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Hate Mailbag No. 25

It's been another busy few months for the Hate Mailbag, and our intrepid staff of trained helper monkeys have been delving through piles of correspondence from those friendly neighborhood conservatives. Oh yes, we've got morans (HUGH morans), more than a few asshats, and - praise Jesus - the occasional fucktard. So now the monkeys have been fed, the Mailbag is in the, uh, bag, and it's time for you all to sit back and enjoy the intellectual meanderings of some of the finest minds the right has to offer. Don't say we didn't warn you. As usual, these emails have not been edited in ANY WAY, except to preserve the anonymity of the senders. Believe me, you don't want to waste your time harrassing this bunch.

Brainiac Parade

Orginsaze! Orginsaze! Orginsaze!
From: ------ <------@progenydental.com>
To: mail@democraticunderground.com
Date: Thu, 3 Mar 2005 07:43:53 -0600


DU RESPONDS:  Okay, here's one you can thank me for later: SpellCheck.net really sucks nuts! What a bunch of Bush-loving fascists!

Cursive You, Howard Dean
From: --------@datasync.com
To: mail@democraticunderground.com
3/10/2005 3:08 PM
Subject: conservative idiot

Howard Dean is the ultimate idiot. He uses cursive languange like it meaned anything positive and even Kerry critisized him, not wanting him to be part of his campaign. Dean spouts hate because he is egotistical and power hungry. He brings embarrassment to the Democrats because of his insane antics. He is also a hypocrit, having put down other fellow democrats because they thought he wasn't the best man. Yet he has never come up with any alternate solution to anything. But I guess if he toes the party line, you can't touch him.

DU RESPONDS:  As Howard Dean might say:

You Must Be Joking
From: --------@hotmail.com
To: mail@democraticunderground.com
3/16/2005 7:53 PM
Subject: Bill O'Reilly Accusations

Dear Democratic Underground,

I was quite surprised when you posted an article claiming that Bill O'Reilly said on his radio show that he was glad the murdered judge was dead. You did say it was uncorroborated, but it still had impact. When it was found out the claim was obviously false, all you did was delete the article. You have defamed Mr. O'Reilly's character, and the only professional thing to do is to issue a retraction on your website and send Mr. O'Reilly a written apology. Every news group makes mistakes; I just hope you can own up to yours.

Eric ----

DU RESPONDS:  Tell you what - I'll send Bill O'Reilly an apology when Bed Bath & Beyond starts selling falafels.

Tin Foil Time
From: ----------@aol.com
To: mail@democraticunderground.com
3/19/2005 2:05 AM
Subject: underground? I wish.

To whom it may concern:

I just wanted to comment that I used to be a democrat. And I now seriously question my sanity at that time. It seems to me now, that the democratic parties soul purpose is to scream, yell and make as big an ass as possible of oneself. Have you no morals? When I think of a democrat, the things that come to mind are this. The destruction of the family, gay marriage, nastiness that sinks to all time lows when it comes to your feelings of the republican party, liars, cheaters, swindlers, atheists who discriminate against Christians especially. And guess what? More and more of America is starting to feel that way every day. You guys are even starting to lose the minority vote due to your irresponsibility, your lying cheating ways, your self righteousness. There is no low that you all are not willing to stoop to. When someone tells me that they are a democrat, despicable is always the first word that pops into my mind. And I can honestly say that I do not know one other person who does not feel the same way. Are you all so moronic that you can't see that your doing yourselves in a little more everyday? The worst that I've seen, by far, is your beloved psychopath Barbara Boxley. Hey guys, lets let the corrupt UN come on in and monitor our elections. Hey, why don't we just let 'em take over America while their at it? A little pay off would have fixed the elections right up, correct? No wonder she wanted them to come into our country and take over. Do you guys honestly think that one single American would stand for that for one moment? You are all crazy. And I just wish for two seconds you all would shut the hell up. I cannot even cut my television on anymore because all you do is whine and snot and cry like two year olds. I'm speaking on behalf of every human being that I know, by the way.


DU RESPONDS:  Do your three dozen housecats count as human beings?

Land Of The Banned

Life After Seth, Chapter One
From: Seth G. ----- <----@---.com>
To: mail@democraticunderground.com
3/16/2005 3:37 PM
Subject: Hi there!


My posting privileges have been revoked. I used a different email address and a new log-in and got the same result. What gives?

Keep fighting the good fight!


Life After Seth, Chapter Two
From: Seth G. ----- <----@---.com>
To: mail@democraticunderground.com
3/16/2005 6:35 PM
Subject: Banned??

Hi there!

