Those who are parents... how do you talk to your children about American wars?

[undeterred]

I don't have children, and this seems to me like it would be one of the tough parts of raising children. :shrug:

[seabeyond]

1. lay out the history, the reasonings on both sides and now a days my kids are not only

reading it in magazines, but my oldest went to inform himself on both libya and japan situation over spring break, using du as one of his sources. i was surprised and thrilled to see him do that. we listen to bbc and npr on car radio.

i give them all the facts and know that i have..... then leave it there with them

[LWolf]

2. My kids are grown.

I tell them not to ever spend our blood on war.

[abelenkpe]

25. My son is six. I tell him the same thing. nt

[LWolf]

29. And I tell the same to my grandson. nt

[Xithras]

3. It's not that hard.

Just keep the message simple and consistent. "War is evil. So are the men who perpetuate it."

[pacalo]

16. I agree. And let them know the values of diplomacy.

[Kennah]

4. While I don't recommend this ...

... a couple of coworkers at my last job used, and I'm not exaggerating, "You'd better start performing better in school. Your only other choices are the Army. You want to go off to Iraq or Afghanistan?"

Maybe I completely misunderstood the delivery of the message.

I have a 10 year old, and I'm struggling with what to say to him, and when, on the issue of war.

I suppose I'm going to try to dispassionately lay out the facts. I'm contemplating renting "Why We Fight", but I'm not sure he'll sit still to watch the whole thing.

At times, I have popped off with something, perhaps not expertly polished, that sounds like, "Great another unjust war. How many years is this one going to last? How long will our kids have to go over there and fight?"

[undeterred]

6. Who made "Why We Fight"?

I haven't heard of it.

[Kennah]

10. Eugene Jarecki

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Why_We_Fight_%282005_film%29

[Kennah]

11. This is the other "Why We Fight", and the 2005 film does reference it

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Why_We_Fight

[Change Happens]

5. I did last night, it went like this:

Gaddafi is a very bad man, has a history of abusing his own people, has a history of attacking civilians (terrorism against unarmed civilians...etc.), now he has been carpet bombing civilians in his own country...

The good people in the world: Canada, UK, France, Denmark, Qatar, Italy, Spain, UAE...etc. all wanted to stop him, President Obama of course wanted to help, so we are.

Went pretty well I thought...

[JoePhilly]

23. +1

[Hangingon]

7. We explain the issues and discuss the implications.

With today's crises it is difficult to talk about one action without discussing other coountries in the area. Kids need to understand something of the reality of war. For many, playing video game in the air conditioned living room where you can kill hundreds is their reference.

[pitohui]

8. how did you parents talk to you about war? (curious!)

i don't have children either, my parents were of the old school where one doesn't talk about stuff but i was born before the days of oprah

i think all this "stuff" on teevee about parents and children having all these deep, serious talks is...well...it's teevee

do people really sit around talking about war with children IRL? it's about as likely as parents and kids sitting around talking about sex...by the time that conversation happens, the kids already know about stuff the parents are NEVER gonna wanna talk about with their kids

when i'm around kids, something i try to avoid but it does happen, it seems like most of the conversation is about who's hitting and who's got what goodies i want and i'm hungry, are we there yet?

like look at that post #7 "we discuss the situation and the implications!" oh god, really? with KIDS? i suppose it's proof that i'm a trivial person and this poster a serious, concerned one...but honestly...who wants to sit around discussing the issues with a bunch of kids, discussing it w. half or more of the adults around here exposes you to enough inanity

[undeterred]

13. The war of my parents generation was WWII

which wasn't really ambiguous. I had two uncles who served. But the ethics of the American involvement in that war was very black and white. My parents loved Roosevelt.

The vietnam war was going on while I was in elementary school- and there were graphic pictures on the television every night. Protests were going on and the country was in an uproar. My parents talked about it all the time, so I'm not sure if I really understood it but I certainly knew that my parents were against American involvement in it. We were watching the television when they instituted the draft and drew the birthdays. My younger brother's birthday was the very first one drawn, but he was only a baby. So at a fairly young age I understood that this war was a bad war and was different than WWII.

Edit: It was really hard to get my uncles who served to talk about it- it was something they just didn't want to do, but as they got older and we kept asking they finally told us a few things. One uncle was on a ship that was sunk in the Pacific (the Princeton), and the other was in Italy during some of the worst battles of the war.

