there are some excellent escort agencies in the District
of Columbia.
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