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I'll quote & reply out of chronological order, if that's OK...
I think my conflict comes partly from the kind of posts I've seen at DU when a closeted homosexual has been outed, especially a Republican homosexual. Out come the kind of homosphobic remarks that would never be acceptable at DU under any other conditions. Or not even necessarily outed. (Think Lindsey Graham.)
It would not be acceptable to diss all men or use anti-male cliches because this one had an adulterous affair. Yet, it seems acceptable to use homephobic language when piling on an inadvertently outed gay, especially a Republican gay. ...
Homophobic remarks are never acceptable, no matter who's being outed -- and you're right: some of DU's most shameful moments have been orgies of comments and epithets far worse than "light in the loafers." I feel as much Schadenfreude as anyone else when Republican hypocrisy (of any variety) is exposed, but I am utterly disgusted when anyone uses such a situation as an excuse to indulge in the kind of language they would never use to my face.
(I do use the words "homo" and "queer," because they're not offensive to me when they come from another LGBT person, or from one of our honorary "family" members. That's my hypocrisy showing, I'm sure -- but it's also a whole 'nother topic of discussion; i.e., what words are homophobic, and in what context. I'll spare you that for now, and move on, but I'm always open to discussing it.)
That doesn't mean I won't harp mercilessly on a genuine hypocrite, gay or straight -- but you'll never hear me use the opportunity (say, the case of a straight adulterer) to denigrate heterosexuality; e.g., to point to the instigator of an adulterous affair as "typical breeder," or to a rapist as typical of all (straight) men. But, for some reason, many of the same people who would go apoplectic over that sort of broadbrushing experience a complete disconnect when it comes to doing the same thing to someone gay, or who is perceived gay.
What really pisses me off just as much (sometimes more) is the "Everyone we hate is gay" meme. It's been beaten to death on DU (and not always by non-gay DUers); the one that made (makes) me the maddest is the Dubya + Victor Ashe rumor -- which, sadly, was propagated endlessly on DU by a long-gone (yes, dead) gay DUer, who was otherwise a stellar example of everything a smart, devoted, progressive activist should be. That, no doubt, made a lot of straight DUers think it was permissible to promote the fallacy that every homophobe is secretly gay -- which, for some, translates into "Everyone we hate is gay."
In reading some posts about outed gays, I have had the sense of "ah, an okay time for me to use homophobic language and cliches that would not be acceptable here under any other circumstance."
Exactly. It's never OK to use any kind of scandal (sexual or otherwise) as an excuse to employ homophobic -- or sexist, or racist, or any other -ist -- language or cliches about anyone. I don't think anyone would assume it was open season on Puerto Ricans just because (anti-gay, Republican, Puerto Rican) Roberto Arango-Vinent was caught posting photos of his ass on Grindr, or to start using the c-word again as long as we were talking about the affairs of Mary Bono Mack or Sue Myrick or Libby Dole. But, for some reason, there is that disconnect about gays.
What I don't understand is how so many people are blind to the fact that when they excuse themselves for using homophobic language when dissing a gay hypocrite, they're dissing all of us who are LGBT -- even if they might have at least enough awareness to use the utterly pathetic excuse, "...but I don't mean you -- you're not like that." One might as well tell an African-American "Black people in groups make me nervous -- I always cross the street when I see them coming... Oh, but I don't mean you -- you're not like them."
And I have had that kind of discussion in the past with DU posters who have used homophobic language and who have defended it as attacking the person only because he is a hypocrite and not because he is gay. However, it was not anti-hypocrite slurs or anti-Republican slurs in the post to which I was objecting, but anti gay slurs.
I appreciate you pointing it out when you see it. All we can do is keep trying to make the point. Sometimes it does pay off -- I've seen a handful of DUers, all of whom I believed were hopelessly enmired in the worst kind of ignorant bigotry -- evolve over the past decade into an awareness I never thought they were capable of. That's when I'm happy beyond words to admit that I was dead wrong about someone.
In fact, sometimes the posts say zero about hypocrisy or "Republicanism," but do include a lot of homophobic cliches. (That is what I meant in my prior post about trotting out the "light in the loafter" repertoire under the guise of attacking hypocrisy.) And, I don't think I like it.
Again, I think some people see it as an excuse for a free-for-all. Some know they're doing it -- of this, I have no doubt -- and feign ignorance, while others really are ignorant. The latter often learn and grow; the former never do.
