A Day In The Life Of The Chairsatan/s

[Po_d Mainiac]

Knock knock

Professor Bernanke: “Come in”

Aide d’bernacke: “Ah (cough) sir, have you looked outside?”

Professor Bernanke: “Of coarse not. I busy reading these 'Beige Books' from 1994.”

Aide d’bernacke: “Well sir, there is a really big crowd out there, and they appear to be quit angry. In fact sir, I’m not sure I knew what a riot looked like before today, but I think I do now.”

Professor Bernanke: (looking out the window) “I believe you may be correct in your assumption, but that said, it should be transitory.”

Aide d’bernacke: I don’t think it’s transitory sir. They have pitchforks and they just burned your likeness in effigy.

Professor Bernanke: “Oh, I thought they were just grilling up some fillet mignons. We have a security detail. Send them out to deal with those unwashed masses.”

Aide d’bernacke: “Sir, do you see the construction going on out there?”

Professor Bernanke: “Where? Oh now I see it. See just as I predicted, construction would pick up in H2.”

Aide d’bernacke: “Sir that is a guillotine. Do you see the men in uniforms hauling lumber?”

Professor Bernanke: “Indeed I do. Odd attire for construction work. Where are their hard hats?”

Aide d’bernacke: “Sir that is the security detail.”

Professor Bernanke: “Why are they doing the work that should be done by the local trade union? We need to get those insignificant unemployment figures down.”

Aide d’bernacke: “Sir, I believe I know what the servants to Marie and Louis were thinking.”

Professor Bernanke: “Marie and Louis? I don’t recall writing about them in my history of the Great Depression. Did you know I know all about the Great Depression?”

Aide d’bernacke: “They didn’t live during the Depression. They were beheaded 150 years earlier.”

Professor Bernanke: “What difference does that make? The only history of any importance occurred during the Great Depression. Did I tell you I’m an expert about the Great Depression?”

Aide d’bernacke: “I believe you have mentioned it sir. Those people are upset about the cost of food and fuel, and they seem to believe that QE is responsible for their hardships. They want to kill you.”

Professor Bernanke: “Didn’t they listen to my speech? I must have said ‘transitory’ at least as many times as I stated ‘that said.’ I don’t want to be transitory; we better make the call”

Aide d’bernacke: “To the President?”

Professor Bernanke: “Of coarse not. Look at the clock. He’s scheduled to be getting sex from Jamie. We need to consult with the Maestro.”

Aide d’bernacke: “I’ll get him on the phone for you sir.”

Professor Bernanke: “You make the call on my behalf. I have to call Lloyd and give him the numbers BLS is releasing to the public tomorrow.”

………………….

Ring ring

Servant: (in a very deep voice) “You rang?”

Aide d’bernacke: “Please tell the Maestro he has a call from the Marriner S. Eccles Building.”

Servant: “Is this about the two cases of toilet tissue? I thought that was taken care of long ago?”

Aide d’bernacke: “So that’s what line 4215 on the REPO sheet is. No, we need to consult with the Maestro about the economy.”

Servant: “Have you tried printing money?”

Aide d’bernacke: “Of coarse we have. May I please speak with the Maestro?”

Servant: “Just a moment.”

The Maestro: “Maestro here.” (followed by incoherent babbling)

Aide d’bernacke: “Sir we are in dire need of your expertise."

The Maestro: “Have you tried printing money and making incoherent testimony before Congress?”

Aide d’bernacke: “Yes sir we have”

The Maestro: "How about pumping oil out of those old salt mines, I think the're called strategic reserves?"

Aide d’bernacke: “Yes sir we did that. The Chinese bought it all"

The Maestro: "Didn't the market police itself?"

Aide d’bernacke: "That's the problem sir. They laid off all the cops."

The Maestro: " Hmm, bummer. (followed by incohehent babbling) Sorry son, I don’t know what to tell you. Lurch, would you please hand me another roll of tissue?”

Click