***DUzy Awards for week ending May 11, 2007***

JeffR

(1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore

Sat May-12-07 10:35 AM
Original message

Welcome to the DUzy Awards, honoring deft drollery, delightful daffiness and delirious digs from this week on DU. Congratulations to this week's winners!

The "great with salsa" DUzies will be announced every Friday, if I get around to it. Previous awards can be found in my journal.

Note to Mods: Skinner has authorized the DUzy Awards to be posted in GD.

Special thanks this week to BleedingHeartPatriot, Old Crusoe, Kurovski, stellanoir, rosesaylavee, AZDemDist6, intheflow, northofdenali, babylonsister, Lars39 and NanceGreggs for their invaluable assistance. Had to toss a few, but I liked 'em all.

OP by jmowreader:

      What, exactly, is the purpose of a Republican debate?
They're all against abortion.

They're all in favor of extending the war.

They all want to be the Second Coming of Ronald Reagan.

And they're not going to ask any of them the substantive questions that might actually distinguish them--Giuliani's Mafia connections and marital misconduct; Romney's power grab attempts and flip-flopping; whether McCain's trip to the most dangerous place in Baghdad to "prove" Baghdad is so safe Americans can just wander aimlessly any time they feel like it...They won't even ask light, fluffy personal interest questions like, "Mr. Giuliani, pResident Bush has set a precedent of wearing colorful costumes from nations he visits. Given this, and given your...okay, fuck it, given the fact that you like to dress up like a woman on occasion, even though you look like shit when you do...are you going to make any foreign leaders who come to America bring their own dresses and wigs, or will the White House provide them? And do you think this will encourage or discourage foreign leaders from visiting the United States if we fuck up and let you in office?"

So, basically, why in hell are we holding Republican debates?

A Republican debate could be entertaining if they'd let Keith Olbermann moderate it. "Speaker Gingrich: The first time you had an affair during your time in the House of Representatives, so far as we know, you'd only let her give you oral sex so you couldn't be charged with adultery if your wife ever found out. Since you believe that blowjobs don't count, how in hell could you justify impeaching President Clinton for lying about sex when you don't consider the kind of sex he had to be sex at all?"

response #2 by Bluebear:

      To determine which one we want to have a beer with.
Which is the only voting criteria for that side, evidentement.

response #3 by Kutjara:

      It's sort of a "Miss America" pageant for fascists.
Each one is eager to prove that he's the bestest, shiniest, prettiest ubercreep there is.

response #5 by BurtWorm:

      Same reason to watch a plate-spinning act.
To see which of those wound-up crackers with a stick up their bottoms is going to fall and crash.

response #13 by Blue-Jay:

      Plate-spinning doesn't work without "Sabre Dance" in the background.

response #14 by BurtWorm:

      That would certainly liven up any Republican debate.
:think:

response #16 by Blue-Jay:

      I'm thinking...
"Baby Elephant Walk", or perhaps "Yakkity Sax".

Pure comedy!

response #9 by Solly Mack:

      it really was a seance

GD, May 4, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x824322

On a thread by Shakespeare:

      Paranoid freepers start their own version of YouTube to fight YouTube's liberal bias.
"This should provide no end of entertainment. Some right-wingers apparently think Youtube is biased against them. So a crew of them have created Qubetv, a right-wing only Youtube, basically like a digital innertube for folks who can't hack it out on the actual internet..."

response #1 by Bicoastal:

      Wow, we can have LOTS of fun with this...
Let's see, to begin with...their first breakout video series will be by Ann Coulter's new alter-ego, extremelylonelygirl45...

Ok, that's all I got.

response #4 by graywarrior:

      Goody. Something to do when you can't sleep and you're constipated

response #6 by EstimatedProphet:

      How can they do that? Don't they know all the internet tubes are full?
Where will they put it? Maybe there's room in Oklahoma.

response #10 by Whoa_Nelly:

      Qube? Sounds gay....
Do I get a toaster if I join? :evilgrin:

response #13 by Elrond Hubbard:

      Sigh...
As if Jethro and Cletus know how to operate a computer. No, Jim Bob, you can't stick your penis into it.

