What should we give Jeff Sessions to make him a happier human being?

[zulchzulu]

Poll question: What should we give Jeff Sessions to make him a happier human being?

He always seems confused...

Poll result (56 votes)
Give him a penis transplant that's longer than two inches	(3 votes, 5%)	Vote
Give him banjo lessons so he can finally play Dueling Banjos with Lindsey Graham	(2 votes, 4%)	Vote
Have him get a brain replacement that's an upgrade to Homo Sapiens	(6 votes, 11%)	Vote
Give him the ability to not talk like a trailor trash redneck meth addict	(2 votes, 4%)	Vote
Make him seem like he has as much credibility as a tractor pull MC	(0 votes, 0%)	Vote
Make him appear to not hate strong women that challenge his Napoleonic Complex	(2 votes, 4%)	Vote
All the above	(22 votes, 39%)	Vote
Other	(19 votes, 34%)	Vote

[Mz Pip]

1. I'd say a lobotomy

but it appears he's already had one.

[NBachers]

2. Sir, are you referring to Jefferson Beauregard Sessions the Thuhd?

[formercia]

14. Da Turd, Methinks

General with three stars? I'd say he has a bit of an ego issue.

[AtomicKitten]

3. #2 please.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1tqxzWdKKu8

[ChicagoSuz219]

4. A strawberry enema. n/t

[PlanetBev]

36. Strawberry, my ass

How about hot lead?

[shraby]

5. Vote him out and give him more time with his family.

[TheKentuckian]

6. Like most Republicans seem to desire, a strapping young fella to "carry the luggage"

[emulatorloo]

22. For this one, I think he just would like to own slaves like the old days.

[TheKentuckian]

32. I was thinking more "Mr Slave" from South Park but your thought is probably not far off either

[flpoljunkie]

7. And, what's that seemingly perpetual goofy smirk about?

[lunatica]

8. Give him elf shoes to go with his pointy ears and cherubic face

[Nicholas D Wolfwood]

9. A chainsaw enema. (nt)

[flpoljunkie]

10. Sessions just said he can't tell from her answers whether Kagan's more like Ruth Bader Ginsberg or

Clarence Thomas. And, with a silly smirk on his face, of course.

Sessions was on Morning Joe.

[Jennicut]

11. Brain transplant. No other option, dude is not human.

[Donnachaidh]

12. a high colonic made entirely of c4.

and for the sarcasm impaired --

[LaurenG]

13. Viagra

He seems frustrated so I'm going with viagra.

[Sparkly]

15. Cookies. nt

[WI_DEM]

16. What he needs is a swift kick in the ass.

[trayfoot]

18. Thank you wi_dem - my sentiments EXACTLY!!!

[Boxerfan]

17. Sex toy not on the choices???

I bet he's hiding it...

[KingFlorez]

19. Plastic surgery

Although, it wouldn't help much, his face is beyond repair.

[Enrique]

20. lawn jockeys make a great gift

for a certain segment of the population.

[Nancy Waterman]

21. A pink slip

Let him be his offensive narrow-minded and ignorant self on his own time, far from anyplace where he can do harm.

[CTyankee]

23. I voted Other. My choice of what I'd like to give him: a barium enema.

That would wipe the smirk off of just about anybody's face.

[abq e streeter]

24. I would think he's pretty happy already---surrounded by enough ignorant racist assholes like himself

to keep being voted into office in positions of great influence on the course of the state and nation he and they are so eager to destroy.

[mikekohr]

25. A Soul

[mitchum]

26. A fightin' Mandingo

Yesiree

[Canuckistanian]

27. Ex-Lax

Then stand back.

[Ikonoklast]

28. A retirement party.

On the Titanic.



Noice.

[jillan]

29. Oh YEAH!

[tledford]

30. Other.

A glass of Drano. It would make 6 billion other human beings happier.

[HooptieWagon]

31. Hemorrhoid cream, he has trouble getting his shit to come from the right hole.

[MurrayDelph]

33. How about a shampoo enema?

As long as his head is up there anyway, may as well wash them both.

[Patsy Stone]

34. Hookers and blow.

I didn't see that as a choice.

[saltpoint]

35. We could all of us -- each of us individually, I mean --

send him a box of Teddy Grahams.

He reminds me of the teddy bear on Teddy Graham boxes.

I think some hundreds of thousands of Teddy Graham boxes mailed over a period of a couple of days would be an impressive gesture.

Dig in, Senator.

[GoCubsGo]

37. A rattle and a pacificer.

He probably needs his diaper changed, too. Oh, wait. That's Vitter. Or, maybe not...

[BeyondGeography]

38. I went with (a)...somehow, this has to be dick-related

[sohndrsmith]

39. I don't get it. : ) ...

No. 1 - Why is Sessions' happiness of anyone's concern but his own?

No. 2 - Why does his apparent confusion infer that he's unhappy? In my view, his confusion infers narrowmindedness, not unhappiness...

Still and all - ever since Olbermann described him as one of the cookie elves living in a tree, i can barely look at the man without giggling (unless the sound is on - in which case I feel as though I'm watching an old archive reel demonstrating the backward views that once echoed a pervasive status quo... which is NOT funny at all).

[Arkana]

40. A sulfuric acid enema might do the trick.