Women freeze eggs to wait for 'Mr Right'

[demoleft]

Source: bbc

Women in their late 30s are freezing eggs because they are still hunting for "Mr Right", research suggests.

A study of women at a Belgian clinic found half wanted to freeze their eggs to take the pressure off finding a partner, a fertility conference heard.

A third were also having eggs frozen as an "insurance policy" against infertility.

Many students would also consider the procedure to focus on a career before motherhood, a separate UK survey found.

Read more: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/10419076.stm

---

too bad. though i see their point - i'm one "mr wrong" for sure.

[dipsydoodle]

1. Not if he's Chinese

in which case he might be Mr Wong.

[Po_d Mainiac]

2. +1

[architect359]

5. -1 n/t

[AngryAmish]

7. POst of the Month!

[Robert DAH Bruce]

3. Good luck, ladies!

After 47 years as a human male, I think I can assure you that such does not exist! (belch!)

[Rozlee]

8. Ugh! Do you scratch your privates in public, too?

[Donnachaidh]

19. +1 n/t

[Rozlee]

10. Deleted.

[Donnachaidh]

18. wrong

I've been married to him for over 2 decades.

[seabeyond]

25. mr right doesnt = mr perfect. i am sure a 47 yr old belcher could be , hm, right.... maybe,

possibly, for some women.

[The2ndWheel]

4. For the long term survival of any organization

it needs a consistent flow of new people, especially young people, to be part of it. The numbers also need to grow, since more people means a shared risk, lowering the burden on each individual person. Which is why, for our institutions to continue doing what they do, we can't have a decrease in the population. You can kick that can down the road for a while, but eventually it catches up. When it does, things change.

With the aging populations of the developed world, it's not going to be a boring century.

[Hello_Kitty]

36. Maybe time to think of more sustainable economic systems? eom

[wuushew]

69. +1

agreed, environmental socialism seems the logical choice.

[pitohui]

73. and here is a man who don't know math

if we keep having the numbers grow of young people on this planet, we're going to end up living out the final pages of "the road" in about a century

we don't have jobs and space and resources enough for the people who are HERE, i invite you to get out of your mom's basement, put down the theory book, and see the world

the places w. "young" populations are a hell on this earth, some of them in africa still w/out electricity, in mud/adobe/hand made brick wattle houses from the stone age, i've seen it w. my own eyes

planet earth is a LIMITED resource, and we can't provide for the 7 billion already here

the aging populations of the world, esp. the female aging who boldly REFUSED to reproduce, are the only chance this planet has for recovery

[Alcibiades]

6. What about Mr. "Just good enough?"

There's this idea out there that you're going to meet the right person, that you'll know who it is when you meet them, it will be love at first sight, and marriage and kids will follow. The truth is, from what I've seen, is that no one is going to be perfect off the get-go, it takes a lot of work, and people may be compatible in ways they had not envisioned, so long as both are willing to, in the end, at least, be kind to one another. One of the happiest couples I know met in college--she's slightly neurotic, but very smart, funny and personable, and he's more reserved, practical and responsible. She got pregnant with his baby in senior year, and they got married. They are still married, their eldest is graduating high school, and I think they will be married for life, even though I don't think either of them would have pegged the other as anything like a "soul mate" 20 years ago, they are happy.

[NJCher]

15. ehhhh

As one who met Mr. Right 21 years ago, I say hold out for him.

While your story is nice and makes sense, there's nothing like sharing one's life with Mr. Right, or one's soul mate. I will not bore you with my stories. :)

One does know upon meeting that person and it's not necessary for the kids and marriage to follow.

My friend is dating Mr. Good Enough and I see so many compromises and lack of fulfillment in her life. In her head, it's "OK" and she'll get around to finding Mr. Right later but meanwhile, she continues to build ties day-by-day with Mr. Good Enough. Eventually, someone is going to get hurt. One does have to think about the consequences of one's actions.

But I digress. I like this news. I think women should be able to have their offspring whenever they want. The other day I saw a story on a 66-year old woman (I think that was her age, anyway, she was way past normal childbearing years) who had triplets.