The Lounge, May 4, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x6481998

On a thread by NYC Liberal:

      Caption: "Cinco de Mayo" Bush

Embarrasing photo of Shrub about to kiss a guitarist at a premature Cinco de Mayo celebration.

response #3 by Wwagsthedog:

      jorge bush on May 4.
he can't even get the date right.

response #8 by WannaJumpMyScooter:

      Crap, what city is going to die tomorrow?
Every time this idiot gets near a guitar, we have a disaster.

response #14 by bahrbearian:

      "I'm Georgie Porgie the Commander Guy"
"When I Kiss the Girls everyone cries"

GD, Quatro de Mayo, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x825684

On a thread by babylonsister:

      Romney: Pat Robertson ‘Strengthens And Nurtures The Pillars Of Our Country’

response #1 by Lobster Martini:

      Among the people I know, Pat Robertson doesn't strengthen anyone's pillar.
If you know what I mean.

response #8 by gbrooks:

      Pat Robertson. I accept Jesus Christ as my personal savior. He saves me from paying taxes.

GDP, May 5, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3251879

OP by Wetzelbill:

      My DUzy Acceptance speech
First of all, I'd like to thank God, except, you know, most of you librul heathens don't believe in God, so I guess I'll just thank Michael Moore in that case. Or Al Gore.

Next, I would have to say that it's about effing time. Much like Martin Scorsese, I was given a pity award for my "B" material, because by now everybody felt sorry for me for just barely missing it every week. Don't get me wrong. I'll take it. But, I won't like it.

I guess being raised on the mean streets of Cut Bank, Montana, has taught me one thing. Holy shit, it's cold there. I never thought I would survive those freezing winters, let alone come this far and win a DUzy. Personally, all the people who knew me growing up, well you can all go to hell, because I'm the man now!!!!

I have finally done all that I could in life. I can get away with anything. Yes, Wetzelbill is above the law!!!!

At least until next week when I miss the cut again, and then I'll just complain about my genius being shafted as usual. Until then....

response #3 by enigmatic:

      And I taught you everything I know
Which of course, has set you back about 10 years of grief! :D

response #4 by Wetzelbill:

      I am way too cool for you now
If you thought I was arrogant before. That was nothing!!!

response #5 by enigmatic:

      Just throw me some scraps every once in awhile, man
If you get into one of Hefner's parties now, snag me an invite! :D

The Lounge, May 5, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x6483159

On a thread by Cirque du So-What:

Rep. Rohrabacher: ‘I Hope It’s Your Families That Suffer’ From A Terrorist Attack
"Last week, a House Foreign Affairs subcommittee held a hearing on the Bush administration’s practice of extraordinary rendition... Throughout the hearing, Rep. Dana Rohrabacher (R-CA) aggressively defended the U.S. rendition program and attacked the witnesses... At one point, Rohrabacher argued that imprisoning and torturing one innocent person was a fair price to pay for locking up 50 terrorists who would 'go out and plant a bomb and kill 20,000 people.' When members of the audience groaned, Rohrabacher said, 'Well, I hope it’s your families, I hope it’s your families that suffer the consequences...'"

response #5 by Buns_of_Fire:

Okay. And *I* hope Dana Rohrabacher's dick falls off.
In public. Right after a committee meeting, while he's walking out the door. Just rolling down his pants leg, his little shrivled-up thingie left lying on the floor for passersby to wonder what the hell it is. Finally, someone will say, "Why, it's Dana Rohrabacher's little pee-pee!" And much hilarity will ensue.

