It would appear that some conservatives just don't get it. They either labor under the misapprehension that we care about their attempts to debate, or they simply throw insults at us. And yet still they fail to realize that their carefully crafted, well thought out, well-argued prose ("fuck yu, librals!") will end up here, in the hate mailbag. Apparently it is even de rigeur amongst conservatives to claim that appearing in the hate mailbag is some kind of "badge of honor." Well, okay. If you really want literally thousands of people from all over the world to have a good laugh at your witless expense, that's fine by us. Thanks for the free content!
These are all completely real. E-mail addresses and last names have been removed (well, the ones that aren't fake), but we have NOT edited them for content, grammar, or spelling.
Let's Start With An Easy One
Date: Wed, 25 Jul 2001 11:58:36 EDT
If Reagan was so bad, why did he get 525 electoral votes? Why did the economy turn up at the end of Bush senior's term? Why did the economy turn down at the end of Clinton's term? Why are so many things named after Reagan? Why is nobody nameing things after Clinton? (except the guy's own library?) Are all (or any) of Stossel's facts inaccurate? Do Democrats think they can spend our money better than we can? Why did CNN's poll rank Reagan #1 president of all time? Wasnt Clinton impeached? Do you have any real answers? Or are you just gonna call me an idiot too?
DU RESPONDS: You're an idiot.
Pedant Of The Month Award Goes To Betty
From: "Betty -------" <------------@home.com>
Date: Tue, 10 Jul 2001 21:47:02 -0500
Subject: Who are you favorite 5 senators?
You have the audacity to write about Bush! You liberals are masters at dumbing down Americans and it shows. I'm sure you don't know it, but in my subject line quoted from your article, the word "you" is incorrect. What can you expect from stupid people though? I will send that article to my friends.
DU RESPONDS: Thanks for bringing that message board typo to our attention, Betty. Please let us know what your friends think of this egregious error, won't you? If you really have any friends, that is.
Hey Betty, Don't Forget To Write Your Friends About This Guy Too!
From: ---@------.com (Corporate Joe Sixpak)
Date: Fri, 13 Jul 2001 12:48:18 -0400
Subject: DEMO-RATS: The Party of Sheep
As a GOPMobster its refreshing to find Left-Wing Extremists websites to provoke responses from the Illiterate Left so to expose, for the youth you have corrupted into believeing, what the Party of Sheep really represents!Keep it up....
DU RESPONDS: Hmmm... I'd be extremely careful throwing around accusations of illiteracy if I were you, Mr. Sixpak.
The Empty Threats Of The Sad And Lonely
From: Anne --------- <----@pacbell.net>
Date: Thu, 12 Jul 2001 08:56:11 -0700
Subject: Your Friend LeRoy
I was Right you are Nazi's. I will forward you site to Mr. A. Hackworth and Assoc. I sure they will vist you site, and provide hours of entertainment to your members.
DU RESPONDS: Steady now. I almost laughed my spleen out.
Oh No, Someone's Discovered Our Secret
Date: Sat, 14 Jul 2001 03:07:08 -0400
Subject: Anyone Dumb enough to be a Democrat!
What a bunch of CRAP! YOU PEOPLE make it up as you go along having no respect for the truth whatsoever! Who do you think you are fooling?
DU RESPONDS: We're not fooling you, obviously. Rush was right when he told you that you were far too smart for that.
I Voted Totalitarian, And Won!
From: "Fur Hole" <Fur.Hole@------.---.com>
Date: Sat, 14 Jul 2001 21:33:14 -0700
Subject: New York Times
The NEW YORK TIMES article of Sunday July 15th, 2001 states that there was no evidence of fraud on the part of the Bush campaign or the Republicans in FL last November (I won't speak for the DemRats). If even this left wing socialist rag says that don't you think it's time to move on?
DU RESPONDS: Well, Mr. "Fur Hole," I think you might be right. Now that our commie puppetmaster the New York Times has reported that overseas military ballots which were cast after election day were illegally counted in Republican but not Democratic counties, and that some people cast multiple ballots, and that some overseas ballots arrived with U.S. postmarks, and that some overseas ballots didn't have postmarks or signatures, and that the Pentagon handed out private email addresses to GOP operatives, and that Katherine Harris had a GOP "war room" set up in her office... yep, there's nothing to see here. I think we'll just shut up and never mention it again.
Just Both Sides Of The Facts, Ma'am
Date: Mon, 16 Jul 2001 02:52:55 -0400
Subject: This Site
Because it shows just how much you don't know about what is going on with our country, And just how one sided you are. If you are going to report lies atleast show both sides of the facts(and by what we have seen you have none.)
DU RESPONDS: What do you mean, one-sided? We're at LEAST as fair and balanced as Fox News!
