The Supremos - Episode 21
July 25, 2001
by The Shifties

OPENING SCENE: A search is being conducted by hundreds of police officers in an area near Rock Creek Park in Washington DC. One of the officers notices a man wandering about by himself, and calls to him.

Policeman: Hey you! This is a restricted area!

Stranger: It's all right, Officer. I'm a Justice of the United States Supreme Court!

Policeman: (approaching) Oh my gosh, you're Clarence Thomas!

Justice Thomas: Indeedy, Officer.

Policeman: May I ask what you're doing out here, sir?

Justice Thomas: I was just on my way home when I caught sight of all you fellows and I thought I'd stop and see what you were up to.

Policeman: Um, we're looking for Chandra Levy, sir.

Justice Thomas: (frowning) Who's he?

Policeman: She, sir. The intern who disappeared a few weeks ago.

Justice Thomas: Don't believe I know her.

Policeman: Well, allegedly she was having a affair with Representative Condit of California, sir, before she vanished…

Justice Thomas: (sharply) Allegedly? ALLEGEDLY? I hope you're not participating in the dissemination of gossip about a public figure, Officer.

Policeman: Me?

Justice Thomas: Because there are a lot of women out there who will stop at nothing to bring low a man of power and achievement.

Policeman: I wouldn't know about that, sir.

Justice Thomas: Personally, I think it's penis envy.

Policeman: Uh, I believe the Representative admitted the affair.

Justice Thomas: Just because he confessed doesn't mean it's true, young man.

Policeman: It doesn't?

Justice Thomas: He could be under pressure from inner demons that cause him to act in ways contradictory to his real character.

Policeman: He can?

Justice Thomas: Take my word for it. By the way, this Levy isn't a middle-aged black law professor who likes to tease her male colleagues with a seductive walk and a sassy smile, is she?

Policeman: No, sir.

Justice Thomas: All right then. (looking around) Well, maybe I can help search. I'll just look over here, if it's okay with you.

Policeman: Try not to disturb anything, sir.

Justice Thomas gets down on his hands and knees and peers at the grass and brush.

Policeman: You don't have to crawl, sir.

Justice Thomas: I'm used to it.

Suddenly he lets out a piercing shriek. The policeman rushes over.

Policeman: What is it?

Justice Thomas: I've found bones! Bones, you hear me?

Policeman: Let me see those!

Justice Thomas: Oh my God, I'll have nightmares...

Policeman: I don't think these are Ms. Levy, sir.

Justice Thomas: You don't?

Policeman: They're only a few inches long. I think they came from that KFC box over there in the trash receptacle, sir.

Justice Thomas: I think we ought to let the Medical Examiner see them before we jump to conclusions, my young friend.

To be continued...

© Democratic Underground, LLC