|
Edited on Sat Aug-28-10 05:38 PM by ck4829
Joe gets up at 6 a.m. and takes a sledgehammer to his plumbing in order to replace it with his privatized water supply. The water is "clean and good" because some corporation says it is. Don't worry, they say they really will police themselves... this time. With his first swallow of green-yellow water, he takes his daily medication. His medications are safe to take because a "REAL DOCTOR WHO TOTALLY WASN'T BRIBED" says they are.
All but $10 of his medications are paid for by his employer's medical plan because some liberal union workers fought their employers for paid medical insurance - Joe realizes this and takes his sledgehammer to the bottle and pills.
He prepares his morning breakfast, bacon and eggs. Joe got the bacon and eggs that was too cool for liberal regulations.
After Joe vomits in the bathroom for some reason that must be unconnected to tainted food, he decides to get ready for work. In the morning shower, Joe reaches for his shampoo. His bottle is properly labeled with each ingredient and its amount in the total contents because some crybaby liberal fought for his right to know what he was putting on his body and how much it contained. However, this evil liberalism in the shampoo must have affected the corporate supplied highly purified water, and it makes chunks of his hair fall out. Evil liberals!
Joe dresses, walks outside and takes a deep breath. The air he breathes is clean because some environmentalist wacko liberal fought for the laws to stop industries from polluting our air. Joe then immediately puts a face mask on so he breathes in as little socialism in as possible.
He tiptoes on the government-provided sidewalk to subway station for his government-subsidized ride to work. It saves him considerable money in parking and transportation fees because some fancy-pants liberal fought for affordable public transportation, which gives everyone the opportunity to be a contributor.
Joe begins his work day after whipping himself for riding the Marxist subway. He has a good job with excellent pay, medical benefits, retirement, paid holidays and vacation because some lazy liberal union members fought and died for these working standards. Joe's employer pays these standards because Joe's employer doesn't want his employees to call the union... and phone death threats in to them.
If Joe is hurt on the job or becomes unemployed, he'll get a worker compensation or unemployment check because some stupid liberal didn't think he should lose his home because of his temporary misfortune. But Joe knows better, as Rand Paul said, "accidents happen." He wouldn't want to actually inconvenience his divinely-inspired superiors and be "Un-American."
It is noontime and Joe needs to make a bank deposit so he can pay some bills. Joe's deposit is federally insured by the FSLIC, this makes Joe's blood boil, those stuuupid liberals actually think that the bankers are fallible. Ha!
Joe doesn't have to worry about paying off student loans like his cousin, Joe Republican. He avoided all those liberal hypnotists in college. Sure, he won't advance very far in his job, but yeah, take that, you liberals!
Joe is home from work. He plans to visit his father this evening at his farm home in the country. He gets in his car for the drive. His car is among the safest in the world according to the company that made it. Just don't tap it with anything at all or else it will explode violently. But have it examined by those liberals? Ha!
He arrives at his boyhood home. His was the third generation to live in the house financed by Farmers' Home Administration because bankers didn't want to make rural loans. He realizes this and decides that his boyhood home will be demolished after his father passes away.
The house didn't have electricity until some big-government liberal stuck his nose where it didn't belong and demanded rural electrification. That's why he's here to make sure his father has all the lights off.
He is happy to see his father, who is now retired. His father lives on Social Security and a union pension because some wine-drinking, cheese-eating liberal made sure he could take care of himself so Joe wouldn't have to. Joe burns the social security and pension check, and gives his father an unknown amount of cash (Because it was dark). There, more money is saved than those liberals could have saved.
Joe gets back in his car for the ride home, and turns on a radio talk show. The radio host keeps saying that liberals are bad and conservatives are good. Joe agrees: "We don't need those big-government liberals ruining our lives! Stupid liberals! They actually think that corporations and the wealthy people might actually put themselves ahead of me! Me!" Joe then rolls down the window and yells "THE TRICKLE DOWN IS COMING! YOU ARE WRONG, YOU DUMB LIBS! 20 MORE YEARS, JUST WAIT!!!"
|
Printer-friendly format
Email this thread to a friend
Bookmark this thread
(1000+ posts)
Send PM |
Profile |
Ignore