Cher

[Demeter]

24. It's Mr. Psychopath These Women Are Dodging

Having married and divorced one myself, I cannot say I blame them, but it would be better to go to the sperm bank than to wait into one's 50's.

[Lilith Velkor]

41. Mr. Just Good Enough is saving himself for Ms. Perfect

So you might as well hold out for Mr. Right.

[Bigmack]

9. Watch the first 5 minutes of "Idiocracy"....

I swear that movie is a goddam documentary.

[Donnachaidh]

20. I thought of that when I first watched it. n/t

[Xenotime]

21. It's a mockery is what it is.

[Jennicut]

11. Well, good luck on that one. I got married at 25. Has it been all rainbows and sunshine? Not really.

Do I love my kids and consider my marriage worth it? Yes. Married 9 (!) years now.

[MilesColtrane]

12. I'm available for any women looking for Mr. Right Now.

[Ikonoklast]

31. They want a Sixty Minute Man.

Not a Minute Man.

[Hosnon]

13. I think this is a good idea if it helps lessen the pressure on women to get married and have babies.

Before 25...

[Lone_Star_Dem]

14. It's not easy to find someone when you're busy working most of the time

Not to mention it's not easy to find someone who accepts that you're busy working most of the time. Then there's the lack of social support for working mothers trying to get set in their careers. The entire situation is one stress after another.

I'm not saying it can't be done, it can. But if some women choose not to have to deal with the added stress of the "ticking" biological clock who am I to pass judgment?

[demoleft]

16. yes, that's a strong point.

not easy.

and as to the desire to have a child, it collides very often with a social day/timetable/system made and managed by men and tailored to the male needs. lots of stories of would-be mothers who have to give up until later in their lives lest they lose job or career chances, here in southern europe.

not easy in the least to put together mr right, a child and job/work in the same years for a woman.

[SoCalDem]

40. Here's the thing, though.

If they "don't have time" to find a mate, what makes them think thnat they will have time to raise a child. Young women often do not realize how time-consuming children are, and once here, they are ALWAYS here, always needing a piece of you..and as they get older that piece of you gets BIGGER.

To wait until one is "up there", to have a child is to be the oldest Mom at the school pageant, and to reach menopause as your child hits puberty (baaaad combo), and then there's the issue of having strangers raise that precious kidlet because you have to work all the time:(

I have no answers..it's all a trade off, but as a 61 yr old who had the third & final at 29, I am SO happy we did it that way:) My friends who had children into their 40's are a pretty frazzled bunch:(

[seabeyond]

42. meh... 33 and 36 when i had mine. do i sound frazzled to you? lol

there are as many of me's at the kids functions as there are of the you's, now a days. i am glad i waited until i was older. and i wish i had started sooner (i could have one more). having done my independent stuff end of teens and thru out twenties, i dont miss anything. financially secure. more patient.

it is a trade off either way you go, but i had to wait for mr right, wasnt willing to settle for mr wrong. i had to find a man i at least could spend a weekend with and not pushing him out the door at end of date cause i had enough company....

but definitely, whether older or younger, to be a parent it does take time. and cant have it all.

[SoCalDem]

43. It is a trade off..no matter which way we do it

:).. I have a friend who had her first at 44, and she has a tee-shirt that says.."Not the Grandma":)

[seabeyond]

45. .."Not the Grandma"

ah hahahahaha. that is funny

but i hear ya.

[Darth_Kitten]

70. I know several in their 40's......it's not that uncommon anymore...

early to mid forties......though some woman told me she was 50 and pregnant. Wasn't expecting that (she, not me)

haha.

[Lone_Star_Dem]

56. Actually, I think you agree with part of the point I was making

It's about not having the time to seek out a mate and devote to raising a child. Some women just don't have the time to spare while they're younger. If you're starting out at a career you usually have to put in longer hours in the beginning to get established. Which can be a bit prohibitive on the old social life which tends to slow down the mate finding process. However, later in life many of us are finding the time to meet mates and have families. It's all about trying to find a balance in our lives where we can be competitive in the work place and still have families if we choose.

These ladies are just taking precautions so that if they do decide to have a family later, they're still able to do so. I have a friend who is 39. She's been married for 4-years and she and her husband are just now stable enough in their careers to have time to devote to a child. However, she's not as fertile as she used to be and she's having some difficulty getting pregnant. She's met a lot of other women in their mid-late 30's and a couple in their early 40's who are also just now starting a family. It seems a growing number of women are waiting, for whatever their reasons.

