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Help me please. How would you respond to this BS email?

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MedicalAdmin Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-01-10 09:40 AM
Original message
Help me please. How would you respond to this BS email?
So I got this BS a few days and have been pondering how to, or even if I should, respond. Then I thought why not let the good folks at DU take a crack at it. So any suggestions are welcome. Thanks in advance.

Begin forwarded message:


Subject: Fw: History Of Man

Forthose that don't know about history ... Here is a condensed version:


Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.

The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:

1 . Liberals
2. Conservatives.

Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.

Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement...

Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.

Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. They became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.


Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass for obvious reasons.

Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have highertestosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers inHollywoodand group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.

Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Budor Miller. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, engineers, corporate executives, athletes, members of the military, airline pilots and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.

Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.

Here ends today's lesson in world history:

It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it.

A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers and to more liberals just to p__s them off.


And there you have it. Let your next action reveal your true self.....I'm going
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slackmaster Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-01-10 09:41 AM
Response to Original message
1. I'd hit the Delete key and get on with my day
:shrug:
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AtomicKitten Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-01-10 11:57 AM
Response to Reply #1
17. +1
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uncommon Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-01-10 09:42 AM
Response to Original message
2. Wow, the beer part was funny and then they got right to the woman-hating.
Edited on Wed Sep-01-10 09:43 AM by uncommon
Best way to deal with this? Ignore it. It's garbage.
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Wickerman Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-01-10 09:46 AM
Response to Original message
3. It's been circulating for years
no need to respond, but, I have been known to send this back when I receive it.

"Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud or Miller."

Simple proof that Conservatives are dumbasses.
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FSogol Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-01-10 09:47 AM
Response to Original message
4. Prohibition was a Republican idea. Bastards!
As for the rest of the spam? Just hit delete and block correspondence from the person who sent it. When they ask why, tell them your spam filter automatically deletes right wing bullshit.
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NoNothing Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-01-10 09:48 AM
Response to Original message
5. It's a joke, obviously
I would take it in the nature of the joke, and send back an anti-conservative joke in response.
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EstimatedProphet Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-01-10 09:49 AM
Response to Original message
6. Want to respond?
"Fuck you, you mouthy little jerk."

There's the response that it deserves.
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Kalyke Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-01-10 09:50 AM
Response to Original message
7. Send this back
Joe gets up at 6 a.m. and fills his coffeepot with water to prepare his morning coffee. The water is clean and good because some tree-hugging liberal fought for minimum water-quality standards. With his first swallow of water, he takes his daily medication. His medications are safe to take because some stupid commie liberal fought to ensure their safety and that they work as advertised.

All but $10 of his medications are paid for by his employer's medical plan because some liberal union workers fought their employers for paid medical insurance - now Joe gets it too.

He prepares his morning breakfast, bacon and eggs. Joe's bacon is safe to eat because some girly-man liberal fought for laws to regulate the meat packing industry.

In the morning shower, Joe reaches for his shampoo. His bottle is properly labeled with each ingredient and its amount in the total contents because some crybaby liberal fought for his right to know what he was putting on his body and how much it contained.

Joe dresses, walks outside and takes a deep breath. The air he breathes is clean because some environmentalist wacko liberal fought for the laws to stop industries from polluting our air.

He walks on the government-provided sidewalk to subway station for his government-subsidized ride to work. It saves him considerable money in parking and transportation fees because some fancy-pants liberal fought for affordable public transportation, which gives everyone the opportunity to be a contributor.

Joe begins his work day. He has a good job with excellent pay, medical benefits, retirement, paid holidays and vacation because some lazy liberal union members fought and died for these working standards. Joe's employer pays these standards because Joe's employer doesn't want his employees to call the union.

If Joe is hurt on the job or becomes unemployed, he'll get a worker compensation or unemployment check because some stupid liberal didn't think he should lose his home because of his temporary misfortune.

It is noontime and Joe needs to make a bank deposit so he can pay some bills. Joe's deposit is federally insured by the FSLIC because some godless liberal wanted to protect Joe's money from unscrupulous bankers who ruined the banking system before the Great Depression.

Joe has to pay his Fannie Mae-underwritten mortgage and his below-market federal student loan because some elitist liberal decided that Joe and the government would be better off if he was educated and earned more money over his lifetime. Joe also forgets that his in addition to his federally subsidized student loans, he attended a state funded university.

Joe is home from work. He plans to visit his father this evening at his farm home in the country. He gets in his car for the drive. His car is among the safest in the world because some America-hating liberal fought for car safety standards to go along with the tax-payer funded roads.

He arrives at his boyhood home. His was the third generation to live in the house financed by Farmers' Home Administration because bankers didn't want to make rural loans.