GD, May 5, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x828324

OP by pinkpops:

      Is "Al Qaeda in Iraq" a franchise, standalone, or
a division of some larger organization? I'm thinking it is more like "Ace Plumbing", anyone can open one anywhere, so long as noone else is using the name.

response #1 by aquart:

      Suddenly I'm seeing a franchise trade show.
Invest in al qaida! Be your own boss! Set your own hours! Double your investment!

response #3 by kenny blankenship:

      Basically you put out your shingle and call yourself whatever you want
there's no trademark enforcement at all. It's like the wild west out there. You want to get instant name recognition by calling yourself Al-Quaeda, just go ahead and call yourself Al-Quaeda.

That being said, there are still a few branding strategies that seem to have builtin protection. An Iraq-based terrorist group calling itself "The Gay Zionist Crusaders Who Crap in Allah's Beard" so far have not received the sincerest form of flattery from any newly formed groups looking to pilfer some good will and publicity. And that's despite the GZCWCINAB having been formed way back in late June, 2003. They were all wiped out in July about two weeks later, in a series of attacks that splashed the Gay Zionist Crusaders Who Crap in Allah's Beard across newspapers all over the country; and since then the highly publicized GZCWCINAB brand name has basically been up for grabs all this time-- free to any and all--but even so, no takers.

response #7 by Uncle Roy:

      It sounds like a bogus name the Bushies cooked up to help sell their bogus 911 / Iraq connection.
They were gonna call it "911 WMD Mushroom Cloud Gonna Get Your Mamma Terrorists Under the Bed Terror Terror in Iraq", but they figured Bush the Lesser could never read that one off the teleprompter without giggling...

response #8 by maine_raptor:

      I believe it's a Limited Liability Company
Great opportunity for advancement, with upper level openings occurring all the time, but the retirement plan sucks.

response #9 by electricmonk:

      I don't know
Management is kind of top heavy. Way too many Number Twos.

response #13 by Forkboy:

      If we don't keep them open over there they'll open franchises over here.

response #14 by Sabriel:

      Good news for those of you thinking of a franchise!
These domain names are still available:

alqaidainiraq.com
alqaidainiraq.net
alqaidainiraq.biz

alqaedainiraq.net
alqaedainiraq.info

Sad to say, alqaedainiraq.com is taken already. You snooze, you lose.

No credit? No problem! "Al Qaida in Iraq" can service all your loan needs! Just listen to this affidavit:

"I always wanted to start a terrorist cell, but places like 'Taliban in Afghanistan' were out of reach for a person like me. Then a friend told me about 'Al Qaida in Iraq.' One quick call and a few easy online-forms later, I was the proud owner of 'Al Qaida in Peoria'! If I can do it, you can, too!"

GD, May 5, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x829265

On a thread by deminks:

      Bush to get etiquette tips before he receives the Queen
"WASHINGTON: How does George W. Bush, a towel-snapping Texan who puts his feet on the table, drinks water straight from the bottle, talks with food in his mouth - and once gave Chancellor Angela Merkel of Germany an impromptu shoulder massage - prepare for a state dinner with the British Queen? With tips from an etiquette guide, of course - and a little gentle prodding from his wife..."

response #6 by Bunny:

      I wonder if he'll try to give her a shoulder massage, like he did Angela Merkel.
What a fucking doofus. Are we supposed to be relieved that he's a "fast eater"? As if we care that he may not get a chance to finish his meal???

response #73 by Dr_eldritch:

      No, it's the 'Queen of Whales'... much more important than the German Chick...
He'll break out the massage oil for this one.

"Now... how'd they get those whales t' vote fer her?"

response #20 by jaxx:

      Just think what his etiquette lessons may have stopped.........
like slapping her on the ass and calling her queenie baby. ;-)

GD, May 5, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x825834

On a poll by Lautremont:

      What is the Smirk That Rides (sort of) Like A Man keeping in his little pack?

