|
Movie
Reviews by Sen. Phil Gramm (R-Texas)
 Tell
a friend about Phil on Films
This week's movies are surprisingly above-average Hollywood fare. Dogs,
guns, bouncing breasts, and Mexicans all feature heavily. Well, three
out of four ain't bad!
See
Spot Run
Starring David Arquette and a dog
The tagline for this movie is: The smart one isn't wearing
any pants. Heh heh, ain't that the truth! That's right, the real star
of this movie is an FBI super-pooch who sniffs up a little too much Bolivian
marching powder and ends up in the hands of a dumb mailman. The mailman
is played by David Arquette, that's the fella from them collect-call ads,
and going on this performance I'd say he's going to be using that feature
awful regular in the future. Arquette, you suck! 1-800-Y-O-U-S-U-C-K!
As for the rest of the movie, well, it's the usual old nonsense. Boy
meets dog, boy feeds dog, dog blah blah blah. Whatever. This was one dumb
movie. But... the smart one isn't wearing any pants. Heh, now that's funny!
 Two
Flags out of Five
The
Mexican
Starring Julia Roberts and Brad Pitt
I had my doubts about going to see a movie called "The
Mexican", but when I got there I discovered that it is, in fact,
a movie about Brad Pitt shooting Mexicans! Well hell, why didn't
they just call it "Brad Pitt Shoots Some Mexicans"? You can
guarantee that it would be a box office success with a title like that.
But "The Mexican"? I predict that this movie will be out of
theaters within three weeks.
Which is a shame, because it ain't bad, especially the bits where Brad
Pitt shoots Mexicans. Yeehaw! Aside from that, there's some intrigue involving
the mafia and a priceless antique pistol. I didn't quite understand that
part of the plot though.
After wasting her talent in the Erin Brockovich debacle, I was pleased
to see Julia Roberts displaying her charms in a role more suited to her.
Yes, instead of running around championing women's "rights"
and environmentalist wackoism, she runs around in a tiny tank-top like
a true Hollywood filly, standing by her man and jiggling her funbags.
Four
Flags out of Five
New On Video
Meet The Parents
An excellent instructional video for parents dealing
with potentially Jewish in-laws.
The
Flintstones in Viva Rock Vegas
The fat guy from "The Full Monty" and the
Baldwin Nobody Cares About team up for 90 minutes of crap.
Rules
Of Engagement
This is the movie that Al Gore and Joe Lieberman went
to see during Decision 2000. Heh heh! You lost! Get over it, suckers!
Sore Loserman! Get outta Cheney's house!
Tell
a friend about Phil on Films
Movie
Review Index
|