Hello, My Name Is Delusional
Date: Tue, 17 Jul 2001 00:14:58 EDT
Subject: fuck you
You might be a Republican if you support censorship? What are you trying to fool us or are you that fucking retarded? Joe Lieberman is all I have to say in response to that. Imagine if Gore actually won the election? You would have to show an ID to play a video game at an arcade... R rated movies would be treated like NC-17 movies ... certain CDs would be banned. If that commie Gore won that election, which contrary to your delusions he didn't, I would probably be typing this message from my new home in Canada. Bush has accomplished more in his first 6 months than Clinton did in his entire Presidency ... all the media can do to make Bush look bad is say he looks like a monkey. Clinton was one of the worst Presidents we have ever had ... and had a 70% approval rating at the end of his 2nd term! Bush has a 52-58% approval rating depending who you ask ... at the same point in his first term Clinton's was around 40%... they're saying Bush is a failure because only a slight MAJORITY of his constituents in a country where the media is so far left it makes me puke (they actually expect me to believe Bush is far-right) approves of him. I hope you liberal cowards post my message so my rant wasn't typed in vain....
DU RESPONDS: Curse you, commie, socialist, Democrap liberal media, for constantly saying that Bush looks like a monkey. Yeah, I'm talking to you Dan Rather. Cut it out with the monkey name-calling, okay? I've seen you doing it, you liberal swine. And the rest of you rotten Stalinist news media better stop doing it too. These constant prime-time news reports about Bush looking like a monkey had better stop right now. And fancy telling us that just because Bill Clinton had a 70% approval rating, people must have thought he was a good president. You leftist rascals.
Blah Blah Blah
From: "James ----------" <----@hotmail.com>
Date: Tue, 17 Jul 2001 17:52:52
Subject: hate mailbag
Has DU ever heard of the Electoral College ? It was created to prevent exactly the type of "victory" you would have liked. Without it, a small group of populous states ( like NY, CA, IL ) could determine the outcome of the election. Hell, in such a system why bother campaigning in swing states like MO,IA,GA,KY,etc. Without broad appeal, you cannot become president. Thank God the founding fathers had more sense than you. You rant in a reply words to the effect, "Aren't you bothered that the president was elected by a minority of the country?" What WOULD bother me is if the winner of a minority of the states' popular vote ( I believe Gore won only 21 of 50 states ) became president. You'll find that there has NEVER been a case where the loser of the EC has become president. Further, doesn't it bother you that Gore lost his own state, lost WV ( it's more pathetic to lose WV as a Dem than to lose your own state !!! ) and lost NH ( right in the heart of leftist New England ) ? A win in any ONE of those states would have given Gore the presidency !!!!! Perhaps you should direct your anger at Al Gore and his abysmal campaign.
By the way, a small group of racist, homophobic idiots that write you does not represent the vast majority of Republicans just like a bunch of robotic morons who can't punch a ballet does not represent the Democratic Party as a whole.
"Oh baby, the adults are back in charge..."
DU RESPONDS: Phew, you're right there. Thank God some of us Democrats know how to punch a ballet. You should have been there the other week when Swan Lake started chatting up my girlfriend. POW! Went down like a sack of potatoes.
Oh Baby, The Adults Are Back In Charge
Date: Wed, 18 Jul 2001 11:36:25 -0400
Subject: fuck you
you are assholes
DU RESPONDS: Hang on, didn't we do the "adults are back in charge" joke a couple of weeks ago?
Oh Baby, The Adults Are Back In Charge, Part 2
Date: Wed, 18 Jul 2001 15:56:27 -0400
Subject: y2k election
loser,loser,loser,oser,loser,lo ser,loser,loser,loser,loser,los er,loser,loser,loser,loser....oh yeah, you know Chris Lahane? Loser,loser,loser,loser,loser,l oser,loser,loser. See you in 2002, a Florida voter who CAN vote for the candidate I want elected! One more thing: Rush Limbaugh is a big, fat, RICH idiot!!!!!!!
DU RESPONDS: Right, that's enough "adults are back in charge" jokes.
We Deeply, Deeply Apologize If We Have Offended Any Socially Aware Readers
From: ------------@mail.com (david -------)
Date: Mon, 23 Jul 2001 21:20:42 -0400
Subject: i am appalled by your use of the words "cow" and "whore"
they seriously undermine your message, and probably make most of you socially aware readers cringe, and will reduce your readership - i am too embarrassed to forward this to my friends, even though they would value (mot of) your work.
DU RESPONDS: You make a good point, and you are right, of course. That's why in future we shall not be referring to Ms. Katherine Harris as a "cow" or a "whore." We shall instead be using the words, "skank" and "slut." Thank you.