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The
Supremos - Episode 3
March 21,
2001
by The Shifties
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SCENE:
in the psychiatrist's office.
Dr. Phlemmi:
Have you experienced any side effects from the medication?
Justice
Supremo: Like what?
Dr. Phlemmi:
Erectile dysfunction.
Justice
Supremo: (blushes) Naw, things is okay down there.
But I been havin' some weird thoughts.
Dr. Phlemmi:
Of what sort?
Justice
Supremo: Well, last week I got a woody in Court, thinkin'
about Mrs. Bush.
Dr. Phlemmi:
Barbara?
Justice
Supremo: (horrified) No! Laura!
Dr. Phlemmi:
Perhaps she reminds you of someone.
Justice
Supremo: Oh yeah. Jane Fonda.
Dr. Phlemmi:
You're attracted to a radical liberal?
Justice
Supremo: Yeah. I can't stand the broad, but Little Nino
likes her titties. Anyway, I'm getting' off track here. The
thing is, I gotta quit comin' to see you.
Dr. Phlemmi:
Why?
Justice
Supremo: Too dangerous. Psychiatry is for Democrats, except
for, like, pastoral counseling. (thinks it over) Hey,
you ever think about becoming an evangelical religious organization?
I could probably get you a grant.
SCENE:
In Chambers The Chief Justice is confronting Justice Supremo
about some rumors.
Chief
Justice Rehnquist: Nino, people are saying you went to
a shrink.
Justice
Supremo: It wasn't for me, I was worried about Clarence.
He was havin' behavioral problems.
Chief
Justice Rehnquist: What's that mean?
Justice
Supremo: He was gonna ask a question.
Chief
Justice Rehnquist: No!
Justice
Supremo: So I hadda smack him.
Chief
Justice Rehnquist: But you ain't seein' the shrink no
more, right?
Justice
Supremo: No, of course not.
Chief
Justice Rehnquist: Thank God. Republicans ain't ready
for a neurotic archconservative, Nino. They ain't hardly got
over Newt and the dyke sister. (he ruffles Supremo's hair
affectionately) You're a good boy. Now giddoutaheah, you!
Justice
Supremo exits. Rehnquist presses a button beneath his desk.
From a hidden door emerge George Will and Rush Limbaugh.
Chief
Justice Rehnquist: I guess you guys heard that. What do
you think?
Limbaugh:
It's hard to tell.
Chief
Justice Rehnquist: So what do I say to the President?
George
Will: Tell him the evidence is equivocal.
Chief
Justice Rehnquist: (snorts) He won't know what
the fuck I'm talking about.
George
Will: Just say we're watching him. Of course, if he is
seeing a psychiatrist...
Limbaugh:
Has anybody ever... you know... a Supreme Court Justice?
Chief
Justice Rehnquist: I don't want to hear this kind of talk.
George
Will: Hey, if they can do JFK, they can do anybody.
Chief
Justice Rehnquist: Shuttup, you two! You makin' me sick
to my stomach.
SCENE:
The White House. Nino is on his way to the Oval Office when
he encounters Mrs. Bush heading toward the Presidential apartments.
Suddenly they are alone. Their eyes meet, they are magnetized.
She pulls him into a small office off the main hall and kisses
him, hard. Her hands fumble at his belt. He pulls her tailored
blouse from her skirt, freeing her modest cotton bra.
As he
reaches for the bra snap, he awakes, as if from a dream, to
find himself standing in a hallway in the West Wing, surrounded
by White House Staff, among whom is none other than Laura
Bush herself. She gives him a concerned look.
The First
Lady: Why, Mr. Justice, whatever is the matter? You're
so... flushed.
Justice
Supremo: I... I... it's a migraine, I think.
The First
Lady: I may have some St. Joseph's aspirin for children
in my purse.
Justice
Supremo: I... thank you, Your Ladyship.
Nino
realizes that even with the medication, his problems persist.
He has no choice: he must continue in therapy, despite the
risks. "Am I going mad?" he wonders.
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