Photo of the pResident standing beside his bike, holding a pack and - surprise - looking rather stupid. Winning choice in the poll, BTW, was "GPS and communication equipment in case he strays into the trees". As if he would know how to use such things...

response #1 by chimpsrsmarter:

      Extra can of stupid.

response #5 by Philosoraptor:

      His name and address.

response #7 by GreatCaesarsGhost:

      his stash

response #12 by alfredo:

      Joe Lieberman's "manhood"

response #15 by Kurovski:

      Gifts and toys for his trysts of joy with Jeffy-Jeff, George's boy.
I think Jeff Gannon's bio will be named "Sundays in the Park With George."

So says Madame Kurovska.

response #16 by Hubert Flottz:

      The Nukkklur Football and his crack pipe...

GD, May 5, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x828673

On a thread by IChing:

      How to deal with evangelists at your door----dial up warning

response #68 by coznfx:

      Damn lot of effort. I just answer the door naked.
Works every time. Not because I'm particularly gruesome, you understand.

response #13 by DURHAM D:

      I usually tell them (mostly I get Southern Baptists)
that I am a Charismatic Agnostic.

I smile sweetly and close the door. Then I watch as they stand outside and try to figure out what I just said. Sometimes they get out their cell phones and call someone. I guess they are trying to figure out what what it means and a different approach.

I usually tell the JWs that I am an Evangelical Druid.

response #16 by Hubert Flottz:

      Hubert's law
The bigger the dog, the fewer the preachers.

GD, May 5, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x828719

OP by ck4829:

      What should Iraq's national motto be?
"Iraq - Love the cesspool or leave it"

"Population - 28,000,000. No wait, 27,000,000, now it's 26,000,000"

"Ever wanted to reenact the Civil War? Here, you can actually fight in it"

response #7 by Gregorian:

      Our blood. Your car.

response #12 by tkmorris:

      "Parts of it are NOT on fire" nt

response #23 by SoCalDem:

      Bushed n/t

response #25 by Starbucks Anarchist:

      "Everything must go."

GD, May 6, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x835305

On a thread by Quixote1818:

      Why don't Republicans attack National Geographic and the Journal of Nature?
These are two of the most highly regarded scientific publications around and they basically say the same thing about Global Warming as An Inconvenient Truth does...

response #1 by mrcheerful:

      Because then repiglets wouldn't have anything left to masturbate to?

response #4 by WannaJumpMyScooter:

      They never heard of them?
:shrug:

GD, May 6, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x835353

OP by The Sushi Bandit:

      BREAKING NEWS!!
This breaking news just in.... we have heard from a reliable source that wishes to remain anonymous (since this story was just breaking) that he was shocked by the news. "The fact that the story broke before anyone thought it would was just shocking."

A government source within the administration who declined to be identified said "I was not aware of this breaking news" with no further comment. Other calls to administration officials to comment on this late breaking news were not returned.

The important issue is how Americans will deal with this news and how it will affect the presidential hopefuls position on this shocking revelation.

response #2 by Botany:

      I have always thought just that.
But now that the news has come through I am still shocked.

Please keep me updated on ALL things concerning this story.

response #3 by uppityperson:

      Unsubstantiated strongly held opinion!
How dare you accuse me of jumping to conclusions wildly! I jumped calmly!

response #4 by rocknation:

      Update
A source who has nothing to do with this story, speaking on the condition of anonymity because he has nothing to do with this story, confirmed that he has nothing to do with this story.

response #10 by eppur_se_muova:

      Anal retentive query for link?
:evilgrin:

GD, May 6, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x834904

On a thread by Quixote1818:

Now that the Newsweek poll has Obama beating all the Republicans
and by a larger margin than Hillary; are there still those who don't think he can win in a national election...?

response #9 by Gman:

Right now my dog could beat any Republican
and my dog has been convicted of gambling, extortion, sex with a minor and was once caught with both a live boy dog and a dead female dog in bed at the same time.

I forgot to mention the time he was convicted for grand theft auto.