Like I said, who am I to pass judgment. Every person has a different situation they deal with in life. What works for one may not work for another. But I can see how this could relieve some of the stress women feel when they want a career and then a family.

[Romulox]

17. Sincerely doubt that there many "Messrs. Right" (e.g. astronaut Mike Dexter) scouring the world

for women past child-bearing age who nonetheless wish to parent small children. Just saying.

[sendero]

68. Exactly..

... what I was thinking. If someone hasn't found Mr Right by then, the chances of that happening are dropping like a stone.

And who thinks it is a good idea for a 45 year old woman to have a kid? Really, if she hasn't found time yet how is that going to work. Everyone I know has gotten more busy as they age, not the other way around.

This country is full of deludinoids.

[SunnySong]

22. Men arn't working anymore... woman should lower thier standards to face the reality of

todays economy.

[Karenina]

23. Idiocracy in action. n/t

[Demeter]

27. Funny You Should Mention That

I was actively courting an underemployed man--he turned me down for someone (a) younger, (b) stupider--malleable, or easily led (c) much poorer. She divorced him shortly after his son was born. He died shortly after, no doubt due to the stress and poverty affecting a man with a compromising health condition.

Men are going to have to start coming to grips with human reality and stop chasing the corporate mechanical rabbit.

[JustAnotherGen]

26. Wow

I'm reading these responses and the word I'm looking for here is wow.

Why is it a big deal for a woman to hold out for someone she has a common point of view with, compatability, shared spiritual path etc. etc.? Why is the woman who wants to ensure when that man DOES come into her 'idioctratic' for knowing the odds are against her - so planning ahead?

Why don't we ever tell 25 year old little twinkie girly girls to 'settle'.

Why don't we tell 40 year old men to settle?


Reality: There are more women in America than men. A man who doesn't get married by 40? Yep - I think there's something wrong. He has alllll the power and can pick and choose and throw away due to the numbers being in his favor. Including lots of 25 year old twinkies at his disposal. :lmao:

But a woman who is just saying, "Hey - IF I ever meet someone who it's a good life fit and I don't meet him until I'm 39 - why not make sure if he wants a child with me we have a fighting chance," is part of the idiocracy.:wtf:


Full Disclosure - I could come back tonight and copy/paste my 15 chapter (thus far) response to Lori Gottliebs snotty diatribe 'The Case For Settling' tonight but really - But it will be lost on all the Matrimaniacs at D.U.

Just because a lot of women settle, are miserable, and can't stand the site of their ACTIVE choice they made under the guise of matrimania - does not mean every woman wants to be as miserable as the 'settlers'.

[wuushew]

28. The natural sex ratio(at birth) is not 1:1 in the U.S.

There are more women overall because they live longer.

[Alcibiades]

38. I would absolutely tell 40 year old men to settle

Men's unrealistic expectations get in the way of modern romance at least as much was women's. While I think many professional women want someone who is a sensitive new age guy, who is also very masculine, well educated and earns more than they do, many 40 year old men are looking for a 25 year old who is good looking, thin, but who also has large breasts, and doesn't threaten their tenuous self esteem. There are so many average or less than average men out there who nonetheless have the expectation that they can land a "hottie," and so, instead of having an actual relationship with one of the many actual, real life women out there, visit strip clubs and jack off to porn.

[SunnySong]

49. We tell 40 year old men to settle all the time... actually in most cases we don't have to

because by the time he is forty most men have grown up (there are plenty of exceptions)


It sounds like these woman need to grow up a bit.

[krabigirl]

29. There is no "Mr. Right."

[seabeyond]

32. there is no mr perfect. there are many many mr rights..... nt

[slackmaster]

77. Sometimes there is, but that condition doesn't always last

People and their attitudes about others can change over time.

[Beringia]

30. Yep

There is really a relatively short window of time to have a baby, 20s to early 30s, unless you are a teen mother.

[cbdo2007]

33. I don't think Mr. Right is looking for these types of women.

Hate to break it to them. Maybe they should consider adoption?