[pitohui]

31. yes mine as well

it was understood that my dad joined the army to get off the farm and if by chance he killed a few nazis (he didn't) then that would be cool too

somehow i don't think this is the lesson about war we want "children" to learn -- that one joins the army to get off the farm and see the world and if someone else gets killed, whatev...

therefore my parents didn't talk much about it, other than forbidding us to watch that teevee show set in the concentration camp -- forgot the name of it -- but you know the one, it was wildly famous

"war is not funny" is probably the longest sentence my dad ever spoke about the war

[seabeyond]

18. not only do we sit around talking about "this stuff", we sit around talking about sex, too.

my kids were 3 and 5 with 911. they were hearing about it. had to be talked about. they were going to christian school that shifted to hate/fundamentalism. issues had to be addressed. we have always talked from the time they were little. huge readers, they have brought conversation with various books. 1984, black like me, many books that encourage discussion. our dinner time is spent talking about political, social, religious and all kinds of issues. we talk in our house.

a lot

[undeterred]

22. sounds great

:thumbsup:

[pitohui]

33. you'd probably be in prison now in louisiana

in many states nothing good can come of talking about sex w. minors and certainly nothing good can come of bragging about talking about sex w minors on the internet -- you need to tone that stuff down to protect yourself

talking "a lot" may or may not be a value, oprah says it is, you say it is, fine, but here on planet earth i don't see much good that comes from all this talking

kids actually have a brain, they don't need to be talked at, there was a time when kids got everything from induction, intuition, and figuring it out themselves, and that generation produced plenty of einsteins including hey! the real einstein...i would need evidence to convince me that all this talking helps anything

like a wise man once said "100 years of psychotherapy and the world is getting worse"

yapping is for entertainment and for masturbation, and one day we'll acknowledge that, but we're on this 30 or 40 year cycle where we gotta pretend that yapping (excuse me, "talking a lot"} is of value

look, stupid people like to talk a lot, that should be your first clue that talking a lot doesn't help people rise

there's nothing wrong w. masturbation but talking "a lot" is masturbation and that's ALL it is, when we pretend it's something more, we waste everybody's time

[seabeyond]

34. you post.... for example? bah hahah. lordy, you are a piece of

work.

[revolutionnow45]

32. my kids are much smarter than most adults about politics and many other subjects

Please don't insult children. They have incredible minds capable of understanding very complex issues.

My children are learning history and offer me new information and understanding.

If you do not discuss important things with them, they will be exposed to mindless propaganda that will fill their minds instead.

If I did not tell them what is really going on right now....who would?

[Keith Bee]

9. I don't have kids, either,

and the last 20 years have made me glad of the fact: I sometimes wonder if my 12-year-old niece will get to "enjoy the benefits" of all the shit we're doing now.

[jillan]

12. I told them when they see the Military recruiters at their school to walk the other way.

I have 2 girlie girls.

[undeterred]

15. Well, thats the thing.

The son of a friend of mine signed up for the Marines after high school and shocked his parents. They couldn't talk him out of it. They're very proud of him now. But they really never thought other people would influence his choices in life like that. Probably isn't going to appeal to a girly girl, but it might to a boy.

[Dappleganger]

14. Well, a good background in history is helpful.

Our view is that most wars are waged by the wealthy on the backs of the poor and working class--dh is a moderate conservative and he believes that as much as I do.

This morning on the way to school my 17 yr. old son asked me why we don't have a war tax like we used to--I said why have a war tax when the wealthy are in charge, they make all the rules and we are forced to pay? Ds is constantly groaning about American imperialism in the ME, too. He's a big history buff and really pays attention. The other three are just tired of all the wars and want them to stop, period (as am I--just put down your weapons and go home, we're done).

[seabeyond]

20. thumbs up... nt

[in_cog_ni_to]

17. Oh, dear. My son was 8 years old when the idiot-in-chief was appointed

and he learned about our wars from listening to me rant and rave about Cheney and the idiot. He's been involved in politics over the years. He attended a Howard Dean convention/rally. He traveled to Nashville, TN with me to work for Wes Clark's campaign for 4 days and he's attended many rallies/parades with me for local politicians.

I just tell it like it is. There is no whitewashing war just because it's the U.S.