GD, May 6, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x834709

On a thread by K8-EEE:

Romney Criticizes Single People At Pat Robertson U Speech

response #6 by smalll:

They said he did well at the debate,
but he's looking less romnipotent and romnicient now. There won't be a lot of singles getting on the Romnibus now!

GD, May 6, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x833467

On a thread by babylonsister:

      Gingrich To Conservatives: Don’t Talk About Iraq, Katrina, Walter Reed, Attorneys, Or Bush

response #30 by Joe Bacon:

      Hey Newt, let's talk about your latest mistress!
C'mon Newt, we know in the immortal words of your fellow Republican Chaka Khan that "once you get started, it's so hard to stop"!!!!!!!!!!!!!

response #32 by wienerdoggie:

      WTF! Chaka Khan is a GOPer???

response #40 by sofa king:

      I think it's her sister, Ku Klux Khan.

GDP, May 6, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3252981

On a thread by sabra:

      Bush approval hits 'rough stability': 34%

response #14 by gratuitous:

      The patient died, but his condition has stabilized
We were alarmed at his rate of blood loss, but we can confidently tell you that he's not losing anymore.

response #21 by aint_no_life_nowhere:

      Popularity of shit-flavored candy has stabilized
That one hasn't fluctuated in awhile, either.

LBN, May 7, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x2837614

On a thread by sabra:

      Tony Snow: "He doesn't like war either, but he also does not like the alternative"

response #1 by dotcosm:

      Peace? n/t

response #14 by Moochy:

      "Plan B is to make Plan A Work."
He does not like alternatives.

GD, May 7, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x839179

On a thread by Bluebear:

Pea soup with lavender! Sugar roses! Ithzhak Perlman! US & British royalty!
A few highlights from the State Dinner tonight...

response #1 by Mz Pip:

No Tobey Keith?
No bison steak? No chili cheese fries? Off with their heads!

GD, May 7, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x839081

OP by KansDem:

      In honour of the Queen's visit to the US, I propose we use British spelling.
Anyone else in favour of this?

response #2 by YOY:

      No, but I must say that I rather applaud your valour in doing so.
n/t

response #5 by formerrepuke:

      Be careful! The spelling nazis may throw you in gaol....

response #6 by Little Wing:

      I'm just here to point out that douchebag is unaffected by this proposition.

GD, May 7, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x838007

On a thread by jefferson_dem:

Bush in gaffe during Queen visit
"At the welcome ceremony in Washington DC, Mr Bush had been talking about one of the Queen's previous visits in 1976, which coincided with the 200th anniversary of independence.

Addressing more than 7,000 politicians, diplomats, Oval office staff and their families, Mr Bush said of the monarch: 'You helped our nation to celebrate its bicentennial in 17....1976.'"

response #9 by tanyev:

Just wait until he plays "God Save the Queen" on wine glasses at the dinner tonight.
With a spoon stuck to his nose.

:eyes:

LBN, May 7, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x2837927

On a thread by Bluebear:

      PHOTO: "We are not amused, you damn dirty ape."

Photo of a depressingly predictable smirking Bush, whilst the Queen, beneath an unfortunate hat, ponders the depth and breadth of the pResident's utter lack of manners, polish and decorum.

response #1 by TwoSparkles:

      It's highly likely that Junior is in the middle...
...of saying something really stupid and embarrassing our
entire nation--in this picture.

"Hey Queenie. Can I water that hat for ya? Can
I tell the world that I saw yer gardenia? Just
kiddin!".

response #8 by rasputin1952:

      Liz sure does have a thing for hats...
this one looks like a Black Forest Cake... the blue one I saw yesterday made her look like was some part of the old Sanhedron... :shrug:

response #9 by NNN0LHI:

      It sure is a beauty isn't it? n/t

GD, May 7, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x838427

On a thread by Bluebear:

"Living Word of God Ministries" Pastor directed social service funds to himself.
"FORT WAYNE - State officials have asked a pastor to pay back more than $12,000 from a social service program after a state audit alleged he misdirected the funds.

