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What should we give Jeff Sessions to make him a happier human being?

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zulchzulu Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Tue Jun-29-10 11:54 PM
Original message
Poll question: What should we give Jeff Sessions to make him a happier human being?


He always seems confused...

Poll result (56 votes)
Give him a penis transplant that's longer than two inches (3 votes, 5%)Vote
Give him banjo lessons so he can finally play Dueling Banjos with Lindsey Graham (2 votes, 4%)Vote
Have him get a brain replacement that's an upgrade to Homo Sapiens (6 votes, 11%)Vote
Give him the ability to not talk like a trailor trash redneck meth addict (2 votes, 4%)Vote
Make him seem like he has as much credibility as a tractor pull MC (0 votes, 0%)Vote
Make him appear to not hate strong women that challenge his Napoleonic Complex (2 votes, 4%)Vote
All the above (22 votes, 39%)Vote
Other (19 votes, 34%)Vote
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   Replies to this thread
  - I'd say a lobotomy  Mz Pip   Jun-30-10 12:00 AM   #1 
  - Sir, are you referring to Jefferson Beauregard Sessions the Thuhd?  NBachers   Jun-30-10 12:09 AM   #2 
  - Da Turd, Methinks  formercia   Jun-30-10 08:09 AM   #14 
  - #2 please.  AtomicKitten   Jun-30-10 12:12 AM   #3 
  - A strawberry enema. n/t  ChicagoSuz219   Jun-30-10 12:35 AM   #4 
  - Strawberry, my ass  PlanetBev   Jul-02-10 01:50 PM   #36 
  - Vote him out and give him more time with his family.  shraby   Jun-30-10 12:39 AM   #5 
  - Like most Republicans seem to desire, a strapping young fella to "carry the luggage"  TheKentuckian   Jun-30-10 06:34 AM   #6 
  - For this one, I think he just would like to own slaves like the old days.  emulatorloo   Jun-30-10 11:57 AM   #22 
     - I was thinking more "Mr Slave" from South Park but your thought is probably not far off either  TheKentuckian   Jul-01-10 07:25 AM   #32 
  - And, what's that seemingly perpetual goofy smirk about?  flpoljunkie   Jun-30-10 06:41 AM   #7 
  - Give him elf shoes to go with his pointy ears and cherubic face  lunatica   Jun-30-10 07:24 AM   #8 
  - A chainsaw enema. (nt)  Nicholas D Wolfwood   Jun-30-10 07:44 AM   #9 
  - Sessions just said he can't tell from her answers whether Kagan's more like Ruth Bader Ginsberg or  flpoljunkie   Jun-30-10 07:57 AM   #10 
  - Brain transplant. No other option, dude is not human.  Jennicut   Jun-30-10 07:59 AM   #11 
  - a high colonic made entirely of c4.  Donnachaidh   Jun-30-10 08:03 AM   #12 
  - Viagra  LaurenG   Jun-30-10 08:06 AM   #13 
  - Cookies. nt  Sparkly   Jun-30-10 09:08 AM   #15 
  - What he needs is a swift kick in the ass.  WI_DEM   Jun-30-10 09:19 AM   #16 
  - Thank you wi_dem - my sentiments EXACTLY!!!  trayfoot   Jun-30-10 10:49 AM   #18 
  - Sex toy not on the choices???  Boxerfan   Jun-30-10 10:46 AM   #17 
  - Plastic surgery  KingFlorez   Jun-30-10 10:55 AM   #19 
  - lawn jockeys make a great gift  Enrique   Jun-30-10 11:08 AM   #20 
  - A pink slip  Nancy Waterman   Jun-30-10 11:08 AM   #21 
  - I voted Other. My choice of what I'd like to give him: a barium enema.  CTyankee   Jun-30-10 12:16 PM   #23 
  - I would think he's pretty happy already---surrounded by enough ignorant racist assholes like himself  abq e streeter   Jun-30-10 12:19 PM   #24 
  - A Soul  mikekohr   Jun-30-10 05:42 PM   #25 
  - A fightin' Mandingo  mitchum   Jun-30-10 06:25 PM   #26 
  - Ex-Lax  Canuckistanian   Jun-30-10 06:56 PM   #27 
  - A retirement party.  Ikonoklast   Jun-30-10 07:50 PM   #28 
  - Oh YEAH!  jillan   Jun-30-10 07:54 PM   #29 
  - Other.  tledford   Jun-30-10 08:01 PM   #30 
  - Hemorrhoid cream, he has trouble getting his shit to come from the right hole.  HooptieWagon   Jun-30-10 08:23 PM   #31 
  - How about a shampoo enema?  MurrayDelph   Jul-01-10 05:18 PM   #33 
  - Hookers and blow.  Patsy Stone   Jul-01-10 07:35 PM   #34 
  - We could all of us -- each of us individually, I mean --  saltpoint   Jul-01-10 08:09 PM   #35 
  - A rattle and a pacificer.  GoCubsGo   Jul-02-10 07:13 PM   #37 
  - I went with (a)...somehow, this has to be dick-related  BeyondGeography   Jul-02-10 08:08 PM   #38 
  - I don't get it. : ) ...  sohndrsmith   Jul-02-10 08:46 PM   #39 
  - A sulfuric acid enema might do the trick.  Arkana   Jul-02-10 11:08 PM   #40 
 