The house didn't have electricity until some big-government liberal stuck his nose where it didn't belong and demanded rural electrification.

He is happy to see his father, who is now retired. His father lives on Social Security and a union pension because some wine-drinking, cheese-eating liberal made sure he could take care of himself so Joe wouldn't have to.

Joe gets back in his car for the ride home, and turns on a radio talk show. The radio host keeps saying that liberals are bad and conservatives are good. He doesn't mention that the beloved Republicans have fought against every protection and benefit Joe enjoys throughout his day. Joe agrees: "We don't need those big-government liberals ruining our lives! After all, I'm a self-made man who believes everyone should take care of themselves, just like I have."
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Saturday Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-01-10 09:54 AM
Response to Reply #7
8. Yea, that's what I was going to suggest. nt
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AndyA Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-01-10 10:38 AM
Response to Reply #7
10. +1. The truth hurts more than anything.
Of course, the conservatives are too stupid to see the truth, so they'll just roll their eyes and pretend what's written in the message isn't reality, just like Joe.
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mimitabby Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-01-10 10:51 AM
Response to Reply #7
11. perfect!!
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Bitwit1234 Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-01-10 10:31 AM
Response to Original message
9. Like the other poster delete delete delete
but you have to know that most republicans don't pay taxes, or if they do hardly any at all, so WHOM IS LIVING OFF THE OTHER.
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Blue Meany Donating Member (986 posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-01-10 10:59 AM
Response to Original message
12. I think it is the liberals who farmed the grain, made the beer, and domesticatd
animals, so hunting, a rather inefficient way to provide food, became unnecessary. The conservative hunters, formed their own village and survived by raiding productive villages. Liberals continue to work and produce and contribute the general welfare as they always have, while conservatives have devised ever more clever ways to live off the work of others, such as financial fraud, wars for the acquisition of resources, and various forms of legalized theft. A liberal thinks he is productive when he has built something. A conservative thinks he is productive when he devises a way to profit of something someone else built.
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Warpy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-01-10 11:07 AM
Response to Original message
13. The only response to hateful horseshit like this
is to tell the sender not to clog your inbox with it again or you'll put him/her on mail block. Then do it.

The sad part is that this is what right wingers find funny, anything that is hateful and hurtful to other people.

Time to pare down your acquaintances, I think. If they need to get in touch with you, there's always the telephone or snail mail.
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HughBeaumont Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-01-10 11:55 AM
Response to Reply #13
16. Mean spirited, they are.
They can't present facts or defend the love-making by the wealthy that they worship, so they attack. All they got.
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HughBeaumont Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-01-10 11:18 AM
Response to Original message
14. "girlie-men" .. . . whatev, you doughy, pasty, jowly, single-mustached stupid fucks.
Edited on Wed Sep-01-10 11:20 AM by HughBeaumont
I can out-run, out-fight, out-fuck and out-think ANY of you Beckistan BITCHES on my worst day.

If conservatives are the supposed "he-men" of the world, then how come they're the ones that take the path of least resistance (bow to corporations, the MIC, the "Almighty", the wealthy, Fox News) every time?
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CTyankee Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-01-10 11:21 AM
Response to Original message
15. I don't have a "block" function on my email server but if you do, you should block
this person from sending you any more email. If she/he contacts you otherwise wanting to know why you have done this, just tell him/her you don't want to hear from them again after what they sent. Tell them that to you it is the equivalent of "hate mail" and you do not tolerate hate mail...
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pipi_k Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-01-10 12:02 PM
Response to Original message
18. I wouldn't respond. Why bother giving this crap any validity whatsoever? n/t
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MisterP Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-01-10 02:08 PM
Response to Original message
19. only a Stalinist would extend the morally-charged categories of "lib" and "con" to eras before 1500
(actually, 17th-century British anti-Catholics and 1870s-style positivists did this too)

of course, swine like that are bound to be historically illiterate
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Zephie Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-01-10 02:11 PM
Response to Original message
20. Kill em with kindness! Thank them for the laugh and tell them you always appreciate good satire!
Edited on Wed Sep-01-10 02:12 PM by Zephie
Nothing bothers angry people more than having things they say in honest to god spite be taken as a joke instead.

Edited for grammar repair.
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pipi_k Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-01-10 02:57 PM
Response to Reply #20
23. Hahahahah!!! That will keep them busy for a few hours looking up the meaning of "satire" n/t
:7

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JVS Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-01-10 02:13 PM
Response to Original message
21. I'd sign them up for a shitload of spam.
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Iggo Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Wed Sep-01-10 02:13 PM
Response to Original message
22. Ask him how his mother's doing.
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