The State Board of Accounts audit found that Pastor Jesse M. Beasley III authorized telephone transfers from program funds to his personal bank account totaling $2,200. It also found that Beasley authorized withdrawals totaling $10,075 to be paid to a landscaping company registered under his name, which the state deemed a conflict of interest..."

response #4 by Phredicles:

Hey, Charity begins at home, dude...

GD, May 7, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x838633

On a thread by trumad:

If you were a Ronald Reagan Democrat--- then you really weren't a Democrat.

response #4 by Drifter:

I'm a Reagon Democrat ...
If it wasn't for Reagan, I wouldn't be a Democrat.

GD, May 7, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x836605

OP by 48percenter:

      Bush says Queen helped to celebrate US Independence in 1776
BWAHHAHHA!! Stopped the speech. Lots of laughter, what is this asshole drinking??

Seriously, on national TV. I kid you not. On every channel now welcoming the Queen.

response #6 by atommom:

      Damn, I thought he was talking about Freddie Mercury.
:(

response #9 by shain from kane:

      Mission Accomplished! We Are the Champions!

response #20 by shain from kane:

      The Queen has found her Village Idiot.

GDP, May 7, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3254109

OP by peaches2003:

The Chimp acts like a fool with the Queen
He just was welcoming her to the WH and says the Queen has been coming there since 17--. Caught himself and gave his stupid little giggle. Said she was looking at him like only a mother could. What an embarrassment.

Would somebody else try to notice if he is wearing his cowboy boots with his white tie and tails tonight. He wears them with a tux, so I expect he will with tails, too. How the hell did Barbara bring up such an arrogant dunce.

response #4 by aint_no_life_nowhere:

It's that British accent that really gets to the Chimp
Every time he hears it, it reminds him of Jane Goodall and he really wants to put on a great show.

GD, May 7, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x837671

On a thread by NNN0LHI:

Padilla case is light on details
"Jurors in terrorism suspect Jose Padilla's trial won't hear the most serious allegations against him because prosecutors don't want to expose the Bush administration's tactics in the war on terrorism..."

response #3 by gratuitous:

But they've got him NAILED on that jaywalking charge!
That should send a message to terrorists everywhere. Or at least to the U.S. citizenry, if we're sharp enough to hear it.

GD, May 7, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x837340

On a thread by Omaha Steve:

      Leading Republican Senator Says Iraq Strategy Has Until Fall to Show Results

response #3 by rpannier:

      At which time, if it hasn't worked
He has until Christmas

response #14 by alfredo:

      Fall of what year?

LBN, May 7, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x2838025

On a thread by saracat:

      Re WH Royal Dinner Menu: Does George eat separately?

response #1 by TwoSparkles:

      Chimpy has always understood...
...that during formal dinners, he must sit at the folding table
with the other children.

They *get* his jokes. They think he's smart. It's more fun over there.

Plus, he gets to eat on a Grover placemat.

response #2 by AndyA:

      Yes - George skips the food, and just inserts a straw directly into the
wine bottle for his dinner.

(He knows it's rude to drink straight from the bottle at formal dinners, so he uses a straw so as not to offend.)

:rofl:

response #18 by JerseygirlCT:

      I imagine he knows his way around a straw pretty well, too. nt

response #20 by Kurovski:

      Not to mention a tightly-rolled hundred dollar bill.

response #23 by krispos42:

      No no no, he uses a modified beer helmet
With his Secret Service codename, "Moran", written on the front in colored Sharpie.

response #29 by MotorCityMan:

      And not just any straw, but one of the really cool twisted ones
Nothing but the best for the commander guy.

response #27 by Vinca:

      This is off the menu topic, but deserves a remark.
I couldn't help but notice how much Shrub resembled a circus monkey all dressed up in his white tie duds. All he needed was a leash.

