We haven't had too much hate mail lately. Guess that's because we're such lovable
rogues. It appears that even the conservatives have a soft spot for our satirical
shenanigans. Either that or they're just a bunch of lazy bums. Come on conservatives!
Where's the outrage? Anyway, here's the latest batch, and as always...
These are all completely real. E-mail addresses and last names have been removed (well, the ones that aren't fake), but we have NOT edited them for content, grammar, or spelling.
From: -------------@hotmail.com (Ron ------)
Date: Thu, 22 Feb 2001 18:01:28 -0500
message: I got the FBI to shut down that email harassment page to President Bush.
Have a nice psychotic democrat day!
FOX NEWS FANATICS
DU RESPONDS: Um, Ron - bad news. The FBI probably get email from wackos ALL DAY. And that could be why your message ended up in their trashcan and we didn't hear a peep out of them. Better luck next time.
Me Right Round, Baby
From: "Cathy ---------" <----------@home.com>
Date: Mon, 26 Feb 2001 09:05:20 -0800
Subject: Your page is full of propaganda, half-truths and trash
You will never do as well as the conservative web pages such as Druge Report, and Newmax.com because you have to "SPIN" to commentate. "SPIN" = LIES and democrats are particularly good at it.
You can't find columinist because the DEMOCRATIC PARTY HAS TURNED INTO A BUNCH OF LYING, SPINNING CRIMINALS LIKE YOUR BELOVED PRESIDENT. .
DU RESPONDS: Cathy, we hate to admit it, but you're right. We went over to www.drugereport.com and www.newmax.com and goshdarnit, we couldn't find a single lie or fabrication.
Cathy Again! Hey Cathy!
From: "Cathy ---------" <------@-----.net>
Date: Mon, 26 Feb 2001 12:07:23 -0800
Subject: gore is a loser. na-na-na-na-na
DU RESPONDS: Whoops, looks like Cathy's meds wore off before she managed to write a message.
Somebody Think Of The Children?
Date: Mon, 26 Feb 2001 17:33:22 EST
Subject: sick people
You are a bunch of sick little boys and girls. Get over yourselves and get some real jobs.
DU RESPONDS: Would you believe it? When we are not working at DU we actually hold jobs as pediatricians at the local children's hospital. Thus we do indeed spend most of our day with a bunch of sick little boys and girls! Sir, are you psychic?
No, Now WE'RE Conservative Idiots!
From: email@example.com (Conservative Idiot)
Date: Mon, 12 Mar 2001 14:20:37 -0500
Subject: Democratic Underground
Below is the result of your feedback form. It was submitted by Conservative Idiot (firstname.lastname@example.org) on Monday, March 12, 2001 at 14:20:37
because: Your column is boring, and the reasons yu give for your nominations, are utterly absurb. Your nominees and the reasons you give are so trite and inane it borders on the idiotic.
Submit: Submit .
DU RESPONDS: Argh! Skewered on the pointy stick of our own Idiots submission form... oh, the irony... the overwhelming irony...
Successfully Reads Between The Lines
From: "Keith --------" <---------@--.--.com>
Reply-To: "Keith --------" <---------@--.--.com>
Date: Thu, 1 Mar 2001 19:21:08 -0500
For this intern position, must one perform intern duties similar to those performed by the White House intern staff on the last Democrat president?
DU RESPONDS: You bet your sweet buns, Keith baby. Are you in?
You Miss Something Important?
From: "RONDALD ------" <-------@prodigy.net>
Date: Wed, 7 Mar 2001 22:56:55 -0500
Subject: lieing ass democrat lunatics
You waco democrats should all be underground. Long live president elect Bush.
Hi Rondald (if that's your real name, assuming that you can
spell your own name of course). Sorry, but we're not from Waco. And I think
that your parent or guardian must have neglected to tell you that Bush was inaugurated
on January 20th.