[LoZoccolo]

35. !

:thumbsup:

[seabeyond]

37. these kind of women? nt

[SunnySong]

50. Middle aged... self centered... commitment phobe...

Yeah I can see Mr Right avoiding them... of Course that Mr. Right has already been married for 15 20 years seems to be a fly in their ointment.

[seabeyond]

55. hm... and i only waited because i didnt find anyone i liked enough to commit to

i was actually popular. no baggage. no children. no X. independent. knew what i wanted. healthy and balanced. financially secure. hm, go figure.

[moriah]

44. What, successful, well-educated women who can afford to freeze their eggs?

Who wouldn't want that?

And remember, in many states a single woman can't adopt. Or a single man. Or anyone who isn't legally married even if they're a couple.

[seabeyond]

46. this is what i am thinking. a woman that isnt willing to settle. that wants a man that works for

her. so they can have a happy good marriage and not a "what the hell, ets give it a try" marriage.

i mean

what kind of women is this man referring to.

why do so many men have issues with a woman waiting until she is ready to marry, or find someone she at least... likes.

[SunnySong]

51. Because if you have been looking for twenty.. twenty five years the problem isn't the men.

If a man is forty and never married nobody would ever assume it is the fault of woman.

[seabeyond]

57. who says they were looking all that time. many of the women, myself included

had no interest for the first decade or more.

i had no interest, not even a thought or consideration for a marriage thru out 20's. i had three proposals, 2 very nice good men, and NO interest in marriage. i wasnt even trying to find someone for marriage.

because a woman decides to marry later doesnt mean they have been desperately looking for two decades.

[SunnySong]

62. I agree and I mean no offense by my generizations.

The reality is most good men are taken by the time they are thirty. The ones left over are the ones that won't commit, can't form relationships, can't grow up ect.


Your milage may vary but by waiting so long you simply reduce the number of good men available.

[seabeyond]

63. i dont agree. i am watching these young adults marrying, and i so disagree with you.

give me the man that has time to live a little before he is asked to commit. please give me that man. i do not want a man that commits so young and then two decades later say, .... i missed, i want, i need.

but i feel the same with the young women, too.

when i was finally dating in my 30's, there were more than enough good men. men that had never married. and men that made that committment too early.

a young man is so untried, you cant even tell if they are "good" or not

i am watching my 21 yr old niece and 23 yr old hubby.... i dont see it the same as you.

not from personal experience anyway

[tinrobot]

53. We can only assume what type of woman freezes her eggs.

Just because a woman is well educated and successful doesn't mean she's good at relationships. Perhaps these women are too picky and/or crazy to actually form a lasting bond with a man.

One thing I've found is that people (both men and women) who are highly successful in one area of their life, such as work, can often neglect other areas of their life, such as relationships and personal growth.

[cbdo2007]

54. This seems like a good assessment. Also, I'm thinking that once a woman gets

older, they type of guy that would be considered "Mr. Right" to most women is going to be taken long before then. There are no "Mr. Rights" hanging around that are 35+ years old because guys that want a serious relationship and haven't found someone by then aren't the Mr Right type.

[seabeyond]

58. mr right means right for them. not perfect. the article states many of the woman considering

this are young, 25ish, academic and sports oriented, not interested in marriage.

there is a whole spetrum and much of it is not marrying young, to have the children, before they are ready.

[SunnySong]

59. Bingo and if they do re-enter the market they are snapped up quick...

and usually by a woman younger than 35.

[seabeyond]

61. .

[moriah]

64. My "Mr. Right" would be a geeky guy who understands computers....

... can deal with my rather dark sense of humor, won't be too weirded out by my volunteer work (I do research on long-term missing person's cases and unidentified decedents for a group that has been so successful in helping give names to the unidentified dead that the government finally decided to fund a similar project -- but the research involves reading cases of sometimes very gruesome murders and occasionally looking at post-mortem photographs when trying to make a match), won't beat me, cheat on me, or lie to me, and wants kids.

Surely that's not TOO much to ask...

[SunnySong]

66. Actually that sounds remarkably resonable. nt

[moriah]

67. Glad you think so. Brains are sexy! nt

[Heidi]

48. Please list your credentials for speaking on behalf of Mr. Right.

My room temperature eggs and I eagerly await your reply.