We were sitting at the dinner table Friday and I was bitchin' about the UN vote and our going into ANOTHER war in Libya and my son actually gave his OWN opinion on the matter (he's now 18 and always seems disinterested (bored) and rarely offers any input). He said, "Personally, I believe we have no business getting involved in another country's civil war. We need to just stay out of it." :evilgrin: Apparently, HE WAS LISTENING TO ME over the years.

Just tell the TRUTH. That's all you can do. Hopefully they will pay attention.

[elehhhhna]

19. It's hard. They're 17 & 14 and really don't remember the America of Peace & Prosperity

We let them see us protest, and they get that. Hubs protested locally & I went to Camp Casey in '05 so they'd know we're serious about this.

My younger one is in detox after being prescribed klonopin for anxiety , which she overdid and reacted to very badly...then asked for help. Yesterday the kids (about 15 in there -- looking like National Merit Scholars, actually, or the kids next door -- but that's another post)were very upset about us starting "another war", and they only see TV at breakfast for 20 minutes.

We are harming our own hearts by exporting so much violence. No trade imbalance in munitions. We're number one. We are losing the hearts and minds of our own children.

Shame on us.

[seabeyond]

21. .

hugs to you, your daughter, your family.....

[elehhhhna]

26. omg seabe, I wanted to pm you about this. It's been a hellish month.

TG she asked for help, we have great insurance, and one of the best adolescent units in the country is only 40 minutes away. It can happen to anyone. She's is a straight A student, strong athlete...and now in recovery. TG also that she's doing well, we caught it early, and she was basically demanding we put her into residential treatment. Some of these kids were on coke, crack, meth, acid, heroin...came into rehab from 2 day comas...really scary.

She comes home tonight and starts the day program tomorrow (7 days a week, 6:45 am to 8:30 p.m.) The insurance stories are hell. Insurers want adolescents to "fail standard outpatient treatment" or attempt suicide before they'll cave on residential detox. She did some internet research and promptly cut (scratched, really) her ankle to help get herself in...and it worked. And if you're uninsured/underinsured, this place costs 15K for 21 days. What do parents do, then?

Thanks for letting me babble. ILY.

[seabeyond]

28. this will be good for her.

give her lots of hands on experience and knowledge. PEERS.... be tough. it so matters.

my nephew is a little older. didnt get addressed younger and he kept getting out of trouble. finally judge said enough. put him in juvie adn set him up in programs. the first is dealing with anger/drugs, and then he has another program 9 mo to year (not sure what it is). so that will leave him in there giving him chance to grow up, graduate. cause he wasnt going to do it at home.

his father, my brother... has the highest IQ out of all of us. somewhere in like 189. so fucked up his life with booze. and victim personality.

my dad asks... what did we do wrong.

nothing.

not. a. thing.

kids start making their choices and parents dont have control. never have, never will.... it is for the kid to decide to make good choices.

good luck to you all. keep in touch.

[undeterred]

24. I hope your daughters do ok.

I live in Madison and have seen so many families down at the Capitol protesting. I think thats great. But I guess I also wonder what its like to start out in life believing that the ones in office are the bad guys who are hurting us. Its too bad when Bush or Walker is the first elected official whose name you know.

[elehhhhna]

27. yep. They're bleedingheart liberals.

[Dappleganger]

35. Best of luck to you and your daughter.

We have a 19 yr. old daughter on anti-anxiety meds, and she asked for me to dispense them to her from day 1 (two different kinds). She never had a problem with addiction but she was afraid of "messing things up." Trust me, drug addiction happens so quickly and the I learned early that accountability is the best way, even for people who have never been addicted before. I really hope that things turn out well for your daughter--no doubt she will be much stronger because of this and move on with her life.

:hug:

[elehhhhna]

39. you are kind. wise, too. smart girl you have there.

thank you

[Morning Dew]

30. I dunno

I grew up with Viet Nam on the evening news.

And there were tv shows like The Rat Patrol and Combat!. How those Combat! guys managed to fight through France for longer than the whole 2nd World War is beyond me.

I guess I thought we were always at war with someone or other.

[in_cog_ni_to]

40. Combat...LOVED that show! Vic Morrow!

:thumbsup:

[EFerrari]

36. I didn't think it was too hard.

Powerful rich people find excuses to call wars to make money. People suffer. I don't like that. :shrug:

[Brickbat]

37. I honestly have always been puzzled by people who can't talk to their children about things. War is

actually one of the "easier" things to talk about, IMO.

[MrSlayer]

38. I tell them the truth,

That these are wars of choice for profit.