I was banned, but my message wasn't deleted. I was actually banned from my other email and made a new account and it got banned, too! What the heck?? Anyway, keep fighting the good fight and PLEASE let me back in!


No more Bulshitler!

Life After Seth, Chapter Three
From: Seth G. ----- <----@---.com>
To: mail@democraticunderground.com
3/16/2005 6:50 PM
Subject: USername block


My username is "zuggy." Please unblock me!


Life After Seth, Chapter Four
From: Seth G. ----- <----@---.com>
To: mail@democraticunderground.com
3/16/2005 7:47 PM
Subject: Me again

Hey there,

Still unable to log-in as "zuggy." What's the hold up? It took literally three minutes for me to lose my privileges, and at least 5 hours of emailing to get them back. What did I do to deserve this???

Life After Seth, Epilogue
From: Seth G. ----- <----@---.com>
To: mail@democraticunderground.com
3/23/2005 12:54 PM
Subject: Hi again

Well, you never responded to me. I guess I understand now what I did wrong. I didn't completely agree with every half-baked, emotionally driven conspiracy theory spouted on your forums. I may have even questioned someone who made a point based solely on heresay and the party line. Looking through your messageboards, and reading the ridiculous bullshit you so-called "Democrats" are clinging to with such fevered desperation has left me feeling sad. I'm sad that the fringe element is now what people consider to be the Democratic party. I used to be proud to be a Democrat, but to associate myself with you people and your pathetic caterwauling would be an open invite for functioning members of society to ridicule me. I'm throwing in the towel and can only hope for a new party, one that isn't over-flowing with Jesus humpers or screeching banshee hippy "activists" who know nothing of Hitler but cling to the belief that George Bush is almost the same thing.

I know you won't respond to this, except to maybe offer some half-assed derision on your hate mail page, because you discourage people from acting as anything less than extremists with their heads in the sand. I'm so sad to see the Democratic party reduced to psychopaths clinging to their ideals while cowering in the corner, sucking their thumbs. Good work alieniating normal people with your retardness!

Happy Trails,
Von Kaiser

DU RESPONDS:  Well gee, what happened to "No more Bulshitler?"

Go Freep Yourself
From: matt ----- <------@usa.com>
To: mail@democraticunderground.com
4/9/2005 12:18 AM
Subject: Please reinstate my privilges.

After reviewing my entries that caused me to lose my privilges, I realize now that they were outside the bounds of "acceptable dialouge"- since, my revocation, I have gotten a frontal labotmay so I think now I am more in tume to your discussion board- can I please now come back and partake in your assenine line of discussion? Please, please, please- I will filt in so much more now that I have use absolutely no logic at all in my thinking. I want a forum that only accepts one ideaology, c'mon, please?

DU RESPONDS:  Well no wonder you were banned. No use for logic, one ideology, AND a lobotomy, you say? I think this site is looking for new members. Hoo-yah!

Question Of The Day
From: ron -------- <ron_--------@yahoo.com>
To: mail@democraticunderground.com
4/12/2005 10:56 AM
Subject: why did you pull me from your forum?

its all about the lies and filth you spew,,,,,,,you are sore losers,,,,and you always will be,,,,,,you suck,,,,,,,,,,,,,and you always will,,,,

DU RESPONDS:  Aw, do I REALLY have to answer the question?

Another One Bites The Dust
From: ---------@msn.com
To: mail@democraticunderground.com
5/7/2005 10:33 AM
Subject: Thank you for proving me right.

You just confirmed all I beleive thank you for proving to me how liberals are extreme hippocrats if you truly beleived in freedom of speach wouldnt you have let me bring the truthinto your message board? Let me thank you one more time for proving that I am right and your wrong once again.


Lost On The Internets

Know Your Democrats
From: jill ---- <-----_--@msn.com>
To: mail@democraticunderground.com
3/22/2005 2:10 PM
Subject: conservative idiot


I don't know how I got to this hideous site, but....

There are no republican idiots....THE IDIOTS ARE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE AISLE!

So...it's hard to pick from the bunch, but I guess I will nominate the favorite Democratic Idiot..


DU RESPONDS:  Do you even know the names of any other Democrats? And no, Zell Miller and Alan Colmes don't count.

If You Like Jelly Donuts, You'll Love This Email
From: ----@westwindmusic.com
To: mail@democraticunderground.com
4/17/2005 1:56 PM
Subject: Greetings

I got lost and came upon your site.

