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Movie
Reviews by Sen. Phil Gramm (R-Texas)
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TWO MOVIES! That's all I had to review this week folks. Not my fault
- blame Hollywood. But I'll be honest with you, I didn't really mind.
Frankly, having to go see movies every week can get to be a real pain
after a while. But I will press on regardless, so that you, my loyal readers,
can continue to get the best and most accurate moview reviews on the net.
Let's get on with it!
Crocodile
Dundee in Los Angeles
Starring Paul Hogan and Linda Kozlowski
For those of you not familiar with the Crocodile Dundee
series, here's a brief synopsis: Typical Australian male from a typical
Australian town gets confused by modern American conveniences (flushing
toilet, showers, etc) meets a foxy blonde who bends over a lot, and saves
her from snakes, crocodiles, pirates, and other everyday Australian hazards.
In this latest movie, said typical Australian heads for Los Angeles and
gets confused by modern American appliances (elevator, telephone, etc),
foxy blonde bends over a lot, everyone goes home.
With me so far? I must admit that I can sympathize with Mick Dundee though.
Every time I go to California I get really confused by the whole place.
I mean, is it just me or does everyone seem just a little bit... gay?
Plus you can't get decent grits anywhere.
So the next time you meet an Australian, please make them feel at home.
Wrestle a few crocs, bend over a lot, and for heaven's sake don't let
them urinate in the coffee maker.
 Three
Flags out of Five
Freddie
Got Fingered
Starring Tom Green and Rip Torn
It would appear that the young people of today think that
Tom Green is funny. But I don't see what's funny about him. Exhibit A:
On his TV show, Green follows a man across the street saying to him "I'm
eating a cheese sandwich" over and over again, until the man throws
a drink in his face. Is THAT funny? Exhibit B: On the same show, Green
puts his face on a city bus, saying "my face is on the bus"
over and over again, thus preventing the increasingly irate bus driver
and passengers from leaving. Is THAT funny? Exhibit C: In a press release,
Green announces that he and Monica Lewinsky have a "very important
announcement" to make. After the world's media gathers, expecting
an incredible scoop, Green announces that Monica has a new line of handbags.
Is THAT funny?
I don't think so. But let's investigate this Monica Lewinsky story a
little further shall we? After all, that's what you're interested in.
You know you can't get enough of it. So: what is the connection
between Tom Green and Monica Lewinsky? Why is he so interested in her
handbags? Rest assured, my good friend Dan Burton is putting together
a full congressional investigation as I write.
But what of the movie? Well it's another piece of Hollywood liberal propaganda
I'm afraid. The "hero" is a thirty-something male (Green) who
returns home to his parents and becomes a lazy layabout bum who can't
hold down a job - just like all Democrats. His conservative father tries
to be reasonable but Tom Green (is anyone noting the significance of the
last name?) makes his poor dad's life a misery - and why? So he can carry
on living a liberal's fantasy lifestyle, that's why!
I'm too angry to continue. I hope Mrs. Phil has my aspirin and Ronald
Reagan pajamas ready.
No
Flags out of Five
New On Video
Billy Elliot
"Just because I dance ballet doesn't make me a
poof," says our Billy. WRONG!
The
Yards
Never heard of it.
Tigerland
Nope, no idea. Sorry. Get over it!
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