But, let's say a Republican man who has never claimed that Republicans own morality is outed for an extra marital affair. Does he deserve to be piled on more than a Democrat who is caught in an extra marital affair?
I think so, for the simple reason that they're enabling, endorsing, and promoting the Holier-Than-Thou Party. If such a person were to speak out against the socially-conservative side of the GOP, well, that might be another thing -- but then that person would be well-advised to consider whether s/he is a Republican at all, or actually a Libertarian.
As far as gay Republicans go, I'm down on them whether they're actively homophobic or not; homophobia is practically a plank in the GOP platform (and is literally a plank in the platform of many state GOP organizations, such as the Texas GOP). Again, most, such as the Log Cabin Republicans, are in practice Libertarians. In any case, as long as they remain Republicans, they're self-defeating jerks who hurt everyone, including themselves. (But try to explain that to one of them and see how far you get.)
I don't know, but that is one issue: No matter if an individual Republican has even personally joined in the "holier than thou" behavior or not, is it okay to label him or her a hypocrite, simply because she or she is a member of the holier than thou Party?
Ditto about Republicans of any gender or orientation who have extra marital affairs, but have never individually claimed to own God, religion or family. Are they hypocrites for committing adultery, or just garden variety adulterers?
I think there are degrees. I think every Republican is wrong as wrong can be for propping up that abomination of a political party -- but certainly not every Republican is a hypocrite, unless he has been playing holier-than-thou, and gets caught doing something quite unholy. For example, I wouldn't call any of New York's Republican state legislators who voted in favor of marriage equality a hypocrite, even if he or she were caught in a drunken orgy, for the simple reason that s/he didn't try to exalt the "sanctity" of his or her marriage by holding anyone else down. Nor would I ridicule a former homophobe who had otherwise redeemed himself (more about that in a moment).
Great, big homophobes who never cheat (or never get caught) are not hypocrites -- just homophobic creeps. (Offhand, I can't think of any Republicans who fit this bill, but I'm sure they exist.)
For example, is Cheney's daughter a hypocrite about homosexuality, simply because she is gay and Republican? I honestly don't know.
Is Mary Cheney a hypocrite? Yes and no. She's first and foremost a selfish sell-out who doesn't give a damn about anyone but herself, her partner, and their children. She doesn't lie about who she is, but (and this is a big but) she could not enjoy her freedom to so much as live with her partner, let alone raise children with her, were she not taking advantage of the protections liberal LGBTs and LGBT allies had won for her.
In the same boat: Arthur Finkelstein, a Repub strategist who has made a very nice living for himself by running venomous attack campaigns against the Dem opponents of such hateful homophobes as Jesse Helms, and who spent his early career working for such not-exactly-gay-friendly Repubs as Reagan, Romney, Pataki, et al. (His most recent attack campaign, in my memory, targeted Hillary Clinton in her last Senate run.)
Finkelstein is as gay as one gets -- and as out as one gets: he married his partner in Massachusetts, and they're raising children together. Yet he worked faithfully to promote Helms, one of the vilest homophobes in history, who, if he'd had his way, would have quarantined every last "damned," "disgusting" homosexual on the planet off to some island to die.
So what do you call people like Cheney and Finkelstein, who are unapologetically out, yet 1) actively support the party that is doing everything in its power to take their rights away (and prevent them from gaining anymore), while 2) taking advantage of the rights won for them by the people they're actively working against? I can think of a lot of words to call people like that; "hypocrite" would be somewhere on the list, although not in the number-one position.
I guess sometimes "hypocrite" is just convenient word to use, for lack of a more accurate one. But, yes, there is definitely some major hypocrisy in Mary Cheney's (and Arthur Finkelstein's) blood.
But, here's the thing: as Democrats, we may or may not acknowledge that adultery, in and of itself is a bad thing. Ditto being a hypocrite is, in and of itself, a bad thing. We do not, however, say that being gay is, in and of itself, a bad thing.
I think adultery is a bad thing in the context of breaking a "solemn vow." If two people go into a marriage with the clear understanding and agreement that they're not going to be faithful (sexually, emotionally, or otherwise), it's none of my business, and I couldn't care less how they live their lives.
We MIGHT pile on a Democratic male who has committed adultery for the adultery, for his behavior, not for having been born with a penis and not for hypocrisy--unless he himself had done a lot of preaching about faithfulness.
