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The
Supremos - Episode 8
April 25,
2001
by The Shifties
OPENING
SCENE: Justice Supremo is on the phone to former President
George Bush.
Justice
Supremo: You never gonna guess who just left. Bob Jones
Jr.
Former
Pres. Bush: The fundamentalist?
Justice
Supremo: Yeah. Don't worry, I was polite. I did let Timo
give him a wedgie on the way out. (both laugh) He claims
the Republicans got a contract out on me.
Former
Pres. Bush: The way Jones feels about Catholics, I would
have expected him to take the contract himself.
Justice
Supremo: My guess is he did, but they fired his ass. Now
he's afraid of an audit. I told him I'd protect him.
Former
Pres. Bush: You'd do that for him?
Justice
Supremo: Nah. But it made the little weasel feel better.
(both laugh)
Former
Pres. Bush: You know Barb and I are in your corner, Nino,
after you helped get our son the job.
Justice
Supremo: Nice to know, G. I ain't forgot how you helped
get me on the Court.
Former
Pres. Bush: The public will never understand that politics
isn't about money. It's about loyalty.
Justice
Supremo: Well, loyalty and money. Or maybe loyalty to
money. (both laugh)
Justice
Supremo hangs up.
Justice
Supremo: Damn. If it ain't the Protestants, then who the
hell is it?
SCENE:
A trattoria near Union Station in Washington DC. Justice Supremo
is being interviewed over lunch by a reporter from The New
York Times.
NY Times
Reporter: Sum up in a sentence, if you will, the Originalist
philosophy.
Justice
Supremo: It's simple. The Constitution is a legal document,
complete and whole, not a living organism to be reinterpreted
as times change.
Reporter:
So that despite progress, Constitutional law should continue
to reflect the attitudes and prejudices of the late 18th Century?
Justice
Supremo: What was so bad about the 18th Century?
Reporter:
Let me think. Slavery, the extermination of indigenous
peoples, religious persecution, and the wholesale exploitation
of children and the poor?
Justice
Supremo: Yeah, but they made some terrific furniture.
I'm no fuddy-duddy. I know things change. I just don't think
they change for the better. Take sex. Back when I was a kid,
sex was Annette Funicello's boobs under thirty layers of cashmere.
Now it's what's-her-name, Britney Spurts and her belly-button
ring. That ain't progress. You can't get a decent hand job
offa either of 'em. (finishes glass of wine) We live
in a tawdry time.
Reporter:
Speaking of tawdry, I wanted show you these photographs.
Passes envelope
to Nino, who removes several photographs and looks them over.
He is obviously in shock at what he sees.
Reporter:
Would you care to comment?
Justice
Supremo: You little prick, you set me up.
Reporter:
Is that you in the photos? It certainly looks like you.
Justice
Supremo: Where'd you get these? Reporter: You know I can't
reveal my sources, Mr. Justice Supremo.
Justice
Supremo: I understand completely. (motions to Timo)
Knock this guy's teeth out onto the floor here.
Reporter:
Wait! (lowers voice) Somebody slipped them under our
office door late last night. They were there when we arrived
this morning.
Justice
Supremo: No fingerprints?
Reporter:
Of course not. But I must ask: is that really Barbra Streisand
in bed with you?
Justice
Supremo: Nah. It's trick photography.
Reporter:
I can quote you?
Justice
Supremo: Depends. Can you swim with a tub of cement on
your foot?
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