Mz Pip Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jun-30-10 12:00 AM
Response to Original message
1. I'd say a lobotomy
but it appears he's already had one.
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NBachers Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jun-30-10 12:09 AM
Response to Original message
2. Sir, are you referring to Jefferson Beauregard Sessions the Thuhd?
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formercia Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jun-30-10 08:09 AM
Response to Reply #2
14. Da Turd, Methinks
General with three stars? I'd say he has a bit of an ego issue.
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AtomicKitten Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jun-30-10 12:12 AM
Response to Original message
3. #2 please.
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ChicagoSuz219 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jun-30-10 12:35 AM
Response to Original message
4. A strawberry enema. n/t
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PlanetBev Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-02-10 01:50 PM
Response to Reply #4
36. Strawberry, my ass
How about hot lead?
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shraby Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jun-30-10 12:39 AM
Response to Original message
5. Vote him out and give him more time with his family.
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TheKentuckian Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jun-30-10 06:34 AM
Response to Original message
6. Like most Republicans seem to desire, a strapping young fella to "carry the luggage"
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emulatorloo Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jun-30-10 11:57 AM
Response to Reply #6
22. For this one, I think he just would like to own slaves like the old days.
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TheKentuckian Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-01-10 07:25 AM
Response to Reply #22
32. I was thinking more "Mr Slave" from South Park but your thought is probably not far off either
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flpoljunkie Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jun-30-10 06:41 AM
Response to Original message
7. And, what's that seemingly perpetual goofy smirk about?
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lunatica Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jun-30-10 07:24 AM
Response to Original message
8. Give him elf shoes to go with his pointy ears and cherubic face
Edited on Wed Jun-30-10 07:25 AM by lunatica
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Nicholas D Wolfwood Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jun-30-10 07:44 AM
Response to Original message
9. A chainsaw enema. (nt)
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flpoljunkie Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jun-30-10 07:57 AM
Response to Original message
10. Sessions just said he can't tell from her answers whether Kagan's more like Ruth Bader Ginsberg or
Edited on Wed Jun-30-10 07:58 AM by flpoljunkie
Clarence Thomas. And, with a silly smirk on his face, of course.