First name that comes to mind: John Edwards. While he didn't do "a lot of preaching," his position on marriage equality was clear: he was against it. Over and over and over again, he stated he was against it. He also said he was opposed to DOMA, but only because states already had the right to ban same-sex marriage -- he was a real, separate-but-equal, "states' right" kind of hypocrite.
I don't even recall him conceding recognition of a "formal" inferior status, such as civil unions (even Obama, for all his squeamishness, will admit support for CUs); Edwards just kept delivering the same, vague, mealy-mouthed bullshit about hospital visitation rights, while letting each state decide, piecemeal, just how much they wanted to discriminate against us.
And meanwhile, what was Mister John "Sanctity of Marriage" Edwards doing?
I do recall his dismissiveness about the Massachusetts decision, brushing it off as "embrac(ing) the notion of gay marriage."
"Notion"? "Notion"?!
Notion: noun: 1. A conception of or belief about something. 2. A vague awareness or understanding of the nature of something.
You don't see me cheating on my wife or lying about babies I had in secret -- I take my vows seriously; I meant them when I said them, and they are just as "sacred" and real to me as the day I took them.
And yet my marriage is supposed to be the inferior one?
What a scumbag. What an asshole. What a hypocrite.
In the end, here's how I think of right-wing hypocrites (examples are off the top of my head, and do not include religious leaders who have been caught out -- that too is another discussion for another day):
The No-Brainers -- i.e., raging anti-gay bigots (and those who may not "rage," but who have a track record of anti-gay behavior, such as voting in favor of DOMA) who have (literally) been caught with their pants down: Newt Gingrich; Bob Barr; Henry Hyde; John Ensign; Larry Craig; Jim Kolbe (closeted; voted for DOMA; outed; still refused to support gay immigration rights while keeping his Panamanian boyfriend in the U.S. on a work visa); Jeff Miller (very nasty bigot; co-sponsor, Tenn. marriage ban; adulterer); Randall Tobias (Dubya's abstinence-only AIDS czar who was quietly shagging prostitutes); Paul Stanley (Tenn. legislator; Sunday school teacher; anti-gay; anti-choice; abstinence-only; adulterer); John Warner (WTF was Liz Taylor thinking?); Jim West; Sonny Bono (thrice-divorced; voted for DOMA); Matthew Glavin (big anti-gay crusader; major Clinton-impeachment crusader; outed after two arrests cruising gay pickup spots); Greg Davis (recently outed Mississippi mayor; a real "family values" type)...
Among the worst: Mark Foley: closeted, gay, Republican, voted in favor of DOMA. Worse, he was one of the most vocal crusaders for protecting children from online sexual predators -- a wonderful thing, until you realize he was an online predator (of teens, if not children). Just as bad (if not worse) -- and just as hypocritical (if not more): his colleagues and their many underlings who knew about his inapprorpaite behavior for years, and did nothing about it: John Boehner, Dennis Hastert, Rodney Alexander, John Shimkus, and many others.
Questionable Hypocrites -- liars, cheaters, closet cases, et al., with no noticeable track record of "preaching," but who prop up the Republican party: Jack Ryan, Michael Huffington, and... um... can't think of anyone else offhand.
Probable Hypocrites with long anti-gay track records, who still deny they're gay, no matter how many times somebody outs them: Lindsey Graham; David Dreier; Ed Schrock; Jim McCrery; Jay Timmons...
The Redeemed -- former hypocrites who have spent (or are currently spending) the rest of their lives trying to make up for the damage they inflicted during their years serving the Dark Side: David Brock (almost singlehandedly responsible for making up the "Troopergate" bullshit about Clinton; destroyed Anita Hill in a book filled with even more bullshit; BFF w/Ann Coulter until he came out of the closet; wrote must-read Blinded by the Right and now runs Media Matters), Mel White (not a Repub, AFAIK, but Jerry Falwell's ghostwriter); Jon Hinson (sad, sad closet case outed after sodomy arrests; became gay-rights activist)... Yeah, it's a short list.
Again, that's off the top of my head.
Ask me sometime about anti-gay clergy (aside from the Catholic priests) who preach about the evils of homosexuality while they're off raping children (first to mind: Tommy Gene Daniels). Do I attack all clergy caught in flagrante? "Heavens," no...
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