GD, May 7, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x841106

OP by jpgray:

I just had a generic freeper encounter
I was in a progressive-acceptable location, filled to bursting (as is my wont) with ready wit and unshakable extemporaneous wisdom, when suddenly a generic freeper appeared. The physicality of this creature was evocative of countless conservative stereotypes—a white trash complacent working class traitor who was a wealthy old-money suburbanite rural middle-aged overweight male. He was balding perhaps, wearing a t-shirt that read: “Iraqi Freedom Isn’t Free Trade Enlistees for Oil Executive.” He proceeded to engage in behavior pursuant to his cliched freeper leanings—behavior that passes description. I would embellish it for you all, but amazingly the behavior lined up expertly with the most unfavorable embellishments.

Luckily I was there. All eyes turned to me. They knew as I did this monstrous creature of ultimate evil was practically invincible--only a paradoxical combination of pithy one-liners and longwinded fact-spewing verbosity had a chance of stopping him. Happily I am never at a loss for words, anxious about making a public scene, or without my library of references, arranged by topic in color-coded binders. With remarkable audacity, I confronted the perilous peripatetic and vanquished him with down-home wit and uptown didactic pedantry. He wept openly as I crushed his political beliefs like an old pretzel. As he wiped his eyes, he registered for the Democratic Party on one of the voter registration forms I keep in low-slung holsters at all times. I was chaired through the city that day as a conquering progressive hero.

The Lounge, May 8, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x6490823

OP by EstimatedProphet:

      So in 15 years, will Bush be hailed as perfect?
We all know Reagan left office a failure. somewhere in the 15 years since he had left office, he became the greatest man that ever lived, second only to Christ. Will the same thing happen to GWB?

response #1 by ComerPerro:

      of course. And they will name everything after him (unless its already named after Reagan)

response #6 by Lisa:

      that's why we have hyphens -- stand by for the "Reagan-Bush International Airport"!
And the "Bush-Bush Center for Intelligence".

GD, May 8, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x846147

OP by NightWatcher:

If George W Bush was a cow herder, a Big Mac would cost $500
George is an oilman, Condi had a Chevron tanker named after her because she sat on their board for ten years, and our VP is a military industrialist. We wonder why gas costs a fortune and we are at war.

At lease when Jimmy Carter was president, we could all afford peanuts.

GD, May 8, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x845683

OP by jberryhill:

Have You Seen Thomas Jefferson's HOUSE!

The guy that said "All Men Are Created Equal" lived in THIS HOUSE:

Photo of Monticello.

Waddya think THIS HAIRCUT costs in 2007 dollars:

Portrait of Jefferson.

GD, May 8, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x845683

On a thread by calteacherguy:

      There is only one candidate who has the potential to heal this nation's soul.
And you know who it is. He has the potential; whether the potential will be realized or not is an open question.

We will have to wait and see.

response #1 by mtnsnake:

      Sorry, but I've decided against running.
Don't have the time.

response #28 by MonkeyFunk:

      I agree
We need Dr. Phil more than ever.

GDP, May 8, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=132x3255464

On a thread by BurtWorm:

      Is a girl who posts nude photos of herself a "child pornographer?"

response #13 by wakeme2008:

      it is like charging a boy that jacks off with child abuse

response #18 by Buzz Clik:

      Er. Oh. What's the statute of limitations on that?

GD, May 9, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x852265

On a thread by ProSense:

Boom greets Cheney in Baghdad : "thunderous explosion that rattled windows in the U.S. embassy"

response #6 by soothsayer:

They have such loud flowers and chocolates over there.

GD, May 9, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x852945

OP by GOTV:

Gas boycott is a HUGE success! Everywhere you look people are not buying gas!
I've never seen such HUGE support for a boycott.

As I drove into work today I saw lots and lots of other commuters driving in to work instead of buying gas.

Walking from the garage I saw bunches of people walking, reading the newspaper, drinking in coffee shops and all of them - every last one - was NOT buying gas.