I realized right away that you are far more lost than I am. Long live Fox News, President Bush and all freedom loving people of the world. Liberalism, like Socialism (communism in slo-mo) is bound to implode since there is no substance to support the walls from the pressures of reality. Only a lot of hot air based on weakness, cowardice, pretentiousness, laziness, permissiveness (except for opposing views), reliance on others appeasement of bullies (and you know that can never work) and a vicious hatred of anything that is does not appear warm and fuzzy.

Liberals are the weak and stupid, easily-led losers of our world. That is why the Left has such hopes for support by the young voter. You know .. the young voter with the vacant "where's my jelly donut going to come from" look in their eyes. This is hardly the enlightened constituency needed to make sound choice in this dangerous world. The young voter you continually seek to bolster your number of unenlightened voters doesn't bother to vote ... because they are too stupid to figure out how to get their Liberal supplier of jelly-donuts in a position where they can rob hard working people to waste on Liberals who line up every time for the elusive jelly-donut.

Conservatives, know how to get their jelly-donut, they earn it the old fashioned way. They vote for a government that will protect them from a Liberal government that will take the donut away, eat most of it then give the crumbs to you .... you fucking idiot.

Good luck suckas!!! As I sees it .. .your finished.


Canada of all places.

DU RESPONDS:  Jelly donuts.

Random Ninnies

Mulder And Scully And Bonzer
From: John & Chris <-------@megalink.net>
To: mail@democraticunderground.com
4/14/2005 3:27 AM
Subject: No scull & bonzer.

Hi So why did you stop me from posting? No scull & bonzer. I would really like to know!! Are the You what you appear to be? {low life} ? founders of this board scared of someone who want to Impeach bush? YOU MAKE ME SICK TO MY STOMACH BANNING SOMEONE FOR A LITTLE TRUTH!! You should move to China{no free speech} there!!

DU RESPONDS:  Sir, put your hands up and slowly step away from the paint thinner.

A, Uh, Liberal Democrat Gay Liberal Against Death Penalty Speaks
From: ------------@hotmail.com
To: mail@democraticunderground.com
4/12/2005 1:31 PM
Subject: how did you vote on terri schiavo?

i suppose all you left wing cunts didnt care about terri

well i voted for reagan twice and kerry in 2004 but the terri case will make me vote for more republicans and im like a liberal democrat gay liberal against death penalty
all your cunts like klinton etc voted for the death penalty anyway

prepare to see less dems in congerss probably, thanks to all you ultra left wing fucks!!

DU RESPONDS:  This must be what Christopher Hitchens sounds like when he's drunk.

You Liberals Are Pansies!
From: Infidel Avenger <-----------@yahoo.com>
To: mail@democraticunderground.com
4/13/2005 12:20 PM
Subject: RE: Radical Approach

I read a on a blog that DU expects there to be a confrontation between the religious right who want a theocracy and you socialist fiends. The fact is, I am not a religious man, far from it, but I would be more than happy to lodge a few bullets in your diseased fascist Socialist brains (if they can be called such) should such a war come between men of faith who love America and you dirty cocksuckers who do all you can to subvert your own goddamn country! Besides, you pansies wouldn't even lift a gun to keep your own mothers from being raped. How do you expect to fight a bloody war? HA! Losers.

DU RESPONDS:  Corporal Avenger of the 101st Fighting Keyboardists, I accept your challenge! Since you're probably glued to your chair by a combination of stale sweat and dried semen, we shall have to fight this out in traditional Internet fashion. To the death! Let battle commence!








No, Wait, I Changed My Mind, You Liberals Are Dangerous!
From: Infidel Avenger <-----------@yahoo.com>
To: mail@democraticunderground.com
4/13/2005 5:06 PM
Subject: I Take It Back

Dear Pansies, I take back what I said about calling you pansies who wouldn't pick up a gun to save your own mothers from being raped. After reconsidering, it occurred to me that fascist Socialists are often the first to take up arms and line people up against the wall (see Vietnam, Cambodia, Soviet Russia, China, etc.). Hell, I mean, look in this country - Bush/Cheney offices raided and trashed by union thugs in 2004, conservative speakers constantly hit with pies or worse when they speak, cars with Bush stickers keyed, and a general tendency towards violence as a first resort. I love the new Kill Bush tee shirts, real class there (by the way, wasn't it a Lefty who killed Pym Fortuyn in Holland?). Anyhow, hope to see you all on the front lines someday in the Great American Religious War you've so recently predicted. With all of the killing you radical Internationalists have done in the past half-century, it's time we got some! Can't wait to put y ou out of your misery. Bullets-R-Us! Ta-Ta, Faeries!

DU RESPONDS:  I don't think so - see, I know your Achilles' heel. All I have to do is post this picture:

...and you'll spend the rest of the day wanking yourself unconscious.