[Darth_Kitten]

71. Hate to break it to Mr. Right who isn't looking for fine women....he ain't all that.

So Mr. Right isn't looking for women in their 30's and 40's? He's not Mr. Right....and no, they don't "have" to consider adoption. They can if they damn well WANT to......

[flamingdem]

34. When she meets him does she make an omlette? nt

[Canuckistanian]

78. I tried freezing eggs once

I wouldn't recommend it.

[jp11]

39. It sort of makes sense

simply based on the 'general' time period. Just my opinion that by late 30's your career is/should kind of be 'set' more or less and there are numerous ways to find people, even the often mythical 'mr right' who for some women is supposed to be 'mr perfect' even if they won't admit it to themselves or others. With match making services, social outlets, dating sites etc etc if you put a minimal honest effort into looking, or for women just sort of 'showing up' you can find people, the more people you find the better your chance of connecting with someone who is 'right' but not necessarily 'perfect' the difference is important and some people just don't get that.

[arcadian]

47. Case Study: Trevor & Carol vs. Clevon

[NeedleCast]

52. Many of the gender-biased posts in this thread are both fun and totally expected

Good times.

[treestar]

60. Interesting. Modern technology give them this choice

Problem is if he never shows up. I'd say have the kid anyway when you are younger. Running around after 2 year olds may not be good for 50 year old mothers.

[Ilsa]

75. I'm in my fifties and it's

hard for me with my teen and 11 year old. I had my last at 41. Sometimes I wonder if having kids was the right thing. It certainly didn't help the marriage.

[ecstatic]

65. Intriguing...

Though I'm involved right now, sometimes I wonder if I should keep looking. LOL

[pitohui]

72. i guess i don't see their point, i'm a woman...

if you haven't had a baby by your late 30s, why don't you trust your younger self and just admit that life is better without babies? because it is you know

why on earth would you want to put your body to the stress of having a baby in your forties, true, the type of rich witch-with-a-b who does this prob. doesn't plan to CARRY her own baby, she'll hire some serf to do that...but GUESS WHAT LADIES it still takes energy to RAISE a child...or do you plan to out-source THAT too?

i'll freely admit i hate babies, i'm not gonna spend all kindsa time and energy to have some baby when i'm 45 or 50 to prove i'm madonna or sandra bullock, i already figured out i'm not and i'm not fooling anybody

i simply do NOT get it

there is nothing wonderful abt having children, that's why your mother is/was so angry all the time, children suck, you got lucky and escaped it and now you want to spend all this time, money, and energy for what? to do something you don't in yr heart care about...just to "prove" you're a real woman?

i'll let my dna prove i'm a real women and fuck having babies -- babies are the booby prize, for those who have nothing else they've ever done in life to point to (oh, did i say that out loud, that's right, we're supposed to pretend that women WANT babies :eyes: )

if the planet wasn't dangerously over populated, all this baby crap would be OK but we're killing the earth to pop out all these unnecessary children -- there aren't good jobs and quiet places to go for a population half this size, everyone who has a child "to keep up with the joneses" is destroying the earth ANd making themselves unhappy for nothing, in fact, for worse than nothing, just to destroy the planet a little faster to impress their grandma or something, it's sick

if you're 38 and haven't had a baby, be happy, be thankful, you are one of the chosen, let life's losers who can't figure out what causes that keep popping out the babies...you are one of the educated ones...why on earth would you eff that up?

[Shell Beau]

80. And I, for one, am quite thankful that you do not have kids.

Holy mother of God. Wow.

[seabeyond]

81. +1

:hi:

[sufrommich]

82. "that's why your mother is/was so angry all the time"

That's called projection. Thank you for not having babies.

[slackmaster]

74. I started to think my marriage was doomed when my then-wife said "I think you're perfect for me."

I became sure of it several years later, during a marriage counseling session, when she said "I want us to be like the people on TV."

I was so stunned, the best I could come up with at the time was "The people on TV aren't really like the people on TV."

[Skittles]

76. if they are that desperate they need to settle for Mr. Right Now

[JVS]

79. LOL