At my office and I've seen ALL my co-workers, in solidarity with us, working instead of buying gas.

Just got back from the restroom and EVEN IN THERE you could find people NOT buying gas.

I don't think any protest in history has had such large participation.

Hopefully we'll take a lesson with future protests. You know those protests where you actually had to DO something? Show up at a certain place and a certain time... blech! Make noise? Try to be seen? And then not as many people would show as you thought and everyone would be all disappointed?

How foolish we've been.

These protests where you DON'T do something are the wave of the future. Certainly everyone has seen what I have seen and we now know that pretend boycotts are the only way to really cause change.

And the best part of these pretend boycotts is ... I'm still allowed to use the product we're boycotting! It's not cheating - it's part of the plan. SHEER GENIUS!

LONG LIVE SLACKTIVISM!!!!!11

GD, May 9, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x851869

On a thread by Tracer:

      Pentagon restricting testimony in Congress
"WASHINGTON -- The Pentagon has placed unprecedented restrictions on who can testify before Congress, reserving the right to bar lower-ranking officers, enlisted soldiers, and career bureaucrats from appearing before oversight committees or having their remarks transcribed..."

response #3 by Thor_MN:

      Why does this smell "pre-emptive" to me?
I think the dog shit on the lawn, after being covered by snow and frozen all winter might be thawing out soon.

response #4 by formercia:

      Smell test.
This fits right in with 'Unitary Executive.'

response #9 by intheflow:

      I think you mean "Urinary Executive." n/t

response #10 by formercia:

      Adjunct to the 'Trickle Down Theory'
Sometimes, I wish I had an umbrella.

LBN, May 10, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=102x2841140

OP by uppityperson:

Stridently held opinion based on questionable pseudo-science but I'm right.
And you must feel the same way also or you are wrong.

Every response wins a DUzy! Even the ones who don't deserve one! Here's one response quite rightly recommended by the OP. For much more, click the link (dial-up warning).

response #9 by Kelly Rupert:

Subject line having little to do with text body.
Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read.

Paragraph break.

Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read.

Paragraph break.

Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read.

Introduction to off-topic chart that looks impressive.

Text having nothing to do with chart. Text having nothing to do with chart. Text having nothing to do with chart. Text having nothing to do with chart. Text having nothing to do with chart. Text having nothing to do with chart. Text having nothing to do with chart. Text having nothing to do with chart. Text having nothing to do with chart.

FUCKING ENORMOUS CHART

Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read. Repetitive block of text you're not going to read.

GD, May 10, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x858649

This thread inspired another one at: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x865655

prompting yet more funny but strangely sage observations.

On a thread by spinbaby:

      Cool, Bill Clinton does a crossword puzzle for NYT
The New York Times asked Bill to provide clues for a crossword puzzle...

response #3 by Xipe Totec:

      They're saving George up for the jigsaw puzzle edition

response #4 by boloboffin:

      Four down is the showstopper
A seven letter word. The clue? "It's nice to be on the receiving end of one."

The stinker.

response #7 by NightWatcher:

      it's even more obscure than the usual nytimes puzzle
everything can have a sexual inuendo
118 across, 119 across. 123 across
A strange canal? Sometimes it's on you. They can improve your health.

GD, May 11, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x866314

On a thread by Javaman:

      Okay, just linking some...well, links to my tinfoil hat. Put yours on and join me.
... 3 recent stories have made me sit up and take notice...

Bush orders contingency plans for attack on U.S.

U.S. won’t allow governors to direct military

Contingencies for nuclear terrorist attack

response #6 by alyce douglas:

      are they going to be coming out with a "new video of Osama" too
to complete their FEAR CAMPAIGN. :tinfoilhat:

response #15 by havocmom:

      I saw the trailer....
they have him making toast & tea for Hillary Clinton, John Edwards, Barack Obama while Rudy Guliani sneaks up on them in a camo evening gown.

GD, May 11, 2007: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=389x867439