How To Completely Miss The Point
From: ---------@netscape.net
To: mail@democraticunderground.com
4/13/2005 6:59 PM
Subject: civility

Are your rules to not be followed by the administrators?
"There are no exceptions to these civility rules. You cannot attack someone because they attacked you first, or because that person "deserved it," or because you think someone is a disruptor. We consider it a personal attack to call a liar a liar, to call a moron a moron, or to call a jerk a jerk."
Then what is this?

DU RESPONDS:  Sorry, but since you're quoting the message board rules, and the people we bash in the Top 10 are not members of the message board, it's perfectly okay for us to call them - and you - whatever rude names we can think of. Nice try though, better luck next time!

God Bless America, Part One
From: ---------@aol.com
To: mail@democraticunderground.com
4/29/2005 7:29 AM
Subject: republican idiots

the only idiots that i observe are thecommie fags who are a bunch of unamerican shit faced ass kissing queers.

DU RESPONDS:  Thomas Jefferson couldn't have said it better himself.

Someone Hasn't Been Paying Attention
From: Ken ------- <-----@mchsi.com>
To: skinner@democraticunderground.com
5/2/2005 3:52 PM
Subject: no subject

Why are demoncrats wrong all the time? It never ceases to amaze me how you people unerringly take the wrong side of an issue every time.

DU RESPONDS:  You mean like Iraq having weapons of mass destruction? Iraq having links to al Qaeda? Iraq having a connection to 9/11? Iraqis throwing flowers at the feet of our soldiers? The war paying for itself? The troops coming home by Christmas? The war makes the world safer? Tax cuts for the rich reducing the deficit and balancing the budget? Privatization solving the Social Security shortfall? Saying you support the troops and then closing down dozens of military bases and putting thousands out of work? Improving the economy by outsourcing jobs to India? Trying and failing to change Senate rules as part of an unconstitutional partisan power-grab? I'm sorry, what were you saying?

God Bless America, Part Two
From: --------@bellsouth.net
To: mail@democraticunderground.com
5/11/2005 4:01 PM
Subject: dumbass democrats

It would be such a greater America if people like that drunk Teddy K. ....you know ..the one that killed the young lady in the water and others such as the awful Clintons who should be executed for their crimes, the Kerry's and the just plain morons like Jesse ( black racist) Jackson and the thugs that run the two biggest racist organizations in America, the NAACP and the KKK.......if they were only gone forever,life for all would improve, The liberal agenda that these sick people spout is a cancer that needs to be stamped out.

DU RESPONDS:  Yes, executing anyone we don't like would surely make America a much better place. It's what the Founding Fathers would have wanted!

How Not To Use Email
From: ---------@uslink.net
To: mail@democraticunderground.com
5/8/2005 8:15 AM
Subject: you ladies reallly get your pink panties in a bunch when someone says anything against queers/ you ever read the bible? its plain, unless you choose to interpet it to fit your own sick beliefs

DU RESPONDS:  Um, you know you don't have to type your entire message into the subject line, right?

I Know You Are But...
From: --------@yahoo.com
To: earlg@democraticunderground.com
5/11/2005 4:47 PM
Subject: Unbelievable

What a group of mindless idiots you all are. And no, I can't be redundant enough. What a waste of brain power. Would be nice if you and your readers could find something to do that would actually be beneficial to society. How very sad that you need to trash others to make yourselves feel worthwhile.

DU RESPONDS:  Hey, YOU'RE the one writing the hate mail...

Well, If You Insist
From: -----------@knology.net
To: mail@democraticunderground.com
5/12/2005 9:59 PM
Subject: A question for Auntie Pinko

Why are Dems weak on defense? Answer: LBJ, Jimmy Carter, Bill(do nothing about terror) Clinton, John(let the UN talk about it) Kerry, Democratic chicken shirts in the senate, secdefs like McNamara and Les Aspen. This could go on for pages.

Gene in Tennessee.

Be sure and make fun of hillbillies if you reply. I would expect nothing less.

DU RESPONDS:  Cue dueling banjos! So, have yer diddled yer sister lately or are yer stickin' to the family cow? What's that? They're the same thing? Yee-haw!

