The Supremos - Episode 10
May 9, 2001
by The Shifties

OPENING SCENE: Early one spring morning. Justice Supremo sneaks out of his house, still dressed in robe and slippers, retrieves newspapers, and tiptoes back inside.

Justice Supremo: First the bad news. (opens Washington Post) "Controversy over Pictures of Supremo and Streisand." Talk about your yellow journalism. (turns to Washington Times) "Pro-Gore Terrorists Slander Hero of American Jurisprudence." Now that's some objective reporting.

Mrs. Supremo yells from kitchen.

Mrs. Supremo: Nino! Come see how nice your son looks all dressed up for his big job!

Justice Supremo: Hey, Gino, this your first day? Lemme check you out. (inspects son's suit) What's with the striped tie, you turnin' into a Presbyterian? Put on that yellow silk one with the fishes.

Gino Supremo: Aw Pop, don't make me.

Justice Supremo: At least use more Vitalis. Your cowlick is showin'. So what's your new title, anyway?

Gino Supremo: (consults slip of paper) "Solicitor for the Department of Labor". I'm not sure what that means.

Justice Supremo: Means your old man's on the Supreme Court, that's what. (ruffles Gino's hair.) Now go solicit somethin'.

Gino Supremo exits. Justice Supremo picks up the phone and dials.

Justice Supremo: Labor Department? Put me through to Elaine Chao, please. (waits) Hey, Madame Secretary, it's Justice Supremo. I just want to thank you for givin' Gino a job. I was getting worried there. I thought I was gonna have to put him on a stool out by the front gate. (Listens) Yeah, those unions are the shits. Listen, they give you trouble, tell'em Nino Supremo's thinkin' the government oughtta extend NAFTA to Taiwan.

SCENE: In the psychiatrist's office

Dr. Phlemmi: I saw the article in the Post.

Justice Supremo: You should read the Washington Times. Moonies are real journalists.

Dr. Phlemmi: Is your wife upset about the publicity?

Justice Supremo: She don't know.

Dr. Phlemmi: It's all over the news.

Justice Supremo: I unplugged the TV set and told her it was broke. Hey, I had a dream. I was in this big squishy dark tunnel with ferns all around the entrance. This giant locomotive came steamin' through.

Dr. Phlemmi: Sounds like a sex fantasy.

Justice Supremo: Think so? I got a confession to make. I think about having sex with you.

Dr. Phlemmi: It's not uncommon for patients in therapy to fantasize about the therapist.

Justice Supremo: So you wanna do it?

Dr. Phlemmi: That's completely inappropriate.

Justice Supremo: Oh, I almost forgot. I can't make next week. I gotta go to the big Republican do in the California woods.

Dr. Phlemmi: A meeting in the forest?

Justice Supremo: An old campground north of San Francisco, name of Bohemian Grove. Kissinger used to go there. It's your basic Republican party -- booze, seafood, and whores. A chance for George W. Bush to meet the boss.

Dr. Phlemmi: I thought he was the boss.

Justice Supremo: (snorts derisively) Sure, and Mr. Sulu's captain of the Enterprise.

SCENE: Bohemian Grove. George Will and Rush Limbaugh are installing electronic bugs in the light fixtures.

Rush Limbaugh: Owwww! It shocked me! You know, the CIA has people to do this sort of thing.

George Will: The CIA has an operating budget. There, that's the last one.

Rush Limbaugh: Why are we spying on Republicans, anyway?

George Will: Because they're not just Republicans. They're Catholics.

Stay tuned for scenes from next week's Supremos!

Chief Justice Rehnquist, Justice Supremo, and Justice Thomas are in a rented limousine.

Justice Supremo: So what happens at these conferences, Chief?

Chief Justice Rehnquist: (shrugs) First day, guys get drunk, make speeches. Next day, they get drunker, make worse speeches. This year I think we got John Ashcroft on the new conservative mandate.

Justice Supremo: I hope these friggin' Protestants know who put them in the Oval Office.

Justice Thomas: Who?

CUT TO: the reception area at Bohemian Grove. A bellhop approaches as the three Justices exit the limousine.

Bellhop: Take your bags, gentlemen?

Justice Supremo: You look familiar.

Bellhop: It's US Representative JC Watts, Mr. Supremo.

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