have you EVER heard of this kind of custody arrangement???

[grasswire]

So the couple gets a bitter divorce. They have two young children. They share custody. After two years the wife re-marries. She sues to have the parental rights of the biological father terminated and the new husband adopt the girls. It's a case without merit, fwiw.

Today her lawyer tells the biological father's lawyer that she wants a three-parent custody setup. The mother, the father, and the step-father would all share legal custody.

The father's lawyer (extremely experienced) is stunned -- he has never heard anything like this. I googled and could find nothing about tri-parental custody like this.

Anyone?

[ejpoeta]

1. i have never heard of such a thing. but then again i am no lawyer.

generally i assume that parents have parental rights unless one or both lose the rights or sign them away. only if one signs away or loses the rights can they be adopted. but again, i don't know anything about these matters.

[grasswire]

8. generally you are correct

She has perjured herself in her affidavit. And she has kept the children from contact with their father and twisted their relationship with him. The term for THAT is "parental alienation".

[ejpoeta]

16. i hate when people do this. i tend to consider it abuse myself. the only reason

to keep a kid from their parent as i can see would be if they are being abused by that parent. you know, physically or mentally abused. or if that parent kept promising them things and then breaking that promise maybe. but beyond that.... there is no reason. it's sad when the kids end up stuck in the middle. they are the ones that get hurt the worst.

[dsc]

2. That is outrageous

It would be one thing if the father were a dead beat dad, but he clearly isn't. The notion that she would just terminate his rights with nary a second thought is just child abuse.

[TexasProgresive]

3. She can't break the original custody agreement so she's trying for 2/3s

and perhaps setting the stage to get what she wants. People who use their children as clubs are the worst people in the world, in my less then humble opinion.

[tammywammy]

5. +1 n/t

[tammywammy]

4. I don't believe I've ever heard of such a thing n/t

[RagAss]

6. She sounds like a scumbag...poor kids.

[Maru Kitteh]

7. Ex-wife sounds like my husband's ex. We moved 1600 miles from home to be in his daughter's life

And 2 months after we got there, she told us she would like to have her new husband adopt. Hubby told her "when hell freezes over."

It sounds to me like the lawyer is simply following her idiotic marching orders. Probably figures it can't hurt to try. I'd tell the lawyer to tell her she can stick it up her can.

Is it possible the new hubby is an insecure control freak who doesn't want to care for/provide for the girls unless he "owns" them?

[grasswire]

10. And get this...

...the 11-year-old contacted the dad last winter begging him to give up his parental rights. NO child that age knows anything about such a matter unless they have been coached. That was the same month the mom re-married.

[Maru Kitteh]

20. The father should take her to court for doing that to his daughter. That's revolting.

That's abuse, pure and simple.

He should sue for physical custody of the girls. I think he would have a very good case in court.

[Odin2005]

9. I hate people that use their kids to get at their ex, it's disgusting.

I know I'll be flamed for saying this, but most of these assholes are women who should have never gotten custody in the first place because they are assholes, but the courts seem to have a pro-mom bias when it comes to custody.

[Darth_Kitten]

22. That's bull.....

If anything, people are so willing to overlook just how men can use their children to get back at their exes. What's your issue with women?

It's equal opportunity.
:eyes:

[rucky]

23. It balances out:

For every mom looking to take away a dad's parental rights, there's probably more than one father looking to get out of his parental obligations.

[Cleita]

11. At least there are adults that want custody of

the children, which should imply that all parties are interested in raising the children to maturity and taking care of their needs and education. That's one side of the ledger. The other side of the ledger makes one wonder about the logic involved and what the real motives are. Revenge? Maybe? Or, just plain crazy?

[grasswire]

14. Definitely disturbed.

And if I told you what her profession is and her previous profession, you'd see that she is an authoritarian personality not above punishing someone.

[OhioBlue]

12. I haven't heard of a case exactly like this..

but I'm also not ready to call the mother bitter or an asshole or anything like other posters based on the limited information. I could see plenty of cases where I would agree with the mother on this. Perhaps she wants it set up this way so that if anything ever happens to her, the children are still a part of her family's life and perhaps her and her new husband agree on things about raising children that she and her ex didn't - such as the importance of education or exposure to cultural events. Personally, I think I do need to get a will in order - my son's father and I are together, but if anything happened to me, I would hope that there would be some way that a shared visitation or custody could be worked out with my family. His father would never take him places or put the emphasis on education that I do and wish for his future. If he were just with dad and his dad's family, he would be a couch potato watching tv and playing playstation all day. His father (my boyfriend) is a good person and a good dad - but totally lacks in constructive child rearing skills and planning for the future. (such as making sure he is exposed to educational opportunities, going to the library, the zoo, or saving for college - or even making sure he is bathed, has clean clothes and brushes his teeth).

[tnlefty]

13. Actually the strangest one that I've ever heard of was a

neighbor. The father didn't want to admit fathering the child. She married and her husband adopted the daughter. Years later, the biological father decided he wanted to be a Dad. Somehow she had all of the prior arrangements undone, she married the biological father, and that was that.

I found out two years later that my best friend from childhood was friends with the man who had adopted the child and then totally been shut out after having to help raise her for over a decade.

No, none of these arrangements make much sense to me.

[seabeyond]

15. ugly is ugly and to use children is the worst. sorry hearing all these stories. nt

[flvegan]

17. I predict many dollars spent on legal affairs with no change.

Husband and wife = 1 entity
Biological father = 1 entity

Shared custody is sort of 50/50. As this will and should be.

Not a lawyer, just my educated take on it.

[knitter4democracy]

18. Her lawyer is still trying to win an unwinnable case.

She cannot have a custodial parent's parental rights terminated without massive cause. The usual process is for him to lose physical, then lose legal, then lose independent parenting time (getting supervised parenting time), and then lose his rights. It's a long process, usually, and for very good reason. Terminating a parent's rights of a parent who wants to keep them and be involved in the child's life (who isn't abusive, etc.) is damn near impossible.

Step-parents have zero legal rights. None. The judge will throw this out, and if he doesn't, the father will win on appeal.

[grasswire]

19. hey, good to see you!

Long time no see. How are you?

And thanks for the insight. Yes, these processes are rushed and premature. She obviously wants to anchor something, and the rush is a red flag for the judge.

[knitter4democracy]

24. We're cleaning up after a massive storm.

It's just been one thing after another, though I still lurk here when I can. :) :hi:

I know that, here in Michigan, there's no way there's any legal precedent for what she's trying to get, and there's no way a judge would go for it whatsoever. This actually will most likely hurt her in the long run in court.

[no_hypocrisy]

21. A "Three-way" can't happen.

The adoption statutes of all states and case law allow for only two parents of a child. In order for a parent to be "substituted" by a surrogate court via adoption, the original biological parent must have his/her parental rights terminated. The termination can be voluntary or court-ordered. The hearing to terminate reviews whether that parent is "unfit", i.e., has abused the child, neglected the child, etc. The termination hearing can be done without that parent's knowledge, that is, can't be done behind his/her back.

With regard to the arrangement proposed by the attorney of the mother for the three-way parenting arrangement -- parties can agree to almost any compromise, provided it's legal/lawful. This kind of agreement would have no binding force of law, meaning that a court of law would not uphold the "adoptive" father's right to decide the care of the two girls. The Agreement would be a fiction with just the parties pretending it's legally binding.