The Most Boring Email Of All Time
From: -.-.---@prodigy.net
To: mail@democraticunderground.com
5/15/2005 10:13 PM
Subject: Tough Times

Tough times for democrates. Bolton will get the nomination as the country views the democrats as nuclear obstructionists. Be careful for you know not what you do. The pulse of the citizens is that immigration will rule the day along with the war. This will hurt the dems hugely and reflects another major tactical blunder. Also reflects very poorly on the clinton legacy. Another horrible problem for the dems is that "we the people" know that the UN is under corrupt control. Not realizing that we don't trust the UN and then telling everyone that we need to trust the UN is unbelievably moronic. The republicans can easily sieze on that issue and cause great damage. More problems for dems in the next election will be homosexual obsessions, abortion (celebrating the success of 44 million plus abortions is sick, twisted and so profoundly out of control, I can't imagine that anyone in their right mind would ever be proud of that statistic), hillary (you think you have lock on hate, wait until another corrupt clinton is supported for a leadership position in 2008), pelosi (her vanity is getting the best of her, she looks like she's wearing one of those plastic halloween faces, she resinates absolutely nothing but hateful tripe), ted kennedy (I don't even know anyone who thinks this man is a great thinker), byrd (fool of fools) and of course kerry (probably the worst candidate ever to lose the last election to bush). Todays dems will be precieved as obstructionists not willing to fight for the country they live in yet are totally willing to thwart the constitution (not good). A new phenom is gaining momentum, the back lash towards Universities and their outspoken liberal ideologies. I gaurantee that every liberal educational institution will take a huge hit in their fund raising programs because parents demand education over liberal indoctrination. Watch how fast the mouthy university liberals are quited as the money stops coming in. I am very well connected with the UC system in CA and they are extremely worried because the gifts have already slowed considerably. This ex-democrat, loyal for 17 years, still believes in common sense and sees a sad future for the party. Dems have not learned anything from the last 5 years. Hate, pesonal destruction, homosexual obsession, constant bad news war stories, and an inept crew leading the party (pelosi, kennedy, biden, ried, clinton) are already destroying decades of hard work from ethical, moral hard working democrats. Sadly the democrat party is quite comfortable mired in hypocricy, how embarrassing is that? As a friend, I warn you all that the path the dems are on will bury them. One more thing, no matter how hard dems try to portray clinton as someone great, the truth won't go away. Monica, North Korea, Aspin Factory, Gonzales, Reno, Albright, Gore, and this is barely touching the realities of a not so great president. Wake up, there is certainly more to gain by searching for honost moral decent politicians unlike the current ilk. As you can tell, this is one democrat that clearly views clinton as the worst thing that ever happened to the once great party.To bad the liberal media has such a lust for the clintons, they very well may be the ruination of the party forever and just how the hell do you think bush got elected in the first place. Let me spell it out, the country responded to the awful, corrupt, and arragont clinton administration. Not understanding that will only fuel the dems destruction. Dems, good luck, Respectfully S Smith.

DU RESPONDS:  Oh, God, my brain, my fucking brain. Ow, argh. Make it stop.

Taking The Term "Independent" To A Whole New Level Of Retardedness
From: -------@aol.com
To: mail@democraticunderground.com
5/19/2005 11:48 PM
Subject: Two sides of the same coin

Sirs -
First I would like to say that I am not a fundamentalist and that the problem with fundamentalist is that they take the bible to literal where they should not and not literal enough where they should; but..but, I have read a few of the articles you have posted on this site and have come to realize that the writers, or some of them, tend to think the same way fundamentalist do just in the other direction. Dogmatic evolutionist are a pain in the ass just as much as dogmatic creationist. Both sides stretch and twist the truth to fit their idealogies. Both sides come to a conclusion first and then fit their evidences to fit their conclusions. Lets face it, both creation and evolution takes a whole lot of faith because there both just theories.
When I hear Dogmatic Creationist preach I get sickened and visa-versa with Dogmatic Evolutions. I cannot wait until both sides are sent packing in politics. How has it come to this? I mean what the hell has happened? Do not get me wrong for I personally believe that fundamentalism is a cancer but when YOU preach the same crap, again only in the opposite direction, no one's really going to listen to you either.
Well that's my two cents, I'm going to vote for Lynden LaRoache next round Ha/Ha. See ya suck eggs.

Marc - ----

DU RESPONDS:  Oh, Marc, baby, Lyndon LaRouche is licking his chops just thinking about getting his paws on you.

Boldly Failing To Go Where 70,000+ People Have Gone So Easily Before
From: ------@verizon.net
To: mail@democraticunderground.com
5/22/2005 8:05 PM
Subject: waste of time

Your sign-in system is so screwed up as to be a waste of time. I've done your dysfunctional registration four times in two days and still can't access your site. Ten years on the internet and this is one of the worst setup systems that I have ever wasted time on. Your not worth the hassle.

DU RESPONDS:  Well piss off then.

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