It pains me so very much that it has come to this;

[greiner3]

I posted recently that my two male cats were acting strangely. They were sleeping VERY close to each other, in fact they would lie touching in a manner that drove those two sinners, Bert and Ernie to move into separate quarters after all those rumors of the couple were in fact, gay. My cats lick each other and do other 'non-male' activities. I tried counseling them but to no avail.

I thought of trying to separate the two but they are ruining the trim trying to get at each other so that they may torture me further with gay cat sex.

Recently the older male has taken to performing, I hate to say this as I feel so let down as a parent, sex on the younger one. I don't think there has been actual penetration but their actions lead me to believe this may happen while I am asleep.

My holy book says I must now put to death both cats. I am wondering how I might do this, at least humanely. Passages in the BOOK mention certain methods that will fulfill God's commandment fo acts of this sort but is generally left to those who witness these acts.

I will miss these cats as I can remember the good times with them. But I feel my grief will not last long as I can take solace in the fact that I am doing my God's work and desires.

I ask DU members how I might do this terrible act so I won't be thought of by those not in my congregation as another Michael Vick.

Please hurry as the weather is warming and the cats will soon be outside more. They will be doing this unholy act in public and there are a lot of younger and impressionable children who might witness this unnatural act and be drawn into the gay agenda.

Please hurry.

[PBS Poll-435]

1. Not sure exactly how to respond to this...

So I will just kick it, instead.

[robcon]

2. Take a page from Sharia: stone them to death.

:sarcasm:

[JackintheGreen]

3. Keeping it biblical

maybe they'll cut it out if you see to it that they get stoned. Some states now have medical catnip laws.

[pnorman]

10. ”medical catnip laws.”

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

I'm glad I bothered to go through this thread! I can now face the rest of the day, with a smile on my face!

[hamsterjill]

4. I appreciate your attempt at humor.

And sadly and undeniably, there are right-wing fanatics out there who take the "holy book" out of context and believe this kind of shit. But I ask you NOT to forget that there are others of us, Christians, who don't feel that way.

[Bluenorthwest]

5. I doubt your holy book has much thought for being humane

The Judeo Christian holy book suggests stoning for children who sass their parents. Pretending your book is that which it is not is part of why other people have trouble with that book. That book urges you to gather your neighbors and violently attack the transgressor with stones. That is your Book. Own it. The Taliban shows you the truth of your Book, in this video. People need to see the context of the book, and here is what is asked of you:
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/asia/afghanistan/8287154/Shocking-footage-emerges-of-Taliban-stoning-couple-to-death.html

[Morning Dew]

6. Don't feel bad.

Those so-called good times you had really weren't. Those cats were flying under false colors.

Be sure to destroy any photos of them as you close this sad chapter of your life.

Bless you.

[XanaDUer]

7. Younger and impressionable kittens

nt.

[Bandit]

8. I am certain there is some Republican group somewhere that can "cure" them.

:shrug:

[XanaDUer]

12. "Cat Lovers for the Bomb"?

someone should contact them and see what they say.

[greiner3]

15. Thank you for your uplifting suggestion;

However, I feel they are past redemption. The gay agenda has taken hold of their minds and barring the resurrection of Jerry Falwell to take personal management of the conversion of my cats' conversion I do not see a future for them on this Earth.

[RedCloud]

9. You don't have to be so "dog"matic about this.

[TBF]

11. Why stop there? You must kill all the cats so this behavior does not spread. Onward, soldier. nt

[greiner3]

13. I may have forgotten to add that my HOLY BOOK;

Is not very well known to the general public. For me to mention it's name would require fonts that do not exist. Furthermore, my God would rain down plagues of locusts and so would begin Armageddon.

The comment about stoning might not be a bad thing but along with that suggestion I would need to know how I could keep 2 cats in one place long enough to hit it with at least one stone so that it would not move so quickly.

[cliffordu]

14. I can sympathize.....

My cat's name is Chester the Molester.

I won't go into the reasons why....I will say that I don't think counseling is going to fix him.....

[kestrel91316]

16. ZOMG, my older male is always trying to molest the younger male cat.

What's really hysterical about this is, the molestor has had ALL his boy parts removed (when he had a perineal urethrostomy for urinary obstruction years ago). But that doesn't stop him from being a horndog.

[SoCalDem]

19. Willie has the hots for Sweetie Pie..(both males)

He's always mounting him and biting his back.. Sweets cries out & when I holler at Willie he give me the evil-eye and stops..and then Sweets goes right back to him and flirts with him:rofl:

They were both fixed when they were pre-pubescent..

Marvin has a stuffed animal for his girlfriend.. He reallllllly loves that stuffed kitty:rofl:

Our also fixed girlcats are not interested at ALL!

[niyad]

17. k and r for the laughs.

[Erose999]

18. The real question is from whence did they acquire this clearly un-natural and learned behavior. I

mean we all know people and animals aren't just "born" gay, and that "gay" isn't a natural state of being. They had to be influenced by something, like that show Telletubbies, or Glee, or perhaps the music of Liberace. Your home has been infiltrated by the creeping tentacles of "teh Gayness". The only way you can save yourself is to send me $19.95 and so my team of prayer warriors can exorcise the gay spirit from your home.

:sarcasm:

[blondeatlast]

20. Introduce them to the Scratch Pole Republicans.

If that doesn't scare them into "proper" behavior, your cause is probably lost.