Sessions was on Morning Joe.
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Jennicut Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jun-30-10 07:59 AM
Response to Original message
11. Brain transplant. No other option, dude is not human.
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Donnachaidh Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jun-30-10 08:03 AM
Response to Original message
12. a high colonic made entirely of c4.
Edited on Wed Jun-30-10 08:08 AM by Donnachaidh
and for the sarcasm impaired -- :sarcasm:
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LaurenG Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jun-30-10 08:06 AM
Response to Original message
13. Viagra
He seems frustrated so I'm going with viagra.
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Sparkly Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jun-30-10 09:08 AM
Response to Original message
15. Cookies. nt
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WI_DEM Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jun-30-10 09:19 AM
Response to Original message
16. What he needs is a swift kick in the ass.
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trayfoot Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jun-30-10 10:49 AM
Response to Reply #16
18. Thank you wi_dem - my sentiments EXACTLY!!!
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Boxerfan Donating Member (710 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jun-30-10 10:46 AM
Response to Original message
17. Sex toy not on the choices???
I bet he's hiding it...
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KingFlorez Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jun-30-10 10:55 AM
Response to Original message
19. Plastic surgery
Although, it wouldn't help much, his face is beyond repair.
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Enrique Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jun-30-10 11:08 AM
Response to Original message
20. lawn jockeys make a great gift
for a certain segment of the population.
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Nancy Waterman Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jun-30-10 11:08 AM
Response to Original message
21. A pink slip
Let him be his offensive narrow-minded and ignorant self on his own time, far from anyplace where he can do harm.

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CTyankee Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jun-30-10 12:16 PM
Response to Original message
23. I voted Other. My choice of what I'd like to give him: a barium enema.
Edited on Wed Jun-30-10 12:16 PM by CTyankee
That would wipe the smirk off of just about anybody's face.
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abq e streeter Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jun-30-10 12:19 PM
Response to Original message
24. I would think he's pretty happy already---surrounded by enough ignorant racist assholes like himself
to keep being voted into office in positions of great influence on the course of the state and nation he and they are so eager to destroy.
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mikekohr Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jun-30-10 05:42 PM
Response to Original message
25. A Soul
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mitchum Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jun-30-10 06:25 PM
Response to Original message
26. A fightin' Mandingo
Yesiree
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Canuckistanian Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jun-30-10 06:56 PM
Response to Original message
27. Ex-Lax
Then stand back.
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Ikonoklast Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jun-30-10 07:50 PM
Response to Original message
28. A retirement party.
On the Titanic.



Noice.







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jillan Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jun-30-10 07:54 PM
Response to Reply #28
29. Oh YEAH!
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tledford Donating Member (633 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jun-30-10 08:01 PM
Response to Original message
30. Other.
A glass of Drano. It would make 6 billion other human beings happier.
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HooptieWagon Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Jun-30-10 08:23 PM
Response to Original message
31. Hemorrhoid cream, he has trouble getting his shit to come from the right hole.
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MurrayDelph Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-01-10 05:18 PM
Response to Original message
33. How about a shampoo enema?
As long as his head is up there anyway, may as well wash them both.
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Patsy Stone Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-01-10 07:35 PM
Response to Original message
34. Hookers and blow.
I didn't see that as a choice.
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saltpoint Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Thu Jul-01-10 08:09 PM
Response to Original message
35. We could all of us -- each of us individually, I mean --
send him a box of Teddy Grahams.

He reminds me of the teddy bear on Teddy Graham boxes.

I think some hundreds of thousands of Teddy Graham boxes mailed over a period of a couple of days would be an impressive gesture.

Dig in, Senator.
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GoCubsGo Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-02-10 07:13 PM
Response to Original message
37. A rattle and a pacificer.
He probably needs his diaper changed, too. Oh, wait. That's Vitter. Or, maybe not...
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BeyondGeography Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-02-10 08:08 PM
Response to Original message
38. I went with (a)...somehow, this has to be dick-related
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sohndrsmith Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-02-10 08:46 PM
Response to Original message
39. I don't get it. : ) ...
No. 1 - Why is Sessions' happiness of anyone's concern but his own?

No. 2 - Why does his apparent confusion infer that he's unhappy? In my view, his confusion infers narrowmindedness, not unhappiness...

Still and all - ever since Olbermann described him as one of the cookie elves living in a tree, i can barely look at the man without giggling (unless the sound is on - in which case I feel as though I'm watching an old archive reel demonstrating the backward views that once echoed a pervasive status quo... which is NOT funny at all).
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Arkana Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Fri Jul-02-10 11:08 PM
Response to Original message
40. A sulfuric acid enema might do the trick.
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